Into your arms
by Tabitha craft
Summary: Joey's had a secret for a long time. Something she does when she's feeling scared or things are too much to deal with. It's been going on for a long time. P/J. Finally finished! Thanks for all the support:-)
1. Chapter 1

**Ok, so another new story when I said I was quitting. This story is based on a recurrent dream I have about a boy I went to school with. My dreams were entirely unsexual but sometimes I think we all have a place to make us feel safe. This is M in the end. For the first time there are a few bits of text in this directly from the show. Not just the odd sentence but maybe three in a row, but this is an attempt to weave an alternative telling of the show (it's entirely different) but it works with the show. **

**Please review - this is a bit different and I'd love feedback. I have tons written but it isn't finished. I think I know how it ends but I have to get there. **

**Thanks, Tab :-)**

**p.s. the title is from an awesome Lemonheads song "into your arms." Take a listen!**

**Chapter One**

It was a secret she kept close to her heart, a little thing she did whenever life got tough or she felt out of sorts for whatever reason. She'd deny it wildly if anyone challenged her, even the other person privy to said secret because it wasn't really understandable what she did. It had started around the same time puberty hit, which coincided with her mother's death and her father's incarceration. The first time she must have been twelve. She'd spent the day with Dawson. Her mom was too sick for company and she didn't know where to put herself anyway. Her own home had a deadly hush to it, her father was who knew where and her mother lay in that bed too riddled by the disease slowly killing her to acknowledge Joey anymore. Bessie was the one that sent her out, sent her away and she went to the only place she knew she was always welcome, Dawson's.

Dawson had been sweet. He was always sweet. They'd talk about things and he'd smile at her in that special way that made her feel just a little bit better and then he'd distract her. They'd watch a movie, or make a movie, or do something that was nothing to do with absent fathers, dying mothers or overwrought big sisters. It started to get dark and though Dawson said she could stay Joey was worried her mom might not be alive in the morning. She didn't say that to Dawson because to admit it out loud might make it come true and she was using every superstition she'd ever heard of or devised herself to try and keep her mother breathing. And so she left Dawson's as the sun slunk lower in the sky and headed for her boat. She was a little surprised to see Pacey sat at the end of the dock apparently waiting for her.

'Hi,' he had smiled, surprisingly normal and not antagonistic.

'What do you want?' she'd been immediately suspicious because she and Pacey didn't do normal - they did barbed, mean and feisty. If she said something was black, he called it white.

'I was waiting for you,' he shrugged a little uneasily and her suspicion grew.

'Look I'm sure you think it would be really funny to push me in the creek, make fun of my hair or whatever but please can you cut me some slack,' she scowled dropping to the dock beside him.

'I wasn't planning to do any of those things and besides your hair looks nice today,' he gave her a small smile,

'Whatever,' she muttered.

'How's your mom?'

'Don't ask,' she looked away from him and across the creek watching the last of the early fall sunshine glint off the water like a million crystals. The sight blurred, looking at as she was through the sheen of unshed tears.

'I need to tell you something,' his hands gripped the edge of the dock and she looked at him despite the tears that still clung to her eye lashes.

'What?' blunt as ever.

'I heard my dad talking.'

'About?' she could feel the panic starting right in the middle of her stomach, a sick feeling of impending doom, of it all falling apart, her life being cast into a chaos and landing where it may.

'About your dad,' he admitted and the tears that were already barely clinging on spilled over, her teeth biting down on her bottom lip in a vain attempt to stem the tears, to control her emotions in front of Pacey of all people. She tried to ask for more but the words wouldn't come so she ended up just nodding, nodding because she knew even if he hadn't said it, nodding because she was glad to have been warned. A useless bob of her head that gave affirmation to the whole sorry business. 'Joey,' he'd only said her name but it was enough and she found herself leaning up against him, his arm wrapping around her as he hugged her tight and close. No one hugged her these days. Not her mother who was too sick, certainly not her father who was never home. Bessie was her big sister and she certainly didn't hug her. Dawson, he was a talker, not a hugger, so as Joey allowed Pacey to hold her it occurred to her that she couldn't remember the last time anyone had held her, not close and tight like this, like they could carry her and her problems. It was ludicrous in a way because Pacey was just a nerdy, skinny twelve year old - she was taller than him by quite a bit - it was unlikely he could carry her anywhere, but with his arm tight around her she felt the burdens lift for just a moment. At length she sniffed and shuffled down the dock away from him, glaring at him with every bit of venom she could muster,

'I won't tell, I won't,' he rushed to say holding up his hands in defence and she nodded before dropping into her row boat. She'd reached the middle of the creek before she called back to him,

'Thank you.'

* * *

The next day Pacey loitered around her house like a bad smell. She knew why and so she kept her mouth shut and grudgingly made him a sandwich at lunch time. They didn't really talk or even acknowledge each other, but after his dad turned up in his cop car, lights flashing with back-up and handcuffs at the ready, after his dad had arrested hers and shoved him a little too forcefully into the back of the cruiser, well Pacey had somehow been in the right place. His arms opened up and she flopped down on the ground beside him and into them, into the tight embrace that seemed to squeeze the sadness out of her, or at least tame how overwhelming it felt. He held her for a long time and when she was done she fixed him with a fierce glare and ran back into the house without a word.

It was less than a week later that her mother passed away in the night. Joey found her cold, dead body the next morning and she didn't know what to do. She had looked with wide panicked eyes to her sister and for the first time in a long time they had clung to each other. Dawson and his mom had turned up and Dawson had sat with her out on the porch as the doctor was called, as her mom's body was removed, as Bessie and Mrs Leery handled everything. He was kind, whispering soft words of comfort, telling her it would all be ok, but Joey knew, she _knew _that for her and Bessie it wouldn't all be ok. That the life they were born into was over and that they were on the brink of something new, something unknown and most definitely not ok. Dawson left with his mom and with aching limbs Joey made her way to the dock, to stare at the water and mourn her mother. He was at the end of the dock just staring at the water and when she sat down beside him, he opened up his arms and she fell into them. She didn't care that it was Pacey, her arch nemesis, the boy that teased her incessantly and drove her crazy, all she cared about was the feeling of him holding her, of someone taking her heavy baggage off her shoulders for just a little while.

* * *

Life was tough often for Joey. The week they buried her mom she sought Pacey out at his house, spending five minutes in his warm embrace before leaving with the usual furious glare and not a word. She dragged him into the bathroom at Dawson's in the following weeks when Bessie was arguing with social services, trying to decide what should be done with Joey. She grabbed his arm roughly, ignoring the garbled, glib rubbish spouting out of his mouth and once the door shielded them from prying eyes she wrapped her arms around his waist feeling nothing but utter relief when he put his arms around her shoulders and held her close to his bony chest, the smell of his washing detergent and something else wafting up her nose comfortingly. When she'd had enough she stepped back and he smiled at her. He dared to smile at her. With narrowed eyes she stomped on his toes and left the bathroom.

In between these silent episodes of comfort they treated each other no differently than they ever had. He was annoying, so annoying, going on about girls, about video games, about his siblings antics, and worst of all about her being in love with Dawson, which wasn't even true at that point, not when she was twelve, though by the time she was fifteen he was hitting the nail on the head and he knew it. Still when Jen moved in next door to Dawson, when her world once again shifted on its axis, she found herself in his bedroom, glaring at him from the door, her hands gripping at the sleeves of her sweater, curling the ends into her clenched fists. He was lying on his bed, all six foot three of him and she hesitated because it had been over a year since she'd sought him out for comfort. A year and a massive growth spurt. A year and a seriously bad Julius Caesar haircut. A year and her massive crush on Dawson, or love, or whatever it was. A year of increasingly barbed comments and banter. He stared at her for a long moment and just when she was about to turn around and run away again he lifted his arm and looked at the spot next to him. She didn't hesitate to fall into that space beside him, the feel of his arm closing around her so synonymous with comfort by this point that she instantly felt more at peace. Her nose pressed up against his chest and he smelt the same, but also different. The same detergent smell, but something new, a faint smell of deodorant, or cologne, and something more that she couldn't place. His chest was a different place as well. Whilst he was still skinny, there was a new broadness to it, there were probably even muscles under that horrific shirt of his, given that his arms had new strength to them. She needed the arms because they held her even tighter and for the ten minutes or so that she allowed herself the luxury of sitting in his arms, all felt ok with the world. At length she pushed away and he released her. As usual she gave him a heated glare.

'Don't leave it so long next time,' he said in a total unreadable tone and she hated not knowing what he meant.

'Ass,' she muttered totally unfairly and left.

* * *

Dawson insisted they go on a double date and Joey couldn't help but be a complete bitch to Jen who just irked her on so many different levels. She was too perky, too blond, too much the opposite of Joey. She was everything Joey wasn't and Dawson wanted her. In fact Joey didn't think that it was possible to find a girl more different and given that she had a low opinion of herself to start with, that opinion sunk even lower. It was the first time in years that Pacey found her but despite his ridiculous teacher fantasy. When he'd seen her face he'd made it a priority to find five minutes to hold her in his arms. She'd attempted a smile of thanks but was pretty sure it had turned out as her usual glare.

* * *

He took her to see her dad. She needed to see him and so he took her, keeping conversation light and amusing but then bribing the guard to give her what she needed. When they took her dad back inside, when it was just her and Pacey stood outside a prison, the darkness all around them she'd gripped his hand and he'd pulled her against him, holding her close. She'd taken it, all of it because even if her dad loved her, which he claimed to, he wasn't there to hold her.

* * *

Everything was quite literally burning around her and she was so desperate to reach her dead beat dad that she barely noticed. What's fire compared to family at the end of the day, and if anyone could fault her it would be for her ridiculously misplaced loyalty. He might suck as a father but he was hers and Joey didn't have a lot and so she wanted him. Dawson promised to find him and then Pacey took her hand and he pulled her from that building, her hand clasped in his, firm and unyielding. When they made it out his arms wrapped around her and she barely noticed because he smelt like smoke not Pacey, and her father and Dawson were still inside. She barely noticed that he was holding her in front of everyone because in truth if he hadn't been holding her she may have lost the little sanity she had and she may have run back inside that building. So whilst she _barely_ noticed, she did notice and she needed it.

Later that evening, still covered in smoke and soot and feeling like she was completely alone, alone and unloved she went to his house, snuck in through the open back door and up to his room, avoiding his drunk father still sat in his chair and watching sports on their old television. She opened his door without knocking and stood with her back pressed against it wondering what she should do because he was lying on the bed in a pair of pyjama pants and a wife beater and whilst he looked like Pacey, he also looked different with his hair wet from the shower and that delicious smell wafting from him. She wasn't clean, or fresh. She was pretty certain there were tear trails tracking through the dirt on her face but she needed him, needed the one thing he gave her that no one else could and she wasn't brave enough to refuse it even if he had a girlfriend and was older now, and stronger and more attractive, because he was still Pacey and he'd always done this for her. He stared at her though, a new challenge in his eyes that she hadn't seen before and she realized he was hurting too, that his girlfriend had lost it and was gone and his life really wasn't much better than hers. In fact their fathers were probably neck and neck in the "who's worse" competition.

'I...' she tried to say something but the words got caught behind the lump in her throat. His eyes softened and he opened his arms to her, and she curled up into them, tight against him, everything from his smell to his even breaths calming her inner turmoil. She felt his head press against hers, his lips on her hair and whilst it was new, it wasn't unwelcome.

'We could try being actual friends you know,' he said at length and she sniffed into his chest, a half cry and a half laugh. 'Or maybe not,' he mused lightly.

'It might make all the hugging weird,' she said at length.

'Nah, this is what we do,' he shrugged easily, 'this is just how it works.'

'I'm not very good at talking,' she admitted.

'Isn't that all you and Dawson do?' he chuckled and she found herself smiling.

'Well yeah, but you and I do this, and he and I do that.'

'All your bases are covered huh?'

'I don't have anyone else,' she admitted in a small voice, 'Bessie is always so busy and with Dawson everything is always loaded, but we've always done this and I just...'

'I know,' he stated and he sounded like he really did know.

She didn't have anything else to say so she remained quiet, pressing her nose up against his chest to mask her own smokey smell.

'Are you ok?' he asked at length and she knew she'd been there much longer than ever before.

'Are you?' she challenged.

'Not really,' he admitted.

'Not really,' she admitted as well.

* * *

The very next day Joey was back at his house. The anger, the hurt, the fear, too many emotions all bubbling up inside of her, threatening to overwhelm her and she didn't know where else to go because there was no where else. She couldn't and wouldn't go to Dawson, not after he forced her to go to the police, to Pacey's dad. Forced her to send her own father, _her own father, _back to jail. Her own sister could scarcely look at her. Not because she was angry, Bessie always wanted the best for Joey, but because their lives were once again at a truly untenable place, and what hurt Joey hurt Bessie, especially with the weight of responsibility on her big sisters shoulders, a weight Joey knew she'd now have to share if they were to survive. It was all too much and so she went to his house, to him, the place she always went when things were too much. Much like the previous day he was fresh from the shower, this man boy of her childhood and she itched to jump straight into his arms where his smell and his strength would magically solve everything, at least for the few minutes she was there. She was antsy though, her brain flicking through all the many reasons she was stood before him, all the things that were so terribly _not right. _

_'_Come 'ere,' he urged in the end and kicking off her shoes she tumbled onto the bed beside him, his arms holding her firmly, tightly, the surprising soft kisses to her hair not only welcome but comforting.

'Pacey,' she was surprised at his name on her lips, but she burrowed closer, her ear pressed to his heart where the steady _thump thump _forced the worries from her brain, each thump helping her to relax, to _breathe_ \- a task she'd never had to actively think about before. She sniffed, the smell of him reducing her racing pulse, pulling her back to the sanity she craved, as her hands clung onto him as tightly as she could.

'It's ok,' he whispered against her hair and those words, coming from him, didn't sound as empty as when they came from anyone else because she knew that he knew the truth - that for the both of them things weren't and they wouldn't be for quite some time.

'I wish I could be ten all over again,' she admitted. 'I wish I could go back and then just stay that age forever.'

'I just want to be old enough to leave. I just want to leave,' he admitted.

'Capeside?' she asked looking up at him.

'Preferably, but home. Or this house.'

'I think Bessie would cry if I was ten forever. She wants me gone.'

'She loves you,' he told her gently and she grudgingly shrugged.

'She loves me less today than normal.'

'Maybe,' he conceded.

'We may as well be orphans. Bessie and I,' she muttered into his warm chest, 'if he were dead it would be clean cut. This is messy and yet we don't have anyone. There's no one Pace.'

'There's me. And Dawson.'

'We're just stupid kids. No offence,' she muttered.

'None taken,' he laughed and his whole body rumbled underneath her. She liked the feeling.

'I don't really wish he was dead and nor do I really want sympathy.'

'I know - you don't like people feeling sorry for you,' he squeezed her a little tighter.

'I loathe it because it doesn't do anything. It doesn't give Bessie and I money to feed ourselves, to live on. What are we going to do? I mean what are we actually going to do?'

'The gas fill up place down at the marina are hiring?' she felt his shrug and she found a small smile on her face because Pacey was good at the practical solutions.

'Ok,' she sniffed.

'And you need a little if the sympathy too,' he told her.

'No I don't,' it was irritating but not irritating enough to make her move.

'Trust me Jo, it won't be long before people pretend not to see. Just like they pretend they don't know my dads a drunk, that my dad's a lousy father. Soon enough they'll be pretending that you and Bessie are just fine, that it's your fault that you don't have any money. Right now it's all your dad's fault and that's right but the people in this town are awfully good at pretending.'

'You're right,' she acknowledged somewhat grudgingly and she looked up at him, her fingers gently tracing the damage to his face she knew was the result of his father's fist.

'I hit him back this time,' he admitted.

'He deserved it,' she didn't mince her words because she knew them to be true.

'He mocked me. My girlfriend goes crazy and he mocks me. Fucking bastard.'

'Yeah,' she snuggled a little closer.


	2. Chapter 2

**Hi guys,**

**Here is chapter 2. Thank you so, so much for reviews, follows and favourites. Please keep reviewing - this just sort of flowed over the last few days, and feedback, questions, all of that is good! It gets M, very M rated - be warned, but there is also a story. **

**Thanks, Tab:-)**

**Chapter 2**

The summer was long, hot and lonely. Joey and Pacey grudgingly spent time together given that there was no one else, save for Jen and Jack who joined them. What had been awkward quickly became the established status quo. Dawson was off in Philadelphia and Bessie was overwhelmed, so when she wasn't working at the marina Joey argued with Pacey, chatted with Jack and learnt to communicate with Jen.

Dawson's return complicated everything. She had no doubt the ridiculous pole dancing party was all Pacey's doing, but still, it wasn't as if Dawson seemed to have any problem whatsoever with it. She wasn't sure what drove her to strip off for Dawson, expose herself in ways that weren't who she was in any way, to take a risk with her fragile and damaged heart, to risk rejection. The sting of that rejection wasn't worth it because she felt terrible, honestly awful because she wasn't what he wanted, what any boy wanted. She was too tall, too awkward, too damaged, too alone. She wanted to find Pacey, she did, but she knew where he was - at Dawson's leering at women prettier and sexier than her. So she went to her house and sat on her dock and wondered whether life would ever feel any easier, any more bearable. Until Pacey found her, which she knew he probably would, if Dawson saw fit to humiliate her and tell him what had happened. Chattering on in his Pacey way he dropped to the dock beside her and wrapped his arm around her. It wasn't quite close enough but it was good enough and she felt the tears she'd been holding in fall.

'He told you what happened?' she grumbled.

'Yeah, I'm afraid so,' he pulled her a little closer. 'Come on Potter, wouldn't you say it's time we admitted we're friends?'

'I'm already upset,' she muttered and felt his chuckle rumble through his chest.

'If it makes you feel any better I'd always take advantage of you topless,' he told her.

'That's because you're a total horndog,' she told him with a little smile that he responded to with a bright smile of his own.

'Nah, it's because you're hot.'

'Well thanks, I think.'

'Any time.'

* * *

Friendship with Pacey happened without her noticing, perhaps, she mused because the friendship had always been there, the only difference being that they no longer hid it and even went as far as openly acknowledging it. She realized that when they weren't actively trying to dislike one another she actually liked him a lot. He was funny, the barbed banter was enjoyable, he was kind and considerate. He was delightfully glib when occasion required levity, but also always appropriately serious. In many ways he was an easier, more likeable friend than Dawson because he was a realist and he saw the world in a manner similar to her, but with just enough quirk to his world view as to offer something to her. They were very different as well. He was sexually aware, sexually confident and she wasn't. She was the opposite. For all Pacey's confidence with girls, she had equal fear and insecurity with boys.

* * *

He turned up drunk at the marina and somehow with him clutching that box of Andie paraphernalia, with him somehow launching the damn box into the water, with him obnoxiously drunk, it was somehow her turn to hold him for a second time since Andie screwed him over and hold him she did, tight up against her, his arms wrapping around her and clinging on.

'You can totally take off your top if you want. I'd be very in to that,' he told her drunkenly.

'Don't be an ass Pacey,' she chastised but she smiled a secret smile.

'Dawson's a fool.'

'And so is Andie, as I have said before,' she concurred. 'You're a good person Pacey. Better than most people and she is a fool.'

'Why are we in love with fools?' he asked resting his head on hers.

'Maybe we're a little foolish ourselves?' she suggested and he nodded,

'I know I am.'

'Me too.'

* * *

It was only a couple of weeks later that she was holding him for a third time, this time after Dawson's punch to his face, a punch brought on by distrust and jealousy - in her opinion anyway. Like Pacey would steal the dumb SAT test - well like he was any more likely than any of them. If there was one thing about Pacey, one word to sum him up it was honourable and stealing that test wasn't honourable. Kinda like cheating on your boyfriend, she mused, her suspicions landing on Andie as she cradled Pacey's head in her lap.

'Well life is just fucking A at the moment,' he teased as they sat there, Dawson long gone.

'Oh I know! Aren't we just the luckiest kids alive? Our parents are awesome and our best friend - he's the best,' she drummed out with heavy sarcasm, earning a smile from the patient,

'Hey, at least we have each other,' he told her with kind eyes.

'Some comfort - we barely like each other,' she teased but gave him a similarly soft smile.

'I know,' he pushed himself up to sitting and she sidled up close, wrapping her arm around his waist and pressing her head to his chest.

'If this is my hug, don't I get to press my head to your chest?' he asked with a smirk.

'Hmmm, yeah, like that's ever gonna happen,' she laughed.

'Oh go on,' he gave her a cheeky look.

'Come on Pace, you want that then bring me something worse than a punch in the face from Dawson,' she told him.

'There was distrust from my oldest friend thrown in there,' he bantered gamely.

'Nah, not this time.'

'Spoil sport.'

'Shut up Pace,' she muttered and gave him a final squeeze.

* * *

'I like the heap of wood Pace,' she threw down the sanding block and sat down.

'You're kidding me? That's you done,' he stared at her.

'That's me done,' she told him cracking open a can of diet coke.

'Come on Jo, where's your stamina?'

'Pace, I've sanded this hunk of junk for the last hour and a half. My arm is going to drop off.'

'You righties are a weak bunch,' he mused. 'And hunk of junk? Seriously Jo, don't hurt her feelings.'

'She has feelings?' Joey laughed, and then laughed harder when Pacey clamped his hand over her mouth,

'Seriously Jo, people can be pretty superstitious about boats. It never bodes well to refer to them as if they don't have feelings.'

'I'm sorry,' she mumbled into his hand and then pushed it away, 'and yuck, your hand is covered in dirt and dust.' He grinned widely at her, clearly amused by her discomfort. She merely rolled her eyes in return. 'I do like your boat Pace.'

'She's gonna be my way out of that house. At least in the summer when I sail down the coast.'

'You're gonna live on her?' she was surprised and didn't love the idea of Pacey disappearing off for the summer.

'You wanna come too?' he teased, but she recognized that there was perhaps a genuine offer behind it.

'What and leave my family to starve?'

'I forgot about them,' he joked.

'Bessie won't let _me_ forget.'

'That's cos she'll be starving. Any sign of the insurance cheque?'

'Nope none. We're pretending it isn't happening because what else can we do? We eat and I hang out with you,' she gave him a smile.

'I am the best source of entertainment in this here town,' he told her with a ton of elaborate, but useless, hand gesturing.

'Of course,' she nudged his shoulder with hers as he sat down.

* * *

'You ok?' Pacey arched a questioning eyebrow at her as they trundled through the leafy forest on Witch Island.

'Dawson is being...Dawson.'

'Meaning what? That he's turning you into Joey,' Pacey asked, but it wasn't a question, more like resignation that graced his tone.

'What is that supposed to mean?' she asked angrily.

'Stop mooning over the guy, he doesn't deserve it,' Pacey grumbled as they trailed behind Dawson and Jen who were moving up the path ahead of them, Dawson's camera tracking every move.

'He doesn't deserve my friendship now?'

'Ok, I take it back, you don't deserve what he does to you,' Pacey attempted to explain.

'And what is it he does to me?' she was offended by his insinuating tone.

'He makes you meek, and insecure, and awkward, and I don't like it. I _don't_,' he shrugged.

'Maybe I am all those things and you just don't like me. Maybe that's it,' she glared at him.

'Nope, that's not it. It's not and you can't make that be it, because it isn't true. You aren't meek Joey, you're strong, really strong, and yeah you're insecure, but actually not all the time, not in our friendship anyway. Sure you can be awkward but not when you're calling me on my crap, or bossing me about. You're you with me, natural and relaxed, not worrying about what I'll think of your every move, not worried I won't like what you do. You're you.'

'I...I..' her instinct was to defend herself and to defend her friendship with Dawson but there was a truth to what he was saying. 'Maybe it's because he doesn't see me the way I want him to?'

'He can know the real you and still see you as the absolutely stunning girl that you are,' Pacey told her with such blatant honesty that she felt suddenly shy.

'You're sweet Pace, but Dawson doesn't think of me as stunning, or anything more than sort of pretty.'

'Then he must be a blind fool,' Pacey shrugged. 'Don't let anyone make you feel less than beautiful.'

'You get that from one of your sisters _Cosmo's_?'

'Might a done,' he flashed her a gregarious smile and hooked an arm around her neck and pressed a sloppy kiss to her head.

'You're always so nice to me,' she mumbled.

'That's cos you're so sweet and appreciative,' he told her with heavy sarcasm.

'Watch it Witter,' she muttered, thwacking him in the chest.

'Ladies and gentlemen - the _real_ Joey Potter,' he grinned in response to her glare.

* * *

'If we're friends now, why do I have to bargain for math tutoring?' Pacey wondered as they sat in the empty classroom.

'That's how friendship works Pace - you need something, I need something and we both help each other out.'

'Talking about helping each other out - I miss our hugs,' he gave her a puppy dog look and she gave him a fierce Rottweiler expression in return,

'We don't talk about that - you know better Witter.'

'No, all I know is we never used to talk about it. Now we're friends we only ever seem to talk. As far as I can ascertain you aren't getting hugs anywhere else these days...'

'Actually I occasionally get them from this small little fella...'

'Your imaginary friend back! How is Micah?' he grinned teasingly.

'Haha, so droll. I was talking about Alexander,' she slapped a hand to the back of his head.

'Well I don't have a small cute baby to give me cuddles.'

'Pacey I offered you Chex Mix and that's all I'm offering.'

'I need more than Chex mix as you know. As previously discussed Tamara and Andie, they both taught me to equate...'

'We've been there already and I am not rewarding you with sexual favours.'

'And I'm saying that maybe a hug would do?' he gave her a beseeching look.

'You're ridiculous.'

'Look I don't think you're one to talk. Your half of this crazy little bargain has us in each other's arms and I'm suggesting you help me out here.'

'You're seriously suggesting I hug you, whilst you study, and that I do so in school?' she gave him her best "_you're entirely deluded_" look.

'Well I was thinking we should study at my house.'

'You're ridiculous,' she muttered again. 'And don't you have some limited time offer? Some sex pact to help and if so why do you need me?' she glared at him because the sex pact was stupid, ridiculous and stupid.

'I just do. That isn't... happening just yet...'

'So you need me.'

'And you need me,' he gave her a huge smile and she caved.

'Well pack up then. We have to be at the dance studio soon.'

'You're the best Potter.'

* * *

'You're not serious?' she had her hands on her hips and everything because _really, _Pacey must be deluded if he thought she was going to sit where he was suggesting.

'I promise, you'll see, I'll retain everything you teach me,' he looked so earnest she wasn't sure what to do.

'Don't you think you aught to break this questionable habit?'

'I need to not flunk math,' he told her. 'Look if it makes it any easier pretend something bad has happened and it's the old days when you sought me out more than I you.'

'Like what?'

'Picture Dawson on stage with Eve...' he suggested brightly.

'Um, no,' she shook her head.

'You wanna know how he crashed his dad's boat?'

'Witnessed it...that'll do nicely, thanks Pace,' she slipped onto the bed sitting between his legs, his arms wrapping around her. He leant back against the pillows piled up against the headboard pulling her back with him as she held the math book on her knees.

'Better,' he stated.

'Mmm, yeah, better,' she agreed.

'If anyone comes in it may look a _little_ suspicious,' he admitted.

'Then no one better come in,' she warned. 'Now focus.'

'Yes ma'am.'

* * *

Joey didn't really know what was wrong with her, but Pacey kissing Jen was just weird. Pacey sleeping with Jen was plain wrong. Pacey had more to offer than just sex. She knew he wanted sex but was it really worth blurring lines and getting hurt over? Not that she could truly answer that because she hadn't had sex, hadn't yet wanted to have sex.

'I forgot my coat,' she murmured reentering the Starlight Dance Studio, really there to see Pacey of course.

'Well yeah, you ran out of here in a bit of a hurry, didn't ya? Look, if it makes you feel any better, we never actually slept together. I mean, not even close,' he looked up at her from the floor where he was sat. It did make her feel better but she kept on her poker face.

'It's none of my business what you guys did or didn't do. I over reacted. I'm sorry,' she told him calmly.

'Yeah you did overreact didn't you?' he smiled smugly, almost as if he had a little secret.

'Don't act so smug. I'm not saying that you're right, or that I approve of what you guys are doing,' she told him with a shrug.

'Were doing. I'd say the time limit, on the limited time offer has probably run out now,' he said and she felt relieved because the situation was cleaner that way. And did Jen really need everyone? She'd taken Dawson, then Jack and did she really need Pacey too? She slunk to the floor beside him and he instinctively wrapped his arms tight around her, going so far as to pull her onto his lap. It was the best hug he'd ever given her and she didn't even really know why she needed it, just that she did.

* * *

'You met a boy?' he stared at her like she'd grown an extra head.

'A smart, good looking boy,' she smiled shyly.

'I thought this was an academic endeavour not some horny kid match up.'

'Horny?' she snorted.

'He's a college guy, of course he's horny. And is it even ethical to start macking on high school girls when you're in college and meant to be showing them around?' Pacey was gesturing wildly from his perch opposite her on his bed.

'AJ isn't like that,' she murmured a little dreamily causing Pacey to huff.

'Boys are all like that,' he told her darkly.

'What is your problem Pacey?'

'Well I'm sorry, but _AJ_? What kind of name is AJ?'

'What kind of name is Pacey?'

'I think my parents had run out of inspiration by the time I came along...' he frowned, his mouth a thin line of hurt.

'I'm being unfair. There are worse names than Pacey.'

'Well I'll try and be fair, and that's hard for me, as you well know,' he softened up.

'I'm sure,' she smirked.

'AJ isn't terrible, I just don't really dig the whole initials for a name business.'

'So I can't call you PJ?' she giggled.

'Nope,' he arched his brows at the sudden turn in the conversation.

'Why not PJ?'

'Because if you do, you'll forever more be Josephine, Josephine.'

'You wouldn't?' her jaw dropped.

'You still tickle people for calling you Josephine, Josephine?' he grinned widely.

'Whatever PJ,' she glared warningly.

'Or is it just Dawson that gets tickled, your hands all over that soft, soft, flesh...'

'Pacey,' she growled at the insinuation and didn't even think about hurling herself across the bed at him, her hands diving at the sides of his admittedly firm chest, as she attempted to tickle him. It had been a long time since she'd last tackled her arch nemesis and she quickly realized that tackling a pre pubescent Pacey was very different from the post pubescent beast she was gripping between her thighs. Apparently she was also very different to him, because something was pressing into her, something that shouldn't be as hard, or as big as it currently was. She knew what it was and unfortunately due to her infantile temper tantrum she was currently straddling the stupid boy that said appendage belonged to, and it was actually pressing right where teenage boys wanted to put said appendage. Her face burned but it wasn't like she could acknowledge it, because that would be awkward, which left her to continue tickling the idiot and pretend that the stupid male part wasn't rubbing up against her in a manner that made little electrical currents thrum through her body, and a steady pulse beat between her legs. She dared to look at him, because there didn't seem to be a way of getting out of this. His eyes were wide and practically black, though his expression was mildly horrified.

'For gods sake woman, stop wriggling,' he ordered in a deep no nonsense voice, his hands grabbing her hips. It stilled her movement but it also served to press her more tightly against him, and a traitorous waft of air escaped her lips, her eyes shutting for what could have only been a second. Mortified, she lay down on him and buried her face in his neck, relieved to feel his arms wrap around her. Oh, she could still feel him between her legs, she could still feel her ridiculously strong response, but he was holding her and when he was holding her the rule was she didn't have to talk.

'That turned out a little differently to when we were kids,' his hand stroked down her hair and she silently agreed. 'I won't call you Josephine I promise.'

'Thank you,' she said and then bit her lip in an attempt to resist but resistance wasn't her strong point when it came to Pacey, 'PJ.'

He'd flipped them over a second after the name left her lips, her hands pinned above her head by one of his strong arms - apparently she could no longer best him in an arm wrestle. He was still between her legs and it still felt far better than she thought it should, her body just itching to arch up into his. Of course she didn't do that. It was only the ridiculously breathy way she was breathing that told him her brain was wallowing in the gutter with his, that and her massive pupils.

'Pj's are something you wear. PJ, is not a name,' he told her and trailed his free hand up her side with the threat of tickling. Only it didn't feel ticklish, it felt good, and the breath she released turned into a sigh and he goddamned well heard. He didn't say anything though, because her reaction was as embarrassing as his, he just stared at her and moved his hand again, his finger tips ghosting over the side of her chest and this time it was a moan. She didn't even know where it came from, but somehow with this tall, strong boy laid on top of her, the evidence of his attraction to her - _to her_, not anyone else - pressed against her where it felt really, really good, she'd lost control of herself. His eyes were still locked with hers, his breathing as heavy as hers. She thought he might kiss her. Pacey, who after one failed kiss attempt in sophomore year, had never shown any sexual interest in her whatsoever, who had merely provided her with physical comfort on occasion and become her friend, her most reliable friend. His eyes broke from hers and stared at her lips and subconsciously she licked them, but then his eyes flicked back up to hers and she felt his thumb smooth over her boob, just grazing her nipple and it felt good, so good. She'd never been touched there before and during her own clumsy attempts at getting to know her own body her nipples and chest in general had done very little for her. However, Pacey's thumb just briefly touching it sent a jolt right down to between her legs and the god damned moan was back. He released her hands, the hands she hadn't even noticed he was still holding, and his hand ever so gently brushed at her hair, tucking an errant strand behind her ear and she thought again that he might kiss her but he didn't, he did something a whole lot worse, and shifted against her.

'Pacey,' his name fell off her lips in a breathy moan, _his name, _her whole body beating, the nerve endings firing away increasing her need to have him move again. His face lowered towards hers but he didn't kiss her, he pressed his nose, his lips against her cheek, an incredibly tender and gentle action at odds with the chaos and havoc he was causing in her body.

'I like you saying my name that way,' his voice was low, husky and unbearably sexy, and sexiness was not a term she'd ever thought of in conjunction with Pacey before. Sure he smelt good, and he wasn't bad looking, not at all, he was definitely tall and strong, but he was just Pacey. Now he was Pacey and he was sexy. Incredibly, mind blowingly sexy. His thumb made a definite swoop across her boob, swirling around the nipple at the same time as his hips made a deliberate move against her.

'Pacey,' she gasped again, her voice unrecognizable even to her own ears.

'This...it's wrong...' he moved again and the pulsing increased in tempo, instinct causing her hands to find him, to touch him, one hand slipping to the smooth skin between his pants and his tshirt, the other landing on the nape of his neck, smoothing through the short hair there.

'It feels good,' she didn't hesitate to say the words because she didn't want him to stop.

'It's just a very close hug,' he said into her neck where he pressed his lips - not a kiss, but warm breath that in conjunction with the movement of his hips against her made her feel that much closer to achieving what she hadn't yet managed to achieve by herself.

'Again,' she urged when he didn't immediately move and at her needy plea he moved with more certainty, his hand pushing up her shirt and delving into her bra so he could graze the naked nipple, 'mmmm,' she felt so close and clearly Pacey knew what he was doing, which was no real surprise, because he found a steady tempo, creating a steady friction between them and before she knew it her breathing was crazily erratic as the build up he was causing reached a pinnacle and she crashed over the other side, her hips thrusting up to meet his, a strangled moan that sounded suspiciously like his name escaping her, her hands both grasping greedily at the smooth skin at his waist. Her whole body felt it, all though her limbs, from the centre of her out to the furthest parts, even her scalp tingled. It felt amazing and she just slumped down into his bed with no will to ever move, ever again. Pacey was staring at her as if he'd never seen her before, his eyes wide with amazement, his pupils obliterating nearly all of the blue and then all at once, he moved against her again several more times, a little more rapidly and with less control than before, his hand holding her boob as his fingers played her nipple like it was an instrument, and even though she'd just come, her body sprang to life again and she felt the sensations pick up almost immediately, her breathing as harsh as his, until the erratic thrust if his hips and his own strangled moan took her over the edge a second time. He collapsed against her, his hand releasing her chest, removing itself from her top and holding her instead. After a couple of minutes he rolled off of her to the side and pulled her back against his chest.

'That was...'

'Don't say anything,' she interrupted.

'But...'

'Not a word Pacey...'

'But...'

'We acted like hormonal idiots...no need to dissect the embarrassing grope fest...'

'It was hot,' he managed chuckling as her hands squeezed him warningly. 'Surely you're not thinking of tickling me again - not already?' he teased and her face burned.

'I loathe you,' she muttered.

'Sure you do,' he grinned broadly, not that she could see it with her head pressed tightly to his chest.

'I should go,' she said at length.

'Don't run away, I won't mention it again,' he half begged without releasing her.

'I'm not running away,' she shifted away from him and despite her burning cheeks looked at him, 'I have to go help with the addition to the house - your crazy B&amp;B idea. In fact that's why I came over here - to see if you might be willing to lend a hand.'

'Not to tell me all about this super smart beau of yours?'

'Well that too,' she shrugged.

'Come on then Potter, let's go hammer some nails,' he realised her and with burning cheeks they both sat up on the bed. 'You're ok?' he asked softly, holding her gently.

'I'm ok,' she smiled up at him, then rested her head against his chest. 'I'm good.'


	3. Chapter 3

**Here's chapter 3. The tone of this is strange because I intended it as a fast moving one shot and it grew. I hope it is working. **

**I really appreciate the reviews so thank you. Please keep them coming. **

**Thanks, Tab :-)**

**Chapter Three**

Pacey was officially driving her nuts - he must want to send all the girls in his life insane because inviting some big shot hotel critic to her families new B&amp;B when their very survival hinged on the success of the venture was insane and he knew it, what with the heat not working and their dysfunctional fake guests. It was all ridiculous and messy and he was trying too hard, taking on too much, investing all his time and energy into making this work for them - he'd practically become their live in maintenance man. She hadn't meant to yell at him, not really, but with her home at risk it had all bubbled out and then he was promising to fix it but it was of course all too late.

He'd found her, some time after she'd got Fricke settled, curled up in her freezing cold bedroom.

'How's the privacy working out for ya?' he asked sitting beside her on the bed.

'Pacey,' she muttered and even though he was partly the cause of her distress she fell into his arms. She had been longing for them since he'd turned up earlier.

'I'm sorry. I don't mean to be such an idiot...' he pressed his nose into her hair and sniffed. 'I always manage to mess things up, even if I'm trying to help.'

'You're not an idiot,' she mumbled into his chest, 'well you are, but you're a well meaning idiot.'

'Dawson would never do something so dumb,' he sighed.

'No Dawson wouldn't even think to call Fricke. Not at all. It was a great idea Pace, we're just not ready.'

'We'll be ready. We'll make it a good stay, I promise,' he hugged her tighter.

'You promise?' she asked and she felt him nod.

'I promise.'

'Ok,' she agreed. 'Can we stay here a few minutes longer?' She wasn't ready to relinquish him, to relinquish the temporary peace she felt.

'Yeah,' he agreed and lay back on her bed, pulling her with him, holding her tight against his chest, his lips in the back of her hair. It felt intimate to Joey. It was intimate because she knew the effect he had on her body, and the effect she had on his, but it was still Pacey's arms - her secret place of refuge against the tough wide world. His face pressed against the curve of her neck, his warm breath fanning across her skin and without meaning to she leaned back into him, her butt making contact with the hardness that was apparently there again, that seemed caused by hugging her. His soft groan caused sparks to zip through her and straight between her legs, and her breath hitched, and though she knew it was wrong, that this wasn't what being in Pacey's arms was about, she shifted, causing her butt to rub against him,

'Joey,' he growled, the sexiest noise she'd ever heard him make, and his hand moved under her sweater and grasped at her whole boob, his palm giving it a gentle squeeze that had her squirming back against him once more. Her whole body warmed, that thrumming starting a steady insistent pulse, her body literally craving his touch. _Pacey's._

'Oh,' she gasped as his able fingers rolled her nipple and he moved against her. She flushed with mortification at making such a noise but he didn't seem to think badly of her. On the contrary in fact because he did it again,

'I wanna touch you,' his voice was deep, husky, sexy and yearning, all those things rolled into one, as he trailed his hand off of her chest and tracked a path south. She wasn't sure she could let him touch her, despite her body's insistence that she _must_ allow it. she was a shy person, embarrassed by her body,

'Pace,' she didn't even know if it were permission she was giving, or a protest as his fingers skimmed the button of her jeans.

'Let me touch you,' he pleaded, moving against her yet again, and dipping a finger down under her panties and doing a very definite circle of her clit, the place she had now discovered and knew what to do with - all thanks to him. Only his finger, with his hard on pressed against her, with his smell all around her, with his warm breath on her neck, well his finger was _so_ much better than all her fingers put together and she moaned, her legs widening just slightly of their own accord, her shyness disappering because she wasn't thinking any more, 'God Joey,' he groaned and his finger circled her clit again, a movement he was clearly incredibly skilled at, as she pushed her butt back against him. He flicked her zip down and pushed his whole hand under the waist band of her panties. Her whole body ached for his hand to touch her and he did, but just his thumb on her clit making deliberate, skilled circles that had her gasping, his fingers ghosting a millimetre above the wetness that ached for them. She shifted towards them, determined to achieve contact but he kept them carefully away from her. Even without them, his talented ministrations pushed her over the edge, the feelings spreading to the tips of her body, her hand flying to his, still down her panties and pressing it closer, his fingers just grazing the hot wetness that was all his doing. She wanted to push them into her, but her orgasm was still thrilling through her.

'Oh fuck,' he groaned at the contact and it was such a hot sound she wanted to kiss him, and she just didn't know what that meant, what any of it meant.

'I feel better,' she mused at length, and with some reluctance he pulled his hand from down the front of her pants, and with infinite patience did up the zip and button of her jeans, his hand then curling across her stomach under her sweater and top.

'Warmer?'

'Hmmm, that too,' she could still feel him hard against her behind but she wasn't Pacey and she didn't know what to do about it.

'We should...um...probably get out there...I'm gonna just...use the bathroom,' he pressed one soft kiss to her hair.

'Ok,' she flushed and then rolled over and gave him a quick, tight hug, one he returned, before she scrambled off the bed and left the room.

* * *

'Snow?' she asked later that night when everyone had gone to bed, Pacey who was supposed to take the couch lying in her bed beside her because, she told herself, they were friends.

'Bacon?' he teased gently from beside her, turning in his pillow so he was facing her.

'I do get the snow thing. Fresh, clean, one giant canvas,' she smiled at him in the moonlight.

'I get the bacon thing,' he agreed, 'I mean who doesn't enjoy waking up to the smell of bacon. I want that for you again. The comfort you associate with that smell.'

'I have another,' she admitted and he frowned.

'And you didn't share? Not when we were all having such a deep, communal heart to heart?' he was teasing. She shifted off her pillow and moved closer to him until her lips were at his ear,

'You. The way you smell. Your washing detergent mixed up with your deodorant and, well just you,' she pressed her nose to his neck and then shifted back onto her pillow away from him, looking at him again. Even in the moonlight she could see how black his eyes were, and could feel how they were looking at her.'Pacey,' she distracted him, from those thoughts, thinking his face impossibly beautiful in the silver moonlight.

'Yeah?' his voice was gruff.

'Things are a little weird between us,' she admitted.

'We're friends Joey,' he attempted.

'I know that,' she nodded with a little shrug. 'You know what I mean.'

'I'm your teddy bear,' he said at length, his voice barely above a whisper.

'Huh?'

'Kids have a teddy bear and since we were twelve, you've had me - something to hug and hold that makes the world a little less scary.'

'You're better than a teddy bear - you hug back,' she admitted, sure that her eyes must be huge.

'You say the sweetest things,' he teased affectionately.

'You do more than hug...' she ventured because one of them needed to acknowledge it again even if doing so made her cheeks burn.

'I make you feel better,' he shrugged, a little too cavalier for the moment, but she couldn't blame him - the conversation wasn't easy.

'You make me feel amazing,' she admitted and then buried her face in her pillow.

'You make me feel pretty amazing too,' he admitted, and his hand found hers under the covers, his fingers threading through hers and then holding on.

* * *

'You can stop now Pacey,' Joey laughed at him as he scrubbed at the guest bathroom.

'Well now you're ready for the next lot of guests which I'm sure will be flooding through the doors with Fricke's favourable review.'

'Don't use the word "flood" in here - the toilet may get ideas again,' she hissed.

'You're funny,' he laughed, 'but as the person that cleaned up said flood, I'll be more careful.'

'Everyone has gone. You've worked harder than anyone. I'll light a fire and we can sit and have some non working, teenage time.'

'I get to feel you up?' he asked brightly and she laughed through her blush,

'My family living room is strictly PG Pace,' she informed him but there was a twinkle in her eye.

'Spoil sport,' he grumbled with a pout, 'ok, go ahead, go ahead, I'll be done soon.'

'Be sure you are,' she told him sternly.

'I may have to just stack the wood I chopped earlier...'

'Pacey...'

'I'll be there soon, I promise,' he smiled and she left.

It was another half an hour before he found her in the living room. She was practically asleep on the couch and it was a few minutes before she realized he was staring at her.

'Hey,' she yawned.

'I am so tired,' he mirrored her yawn.

'You have to go home?' she clearly didn't want him to.

'To what?' he shrugged, 'I can stay.'

'Come sit for a bit,' she urged and attempted to sit. He chuckled and slid his body behind hers pulling the blanket from the back of the couch over them, his arm wrapping around her.

'I wanna sleep,' he murmured.

'Hmmm,' she agreed and his arm tightened a little.

'I could sit by a fire and watch you all night,' he whispered the words, or she thought he did but she was so tired, so nearly asleep that she wasn't sure.

* * *

'I'll try and make it,' Joey reassured him for the umpteenth time feeling guilty but acting nonchalant, 'and anyway I'll be there tomorrow front and centre.'

'It's opening night. You can pretty much guarantee there won't be a Witter anywhere near the place. I need a friendly face,' his convincing tone belied a real fear - she knew that but there was little she could do. Pacey was a friend and AJ was more.

'And as I've already explained the aurora borealis need exact conditions and...'

'Tonight the conditions are favourable, I know,' he scowled. 'Tonight is opening night Jo,' he pleaded.

'And tonight is my date with AJ,' she reiterated feeling more and more tempted to ditch AJ and watch Pacey.

'Please,' he fell to his knees and looked up at her and it was hard, really hard to resist those eyes.

'You'll be fine,' she laughed.

'I won't - not without you there. Don't be cruel, please,' he pleaded and those eyes of his sunk right into her and squeezed her heart.

'Pace,' she grumbled and took his hand and tugged him to the bed. 'Sit down,' she said and he brightened considerably, sitting on the edge of her bed. 'I'm giving you a hug is all,' she told him primly at the look on his face.

'A special hug?' he asked and she rolled her eyes.

'A hug,' she stated but her eyes fell of their own accord to his crotch, and she could see he was already turned on which made her heart pound. Instead of flushing with embarrassment she felt her confidence swell which surprised her entirely. After Dawson she figured she didn't have much confidence left but perhaps those intimacies with Pacey, perhaps they'd restored her in a way she hadn't noticed. Not until now.

'Ok,' he smirked knowingly, seeing her eyes dilate.

'Don't be a jackass,' she grumbled, but her heart wasn't in the complaint.

'You're being the jackass because you're missing opening night,' his wasn't either, not at that moment.

'Fine,' she muttered and without dwelling to much on what was doing she peeled off her top. She wasn't sure where the decision came from, but unlike the time she revealed herself to Dawson, this time she was confident the reception would be favourable, that Pacey was already turned on.

'Fuck,' the curse word from his lips made her glow. 'Come 'ere,' he urged, his eyes staring at her bra covered chest, his eyes wide and practically pitch black. Unsure where this was going, or what she was even doing she approached the bed standing in front of Pacey who was sat on the edge. With a glance up to her eyes, he pressed his face to her breast bone, and breathed deeply several times, his arms wrapping around her waist. His tongue shocked her, a gasp echoing between them as it enclosed over her nipple, drawing both her and her bra into his warm mouth. He tugged her closer, pulling her between his legs and she felt the hardness of him right at her throbbing centre, his teeth nipping down at her chest and causing her to release a loud moan, loud even to her ears.

'Sit on me,' he coaxed, tugging at her ass until without even being sure why she was doing as he bid, she put a knee on either side of his thighs, and sat, his hard cock now pressed right against her and with his hands on her ass he could rock her against him which he did.

'Pacey,' she pressed her lips to his neck, her hands in his hair. His hands moved up her body, across exposed skin until he was tugging at her bra straps, pushing them down until the cups were gathered under her boobs. She thought to be self conscious but there was no time because he was staring, the look on his face nothing but blatant approval, his hands ghosting up her sides again to cup her breasts, thumbs swirling round her nipples, until his head was bent towards them and he was sucking the bud right into his mouth, his tongue swirling in a manner that had her gasping and rocking on top of him,

'God,' he groaned into the her skin, switching to suck her other nipple into his mouth, his hands on her butt moving her faster against him. 'Joey,' he moaned her name.

'Don't stop,' she complained and his teeth nipped at her making her cry out, her own hands tugging up his tshirt so she could feel more of his skin. His hands rounded on her butt, driving her against him in just the right way until she could feel her body about to explode and she took over, rocking faster and faster until she cried out his name, her whole body tensing on top of his as the deliciousness spread through every limb, to every fingertip. He bucked up again and groaned loudly, pressing his face back between her breasts, his hands smoothing down her back and holding her tightly against him.

'Feel better?' she asked in a shaky voice, her breathing still crazily erratic.

'Much. You?' he didn't mover his face.

'Hmm,' she held his face where it was against her nakedness, the warmth of his breath fanning across her, comforting and exciting all in one go. 'I'm sorry I won't be there.'

'You still suck, even though I feel better about it,' he admitted and looked up at her with soft affectionate eyes. 'I still think you should dump college guy.'

'It's just a date Pacey,' she muttered and he shrugged,

'I know,' he nodded and pressed a gentle kiss to one boob and then the other before slipping the cups of her bra back up and putting her straps back on her shoulders. 'I know,' he said again and rested his head against her heart.

* * *

Pacey was waffling on, still trying to convince her to bail on AJ, and there was some appeal to that, but AJ was amazing - in a way. Pacey was way off base suggesting AJ was tricking his way into her pants because AJ wasn't an operator. Pacey made a big show of how AJ would find negligable ways to touch her, but didn't Pacey always manage to touch her and not in negligible ways whatsoever? Of course when AJ arrived and was stood there in her house, with Pacey there as well, AJ being the opposite of Pacey and doing exactly as Pacey said he would, all she could think about was Pacey and not AJ. And even though Pacey's description of her looking _incredible_ was still ringing in her ears she left with AJ.

* * *

She made it to the after party because when AJ nearly kissed her it was all wrong and she didn't want to kiss him. Just like Dawson, AJ was everything she thought she wanted, except he wasn't what she wanted and she wasn't where she was supposed to be and so she headed to the school and to the after party. And Pacey he knew, knew AJ kissed her, knew and said AJ would have been a moron not too, and all Joey could really think was that Pacey hadn't kissed her, that he'd never even tried despite touching her more intimately than anyone else ever had. And all the while, whilst thoughts of Pacey kissing her fluttered through her mind he was waffling on, talking about love - _love_ \- surprising you in strange places, and really all she could focus on was why, why he hadn't kissed her. He'd thought about it, she knew that but he hadn't actually done it. He hadn't kissed her and so when AJ turned up she left again.


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey everyone.**

**Here's chapter 4. Please review. Please because I've hit a bit of a brick wall and time is short and work is long, so please review. I have a couple more chapters written and I just need to get over my current block, so to beg again...review. They guilt me into writing - good guilt as I don't want to let people down:-)**

**Tab:-)**

**Chapter Four**

After Joey had realized that Pacey not kissing her irked her far more than she'd like, after she recognized that there must be a reason he didn't kiss her, things became weird. She realized that perhaps they'd taken things too far but it annoyed and upset her that he could put his face on her chest, his hand down her panties and yet he couldn't kiss her for whatever reason. He still hung around, _like a bad smell_, but even though at times she desperately wanted him to hold her, more frequently than she could bare to admit, she didn't seek comfort from him - she kept a distance. And she got mean - her old remedy for dealing with the weirdness that was her and Pacey. The weird thing was he got mean too. She focussed on Dawson and his lame attempts to get drunk and be frivolous on Valentine's Day and Pacey, he focussed on her focus, called her on it. Then there was the prison cell bit, the bit where he sounded bitter and angry at her all because she was worried about Dawson. Andie had it right, Pacey was some big dumb, loveable puppy, but God she wanted to kick him outside. So she called him on it, called him hurtful and mean, and he professed to being the lout in the corner existing on the periphery of her and Dawson, which was nonsense but she was too mad and hurt to even want to tell him that. Fuck him, was all she quite honestly felt about the situation. He touched her, she let him touch her and he didn't kiss her. In his own words that made him a moron.

* * *

Joey opened the door to see Pacey standing there and her immediate impulse was to shut it in his face, because he was a jerk. Whatever he felt about Dawson and her, well it didn't justify how mean he'd been the night before.

**'**What I said last night was way out of line...and yes I was drunk, but more to the point I was just plain wrong and I wanted you to know that I was really sorry,' he rushed the words but she heard them and softened,

'Well...I was worried about you too, Pacey.'

**'**Me?...Why?' he looked so surprised and she didn't know why he was always so convinced he didn't matter.

**'**Well...because, I mean Satan himself could lead Dawson into the fiery pits of hell and he would still come out with his moral code firmly intact, but you...maybe I think that nobody's worrying about you right now.'

'So then, what you're really saying is, given the highly dysfunctional nature of our relationship, this is actually how you express concern for me?'

**'**You gotta learn to read between the banter, Pacey.'

'Right..._' _there was a long pause.

**'**So...so, are we all finished here?' she asked because he had a look about him, the kind of look she was beginning to recognize.

**'**No, actually, um...there's something else,' he stared at her and she waited but he didn't speak.

**'**Something else?' she arched an eye brow.

**'**Yeah...it's just something I've been meaning to tell you...uh...look, uh...Joey...' he looked at her, a really cute little look, _'_...you're lingering on your clutch, okay? I know you think you're just easing into the gear, but...it's not a good idea, you know, maybe not today and maybe not tomorrow, but soon you're going to do a lot of damage to your transmission, so...what I was thinking was that if you wanted to, I could show you.'

'Now?' she was surprised. She hadn't thought he had her driving on his mind. She was surprised herself at just how desperate she was for him. It had been too long, and even if it was just a hug, she desperately needed his arms around her, his body close to hers. However much it all bothered her, she needed him.

'Well maybe in a bit,' he edged a little closer to her, his hands creeping into the hair at the nape of her neck. Carefully he brought her close to him and pressed a kiss to her hair. It reminded her of her irritation, of the fact that he could touch her and not kiss her.

'Maybe now,' she said a little coldly and he looked down at her, clearly surprised.

'Don't be mad with me Jo, please. I'm sorry,' he pleaded, his thumbs tracing her cheekbones.

'I'm not mad,' she muttered sounding mad even to her own ears.

'You are,' he pulled her tight against him, 'and I'm gonna hug the mad out of you. You can't be mad at me, you know I'm an idiot.'

'A moron actually,' she muttered into his Pacey smelling chest, wondering if he'd get it.

'A total moron,' he concurred as she hugged him back even though he didn't get it.

'You coming inside to hug?' she asked at length because she _missed_ him and he smiled widely,

'You do forgive me!'

'For yesterday yes, for being a moron, we'll see,' she headed into the house, Pacey on her heels, following her to her bedroom.

'Bessie here?'

'She's at the store. We ran out of _stuff_.'

'The store huh?' he grabbed her in a bear hug pulling her onto the bed with him. She yelped, surprising herself with a girlish giggle, his whole body covering hers, nudging at her legs until he was nestled between them, apparently already hard.

'I think you hear hug these days and think something entirely different,' she chided lightly, but wrapped her hands around his neck.

'I think about you these days in general and my mind falls at an alarming rate right into the gutter.'

'Really?' she arched a brow. 'I'm in the gutter?' His blush surprised her,

'You're no where near the gutter Jo, you're way up high, some kind of goddess I think. I mean you're beautiful and me...I'm the one down in the gutter because when I think of you, of _hugging_ you my mind just goes all over and I think of your chest in my hand, of how wet you were that time...warm and wet, and all for me and then I can't stop thinking about it...'

'Pace,' she arched against him, his words doing crazy things to her.

'I think about touching you Jo,' he rolled off of her and placed his hand between her legs, rubbing softly through her pyjama pants. 'Here is where I think about touching you,' he shared it like it was a secret, like he was worried she would tell someone which she really wouldn't. His thumb found her clit but his fingers dipped lower and she moaned, her head thrown back. 'I love that sound,' he whispered against her ear, his breath tickling her lobe and causing the throbbing between her legs to intensify. Her hand gripped onto his and pulled it away from her

'I'm sorry,' he breathed into her neck, the apology sincere, but all she did was lay his hand on her stomach and then push it down, down under her pyjama pants and back to the throbbing heat. 'God, Jo,' he groaned the words, his hips bucking against her thigh as his thumb began to trace gloriously right circles on her clit rising her up to that lofty precipice that he was so good at pushing her over.

'Pacey,' his name was her lament and he heeded it, tracing over the wet, tight entrance to her body, once, then again, and a third time, and just when she was about to use her hand to force his, he dipped a finger into her, just shallowly at first, but then deeper.

'Oh,' she couldn't even be embarrassed by her noises because he was too good at what he was doing. Then he did something different. She didn't even know what but the feel of his finger in her changed into something divine and completely addictive. 'Pacey,' she practically sang his name as her whole body abruptly seized around his hand and wave after wave of pleasure rolled through her. 'Oh my god, what did you do?' she rolled over and clamped herself to him, her breathing erratic.

'You liked it?' he sounded very pleased with himself.

'You made me come before, but that was different,' she could still feel it. He looked delighted at her casual mention of coming. Joey would have thought she'd blush but she was still on her come down.

'Just a little trick I know,' he shrugged and tightened his arms around her.

'Just a little trick you have to teach me,' she crooned feeling suddenly sleepy and peaceful.

'So you forgive me for being a moron?' he asked with a smile.

'I forgive you but you're still a moron,' she muttered running her hand over his pecs and then the ribbons of muscle in his stomach.

'I'll probably always be a moron,' he admitted.

'I hope not,' she sighed.

* * *

Pacey was being a total idiot. Ok, so some idiot destroyed her mural and that hurt, really hurt, but he didn't need to get in a fight over it. What was the stupid boy thinking? She hated fighting, loathed it, and whilst it was attractive that he was standing up for her, a really, really nice feeling bubbling up from that, she really didn't want him to do it. Then when she called him on it, when she asked him not to throw away his future for her, well then he claims the _only_ reason he's been hanging out with her at all was because Dawson asked him to? She sure didn't think Dawson asked him to put his hands on her, but that wasn't the point - that side of things had always been between them, but the friendship bit? The bit where they cared about each other - _he_ claimed was thanks to Dawson, thanks to some ridiculous wife swap arrangement. Oh she was beyond furious.

Then Dawson called her on it, talked up Pacey to her, which quite honestly was unnecessary because she knew that Pacey was impulsive, thoughtless and stubborn, but the shred of genuine concern was more than a shred. Pacey did care, she knew that but at present it seemed to be in an impulsive, thoughtless and stubborn way. That wasn't all there was to Pacey though, not when he would beat up a guy for hurting her feelings. Pacey was brave, he wore his heart on his sleeve and he cared perhaps too much. He was an underdog, but he could be so much more if he only had a little faith. Not that he needed to change because he was already something special, he just didn't know it, or believe it.

Then she found him painting over her ruined mural, providing her with a blank slate and she did what she always did when her emotions got the better of her - she pressed her ear to his chest and wrapped her arms around his waist, not caring that the wet, painty roller was dripping paint on her, only needing the feel of his arms tight about her.

'Thank you,' she said at length.

'You're welcome. So you want help?'

'One condition,' she murmured against his chest, 'you gotta be honest. The only reason you've been hanging out with me is because Dawson told you to?'

'Yep, that's the only reason,' he smirked down at her expectant face.

'Hmmm. You need to get a life,' she arched a brow at him and he laughed.

'I'll think about it,' he pulled her hips towards his even though it was not the place for that kind of hug, his hands sliding off her hips and onto her butt. 'You look cute as heck in that outfit,' he murmured, putting his mouth against her neck.

'I'm here to paint, not hug,' she told him primly and he chuckled.

'And I'm here to help,' he pressed her against the wall with his body and raising his left hand continued to roller white paint on the wall.

'Doofus,' she told the solid expanse of chest.

'Jo, you might wanna move, you're kinda in my way. You're about as good at this as you are at sanding my boat.'

'Watch it Witter,' she squirmed out from between him and the wall and grabbed a roller, turning to look at him, she saw that he was staring at her, a smile on his face. She returned the smile.

* * *

Principal Green was going to have to leave and despite all the work she was doing, despite help coming from everyone they weren't going to change that. It was so frustrating, to be so powerless, to be so futile when facing the system. Pacey had said she could rally people, AJ agreed and yet despite the rallying, despite everyone that agreed, the end result was going to be that the board wouldn't back down and neither would Green.

She could tell AJ arriving to help, AJ being there at all bothered Pacey but what did he expect? AJ wasn't a moron - he kissed her and Pacey was just her friend and her teddy bear apparently. She knew why guys didn't kiss girls - she'd seen _Pretty Woman - _and if Pacey wasn't kissing her, if he was going to be a moron as he so eloquently put it, then it was because she was his teddy bear. His friend and his teddy bear and nothing more. So he could hate on AJ all he wanted, dislike his presence, but at the end of the day AJ kissed her, and that meant something.

And they did failed like she thought they would but hoped they wouldn't. Green resigned and it felt good to have stood up for what was right but devastating to have not had an impact. AJ left and that was good because she wanted Pacey, she wanted him to make that horrible feeling of the world not being right go away. Only he wasn't at home, and she didn't know where that meant he'd be because these days he was usually with her. Then Bessie was hanging up the phone and telling her to head to the store for bread.

'Good you're here,' Pacey grinned at her and grabbed her hand. 'Now come with me...'

'What?'

'Come just a little further, we're here.'

'I don't know where you think here is, but we're in the middle of nowhere,' she smiled at him because she'd needed to see his face, to hear his enthusiasm for life.

'Come on Jo, think back to where this all started. A girl with a paintbrush,' he held up a paintbrush.

'You bought me a paintbrush?' she frowned.

'No lame-o, this I stole from your permanent collection,' and he gestured at the wall, looking absolutely adorable in his wooly hat.

'You bought me a wall?' It didn't make any sense.

'Not bought. Rented. And this thing didn't come cheap either. It cost me a hundred bucks,' he gestured wildly.

**'**You bought me a wall?!' her heart was racing in her chest and she wished he wasn't such a moron.

**'**You said that already. Look, it's a limited time offer, so you should get cracking,' he handed her the paintbrush.

'Pacey, did you fail to notice the size of this thing?'

**'**Well I just thought your next endeavor should be bigger and better than your last one. It's important that you keep on growing both as a person and as an artist. Now I also got you this,' he held up small can of paint, _'_and I know it's not going to cover the whole thing, but as the saying goes, the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.'

**'**Well I'm going to need your help on this one,' she stared at him, not the wall.

**'**Ha, no no no no, not this time, you're on your own this time, sister,' he began to walk away and she hated it, even the sister annoyed her.

'Pacey, you're unbelievable, I mean as soon as I think I've got you all figured out, you go and you do something so...outrageous that...completely challenges me in a way that no one else would even think of that...in case I don't say it enough...thank you.'

**'**It's about time, Potter. It's about time,' he gave her a huge smile and deciding she didn't really care that they were in the middle of town, she dropped her paintbrush and threw herself at him, hugging him as tightly as she could. 'Hey, it's ok,' he wrapped his arms around her, holding her as tightly as she was holding him.

'Pacey,' she said his name because the other words swirling through her head were too jumbled, too confused and really they couldn't be said. He stared down at her and she tried to force something out,

'I want to do something...um... for you...' she mumbled into his chest.

'Kinda mumbling there Jo - can't hear?'

'I want to um... do something for you,' she raised her head to look at him.

'huh?' he frowned.

'Don't look at me like that. I said, I want to do something for you. For you,' she slid her hand down and into the back pocket of his jeans.

'You do?' again nothing but confusion on his face.

'Yes,' she stared over his shoulder at the wall, 'yes,' she took his hand and pulled him along behind her back to the truck Bessie had let her take. Dropping his hand she opened her door and got in waiting for him to get in beside her.

'Wh...' he coughed, 'um, where are we going?'

'I don't know,' she murmured and they fell silent until she stopped at the end of the drive leading to the B&amp;B. 'Here, we're going here,' she looked at him.

'You know you don't have to do anything for me,' he took her hand, his face a cross between nervous anticipation and blatant desire.

'I want to...but I don't know how,' she stared at the steering wheel.

'First off,' he clicked the radio on, switching it to rock, 'I mean I know you Potter and if there's too much quiet you'll get to over thinking and over thinking leads to over worrying.'

'Ok,' she looked at him. 'Do I um...need to do anything to um...you know...get you in the mood?'

'Err, no,' he shook his head and looked at her like she must be crazy. 'Let's...go in the back...I wanna hold you,' he unplugged and considering his height rather nimbly clambered into the back seat. After a second she followed him, falling into the seat next to him and into his arms and just like that it all felt ok. Principal Green leaving, the futile fight against the powers that be, Pacey buying her a wall, they all felt manageable again, and she realized that she wanted to do something for him, but for herself, because _she_ wanted to touch him.

'I've never...' she dropped her hand to his strong, washboard stomach and she noticed his breathing hitch - that little hitch made her feel good.

'And somehow you're doing great,' he quipped.

'Show me,' she said, moving her hand down, her fingers tracing the outline of his hard on through his jeans.

'Oh man... that's...um...pretty amazing...' he stared at her and his eyes fluttered shut as she continued her exploration. She was surprised how big it was because she didn't remember Dawson's being that big, but then he hadn't really got as close as Pacey was and she'd certainly never touched it. She didn't get how that was supposed to fit inside a girl. She was certain it would never fit inside of her, not that she was thinking of it going near the inside of her. Not that that was a bad thought, it wasn't, not at all, but no. 'It's ok,' his words were steady and meant to calm her.

'Can you, I don't know, maybe undo your jeans or something?' she asked licking her lips, feeling nervous but intrigued, excited and full of trepidation, a whole jumble of emotions.

'You want me to undo my jeans?' he nearly choked.

'Only if you want to, I mean...'

'Yeah,' he nodded and flicked at his buckle and then popped the buttons. She could see it straining against his boxers, this hard masculine thing that was all for her. Well she assumed it was.

'Is it thinking about me that does that? Or is that just because you're hormonal, and well you?' she looked up at him, a trace of insecurity.

'That's all you Potter,' his voice was so sexy. She moved her hand and gripped him, not tightly or anything, just sort of held it in her hand, testing out how it felt.

'Can I look at it?' she didn't look up at him just moved her hand to the waistband of his boxers. 'Please?'

'Sure, yeah, ok,' he watched her tug at the waist band and then he lifted his butt to help her.

'Wow,' she tilted her head to the side and stared.

'Wow, that's hot, or wow, it's not?' he coughed a little and she realized he was nervous, something she hadn't expected seeing as he had all the experience and she had none.

'Just wow,' she stared at it, and then reached out her hand and trailed a finger from the tip to the base, watching his body jolt from the sensation. 'Show me,' she told him and allowed him to take her hand and place it around him to show her how hard to grip and how to move it, his soft groans of approval feeding her confidence and her own desire.

'Yeah like that,' he trailed a hand up her side and squeezed her boob, his eyes on her hand on him. 'Fuck Jo,' he groaned, as she smoothed her thumb over the tip gathering the drop of moisture there, 'harder,' he urged and he looked at her with a heated gaze. A gaze so hot she was sure he was going to kiss her - the look was just like in the movies before the guy grabs the girl and kisses her senseless, but he didn't kiss her, he just ran a thumb across her cheek and then his head dropped back and his eyes fell closed. 'You're gonna make me come,' he moaned, the words crass but a surprising turn on. 'Keep going, please keep going,' he begged and even though her hand was tired she did keep going, surprised at the desire to put her mouth on him. She hesitated. His eyes were closed so he probably wouldn't even realize. She could just lower her head and put her lips around him. She'd heard from the girls at school, when they were talking around her, not to her, that you treated it like a lolly pop. She could do that, just for a second. She looked at him, his breathing erratic, his eyes shut, one hand on her boob, the other in his hair. He was beautiful. A beautiful boy who bought her walls, fought battles for her, who made the world seem less scary. Without slowing the pace of her hand she shifted, lowering her head just enough to enclose the tip of his cock with her mouth, her tongue whipping out to taste the slightly salty taste. It felt nice, nicer than she'd expected, the skin silky and smooth. 'Oh fuck,' she heard him swear, and felt his hips buck and then he was coming in her mouth which she had not expected nor anticipated. 'Oh shit I'm sorry,' he pulled her against him as she sat up, his come still in her mouth. She looked at him and then swallowed because what else could she do with it.

'Don't be sorry,' she shrugged a little and curled up against him. 'I didn't warn you I was gonna do that.'

'That felt, jeez Jo, that was... I...'

'Speechless?' she teased.

'One second of your mouth on me and I came, that was amazing,' he pressed a kiss to her hair. 'You're amazing.'

'Thanks for my wall.'

'It was nothing,' he shrugged bashfully.

'This is my favourite place in the world,' she admitted in a soft voice.

'The back of your truck?'

'No, dumbass, here,' she gestured to his arms.

'You've conditioned yourself to equate my arms with safety.'

'There are worse things to equate with safety.'

'I'm sure college boy wouldn't like this particular equation.'

'This particular equation is nothing to do with college boy.'

'If you were my girlfriend I would punch me out,' Pacey pulled up his boxers and jeans and then pulled her onto his lap.

'Good thing I'm not your girlfriend then,' she said, her head over the steady thumping of his heart. The thumping picked up.

'I guess,' he said and she held on a little tighter.


	5. Chapter 5

**Thanks for the reviews. The writers block is kind of shifting but slowly...oh so slowly, so if you like the fast updates review please:-) Thanks to everyone who has given feedback - especially the regulars - you know who you are. **

**Tab :-)**

**Chapter Five**

Joey didn't honestly know why she was bothering to go to AJ's college thing. She didn't know why she'd got Pacey to give her a ride, or why she was telling him that the night with AJ could be the most romantic of her life. All she did know was that Pacey had made her vulnerable, that he'd reduced her to a trembling mess but he wouldn't kiss her. Pacey for his part was using the ride to the train station to be dark and depressing, talking about pumpkins at midnight, how fairy tales didn't exist and wishes didn't come true and she knew why he had to rain on her parade - especially if he didn't want to be _her_ parade. She realized that perhaps she was trying to hurt him and that she was succeeding, because whether he wanted to kiss her or not, Pacey clearly didn't like the fact that she kissed AJ. And in honesty she wanted to hurt him because he had the audacity to question the fact that she and AJ kissed, that AJ kissed her and she let him. That hurt her and so she tried to hurt him back by buying into the romance of it all, of the fairytale, of the potential for a life changing night.

'Try and have a good weekend Pace,' she told him as he pulled up in front of the train station, and he took her hand,

'You don't have to go. You know it's not gonna be what you think, reality never is,' he threaded his fingers through hers and she stared at him.

'I'm going to miss my train,' she said because whilst hand holding was nice, it didn't really mean anything.

'So miss it. Stay here with me instead. We can eat pizza and go dancing too. _I_ could take you dancing. Nellie Olsen is having a party and I bet there'd be dancing at that. I mean Nellie's shindig might not be as fancy as college boy's but we would have fun. Jen and Jack might come, Dawson too.'

'You go. Have fun,' she urged because what else could she say.

'I don't really want to,' he deflated. 'Go on, go get your train, have fun.'

'Ok,' she wanted him to stop her but he didn't, just grabbed her into a crushing hug.

'Don't, you know, just don't let him do anything you don't wanna do...I mean he's an older guy and you're, well you, and just...'

'I'll be fine,' she squeezed him,

'You'll be staying in his room so just...you know...'

'I won't do anything you wouldn't do,' she told him and felt a twinge of guilt at his expression.

'Don't scare me Potter,' he muttered.

'I'm a big girl Pace, I can take care of myself.'

'I know, I know,' he nodded. 'Just stay safe.'

* * *

Pacey had been so right and even though it was probably going to earn her an "I told you so" she needed to get home, she just couldn't stay any longer and so she called him and with no questions asked he came to get her, like she'd known he would.

'You gonna tell me what happened?' he asked as they drove into the dawn.

'Everything you said. You were right,' she shrugged because it was all so predictable. 'There was another girl.'

'Oh. I'm sorry,' he said and she could tell he meant it.

'Are you?' she asked anyway, given his behaviour that morning.

'Of course. I was out of line this morning. I didn't want that for you.'

'Maybe I'm meant to be alone.'

'No you're not.'

'I think I am,' she stared out the window feeling a mixture of things. She was hurt by the situation with AJ, disappointed because the person she thought wanted her didn't really. And that was it - whilst AJ had hurt her, Pacey was hurting her more and Pacey was where she went when she was hurt and that confused her. Pacey confused her alarmingly.

'Why? Because you're sixteen and alone?' Pacey asked a note of scepticism.

'No because I'm sixteen and there are only two people who've ever really known me, Dawson and...'

'This guy AJ didn't know you,' Pacey protested.

'I was going to say you,' she admitted. 'And you - _you're_ a moron.'

'Wow, that's sweet Jo, real sweet,' Pacey yanked the steering wheel, steering abruptly to the edge of the road.

'Well you are,' she growled completely fed up.

'So you think I know you. _Me_? I know you and yet I'm a moron.'

'Your words not mine,' she glared out of the window.

'My words?' He laughed bitterly.

'Yes yours. You know me Pace, probably better even than Dawson and yes you're a moron,' she was angry, furious, and tears of hurt stung her eyes.

'Well I know why I think I'm a moron, but clear up for me why _you_ think I'm a moron,' he shook his head, clearly frustrated.

'You hug me,' she glared at him.

'I've always hugged you, that's _our_ thing. When our worlds are crappy we hug.'

'Oh, ok, that's it is it. We hug. Maybe I'm a moron, but it feels like a lot more than hugging,' she narrowed her eyes furiously and he blushed,

'Well yeah, the hugging has um, _evolved_.'

'So the other stuff - that's just what we do when our worlds are crappy?'

'You tell me?' he glared back.

'You're a moron,' she yelled.

'So you keep saying,' he yelled back.

'You touch me, put your hands on me, your fingers in me, and then you hold me. It's all just to comfort me?' she felt slightly sick because maybe that's all it was, only it had always felt like more. It had felt like need and want, like comfort and pleasure, like coming home. It had always made her feel _alive_.

'No Joey, no,' he put his hands on her shoulders and turned her to look at him, one hand moving up to cup her chin, his knuckle swiping at an errant tear.

'You said AJ...you said he'd be a moron not to kiss me,' she closed her eyes, trying to force back the emotion which she knew was futile. 'Yet you hold me, you comfort me, you touch me more intimately than anyone ever has and yet you don't kiss me.'

'You want me to kiss you?' he sounded so surprised, his eyes wide, his jaw slack.

'I want you to kiss me,' she nodded.

'Thing is, I want to kiss you, but I don't want it to be to comfort you,' he attempted to explain. 'I am a moron for not kissing you, you're right, but I feared that if I did kiss you you wouldn't know that it wasn't about comfort but was really about something else.'

'About what?' she asked.

'About how I feel,' he said and then clarified, 'how I feel about you.'

'I don't need comfort right now,' she told him and he got the message loud and clear, his mouth landing on hers in a heated, wet, messy but awesome kiss. Pscey could kiss she realized, probably about a million times better than her, and his tongue knew exactly what to do with hers, and it was suddenly beautiful and not messy but needy and she wanted more. She unplugged her buckle and clambered across, placing a knee in the seat on either side of each of his thighs, her arms wrapping around his neck as his drew her closer against him, she barely even noticed the steering wheel her back was knocking into.

'Joey,' he peppered her face with kisses and then pressed his forehead against hers.

'I can finally stop calling you a moron,' she smiled and then he was kissing her again, and it was amazing. Hedonistic and amazing to hear him moan into their kiss, to hold her more tightly against himself, to feel how much he wanted her, but to find him completely content to just kiss her. Ok, so maybe his hands couldn't resist her chest, but he was all about the kissing.

'You are just so beautiful,' he half crooned, his kisses trailing down her neck.

'My back's getting all bumped up,' she admitted reluctantly but rested her head on his shoulder and pressed a tentative kiss to his neck.

'Well let me get you home,' he gave her a brilliant smile and helped her climb back into her seat. He reached a hand across and took hers. 'Can we, um, clarify something here Potter?'

'What?'

'Is the kissing...it's not about comfort, right? I mean not for you?'

'What do you mean?' she frowned.

'I mean I can kiss you now. When I want to?'

'As long as I want to too,' she shrugged.

'Which would be when we're with other people?' he shot her a sideways glance.

'I...don't know?' she hesitated.

'No me either,' he acknowledged.

'Let's just let it evolve first,' she suggested.

'Evolve on the down low?' he asked with a small smile and she nodded.

'The kissing... That's new and separate to other things. The other things are jumbled up in something I don't think has anything to do with anyone else.'

'I'm pretty sure Dawson would have something to say about it all,' Pacey muttered darkly.

'I don't care about Dawson just now,' she admitted and leant into his side. 'I wanna get home and I want to kiss you some more.'

'Well I'm on board with _that_.'

'There'll be time to analyze, with us lot there is always a time to analyze, but that doesn't mean the time is now. It doesn't.'

'Sounds good to me,' he shrugged easily.

* * *

She was asleep by the time they reached her place, and Pacey gently shook her awake then kissed her, then kissed her again and again until her head was spinning and it wasn't from fatigue.

'I'll go. You must be really tired,' he didn't seem like he was planning to go anywhere, his lips pressed to her neck, his hands holding her.

'You have to go?' she asked disappointed and she saw him waver. 'I mean you're right, I'm tired, really tired, but I have all the books needed for that history assignment you haven't done. I finished it, so I could sleep... and you could write the paper and any time you lose motivation or you need to remember information you could just...I don't know, touch my boob or something?'

'You don't want me to go? And you're using school work to keep me here?' he looked awfully smug.

'School work and my boob?' she looked up at him hopefully because even though he looked annoyingly smug, she wasn't ready to say goodbye.

'Hmmm, yeah,' his eyes dropped to her chest. 'I suppose it wouldn't hurt to do the assignment.'

'Nope, it wouldn't,' she agreed. 'Come on then.'

'You'll wear one of those little tanks you sleep in?'

'Negotiation time has passed,' she smirked.

'But you will right?' he walked beside her, his hand grabbing hers.

'Probably.'

'And no bra?' his eyes were dark and she found that the crassness yet again didn't bother her because he wanted her, he desired her.

'You'll have to find out,' she shrugged but then fell silent because Bessie was in the kitchen and a family were at the B&amp;B breakfast table. She let go of his hand.

'Joey, you're home?' Bessie looked surprised to see her sister.

'Pacey came to get me. There was, um, another girl.'

'Oh Joey,' Bessie threw her arms around her sister.

'Do you mind if I go through the shower and catch up on a little sleep. My history assignments done and I'll clean the rooms a little later.'

'That's fine,' Bessie stated and she allowed Joey to pass, her arm shooting out to stop Pacey. 'Where are you going?'

'He needs to use my books. He hasn't done the assignment,' Joey hastened to explain.

'Well that's fine, but could he grab a screwdriver and fix the kitchen cabinet whilst you're in the shower and dressing?'

'He could,' Pacey smiled gamely.

'Well come on then Mr Fixit. I have coffee and a muffin with your name on them.'

* * *

Joey showered and brushed her teeth like there was no tomorrow and pulling on a pair of pyjama pants and just a tank, she headed through to her room. Pacey had apparently made fast work of the kitchen cupboard and was lying on her bed, history notes and books on the bedside table and a lined notebook on his lap.

'I'll write out a best copy later. I don't want to work at your desk,' he explained.

'We can go to the library and type them together,' she shrugged.

'Great,' he gave her a warm look and feeling suddenly shy she climbed onto her bed beside him. 'Too far away,' he teased as she snuggled up right into his side.

'Ha ha,' she pursed her lips and smiled.

'You sleep,' he said.

'And you study,' she nodded.

'About what you so kindly offered in the car...'

'The offer still stands,' she rolled her eyes.

'Well good because I made notes on this whole chapter whilst you were having that epic shower and I wouldn't want to lose all that information I learnt before I write the essay.'

'You're ludicrous. You said you made notes...'

'But wouldn't it be better for my overall academic performance if the information also stuck in my head?' He shimmied down the bed a little after putting his notes on top of his pile of books.

'Your argument is shaky,' she informed him primly.

'It's sound,' he argued his hand nudging her tank out the way and stroking the skin at her waist, specifically the hollow above her hip bone. 'I know you need sleep, but you smell so good, you look so good, you are just so, utterly irresistible,' he leaned in and pressed a kiss to her lips, soft at first but a kiss that quickly became the kind of kiss that drove all rational thought from Joey's rather rational head. His tongue duelled with hers, but not like Dawson's had, all large and wet, but in a way that made her body thrum with desire, a desire that made her want more, ever more, of him. His hand squeezed gently at her hip and spoke to the restraint he was exhibiting, and when she opened her eyes to look at him it was clear he would be very happy to do more than kiss. Without hesitation she wrapped her hands around his neck and drew him back towards her for another kiss. He really was an amazing kisser, everything just making her want more. Without even meaning to she pulled his body over hers, her legs opening so he could lay between her thighs. They moaned in unison as the hardness of his arousal hit her clit, the kisses growing more frenzied as she lifted her hips towards him at the same time he rocked on top of her.

'Fuck Jo,' his hand stole up her side and found her lack of bra and he smiled into the kiss, his smile begetting hers, a smile that fell from her face as he squeezed gently, his thumb brushing her nipple, as he rocked into her as they continued to kiss, his rocking hitting the right spot again and again, the feelings sharpened by the intimacy of the kiss.

'Oh god,' she knew she was going to come, and the realization had her wrapping her legs around him, her feet encouraging his movements and her hands running up his tshirt and over the smooth contours of his rather spectacular chest. 'Pacey,' she moaned, 'please,' she begged before claiming his mouth again surprised when he lifted his torso just slightly, her body rising with his to maintain the kiss, and oh, but that worked and with the next rock of his body, hers exploded with a loud moan. Still half recovering she rolled him off of her and undid his belt buckle, popping his jeans buttons before yanking at the waist band, Pacey thankfully lifting his mighty fine ass and helping, and then she had her hand wrapped around him, and with little hesitation after it had worked so well the first time, her lips. Using her hand and her mouth and basically following the lollipop theory and the incredibly sexy noises he was making, she pushed him crashing over the edge with little trouble, his hands in her hair, and his whole cock pulsating in her mouth as he came. She realized she must be a swallower and so she swallowed, before pressing a soft kiss to him, right on the tip and then shimmying up the bed.

'When I test you on those notes you better remember every single one of them,' she pressed a kiss to his chin.

'A quick hug, then work,' he pulled her close.

'I really like doing that for you,' she admitted.

'I really love you doing that.'

'It was very different doing those things with kissing.'

'Much hotter.'

'Much, much hotter,' she agreed. 'You kiss really well.'

'Shame you suck,' he joked and she tickled him, 'I lie, I lie,' he kissed her. 'If you sucked why can't I stop kissing you?'

'I don't know, but now I need to sleep and you need to work.'

'Yes ma'am,' he smiled and scooted up the bed. 'About what you said in the car...'

'Yes, you can still touch my boob,' she smiled to herself she reiterated again, secretly quite taken with his double checking.

* * *

'Pace, don't be mad, ok,' Joey stood in front of him in his bedroom hopping from foot to foot.

'Mad about what?' he frowned.

'Well you and Dawson went camping and I hung out with Jen and Andie.

'Why would I be mad? That's good. I always thought it a little weird that you didn't have any girl friends,' he shrugged.

'It wasn't weird,' she protested offended. 'I had you and Dawson, I had friends.'

'You're really sexy when you're all irritated by me,' he took her hand and pulled her towards his bed, tugging her between his legs and smoothing his hands across her butt, looking up at her with adoring eyes.

'Well look, Jen and I... we kinda get each other these days and I may have told her about the kiss. About the kisses.'

'Was she surprised?' he asked.

'No,' she shook her head.

'Jen kinda knew I wanted to kiss you. That I you know...feel for you,' he pressed a kiss into her stomach.

'So you're not mad?' she asked.

'I'm not mad, but I do think we should tell Dawson, we need to be the ones to tell him and no one else.'

'I don't think he'll ever forgive us,' she sighed.

'You he'll forgive, but me? I'm not so sure,' Pacey sighed an expression of grudging acceptance on his face.

'But you want to tell him?' she asked looking down at him.

'I don't want to stop kissing you. I don't want to stop feeling the way I do about you. I don't think I even could. For as long as you want me, you've got me.'

'I want you,' she concurred.

'I tried to tell him when we were camping.'

'Why didn't you?'

'He was going on about how I'm pure loyalty. _Pure loyalty_ Jo. I'm in love with his soulmate. I kiss her and touch her and I don't ever want to stop.'

'You love me?' the words stuttered out of her mouth, a smile and a frown behind them.

'I am so, so in love with you,' he admitted with eyes like she rarely saw on him. They weren't shiny happy eyes, or glib, joking eyes, or sad, they were deadly serious.

'Pace,' his name was an endearment, an endearment that was her only way to share her feelings because she wasn't as brave. She tried to put everything into his name because with him looking up at her with those eyes of his she felt everything.

'I am pure loyalty Jo, but to you not him.'

'I'll tell him. I can do it,' she shrugged acting far more relaxed than she felt at the prospect. Honestly it was terrifying but when she looked in his eyes she knew it was worth it.

'Really?' he looked so happy, so amazed that she would do it.

'Yes,' she kissed his forehead. 'We're heading to Aunt Gwen's. I suggest we spend time with our friends and I'll find a moment...maybe we don't need to make it a big deal. Maybe he can understand. Let's show that we're friends, and maybe he'll see how good you are for me, and that I'm good for you. Maybe he'll surprise us?' she kissed his cheeks.

'You surprise me,' he smiled.

'I thought I was dull and predictable,' she said without thinking, because that was how Dawson saw her,

'You're not dull. You're amazing. And you Potter, never have been and never will be predictable. I thought you'd not want to tell him.'

'I don't want to tell him, but I want you and so I will. And Pace I fear that his reaction will be predictable.'

'I fear that his predictable reaction will, well, that it'll come between us,' he admitted his fear and she could see how hard it was, see that he was truly scared.

'It won't,' she told him, 'I mean you're you and I'm me and well I've always needed you. I need you. I think I need you more than I need him. I want you more and whilst I can't imagine life without Dawson, I really can't, I don't think I could bare a life without you.'

'So I shouldn't worry?' he asked faintly.

'I think maybe we should both worry about the fall out because Dawson - he's been our friend for a long time, but what we mustn't forget is that you and I have been friends too. That we've been there for each other too.'

'That sounds like a plan. I also think that we should...well we should remember we have other friends too,' he rubbed his hands up her back and pressed his cheek to her stomach.

'I have Jen,' she agreed.

'And we both have Jack,' he nodded. 'And I don't mean to suggest that Dawson isn't important, but you and I...we've not had much of a network, not ever. We have friends and support. Jen likes you.'

'Because I've been so nice to her?' she asked and he chuckled.

'You're making amends,' he pressed a kiss to her stomach this time.

'I'm going to continue making amends because I need a friend.'

'When you have me?' he teased making a silly face.

'Sorry Pace, was I not clear enough, I need a friend to talk to about you,' she rolled her eyes.

'Stuff you can't say to my face?' he smirked.

'Hmm, yeah I imagine I'm gonna need to bitch a bit, I mean this is you,' she bit her bottom lip and then smiled as he nodded his head,

'Yeah I imagine you will.'

'And I might need advice,' she gave him a look, a look she hoped conveyed the advice she might need.

'_Really_?'

'Hmm, yeah,' she put a knee on either side of his, sliding herself onto his lap.

'God, I don't think you need any advice like that. Do you have any idea how sexy you are?' He pulled her closer, his lips finding her neck.

'But I may need to talk things through...with a girl.'

'And that's fine by me,' he shrugged as he pressed hot open mouthed kisses up her neck. 'What sort of things?'

'I need to ask her about your...your thing,' she blushed bright red, especially as he stopped his kissing and looked at her.

'My thing?' Clearly he was caught between amusement and concern.

'Your thing,' she rocked against said thing.

'What about my _thing_?'

'It's private,' she kissed his neck.

'It's _my_ thing,' he ran his hands up her back. 'Unless the truth is that your looking for a better name for it than "thing"?'

'I know other names for it,' she grinned into his neck.

'You sure?' Now he was definitely amused.

'Penis,' she smiled as she kissed him.

'So unsexy,' he used his hands to rock her, his lips moving back to her neck.

'Dick,' she whispered.

'God I love you talking dirty,' he moaned softly,

'Cock,' she claimed his lips again, kissing him. After a moment he pulled back,  
'So what about my thing?'

'I wanna know how big they normally are. Because that's supposed to fit inside of me and I honestly can't see how,' she raised her brows to emphasize her point, only realizing the implication which caused another round of blushing.

'You wanna ask her about sex?' he looked so surprised and so pleased that she kissed him,

'I imagine sex will one day be the logical result of all this hugging we seem to do,' she kissed the tip of his nose, 'provided you're not a moron.'

'Not planning on any moronic behaviour,' he reassured quickly and she laughed at him.  
'Good, then let's do our science assignment.'

'You wanna do science homework?'

'I don't want to flunk and I don't want you to flunk. I don't want you to be moronic either so let's educate ourselves and ward off any stupidity.'

'Good argument. I most definitely don't want to be moronic.'

'And I'm not trying to push you around,' she hastened to say.

'Come on Potter, you've always called me on my less than stellar academic achievement and you've always pushed me around.'

'But seriously Pace. You don't have to work for me. Or be some academic genius.'

'Yeah I do. I mean we all know how you feel about those college boys,' he wasn't being quite sarcastic enough.

'No, no you don't. Just be yourself. I promise that's enough because you are...you're just something special. I have to work hard. I do. I'm clever but I'm not gifted and if I don't work I don't get a scholarship and without a scholarship I don't get college. I have to work. And I like you working with me. We work well and you make it more...fun. Especially when we finish. I don't want this...what's happening between us to stop you doing what you need to do, or to stop me.

'I like working when I'm with you.'

'Well then let's do the assignment, make out like crazy and then call the others and see if they wanna, I don't know, go watch a movie, or go to the roller rink.'

'That sounds like an excellent plan,' he cupped her face in her hands. 'I wanna work Jo. I do. Sometimes, for me, the outside stuff takes over and I can't see the importance of school. But I wouldn't mind going to college. You know put off the real world for a while.'

'Then let's get on with it.'

'You know when you said in the car...you know before when we first kissed...'

'Yes Pacey, you can touch my boob,' she rolled her eyes.

'Score,' he grinned.

'Be less of a hormonal teenager about it,' she grumbled pulling their science work out.

'Yeah, sure. Says the girl that offered to let me cop a feel every few minutes it aid my information retention.'

'Oh shut it and read.'

'Sure,' he pulled her back against his chest so they could read together, his hand sneaking up her shirt and holding her boob. Hoping he couldn't see her she grinned. His soft, brief kiss to her neck told her he did see.


	6. Chapter 6

**Hey everyone,**

**Thanks for the reviews. I so need them at the moment so please keep it up. I am so busy and I'm struggling a little with the bit I'm on - so thanks!**

**Tab:-)**

**Oh yeah...this is fairly mature...**

**Chapter 6**

Dawson was waxing lyrical about them all being together and Joey had to admit it was nice to be heading for this spring break trip, a trip that would end an era of her and Dawson, and of visiting his aunt who was selling up. But looking around she was glad in some ways because it was the start of a new era, an era in which she had friends and, as she looked at Pacey who was all kinds of handsome, she realized it was an era in which she also had a boyfriend.

'Where's your head Potter?' said boyfriend asked with a nudge of his shoulder against hers.

'Just thinking about how much things change,' she nudged back.

'Things do change Joey, but some things stay the same,' Dawson said as they all sat themselves around the table at the quaint diner half way between Capeside and Aunt Gwen's.

'I'm with Joey here, I have to say, things are always changing and evolving. I mean the people we care about we tend to always care about but you know, sometimes differently. Some we care about less, some more. And new people are added, right?' Jen slurped on her milkshake and shot Joey a subtle wink.

'Thank you,' she mouthed at her friend.

'Well that's true, but don't you think at our hearts we stay the same? I mean we change our interests, our direction, what we're immediately surrounded by, even who we are...but certain things just keep us grounded,' Dawson enthused.

'That can be true,' Joey shot a look at Pacey. 'I mean Pace and I have had a little secret that's stayed the same for years.'

'Well now I'm intrigued,' Dawson smiled widely, whilst Jen just widened her eyes and Pacey narrowed his eyes in expectation, wondering what she was planning. Andie and Jack had also turned their attention to Joey.

'Haven't you two just shared patented banter?' Jack asked jovially.

'Yeah, and what was it...enough electricity to fuel a Kiss reunion tour?' Jen bit her lip and Joey gave her a quick wink,

'Actually it's far weirder than all of those things.'

'Well spill it Joey. I've known you guys forever and I haven't a clue,' Dawson truly looked surprised.

'That's because I used to threaten Pacey that if he ever told I'd pound him,' she smirked.

'You never actually used those words,' he wrinkled his nose.

'But you knew it,' she shrugged easily.

'The glare that speaks a thousand words,' he nodded sagely, 'well that and the broken toe you once gave me.'

'Spill it now Joey, come on, you can't hold out on us,' Andie encouraged.

'Ok...so it started back when we were twelve?' she looked to Pacey for confirmation even though she knew exactly when,

'Yep,' he nodded.

'Pacey, he came to warn me that his dad was about to arrest my dad. I mean he didn't say it, but he said enough.'

'Pacey looking out for you is nothing new,' Jen stated and Joey thought she could quite adore her new best girl friend.

'Well no.'

'So why did you flip out on me when you found out I asked him to look out for you?' Dawson asked with a light hearted laugh.

'Well because you'd thought you had to ask him,' she explained simply even though it was a little more than that.

'Ok, you're running around on us here. Spill the secret,' Jack called time.

'Ok, ok,' Joey smiled widely, because this wasn't the big reveal, just an idea she'd had to soften it all up, to warm Dawson up to the idea. 'Pacey and I argued, we called each other names, he chased me, wrestled me and I did the same back. We poked, prodded and hated on one another. But he came to warn me. My mom was dying and he came to warn me my dad was going to be gone too, and after he warned me he hugged me. He was little then, much smaller than me, but he hugged all the stress away.'

'That's the big secret? Twelve year old Pacey hugged you?' Dawson laughed loudly turning a few heads.

'Nope,' she shook her head. 'You see he turned up the next day and he waited and waited until his dad turned up and arrested my dad, and then he hugged me again. A week later when I woke up and found my mom dead, he hugged me again. Somehow he was always around to hug me when I needed it and if he wasn't I began to hunt him out. I turned Pacey Witter into my very own teddy bear.'

'I don't believe it,' Dawson laughed, 'no way. You always used to glare at him.'

'So I'd remember not to tell,' Pacey explained with a casual shrug.

'But you two hated each other,' from Jen who knew she no longer hated him at all.

'That night we went to the movies on a double date, when Dawson wanted you and not me. Hug fest,' she said.

'I still don't believe it,' Dawson had bright shiny eyes.

'Believe it D. This girl is a hug addict,' Pacey shrugged. 'She used to break into my house and sneak past my drunk dad,' he shot Joey an affectionate look which turned into a smirk, 'still does.'

'This doesn't surprise me as much as it seems to surprise the rest if you,' Jack was smiling as he bit into his pancakes, 'anyone can see you care about each other.'

'Are you serious?' Dawson's eyes were a little less bright and Joey mustered up some energy to bring it back to lighthearted.

'I turned one Pacey Witter into my very own teddy bear,' she said again because it was a sweet, friendly and vaguely funny image. 'I totally associated him hugging me with the world being ok.'

'Pacey a teddy bear,' Dawson stifled a laugh.

'Oh I can see that,' Jen nodded,

'I know how Pacey hugs and it's very comforting,' Andie added.

'Why didn't you see me for hugs?' Dawson asked Joey apparently a little put out now he finally believed her.

'Pacey just hugged me to start with and I didn't realize how much I needed it. I mean you and I were talkers - Pacey was always a doer,' she tangled a foot with his under the table. 'Hugging you wasn't an option. You gotta remember - neither Pacey nor I were being hugged at that point. At all, not by anyone.'

'So you hugged each other,' Jen mused a little dreamily. 'That's sweet.'

'It was necessary,' Joey shrugged.

'Nah, I still don't believe it,' Dawson teased, clearly going for light hearted. 'You guys are actually friends now and it's hardly hug central.'

'The hugs were a secret,' she shrugged easily. 'We've always just kept them secret,' she attempted. 'We still hug it up _all_ the time.'

'That's pretty funny,' Jen smiled.

'And apparently no longer a secret,' Pacey gave her a look.

'Ok, so that's been a pretty good secret,' Dawson acknowledged.

'I was just agreeing that some things stay the same. I mean not entirely, but things still change. Jen and I are much better friends and that did not start well.'

'True story,' Jen nodded. Pacey looked at Joey and gave her a large secret smile.

* * *

The day was fun, Aunt Gwen even helped a little by reminiscing about how Pacey used to chase her around all the time. Whilst the boys all went off wood gathering and Andie worked on some extra assignment, Jen and Joey chilled together on some deck chairs, Aunt Gwen inside bonding with Dawson.

'I see you're paving the way,' Jen acknowledged.

'Yeah. Thanks for your help. We've kissed, we care and we don't really want to hide it.'

'Ok, be honest with me here a second, because I'm a girl who's been around the block and I know that Pacey is all kinds of hot and sexy. You really only ever used to hug?' she stared at Joey and Joey could feel her face burn. 'Hmm, thought not.'

'It wasn't like that. I mean yeah, for years we did just that and then AJ came on the scene and I don't know what happened.'

'Jealousy. He wanted you and you were going on about another guy. Drove him crazy. I totally called him on the unrequited love thing,' Jen explained and Joey felt warmth spread through her.

'We were arguing, I mean mucking around really. He was making fun of AJ's name, so I made fun of Pacey as a name, then threatened to call him PJ, so he called me Josephine. I always used to attack Dawson and Pacey for that, and he called me on not attacking him, which I wasn't doing because Pace is big and strong and gorgeous these days.'

'But he called you on it?' Jen laughed a knowing look on her face.

'He did and so I attacked, you know throwing myself on him like I was still ten and tickling him and he...got a little excited.'

'I'll bet he did,' Jen laughed.

'He told me to stop wriggling and I was just so embarrassed I lay there on top of him. Because, you know, I hug him when the world's a bit wonky. Then he promised not to call me Josephine again and I couldn't resist one more PJ. He flipped us, and God, when he moved on top of me, just a little he could tell I liked it.'

'And this is Pacey. If he's turning you on and you like it I can't imagine he'd stop.'

'He didn't,' Joey bit her bottom lip, her eyes closing at the memory. 'He really didn't.'

'He made you come,' Jen guessed with an easy laugh.

'Yeah,' Joey nodded. 'And I really liked it. If I conditioned myself to associate hugging him with comfort, he very, very quickly conditioned himself to associate hugging with being turned on and I wasn't so far behind.'

'Enough electricity to fuel a Kiss reunion tour,' Jen mused sagely.

'I had a question about...you know, all that?' Joey shot a look at Jen who looked positively delighted at being sought out for advice.

'Shoot.'

'I've um, you know, touched him and you know...with my mouth,' Joey began and Jen's jaw dropped,

'Joey Potter!'

'What? What? What's wrong with that?' Joey flustered.

'Nothing, nothing at all. I'm proud of you for embracing your sexuality. Just the way Dawson talks about you, you're very innocent.'

'Well I'm less innocent that he thinks,' Joey shrugged.

'So you enjoyed doing that?'

'I thought it would be a little, I don't know gross, but it's really, really sexy.'

'So what's the question?' Jen frowned.

'I wanna do it better, so some tips. Preferably you could just shove a magazine with the relevant tips in it at me because I'm innocent enough that a blunt conversation might make me melt into a puddle of embarrassed ooze.'

'Oh, we're gonna have a blunt conversation about that then for sure,' Jen grinned widely.

'Jen,' Joey protested turning red.

'But come on, there's more I can tell.'

'His um...thing...'

'His penis?'

'Unsexy word,' she scrunched her nose.

'His cock?' Jen asked with a giggle.

'Yes, better. It seems...big.'

'It is,' Jen nodded easily.

'It is?' Joey frowned.

'I'm sorry Jo, but when Pacey and I had our little pact...well I copped a feel. I did and I'm not sorry. I've always had my suspicions about him and I wanted to know. It is big.'

'But not too big?' Joey hedged uncertainly and Jen laughed,

'No, not at all. It will fit, trust me.'

'And it won't hurt?'

'Maybe at first, then it'll feel amazing.'

'Yeah?'

'Yeah.'

'It is rather beautiful.'

'You can't call a thingy beautiful.'

'Well it is.'

'Joey, are you thinking of having sex with Pacey?' Jen shot her a look, eyes narrowed, brow pursed.

'Well no not yet. I mean we haven't been a thing for five minutes. We still have to do the big, totally relaxed reveal. But I think about it. I think about it and I want it.'

'That's not a bad thing.'

'No. The only bad thing is my underwear and lack of birth control,' Joey let slip.

'Ha,' Jen laughed, 'that we can sort.'

'Thank you Jen,' Joey looked at the blond girl with a lot of affection.

'Anytime.'

'No seriously. I don't deserve another chance at being your friend. I've been pretty bad at being a friend but I'll do better.'

'You're about to do much better and listen to me go on about Henry. A lot.'

'Go for it. I'm all ears!'

* * *

Dinner was a loud and rowdy affair, Aunt Gwen getting on with "work" and leaving them to it all. After dinner they all lounged around the living room, Joey rather boldly selecting the seat right next to Pacey, smiling at him as his arm wrapped around her.

'Really?' Dawson asked with a frown and she shrugged.

'It's been a tough day,' she lied with a smirk.

'Who you trying to kid Potter, you just like my arm around you,' Pacey teased, giving her a squeeze and pressing a kiss to her hair.

'I do,' she nodded.

'Now that's just weird,' Dawson did not look best pleased but Joey ignored his quizzical frown.

'Proving that what I said earlier was entirely true,' she smiled.

'Are you sure you don't like Pacey as a little more than a teddy bear?' Jack teased tongue between his teeth.

'Maybe as a little more,' she held her thumb and forefinger slightly apart.

'You wound me Josephine,' he put a hand on his heart.

'And don't you know better than to call her that these days,' Jen stated with a knowing smile.

'Oh I don't mind the odd wrestle session,' Pacey teased, tickling Joey's side.

'I wouldn't start with me PJ,' Joey warned and Pacey shifted his hand, clamping it over her mouth.

'Eww, don't lick me,' Pacey grumbled, taking his hand a way and wiping it on her shirt, his finger tips brushing a little too low.

'You guys are being really...um...weird,' Andie stated awkwardly.

'Yeah, don't get along. The rest of us don't like it,' Jen chided with a big wink.

'I'm sorry. We will endeavour to banter hurtfully thus forward,' Pacey nodded.

'Yeah you do that,' Jack told him with a officious nod.

Of course they didn't. They chatted and mucked around, but there was a flirtatious undertone to everything and Jen wondered how Dawson could be so oblivious. Joey knew how Dawson could be so oblivious. He wanted to believe the flirtation was between he and her, not Pacey and her and for every iota of closeness he witnessed, he tried to squash Pacey out with an intimacy that was just about the two of them. Pacey, to his credit, did not outwardly falter but she could feel his stress, so when everyone claimed fatigue and went to bed she lingered in the living room after she'd been through the bathroom waiting for him.

'Pace,' she took his hand and dragged him back to the couch.

'Ugh,' he managed with a wry chuckle.

'I know, I know,' she pushed him down onto the couch and sat on his lap, her head against his chest. 'We'll tell him tomorrow.'

'Really?'

'I practically did tell him. He just doesn't want to hear it.'

'I liked hearing it,' Pacey pressed a kiss to her neck, worshipping the flesh.

'I like you as more than a teddy bear,' she arched her neck.

'And I love you,' he nipped at the skin rewarded by her soft moan. She took his hand and pushed it up her tank and onto her boob. He squeezed gently, skilled fingers brushing around her nipple.

'Let's go to the barn,' she suggested.

'The barn?'

'Whilst I want to tell everyone, I don't want anyone walking in on us,' she explained and he smiled into her neck.

'That might not be so good,' he agreed.

'Especially not if I've got my mouth on your...cock,' it still didn't flow naturally but at least it flowed, even if the dirty word escaped on the whisper of a breath.

'Joey,' he groaned, his hips lifting.

'Or your fingers inside me. I really want your fingers inside me whilst we kiss,' she wriggled a little.

'So let's go roll in the hay,' he stated decisively standing up and putting her on her feet.

'Yeah, let's,' she said as he took her hand and they quietly made their way out of the house. 'Oh it's cold,' she shivered.

'I'll warm you up. Scouts honour,' he saluted her, walking backwards and dragging her to the open barn.

'As if you were a scout,' she teased, wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing him.

'Was too, for about five minutes.'

'Warm me up Pacey,' she pulled him down on top of her at the nearest hay bale.  
'Hmm,' he agreed kissing her with everything, total enthusiasm and total skill, his thin pyjama pants allowing her to feel far more of him up against her, especially given her own thin pyjamas.

'I could kiss you forever,' she slid her hand up his wife beater, curving her palm up his back, over his shoulder and then down, all the way down until her hand was curving over his bare buttock, 'you have a really, really nice butt,' she crooned before he devoured her mouth again, his hips rocking into hers with great effect.

'I wanna touch you,' he slid off her, his hand sliding down over her bare stomach, bare from where her tank had ridden up, and then sliding down the front of her pyjama pants.

'Pace,' his name came out as a moan, as he slid two fingers straight down and into the waiting wet warmth, he pulled them out and then pushed them in further, then again, and again until she was desperate for friction on her clit, desperate for more. 'More,' she pleaded, 'harder,' she grabbed for his hard cock, rubbing her hand against it, desperate for him to do the same to her and then he rubbed at her clit at the same time as he pushed his fingers into her, harder and faster and at that angle that made the world swim out of focus and she threw back her head, gasping and moaning into the night air, her hand seeking the naked hard heat of him in her hand and rubbing up and over him at the same pace as his fingers plunging in and out of her and his thumb causing every part of her being to be centred around that little nubbin of pleasure. All at once she came, but it didn't feel like her regular orgasm, because his fingers were inside of her, pressing, as his thumb and palm pushed down on her clit, and her whole body felt like it exploded, and that the explosion and it's aftershocks seemed to last forever, so extreme that her hand fell slack. His hand pulled out of her and he kissed her, but then she was breaking the kiss and dropping to her knees in front of him, the submissive position she swore she'd never take suddenly appealing as she pushed his pants off of him and took him in her mouth, doing everything she could to make his orgasm as good as hers and when he came, she swallowed and kissed him repeatedly, before climbing back onto the hay beside him, nestling into his arms.

'How can you make that feel so good?' she asked with lazy kisses to his chest.

'How can you?' he asked with a shrug.

'I listen to the noises you make,' she answered, 'and I follow the loose advice of "pretended it's a lollipop."'

'Well the same,' he shrugged chuckling.

'I can't make it feel like that when I touch myself,' she explained.

'That's hot, thinking of you...doing it to yourself,' he kissed her. 'And I'm experienced Joey, you know that.'

'Tamara and Andie,' she muttered darkly. She hated to think of him with either of them.

'Tamara taught me , I mean I listen to you as well,' he shrugged. 'I'm not sorry she taught me either because it means I can make you feel like that and I love making you feel like that.'

'I hate to think of you with anyone else.'

'That feeling is mutual,' he agreed pulling up his pyjamas and holding her more firmly against himself.

'Dawson and I only kissed.'

'That's not how Dawson described it,' he chuckled.

'Well no I imagine it was heated making out and yeah we made out but no, it was fairly innocent. The way you touch me isn't innocent.'

'Not at all. Nor are my intentions,' he stated honestly and she laughed softly into his chest,

'My intentions are hardly innocent these days.'

'I've corrupted you,' he crooned happily.

'Despite how you and Dawson see it, I'm not some innocent waiting to be corrupted. Just like you, I have a sex drive and fantasies and desires. At the moment they're all centred on you. You didn't corrupt me, you just enabled me to begin exploring it all with the person I want.'

'You have fantasies about me Potter? Wanna share?'

'Some are small and some are more elaborate,' she flushed.

'Such as...' he kissed her and tugged her a little closer.

'You touching me and kissing me at the same time. When you wouldn't kiss me that's all I wanted,' she explained.

'I'll happily fulfill that fantasy again and again,' he smiled gamely. 'Another.'

'Ok...making out half naked,' she pursed her lips, 'you have a very nice body.'

'Again, I'm more than happy to help out with that one, anytime. I mean right now if you want...'

'Pacey, unless you want to advertise to everyone that we've been out here doing this, keep your shirt on.'

'Oh I want everyone to know - fantasy of mine you know.'

'I'm so surprised,' she muttered sarcastically, 'but let's tell Dawson first then walk all over his feelings with our stompy sexed out feet.'

'Sure,' he agreed. 'I wanna hear a big fantasy now,' he dipped his hands down the back of her pyjamas and she sighed a little.

'I fantasize about a pool table,' she admitted and he frowned. 'You bending me over a pool table, pushing down my panties and you know...'

'Fucking you?' he asked with half lowered lids, his hands pulling at her.

'Yeah,' she smiled.

'You fantasize that?'

'When I have to use my hand because you're not around.'

'Oh, you are not innocent at all. You're like some siren here to give me a constant hard on,' he took her hand and put it on him.

'Just those few little fantasies did that?' she frowned.

'I think I could come in about five seconds if you repeated that last little fantasy with your hand on me,' he gave her a look.

'Sure,' she shrugged, 'let's try it,' she slung her leg over his thigh after he'd wriggled out of his pants yet again, her hand moving over him as she described scene by scene her pool hall fantasy.

'That was more like a minute and a half,' she teased.

'You are the hottest girl alive,' Pacey kissed her and then lay back, pulling up his pants again, and then pulling her too him. 'Never did I imagine you would have such dirty little fantasies,' he shook his head, 'I mean that is hotter than hell. I especially appreciate your willingness to share.'

'Well I want you to share too, you know Pacey,' she told him.

'Oh I will, don't worry,' he chuckled. 'I might need recovery time though.'

'Mmm, I'm kinda sleepy.'

'Before you drift off two things,' he kissed her forehead.

'Shoot,' she looked up at him.

'One, we better go inside,' he smiled at her and she laughed.

'Ok. And two?'

'Can I take you out on a date?'

'When were you thinking?' she asked, a warm glow spreading through her.

'Well when we get back. Maybe Tuesday night? Not conventional but no assignments are due, not until Friday and I thought we could go to the roller rink seeing as how it's your new favourite place in town, then maybe out for pizza?'

'Well now that sounds perfect,' she smiled. 'Do I have to work on the boat?'

'You never _have_ to work on the boat but no, this will be a boat free, proper date night.'  
'Well then it's a date.'

'Awesome,' he grinned and peppered her face with kisses. 'Now bed Ms Potter.'

'Yes bed.'

* * *

'This was so Jen,' Joey hissed looking around the room at their sleeping friends, all on mats on the floor and then at the empty double bed.

'I'm so not complaining,' Pacey looked positively delighted.

'We can't snuggle,' she hissed.

'Oh contraire mom cherie. We can snuggle all we like thanks to your little revelation at the diner earlier.'

'Ooh, you're so right,' she smiled as he climbed into the bed and she climbed in beside him resting her head on his chest. 'But you cannot sleep with your hand on my boob like normal.'

'That may be pushing things a little far, I agree,' he nodded with a smile.

'See you in the morning,' she kissed him quickly and turned over, loving how he curled up behind her, his arm around her.

* * *

So Aunt Gwen wanted to steal her and Dawson. Whilst Joey knew it would be fun to hang out with Dawson she couldn't help but wish she were going to the pool hall with Pacey who had pulled her aside for a heated make out session behind the house once that was decided. Especially given what had occurred in the barn the previous night she'd really wanted to go. Pacey had pointed out he'd be walking around trying to hide his hard on most of the morning and she'd smirked at that.

'Should I tell him? I mean we're out together alone.'

'I don't know. I mean I guess if the time is right, though I would rather be there. I feel like that would be better for you, you know? Dawson can get a little nasty when he's blindsided.'

'Such a romantic,' she looked up at him adoringly.

'If I was such a romantic I wouldn't be dreaming up ways to steal you and whisk you to that pool hall so I could enact at least some of that fantasy of yours. I mean really...'

'One day Pace, one day.'

'Fuck,' he crashed his lips to hers, his body grinding up against hers.

'Pacey, Joey, we're outta here,' Jen's yell around the corner.

'Thank god for Jen,' Joey pressed a last kiss to his lips.

'Thank god for Jen.'


	7. Chapter 7

**Hey all, **

**Thanks for the reviews. I really love getting them - I'm a total review junkie I've realised. Unfortunately I'm sick so this isn't quite as I'd like it. There may also be a delay on the next chapter. I'll do my best. Thanks for being great,**

**Tab:-)**

**Chapter 7**

Joey sat up in the barn watching the others muck around with the hose. Pacey was unbelievably hot in his wet tank and she subconsciously licked her lips, her battered baseball shoe kicking at the words engraved in the wood in front of her - _Dawson and Joey._ What was Aunt Gwen's problem, asking why they weren't together. If they weren't together there was obviously a reason and it wasn't Dawson's aunts business to question what they reason was. It had been on the tip of her tongue to just say Pacey. It was hard to think how to be more obvious. Jack was clearly suspicious, Jen knew, and Andie and Dawson were in denial land. She didn't want to be with Dawson - she wanted to be with Pacey. She wasn't in love with Dawson - she was in love with Pacey, so what was with all the adults in her life trying to tell her Dawson was the one? Where did Dawson get off telling her the same thing? And even if she was his soulmate, that didn't make him hers. She didn't have a clue one way or another if he was her soulmate, or whether she even believed in such a notion.

'Hey,' Dawson of course. The only other person not having the water fight he sat down beside her and leant forward to trace the words she'd been kicking. He'd asked her if he seemed different to her and she'd tried to pave the way, said he was different. He no longer had to be the centre of attention, he could let others shine.

'This trip this week has reminded me of what we're good at,' he said seriously looking at her, her eyes still on Pacey.

'What's that?'

'Making sense of each other, making sense of each other's lives.'

'But things change Dawson, they evolve and some things drop away.'

'But they don't have to,' he enthused. 'And you know I don't know why.'

'Why what?'

'Why we're not together?'

'Because things have changed,' she began.

'Get yourselves down here you two,' Jack hollered up at them, interrupting the moment. Joey was relieved. She did want Pacey there when she told Dawson.

* * *

Joey had sat down on the couch in the corner fully expecting Pacey to take the spot next to her. Jack didn't take the spot, Jen didn't take the spot, even Andie didn't take the spot. Dawson of course took the spot and proceeded to reminisce, taking about the picture of the two of them his Aunt had given him, to help him find his "way back." It was so frustrating. The karaoke was fun, sure, and Pacey singing _Wild Thing_ was spectacular, but then Dawson's interfering Aunt yet again called on her and Dawson to sing their very own karaoke number. And she sang it. She did, because what else was she supposed to do, but when Pacey walked out it practically killed her. She made her excuses as soon as the song was over, well aware that Dawson was either suspicious and trying to stake his claim, or just the most entirely oblivious person in the whole world.

'Hey Pace. Are you ok?' she wrapped her arms around him from behind, pressing her lips into his shoulder, her hands smoothing over his toned stomach.

'Not so much.'

'Pace, let's go in now and I'll tell him right this second,' she knew that she would, because seeing Pacey hurting and insecure was awful.

'Really?' he turned in her arms, 'because he may be my friend but right now I could kill the guy.'

'I know, I know, he's pissing round me like he's marking his territory. He may as well be shouting "mine." The thing is Pace - I'm yours. One hundred percent.'

'There's not just a little bit of your heart that's his?' he asked carefully.

'My head worries, but my heart knows exactly who it wants.'

'Well good,' he rested his head against hers.

'Pace, stop doubting this. Stop always doubting yourself. I don't think you have the first clue quite what an amazing person you are. You really shouldn't compare yourself to Dawson. Dawson is a great guy - you're right, but you...You're better.'

'Better?' he raised his head and serious eyes met hers, though there was a hint of a smile.

'Better for me. You were right, remember on Witch Island, you said I was myself with you - well you were right. I'm never really relaxed around him, not like I am with you. Maybe I was once, but that's not been true for a long time. You though - you make me feel alive at the same time as I feel comforted. I mean, how is that even possible?'

'Can I kiss you now?' he was grinning widely.

'Yes,' she smiled and pressed her lips to his. Then Aunt Gwen again, clearing her throat this time,

'Well I guess I don't need to ask why you and Dawson aren't together?'

'No,' she felt chastised.

'Well I think you should tell Dawson.'

'We were about to, like right now,' Joey defended, never one to hold her tongue when being criticized,

'I'm not judging, but imagine he'd been the one to find you.'

'I know,' Joey looked down feeling terrible, but Pacey took her hand.

'Really?' He asked. 'I mean if Dawson found us we'd be like oh, hey man, we were just coming to tell you, we kissed a few days ago, and we're into each other. We're going on our first date next week. It's not a huge secret. We were just figuring things out,' he defended.

'It's ok Pace,' Joey leant her head on his shoulder momentarily.

'I just hear it all the time. From myself even. What will Dawson think when he discovers I'm in love with his friend. The girl he dated for six weeks and yeah he calls her his soulmate but what does that really mean? I mean you can only love someone - not own them.'

'He's right,' Gwen stated surprising Joey. 'You gotta follow your heart. Forget I said anything. He's my nephew and I love him, but you're young and you do not owe him anything other than the truth, which apparently you were on your way to deliver. I'll stay out of the way and let you do things your way.'

'Thanks,' Joey said and took Pacey's hand. 'Let's go in.'

'What are you gonna say?'

'The truth! Just follow my lead.'

'You got it,' he nodded as she dropped his hand and they rejoined the others where Andie was singing some Celine Dion number.

'Everything ok?' Dawson asked watching Joey carefully, especially when Jen shifted so she and Pacey could sit together.

'Yeah. Can Pace and I sing the next song?'

'Sure,' Dawson nodded still staring at them, but then he turned to clap as Andie finished.  
'Who's up next?' Andie asked waggling the microphone.

'Apparently Pacey and Joey,' Dawson gestured and Andie handed Joey the mic. Joey looked at Jen who shot her subtle thumbs up.

'Ok, we're not gonna sing,' Joey stated. 'I just wanted to break the karaoke for a second and tell you guys something.'

'Another secret?' Jack asked knowingly.

'Not a secret exactly, more a realization,' Joey shrugged and looked around, 'it's not a big deal but we're all friends and so I thought I'd share.'

'Well share,' Andie jiggled up and down.

'I want to be clear that I know this may be hard to hear, and I know you may not feel instantly supportive.'

'Well now I have no idea?' Dawson frowned.

'I think you all have a little idea,' Joey smiled gently and tried to appear the opposite of how she was feeling.

'None,' Andie shook her head.

'So I went for this date with AJ last weekend. I think you all know that?'

'Are you guys properly together?' Andie squealed and Joey winced a little,

'Um, no. Actually there was another girl who he really wanted and so I called Pacey to come get me.'

'Go on,' Jen encouraged.

'Well he gave me a hug, half way home, I got upset or whatever so he pulled over and gave me a hug - you know the teddy bear thing. Well one minute we were hugging, then yelling and then we kissed.'

'You what?' Dawson was staring at them with a totally unreadable expression. Her eyes flicked to Andie who seemed to be on the brink of tears.

'We kissed,' she said matter of factly. 'It was a good kiss.'

'It was a great kiss,' Pacey clarified.

'Well yes, it was. Seems once you've kissed someone you like rather a lot, it's hard to stop.'

'So I asked Joey out and we're going out on Tuesday.'

'Is this a joke?' Dawson was staring at them, 'is this some kind of sick joke?'

'It's not a joke man,' Pacey attempted.

'So you're telling me that the two people I trust the most have been lying to me? What is this - are you bored? Confused? Or just malicious?' He glared at her.

'Wow, hey man, now come on, that's not fair. If you're gonna get mad, get mad at me. I started this.'

'That's not true,' Joey spoke up.

'You,' Dawson turned to Pacey venomously, 'you're not in any position to talk to me about what's fair. You were my best friend.'

'I still am.'

'So I guess it's safe to assume that friendship doesn't come above sex in your list of personal priorities,' Dawson seethed.

'This has nothing to do with sex,' Pacey defended and even though sex was involved in a way Joey knew it was the truth. He didn't love her because she was exploring sex stuff. He'd love her regardless.

'Oh, what are you in love? Is that what this is?' Dawson glared at them and Pacey turned and looked at Joey, 'don't look, oh my god, don't look at her, alright. Don't. You know what? I feel sorry for you...' Dawson began but Joey put the microphone to her mouth.

'Stop,' she yelled and it echoed through the room. She dropped the mic. 'Don't feel sorry for him and don't in any way have the audacity to suggest that he somehow hoodwinked me, or I'm somehow incapable of being sure of what I feel. We have told you what happened. This didn't come out of nowhere. We haven't been on a date but we we are apparently attracted as hell to one another and there are feelings. I know it might be hard to believe, I know. But you know what dating you for six weeks when I was fifteen does not mean I can't ever date anyone else.'

'So what - Pacey was the only option? Doesn't that strike you as slightly incestuous? First me, then Jack, then Pacey. Is Jen next?' Dawson glared, his voice bitter.

'Who knows? If I fall in love with her, then maybe,' Joey could be mad too, and was oblivious to the way Pacey was looking at her, a look of utter devotion.

'Come on now,' Dawson huffed glaring at Pacey because he did see the look, and like Pacey he heard the implication - that she loved Pacey.

'I'm not here seeking your permission Dawson. We're telling you all because you're our friends, not because we need your advice, or your opinion or anything,' Joey continued.

'He'll screw it up Joey. He will and then you'll come crying to me and I won't want to hear it. I won't.'

'You know what Dawson, he may screw it up. He might. Just like you screwed it up. And if he does it'll suck, but I imagine he and I will find away to be friends, much like you and I did. But you know what. I might screw it up. I'm not easy you know. I can be bossy and irritable, and opinionated, and I might screw up. I don't even realize I'm screwing up sometimes, which is worse than Pace who does it with gusto,' she shot him an affectionate look, 'I do it bit by bit, gradually destroying things precious to me and so whilst it's not a given there is a chance because no one is perfect. And Dawson you need to respect that fact that I'm not yours, I haven't been for a long time and that as my own person I make my own choices.'

'Well you can't have the both of us,' Dawson glared.

'I'm not choosing Dawson,' she took Pacey's hand. 'Pacey is who I want to be with. You're my friend. I'm not choosing.'

'You have to choose,' he stood up abruptly and Jack jumped into the space beside him a restraining hand on his arm.

'I don't have to choose. It is you making a choice. You can choose to hate me, to hate Pacey. You can punish us for falling for each other. You can cut us out of your life - the two people you trust most in the world and that is your choice to make. But we've come to you. You're still my friend and you're still Pacey's. If you don't want to be our friend that is your choice,' she stated. 'Same goes for all of you. This isn't about hurting anyone, or treading on hearts, because God knows we know that hurts.'

'What Joey's trying to say,' Pacey said softly, 'is that we don't have many people. Not either of us. Not many people that care and when you don't have much you never choose to walk away. So I'm not walking away from my friendship with you Dawson. With you Andie, or with any of you who take issue with this,' he gestured between himself and Joey, 'but I'm not walking away from Joey either because it wasn't wrong for us to be friends, and it wasn't wrong for us to fall for each other and she's right - we don't want to hurt anyone, but we're your friends too.'

'I think you should get out, both of you should get out,' Dawson glared at them, the words firing like bullets.

'And where are we supposed to go?' Joey asked with a furrowed brow.

'I don't know and right now I don't care,' he stared at them. 'So go.'

'Come on Pace,' Joey took his hand and glared at Dawson. She was relieved at the way Jen caught her hand as they passed by, the way Jack put a hand on Pacey's shoulder.

* * *

Joey couldn't stop pacing because the whole thing was ridiculous.

'You wanna sit?' Pacey asked from the hay bales.

'No. I'm angry and when I'm angry, I do angry stomping.'

'I'm angry too.'

'You know what gets me?' she put her hands on her hips and stared at him.

'You mean the most?'

'Yeah. It's the fact that it's none of anyone's business. I know things were weird and we didn't tell anyone. I know we crossed a line, but why do we have to tell everything to everyone when we didn't even know what it was we were telling? We kissed last weekend. Last weekend we declared ourselves and...'

'It's not about how we handled this Jo. We could have told him the day I first touched you, the day we first kissed, but he'd still react the same way. And if we'd waited till a week from now, the same. Let him process it and he'll calm down.'

'Whilst we freeze,' she grumbled.

'We have allies. We won't freeze.'

'Yeah?'

'Andie was upset but she'll be reasonable. Jen and Jack are way on board. Dawson will come around.'

'Can I have a hug? The old fashioned kind?' she looked at him and he chuckled,

'Of course. I love the old fashioned kind,' he opened his arms and she sat on his knee, resting her head on his shoulder, feeling the relief of his arms around her. 'Thank you by the way.'

'What for?' she asked, the words soft.

'For saying all that you said. It was...well it was perfect,' he gave her a soft kiss.

'Joey, Pacey...you guys in here?' Jen's voice.

'Up high,' Pacey called down.

'Decent?' Jack's voice.

'Entirely,' Joey couldn't help but smile.

'Coming up,' Jen called and appeared at the top of the ladder with a sleeping bag and a pillow, Jack carrying the same.

'He and Andie are in a hurt feeling frenzy, so I think you may be out here for the night,' Jen offered up apologetically.

'I'd like to say I thought you presented very well,' Jack gave them an encouraging smile.

'You did. What you said is absolutely right and they'll cool down, be embarrassed and apologize,' Jen concurred.

'So you think he'll forgive us? I know Andie is reasonable but Dawson, he can sometimes veer off.'

'I think so,' Jen squeezed her shoulder. 'Anyway, we're here to hang for a while.'

'Good,' Joey nodded.

'Now Joey...you've got your bad girl on today, what with the sexual exploration and the calling people on their crap...you game to get a little drunk?' Jen held up a bottle of wine.

'Jen! Did you swipe that from Dawsons aunt?'

'No,' Jen laughed, 'we picked it up in town. Don't ask, we have ways.'

'Is that a good idea?' Joey hesitated.

'Four of us, one bottle of wine - we'd be lucky to get a buzz. We will however get a laugh out of it.'

'I'm not playing spin the bottle.'

'Well no, that would be awkward,' Jen pointed out.

'Yeah seriously Potter - you and I only wanna kiss each other, probably only I could do it for Jackers, though I probably don't. Jen and I have zilch, you and Jack the same...'

'We had a spark once,' Joey defended.

'A fleeting...dim little spark...' Jack filled in theatrically as Joey thwacked him in the stomach.

'Ok, ok, I didn't want to play spin the bottle anyway. Let's chat and drink and I'm pretty sure Jen will talk us into truth or dare in less than half an hour.'

'That I will,' Jen nodded and pulled four plastic cups from inside her coat.

* * *

'I'm cold,' Joey complained from where she was huddled in her sleeping bag in the hay loft.

'Me too,' Pacey grumbled. 'Ok, I'm gonna be brave. We should have done it to start with. I'm going to connect my bag to yours and then we have body heat.'

'Ok. Go, go,' she urged and then laughed as he made all sorts of elaborate "it's cold" noises as he unzipped his sleeping back and then hers and zipped them together before tumbling back in beside her, wrapping his cold hands under her tank, and his feet around hers.

'Pacey,' she squealed in protest trying to worm away but there was nowhere to go, which was kind of the point. For a few minutes they shivered together,

'Apparently, this would work best if we were naked,' he teased.

'Really?' she asked with a small frown.

'Well yeah really, though I was just trying to get you naked,' he shrugged, but she was already shimmying out of her pyjama pants and peeling off her tank. 'Joey,' he groaned her name, his hands flying across her skin and pulling her against him.

'I'm keeping my underwear on,' she told him primly, her tone at odds with her butt pushing against his hard cock.

'You don't normally wear underwear with your pyjamas,' she loved how disappointed her sounded.

'I do when I'm in a house full of my friends.'

'Fair enough. Can I take my pyjamas off?' he asked in a needy voice that sent her pulse rate rocketing,

'Are you wearing boxers?'

'Um...no?' it sounded like a question and she laughed,

'Top off, pj pants on,' she said and he didn't hesitate to strip off his tank and then maneuver them around in the small space until he was lying above her, the bare skin of his chest floating tantalizingly across hers.

'Joey,' he rocked into her, and with so little in he way she gasped because she could feel the pressure of his hard on at the opening between her legs, not on her clit like it normally was. 'This comfortable to sleep in?' he asked softly, nudging at her bra with his nose, pressing warm kisses to her skin.

'Not really,' she agreed.

'I could help you out of it, if you want?' he suggested causally, looking at her in the moonlit darkness.

'You manage to undo the clasp and I'll take it off,' she suggested and his hand crept between her back and the sleeping bag and then with one pinch of his thumb and forefinger her bra fell open.

'Wow - that was impressive,' she smiled.

'I learnt that trick from practicing on my sisters bra's. Makes it slightly less impressive, right?' he chuckled bashfully and then lowered himself to kiss her, allowing his naked chest to press against hers.

'Oh, that's nice,' she moaned, and pulled his head roughly to hers, kissing him wildly loving the feel of his warm, soft skin against hers. 'You have muscles,' she stated, her hands ghosting over said muscles.

'They've been there a while,' he chuckled.

'But now they're pressed against me. Can you always be topless?' she mooned.

'If you'll always be topless,' he agreed and rocked against her, again the sensation of him at her entrance was new and quite divine. She was surprised at how much it made her want to push off his pyjama pants and strip off her panties. 'I wanna be inside you,' he groaned pushing against her again. Joey would have thought words like that would stress her out but she knew he wasn't asking, just telling her how much she turned him on, and that was a turn on for her. 'Do you trust me?' he asked softly between kissing her neck.

'Yes, but why?'

'If you trust me, you don't need to ask why,' he teased as he let his weight fall on her gently, and without clothes between their chests, it felt amazing, both of them sighing.

'I trust you,' she said and he kissed her deeply, his tongue in exploring her mouth. Then he was sliding off to one side before moving his lips down her body. As he kissed and licked, and sucked his way from one breast to the next, she lost all notion of trusting him, or wondering what she was trusting him with, merely encouraging him with hands in his hair and soft noises. Almost before she realized where he was headed and what his intention was he was there, right at the bottom of the sleeping bag and pressing a hot kiss right on her centre through her panties.

'Pacey,' she half protested and half applauded.

'You trust me,' he reminded her and using his fingers gently tugged at her panties. 'I won't if you don't want me to, but I really, really want to.'

'I trust you,' she managed to say her breathing heavy and her body tense.

'Good,' he peeled her panties all the way down her legs and pulled them off before he began the slow, tantalizing process of kissing his way back up. Then all at once he was between her legs, his tongue doing magical things that drove all anxious tension from her body and replaced it with a totally different type of tension, the type that had her moaning loudly, her hands tugging at his hair and her legs alternately dropping opening and then clamping around his head. When he moved his mouth to her clit and pushed two fingers inside of her she threw back her head and begged him not to stop and he didn't, not until she'd toppled head first into her orgasm, her whole body trembling, his fingers still inside her, moving as she convulsed around them.

'Stop,' she begged, tugging at his hair, then his shoulders until he was lying on top of her and she was kissing him and then kissing him again.

'That was ok?' he looked worried, 'I mean it _was_ ok, right? But then you said stop and...'

'I thought I was going to pass out, that's why I said stop. I've never felt so, God...in my life, never. I was dizzy...I think you broke me,' she pressed lazy, sloppy kisses to his face and neck.

'So it was ok,' he grinned widely.

'Not ok,' she shook her head, 'miles and miles apart from ok. Mind blowing,' she cooed still half drunk on the feelings.

'Do you know what's mind blowing for me?' he asked and she shook her head, 'I have you, Joey potter, arch nemesis of my youth sleeping naked in a sleeping bag with me. That's fucking awesome.'

'Serves Dawson right for kicking us out. I won't put my panties back on for that reason alone.'

'My hands will wonder,' he warned. 'I mean even when I'm asleep.'

'So long as it's just your hands...or your mouth, that's fine.'

'I promise to keep my pants on,' he saluted as she curled up into him.

'I feel bad,' she mused sleepily.

'Whys that?'

'You're hard as hell and I'm so sleepy after that little "do you trust me" stunt that I just can't do anything for you.'

'Use your hand and tell me another fantasy, after doing what I just did, thirty seconds tops,' he gave her puppy dog eyes. Eyes she couldn't resist.

'Sure,' she shrugged. 'Hmmm...ok so you're a chef...'


	8. Chapter 8

**Hi,**

**I didn't get much feedback to the last chapter so I hope people liked it. Please do let me know what you think - good or bad. It does help. My productivity comes to a bit of a screeching halt when I'm not sure people are enjoying the story lol. **

**Thanks, Tab :-)**

**p.s. This chapter has been cut in half because it was way too long. The rest of it will be posted soon. When I'm happy with it. **

**Chapter 8**

'This is ridiculous,' Joey moaned into the kiss as Pacey pressed between her legs.

'What is?'

'That we're still hiding out in boat houses to make out,' she wrapped her legs around him drawing him closer.

'Doesn't matter how cross Dawson is, we'd have always hidden making out. You're not a PDA girl. Me? I'll kiss and grope ya every chance I get,' he gave her a grin and to make a point slid his hand up to her chest.

'Will he ever forgive us Pace?' she asked but arched her neck to allow him more room when kissing down it, but he stopped and looked at her,

'I know how important Dawson is to you Jo. I do. I'll do everything in my power to fix this for you, even if it means I never fix it with him.'

'You'd do that?'

'Apparently I would do pretty much anything for you,' he rocked deliberately into her causing a delightful friction,

'Hmmm, like cook me another meal?'

'Is that your way of asking me for another date and expecting me to prepare it?'

'Something like that,' she smirked, 'but seriously Pace, you're amazing with food which is weird, but great. I know we have to finish off the watergate assignment and figured we could invite everyone over as the b&amp;b is empty with Bess away? You could cook, we could finish up, make amends a little, then when they go we'll make sure all the info sticks...you know.'

'I do know,' his hand swooped over her top and squeezed gently. 'We could just forget the others, forget the food, forget Watergate and kiss and then kiss some more...'

'Ha, yeah, no,' she giggled.

'Fickle mistress,' he pouted.

'Anyway we first we need to smash this on True Love,' she held up the bottle of champagne and he grinned widely.

'Yes we do,' he nodded kissing her yet again. She broke the kiss,

'So I can't diss the boat, I can't even call it "the boat" but I do get to hit her in the face with a glass bottle?' she smirked at his expression.

'Well yeah. Not too hard mind,' he pressed his lips back to hers, rubbing up against her.

'Stop or we'll never leave this place and Jen and Jack will be forced to hunt for us and that could just get embarrassing,' she wrinkled her nose and Pacey laughed pressing another kiss to her lips and then one to her nose.

'Come on then gorgeous,' he grabbed her hand and the bottle of champagne and they headed for the dock where his boat was bobbing in the water, his small mentoree Buzz sat on board, with Jack, Jen, his big brother and even Andie stood on the dock waiting.

'See, they all came,' she whispered in his ear and he smiled, a smiled that fell slightly,

'All except Dawson,' he shrugged.

'He can't ostracize us forever. Now forget Dawson and let's christen this boat.'

'True love,' he looked down at her, a special soft sort of look.

'True love,' she concurred.

'You guys are late,' Doug stated tapping his watch.

'They were kissing,' Buzz from the deck.

'Pipe down,' Pacey frowned at the little boy but gave him an obvious wink.

'Well you were,' Buzz giggled.

'We were discussing deep and intellectual things...like our Watergate assignment,' Joey coughed slightly, swiping her hair behind her ear.

'There ain't a one of us who believes that,' Jen put an affectionate hand on Joey's shoulder. 'Just so you know.'

'Well we were saying that we can all finish our assignments at the B&amp;B. Hang out a bit, you know. Pace said he'd cook.'

'That way we can share books,' It came from Andie, surprising both Joey and Pacey. 'That is if I'm...um...invited.'

'Of course you are. I'm going to call Dawson, but if any of you see him, please tell him,' Joey encouraged.

'Enough high school study organization. Some of us have jobs to get to,' Doug looked to Pacey who handed the champagne to Joey,

'I want my girl to christen my girl,' he said easily and Joey flushed.

'Well ok...I'm not great at speeches,' she looked around at the assembled friend. 'Lots of hard work went into turning this hurricane wreck into a thing of beauty. Buzz and I can personally attest to the amount of work. But she is a thing of beauty and a testament to what hard work can achieve, and how sometimes through hard work things can be created and things can be restored,' she thought of both Pacey and Dawson in that moment. 'So I give you True Love,' she looked at Pacey who nodded and with a slight wince she smashed the bottle on the boat, relieved when everyone cheered.

After a few minutes chatting they all dispersed, Pacey kissing her goodbye to head to the store with Buzz, Andie heading to the library for more books, and Doug to work. Joey and Jen fell into step beside one another.

'So Andie doesn't seem to hate us?' Joey mused and Jen nodded,

'I think it's still a little raw but this guy from her math class asked her out and I think she's keen to see how that goes.'

'Thank god for guys from math class. How are you anyway Jen?' Joey slipped her arm though Jen's.

'I'm good actually, really happy.'

'That makes two of us. Makes me kind of nervous. Happiness in our little clan doesn't seem to last long.'

'No,' Jen frowned, 'but times are changing. You've surprised me for one.'

'Because I'm no longer a total bitch to you?' Joey smiled and Jen laughed,

'Well there is that, but there is also the way you're dealing with the whole Pacey, Dawson dynamic. I would have totally had you panicking at the situation, ridden with guilt over wanting Pacey but feeling bad for Dawson. When Dawson told you you had to choose, I figured you'd freak out.'

'You thought I'd choose Dawson's friendship,' Joey replied.

'I did. I think he did too, because we all know you have needed him and it's a special sort of bond. I was very impressed that you decided not to choose at all. I thought that was very smart.'

'It's true that it eats me up inside to have Dawson hating me, to have him hurting. He's been a good friend to me, and yeah, it is a special bond, but I think Pacey and I have our own history and I can't say ones more important than the other. You know when Dawson and I were in the throws of confusion and even when we were dating, Pacey was there for me, encouraging me to be happy. When things were confusing between Pacey and I, when AJ was on the scene, when he knew I was kissing AJ, he was there encouraging me to be happy. Pacey wants me to be happy...I think more than anything else, so whilst it hurts me inside to know how Dawson feels about me at the moment - I can't turn my back on either of them.'

'You're totally in love with him,' Jen looked surprised and Joey's mouth gaped, 'I mean I knew how he felt and I knew you were into him big time but you're one hundred percent in love.'

'Well I know that,' Joey rolled her eyes because she did know that. 'I mean, Pacey...he doesn't know exactly that. I mean he does. Dawson, he doesn't know I'm in love with Pacey.'

'He knows. Why else do you think he's so hurt?' Jen shrugged.

'Love is such a nice emotion - how come it causes so much hurt.'

'Love is a strong emotion - that's how.'

'I can't imagine a life without either of them. I never could. I'm entwined with them both.'

'In all honesty Jo, you shouldn't have to. You have every right to be with Pacey. To be in love with Pacey, and if Dawson is the friend he proclaims to be, then he won't punish you forever.'

'Thanks Jen,' Joey squeezed her friends arm, then looked around, 'um where are we going?'

'Saucy little underwear shop I know. Henry dreams of seeing me in lingerie.'

'And you're into making his dreams come true?' Joey smiled.

'I'm into being ready should I choose to make his dreams come true.'

'So you haven't...you know?'

'No,' Jen smiled and blushed at the same time, 'I'm trying to do things right.'

'It's harder than I thought,' Joey sighed.

'To resist them?' Jen clarified and Joey nodded. 'Well you and Pacey were physical before you were emotional, and I mean the hugging thing.' Joey was about to protest but Jen shushed her,' however, I think you'd have only accepted that kind of comfort from him if you trusted him and where there's trust, well I think it _is_ harder to resist. You and Dawson were emotional all the way and maybe if you and Pacey had been the same you'd be more torn, but this new stuff with Pacey is an extension of the old stuff, just deeper emotions and well...a lot more physical.'

'So you think our hugging paved the way for a more rational response to this all? That if we hadn't sought each other out for comfort I might have wavered between the two of them?'

'Yeah, because the truth is the three of you have been friends for a long time. Both those boys have always looked out for you, and yet Dawson has always "owned you." You were his best friend, his soul mate, his "the one." I'm not so surprised that you're Pacey's too, and I think the hugging just allowed you to see his place in your life along the same lines as Dawson's.'

'You are a wise, wise girl,' Joey chuckled.

'It might all be rubbish, I mean who can know how this would have all gone down if you and Pacey hadn't spent years hugging for comfort?'

'But you still think Pacey and I would have happened?'

'Yeah,' Jen nodded and laughed like _that_ was a stupid question. 'That boy loves you...I don't know, like he's never, ever gonna stop. And it's unselfish, just like you said. Your happiness is enough for him.'

'He's rather amazing,' Joey admitted shyly.

'Hmmm,' Jen laughed. 'Come on then,' she tugged her friend into the underwear shop and Joey looked around momentarily overwhelmed.

'Oh my god, how do I even know where to start?'

'First set of sexy lingerie, you go black, lacy, good supportive bra, not necessarily push up, but supportive and a black lacy thong.'

'Not wearing a thong,' Joey shook her head. 'And does this really matter? I mean Pacey's seen me in my unspectacular cotton panties and bra. He's seen me in nothing at all. Is this necessary?'

'When Pacey see's you in this bra,' Jen pointed to a lacy black bra, 'and these panties,' lacy boy shorts, 'you will never, ever ask such a foolish question again.'

'Ok,' Joey mouthed and selected her size in each to try on. Jen laughed and did the same.

* * *

'When you said study party, I didn't think you really meant a study party,' Jack complained after an hour of work.

'Suck it up big guy, this lady means business when it comes to school work,' Pacey gestured at Joey, and then continued to tap away on Jack's computer, thankful his wealthier buddies had the kind of technology he could only dream of.

'Well you need to hurry your ass up so I can type my now finished assignment,' Jack nudged.

'And we're getting hungry,' Joey wrapped an arm around his shoulders and rested her chin on his shoulder, reading his work. 'This is good Pace,' she kissed his cheek.

'I have a tough task master,' he turned so her next kiss landed on his lips.

'Yeah, yeah,' she pressed a last kiss to his lips and stood. 'So no Dawson,' she frowned.

'Hey, even I tried,' Andie shrugged.

'Me too,' Jen said, 'I ran into him after I left you.'

'I left a message,' Pacey put in and she sent him a soft smile.

'I'll call him one last time and well then I guess it is his choice,' she grabbed the phone and punched his number looking across the room at Pacey who had paused his typing and was looking at her. She tapped her foot and bobbed as it rang and rang until at last,

'Hello?' Dawson sounding down,

'Dawson it's Joey. Where are you?' she shrugged at Pacey's smile.

'I don't want to talk to you. I'm not ready,' he sighed.

'Well we're all hanging out at the B&amp;B. We're just finishing off our assignments so why don't you come over for the fun bit. Pacey's making lasagne.'

'I'm not ready to die,' Dawson muttered darkly and Joey laughed,

'You won't die, trust me. He's actually a great cook.'

'I find that hard to believe,' Dawson said.

'Well it'll be your loss. We're all here, we want you here, the food will be great...' she shrugged again at Pacey's encouraging nod.

'You and Pacey will be together?'

'Um yeah?' she was surprised at the question because she couldn't honestly think what else he'd expect.

'Touching and kissing?'

'I'm not exactly huge on the PDA but yeah we'll probably touch and kiss,' she pursed her lips especially when Jen snickered.

'It's disgusting,' Andie cat called and Joey laughed,

'Andie claims it's disgusting and disgusting is nothing to worry over surely,' she attempted.

'I'm pretty sure disgusting is something that will hurt me a lot,' Dawson said and her heart twinged with guilt.

'It's not our intent to hurt you Dawson. You're our best friend. It's not our intent to ostracize you either. We can't pretend we're not together, that doesn't make things better for any of us. But we can be honest and try and find a way to move forward.'

'Maybe I'm not ready to move forward,' he told her carefully.

'I think you should come over and I think you should see how it goes. We won't rub it your face.'

'But you won't hide it either?'

'No we won't hide it,' she sighed. 'Please Dawson, I miss you. We all miss you.'

'I know everyone thinks I'm being over the top and self centred, but when your heart is literally ripped from your chest...'

'I know. I get it I do. But we have to start somewhere.'

'Or we could just wait...until this infatuation or whatever it is blows over?' he sounded like he was testing her and she sighed again.

'Pacey and I aren't just going to blow over. Not any time soon,' she looked at Pacey who was staring at her with wide eyes.

'I'll think about it,' he said at last.

'Thanks,' she nodded even though he couldn't see her. 'Bye.'

She hung up the phone and moved back across the room, sliding herself onto Pacey's lap.

'Sorry, you're not done are you?' she didn't move though, just rested her head on his shoulder.

'Actually I just clicked save,' he pushed the laptop towards Jack and wrapped his arms tight around her. 'You were very nice.'

'Half of me wants to shake him and the other half feels exceedingly guilty.'

'You can't feel guilty for falling for another guy,' Jen said.

'Even if it's his best friend,' from Jack.

'You and he weren't together. Pacey and I weren't together. It might hurt but you've done nothing wrong,' from Andie of all people.

'Thanks guys,' Joey murmured and then smiled brightly. 'If you've finished, should we start dinner?'

'We?' Pacey frowned, 'na uh missy, you and cooking are so not a mix. If we want to kill everyone, you cook,' he gave her a sweet smile. 'You my little wench, need to do what you do best.'

'Serve?' she pouted.

'Serve and before that Jo,' he kissed her nose.

'What?'

'You need to finish your assignment you slacker,' he kissed her, a long deep ardent kiss and then stood up and put her on her feet. 'Come on Potter, don't want the GPA suffering.'

'No, she'd have a panic attack if that happened,' Jen smirked.

'Says you,' Joey snarked back and Jen laughed,

'Hey me, I'm happy if I get into college. Slightly above mediocre does me fine. Now Andie? Total meltdown. She's like you.'

'It's true Joey,' Andie raised her eyebrows and then focussed back on her book.

'Fine,' Joey childishly stuck out her tongue but sat in the chair Pacey vacated and pulled her work back towards her.

* * *

'Time to perform wench duties,' Pacey teased as he pulled plates from the cupboard.

'Call me crazy but it may be time to stop calling me a wench,' Joey suggested as she joined him in the kitchen, the others clearing books, papers and computers from the table.

'That so?' he quirked an eyebrow at her and then after a second added, 'wench?'

'You just had to go there didn't you Witter?' she shook her head from side to side with gravitas.

'I can't help it when you're so, very, very wench like,' he pulled her hips towards his and smoothed his hands across her butt, his lips pressing down into the curve of her neck, his hot breath in that spot a complete aphrodisiac to her. She tugged at his head until she could claim his lips because these days she _always_ wanted to kiss him. She shoved her tongue in his mouth, tangling it with his, rewarded by his deep rumbling groan and hands that wondered to the gap between her jeans and top, playing with the skin there before creeping down the back of her jeans and panties, shifting her against himself.

'Pace,' she moaned softly and kissed him without inhibitions, forgetting their friends a few feet away. The tapping on the back door broke the moment and she knew it was Dawson without looking, probably staring at the two of them entwined against the kitchen counter. She honestly didn't know what to do because she was so used to not thinking how to behave with Pacey, now thinking about her every move created a disconnect.

'Um...yeah,' she turned around in his arms, aware of how obviously turned on he was, 'well come in Dawson, dinner is ready,' she encouraged as if her wild make out session with Pacey were just an everyday occurrence - which it was, just not for Dawson.

'I told you it was disgusting,' Andie said with a shrug.

'And smell the lasagne,' Jack encouraged. 'Apparently Pacey's pretty good in the kitchen,' Jack then snickered realizing he could be referring to Joey's opinion of Pacey's _skills_ Dawson had just witnessed, or his cooking.

'Apparently,' Dawson muttered darkly, taking it the former way.

'The food tastes good too,' Jen quipped and Joey who was still stunned into silence didn't really know what to say, was just thankful for her friends.

'Hey man, glad you could make it,' Pacey said moving out from behind Joey and fixing Dawson with a wide smile.

'Well I came for her not you,' Dawson glared at them all and then sat down.

'Come on now Dawson,' Jen said softly. 'He's not done anything wrong.'

'I'm not going to talk about it because I'll say something you don't want to hear,' Dawson told her tightly, 'but that is not true.'

'Ok, let's serve up,' Joey turned and she moved herself awkwardly out of Pacey's vicinity, unsure how to be near him and not touch him. Pacey narrowed his eyes at her and she gave him a frustrated shrug. It wasn't like she could be all over him if Dawson was sat right there glaring, after all she did want to fix things. Pacey sighed and served up, Joey taking the plates, ensuring they didn't touch as she did so, putting each one in front of a friend before taking her seat. As Pacey sat down beside her she could feel the irritation emanating off of him.

'So you finished Watergate?' Jen asked Dawson who nodded his face storm cloudy as he pushed the food around on his plate.

'Man this is sooo good,' Jack mumbled with his mouth full, 'this is your calling Pace.'

'Your personal chef?' Pacey teased.

'Nah, restaurant...food...'

'Yeah, my dad would love that,' he rolled his eyes.

'Your dad doesn't think you'd be able to cook because he has to eat your moms food,' Joey said without thinking then clamped a hand over her mouth, 'I'm sorry...no disrespect to your moms cooking.'

'It's ok...ish,' Pacey defended half heartedly, 'I mean...no...but no worse than yours my little wench,' he grinned at her, the smile falling from his face at the sharp kick he received under the table. 'He knows we're together,' he mouthed at her.

'I know,' she mouthed back, hard pressed to explain how uncomfortable it made her to be normal under such scrutiny. Dinner continued in a similar vein, conversation would spark up, Dawson would shut it down and Pacey, he would try and be normal whilst Joey couldn't help but feel like it was all wrong. The whole situation was one big, sticky mess. It was hard to imagine her life with Dawson so angry at her he could barely look at her. A life with Dawson so angry at Pacey, his constant sidekick. Hadn't she lost enough people in her life? And Pacey, he didn't have enough people to begin with. She didn't find it easy to trust people, to allow people to get to know her because she was always scared. What she'd said to Pacey when he collected her from Boston, right before they kissed about only Dawson and Pacey knowing her - it had been true, was true. Now Dawson, he didn't want to know her, not if Pacey knew her far more closely than Dawson wanted. With a sigh she longed it sink into Pacey's arms, but more as her twelve year old self had, than as she currently did.

'Are you ok?' Pacey asked softly, the conversation at the other end of the table taking Dawson's attention for a moment, removing his glare from them.

'I'm sad. Sad that I can't be normal with you without hurting him. Sad that I hurt you in my attempts to not hurt him,' she shrugged and he found her hand under the table. Even that, his fingers threading through hers eased the ache in her heart.

'I get it,' he said simply and squeezed.

* * *

Joey was stood at her wall contemplating it, waiting for inspiration to strike. Hoping that inspiration would strike. It was funny and a little weird to spend so much time staring at a wall, but she found it an oddly relaxing place. It was a time and a space for her to clear her head of all the clutter, to imagine different things dancing across that wide expanse. More often than not staring at the wall would bring thoughts of Pacey to mind and those made her glow these days, deep inside, both in her heart and elsewhere far more base. She was thinking about Pacey, about the way he hadn't tried to push anything after the disastrous meal with Dawson, merely held her tight. Ok, so his hand wondered a little but she'd have been disappointed if it hadn't. They'd kissed. She'd kissed him in fact because his kisses were becoming as synonymous with comfort as his hugs. Of course both his hugs and kisses were synonymous with _a lot_ more than just comfort these days. Her thoughts meant Dawson had to clear his throat before she realized she was no longer alone,

'You know if you came here to discuss me and Pacey then you're wasting your breath because...' she'd been about to admit to Dawson that she loved Pacey but he cut her off,

'Pacey's the last person I want to talk about Joey, trust me. I came here to talk about us. I..I want you in my life,' he admitted but she couldn't help but think about what he wasn't saying,

'And Pacey?' she asked with arched brows.

'That damage has been done. I came to salvage the one relationship that means more than any other and that's ours.'

'How?' she couldn't work out how he thought that would be possible.

'We rebuild,' he said with enthusiasm, typical Dawson enthusiasm. Catchy but blind.

'Let's...take a walk. Have a picnic. Watch a movie.'

'After everything that's happened, how could I possible climb that ladder into your bedroom and watch a movie?'

'I'm not asking you to disregard what's happened Joey. I'm just saying let's move forward from here,' he spoke convincingly, but it was like he'd willed Pacey out of the picture and Pacey wasn't out of the picture.

'You know what Dawson? All I want to do right now is...is paint my wall,' she knew it was a snub. It was the truth but it was a rejection at this time of his offer and she feared the offer to rebuild may not come again.

'All right,' he sighed, 'well it's a freestanding invitation. Any time. You know where I live.' He stared at her but she looked at the wall.

'Dawson,' she said before he could walk away, turning her head to look at him.

'Yes?' he looked wildly optimistic.

'I do miss you. So does Pacey. I'm sorry my falling for him hurt you. I am. But I'm not sorry I fell for him.'

'I should have been the one,' Dawson said, his hurt and his anger bubbling over his calm veneer.

'The one?' she frowned.

'The one to hold you. All those times. If it had been me, then you and I would be together now.'

'You can't know that,' she said.

'Yes because kissing and everything else comes from that place of physical intimacy. It would have been me. We had the friendship. You and Pacey never liked each other.'

'The truth is Dawson we did like each other. Not like you and I but Pacey and I have been friends just as long. And had we acknowledged it, I probably couldn't have done it. It was just the way Pacey and I showed we cared. It was our thing.'

'I thought we had a thing,' Dawson stated.

'We did, we do.'

'But it's not the same.'

'I guess not,' she shrugged and turned back to her wall. 'But I miss you.'

'I don't know how to be your friend when you're with him,' Dawson attempted.

'Then were we really the friends we thought we were?' she asked feeling sad, deeply sad.

'I thought we were more than friends,' he admitted and she sighed yet again,

'That's the thing, the friends bit has to be separate, to a degree at least, from the more but because the more bit ebbs and flows, comes and goes. I feel more for Pacey but under it all we're friends. Pacey and I break up and neither of us are screwed because we're still friends. It'd take a while but we'd still be friends. You and I? Well we weren't friends not for a long time after. Stop making friendship and more the same thing. You can have one without the other and you can have one with the other. I don't feel like either Pacey or I deserve to be punished if we were truly your friends.'

'Ok. I hear you,' Dawson said it and she could sense he'd gone. She was surprised when she felt a body drop to the ground beside her less than a minute later, a strong arm wrapping around her shoulders drawing her close. She inhaled deeply, her eyes falling shut,

'How do you always seem to be exactly where I need you to be?' she asked.

'I was heading down to say hi, saw you and Dawson having a heart to heart. I didn't want to interfere, but you looked kinda distraught so I figured...' he left the rest unsaid.

'You figured right,' she sighed and turned to kiss him, wrapping her arms around his neck and holding his mouth to hers, loving how quickly a simple kiss could make her forget, could deepen and become something more than just a simple kiss.

'If you wanna keep kissing me like this we should head to the boat. Well anywhere except right in the middle of town,' he pressed his forehead to hers and she laughed.

'Boat then. That way you can check you're all ready for the race tomorrow and then come back to mine and do the math we were given today, because I know you won't be doing it tomorrow,' she gave him a look.

'That's right, tomorrow I'll be celebrating my victory,' he teased and she laughed.

'And how exactly are you planning to celebrate?' she arched her brows.

'Below deck with my naked girlfriend,' he said boldly and she blushed wildly.

'You've never called me that before,' she looked at her hands.

'Well Jo you're not usually naked. Only the one time I convinced you out of your clothes for body heat,' he smiled widely.

'I meant girlfriend dumbass.'

'Well you are my girlfriend right? Otherwise I have a whole load of inappropriate emotions towards you, thoughts about you and if you're interacting with me like you are with your other friends then we may have a big problem. Except Jen. Maybe I could get on board with you and Jen smooching a little though I think I'd have a problem with even Jen touching you the way I touch you, or even you touching her the way you touch me but...'

'Shut up Pacey,' she thwacked him lightly around his head. 'I'm not smooching with Jen or anyone else, only you.'

'And the emotions?' he asked, perhaps a touch of anxiety in his words.

'All for you,' she told him.

'So my below deck boat fantasy?' he asked with a quirky little smile that made her heart swell.

'I think I can do better than naked,' she said easily and loved his slightly confused but desire filled expression.

'I'm sorry Jo, but when you look like you look, what could possible be better than naked?'

'Well win tomorrow and find out,' she told him and he grinned.

'And tonight's little make out session?'

'Let's see where the mood takes us...' she told him.

'Ahh, one of my favourite types,' he stood up and pulled her to her feet by his hand, then wrapped an arm around her shoulders as they headed to the dock.

'You know technically we should do the math assignment first, you know so we can then "make it stick,"' she told him.

'Ahh, but this way we get to make out twice,' he told her and she couldn't help but laugh.  
'You like to make out a lot,' she nudged his hip with hers.

'Says the make out instigator of the century...I mean all those hugs and wondering hands. You tickled me first sweetheart.'

'For the second time tonight Pace, shut up,' she pressed her lips to his.


	9. Chapter 9

**Hi All,**

**Thanks for the reviews - all the regulars - you keep this story flowing! I really, really appreciate it. **

**Here is chapter 8 part 2, AKA chapter 9!**

**Thanks, Tab:-)**

**Chapter Nine**

'I'm not doing it,' Joey stated as she and her sister set up the sign up booth.

'You have to, it's good PR,' Bessie rolled her eyes.

'It's humiliating,' Joey protested.

'If you don't cook and serve pancakes at the race registration table, how are people gonna remember it's being sponsored by the Potter B&amp;B?'

'I'll tell them,' Joey suggested optimistically.

'Look if you'd rather go home and scrub toilets, make beds or... That's the last name I expected to see on Pacey's boat. Are they talking again, I mean it must be a good sign,' Bessie was distracted by the Leery Fresh Fish flag that had just been hoisted. Joey turned to look and shrugged,

'The arrangement was made with Mr and Mrs Leery weeks ago. Maybe they don't want to back out. But it's a good sign I guess.'

'So they're still not talking?'

'No.'

'And you? Did you mend any fences?' Bessie gave her sister a searching look.

'Dawson found me the other day wanting to know if I wanted to spend time with him.'

'To which you said?' Bessie seemed to think this was great news. Joey frowned slightly.

'I don't know. It just doesn't feel right you know? Dawson and I become friends again whilst he and Pacey...'

'Let Pacey and Dawson worry about Pacey and Dawson,' Bessie began but Joey shook her head,

'Dawson can't have it all ways. Pacey isn't any guiltier for causing his hurt feelings than I am. If Dawson wants to be friends with me and not Pacey then it's because he's not interested in just being friends.'

'Wow, your loyalties have shifted,' Bessie whistled low, clearly surprised.

'I don't see how?'

'There was a time in your life when you wouldn't move without Dawson's say so. Remember Paris?' Bessie shrugged.

'Well that's the difference between Dawson and Pacey. I don't worry about what Pacey will think of my decisions because I trust him and he trusts me, and whatever is happening in my life I know that Pacey just cares about my happiness. Maybe all this trouble with Dawson is because we were never really friends, maybe I saw him as something more and so craved his good opinion being someone I'm really not around him? And maybe now he sees me as more? Probably in part because I'm with someone else.'

* * *

Joey couldn't wait to stop making pancakes. The only enjoyable few minutes occured when Pacey had left his boat for a few minutes, kissed her and had then taken over pancake flipping for a blissful ten minute respite. She'd had the enjoyable task of sitting behind him and staring at his rather perfect behind. There were definitely worse ways to spend time. When the pancake line up died down she had practically flattened him with her enthusiastic kisses, not that he cared an iota - that she could tell with absolute certainty.

'See you later my little hussy,' he'd teased pressing a kiss to her neck and nipping her ear lobe.

'Sail safe and win. Can't hurt can it?' she slid her hands under his shirt desperate for the smooth tan skin. Briefly she wondered at her inability to control her PDA but she didn't really care.

* * *

When Dawson approached the registration table she offered him a pancake, and she thanked him, because he hadn't talked his parents out of sponsoring Pacey, only Dawson assumed she was thanking him for something different and when he told her for what her heart sank. Dawson entering a sailing race was stupid in the first instance - the guy didn't sail and didn't really know how. Apparently Andie was helping - that surprised her but she could understand it in a way. In the second instance it was obvious that by paying the entry fee and flying the Potter B&amp;B flag what he was actually doing was making a point to Pacey and she said as much to Bessie, pointing out how if Pacey won it would be the same as beating Joey which he wouldn't want to do, but if he lost he would let down Dawson's parents which he would hate to do too.

'Look I'm going to talk to Pacey,' she glared at her sister and headed to the dock and True Love.

'Hey Jo,' Jack smiled at her from where he was working.

'Hey Jack,' she gave him a quick smile and then looked at Pacey who was carefully studying something and not looking at her. He looked good, his tan beginning to deepen. Even in that ridiculous shirt he loved she could see his strength. She could see he was hurt to because he must have seen Dawson raising that Potter B&amp;B flag, must have wondered what it meant.

'I'm heading for a bathroom break,' Jack said and squeezed her shoulder as he passed.

'Pacey, this wasn't my idea,' she said softly climbing onto the boat. She wasn't sure what to do with this storm cloudy Pacey. He hadn't been this way since everything between them had been happening so she tried to think of how she would have been before. 'l didn't ask him to do it which I know you know, but you know Dawson - he played on Bessie's anxiety over the B&amp;B. You know once he gets something in his mind, anyway I'm sorry.'

'lf it wasn't your idea, why are you apologising?' he asked without looking up and she understood - that she was apologizing for Dawson, for something she didn't want to happen.

'Because you're obviously upset and I hate you upset.'

'I do get it. I get why Bessie accepted it and yeah, I'm even sure he paid the entry fee which he could do and I couldn't. I am upset because I don't know what to do now,' he looked down at his hands, his face clearly displaying torment, a torment she hated to see there. 'Do you want me to drop out?' he asked and she shook her head vehemently, stepping up to him but too nervous to touch him.

'No...'

'Dawson couldn't have scripted this one any better, could he?' he sounded bitter and she hated it, like he thought she was upset with him, that somehow this would effect how she felt for him.

'What do you mean?'

'Don't you get it? No matter what l do, he wins. lf l drop out, he wins. lf l stay in, l'm forced into direct competition with the guy. And if l actually win, l don't beat him, l beat you. So guess who really wins there.'

'Pacey, no,' she put her hands on his working ones and when they stilled she took them.

'Don't you understand? I'm mad at him. Him and Bessie. It was underhanded and you're absolutely right, but you know what?'

'What?' he looked at her, his eyes beautiful and slightly lost.

'I want you to win. I've made like 300 pancakes today, the Potter B&amp;B has been sufficiently advertised. Now Bessie has her way and has a flag on a boat and that's great and whilst more people would hear of the B&amp;B if he won, you're my boyfriend and I want you to win. You entered that race with honourable intentions. His intention isn't honourable.'

'Hmm,' he gave a wry chuckle, more of a cough really but then looked at her again and smiled.

'What?' she asked.

'The boyfriend bit. I liked that,' he admitted.

'Win Pacey otherwise you may never know what I meant by "better than naked,"' she gave a causal shrug but he inched closer, letting go of her hands and wrapping his around her waist, pulling her flush against him.

'Well now there's an incentive,' he practically growled, the sound of his voice setting a wave of want to rush through her body.

'Maybe we should just forget the race altogether,' she kissed up his neck and then caught his lips with hers, a kiss that intensified almost immediately. One second it was just a kiss and then it was him holding her as close as possible, an eclectic assortment of sensations colliding through her, driving her to kiss harder, to be closer, to tell him she loved him.

'Hmm,' Jack's pointed cough broke them apart. 'We need to get the boat in position for the start,' he said.

'Win,' she reiterated into another kiss.

'Will do,' he agreed and kissed her one last time.

* * *

Joey was beyond furious. Dawson wasn't winning his way back into her heart any time soon with the absolutely juvenile way he was behaving. Convincing Bessie to allow him to race for the B&amp;B and then showing his utter ineptitude, putting Pacey, Jack and True Love in danger and then stalking off his boat whooping and hollering as if he was king, as if she'd be proud because he'd somehow proven himself to be a better man than Pacey.

'We won,' he cheered jubilantly and all she could do was scowl and widen her eyes as if to say "really?"

'No, you didn't, Dawson, you lost,' she informed him in a tight voice. lf you knew sailing, you'd know that you got disqualified.'

'For nearly killing me!' apparently Pacey was beyond furious as he stormed up the dock glaring at Dawson whilst snatching up her hand and clinging onto it.

'Disqualified?' Dawson didn't understand, didn't believe them. His eyes zeroed in on their hands and his brow pursed.

'I got more words for what you are,' Pacey's breathing was ragged and he could scarcely control it.

'Let's not forget who started this,' Dawson took a step forward.

'Stop,' Joey dropped Pacey's hand and stepped between them. 'The both of you, stop this. l'm not some damn trophy.'

'No, Jo you're not, but let's not forget who started this, okay? Let's not forget who pushed me towards you in the first place.'

'Pushed you?' her hands went to her hips with her offence.

'Pushed you?' Dawson scoffed.

'Yes! lt was you Dawson.'

'Because l didn't want to get hurt again! l had feelings for her! l still loved her.l still love her,' Dawson said the latter softly, to Joey but she didn't want to hear it.

'l hate this. l hate all of this. God, l hate you, Dawson, for forcing me to make a choice between our friendship and what l have with him. And l hate myself, you make me hate myself for refusing to choose, for trying to force me to even though I refuse. Nothing is worth going through all this. No one person is worth this most especially not me.'

'You know l'm glad he kissed you, l'm glad because it forced me to deal with the notion of losing you, Joey and l can't. l can't lose you. Not now, not ever,' Dawson beseeched, speaking softly as if to coax a scared animal.

'Dawson, l'm no good for you, l mean, look at the way you behaved today,' she shook her head.

'l behaved the way l did because l was threatened. I...'

'What are you talking about?' she squeezed Pacey's hand.

'Honestly l'm trying to be the kind of guy you want,' Dawson admitted shooting a venomous look towards his foe.

'You think you're being like Pacey?' she couldn't hide her incredulity.

'Well, you went for a guy who beat up a bully and bought you a wall.'

'And that's not you,' she squeezed Pacey's hand again.

'No, it's not, Joey, but l...l'm just trying to show you how much l want you, instead of just telling you.'

'You don't want me, Dawson. You said it yourself. You just don't want to lose me,' it was exhausting.

'Of course l don't want to lose you, Joey. l want you more than l ever have.'

'lf you really felt that way about me you would realise the last thing l need is another person with romantic intentions for me. I have Pacey and I want him.'

'Okay. Well ok, what do you need? Jo, what do you need? l will do anything. l'm willing to do anything.'

'l need a friend. Someone who will be there for me without any agenda. The person that you used to be,' she tried to explain.

'Then l'll be there for you. Let me prove it to you. Let me show you,' his words said one thing but the way he was looking at her hand joined with Pacey's said another.

'But I need Pacey too. I want him,' Joey gave Dawson a hard look, too tired of it all to really be able to see his point of view anymore.

'Look, man, why don't you just take a swing at me? I mean, honestly, just take a it over with,' Pacey was also frustrated and still very angry, but he made his offer calmly. 'You need to leave Joey out of this because she's been clear with you. If you just hit me it wouldn't involve our friends. It would save us both a lot of time and trouble.'

'Do you think that indulging yourself in some James Dean meets ''Greased Lightning'' fantasy that you're gonna prove you're a better man than l am?' Dawson spat at him, his attention taken from Joey.

'I don't have to prove that,' Pacey shrugged because Dawson was acting like a dick.

'You made that clear when you moved in on Joey,' Dawson was practically spitting.

'For the very last time, Dawson l fell for her...I couldn't help it. l thought you would understand someone falling for Joey Potter.'

'Are you delusional enough to believe you have something real with her?'

'lf l do, it's because of her own free will,' Pacey pointed out tightly.

'Do you really think a few confused weeks means anything compared to the lifetime we've had?'

'And did you actually think that you could hold on to that beautiful woman with a selfish ultimatum?' Pacey shot a glance at Joey. Joey for her part couldn't stand to listen to the arguing, especially because in all of it Dawson, her best friend for years, was entirely missing the point which was what she wanted.

'Answer my question,' Dawson snapped. 'Do you think you can compete with history?'

'Some history,' Pacey was barely managing to stand still, 'Fifteen years of watching PG movies in your bedroom a year and a half of pretending to be grown up only to drop each other at the first crisis? That's your history? Come on, man,' he was so sick of everyone acting like Dawson and Joey were sacrosanct. 'You call this woman your soul mate?'

'Yes, l do, and you knew that. And you went after her anyway.'

'After you rejected her,' Pacey pointed out.

'She was vulnerable. Perfect for you. Because you're only interested in girls you can save or screw, right, Pace?'

'Alright that's it,' Pacey wasn't above punching the guy and Joey knew it, especially if Dawson was going to start making claims like he was, so she did the only thing she thought might make her point - she threw herself into Pacey's body, his body rigid with hostility, her arms wrapping around his neck. Even in his fury he placed a gentle hand to her waist. She didn't stop there though, she pressed her lips to his, not caring what Dawson might say or do, merely wishing to resolve the fight because really there wasn't a fight because she knew who she wanted and so did they. He didn't immediately respond, he was still in the argument with Dawson, but as she slid her tongue into his mouth, as she kissed him with utter abandon his focus shifted from Dawson to her and she felt him return the kiss, a kiss she allowed to grow heated, the heat no doubt fuelled by his anger, his hurt, everything that had occurred, but she didn't care because at the end of the day the kiss was still for her. His arms wrapped more firmly around her, as she slowed the kiss down and leant her head against his. He was breathing deeply,

'I'm sorry,' he murmured.

'Don't apologize. I get it,' she told him.

'You're joking right? I mean don't you see that he's using you...' Dawson's fury hadn't abated apparently. Joey whipped around so fast her hair hit Pacey in the face,

'He is not,' she glared, 'you think I'm that stupid? That bad a judge of character? You think so little of me, that you doubt my ability to recognize someone who's serious about me with someone who only wants one thing?'

'I didn't...' Dawson began to back track,

'Whatever you were planning to achieve today the outcome is that I respect you less. Don't you see that with Pacey there are no ultimatums? You're trying to make me choose! I'm done here Dawson, we can be friends but you better not mention Pacey again.'

'You actually believe he loves you,' Dawson scoffed, his incredulity written all over his face.

'Yeah I believe he loves me. And yeah I believe he wants to have sex with me. I believe both those things to be true. Unlike you I don't think Pacey sees those things as mutually exclusive...'

'I don't see them as mutually exclusive...'

'No but you think he does. He loved Ms Jacobs and slept with her. He loved Andie and he slept with her. Whilst I find that intimidating at times I don't find it inappropriate.'

'Joey...'

'No,' she held up a hand. 'I promised Pacey a victory celebration and as he would have won if you hadn't cheated, he gets his victory celebration,' she turned and took his hand and loud enough for Dawson to hear stated, 'come on Pace, time to find out what's better than me naked.'

* * *

'I can't believe you said that,' Pacey muttered clearly quite proud, his arm around her shoulders as he kept pressing sporadic kisses to her head.

'I can't either to be honest, but seriously? He doesn't seem to get that I have a mind of my own.'

'I bet given the right time and the right place you'd find his dogged pursuit, his territory marking, attractive,' he smirked at her.

'Hmm,' she thought about it. 'Maybe if this was all new and by that I mean if we hadn't have been secret huggers and secret friends and then...blurry.'

'_Maybe_? _Really_? I thought you were gonna say "no - ultimatums suck Pace and you'd always have been the better guy no matter what,"' he pouted.

'Sheesh Pace, needy much? Whatever or whenever he pulled what he just pulled, I'd still want to be with you. With or without the secret hugs, friendship yada, yada.'

'That's my girl,' he grinned widely. 'So my little celebration...' He looked down at her.

'Yeah?'

'Should I call Jack and Jen and tell them to forget coming over?'

'Pacey we're supposed to meet up with them in, like, four hours.'

'I've got stamina,' he gave her a sweet, beseeching little smile.

'I'm sure you do,' she laughed, 'but no need to cancel.'

'Fine,' the pout was back.

'Please don't tell me a four hour plus make out session would be your way of marking your territory?' she arched a brow at him.

'Well it's better than Dawsons,' he grinned broadly.

'You don't need to mark your territory,' she warned.

'And you're not a trophy I know that. You know I know that,' he took his arm from around her and took her hand.

'I do.'

'I'm not marking territory Jo. I just love to make you feel really, really good,' he said and she felt a literal tingle run down her spine, her stomach lurching pleasantly.

'Good, we're here,' she jumped on the boat and he followed after, following her immediately below deck and spinning her around kissed her heatedly.

'Pacey,' she moaned as he shucked off his waterproof jacket. 'Stop a sec I need to tell you something,' she pushed him away slightly and he halted his over eager movements immediately.

'What?' he looked so panicked she had to giggle,

'Nothing bad. Well it's a little bad. Take off your waterproof stuff,' she nodded and he finished removing the jacket and then the pants. 'That,' she looked him up and down.

'What?' he repeated.

'Camo pants with a fish print shirt? Pacey you have a girlfriend now, and I'm sorry but no.'

'You don't like my shirt?' he frowned.

'I like the shirt. I even like the pants. What is offensive is the two of them together.'

'Oh,' he looked down at his outfit with a frown.

'There's only one thing to do,' she mused theatrically.

'What?'

'Take off the shirt,' she summarized with a wicked little smile, and slowly began to undo it button by button, loving his laboured breaths. She ran a hand up his chest pleased to see he'd forgone a wife beater especially considering the temperature. Giving into her desire to smell him she pressed her lips to his chest and breathed. He smelt amazing, a little sweat mixed in with the usual deliciousness, but nothing big, nothing off putting. In fact she actually found it was attractive to her which was weird but she didn't really care, just kissed across his chest, nipping at his nipples before looking up at him. 'Much better,' she summarized, smoothing her hands across his pecs and kissing his lips.

'I'm sorry I couldn't stay calm,' he said after a moment.

'Pacey, I don't want to talk about Dawson, or his misguided notion that I need rescuing from sex crazed you. I want you to watch me take off my clothes instead,' Joey had a little fantasy about being forthright and she fully intended to enact it, seeing as Pacey loved everything she did she wasn't feeling her usual insecurity.

'Take your clothes off,' he stated staring into her eyes.

'To reveal what's underneath...you know what's better than naked,' she said with a smile and he smiled back, a slow, happy smile before he reached for the bottom of her top, a little too enthusiastically. 'I'll do that,' she swatted his hands away and for the second time stripped off her top to reveal herself to him and unlike the first time she'd ever done that for a boy she knew she was utterly confident of a favourable reaction. However her underwear was better so she was expecting a more favourable reaction than the second time. She was at least expecting a second to appreciate his reaction but upon seeing her black lacy, slightly push up bra Pacey apparently had other ideas, and she was in his arms, and then somehow lying flat out on the foam mattress on the floor, being consumed by his heated and extremly skilled kiss, her heart hammering and her brain fuzzy,

'Fuck Joey,' he groaned, his hands grasping at her boobs, before he placed warm breathy kisses on them.

'Not done,' she teased and reached between them to push off her skirt. Pacey arched away from her and looked at the boy short black lace panties.

'Hmmm,' he growled and shifted down her body to press warm, open mouthed kisses to her clit and everywhere else her panties covered, her whole body arching to meet his skilled mouth. Before she could say anything he was flicking the panties aside and thrusting two fingers into her, his mouth sucking on her clit, relentless, skilled and enthusiastic until after a stupidly short amount of time her whole body was lifting off the mattress and she was crying out, her whole body exploding wildly as she came. Only he didn't stop with her orgasm, he tugged her panties down and pushed them off of her, and then put his face back between her legs, only she didn't want his face there anymore even if he was going to make her come again. Her body's second quick climb up shocked her, but as he pushed his fingers back inside of her she practically flew as her body exploded a second time. And she still didn't want his face, she wanted _him_ between her legs.

'Here,' she tugged roughly at his hair, until he was lying on top of her and kissing her, his hands returning to his chest. She, for her part, reached between them and shoved at his pants until they were half way down his legs when she gave up and just pulled the hard heat of him between her legs, the feelings utterly delectable against her nakedness.

'Joey,' he groaned loudly, his hips bucking against her creating a steady friction as he kissed her as though he'd die if he stopped. Then his kissing becoming sloppy and haphazard until only moments later he cried out. She slid a hand down the back of his boxers onto his naked ass and held him against her, loving the feel of his spent weight on top of her. 'Holy hell that was hot,' he moaned softly into her neck. 'Where did you get that underwear?'

'Jen and I went shopping,' she found herself giggling, a little ashamed of her utterly girlish response.

'So why do guys complain about girls shopping when they come home with stuff like that?'

'Sometimes they just come home with tampons and a top,' she stated and he laughed.

'Oh my god but that made up for what happened earlier. I couldn't care less about races, near crashes, idiotic friends, anything...'

'So I didn't seem silly, or slutty, or...' Joey found her insecurities suddenly abundant and she held her face against his shoulder, her arms tight around him. For a second he was quiet and then he pushed away from her, dropping beside her, his hand wrapping around her jaw,

'Don't you ever worry about anything you do that's between us. I mean ever,' he took a deep breath, 'you're beautiful Joey. A complete an utter goddess and every time I get to touch you, be near you, see you embracing your body, what you feel and want, well I just thank god, thank everything because I love you. I know you think too much sometimes, that you worry...worry you're not enough, but you are more than enough. I don't think I'll ever love anyone as much as you.'

'You're only sixteen,' she fought back tears that she knew were happy, but just a little bit sad.

'You know something Jo?' he looked down, his hand taking hers, 'I may only be sixteen but I know how it is when people don't love, or when they don't love enough. Or when they love the wrong way - with expectation or disappointment. You know I can't remember the last time I was happy in my house, in my home. I'm not sure I've ever been happy there because I've never been wanted there, so you know I focussed on being happy outside of my home.'

'And did you succeed?' her hand wrapped around his neck, playing with the short hair at the nape.  
'I've played the glib side kick for as long as I can remember Jo. I like that side of my personality, the one that alleviates the seriousness of life for other people. I don't like to be the clown,' he admitted.

'You're not a clown,' she chided but he smirked,

'Didn't you once tell me to go to clown college?'

'Something like that,' she blushed.

'At times I did walk the tight rope between being a glib, happy go lucky side kick and a bit of a clown,' he admitted.

'Not true,' Joey frowned.

'Jo, crush on me all you like but it is true,' he teased with a kiss to her eyebrow.

'I meant the side kick bit. I don't know what I would have done without you. I probably would have become quite inhibited. I'd have definitely been an emotional mess, so no you weren't the sidekick.'

'You say the sweetest things,' he kissed her for a long few moments before he pulled back. 'However, to my best friend I was. But you know you and Dawson, you gave me a space where it was predictable and I was accepted. I've always loved you Joey. I know that sounds stupid but I have always loved you and Dawson for being fond of me, accepting of me, for giving me somewhere to be.'

'Pacey,' she hated to think of him feeling that way, him having a home and a family but no love and yet she knew it to be true because she knew how his father was with him, she knew of his mother's disinterest first hand. She knew it all and wondered why anyone would spurn the open affection of the boy beside her.

'All I'm trying to say is I told myself that when I loved there shouldn't be conditions, or ultimatums or insecurity or fear that I'm not being sincere. So I'm going to answer your concerns honestly,' he smiled and nuzzled his nose into her breasts, 'you weren't silly, you were wonderful and gorgeous and sexy, incredibly sexy. As for the slutty,' he looked up at her from where he was still fixated on her boobs, 'maybe the bra's...it's...um... amazing. It's the sexiest thing I've ever seem in my life - you in that bra,' he ran a finger under the cup of her bra and swirled it around her nipple, 'I mean you look really, really good. Finding _this_,' he tugged at the bra cup, 'under your clothes - well that's hotter than hell.'

'Pacey?' she wrapped a hand around his chin.

'Yeah?' he looked at her expectantly.

'I just...I just don't get it,' she trailed her finger across her lips, her brain working a mile a minute.

'Get what?'

'I mean I get why,' she mused, struggling to articulate her thoughts.

'I am totally lost Jo. You know I'd heard multiple orgasms could scramble the brain, I guess maybe it's true...'

'Oh haha,' she shot him a mean look through narrowed eyes that twinkled.

'Get what Jo?'

'I know why you put yourself down, but really I don't know why all at the same time. I have to say that I find you...frighteningly smart,' she admitted her brow pursed. Pacey laughed loudly,

'I assure you that's not true,' he peppered her face with kisses but she pushed him away,

'I seriously think you're probably smarter than Andie and me put together and I use the two of us because I happen to know you think we're pretty damn clever. And you'd be right.'

'Have you forgotten the infamous snail ménage et tois?' he asked snorting.

'Stop laughing for a second,' she bossed, 'I haven't forgotten any of the dumb things you've done, but doing dumb impetuous things makes you interesting not stupid. You are really good with words Pace and when I reward you with _affection_ your retention is amazing. I'm just thinking it's probably time to stop selling yourself short.'

'What about my penchance for fucking up?' he asked with a quirked brow and she laughed,

'We'll I'd be disappointed if you lost _that_,' she ruffled his hair. 'I'm not saying I think you should be anything Pace, just that you could be if _you_ wanted. Look at True Love, look what you can achieve when you want to. Don't sell yourself short and don't let anyone else do it for you.'

'What if I want to be something really mundane like a..._chef_?' his eyes twinkled mischievously and she blushed,

'Well I think you'd be an awesome chef and I bet you could even run your own restaurant one day. You're multitalented.'

'My fingers are,' again with the twinkle. 'Especially for chef fantasy enactment...'

'I am barely able to move Witter, let alone even begin to contemplate making that fantasy come true.'

'Isn't it me that's got to make it come true?' he teased.

'And we have no where for that to happen,' she pointed out.

'Well then now I have a goal. To be a chef and have a kitchen large enough to,' he lowered his lips to her ear and whispered elaborately causing Joey's eyes to darken and a deep blush to stain her cheeks. When he was done she dragged his face to hers and kissed him pulling him back on top of her.


	10. Chapter 10

**Thanks for the reviews all.**

**This is the last of what I have written. This and about five undress words of Chapter 11. Please review to motivate and guilt me into finding time. Please...**

**Thanks, Tab:-) **

**Chapter 10**

Joey was pretending not to care. She was pretending not to care that Dawson was forever calling over at the B&amp;B, pretending not to care that he was constantly calling her, pretending not to care that he was insisting they revise for finals together. She did care though. She'd never have pegged Dawson as an unreasonable, irrational person but he was simply determined to win her back - or at least that's what she assumed he was attempting to do.

A tapping in the window broke her out of her thoughts and she opened it up to let Pacey climb in.

'How's it going?' he asked with a big optimistic grin.

'You didn't come over earlier. I thought you were gonna come by and do that English assignment.'

'I did come over,' he wrapped his arms around her and kissed her soundly. 'You were entertaining.'

'You left because Dawson was here?' she frowned.

'Fourth day in a row, it was a little much after my dad was such an ass today. I kinda wanted you and no one else. I did do my assignment though.'

'I didn't want him here I wanted you here and I would have kicked him out. He seems to think there's a wavering in my affection, or that there should be, or that if he's here I'll somehow forget that I want you.'

'Is there?' Pacey hesitated in the affection he was currently lavishing to her neck. 'A wavering?'

'None,' she told him. 'I don't know what to do about him! I honestly don't,' she sighed, 'and I don't want to talk about that right now.'

'You wanna make out? Great, me too!' he nudged his hands under her tank.

'No,' she put her hands on her hips and stared at him.

'What?'

'I want to talk about you Pace. What did your dad do?' she led him to the bed and lifted the covers, then sat him on the edge. He kicked off his shoes and pushed off his shorts and his tshirt before climbing into the bed. She fell into his arms, wrapping her own tightly about him.

'God, and breathe,' he whispered. 'I feel like I haven't had a second of peace all day.'

'What happened?'

'That's the thing Jo - nothing happened. My dad was drunk. That was it. I'm a loser and he's a drunk and so he tells me repeatedly how much I suck so I came here and Dawson was stalking you.'

'You know you're not a loser,' she pressed a kiss to his chest.

'Oh I'm pretty sure I am. I'm not cut out for big things, I'll never amount to much. My dad's always gotta point out how I'm different to the others, a screw up. I mean what kind of father calls the kid that's finally not screwing up a screw up? You know I got over 80 on all the assignments since...well since you and I started evolving the hugging? Me getting over 80's and even a few 90's.'

'So you know your dad is a big massive idiot. You can't believe what they say Pace. You mustn't. If you ever have to choose a side in an argument I know you're smart enough to choose mine. I make you come. I adore every dumb thing you do, and I happen to think doing dumb stuff and having dumb luck, doesn't actually make you dumb. We've had this conversation before.'

'Can we ask Dawson to give you a bit of space?'

'He said he'd come over tomorrow but I said you and I were going on a date.'

'We are?' he smiled at her.

'Well you can't always be the one to organize things. I thought we'd go for a picnic. After all Friday we're going to the movies with Jen and Jack.'

'I love the idea of a picnic.'

'We may have to revise a little,' she rolled on top of him, resting her chin on his chest.

'Well that's ok, because we both know how to make the things we revise stick.'

'We do,' she kissed him for a few distracting minutes. 'I am so, so into you,' she told him softly, loving how his hands went to her butt and then trailed up her back.

'And I am so, so, so into you,' he agreed.

'When your dad makes you feel like a loser you need to apply logic. I'm not gonna be so, so into a loser. Losers don't do it for me.'

'Ok,' he nodded and wrapped a hand around the side of her face, his thumb smoothing across her cheekbone. 'Thank you.' She had about a million things she wanted to say but she kissed him instead.

* * *

'You look nervous,' Pacey frowned from where he was half lying on the grass. The picnic and revision notes spread out on the blanket.

'Dawson accosted me on the way to school today. Now you promise not to get mad,' she bit her lip.

'What am I not getting mad about?' his frown deepened.

'He asked me to prom,' she smiled weakly. Pacey, for his part, looked awfully serious.

'And you said?'

'I said no of course,' she rolled her eyes, crawling across to him and lying on her back beside him, a position that put him over her. She craned her neck up and pressed a kiss to his lips. 'Now Pace, please don't tell me you're thinking of returning to being a moron...' she spoke into the kiss.

'Joey, do you want to go to prom with me,' he smiled into the kiss effectively ending it.

'Why yes I would love to,' she snaked her hands around his neck and kissed him.

'What was he thinking asking you that?' Pacey said at length. 'I mean you're my girlfriend,' he shook his head clearly put out.

'I asked him. When I said no. He said you didn't hesitate to make a move on me knowing how he feels so he thought he was at liberty to do the same.'

'You guys weren't together,' Pacey growled.

'I know,' she shrugged. 'Now let's forget about Dawson and his mild case of psychosis and focus on gossip. Jack is gonna take Ethan to prom.'

'Wow, good for him,' Pacey grinned.

'Ethan's pretty cute,' Joey mused.

'Hey,' he poked her in the ribs.

'You know I'm taken not blind!' she teased.

'And you wouldn't mind me mooning over some other girl.'

'I'm not _mooning,' _she rolled her eyes. 'Merely observing. You are quite at liberty to acknowledge the attractiveness of any guy or girl that catches your eye. I will draw the line at mooning.'

'You know I don't think you'd like that. In theory yeah, but I think you're far more green eyed than you think you are.'

'Am I now?' she smiled up at him, rubbing the strands of hair at the nape of his neck.

'You just know I don't see any girl but you,' he tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. 'You know I adore you so completely.'

'You aren't blind though.'

'No I'm not,' he nodded.

'So all I'm saying is if you can mention a pretty girl then communication is good,' she attempted a good amount of conviction.

'_Really_?' he chuckled softly.

'Well provided you follow it up by waxing lyrical about how utterly hot you think I am.'

'Hot, sexy, beautiful, gorgeous, wonderful...' he pressed a kiss to her lips.

'All of that.'

'And I'm not a jealous kind of guy. You can think Ethan's hot. You can ever tell me Henry's cute, and that's ok. Just tell me when you stop being mine and I don't ever need to feel jealous. And I mean the slightest drift away from wanting me.'

'Well likewise,' she pulled his head to hers and kissed him, a deep, ardent kiss, that evolved as he rolled on top of her.

'I can't always believe you're mine,' he whispered, running his thumbs lightly across her temples.

'I can't always believe _you're_ mine!' she smiled.

'So should we revise and then make out some more?'

'Wow Pace - instigating study. Are you feeling ok?' she pressed a hand to his forehead.

'Haha,' he smirked. 'I'm just trying to help my neurotic girlfriend not freak out.'

'Well good,' she nodded, 'and yeah, let's study so we can go back to mine and make out without the chance of being discovered by anyone.'

'You mean naked?' he gave her a broad grin.

'Well study and then you'll find out!'

* * *

When Barbara John's refused to sell Jack a ticket to prom just because he was bringing a guy as his date Joey was horrified and she was then relieved that a solution could be found, pleased that Dawson was able to offer that solution. Of course such a solution should never have been necessary, because at prom the only thing anyone really cared about was dresses, or their own date, or someone else's only if they wished it was their date. What difference should it make to anyone if two guys were there together? So whilst she felt the _need_ to be ridiculous, she was glad that Jack had a prom to go to. She was relieved he had friends like Dawson and the others to ensure he had a prom. Friends like Pacey who weren't throwing him proms to get her attention, but quietly supporting him. So she knew Dawson wanted to help Jack, but she knew by the way that he looked at her that this alternate prom was also about her. She said goodbye to her friends kissing Pacey who was heading to the store for his mom and headed for home and revision. Dawson fell into step beside her,

'Hey,' he grinned.

'Hey,' she tucked her hair behind her ear and tried to sound somewhat enthusiastic.

'I'm actually really excited by this alternate prom. It'll be a really safe space. Who needs the Barbara Johns of the world sitting on their thrones and judging.'

'No one was judging you Dawson,' she pointed out and it was true - no one ever judged Dawson, not like the judged her, or Jen, Jack or even Pacey. The fact that he had a space to host a prom, parents to support the idea, set him far apart. She wasn't really being fair. He couldn't help his loving, wealthy parents anymore than she could help her lack thereof. 'It was very kind of you to offer,' she said sincerely.

'It's a lot of work,' he enthused, 'but if we all work together we can make it great.'

'Shouldn't you check with your parents first?' she gave him a smile, but he just rolled his eyes dismissively.

'I actually wanted to make one last ditch attempt to convince you to come with me. I know what you're going to say. I know you have Pacey and that you're..._together_. The thing is I want to make this special for you. I want to share this event with my best friend like we always said we would.'

'We said we'd go together if neither of us had a significant other. I do have a significant other,' she could feel her irritation growing fast.

'You've been dating for all of five minutes. I know you Joey. You can't be nearly as serious as you pretend to be. I know you were just making a point the other week after the race,' he looked optimistic.

'Was I?' she shot back.

'I know you think you like the guy. I get that you guys are friends. But he used to repulse you. You were so adamant in how off putting you found him.'

'Some might argue I was a little too adamant,' she scowled.

'Joey,' he beseeched looking utterly wounded.

'I'm sorry but I'm going to the prom with Pacey. If we aren't welcome at your alternate prom then neither of us will be going. I would rather not go than not go with him.'

'Do you have any idea how much that hurts? Are you just trying to be cruel? What happened to us? I thought I knew you,' Dawson was staring at her with an expression of incomprehension.

'I'm still the same person.'

'You're not. You seem to have become a rather _base_ person of late,' he snarled.

'I will forgive you that because I know you're hurt. There is nothing wrong with exploring physical things with my boyfriend. Nothing at all. It doesn't make me _base_.'

'I saw you that night I came to talk to you at the wall, I saw him turn up and the way you were together, right there in the centre of town!I saw you kissing in your kitchen. And the way you talk it's as if you're sleeping together! I've seen you enough to know that you don't seem to care what you do when it comes to Pacey. You lack all the restraint you had with me. I can't stand the fact that he's turned you into his slut,' he spat the word in his anger and in hers she slapped him around the face so fast she barely had a second to contemplate what she was about to do before it was done.

'When a boy wants a girl it's natural. When a boy makes the bases he's a stud. When a guy sleeps with a girl - he's the man. But somehow a girl is a slut? I'm a slut because I like him touching me? And I do like him touching me Dawson, I do. In fact I love him touching me, in all sorts of graphic ways and it doesn't make me a slut. The fact that I fantasize about having sex with him doesn't make me a slut. Having sex with him wouldn't make me a slut. None of it makes me a slut. It's so unfair because if I were a boy, if I were your friend and a boy you wouldn't be calling me a slut - you'd be congratulating me. I bet the words slut didn't roll off your tongue when Pacey slept with Ms Jacobs. And I bet if I was sleeping with you, you'd have a few choice words to say to anyone that called me a slut,' she hadn't realized how angry, upset and utterly incensed she was until she realized she was pointing at him and about ready to slap him a second time.

'I...' he looked shocked, horrified, utterly confused by what was happening and she was glad but she didn't want to hear any of it.

'I won't be coming to your alternate prom. I'm pretty sure Pacey won't either. We'll have our own private prom,' she glared at him and she turned around and walked in the opposite direction - towards Pacey's house and him.

'Joey,' Dawson's voice couldn't break through her rage and she stormed, the trip to Pacey's seeming to take no time at all. She sat on his front steps and waited, knowing he was at the store. Luckily Pacey didn't dally when it came to store visits and before long he was trudging up the street laden with a couple of bags.

'He called me a slut,' she stated loudly when he finally noticed her and his face hardened. 'He called me a slut and I hit him. I slapped him around the face without even thinking,' her breathing was ragged and her heart was still pounding so hard. 'Because I want to be with you, because we can't keep our hands off each other, because I want you and not him, I'm a slut. I lost it with him Pacey. I mean I totally lost it. I called him on his misogynistic bullshit. Loudly in the middle of the street. I told him I fantasize about sex with you. I told him I like you touching me. I'm so mad,' she wrapped her arms around his waist and he dropped the shopping he was carrying and wrapped his arms tightly around her. It took several minutes before she realized he was shaking.

'I'm sorry,' she pressed kisses to his chest.

'Don't you apologize, don't you ever apologize because I couldn't be prouder of you. I'm proud that you called him on it because it's completely out of order. He should just be relieved I wasn't there because I don't think I'd have managed just a slap.'

'I know he's not right, but when someone says that to you it makes you feel...I don't know - all wrong inside. I guess therein lies the power. I should feel empowered right now - I love things between us and I stood up for myself but I feel chastised, guilty, and slightly uncomfortable with how things are,' she attempted to vocalise her jumbled up feelings and hoped he'd understand.

'Joey,' he pressed a kiss to her temple, 'you have every right to do with your body what you want, and so long as you want it, your choices are your business and no one else's. Do you think Jen is a slut? She openly told you how many guys she slept with...'

'Well no, actually I don't. I think she was vulnerable, taken advantage of but not slutty.'

'And what if she slept with every guy in our grade?' Pacey asked,

'Her choice,' Joey stated and Pacey nodded,

'Her choice. We only need to worry when someone isn't happy or puts their self in danger. The truth is socially we're conditioned to think sleeping around isn't a good idea and it isn't - not really. I mean aside from the emotional ramifications there's the physical risks but it is no ones business. If someone practices safe sex and is absolutely fine with the level of emotional attachment well it's up to them. Being physical in a committed relationship is normal.'

'So if you're easy you're still not slutty? I mean I will admit I totally have the social conditioning. Dawson calls me a slut and I think of the things I've said to you, the things I've done with you and I wonder...it was so easy to transition from friends to that. I was _easy_. The first time you more than hugged me you made me come. I was easy,' she fought back tears.

'So what?' he shrugged. 'I mean so what? You could have done that with a complete stranger and if you wanted to, honestly so what?'

'You're really quite extraordinary you know?' she stared at him feeling a deep stir in her belly, a deep craving for him and a desire to never lose him. She suddenly hated that they were only sixteen because she couldn't imagine managing to keep him forever.

'It's nothing extraordinary to give women, girls, the same rights and respect as men. Even I fail at that some times, even when I'm trying hard not to. If you were with Dawson and he was telling me all about the things you two were up to, him touching you like I touch you - well I'd respect you for embracing what you wanted. It's not just because you do those things with me that I respect you. That's what I'm saying.'

'And I understand why you don't always realize quite how extraordinary you are, but you are. You aren't like other people. You think better, you are better. I honestly think you might be the best person ever.'

'Aaah you're just into me,' he teased with his usual self-deprecation.

'I am into you, but with extremely good reason. I'm very lucky.'

'You got that the wrong way round Potter,' he pressed a kiss to her neck.

'Actually I think I have it exactly the right way round,' she stated looking at him, watching the flush spread over his cheeks. Then he grinned,

'So are you coming in because the ice cream my mom asked for is probably mush,' he was changing the subject and she knew it was because he wasn't used to hearing nice things. That pained her. 'I mean I know we have revision to do.'

'You have notes here too,' she shrugged. 'Lets revise some here and then revise some at mine. You can pretend to go home and then sneak back in through the window. I mean if you want?'

'I always want,' he squeezed her one last time and picked up his bags.

'Oh...I should tell you that I'm not going to prom, I'm really not. We can have our own private prom, or if you want to go, that's fine but I don't want to. Not to the school prom nor Dawson's judgemental alternate prom.'

'Are you sure? I mean it's a right of passage and all that.'

'Well I'm sure but if you're not I really don't mind if you go.'

'What would be the point without you?' he asked with a frown.

'I don't know. You could hang with our friends, support Jack, I'm sure both he and Jen would dance with you,' she gave him a grin.

'I'm sure they would but I want to be with you.'

'I can't go, I really can't.'

'So the only reason I'll go is if Jack wants me there. Let's get Jack and Jen to meet us at yours in an hour?'

'Ok,' she nodded as they went into his house.

* * *

'He called you a _what_?' Jen had her hands on her hips, the words yelled.

'Well he said he can't stand the fact that Pacey's turned me into his slut,' Joey clarified smiling as Jen flopped onto the end of her bed in evident outrage. Jack for his part had a dropped jaw and was doing a great job of impersonating a goldfish. Pacey was just shaking his head, his face tight as he read revision notes.

'I always knew Dawson had it in him...to be judgemental. He went off me so fast when I wasn't the pure girl he wanted me to be. I mean look at how much composition a simple first kiss took. He wanted it to be staged to be controlled, so whilst it disappoints me I'm not surprised.'

'She missed out the part where she slapped him,' Pacey added without looking up from the notes.

'Well good,' Jack said before Jen could.

'Too right - that's good. I hope you told him a thing or two?'

'I did. I gave him a thing or two to think about,' she smirked.

'Like what?' Jen narrowed her eyes.

'I told him I love the very graphic ways that Pace touches me. I mean it's true and it doesn't make me a slut...that was my point of course,' she smiled at Jen but she caught the smile Jack shot her boyfriend, and his coy, but slightly smug smile in return. She couldn't blame him though.

'Well I'm proud of you,' Jen gushed.

'S'what I said,' Pacey concurred showing he had more of an ear on the conversation than appeared.

'And are you planning to defend her honour?' Jen asked astutely and Pacey put down the revision cards and sighed.

'I want to. I mean I want to punch his light out because really...I mean really?' he began to gesture in his frustration, 'where does that guy get off? Like you Jen I'm not surprised though I would have credited with a little more class.'

'So are you going to punch him?' Jen asked and he looked to Joey, they all did.

'In all honesty, if I see him any time soon I might find it hard not to but...well I don't think it will achieve much. He'd deserve it,' they all nodded, 'but he is our friend. I don't think Joey wants me to punch him and I want her happy. I mean if he says it to my face that's another story.'

'No one could say anything then,' Jack agreed. 'I think I'd punch him.'

'Thanks for the support guys,' Joey mused. 'The biggest problem with all this is that I'm not going to the alternate prom.'

'You're going to Barbara John's prom?' Jen scoffed.

'No, no...I wouldn't,' Joey rolled her eyes. 'I'm not going to prom at all.'

'And if she's not going...' Pacey looked at Jack.

'You're not going,' Jack finished.

'Except I am. If you want me there. I know it aught not to be a big deal but I'm not naive enough to think that it isn't. So I'm there if you want me there.'

'You're a good guy Pace,' Jack stated. 'And thank you but I'll have Jen and I'll be fine. You guys can spend the evening together.'

'What will you do?' Jen asked looking between them.

'He said if Jack didn't want him there, he wanted to organize the night.'

'And you're gonna let him?' Jack teased.

'I'll be honest - we could watch a movie and make out and I'd be happy,' Joey shot a look at Pacey that was heaped with her obvious adoration.

'That's not the plan,' Pacey chuckled, 'well not the movie part.'

'Maybe we should have our own alternate, alternate prom,' Jen joked. 'Sounds like fun.'

'Ha, that wouldn't go down so well,' Joey shook her head. 'Now let's revise before we fail our finals and prom is a moot point.'

'We don't actually find out until after prom...' Jack pointed out but picked up his notes.

* * *

Bessie kicked everyone out at around nine and that included Pacey. Joey showered and then headed back to her room smiling at Pacey who was lying on her bed.

'You said I could sneak in,' he smiled because she was only wrapped in a towel.

'And I'm pleased you did,' she winked.

'How you doing? It's been a crappy day one way or another.'

'I've actually had a pretty good day Pace. You make everyday a little bit better.'

'And you think Dawson's wrong...' Pacey gave her a shit eating grin and chuckled, totally confusing her.

'I'm lost,' she frowned.

'If you think I make every day better, if you think I'm extraordinary and clever maybe I have hoodwinked you...' he was jesting but it didn't sit right,

'No Pace, I'm just recognizing bits of you that have been there all along. I'm far too smart for hoodwinking.'

'So I'm really all those things?' he asked shuffling to the edge of the bed and drawing her between his legs.

'All those things,' she nodded and then rolled her eyes, 'loud too. If you don't want my sister storming in here in a rage you need to whisper.'

'Well if you want to hear my awesome whisper you'll need to be really, really close,' he told her, rather obvious in his intentions.

'And if you're planning on sleeping over you can't wear those shorts in my bed,' she shrugged.

'Well if I can't wear my shorts it seems to me that you don't need to be bothering with that towel,' he shrugged in response.

'It is hot,' she nodded.

'It is,' he agreed, 'and bed is so much fun when you're naked.'

'You know what strikes me as unfair?' she tilted her head to one side.

'What's that then?' Pacey's focus was almost entirely on nudging his fingers up to where the corner of Joey's towel was tucked into the main body of towel, the place where he could effectively undo said towel.

'I seem to be getting naked for you an awful lot these days and yet I have yet to see you entirely naked,' she pursed her lips and he looked up at her.

'I thought you were all for my boxers on lest we get close to something we're not ready to get close to?' he pressed his chin against her and she loved him for his use of "we're" rather that "you" which was nearer the truth.

'You're saying you can't restrain yourself?' she arched a brow, her cavalier attitude at odds with her racing heart. 'I could always wear panties.'

'I would never...you know I can...'

'I was kidding,' she laughed softly.

'And I don't want you wearing panties. I want to touch you.'

'Well then we'll just have to make sure your bits go nowhere near my bits,' she smirked.

'That might be hard,' he tugged at the towel until it fell from her body, pooling at her feet. The touch of his hands at her ribs was feather light, as he tracked a path down, over her hips and then around the curve of her behind. 'I'm very hard,' he groaned into her stomach as he pressed several kissed there. 'I always want you so much.'

'I want to see how much,' she murmured demurely and reached down to flick open his belt and push at his shorts but she gasped when his warm mouth caught her nipple and his hand fluttered across her clit. 'Pacey,' she moaned.

'Lie on the bed,' he practically begged, 'please,' he pulled back the covers and she lay down. 'You want me naked?' he asked and she loved that he double checked. She nodded,

'I do,' she propped herself up on her elbows and watched as he removed his tshirt, exposing his exceedingly gorgeous body all toned and muscled, smooth skin stretching over a perfect shape. She unconsciously bit her lip as he pulled off his shorts and then his boxers, his socks thankfully discarded somewhere along the way. Joey stared because really there was nothing else to do.

'I know, I know, guys aren't nearly as nice to look at as you lot,' he flushed an adorable shade of red under her scrutiny,

'I actually think you're very beautiful,' she stared at his cock, hard and big and kind of looking at her from where he was stood. She'd always thought penis's were rather disgusting but actually they were quite enchanting - or at least Pacey's was. 'Can I watch you get hard one day?' she asked finally looking up at his eyes. They were half lidded and dark and sexy as hell.

'Yeah,' he nodded and climbing onto the bed crawled across it until he was lying next to her. 'If you want.'

'I surprise myself with what I want when I'm with you,' she whispered.

'I just want you,' he wrapped an arm around her and pulled her against him until her head was resting on his chest. She released a sigh because it was always the best place to be - the most comforting, the safest and these days, the most erotic. His finger tips trailed up and down her spine as they lay together. Then all at once he was rolling them over and kissing her, the weight of his body coming to rest on hers, the hot, silky, naked hard heat of him pressed between them, right on her clit and it felt divine, like that one small bundle had been ramped up with extra watts of electricity. She gasped loudly because she had the strongest desire to have him put himself lower, against where she was wet and apparently desperate for him. All of these feelings were apparently reciprocated as he claimed her mouth, the kiss more urgent his hands removing hers from his body and holding them above her head as he thrust against her, again and agasping, quite shamelessly aping the act that filled her mind, and she wanted her hands, wanted them so she could shift his body down hers. She fought his hands,

'I want you in me,' she moaned, all the while relentlessly trying to resist his body's complete ability to give her an orgasm with ease. Each movement just took her further into her desire ridden insanity and closer to achieving that moment of extreme pleasure. Desperately she wrapped her legs around him trying to push him down, trying to force him off her clit and between her legs but he held firm.

'Please,' she moaned into the kiss that he never broke and she felt him smile, but then he was kissing her again with renewed enthusiasm, and she could feel herself begin to go, could feel her whole body climbing up to that precipice she just loved to crash over, and then they were both groaning together, his hot come firing onto her belly as she writhed beneath him. Then he was rolling off of her, and his thumb found her clit as he pushed two fingers into her, filling her in the way she was suddenly so completely desperate for, and it was good but she wanted more than his fingers she realized, but then she stopped thinking as his fingers and thumb sent her spiralling into her messy, adrenalin ridden second orgasm.

'I think perhaps it would be safer if we weren't both naked,' Pacey whispered into her ear, kissing the lobe. 'Until we're ready for more,' he added.

'I was ready for more just then,' she sighed still entirely blissed out. He chuckled,

'Hmmm,' was all he said and reached across for a tissue and wiping her free of his come.

'I'm gonna put my boxers on but if you wanna sleep naked that is absolutely great by me.'

'Hmmm,' she wasn't feeling particularly eloquent and curled up into him when he was back in the bed.

'Jo?'

'Yeah?' she asked sleepily.

'I wanna sail down the coast this summer. I really want you to come with me. I'll stay if you can't go or don't want to, but I'd really like you to come with me. Think about it.'

'I will,' she pressed a kiss to his chest, her eyes shut and her brain foggy with sleep


	11. Chapter 11

**Hi All,**

**Here is chapter 11 - thanks for the reviews and follows. Please do review - yes I'm begging, the good, the bad...**

**I have nothing else written but I will try and work on that this evening - reviews motivate, people!**

**I give you Alternate Anti-prom!**

**Thank, Tab:-)**

**Chapter 11**

'Joey,' Dawson called from behind her. Tucking her chin down to her chest she walked a little faster. 'Come on Joey,' he made it up to her and fell into pace beside her. It hadn't escaped her notice that he'd waited for her to be away from Pacey before he approached her. 'You're not talking to me,' he stated and even though it was childish she ignored him.M'Joey I know I deserve it. I do. I should never have said what I did...'

'You should never have thought it,' she glared at him, interrupting his attempt at a monologue apology.

'I know, I know...I just don't know what to think or do these days...'

'You could try being happy for your friends.'

'I can't really consider Pacey to be much of a friend,' Dawson muttered darkly.

'Well Pacey isn't any guiltier in us being together than I am. So if you're mad at him you should be mad at me.'

'But you're not just my friend...' he attempted.

'I have a boyfriend. I can be nothing more than just your friend,' she muttered in exasperation.

'He's not right for you Joey. Think about it. You want more than this...than a life in Capeside and as much as we both like or liked the guy, we both know that the likelihood of him escaping this town...of passing junior year...' he spoke as though he knew something she didn't.

'What are you talking about?'

'He was called to the guidance office Joey. There's only one reason he's ever been called there...' Dawson let the insinuation hang in the air and whilst she felt sick, sick at the thought of what he was implying she just couldn't believe it. However, she knew that even if it was true she'd still love him just as much.

'Dawson you need to stop. Really you do. If we're to preserve any of the friendship we had then you need to stop inserting yourself into my relationship with Pacey. I love him Dawson. I'm crazy in love with him. I'm not in love with academic achievement but with people being happy. I happen to think Pacey is extremely smart and will succeed in ways other people really won't. I think that maybe a summer apart will give you time...' she was exhausted by it all in honesty and now she wanted to see Pacey, to make sure everything was ok.

'You love him?' Dawson looked down at his feet, his voice all choked up.

'Yeah. Which you already knew,' she shrugged. 'I'm going to go now,' and she hurried away.

* * *

'Pacey,' she practically jumped down all the stairs to her front porch and ran to meet him.

'Pleased to see me?' he teased as she threw her arms around him.

'Dawson was stirring things, trying to make me worry. He said you were called into the guidance office? He claimed there was only one reason...'

'There is only one reason,' Pacey nodded, his face an unreadable mask.

'I don't buy that you failed any one of those finals. You knew that stuff back to front,' she narrowed her eyes at him, and saw a small smile lift the corner of his mouth.

'They called me in to discuss my marks,' he nodded.

'And?' she smiled.

'They suggested I apply to college. I did great Joey. I got A's in English, history, physics and chem and I got B's in the rest.'

'Pacey,' she wrapped herself around him, pressing kisses to his neck, 'I'm so proud of you. Totally unsurprised and totally happy for you. You wanna go to college?'

'Yeah...I think I might like it. Nothing to lose in applying,' he shrugged.

'That is the best news ever,' she pressed a long, heated kiss to his lips.

'It's all thanks to you,' he told her softly.

'You mean my boob and my willingness to make out?'

'You provided motivation...that I will admit, and I do learn better with that, but I really meant your drive and motivation gave me drive and motivation. I want to be with you, you're studying and thus so am I. I mean I want to be with you...'

'You are with me...' she frowned in amusement.

'No I want there to be no reason we have to be apart,' he attempted.

'I don't understand Pace?'

'You'll be going to college somewhere. Let's face it Jo, that's a fact. I want to be where you are.'

'You are the most gorgeous boy in the world,' she scared herself with her desire driven impulses because then she was kissing him, her hands sneaking between their bodies to get him in the mood and then she was dragging him to the side of the house, into the seclusion of bushes and darkness, pushing at his shorts and boxers and wrapping her lips around him. It scared her that she couldn't get enough of him, that she always wanted him and that she feared she might one day not be enough to keep him. It scared her that Dawson continued to try and drive a wedge between them even if he had little success. It scared her that even though she wasn't ready to have sex, sex seemed to be all she could think about. She loved to bring him to his knees so to speak and as he groaned loudly and tugged at her hair, she took his cock deeper into her mouth, until he began to lose it,

'I'm gonna come,' he always warned her which she loved, even as he came in her mouth.

She slid up his body, pulling up his boxers and shorts and pressed a kiss to his lips. With heavy lidded eyes he dropped to the grass and pulled her into his lap. 'I wanna touch you,' he ran a hand up her top.

'There's fine but I have my period,' she kissed his neck.

'Again?' she heard rather than saw his pout and laughed,

'Every month and if I don't get it, that's not a good thing,' she teased.

'Yeah, yeah,' he grumbled.

'There was a time when we just hugged,' she teased.

'Yeah, last month,' he quipped with exaggerated frustration.

'Come on grumpy. Let's go watch a movie, or some other frivolous waste of time,' she climbed off his lap and pulled him to his feet.

'Thanks...you know for...' he looked down and she smiled,

'When you say nice things sometimes I just have to touch you,' she said and pulled him into the B&amp;B.

* * *

'So do you know what Pacey is planning?' Jen handed Joey another dress from her closet.

'Nope. If I have to wear a "promish" dress then I guess it's something prom like.'

'Are you going to partake in other prom like activities?' Jen quirked a brow at Joey from her closet.

'You mean like get drunk and dance? Probably,' Joey dead panned.

'I was thinking more along the lines of doing it in the backseat of the Witter Wagoneer,' Jen grinned and shielded herself from the cushion a Joey threw across the room. 'Wow, watch the deadly accuracy,' she chided.

'Well...you can't ask stuff like that.'

'Would you rather Bessie ask stuff like that? Cos I promise you she wants to. You and Pacey must be scaring the crap out of her.'

'She took me to the doctors for the pill,' Joey admitted, 'even though I told her we're not doing it.'

'Yeah but she has eyes Joey. Just like me,' Jen pointed out.

'Well are you planning to do it?' Joey asked pointedly.

'Well there's a chance. It's prom!' Jen laughed.

'I'm not ready,' Joey said unconvincingly.

'You're not?' Jen clearly didn't buy it, but Joey realized it was true.

'I probably need a little more time,' she admitted. 'I just don't want it all to go so fast.'

'What the exploration stuff?' Jen had stopped looking for dresses and sat on the end of the bed with an armful.

'It's stupid,' Joey flushed.

'It probably isn't,' Jen encouraged.

'I just... I feel like we're too young...'

'Well it's good to go into prom night knowing how you feel...' Jen said kindly.

'Not too young for sex,' Joey clarified. 'Pacey is great. He's kind, honourable, respectful, funny, glib, interesting, moral, good looking, so, so good looking. He's sexy and amazing at all things intimate...I mean amazing...and we're sixteen,' Joey desperately wanted Jen to understand.

'All those things are good. All those things are exactly what you want in a boyfriend.'

'Yeah at twenty five,' Joey sighed.

'You want a bad boy?' Jen clearly didn't get it.

'No, I want Pacey. But it's too soon. I can't find this perfect guy at sixteen. I mean people get one shot at the right one, the best one. I mean Mr Perfect isn't going to be there for me again and again. I mean once is lucky. I got my Mr Perfect, my right one, I got lucky Jen - _at sixteen_.'

'Oh,' Jen frowned suddenly serious, 'I actually get it. What you're saying. But you know Joey, people do get together and stay together. Even at sixteen.'

'Not often,' Joey shrugged. 'So I'm dragging it out. I want to have sex with him Jen. Gawd do I want to have sex with him. He's so...well amazing...and sexy, unbelievably sexy, but if I rush through all this...then it's all so quick and I worry that the whole thing might be over quickly...and then...'

'Pacey wouldn't finish things because you slept with him,' Jen frowned like she was crazy but Joey just rolled her eyes, 'but you weren't worried about that. This is all more of a superstitious thing?'

'And I'm not even superstitious,' Joey nodded.

'Wow. I just couldn't decide whether I want to or don't, on a what mood am I in kind of way.'

'I know what mood I'm in. Mood isn't the problem,' Joey smiled.

'Well in all likelihood Henry will get lucky,' Jen shrugged.

'So should Pacey?' Joey asked and Jen laughed,

'Oh Joey, no way is that something I can answer. You guys have been dating for what? Four months?'

'Give or take,' Joey shrugged.

'I mean there's too soon - especially for a first time. It is your first time?'

'Yes,' Joey rolled her eyes yet again. 'Well it will be.'

'But you want to?'

'My body does. When we're...you know...doing stuff, I get totally carried away and he's the one that prevents it happening, because he thinks that really I don't want to. When I'm not being carried away by it all.'

'Wow, he loves you,' Jen snickered.

'Well I know. Wouldn't most guys take advantage of the opportunity?'

'Pacey is crazy in love with you and he really doesn't want to fuck up.'

'I'm crazy in love with him. He's not fucking up at all. Pacey's always driven me crazy and now it's in all the right ways.'

'Ha, you're such a gonna,' Jen stated.

'Says you,' Joey rolled her eyes.

'I don't know. I am and I'm not,' Jen admitted. 'I love the idea of Henry and he really is very sweet. Very sweet, but if I'm such a gonna why do we keep having these big issues?'

'Reminds me of Dawson and I,' Joey acknowledged.

'Well yeah. I was gonna say that but I didn't want to offend you. The thing is, you and Dawson were theoretically right. You were best friends, like Henry and I get on really well. You guys were attracted enough to each other and I suppose I find Henry cute. Attractive enough. But for some reason it never works...'

'But you'd sleep with him?' It was an honest question, not judgemental.

'I guess I figure it may never happen but if I'm willing it's not my fault. I've been sure to tell him not to expect it to happen.'

'Should I tell Pacey the same?' Joey frowned.

'Are you sure you won't?'

'I want him more than sex with him. I'll hold off.'

'You so bought into the whole "won't buy the ice cream truck if your giving Popsicles out for free,"' Jen teased and Joey swatted her,

'I'm giving out plenty of Popsicles, just you know...trying to save the Magnum for a while...' she looked at Jen and then they were both giggling.

* * *

Joey couldn't help being nervous as she left Jen's with her makeup done and the dress she was going to wear on the seat beside her. Pacey had said to dress for prom and she took him at his word, but still she was nervous - in a good way. She actually couldn't imagine a better prom than just Pacey and her. She'd put off telling Bessie for a while but had caved and told her that she and Pacey weren't going to the school prom or Dawson's anti-prom, but were spending the evening alone at their own alternate anti-prom. Bessie had shoved about twenty condoms at Joey despite knowing full well she was on the pill. Though mortifying Joey kind of appreciated it, and loved seeing Pacey stutter his way through his thanks for the condoms Bessie shoved his way. Pulling up in front of the B&amp;B Joey headed inside, glad that she'd showered at Jen's and just had to put on the dress and whatever jewellery she chose to wear.

'You're back,' Bessie looked extremely excited.

'Yes,' Joey didn't understand the joy.

'I know where you're going,' Bessie sang.

'He told you!' Joey was desperate to know what Pacey had planned.

'He borrowed a couple of things I wouldn't lend until he spilt the info,' Bessie smirked. 'All I can say is take the condoms because even I'd want to sleep with him...'

'Ewww,' Joey frowned, 'that's an awful picture...'

'Oh ha, you know what I mean...'

'As my older and wiser sister shouldn't you be urging me patience...you know telling me not to rush into things?'

'I've seen you two together...I'd rather urge pregnancy protection...'

'I'm not planning to sleep with him,' Joey muttered.

'Really?' Bessie couldn't hide her incredulity.

'Really,' Joey rolled her eyes, 'now let me go get dressed.'

'And let me go out film in my camera,' Bessie snarked.

* * *

Joey was filled with nervous anticipation, both desperate for Pacey to get there but nervous about what the night would entail. It was stupid really because she'd been telling the truth that a movie and making out would be enough. And it would. Of course she was kind of thrilled that he was apparently putting the effort into making it more than that.

When he finally knocked at the door Bessie glared at her and pounced to answer it,  
'Well don't you look handsome,' she cooed and he did. He looked more than handsome. He looked dashing and gorgeous in tux she was pretty sure was Doug's at some point. Wherever he got it, he wore it well. With his red bow tie he looked amazing and she wanted to throw herself at him. Apparently he liked her boring black dress because he was staring at her with the same heated gaze she was certain she was shooting in his direction. Joey wasn't much for reigning herself in these days and so she stepped up to him and slid her hands inside his jacked and pressed herself up against him.

'You look...nice,' she stared up at him feeling besotted.

'You look...beautiful,' his breathing was heavy, nervous and she smiled at that.

'My sister is going to take photos,' she whispered.

'She already is,' Bessie laughed, 'now out on the porch...and maybe some on the dock.'

'Bessie,' Joey protested,

'Oh forget it Joey, I'm taking my pictures. Bodie would never forgive me and given the way Pacey here is staring at you I'm pretty sure he wouldn't mind a photographic memento.'

'He wouldn't,' Pacey chuckled, and threaded his fingers through hers and pulled her close to his side. 'I'm so pleased I get to spend the evening with you,' he told her as they followed Bessie,

'Well likewise,' she agreed feeling suddenly shy.

'Stop whispering the sweet nothings,' Bessie said snapping pictures of them.

'We're not,' Joey grumbled but flushed.

'You remember our talk?' Bessie turned and fixed Pacey with a vicious glare.

'Yes ma'am,' Pacey nodded.

'Your talk? What talk?' Joey looked between then feeling mortified. Bessie having a talk with Pacey could only be a talk about one thing.

'I just reminded Pacey here that I wasn't born yesterday. When you think he's sneaking in your window he isn't,' Bessie gave them both a proper stare down. 'I let him sneak in because I think he's a good guy.'

'So your talk?' Joey asked as Pacey coiled an arm around her neck and pressed a kiss to her hair,

'I told him he could take you sailing this summer. God knows you've both earned it. But if he puts you in any danger I'll kill him. Quite literally,' Bessie smiled at her sister.

'Really?' Joey couldn't quite believe what she was hearing.

'Yes. We'll be having a proper talk before then but Bodie and I trust you both.'

'Thank you,' Joey wrapped her arms around her sister. 'Seriously Bes. Thank you.'

'Now go give me one posy picture with your boyfriend and then we can go back to the handsy, marginally inappropriate ones.'

'Thank you Bessie,' Joey said agiain but she couldn't believe she'd been given a summers pass. She'd never imagined Bessie would say yes, not in a million years. Then Joey turned to Pacey,

'Where will we go to the washroom? Where will we shower?' suddenly she was panicking.

'Told you she'd freak out,' Bessie shrugged at Pacey. 'Now have fun you guys and be safe,' she gave them both a stern look before heading inside.

'The washroom business is sorted...in a boating way, and the shower thing...well every port has them. And we can swim in the ocean... please don't have second thoughts,' he tugged her close.

'A boat for the summer is very intimate dwellings,' she couldn't help but wonder whether she wanted Pacey privy to all her private stuff. She didn't doubt he loved her but she liked being special in his eyes.

'I'll give you all the space you need,' he chuckled. 'And you can give me mine.'

'Well ok. Now don't we have a prom to get to?'

'That we do,' he grinned. 'Come on then,' he tugged her to his dad's car where he presented her with a lily, 'I almost got a corsage but I decided a lily was more you.'

'Much,' she clutched it to her chest.

'And I'm sorry there's no limo,' he narrowed his eyes and she laughed,

'I'm not much for limos...'

'Well good because I used the money for other stuff,' he grinned and opened her door for her.

'You look really good in a tux,' she stated as he slipped into the seat next to her.

'And you look gorgeous in that dress, but given you look gorgeous in anything and well, in nothing at all, I'm hardly surprised.'

'What else did my sister say in her little talk?' Joey asked shooting him a glance and then taking his hand.

'More shoving of condoms,' he admitted flushing bright red.

'Everyone seems to think we either are or will be sleeping together,' she stated because she didn't want it hanging over the night she'd been so looking forward to.

'We're very...into each other,' he was still red but he gave her a smile and squeezed her hand. 'Are you worried about what people think?'

'Not really,' she answered honestly. 'Only what you think?'

'I think we'll do that when and if we're ready. That might be tonight, next week, next year or never.'

'And you'd be ok if it wasn't tonight?' she asked and he laughed,

'Joey, you're amazing in bed. I love everything we do. I think sex would be great but I'm in no rush. I love everything we're already doing. More of it. Or none if you're not in the mood.'

'So you won't be...I don't know...dissatisfied?' she asked and he laughed,

'Joey - you're crazy woman. Firstly, even if I was dissatisfied, which I'm not, not your problem, my problem. Secondly, have you been there when we're together? Clearly I'm having a very, very good time. You know sex isn't just about that final act of sex, it's about having fun and we have fun. A lot of fun.'

'It is a lot of fun,' she mused.

'Don't feel any pressure because there's none from me.'

'It's not like I don't want to,' she looked at him and he flicked his eyes from the road to smile. 'I mean I think you know that when we're doing _stuff_ together I want to do that more than anything.'

'I have fought gallant battle against your strong legs and insistent hands a few times yes...'

'Why don't you just give in? Let me win. I've tried when we're together to get you inside me,' she squeezed his hand.

'Because we've never spoken about it and I don't ever want to do anything you might regret. I think if you were really ready we'd have spoken about it.'

'You mean like now?' she teased.

'Well yeah, except I think this is us talking about how we don't need to rush it. Am I wrong?' he grinned.

'No. I want to do it but I don't want to rush it. I want to keep enjoying all that we're doing which is all new for me. I guess I worry because it might not all be new for you?' she couldn't help the insecurity.

'I've done some of those things before Joey. Not all of them. And not a lot. And with you it's all new. I am in love with you and totally besotted, so it's all new.'

'What hadn't you done before?' she asked with intrigue. 'I mean you're so good at everything I figured it was all old hat.'

'Old hat?' he chuckled.

'Haha.'

'Ok...going down on you was all new,' he shrugged, his eyes dark, 'And oh so fun.'

'Really?' she frowned with surprise.

'You don't believe me?'

'Of course I believe you. I'm just impressed I guess,' she felt her pulse rate speed up just thinking over it.

'Well your blow job was pretty awesome. You done that before?' he gave her a look.

'You know I hadn't,' she rolled her eyes. 'What else?'

'The um..naked... you know... not having sex thing...' his voice was low and gravelly and caused a swooping sensation in her belly.

'Hmmm,' she murmured.

'The...you know...acting like we're having sex but with our clothes in the way... If you have sex you kinda skip that.'

'That bit's pretty fun,' she nodded.

'Oh it's awesome,' he agreed. 'Not having sex makes you focus on all the other fun stuff. Sex is good, but once you have sex you tend to have sex.'

'So we're ok as we are?'

'For me, we're amazing,' he agreed.

'Are we totally crass to spend our whole journey to prom talking about sex?' she asked and he laughed,

'Oh I think there will be many of our peers at both proms discussing sex related matters this evening.'

'And having it?' she asked and he laughed,

'Yeah...but seriously Jo, sex on prom is so cliche...'

'Haha,' she rolled her eyes.

'Seriously...doing it because it's tradition...let's do something different...' he was so enthusiastic that she softened and all feelings of concern that he might be disappointed completely evaporated.

'Like what?' she asked with a smile.

'Hmmm, I'd love a repeat of Aunt Gwen's...and you know, my celebration...' he parked up and unplugging turned to her and took her hands.

'Yeah?' she laughed.

'Yeah...I think over those two nights a lot...' he gave her eyes, eyes full of wicked intent.

'But that's all about me,' she laughed again.

'That's not true and even if it was, so what?' he pressed hot kisses to her neck.

'What do you get out of that?' she asked seriously.

'Hmmm, your smell, the way you taste, watching you come, having you trust me...I love it,' his kisses were getting noticeably more engrossed.

'Well we'll see,' she told him, 'though Pace, normally people wait to the end of the prom...' she pushed his lips from her neck and gave him a pointed look.

'Nah, really?' he asked with a causal shrug, 'I'm sure I've heard all sorts of stories of people not even making it to prom...'

'Well sure...we don't have to make it,' she teased.

'We're making it,' he frowned but kissed her long and hard on the mouth before pulling back with resolve. 'Ok,' with a nod of determination and jumped out of the car, sliding across the hood to reach her door before she could open her door.

'Risky move in your fancy threads,' she teased.

'This old thing? I just had it hanging around,' he teased as he took her hand and locked the car. 'Now I hope you're not going to be disappointed...'

'That we're going to your boat?' she asked with a smile.

'Yeah,' he wrinkled his nose looking adorably hopeful.

'Our own space with no adults, no teachers, no judgemental friends, in a beautiful setting? No Pace, I don't mind.'

'Good,' he grinned, 'I just hope all is as I left it,' and then she saw what he meant. The rigging of True Love had been strung with lights, as had the inside apparently. All around the deck were lit candles in old jam jars. The effect was magical. Especially with a table laid for a meal.

'Wow,' she actually couldn't find words. 'This is...it's amazing,' she stared at the scene before her. 'How?'

'You really wanna know how?' he asked with amusement and she nodded somewhat dumbly, looking at the flowers. 'Yeah you're you, that figures,' he teased. 'I saved money for prom when...well you know, when I thought there might be a you and me. I used it to buy a small generator second hand, and the lights came from Bessie. I went through the neighbours recycling for the jars. Doesn't hurt that my mom had a stash in the basement. Flowers...well the fancy florist sells dead and dying flowers off. She was about to throw out the ones she couldn't sell when I went in for your lily.'

'Which I love,' she whispered.

'Well come on then doll,' he held out his arm and she linked her's through it.

* * *

Joey was full of the delicious risotto Pacey had somehow made to utter perfection, and the lemon tarte that was also Insanely delicious. When she'd asked where he got the wine he'd winked and said he had to have secrets. It was all very classy, especially with the old tape deck of Dougy's that he had playing a mixed tape _he'd made her_, full of old school alternative and rock songs, apparently "something she'd like and something to educate her."

'You should forget college Pace and just head to chef school,' she moaned softly as she ate her lady piece of tarte.

'I'm thinking of applying to a couple,' he grinned.

'You should,' she enthused. 'I can't say you need it, not from what I've eaten but I'm sure there's a whole other world of food that unworldly, diner wench me knows nothing about.'

'Probably, though I tend to think simple is best.'

'Hmmm, I agree,' she nodded. 'So, I've been meaning to ask you something all night, Pacey,' she reached across and took his hand. 'I know there's limited space, but would you like to dance with me?'

**'**Yes,' he answered simply with a big smile, and they entangled themselves together on the limited level decking, 'oh man, how come this feels so right?'

**'**Maybe it was those dance lessons,' she smiled up at him.

'I meant you and me, not the dancing,' he chuckled, 'we're still not great at that.'

'True,' she winced as his foot landed on her toes.

'Sorry,' his hands roamed her back, her shoulders, every bit of her he could touch, he did.

'I do know what you mean,' she admitted and he pressed a kiss to her lips.

**'**Where'd you get those,' his hand had found her lobes. 'They're not very you,' it wasn't a criticism, or it didn't feel like one.

**'**Why because I'm some poor tomboy?' she arched her brows in amusement. 'Jen talked me into them. They're real diamonds.'

**'**See this?' Pacey trailed his hand down her arm, catching hold of her wrist, 'This is you. It's not showy or gaudy. It's just simple, elegant, beautiful.'

**'**It's my mom's bracelet,' she murmured, surprised. She'd wanted a little something of her mother's for some reason.

'I know,' he smiled softly and kissed her again.

'Wait,' she pushed him back, 'How do you know that?' No one knew that.

**'**Well, because you told me, six months ago. You were wearing that blue sweater with the snowflakes, that you have. We were walking down the hallways at school, I was annoying you as per usual and you said "Look Pacey I just found my mother's bracelet this morning, so why don't you cut me some slack."

**'**You remember that?' she couldn't believe he remembered stuff like that, stuff she said and thought,

'I remember everything,' he shrugged and she knew he meant about her, not in life in general, but about her because he loved her. It felt like a relief to know that he loved her that much, because she was terrified by her feelings for him. Not knowing what to say she kissed him,

'Can we go make out?' she asked feeling a little crass especially considering how romantic the evening had been. Pacey chuckled and nodded,

'Yeah,' he agreed.

'I'm sorry, this has all been amazing. You're amazing! You do all this, cook that amazing meal, make me a mix tape, say amazing things...I just feel like I should have done something...'

'This was my night. You can do senior prom,' he winked.

'Deal,' she stuck out her hand and he shook it laughing. 'Now kissing in private,' she pleaded undoing his shirt buttons and pushing her hands onto his warm skin.

'Well we have part two of prom,' he told her seriously.

'There's more?' she pressed her head to his chest and breathed deeply.

'Of course mon cherie,' he walked backwards down the small steps and she looked around the cabin. There were white twinkling lights everywhere, making it intimate and special, and the mattress had a duvet and pillows all made up in new sheets.

'Are you sure you weren't expecting sex?' she teased.

'There's no condom on your pillow, I assure you,' he rolled his eyes and she giggled, 'actually this is for the slumber party. Bessie gave me the ok for you to stay with me on the boat tonight, if you want of course...'

'Wow, she really likes you,' Joey interrupted surprised.

'She does,' he nodded.

'And slumber party?'

'Proper bonafide slumber party,' he nodded. 'We have pyjama's,' he handed her a bag, 'I got these funny little wipe things for removing makeup,' he handed them to her, 'I mean I don't know, Jen told me...'

'Wow,' she stared at all he was handing her, smiling widely,

'I got you some nice new slippers,' he handed her a pair of ludicrous bunny slippers,

'Wow thanks,' she laughed again,

'And the toilet is now properly fixed and working but you can use the boathouse one if you want. I'm more than happy to walk you, though as you are my summer captive on this boat I suggest you try the toilet on board.'

'You got me a toilet?' she asked faintly.

'I'm sorry,' he offered up with scrunched eyebrows.

'I think that's the most romantic thing ever,' she wrapped a hand around his neck and stared at him.

'Well I figured...' he began but she interrupted him with a finger to his lips,

'Buying the thing is romantic, talking about it - less so,' she trailed her finger across his lips.

'Ok,' he nodded but his eyes were fixed on hers.

'Now I think I'd like to change,' she gave him a sultry look, and turned in his arms, 'do you mind unzipping me?'

'Hmmm...no,' he breathed on her neck, his breath lifting the tiny hairs there and making her shiver in a really, _really_ good way. She felt the tip of his thumb trail down her spine as he undid the zip. Looking at him over her shoulder she carefully slipped the sleeves over her shoulders until the entire thing was pooled at her feet. She turned her head away from him again and with his reaction to her not visible her heart was racing, her whole body thrumming with anticipation. For the longest time he didn't touch her and she began to worry,

'Are you ok?' she didn't dare face him lest his answer not be in the affirmative.

'I can't take a picture of you like this so I'm just fixing you in my mind. Every single bit,' she felt his hands ghost over her behind, touching the black cotton and lace, then up her spine again, 'I don't think you realize quite how beautiful you are and as I'll probably remember this moment my whole life, I wanted it fixed very firmly in my head in all its spectacular glory.'

'Pacey,' she was constantly surprised by him, constantly at a loss for words.

'And now I'm gonna kiss you senseless because seriously woman,' he caught her hand and spun her round and then he was kissing her, kissing her with an urgency that had her gasping. It turned her on. She hadn't realized how much his desire turned her on and on top of how much she was attracted to him in general she felt somewhat pathetic because despite everything they'd discussed she wanted to strip him naked, have him strip her naked and have him push into her, to fill that gap that had her aching at times, so strong was her need. Apparently Pacey had similar ideas and he helped her pushy hands rid him of his jacket. Her fingers fumbled over his bow tie, and then stumbled over his shirt buttons. She didn't have the patience for the rest of his them and she yanked it apart until he was stood in just his pants still kissing her as though it would kill him to stop. Without a seconds hesitation she unbuckled his pants and pushed them down, as he kicked off his shoes and toed off his socks, 'Bed...please...' his words were needy, breathed into kisses and she felt them too, allowing his arms to slink around her and practically throw them both together onto the bed.

'Oh,' she was no longer embarrassed by the noises she made, not when he lay on top of her and moved his hips against her in such a skilled way that she couldn't help but imagine how it might feel without clothes and with his body a little lower.

'I love to kiss you,' he slid down her body, his lips claiming her chest from his hands as he sucked lace into warm kisses, wreaking havoc with the skin below,

'Pacey,' she moaned his name but he was then between her legs, his breath warm against her as he kissed her through the material in the way.

'Please,' he begged.

'Yes,' she lifted her hips as his fingers tugged at her panties and he peeled them only a little ways down her legs before he could apparently resist no longer because he pushed his tongue inside her. Her hips lifted off the bed and she cried out, but he did it again, his hand splaying across her stomach as his thumb worked it's magic on her clit. It felt so good she thought it might actually be too much, not that she was sure what could possibly happen to someone quite literally in the throws of passion. She discovered that with both his hand and his mouth on her he could make her come quickly, that he could give her an orgasm so long that with his refusal to quit he could make her come again almost instantly. She also discovered that food, wine and two orgasms practically simultaneously made her ridiculously sleepy. Her whole body sinking into the bed and she felt him kiss her and then tug her panties back up until she was somehow lying in his arms utterly spent.

'Nice?' he asked and she thought that had to be the most ridiculous question he'd ever asked,

'It was ok,' she responded on a breath and he laughed which made her laugh which was why she loved him. 'Give me a minute...I want to...you know...'

'I'm good Jo,' he pressed a kiss to her hair.

'I want to...'

'You don't have to,' he insisted and she frowned getting a look of determination on her face,

'I want to,' she fixed him with a stern look and broke free of his arms and pushing him on his back before pushing his boxers aside and wrapping both her hand and mouth around him. She liked the feel of him in her mouth, the smoothness of the skin, the knowledge that as long as she licked, kissed and sucked he loved it. She loved to see him throw back his head, to groan without even realizing he was doing it and she especially loved how right before he'd come he'd lose control a little, his hips jerking him further into her mouth. She even loved the feel of his come in her mouth. She quite simply loved him.

'Joey,' he groaned louder and his hips thrust up just like she now knew they would and then his hands were gripping her hair and she was swallowing. Smiling to herself, she moved back into his arms.

'I love you,' he squeezed her right against him, 'and I really don't want you to put on pyjamas.'

'I won't. But I am putting on my new slippers,' she gave him a look and shoved each foot into a ridiculous bunny loving his easy laugh.

'That is an awesome look. Now I'm gonna get the popcorn, Jack's laptop and we can watch a DVD and snuggle.'

'A movie?' she smiled.

'You said a movie and making out was what you were happy doing for prom. Dinner and dancing was my bit and now your bit,' he wrinkled his nose at her, and stood up pulling his boxers back on properly and grabbing Jacks laptop and a bag of dvd's he'd borrowed.

'This is the best night ever,' she told him. 'I mean it.'

'Beats regular prom,' he plumped their cushions and pulled her against him.

'Beats alternate prom,' she concurred.

'You're not even a little disappointed to miss that landmark occasion?' he looked down at her.

'Not at all. I bet we've had a better night than any of the others.'

'So now for the really important decisions... do you wanna watch _Titanic_, _Romeo and Juliet_ or um... _Pretty Woman_?'

'Those are our choices?' she giggled, 'not very you Pace.'

'Well these are all the selection I could get from Jack and Jen.'

'Well not _Pretty Women_,' she took that one and shoved it on the floor.

'What did that movie do to you?' he asked with a frown.

'When you were moronically not kissing me I figured it might be a Pretty Woman thing...you know, kissing was too intimate,' she shrugged.

'Ha, that's pretty funny.'

'Not for me it wasn't,' she rolled her eyes.

'So what's it going to be then gorgeous?' he waggled _Titanic_ and _Romeo and Juliet _at her and she pointed to the latter. 'Good choice, good choice,' he loaded it in and then lay back on the bed with her. 'You know you look irresistibly adorable in your sexy underwear and those bunny slippers?' he asked hugging her close.

'I can put on my pjs if you're going to tease...' she warned.

'I'm not joking,' he told her and his voice was serious suddenly. 'I love you Joey,' he pressed a kiss to her forehead and turned to the movie his fingers trailing up and down the skin on her shoulder. She wanted to say it back but she was hesitating for some reason. Maybe because his admittance and her lack of admittance gave her some sort of reassurance that the whole thing wouldn't just end. It wouldn't end because he would think he wanted her more, not the other way around. Though she felt awful after he'd organized her such a lovely evening, such a romantic evening and she felt the words just screaming to get out. She did love him, probably more than he loved her and so she squashed them down, and instead of saying them turned in his arms and kissed him.


	12. Chapter 12

**Ok, so this final part of season three is getting longer and longer, so here is part one:-) or part one of part one...**

**Thank you so much everyone for your reviews - especially the regulars, and for your PM's T80. I appreciate it and have needed it and have tackled writing with renewed enthusiasm each time I get one. So yo****u g****uys keep it up and I'll keep it up!**

**This would have been longer but it would only load up a paragraph at a time. So frustrating! I'll post the second half as soon as I can. It's done...but the site refuses to safe any stuff I paste now...**

**Thanks, Tab:-)**

**Chapter 12**

The quiet knock at the B&amp;B door took Joey by surprise. She'd been enjoying a couple of quiet hours reading some book Pacey had recommended. Pacey's taste differed from hers quite a bit but they'd agreed to each bring a selection along for the summer. She was planning on bringing a few classics. If the book she'd just read was any indication then Pacey was planning on bringing philosophical science fiction.

The B&amp;B was quiet. They had a couple of guests checking in later and she thought it might be an early arrival. Whoever it was banged on the door again and she shifted off the couch and made her way through the sun filled dining room and kitchen to open the door.

'Jen,' she gave her friend a broad smile. 'How are you?'

'I'm ok,' Jen shrugged.

'Have you heard from Henry?'

'Not exactly, no.'

'Do you want to talk about Henry?' Joey asked.

'Not exactly, no,' Jen smiled and the two girls sank onto the porch swing seat. 'I think, suffice to say your alternate anti-prom beat the anti-prom hands down.'

'It was rather wonderful,' Joey stared at the creek a ridiculously dreamy expression on her face.

'Ugh, look at you,' Jen teased. 'So I have news...'

'Do tell,' Joey switched her attention from the sun sparkling water to Jen.

'Jack and I are gonna meet you and Pace in Key West.'

'You are?' Joey grinned, her complete surprise evident. 'I mean we asked and you both seemed so uncertain...'

'We're gonna drive down in Jacks car.'

'So it's good we booked the Sugarloaf campground?'

'Yes!' Jen nodded.

'Pacey and I decided that if you guys came along we'd camp that bit with you. As the boat is there we can always head there if we need...you know space...'

'Kinky space,' Jen smirked.

'Stop calling it that,' Joey protested though her heart clearly wasn't in it.

'I know, I know, you're both in love, but seriously the inside of that boat is kinky space.'

'We do other stuff down there you know,' Joey muttered and Jen giggled,

'Hmmm, like what?'

'Talk,' Joey rolled her eyes, 'read together, watch movies...'

'Get each other off...'

'Jen,' Joey flushed.

'Come on Joey, we talk about this stuff now,' Jen smiled.

'Yeah ok, a lot of that too,' Joey conceded.

'So, you're glad we're coming?'

'I am so glad!' Joey hugged her friend, 'it'll be like a vacation within a vacation. Pace and I are going to have to odd job it all the way down. Apparently I have fish in my future.'

'And a shower I hope,' Jen winked.

'Haha, yeah I hope,' Joey nodded. 'Anyway, we'll plan not to work those two weeks. You are coming for two weeks?'

'Two weeks yeah. We'll be there last week of June and stay through the Fourth of July.'

'Does Dawson know our plan?' Joey winced at the question internally because in many ways she didn't want to know the answer.

'Well no. Not exactly. I think you may need to tell him.'

* * *

Joey had just finished getting ready for bed when there was a knock at her bedroom door.

'Come in,' she called and couldn't help her smile at the sight of Pacey on the other side.

'And how's my beautiful girl?' he asked returning her smile with an equally big one of his own.

'Pacey,' she was almost embarrassed at how pleased she was to see him as she flung herself into his warm embrace. 'I thought I wouldn't see you today. Are you done helping Doug move?'

'Oh so done. If I have to sort another diva from a stage soundtrack I may cry.'

'Aah, my poor baby,' she wrapped a hand around his jaw and kissed him.

'Seriously, you'd think that because you're helping the guy out he might show just a modicum of appreciation, but he's far more concerned with where things are going, how you're carrying that box of books, that throw cushion...oh man is he pedantic.'

'How come you're here? At ten?'

'Because I had to see you of course,' he gave her a big smile and kissed her again.

'All fine, but you normally use the window,' she gave him a coy look, 'so Bes doesn't know you're here...'

'But she does know. She made me well aware that she knows and you aware that she knows...' Pacey kicked off his shoes and flopped onto her bed opening his arms.

'But what if she...you know...listens?' she frowned. 'I mean I can be loud. You can be loud...'

'You're assuming I'm here for kinky stuff,' he gave her an even wider grin.

'You always want kinky stuff,' she pointed out.

'I think the wanting of the kinky stuff is a pretty mutual thing,' he gave her a pointed look.

'Well ok,' she admitted with a roll of her eyes and a crooked smile. 'Are you staying?'

'If that's ok?' he still had his arms open for her and so she crawled across the bed and into them, resting her head on his chest and breathing out a sigh of relief.

'I'm glad you came over,' she leaned on her elbow and looked at him, her teeth worrying her bottom lip.

'Say what you need to say Jo,' he told her, 'I can tell you got something tearing to get out.'

'Jen and Jack are meeting us in Key West,' she told him.

'Well that's awesome,' he smiled, 'like a vacation in a vacation.'

'That's what I said,' she giggled. 'So that's the good bit.'

'And the bad bit?' he frowned.

'You wanna make out before or after?'

'It's that bad?' his whole face lost animation.

'I need to talk to Dawson. I need to tell him we're leaving.'

'That's not so bad,' he narrowed his eyes, 'Or is it?'

'I think...well I think we should ask him to meet us in Key West,' she bit her lip again and pressed her face into his chest.

'Huh?' he sounded confused and horrified - he couldn't hide the horrified.

'He's our friend Pacey. Or he's supposed to be. If we are committed to that friendship, to mending it then we have to give a little, to invite him in. We are very into each other and Jack and Jen are easy because neither of us have any kind of history with them. But Andie and Dawson, we're pushing them out Pacey.'

'Ok,' he said it calmly and she looked at him, his face serious. 'You're right. I hate the idea of having him there, of having him glaring at us from the corner angry and hurt, making you feel guilty, making me feel guilty, but you're right. We have to ask.'

'You hope he says no,' she nodded unsure what to think, what to feel.

'Don't you?' he was clearly surprised and perhaps a little put out.

'Yes and no,' she admitted, 'I mean when I imagine it being just the four of us I can imagine it being fun. Really fun and relaxed. You and I can be ourselves. We could sneak off to the boat and Jen and Jack would know exactly why and they'd tease us but they wouldn't judge us.'

'And with Dawson there? Or Andie? Or both?' he asked.

'Well it wouldn't be fun, would it?' she shrugged helplessly, 'but we'd have made the effort. I said I wouldn't choose and for that to be true, well I have to ask him. We have to ask him.'

'Ok,' he nodded.

'Do you hate me?' she asked even though she knew he didn't hate her, more that he might be upset with her.

'I love you and I want you happy. Should we ask together or do you want to do it? Or I can...up to you.'

'I'll ask,' she nodded. 'Thank you Pace,' she burrowed against him but she found him fairly unresponsive, his mind clearly whirling and his body tense. 'I ruined your good mood,' she stated.

'It's fine Jo, don't worry,' he told her but his hug was loose and he was staring at the wall.

'Can I kiss you?' she asked because she couldn't get a clear read on him.

'Of course,' he nodded but when she pressed her lips to his and kissed him but he was holding back. He kissed her back but after a minute or so ended the kiss. 'I'm pretty beat...I can go home if you want to stay up?' he wasn't looking at her and she wondered what was going through his head.

'Don't go, please don't go,' she pushed a hand under his shirt and onto his stomach, literally holding him to her.

'Ok I'll stay,' he gave a soft chuckle.

'I'm sorry,' she whispered.

'Shh, it's ok, you've got nothing to be sorry for,' he told her, a hand stroking her hair. She pressed her ear to his chest listening to the thump of his heart. Despite what he said she knew he was upset and knew that it was her fault.

* * *

Pacey was gone the next morning when Joey finally woke up. She wasn't surprised because he had a dentist appointment early and she had spent a sleepless night worrying, only to fall asleep in the early hours of the morning. Sighing she looked to her bedside table and sure enough there was a note there,

_See you later at the dock with the others. Have a good day. I love you, Pacey xxx_

She held the note to her chest, feeling her whole stomach turn over with nerves. Nerves that she was messing up with Pacey and nerves about talking to Dawson. All she really wanted was her safe space, was for her boyfriend to make it all feel ok again but he was currently one of the issues disturbing her. With a sigh she headed through the shower, brushed her teeth and left without breakfast hoping to make it to class on time without Pacey's usual help.

* * *

'Dawson,' she saw him by his locker and decided she'd rather talk to him at school than in private, hoped he'd be more reasonable. 'How are you?'

'Me?' he looked surprised, surprised she'd sought him out. 'I'm ok. You?'

'I'm good thanks. Just wondering what your plans are for the summer?'

'I'm going to be here Joey,' he gave her a tight smile as if she were asking a stupid question. 'You must have heard my parents are getting remarried?'

'Yes, Bessie told me last night. I'm really happy for you. That's really wonderful,' she gave him a big, sincere smile, hoping he was able to tell how genuinely happy she was for him.

'My mom was thinking of asking you to be her maid of honour...I said I wasn't sure you'd do it...'

'If that's what your mom truly wants of course I would,' Joey couldn't deny that it made her feel warm inside to hear that.

'Of course she does. I'll tell her to call you.'

'Is there time? I mean when is the wedding?'

'Why are you going somewhere?' Dawson frowned as he shut his locker.

'I thought you may have heard - Pacey and I are sailing down the coast...'

'You're what?' Dawson couldn't hide his incredulity, his horror.

'In his boat,' she added as if that weren't obvious. 'We leave next Sunday.'

'I thought we were friends,' he stated dumbly.

'We are,' she insisted.

'So why are you only just telling me?' he glared.

'I thought you'd be upset...I just...'

'You just think about Pacey these days,' he growled.

'That's not true Dawson. I wanted to ask you...I mean Jack and Jen, they're driving down and meeting us in Key West...we've got a camp spot and a berth for the boat. Jack's borrowing his dad's tent and we're all going to camp together for a couple of weeks. We wanted to know if you'd like to come?'

'You mean as an afterthought?' he asked.

'Not as an afterthought Dawson. Jen and Jack only decided to come yesterday. You're our friend.'

'You think I want to share a tent with you and Pacey? It's no secret he's been spending the night at the B&amp;B, that the two of you spent prom night on his boat. You think I don't know what that means?' he was getting het up, his voice rising, 'I'm not stupid Joey.'

'It doesn't always mean what you think it does Dawson. And even if it did. I'm still the same person, so is he...'

'No, no you're not. I can barely recognize you anymore. I can't even stand to look at you.'

'Because I'm with him?' she was getting angry too.

'Because of what I know you're doing when you're with him,' Dawson spat.

'Dawson the only people to know what Pacey and I do together are Pacey and I,' her hands were on her hips and she was vaguely aware that people were staring at the two of them. 'And what's more, it's none of your business, or anyone else's.'

'But won't it be my business if I have to share a tent with the two of you? In what world do you think that's going to work?'

'He and I could sleep on the boat,' she offered, still angry.

'God Joey that's worse. Don't you see that?'

'I'm trying Dawson. I really am but it seems the only way you want to be my friend is if I'm exclusively yours.'

'We all know that you're entirely, exclusively Pacey's. That doesn't leave much for your other friends,' Dawson was losing it and she didn't want more of a scene.

'That's ridiculous. I see Jen and Jack all he time because they don't have some vindictive vengeance against my boyfriend. What is so wrong with Pacey and I? He was your best friend, you know he has a lot of redeeming qualities.'

'The guy is a back stabber,' Dawson pointed at her, emphasizing his point. 'He went after you when he knew how I felt. He seduces you knowing how that will make me feel. He stole you from me. He doesn't have any redeeming qualities.'

'For the last time I didn't belong to you. He didn't steal me, I went of my own free will. You may have had some feelings but we were not together and weren't going to be. Would you rather we were both miserable? Would that be any better?'

'Yes,' he stated and the huffed, 'I don't want you miserable. I want you to be happy with me,' he attempted as the bell rang.

'Think over the invitation,' she said and stalked off.

* * *

Joey hadn't seen Pacey at school and when she'd called his house he wasn't there. The sick feeling in her stomach had intensified to a kind of dread. She'd headed to the boat after his house and he wasn't there either. She began to fear she might be missing him the whole time. In the end she decided to head home in the hopes that he would come to see her as normal. However on her way past her wall she saw him sat on the gravel, staring at the blank wall, much as she had done on many an occasion.

'I've been looking for you all over,' she knelt behind him and wrapped her arms around his shoulders pressing a kiss to his neck, ignoring the pain of the gravel on her knees.

'Hey,' he murmured and he put a hand on hers but didn't turn to kiss her.

'You ok?'

'Just thinking. The lease is almost up, would you like me to renew it?' he asked. She shifted off her knees and sat beside him, taking his hand in hers and holding it in her lap.

'I just want to paint the right thing,' she said. 'I think staring at this wall has given me an awful lot.'

'I know what you mean. It's a nice space to sit and think,' he stared at the ground.

'What have you been thinking about?'

'Us,' he admitted.

'Pacey,' her whole heart hurt at his tone, at the potential insinuation.

'I'm not going anywhere Jo, don't panic,' he looked away from the ground and at her, his eyes sad and his face uncharacteristically serious.

'Then what's the matter? I thought we were good. Is this about Dawson? I mean it was all good until we spoke yesterday. I thought you were ok with it. That you thought it was a good idea?' she could feel her heart pounding with fear, the anxiety in her voice.

'I am ok with it. It was a good idea. I want things fixed just like you,' he admitted and she couldn't stand it any longer, so despite the fact that they were in the middle of town, despite the fact that something was clearly wrong she looked at him and pleaded,

'Please Pacey...' he seemed to understand what she needed and he opened his arms allowing her to slide onto his lap and into his embrace. 'I'll do anything...please don't end this...'

'I told you I'm not going anywhere Jo and I mean it. I love you,' he said it and there was a long, pregnant pause. 'I love you and you see that's it. I thought you loved me...I did...there were things you said that indicated that was how you felt. I heard it in the way you spoke to me, how you are with me, but then you never said it. I say it to you and you never say it back and I was all like, come on Pace, be patient...this is all new and it's Joey Potter and you know Joey and her little quirks, she won't find it easy to open up and so I was ok with it. I've been ok with it. Everything has been so good. My life is...well it's something I didn't even dare dream it might be. But if you don't love me? Well as long as you want me, I'm yours. You don't have to love me. But I know you love him... I just...I guess I want you to love me too. And I am ok if you don't, but it gets harder because I know you love him and...' he trailed off and waited. She wanted to say it to him. She knew for a fact that she loved him, that she was crazy in love with him. She knew that the reason she didn't say it, was nothing to do with not loving him. She was even mostly convinced that she loved him even more than he loved her. She was pretty certain she'd do anything for him.

'Pacey,' she could hear her hesitation so he must be able to as well.

'You don't have to say it. I'm not into forcing you to say something that isn't true. I guess I just hoped and then with that conversation yesterday I began to worry...worry over what he has that I don't...I feel like I have you, but only temporarily...'

'Pacey,' she began again, trying to improve her tone but it was useless because she was weak, she wasn't brave and she couldn't say it because once he knew, knew how much she loved him perhaps...well she didn't know what but she feared it. It was perhaps the feeling she had that Pacey loved her so very much. This feeling that if he loved her more, or thought he did, then he wouldn't leave her. She wasn't sure why she was so certain he would leave her, just that everyone she loved did.

'It's ok,' he sniffed and pulled his arms from around her, 'I'm gonna...head home and you know...get an early night...'

'Pacey,' she hated herself, hated that she couldn't seem to say more than his name.

'It's ok, really,' he pressed a kiss to her forehead and then he was gone. Feeling utterly dejected she curled her arms around her leg and let the ground absorb her tears. She knew she had to do better, but she wasn't good at putting herself out there.

* * *

'What's the matter?' Jen asked the second she opened the door.

'Pacey and I had a fight,' Joey stated, hating the fresh tears that sprung to her eyes.

'Oh hey, it's ok,' Jen wrapped her in a hug. It was nice but it didn't do what Pacey's hugs did. 'Come sit out here,' she led Joey to the swing seat on the deck. 'What happened?'

'He came over last night and we talked about inviting Dawson on the camping part of the trip...like you and I talked about. He said it was a food idea but then he went all quiet and left.'

'So maybe not as ok as he said?' Jen asked.

'I don't know. I didn't see him all day. I found him at my wall and he was all somber. I hate him sad, it's horrible. He was talking about how he loves me and I don't love him back...and I do, but I couldn't say it...and he just, he thinks I love Dawson and not him and that he's waiting...I don't know, for me to go back to Dawson.'

'You're going to have to be brave Joey,' Jen told her firmly. 'I understand but it's not fair.'

'I know,' Joey pressed her face into her hands. 'I feel like I keep messing everything up. Dawson hates me because he knows how much I love Pacey and Pacey is all hurt and sad because he thinks I love Dawson and not him.'

'Do you love Dawson?' Jen asked.

'Well in a way, but I'm not in love with him. He's one of my best friends,' Joey explained and Jen nodded.

'So tell Pacey. Say the words.'

'I tried. I wanted to but I just kept saying his name like some useless person. Why won't the words come out?'

'Have you ever said them to anyone?' Jen asked astutely.

'Not to a boy. I said them to my mom before she died. I've said them to Dawson about Pacey. I love him. See I've said them to you.'

'But you haven't said "I love you" in years,' Jen pointed out and Joey nodded.

'Is that why it's so hard?'

'You loved your mom and dad Joey and they left. You told them how much and they left. That has left an impact on me and I bet it's left one on you. I don't say those words either - those words make you vulnerable.'

'I need to say it Jen. I can't stand myself and I can't stand hurting him. He's vulnerable and I need to be as well.'

'Hmmm,' Jen stared out at the creek. 'Agreed.'

'Ok so I have an idea...' Joey said at length.


	13. Chapter 13

**Hey all,**

**Sorry about the half a chapter, it was all so frustrating. Here is the other half of yesterday's chapter!**

**Thanks for the reviews guys! Keep it up;-) please...**

**Thanks, Tab:-)**

**Chapter 13**

Joey approached Pacey's house in the dark thinking of all the things that occured. She'd enacted the plan she'd come up with when talking to Jen, spoken to Mrs Leery who'd insisted she wanted her as bridesmaid even though she and Dawson were barely on speaking terms. Dawson had even called her and told her he was pleased she would do that for his mom. He made no mention of her offer to meet them in Key West. Tripping over a rock Joey cursed softly. She hated big houses, well houses bigger than hers and only hoped Pacey's dad was either in bed or drunk enough that he didn't hear her sneaking in. The door creaked but no one called out. The entire house was silent and in darkness. She tiptoed past the living room, and although the sheriffs head was visible above the back of "his chair", his snore was audible, so she continued up the stairs and as quietly as she could opened Pacey's door.

His room was filled with moonlight, let in by his inadequate curtains and she stared at him lying in his bed. His covers discarded due to the heat of the night, his hair still damp from his showers, and dressed in just his boxers and an old wife beater. He looked gorgeous. Younger than he did when he was awake, beautiful, this beautiful boy. She didn't know whether to wake him, or strip off her clothes and crawl into bed with him. At length she went for the latter and removed everything, picking up the tshirt he'd worn earlier in the day and pulling it over her head. It smelt divine, just like him. After one more indulgent look at him she lifted the edge of the cover and slipped into his narrow bed, curling her arms around him and pressing her body as close to him as humanly possible.

'Joey?' his voice was croaky with sleep.

'I want to show you something in the morning,' she whispered kissing his face, kissing all over it - his forehead, his eyebrows, his eyelids, cheeks, nose, chin, lips. 'It's important.'

'You snuck all the way here to tell me that?' he smiled at her, a sleepy, affectionate smile.

'I painted my wall,' she pressed a kiss to the lobe of his ear, the words a whisper on her breath.

'Really?' he seemed so surprised, his hands finding purchase on her waist under the tshirt of his tthat she wore.

'Hmmm, I painted it for you,' she told him whilst kissing him, quickly entangling her tongue with his, loving the deep rumbling groan that was swallowed as his mouth claimed hers, the kiss becoming less languid, becoming harder and needier.

'I want to go now,' he moaned as her hand caught hold of his hard length through his boxers.

'Not now,' she rolled on top him, a knee on either side of his hips, her chest pressed to his, the naked heat between her legs pressing down against him.

'Joey,' he growled her name and thrust his hips against hers. She pulled her chest away from his until she was sitting on him. She wriggled a little and he moaned softly. Without hesitation she peeled off the tshirt. 'Fuck,' he cursed, his hands moving to cup her boobs, his thumbs brushing the nipples as she rocked against him.

'Take this off,' she told him pushing at his tank, and after less than a second he was peeling it off. For a second she looked at him lying beneath her and it occurred to her that it was Pacey, this boy from her childhood, this person who alternately comforted and tormented her throughout her life and she was kneeling on him completely naked, his hard cock pressing exquisitely between her legs, his hands on her hips and this look in his eyes, a look that said he was the luckiest guy in the universe. She lay herself onto his chest and squeezed him as tight as she could, pressing kisses everywhere, extreme affection just bubbling over. Then she was sitting back up and lifting herself off of him before she pushed at his boxers, pushing them far enough down his legs that he could toe them off. Except he didn't.

'Joey,' he groaned, his hand sliding between her legs, grazing the wetness before he pushed a finger inside of her. She moaned and let him push a second inside and push them in and out of her a few times, his thumb on her clit. It felt amazing, but she pushed his hand out of her and met his eyes that looked confused and a little anxious. She wiped away both those feelings with a heated kiss, and she took hold of his cock and rubbed it against herself. Her whole body felt it and she desperately wanted to push down on top of him, to drive her body hard onto his. 'Oh fuck,' his voice was so deep and his hands were gripping her hips as she pushed the tip of his cock against her clit, then rubbed it all the way along herself until it was resting right where she wanted it to go. She knew she could come if she kept doing it, it felt so good, her whole body ached with desire and the area between her legs was beating wildly, almost painfully. She moved him over herself again and again, pressing him hard against her clit before sliding him back to her slick entrance.

'I want you inside me so bad,' she whispered, rubbing him against her clit yet again.

'Joey,' his grip on her hips tightened

'Please,' she begged, and then she cried out, way too loudly, coming hard all at once as he somehow managed to reach a hand around and thrust two fingers into her, as she rubbed him against her clit. 'Pacey,' his name was strangled as her body collapsed against him, but his hands were on her hips and he moved her against himself several times until he was crying out and his hot come spread between his belly and hers.

'Joey, Joey, Joey,' he whispered his hands running across her hair, down her back, over her bum, then back again, then tighter around her, his face in her neck, 'I love you so much,' he squeezed even tighter. She turned her head and pressed a messy kiss to his lips,

'Put your clothes on,' she told him.

'Now?' he stared at her like she was crazy, 'I can hardly move.'

'Please Pace,' she whispered and he nodded.

'Ok...it's not like we have anything to do tomorrow.'

'Well I do but I'll tell you about that later. Right now you need to put on your clothes.'

They dressed in silence and then she took his hand and together they creeped out of the house. They walked in silence through the streets until they reached her wall. She let him absorb it.

It wasn't a thing of great beauty, not the outside. The letters were a little messy, the heart she'd painted had run, but all in all it had something about it, something that made it more perfect than if it had been perfect. She smiled at the words, '_I'm in love with you.' _She'd added the speach marks in the hopes that they'd make it clear that she was saying the words to him. Looking at it in the moonlight, her slanted cursive, and the dripping heart, it looked more like a piece of art than she'd thought it would. It was beautiful. She turned to look at him, his eyes fixed on the wall.

'With me?' he asked faintly turning to stare at her.

'Of course with you,' she rolled her eyes. 'I have been for a long, long time,' she admitted. 'I've not said it and I'm sorry. It's funny I told Dawson I was in love with you, that I was crazy in love with you months ago. I told Jen. I thought you knew.'

'You never said the words,' he said turning back to look at the wall.

'I haven't said the words to anybody...not for years Pace. I didn't want to say them and then lose you as well,' she tried to explain and just hoped he understood.

'You won't lose me,' he stated, squeezing her hand that was still in his.

'We're nearly seventeen Pace. We're so young. This may sound stupid but I feel like I met the person who's perfect for me, but I'm just a dumb teenager and I'm going to mess it all up. I can't imagine losing you, but I can't imagine not. I can't see how to get through the years until we're grown up enough...you know get through without messing up...'

'Sweetheart,' he turned to look at her with a huge grin, 'don't over worry what may happen. We can't live our life worrying about when or how we might mess up, we can just do our best to be good to each other, to be honest and to remain friends. I love you Joey. I am in love with you and as long as you're happy, I'll be happy. If you love me back, well that just makes life perfect.'

'I do,' she said softly, resting her forehead against his shoulder, 'love you back.'

'Apparently you do,' he teased softly. She took a deep breath,

'I love you Pace,' she looked up at him, 'I'm crazy in love with you,' she said and smiled, because his smile was utterly contagious.

'Well come on crazy in love girl, let's get you home to a bed. Which home?'

'The boat?' she gave him a soft look.

'That we can do,' he curled an arm around her neck and pressed a kiss to her head before hugging her close by her shoulder.

'Now you don't need to renew the lease anyway,' she said with a small smile, looking over her shoulder one last time at her painted declaration.

'Are you kidding? Of course I'm renewing the lease. It's a monthly expenditure I think. That's the best goddamned piece of art I've ever seen and I'm going to keep it on that wall for as long as I can.'

'You could just take a picture. It might be cheaper,' she giggled.

'A picture? Tsk,' he grumbled good naturedly. 'I thought you were the artistic one...a photo indeed.'

'You're gonna take a photo aren't you?' she grinned.

'Well think of all the lavish dates I can take you on, the sexy lingerie I can buy you, the meals I can cook you, with an extra hundred bucks a month!'

'Smart boy,' she pressed a kiss to his neck.

'I love you Joey.'

'You're saying that a lot tonight.'

'Because I want to hear something in response...come on lady don't leave me hanging...'

'I love you too Pace.'

'That's my girl,' he held her hand as they climbed onto the boat.


	14. Chapter 14

**Hey all - READ THIS PLEASE!**

**So thank you for reviews and favourites and all the support. I'm not used to posting without stuff written in advance. I don't have a word more of this written. My temptation is to skip the summer - thoughts? Keep along with the show...so have they or haven't they done it...all those questions as in the show...OPINIONS people! Review or PM them. Like I said this grew from a one shot. If you're reading let me know. I thought maybe summer snapshots...**

**Anyway, enough - please review and help and what not!**

**Thanks in advance, Tab:-)**

**p.s. Thanks T80 for the support there - it got me through my technical angst...**

**Chapter 14**

Joey awoke the next morning entangled with Pacey. She'd learnt fairly early on that boating life required breath mints for early morning kisses and she reached into one of her storage bins and grabbed two mints putting one in her mouth and holding the other. She was naked but she didn't think about being naked anymore. Pacey made her feel like a goddess and so with him she was a goddess when naked. Of course she was going to be late to meet Mrs Leery and she needed to talk to Pacey about all that. After a moments hesitation she pushed the mint into his mouth and then kissed him, pressing her naked form up tight to his nearly naked one. The plan was to wake him nicely, tell him she was Mrs Leery's bridesmaid, tell him she loved him and go and meet Mrs Leery in the next half hour and avoid being late.

'Hmmm Joey,' he clearly had a different morning plan than her's. He rolled on top of her, his hard on pressing right between her legs. Thank god he was wearing boxers or all she'd have to do was lift her hips and her virginity would be no more.

'You've woken up happy,' she teased and he grinned before pressing kisses to her chest, his hips bucking against hers and making her gasp.

'I'm always happy when I wake up next to you,' he murmured, 'especially when I know that you love me, especially when I hear you say it...'

'I love you Pacey,' she whispered and he moved against her in _just_ the right way, creating that delectable friction she always seemed to crave.

'And I love you,' he was pressing soft kisses to her lips, his hips moving against hers, his fingers threading through hers and holding them above her head.

'I have to go Pace,' she moaned at length he voice soft because she did not want to go anywhere.

'No, you have to come...' he insisted.

'Pacey,' she cooed, her body arching up to meet his.

'You're so fucking hot,' he groaned and the curse word she once would have found repulsive only made her feel good about herself, made her feel how much Pacey wanted her and made her want him all the more in return.

'Oh,' she burst out as she felt her whole body thrum, to begin its crest towards the dive down that made her feel so utterly wonderful, and then it was happening, her body swooping, as each nerve ending tingled delightfully. She was about to throw Pacey off of her and onto his back and touch him, but he thrust against her, his movements erratic and passionate and then he was groaning and pressing his face into her neck, his body still and his breathing crazily erratic.

'Hmmm, my stamina must be so impressive to you,' he mocked himself in the soft, intimate voice she loved.

'As mine must be to you,' she held him tight. 'I love everything between us Pace. Your stamina included.'

'Good,' he kissed her. 'You said you need to go?' he said and she began to panic.

'Oh god, yeah, I do. I'm mean to be meeting Mrs Leery in like...ten minutes...' she rolled from under him and began hopping around naked looking for her clothes. 'Oh my god,' she looked in the mirror, 'I have total sexed out bed head.'

'Why are you meeting Mrs Leery?' he asked chuckling, handing her her bra.

'She asked me to be her bridesmaid,' Joey admitted with a shy little shrug of her shoulders.

'Oh wow, that's nice,' Pacey seemed genuinely happy for her. 'She's not mad with you at least,' he grinned, 'and you'll look gorgeous I'm sure.'

'You're not mad?' she slid on her tank and wrapped her arms around his waist,

'Of course I'm not mad. I was planning to come along to the wedding. Unobtrusively at the back. Dawson may hate me but Mr and Mrs Leery have been there a lot for the both of us.'

'It's true,' she nodded.

'You love me. I don't need to be jealous. I don't need to be petty and insecure. We both want to be friends with Dawson again and if this helps that, that can only be a good thing.'

'You're the best Pacey.'

'Do you have a brush, because seriously, you look like one loved up frauline,' he grinned.

'I don't have a brush,' she bit her lip. 'But I have a hair band,' she stepped a way from him, tipped her head forward and caught the strands into what she hoped looked like a deliberately messy bun.

'That works,' he grinned and kissed her, a long kiss full of feeling. 'Now go have fun.'

'Can you make sure we have a brush on the boat please?'

'We'll have everything we need, I promise,' he laughed.

'See you later, yeah?'

'Yeah.'

* * *

Joey enjoyed spending the day with Mrs Leery, who she was now supposed to call Gale, checking the dresses, marvelling at the cake, getting their hair cut and conditioned. It had been slightly awkward when the hairdresser had tried to brush through Joey's hair and met knot after knot but Gale had only smirked rather knowingly. It was over coffee that Gale brought up the elephant in the room,

'I know you and Dawson are in a strained phase of your friendship at the moment, but you know it's only because he loves you,' she said looking intently at Joey, who flushed.

'I care a lot about Dawson, and I really hope we can mend our friendship,' she said honestly.

'But you love Pacey?' Gale was so appraising in her look that Joey couldn't lie,

'A lot,' she admitted. 'We didn't set out to hurt Dawson, honestly we didn't. He didn't want me, not like that, not until Pacey did. I thought Dawson and I had established that we were just friends, best friends.'

'Sometimes we don't know what we really want until we feel like we're losing it,' Gale stared at her engagement ring and Joey figured she was thinking about cheating on Mr Leery.

'I want Pacey.'

'And Dawson wants you. He will get over that, he will find away to deal with it. Just give him time.'

'I will,' Joey nodded.

'He said you and Pacey are sailing down the coast together?'

'We leave on Sunday,' Joey smiled. 'I haven't been away from Capeside like that for years and years. I think my mom and dad took Bessie and I down to North Carolina one summer, to see some relative.'

'That will be lovely for you,' Gale looked like she was gearing up to say more, 'it must feel like a real adventure.'

'It does,' Joey admitted. 'Jack and Jen are meeting us in Key West for a couple of weeks. We asked Dawson to come along.'

'Dawson is still thinking that over I think. He's worried about you Joey. I am a little bit too...' Gale had her concerned face on.

'Why are you worried about me?'

'Dawson thinks your relationship with Pacey is moving very fast,' Gale said and Joey blushed bright red, 'now it may not be my place, but you don't have a mom and I need to remind you that you don't need to sleep with a boy to keep the boy and...'

'I know that,' Joey squeaked, 'seriously Mrs Leery, I know that and I am under zero pressure to sleep with Pacey.'

'So you haven't slept together...Dawson...'

'Mrs Leery,' Joey interrupted awkwardly. 'I don't have a mom but I have a very protective big sister. Whether or not I've had sex with Pacey is private.'

'Of course Joey, of course it is. I'm sorry.'

'Please don't be sorry. I appreciate that you care, but I'm a private person. It's hard enough talking to Bessie...'

'But you and Bessie have spoken?'

'We've spoken, she took me to the clinic, has given both of us things...we're good.' Joey couldn't help her clipped tones.

'You can always talk to me you know...I figured eventually that you and Dawson would be together and I'd be on hand to offer advice...'

'Thanks Mrs Leery,' Joey hated this assumption that she and Dawson should be together. It felt like pressure.

'You're happy, aren't you?' Gale was back to appraising mode after her brief foray into concerned parent mode.

'I'm really happy,' she said with a small shrug and a small smile.

'Good.'

* * *

Joey didn't enjoy the wedding nearly as much as she should have. It was entirely awkward being with Dawson, doing things with a person who could barely look at her. The only bit that was bearable was Pacey's warm smile as she walked up the aisle. Even Dawson's glare couldn't quite manage to counteract the warming effect of Pacey's smile.

Dawson pulled it together for the ceremony, and for the party and pointed speeches. Joey put her all into being happy and lively, to being the person she was supposed to be. Pacey found her on the steps to the back door,

'Hey, gorgeous girl,' he caught her hand and she found herself smiling widely at him,

'You came,' she said and then they were kissing, his hands on her waist, hers curled into the nape of his neck.

'Huh hmmm,' Dawson's cough broke them apart. 'I see all members of the triangle are present and accounted for.'

'Sorry,' Joey said but she took Pacey's hand.

'Yeah sorry,' Pacey agreed.

'Just wondering,' Dawson sighed loudly whilst glaring at Pacey, 'what the hell you're doing here?'

'Ease up man, I'm here for the wedding,' Pacey stated peacefully.

'Last I heard you were heading off and sailing the seven seas,' Dawson ground out bitterly, 'and taking my soulmate with you.'

'Dawson,' Joey protested,

'It's ok Jo,' Pacey said softly, 'I'll go.'

'You do that,' Dawson glowered.

'I'll see you later Jo,' Pacey squeezed her hand and took a step down before turning back, 'things are never gonna be the same between us, are they?'

'No,' Dawson barked.

'No, no I didn't think so,' Pacey nodded and with a last look at Joey headed off.

'Dawson,' Joey protested after a few moments, 'this is ridiculous. I'm sorry but it is. Whatever you think you feel for me is not worth all of this.'

'You can't tell me how to feel Joey,' he all but yelled, 'I know how I feel. I just hate it. I hate all of this. You've ruined everything Joey. It was supposed to be you and me and now it can never be.'

'I can't help that I love him. And just because I love him it doesn't mean I don't care about you.'

'Oh you care about me do you?' he laughed bitterly, 'you invite me on your love voyage. You think I want a first hand seat at the "how much Joey and Pacey love each other" show? You love him the way I love you and I hate it. I hate it Joey. I think you're making a colossal mistake leaving with him this summer and I think eventually you'll regret it, that you'll find your way back to me. But right now I can't stand to even look at you,' his eyes were cold.

'You hate me,' she whispered.

'It's all just words Joey. It doesn't mean anything. What means something is how you feel, and how I feel doesn't change how you feel. You should go. Go be with Pacey. This day is over and I thought I could change things but really I can't.'

'I can't stand you hating me...'

'And I can't stand you loving him,' Dawson shrugged coldly.

'So that's it?' she asked faintly.

'For now,' he nodded.

'I'm going,' she fought back tears determined not to cry.

'Yes go,' he seemed to be fighting back tears of his own.

'Tell your parents goodbye and thank you.'

'Please just go,' Dawson reiterated so she turned and headed in the direction Pacey had gone. He'd be at home she knew, but she headed to the dock instead.

The dock, and the boat were a peaceful space for her. A space where she could fully contemplate the fact that she might very well lose Dawson forever. She wondered what it said about their friendship that he was so willing to relinquish it based on who she fell for. She imagined Dawson wouldn't hate her quite so much had she fallen for _anyone_ else. She wondered whether it was that Dawson saw Pacey as true competition. Competition in every way. Dawson had a history of competing with Pacey, such as the basketball in his face, the accusation of a stolen SAT. Perhaps he felt that in a competition for her affections Pacey stood a real chance of winning, that he was real completion and this was just his method of fighting a really dirty fight. Unfortunately for Dawson, even though she had love for him, there was no real competition. She was Pacey's. She felt sad and raw, as she hadn't realized that by falling in love with Pacey she would lose a friend - her best friend. She knew, in honesty, that her history with Dawson had been complicated, that she had wanted him, but so much had happened and it just hadn't worked, yet he was hanging on tightly, and trying to take her with him. They'd been children really and inevitably as you near adulthood and independence life would change. She sighed.

'That sounds serious,' Pacey's voice was sober.

'I don't think things will ever be the same again for either of us with Dawson,' she said as he jumped on board. Sitting down, he pulled her onto his lap, resting his head on her shoulder.

'I'm sorry.'

'It's ok,' she said but swiped at a tear, 'it's silly really because friendship is about forgiveness. We aren't perfect people and we make mistakes. We didn't even make a mistake Pace, and it has cost us our best friend. Maybe the friendship wasn't what we thought it was.'

'Or maybe it wasn't what he wanted it to be. I did do the wrong thing Jo. I knew you meant something to him. That he considered you a soulmate of sorts. I knew that in his head you were off limits. I broke the rules.'

'But he's not at liberty to decide if I do or don't belong to him. And what about how I felt? Would he deny me happiness with you because he wishes it weren't so. And what would that say about you if you had denied us both what we wanted and needed?'

'I don't know. I don't think I could have denied us this. I couldn't have given up on us, on you. But maybe he feels the same...'

'And the problem is I don't,' she nodded.

'He'll forgive you one day because I think he hopes this is a mistake for you. I think he believes it's a mistake.'

'Exploring possibility is never a mistake,' she sunk into his arms.

'You ok to go to our little send off shindig?' he asked and she nodded.

'I'm even up for having a good time. Then tomorrow I want to sale off into the sunset with you.'

'We're leaving mid morning Jo,' he grinned.

'I was being metaphorical,' she pouted.

'Well metaphorically I hope this is the first of many sunsets we sail off into together.'

'Cheeseball.'

'So when you say it, it's romantic and when I say it I'm being a Cheeseball?' he tickled her lightly until she squealed.

'Metaphorically I hope so too,' she admitted, squealing again as he licked up the column of her neck, 'eewwww.'

'You taste very cheesy,' he announced proudly.

'And you're gross. Don't make me have second thoughts,' she threatened.

'I have about a gazillion special surprises below deck to make your sailing voyage more enjoyable...what am I gonna do with three months worth of tampons? Conditioner for long hair? I even bought you nail polish so I could paint your toes for ya...' he waggled his brows and grinned,

'Fine I'll come along. But it's only for the tampons and pedicure,' she deadpanned.

'Sure,' he winked.

'And the conditioner. I've run out,' she pressed a long kiss to his lips.

'Come on then, let's get going before Grams eats all the sausages,' he plonked her on her feet and taking her hand they headed off.

* * *

The send off shindig had been fun. They'd told stories, most of them about the one that got away, though Pacey and Joey had kept silent during those, listening to their friends and to Grams. Grams had eventually driven off with Jack, Andie and Jen, keen to help them get closure, or mend things and Pacey had walked Joey home, spent a long time sharing prolonged kisses, before heading home for the last night.

Joey awoke the next morning nervous. It was early, she could tell because even Alexander wasn't awake. She'd slept surprisingly well but was now awake, and somewhere between terrified and thrilled.

'Why am I not surprised to see you up already,' Bessie handed her sister a coffee as she shuffled sleepily into the kitchen wearing her bunny slippers.

'I feel sick and I can't tell if it's from nervous anticipation or excitement,' Joey mumbled as she slurped her coffee.

'Probably both,' Bessie mused.

'So I know why I'm up but why are you up so early?' she looked at her sister.

'Maybe I'm a little apprehensive about saying goodbye to my little sister as she sails off for three months with a _boy_,' Bessie suggested with an arched brow.

'He's a very nice boy,' Joey defended.

'He's still a boy,' Bessie stated. 'And I see how that boy looks at you Joey. I see,' she stared intently at her sister.

'Would you...Hmm...be disappointed if...I did, you know..._sleep with him_?' she asked in a quiet voice.

'Have you slept with him?' Bessie asked sharply and Joey rolled her eyes,

'No, hence my question. And I guess your answer,' she sighed.

'Joey, you'll be seventeen in a month. I was sleeping with Bodie by then. I wish I'd had a big sister to put me on the pill. Condoms are not 100% reliable you know,' she smiled.

'I know. You've told me, like a gazillion times,' Joey smiled back.

'I could never be disappointed in you for that Joey. If you're ready and so is he, and you're safe which is always the most important thing, well then that's ok. Can I ask you something though?'

'Sure,' Joey shrugged.

'Didn't you always picture your first time to be with Dawson?'

'When I was thirteen I guess. Doesn't mean it should be does it?' Joey looked up from where she'd been staring intently at her coffee cup.

'No. God no, otherwise I'd have lost my virginity to your boyfriends brother who I'm fairly convinced _is_ gay,' Bessie laughed and Joey found herself laughing too.

'I'm not saying I will sleep with him, but I do think about it Bess,' she admitted.

'I trust you Joey. That's why you have my permission to go on this trip. I knew there was a very real possibility you'd have sex on that boat, with that boy. You're so in love with him you can't see straight, and Pacey? He's a good kid. A really good kid and he loves you so much _he_ can't see straight. There could be many worse people and situations to lose your virginity with.'

'Thanks Bessie,' Joey stood up and wrapped her arms around her sisters shoulders giving her a hug.

'You know you can ask me anything...about boys, about sex... I know I kind of freak out but I'll still answer.'

'Jen said it'll hurt,' Joey blurted.

'It will, more if you're not ready or are in anyway uncertain. But if you are ready, if you're turned on it only hurts a little.'

'I don't know what you're supposed to do...'

'Follow his lead. You know what I mean by _that_. He's not a virgin...'

'No,' Joey shook her head, 'makes me worry how I'll stack up...'

'You'll do just fine. He wants you so much it wouldn't matter if you lay there like a sack of spuds...you won't though. If you're into it you'll do a lot of stuff instinctively.'

'So I shouldn't worry?'

'No. You're on the pill, it's as safe as it can be. And sex is fun Joey. Really, _really_ fun.'

'Do I use condoms then, if I'm on the pill? I mean you've been shoving them at us for months,' she looked up at her sister from where she was staring a little too intently at her coffee.

'Yes. Always...at least to start.'

'I don't understand,' she frowned.

'If he's been tested since the last sexual partner and you're both one hundred percent committed to only each other and I mean for certain, then you can forgo condoms.'

'Thanks Bes.'

'That's ok. I hate to think of you being old enough for sex but I would be stupid not to. I love you Joey.'

'I love you too,' Joey realized it was the first time they'd said that to each other in years.

'Now go shower - who knows when you'll have your next one!' Bessie scrunched up her nose as if she could smell her sister already.

'Ok,' Joey gave her sister another hug and headed to the bathroom.

* * *

'Hey Potter,' Pacey walked right on in through the front door.

'Weren't we meeting at the boat?'

'I figured you might need a hand with your stuff,' he grinned and flopped down onto the couch, stretching out.

'I'll let you know I've packed very light,' she gave him a haughty look.

'That's because you've spent the last couple of weeks demanding I get this or that for the boat, making me promise there'll be this vital thing on board,' he yawned.

'Like what?' she frowned.

'Hairbrush, tampons, hair bands because you say you always lose them and never have enough. Sunscreen, because we don't want to burn. Rice and pasta to go with the fish. Tinned fruit. Toilet paper. You said to make sure we don't run out. Water. Towels, there must be sea towels and shower towels. And hand washing detergent so you can wash your intimates...and so I can wash mine...'

'Shut up Pacey.'

'And condoms Pacey,' Bessie snarked from the kitchen.

'You're not supposed to be listening,' Joey yelled.

'A whole big tub of them as promised,' Pacey grinned widely at Joey.

'You're never gonna have sex if you're always this annoying,' she humphed.

'And we're not even on the boat yet darlin',' he caught her hand and pulled her towards him, until she was sat on his lap. 'I have sleeping bags, bin bags, hand sanitizer. I have everything but you.'

'And my bag,' she told him sweetly.

'Which you say is small?' he clarified hopefully.

'I've been very restrained,' she nodded.

'This is the bag,' Bessie stated carrying a medium hold all.

'Well that's smaller than mine,' he grinned brightly, standing up, taking Joey with him. 'You impress me Potter.'

'You can have the bag Pace, but I'm delivering my sister to the dock at eleven as agreed,' Bessie stated firmly and Joey loved his pout.

'Fine,' he grumbled. 'Look away Bes, I'm gonna kiss her senseless,' he warned.

'Pacey,' Joey began to protest, her cheeks burning, but then he was kissing her ardently and she didn't care to protest any longer. Bessie merely rolled her eyes, dropped the bag and headed back to the kitchen.

'Hairbrush, tampons, hair bands because you say you always lose them and never have enough. Sunscreen, because we don't want to burn. Rice and pasta to go with the fish. Tinned fruit. Toilet paper. You said to make sure we don't run out. Water. Towels, there must be sea towels and shower towels. And hand washing detergent so you can wash your intimates...and so I can wash mine...'

'Shut up Pacey.'

'And condoms Pacey,' Bessie snarked from the kitchen.

'You're not supposed to be listening,' Joey yelled.

'A whole big tub of them as promised,' Pacey grinned widely at Joey.

'You're never gonna have sex if you're always this annoying,' she humphed.

'And we're not even on the boat yet darlin',' he caught her hand and pulled her towards him, until she was sat on his lap. 'I have sleeping bags, bin bags, hand sanitizer. I have everything but you.'

'And my bag,' she told him sweetly.

'Which you say is small?' he clarified hopefully.

'I've been very restrained,' she nodded.

'This is the bag,' Bessie stated carrying a medium hold all.

'Well that's smaller than mine,' he grinned brightly, standing up, taking Joey with him. 'You impress me Potter.'

'You can have the bag Pace, but I'm delivering my sister to the dock at eleven as agreed,' Bessie stated firmly and Joey loved his pout.

'Fine,' he grumbled. 'Look away Bes, I'm gonna kiss her senseless,' he warned.

'Pacey,' Joey began to protest, her cheeks burning, but then he was kissing her ardently and she didn't care to protest any longer. Bessie merely rolled her eyes, dropped the bag and headed back to the kitchen.

* * *

'Hey Pacey,' Joey called from the dock.

'Joey,' he grinned. 'Hey guys,' he waved to Bessie, Bodie and Alexander. 'You ready?'

'I'm ready,' Joey stated, then looked at her family.

'Make sure she eats, properly. Fruit and vegetables, not just fish and takeout,' Bessie blurted.

'Any sign of bad weather you dock for the night,' Bodie put in, 'if you can't afford a hotel for the night, call me.'

'Make sure you clean your clothes and shower,' Bessie continued.

'And if the seas are rough wear life jackets. And Pacey check out who you're working for when you're odd jobbing. No dodgy bosses please,' Bodie fixed him with a fierce look.

'Have fun. Look after each other and yourselves, and you,' she glared at Pacey, her finger pointed at him, 'you look after my little sister.'

'Bring her back in one piece Pace,' Bodie added.

'I promise,' Pacey nodded seriously.

'Permission to come aboard?' Joey teased after she'd hugged her family and he grinned,

'Permission granted,' he held out a hand and helped her climb on.

'Be safe,' Bessie reiterated.

'Well you guys be safe. And if you need me to come back and help with the B&amp;B tell me.'

'We'll be fine,' Bessie assured her, 'just look after yourself and look after each other.'

'Joey! Pacey!' Jen and Jacks combined voices got everyone's attention.

'Hey,' Joey smiled, but felt the surprising sting of tears. She wanted to go, but it was still hard leaving. Pacey seemed to get it because his arm wrapped around her shoulders.

'Don't you mean goodbye?' Jack quipped.

'We'll see you in Key West. Call us the week before, ok?' Jen jumped on the boat and pulled Joey from Pacey. 'Call before if you want to talk about _anything_,' she whispered in her ear.

'Ok, thanks,' Joey hugged her tight, and then retrieved Jack from Pacey's enthusiastic man hugs, and she hugged Jack as Jen and Pacey said good bye and then everyone except for the two of them were back on shore, waving as she and Pacey set off.

They were quiet as the dock became smaller and smaller, as their friends and family waving them off disappeared completely.

'How you doing?' Pacey asked.

'Me?' she gave a small laugh, 'half terrified, half exhilarated.'

'But good with your decision?' he asked and she looked at him,

'Great with my decision.'

'Might have been less emotional if we'd just snuck off,' he mused and she shook her head,

'This feels better though.'

'I love you Joey,' he said and she sidled up close to him, fixing herself to his side under his arm.

'I love you too,' she said and loved the way he grinned, and pressed a kiss to her forehead.

'We dock in a couple of hours. The course is pretty fixed. D'ya want to play cards?'

'Not really,' she shook her head.

'We could read a book?' he suggested,

'Hmmm, not right now.'

'You happy just standing there?'

'Pretty much,' she summarized, 'well maybe we could sit here and just talk some?'

'Sounds good to me,' he pulled on a cap and plonked a sun hat on her head and pulled her down onto his lap as he sat. For a long time they sat in silence. 'Barnacle for them?'

'A barnacle?' she turned to look at him and giggled.

'Ocean currency.'

'Just thinking that it's a little surreal to be sailing off into the metaphorical sunset in your arms.'

'You mean given how much you _adored_ me as a kid?' he chuckled.

'Given that yeah,' she turned and kissed his lips briefly.

'I really used to rub you up the wrong way,' he mused.

'And now you rub me up the right way,' she smirked.

'Everyone always goes on about how opposites attract,' Pacey began and Joey shrugged,

'We're different and we're not. I take things seriously and you don't always take them seriously enough. I'm always early, you're always late.'

'And together we have balance,' Pacey nodded.

'I admire you more that you think.'

'You admire me?' he scoffed a little.

'You are a very decent person. I want to be more like you. I haven't always been so nice, or so easy, whereas you - you're kind and patient and caring, and upstanding...you're a pretty amazing guy.'

'Who thinks you're an amazing girl,' he squeezed her lightly. 'And thanks. It doesn't hurt to hear that you like me.'

'Love you,' she clarified.

'I think sailing makes you a little smultzy,' he gave her a soft smile.

'I think you make me a little smultzy,' she admitted and he chuckled.

'Ok, tell me the one thing you're most looking forward too?' he asked brightly.

'You mean today, on the trip, in life?' she arched her brows at him.

'Today.'

'Hmmm, after dinner, and teeth and all that, getting to sleep in a bed with you, without anyone else. Just us. No need to worry about how loud we talk, nobody in the same town hating us together, just being you and me., alone, together.'

'That sounds pretty good,' he nodded looking thoughtfully ahead.

'What was yours?' she asked with knowing eyes.

'Dinner under the stars, but I like yours better.'

'This is our trip, we get to do it all,' she pointed out.

'Talking of doing it all, I want to put in a line and see if a fish might bite.'

'You go right ahead,' she smirked.

'Well little Ms Lazy, I got you something to do, so you don't get to just hang about sittin' pretty.'

'What did you get me?' she asked surprised, as he ducked below deck and appeared thirty seconds later.

'Sketch pad and a tin of pencils. I figured we could do with a visual record of the trip,' he shrugged.

'Pacey,' she said honestly touched, but she caught his hand. 'Please tell me you brought the camera?'

'I did,' he nodded with a grin.

'Then thank you!' She put them beside her and kissed him, no longer thinking of fishing lines, food, drawing, or all they'd just left, 'Seriously, thank you.'

'Anytime,' he nodded, but she didn't release him and soon he was no longer thinking of sketching, or fishing, or where the boat was headed, all the outside stuff fading out until it was just them, on the ocean, in their boat.


	15. Chapter 15

**Ok, so thanks for the feedback, reviews, favourites etc. I've decided to do small viewpoints, or snapshots into the summer but then continue at season 4. Some of these will be short (like today's) and some much longer... Some will answer long standing questions from the show, some will be idle fantasy...**

**I need my feedback, so please review! Please! Most people seemed to want this and I figured it might be fun...**

**Chapter 15**

**Early morning**

After only a week sailing Joey knew that her favourite time on the boat would be early morning. All times on the boat had something, except perhaps the cleaning up, but she loved the quiet calm of morning. Of waking up in Pacey's arms and listening to the gentle lapping of the water against the side of the boat, the early morning birdsong and best of all the sound of his soft breaths in her ear. She'd always found a lot of comfort in Pacey's arms and now she found comfort and a whole lot more. She woke up feeling safe, loved, desired (thanks to his morning erection prodding her), peaceful and blissfully happy. Everything about being with Pacey made her happy, even when he was driving her nuts, for example when he wouldn't stop singing some old Velvet Underground track about shiny boots of leather. Or the time he kept trying to exchange barnacles for kisses even though she was clearly working on her journal. Of course he'd swayed her. He managed to sway her a lot. Didn't mean he wasn't initially irritating with his wondering hands, and his tickling, and his walking past her and tugging undone her bikini top tie. Yes, Pacey Witter was still the most annoying boy in the entire world, but he was hers and she utterly adored him.

By the angle of the sun she could tell it was early, probably a little after dawn which meant it was stupid for her to even be awake, but Pacey's body was apparently awake and she figured that was what woke her. She reached for a breath mint, because she wanted minty breath, not that she really cared about his, then snuggled back into his arms. Then she had a fun idea and turned in his arms and then waited to ensure he was still asleep. Carefully she fed her hand between them and pushing it into his boxers grasped hold of his thick, hard length. It was a little pathetic how much she loved his cock, but she did, loved what she could do to it and what it could do to her. She squeezed him gently and he moaned in his sleep, a moan that became a groan as she rubbed her hand up and down his length, her thumb rubbing over the tip. She loved how his hips responded, bucking forward slightly. Smiling to herself she shimmied under the covers until she was able to lick the entire length of him and then take him in her mouth.

'Joey,' his husky growl turned her on and she kissed, licked and sucked with more enthusiasm, her hands helping where her mouth couldn't reach, carrying out the little tips and techniques Jen's magazine had given her until he was coming in her mouth and then he was dragging her up to him to give her hot, kisses, rolling her onto her back and letting his hands dance between her legs, his thumb rubbing at her clit, his fingers thrusting in and out of her until they curled in that way he'd mastered and she came undone, gasping loudly, and then crying out because there was no one to hear. She lay beside him, her eyes closed, but able to feel his heated stare. When she finally lifted her lazy lids, she was met with his intense blue gaze, as he leaned on his hand watching her.

'Best alarm clock ever,' he teased, his soft, growly morning voice totally at odds with his joke.

'Hmm, it's early, let's sleep some more,' she urged languid and spent.

'Sure,' he agreed, 'or I could head to the fish dock and see if I can help unload the fishing boats. Earn us some money,' he lowered his head to hers and bit her ear lobe lightly and she shivered. It was a dirty trick because he knew that action drove her body crazy. Without much thought she pulled him to her for another kiss.

'Make me coffee and I'll come with you - two wages are better than one.'

'Ok,' he agreed, but pulled her naked form against his, holding her tight for a few minutes. 'Ok, coffee,' he said and released her. She didn't open her eyes but a second later he was brushing the hair in her face behind her ear. 'The sunrise is amazing,' he said and it was enough to get her out of the bed.

She loved the mornings.


	16. Chapter 16

**Thanks for the reviews guys. Keep them coming and I'll keep these coming as quick as I can! I have some long ones...some still in progress and some short but sweet like this one... I have a long one nearly ready for tomorrow and you guys know how to motivate me;-)**

**Thanks and please review!**

**Tab:-)**

**Chapter 16**

**Need a shower**

Joey glared at Pacey.

'What?' he asked as though offended, he thought his offer had been a very nice one.

'You know what. I want a shower.'

'It wasn't my fault the shower block was flooded,' he defended and her glare intensified.

'I never said it was your fault. I said I want a shower. I _need_ a shower.'

'I told you I don't care if you've showered. You showered a couple of days ago...'

'Shut up Pacey. Shut up! I care,' she flushed red.

'How about a swim in the ocean?' he asked brightly.

'I need to wash my hair Pacey. I need to be clean. Especially today.'

'Swim in the ocean and then I can kiss you here,' he pleaded as his fingers ran over the front of her bikini bottoms and she smacked his hand lightly.

'Just because you don't have standards...'

'You're saying I smell?' he looked horrified,

'Well no, you don't. Maybe a little sweaty but that's not a bad smell...' God she loved the way he smelt.

'You don't smell Joey. I want to kiss you,' again with his fingers on her bikini bottoms. 'It's your birthday.'

'Well you can't,' she growled.

'Please,' he pulled her body close to his and kissed her lips, his hands dipping down the back of her bottoms and running over the smooth skin of her ass.

'Pacey,' she protested.

'Have a boat shower with me,' he urged.

'I want a shower shower,' she pouted.

'It'll be fun I promise,' he attempted, kissing her again and running his hands up her sides, his thumbs brushing across the sides of her breasts.

'You can't fondle me out of my bad mood,' she grumped, frowning when he laughed.

'I'm sorry,' he cooed. 'I promise a hot shower tonight before our date?'

'Isn't every night a date?' she asked with a little less pout.

'A proper one though - it's your birthday Jo! The next town has a movie theatre and a pool hall,' he waggled his brows at the latter, his hand once again brushing against the front of her bikini bottoms. She felt her whole body lurch pleasantly, and she pressed against him.

'Hmm ok,' she conceded, her hand going to briefly touch the pretty necklace he'd given her that morning, along with fresh bakery croissants, 'boat shower it is until tonight,' and she took his hand and together they moved to the edge of the boat and jumped.


	17. Chapter 17

**Ok, a nice long chapter so please reward me! **

**On the show Pacey and Joey used the 8 of clubs as a bookmark in the books they read. This is my answer as to why. Again, not as long as normal but much longer than the previous two. These are just little snapshots of life on the boat!**

**Please review. I know I beg every time...it just does help. It lets me know I'm doing ok and knowing people like things, or don't, well it keeps me writing.**

**Chapter 17**

**The 8 of clubs as a bookmark**

'So Pace I was thinking,' Joey interrupted the silence, looking up from her sketchbook where she was attempting to draw a likeness to her lover, a likeness she felt never quite did him justice.

'And what were you thinking?' he dropped his book and opened his arms up, a clear request for more intimate seating. Closing her sketch book she put it away and sniffed, inhaling the scent of something flowery and pleasant.

'What's that smell?'

'Me?' he said hopefully and she laughed,

'You're still one of my favourites,' she reassured him, 'but the flowery smell...is it jasmine?'

'It is. It's growing on shore.'

'God, I love that smell,' she sighed, sitting on his lap and feeling his strong arms wrap around her,

'Beats fish,' Pacey chuckled.

'Doesn't every smell beat fish?'

'Hmm, yeah,' he agreed, sniffing her neck and then pressing a sloppy kiss to her skin. 'So what were you thinking?'

'I want to play poker.'

'Really?' he clearly didn't hear just poker, definitely a dirty edge to it.

'I want beers, and chips and to play poker.'

'And what will we bet with?' he asked, his wet kisses and roving hands letting her know exactly what they were betting with.

'Hmm, barnacles?' she suggested in her most serious voice.

'I have tons,' he brushed that suggestion aside flippantly.

'Well what do you suggest?' she swivelled on his lap so she was looking at him, with the most innocent of eyes. She loved his almost flustered, slightly bashful expression,

'I was thinking clothes?' he asked optimistically.

'Well sure that works,' she agreed casually, swivelling back around so she was staring out to sea.

'So we should dock up for beers,' he said.

'And pizza and chips,' she added.

'So we should dock up for beers, chips and pizza,' she could hear his smile.

'We should,' she agreed. 'And showers.'

'Showers? Didn't I give you a boat shower this morning?' he grinned as he thought about his casual nudge that sent her seaward.

'You did,' she said coldly, 'but we may get to betting more than just clothes, and I think we could both do with a little more than a boat shower for that.'

'Well I like your way of thinking,' he tugged her close and kissed her neck again.

'You know I don't know how to play poker?'

'I'm counting on it,' he grinned into the kisses he was plastering on her neck.

'Dirty bastard,' she chided but angled her head back so he could suck softly on the pulse point where her neck met her shoulder.

'Hmmm, let's go dock now,' he trailed his hands up her bare stomach and under the triangle's of material that made up her bikini top.

'Hmmm, yeah,' she agreed but swivelled her hips over his hard on which was pressing into her bikini clad butt.

'We could go below and make out instead?' he suggested and she simply slid off his lap, took his hand and led him below deck.

'Just kissing,' she told him sternly.

'I love just kissing you insatiable hussy!'

'Says the kind of wondering hands!'

* * *

'Wow, you look...hot,' Pacey gave a low whistle as Joey appeared from inside the showers.

'I washed and brushed my hair,' she rolled her eyes.

'And it looks good. You smell like strawberries,' he sniffed her neck, then pressed a quick kiss to her lips, 'and mint,' he grinned.

'Your turn,' she winked and took the bags out of his hands.

'The pizza should be ready in ten minutes so I'll be quick.'

'Ok,' she watched him head into the washroom and wondered up the pretty seaside street. She was enjoying exploring all the new places they were finding. They both favoured the small ports over the big ones, finding work easier there as well. Time was going too fast though, and she felt a little bit sad at the end of each day. Spotting a payphone she rummaged in her bag for her purse, then popped the beer and chips at her feet. She called Bessie first,

'Potter B&amp;B, how can I help?'

'Bes, it's me,' she smiled at the sound of her sisters voice.

'Joey!' Bessie squealed sounding pleased to hear from her, 'oh my god how are you? How's it going? Do you still love him or is he your annoying nemesis again?'

'Of course I still love him. Madly. And he's so annoying at times, but it'd be a little boring if he wasn't.'

'So what are you doing? Please don't tell me you spend all your time making out...or worse.'

'I'm still a virgin sis, thanks for asking,' Joey rolled her eyes.

'Shhh, I don't want to know.'

'We talk, we fish, draw, read books, write journals. Tonight we're playing cards.'

'Sounds nice,' Bessie murmured dreamily.

'It's amazing. We swim, walk on sandy beaches, shift piles and piles of fish...'

'Well that sounds less nice,' Bessie chuckled as the thirty second warning played.

'Ok, well I'm going to go. Everything is ok with you right?'

'Everything is great. We miss you, but we're good.'

'Good. I love you.'

'Love you too sis.'

Joey hung up and then pushed in a couple of more coins and dialled.

'Hello,' Jen sounded easy breezy.

'Jen,' Joey said, laughing when Jen burst back,

'Joey!'

'How are you?' Joey asked.

'Me? Me, I'm fine. Same as usual, all boring. Working, hanging out with Jack mostly, Dawson and Andie a bit. Missing you guys, who I'm sure have far more interesting things to share...'

'Like what?'

'Like everything! What's it like living with a boy? Have you had your period yet on the boat? Has the boat become a sex den yet? Gimme answers Jo.'

'Living with Pacey is fun. He's annoying, but God is he sexy, and funny. I never knew I could be happy - you know actually laughing all the time. He's a total goof but I love him. He's messy but surprisingly clean.'

'Period on the boat? Your big fear...well that and having to go to the bathroom...' Jen sniggered,

'Period is in about five day so we'll see. I pee on the boat and tend to use dry land for other stuff,' she answered primly.

'And if you've really gotta go?' Jen asked.

'Jen, really?'

'Biggest fear for both of us about travelling with a boy - we talked about it,' Jen chided.

'It's fine. Really it is. It's not like he knows. I don't think he'd even care.'

'Because he loves you,' Jen put on a silly voice.

'Because I send him off on an errand if needs be,' she admitted and Jen laughed.

'Ok, sex den?'

'Yes and no,' Joey admitted blushing even though she was only on the phone.

'What an intriguing answer,' Jen waited,

'Ok, so no we haven't don't it..not yet, but God do we spend a lot of time..._intimately_ engaged...'

'Hussy,' Jen teased.

'We're playing poker tonight. With beer, chips and pizza.'

'Strip poker, I assume,' Jen was laughing.

'Of course,' Joey responded demurely.

'Want to drive him crazy?'

'Of course,' Joey stated readily.

'When he relieves you of your panties, don't close your legs,' Jen said it seriously but Joey blushed a deeper shade of red.

'Jen,' she muttered her friends name in embarrassment, but Jen just giggled,

'It'll drive him nuts, seriously. Especially if you keep on playing, cool as a cucumber.'

'My money's about to go,' Joey told her as the beeps sounded.

'Wear your nice underwear and don't let him touch you. Not till the game is over,' Jen told her hurriedly.

'Thanks. Miss you.'

'Miss you too.'

Joey hung up and went to pick up the pizza before meeting Pacey back at the shower block.

'Hmmm, you smell nice,' she gave him a quick once over.

'I smell the same as you,' he admitted, 'I forgot my shower gel.' She stepped up close and sniffed,

'Then I smell nice too.'

'As I keep telling you,' he grinned.

'Come on Pace,' she laughed taking his hand.

* * *

'I think you're cheating,' Joey accused lightly, sipping on her third beer.

'Nah, just a really good poker player,' his eyes were nowhere near hers.

'Up here Pace,' she reached across and used her finger to tilt his gaze away from her bare breasts and back at her face.

'You're sat there in panties, you seriously expect me not to stare?' he asked his gaze flitting between her nakedness and her eyes.

'Stare away,' she shrugged with a roll of her eyes taking another sip of beer and eating a chip.

'You ready, cos I called it?'

'Sure,' she shrugged staring at her useless cards.

'Ok,' he laid down his exceptional hand and she laid down her useless hand.

'Shame,' he leaned back in his chair, ever the cocky bastard. 'Seem's you've lost again Potter,' he stared at her without holding back how much he was enjoying it.

'Seems I have,' she mused and stood and wriggled out of her panties before sitting back down and stretching her legs out in front of her. Thinking over her conversation with Jen she opened them just a little and felt triumphant when she saw his gaze falter, his tongue sneak out to wet his lips, as he zeroed in on all she revealed. Pacey might be good at bluffing, but it seemed she'd found his weakness. 'Deal,' she urged but he was still staring, his eyes dark and half lidded. 'Pace, deal the cards.'

'Hmm, yeah,' he groaned softly, but dealt the cards clearly distracted. It wasn't that he was distracted that gave her such a good hand, but she counted it in her victory.

'Two please,' she requested staring at her hand of three eights - three eights! All she needed was the eight of clubs and she'd have the boy boxerless. She'd been the worse player all night but he'd been wearing less to start with. She also thought perhaps she could up the ante.

'I'll take one,' he coughed and rather distractedly looked between his card and her legs.

'Pacey,' she spoke softly.

'Hum...yeah?'

'I have no clothes left to bet with,' she let her legs sway a little further open and saw him flinch in her direction, a soft moan on his lips, a muttered curse following.

'You lose,' he croaked, and then coughed, 'you open your legs wider,' it sounded more like he was begging.

'And if you lose,' she began but he shook his head,

'I won't,' he stated,

'If you lose,' she continued. 'I get to watch you get hard.'

'Way to late for that,' he informed her, as if she couldn't already see.

'I mean next time. I've never seen you without one of those,' she looked at his crotch. 'I want to.'

'Fine. I win, I want to be between your legs,' he was beginning to sound desperate.

'And if I win you're between them naked.'

'Fuck,' he groaned.

'Anything else?' she challenged, picking up her cards to reveal the eight of clubs. God did she love that beautiful card.

'If I win fuck...just, I wanna touch you.'

'If I win when you're naked between my legs I want you inside of me.'

'Joey,' he pleaded. 'You drank beer...I can't...'

'If I win I want to have sex,' she reiterated. 'And I win,' she laid down her cards.

'You win,' he laid down his and stared at her. 'I can't.'

'Pacey I've wanted to have sex with you for weeks, if not months...'

'But we can't do that because you have had a few beers, you're gorgeously drunk and won a poker game...and if you're drunk we can't...' he frowned, clearly disappointed.

'Ok, I'll make a deal with you...' she stood up and sat down on him, taking his hand and running it up her thigh put it between her legs.

'Hmmm,' he was staring up at her looking utterly overwhelmed, his fingers slipping inside of her.

'Tonight I get you naked between my legs, but see this card here,' she leant across and picked up her precious eight of clubs. 'I get every eight of clubs on this boat and if I play the card at any time, I get what I want...'

'What you want?' he looked up at her with wide, willing eyes.

'Yes, so if I beg you to be inside of me, as long as no alcohol has passed my lips, you move your body inside of mine. If I want you to do anything, within reason, you do it, deal?'

'I want you to say it when we're not all hormonal...I need to know you want it with...you know, all your faculties...'

'Deal,' she put her hand between her legs, and rubbed her clit in time with his probing fingers.

'Oh fuck,' his eyes widened as he watched. Then he was hauling her to her feet, and practically bundling her below deck. Before she'd had a chance to think he was naked and on his back on the bed, pulling her until she was straddling his lap, and her slick heat was rubbing against his hard, naked cock.

'Oh that's good,' she cried, feeling her whole body purr with satisfaction.

'Make yourself come,' he begged, his hands almost frantic, finding purchase on her hips, her chest, her thighs.

'No...problem,' she gasped rocking against him.

'Oh god,' he moved his hands to help rock her hips and she could feel her whole body tightening, preparing to explode.

'Pacey,' she begged, and before she knew what was happening her body shifted and came apart, and she wanted him inside of her more than anything. With a loud groan he turned them over and she watched him take his cock in his hand and pump it a few times before his warm come was landing across her chest, his eyes absorbing every detail.

'Oh my god, I love you,' he lay on the bed next to her, head resting in his elbow, his right hand drawing patterns on her chest with his come, his breathing ragged.

'That's a little gross,' she smirked.

'No, it's a lot hot.'

'Boys are weird,' she reached across for some tissues and handed them to him, chuckling he cleaned her.

'And needy,' he pointed out and laughing she rolled her eyes, before pulling his head to hers and kissing him.

'I love you too,' she said between kisses, 'now motivate me to brush my teeth so I can sleep.'


	18. Chapter 18

**Hey,**

**Thanks for the reviews you guys! I love the old and new reviewers taking the time to write something for me. I'm feeling the love and it's keeping me going;-)**

**So Pacey returned with a haircut...this is my version of how the haircut originally came about. I figure he'd have had another one...we're still early in their trip after all...**

**Thanks, Tab:-)**

**Chapter 18**

**Pacey's haircut**

'Um Pacey,' Joey was staring at him trying to work out how to tell him what she had to tell him.

'What's up Jo?' he smiled widely and pulled on his cap. 'I'm sorry if I left the seat up again...I was all mind fuddled from that amazing wake up this morning,' he shot her a soft look, and she sighed - it had been rather awesome, after a whole five days of her period she'd gotten what she wanted, and he'd had so much fun giving it to her.

'I don't mind about the seat,' she gave him a weak smile, taking the coffee he handed her.

'Now that's a lie Josephine,' he tutted.

'Ok so I mind in the middle of the night and I'm half asleep and I practically fall into the toilet. Then I mind,' she grumbled.

'I'll remember,' he promised and she appreciated the sentiment even though she was pretty sure he wouldn't.

'It's not the toilet seat,' she sipped her coffee.

'You hate the shirt? I've been saving this one especially. I thought you'd get a kick out of the Palm trees given all the...you know, Palm trees,' he looked at her optimistically.

'It's not the shirt, which is...um...special?' she attempted, 'I don't hate it..'

'But you don't love it? Damn.' He tutted to himself, 'I was trying with this one.'

'Pace, half your wardrobe, well it looks hot...the other half less so...'

'Which half's hot?' he frowned.

'Your winter wardrobe is good, you look good...'

'But not my summer stuff?' he pouted.

'Pace you always look gorgeous to me. Horrendous Hawaiian shirts included. I mean you're you! There's only one thing that ruins it for me,' she explained.

'And what's that?' he looked worried.

'When you have gum in your hair,' she stood up and pulled the cap from his head.

'I have gum in my hair?' his hands went to the sticky mess.

'I'm sorry...I guess it fell out when...well when we were...I wasn't focussing on gum...'

'You're gonna have to shave my head,' he gave her a deadly serious look.

'I can't do that,' she shook her head. 'I love your hair. No way.'

'There's gum in my hair. Sticky, minty gum. I love everything about you Joey, except your used and discarded gum,' he gesticulated widely, grabbing the small mirror that floated around the place and examining the mess.

'I really am sorry, I just...you were...' she attempted but really what could she say?

'I know,' he gave her a grudging smile. 'But I can't live with gum in my hair.'

'Ok. Do we even have clippers?'

'Is a dog furry?'

'Yes?'

'Yes we have clippers,' he grinned and went below to dig them out, before sitting on a chair and handing them to her 'full of new batteries and ready to go.'

'Ok,' she turned them on and adjusted them.

'You've done this before right?'

'No,' she shook her head and was about to press the clippers to his head but he jumped up.

'Ok Potter, hand over the device,' he held out his hand and rolling her eyes she handed it over. 'Let's just scissor out the gum shall we?' he suggested instead, tone mildly patronizing.

'Fine,' she grumped and took the scissors he handed her, grabbed at the gummed hair and snipped several times.

'Got it all?'

'Um yeah,' she bit her lip to keep from laughing, watching as he held up the mirror and silently examined the mess she'd left from all angles.

'Joey,' he protested, 'I look ridiculous.'

'Hand me the device Witter,' she snarked and with a narrowing of his eyes he handed her back the clippers which she turned on rather gleefully. 'I've always wanted to use these,' she stated before swiping them across his skull. 'Oh that's really short.'

'Not exaggerating,' he deadpanned as he examined is reflection, 'well you better like short hair because my hair is gonna be really short. You gotta keep going now honey,' he winced as she did another swipe, continuing until the job was done. 'What do you think?' his lips was curled up, sort of indicating his distaste for the whole shaved head look, but he attempted to reign it in, assessing until he gave her his best expression of optimism.

'Hmm,' she appraised him carefully. It wasn't as soft as before, but she didn't mind it, if she was honest she actually quite liked it. Carefully she rubbed her hand against the short bristles. 'It's good,' she told him, quickly finding the sensation addictive.

'Joey.'

'Yeah?'

'Can we go back to mints? I love your long hair. I mean I'd love you with a shaved head...I just think I might prefer the long hair...'

'Sure,' she laughed. 'I'm putting a lock of this in my journal.' She swooped down and picked up a small curl of his hair.

'Ahh, you old romantic you,' he teased.

'Nah, it's just really funny.'

'It would be less funny if it was you,' he pointed out.

'Surely you don't really mind? Not when your girlfriend clearly can't keep her hands off you and your new shaved head?' she rubbed her hands across the back of his skull again.

'Hmm, yeah, not so much,' he agreed kissing her. 'God I could make out with you all day and never want to do anything else,' he told her.

'We've got a long way to go today, at least focus some attention on getting us there,' she pinched his butt and turned him towards the sails. 'Let's set sail, fix our course and then...'

'Make out?'

'I was going to suggest some journal writing, some sketching, you can get yourself going on one of your chat marathons...maybe a game of cards...'

'Will you be playing...your eight of clubs?' he asked offhandedly as if he didn't care.

'Hmmm, no I don't think so...' she watched his face, watched the pensive expression, 'but what I said that night, about what I want, that was true. And I'm not hormonal or drunk, or in anyway impaired. When I play that card, that's what I want,' she stated and then it hit her - that maybe his refusal that night hadn't been entirely about the three beers she'd drunk, 'if that's what you want?' she bit her lip suddenly nervous but he just looked at her with wide eyes,

'That's what I want,' he reassured, 'when it's right. When you're ready,' he reiterated and she wondered why he didn't hear that she was ready and she did want it. She decided she might just hang onto her precious card and find out whether he was actually ready.


	19. Chapter 19

**Ok, so here we have another snapshot. I used sentence prompts...either things they said in the show or just things I thought might happen to write these. This one came from the prompt "slightly lost" but merged with the idea of a storm (thanks Juno). **

**Please review. I beg, I plead, I'm utterly needy... People review and I actually find it easier to write. As I said to T80 - I'm pretty sure it's an ego thing...**

**Thanks, Tab:-)**

**Chapter 19**

**Slightly lost**

'Are we lost?' Joey eyed her boyfriend, looking up from her journal.

'We're momentarily not found,' he answered brightly, though he looked tense.

'Just dock at the next place and ask...' She shrugged turning her attention back to her journal.

'If you're a sailor you don't just _ask_, Joey,' he scoffed, attempting lightheartedness. 'That would make me look ridiculous and inept.'

'And sailing around lost wouldn't?' she asked.

'I'm not lost,' he grumped,

'I know, I know, you're momentarily not found,' she smirked sketching idly in her journal before looking back up at him.

'I just...the next port is supposed to be here but I see nothing...' he frowned.

'Except for the big dark, ominous clouds on the horizon?' she eyed him again now understanding his stress.

'Yeah, aside from that,' he agreed, casting his eyes back over his maps and charts.

'We'll dock at the next place, it'll be ok,' she put down her journal and stood to look over his shoulder.

'We should have passed this place,' he prodded the map, 'but we haven't.' Joey looked ahead of them and could see nothing but coastline, wild coastline.

'Ok, let's just get round the curve as fast as we can, and I bet it'll be there.'

'What if it isn't?' he asked,

'I trust you Pace. You know what you're doing,you do,' she pressed her forehead to his and for a few moments they breathed deep calming breaths.

'Ok,' he nodded, 'whatever happens it's gonna be a stormy night. Could you go secure the inside of the boat? Maybe dig out our waterproof stuff just in case?'

'Aye, aye captain,' she nodded and headed below.

* * *

'Storms pretty close,' Pacey murmured as Joey stood beside him.

'Ok, so what should we do...do we drop anchor and try and secure the boat or make it to the missing next port?' she asked. 'Take your time...'

'The next port should be here. I guess we haven't been moving as quick as I thought with the swell working against us as it has been.'

'So we keep going and if we see nothing in half an hour we secure the boat.'

'Yes,' he nodded. 'I'm sorry.'

'You've nothing to be sorry for. This is part of sailing. Let's focus - let's put on life jackets and we only need one boss, so you're it.'

'Ok,' he nodded and kissed her forehead before reaching for her life jacket and securing her in it. She did the same to him.

* * *

'I see it,' she shouted above the wind. 'I see it.'

'Thank god,' Pacey muttered as the first large rain drops splattered against his face, the wind already stinging his skin.

'Twenty minutes,' she shouted optimistically.

'Ok. I need you to hold that rope tight but please, hang on to the boat.'

'I'm fine Pace,' she yelled.

'I promised Bodie and your sister,' he was stressed, 'so hold on damn tight.'

'There's a B&amp;B in that town with a room and that room has our name all over it. We're gonna be fine. We'll make sure True Love is secure and safe first, I promise.'

'Ok,' he nodded. 'Ok.'

It was more like an hour and though the wind was way too strong, the rain torrential, they made it to the dock, and they made it in without crashing or took much danger. A bunch of other boat people saw their trouble and came to their aid helping them secure the boat. Once Pacey was satisfied they followed the directions of a guy ln a neighbouring boat and headed to a small B&amp;B. The guy assured them he'd call the B&amp;B if anything happened to the boat.

'Come on Pace,' Joey took his hand after brushing a lock of wet hair off her face.

'I'm sorry,' he repeated yet again.

'I missed the part where the weather was your fault,' she rolled her eyes, her lashes so wet they were clumping together.

'I knew there was a storm, I just didn't account on the swell. I figured we'd make port way before it hit. I thought we'd be warm and toasty, watching a movie in a real bed.'

'And we will be,' she reassured him.

'I was stupid. We should never have left this morning,' he looked away from her, rubbing a hand through his sopping hair.

'Stop beating yourself up,' she said yet again and he turned to her, clearly angry,

'Don't you get it Jo? I could have killed us. What if something had happened? What then? At the end there if you'd gone over board...who knows...'

'But I didn't,' she yelled back, frustrated at his bad mood.

'I promised...'

'I know I know, Bessie and Bodie...'

'I promised you as well Joey. I invited you in this trip and there was a promise in that, a promise that I'd keep you safe.'

'Pacey, we both have to keep each other safe - this isn't all on you,' she told him bluntly.

'No one cares what happens to me Joey, except maybe my brother - a little bit. Everyone cares what happens to you, and there are plenty of people waiting for me to fuck up, in fact expecting it.'

'You didn't fuck up,' she yelled.

'But I might have. I so easily could have and then what? I could have lost you Joey, God I could have. Then I prove everyone right!'

'Who on earth is everyone?' she scoffed.

'My parents..._Dawson,' _he growled.

'And how exactly would you prove Dawson right? Right in what way anyway?' she shouted.

'Right that I'm wrong for you. That he would be better for you. He's convinced I'm gonna screw up and today I nearly did. I nearly fucked everything up, I put you in danger,' he yelled and then stormed ahead.

'You're being ridiculous, but then that's typical.'

'Typical?' he halted, spinning round and staring at her, his eyes narrowed in anger.

'Yes. When something goes wrong you blame yourself, even if it's nothing to do with you. You were the same when Andie went away, the same when you were flunking math and you were even the same when you were twelve years old and your dad arrested mine. Like it was even your fault in the first place.'

'Maybe I feel like everything is my fault because I've been told my whole life that it is!' he shouted, 'you weren't supposed to want me. I know that. I know that you're out of my league in intelligence, in looks, in life. You're amazing and I'm me, the clownish screw up.'

'You have issues Pace, because that is not who you are,' she stared at him shocked.

'It is who I am, I'm just lucky enough that you don't see me that way,' he turned away from her.

'Pacey,' she was cross but also confused.

'Look we're here. Here's the money,' he pushed a hundred bucks into her hand, 'I'll be back soon...'

'Where are you going?' she shouted suddenly furious.

'For some space,' he yelled back throwing his hands in the air.

'Fine, go,' she glared at him, before turning on heel and stalking into the B&amp;B entrance.

* * *

Joey showered but her clothes were entirely soaked and so she had to slip into bed naked even though she wanted to slip into bed dressed in clothing tighter than Fort Knox. Of course she couldn't sleep. Not with Pacey still walking around in the storm. It felt like forever before she heard a quiet tap at the door. She glanced at the clock to see that it was nearly midnight. Her heart was racing as she jumped out of bed. She hesitated because she was naked and it might not be her dumb boyfriend. Grabbing her towel she wrapped it around herself, and opened the door a crack.

He was soaking wet, his hair plastered to his head, his clothing drenched, a puddle on the floor at his feet.

'I'm sorry,' he told her softly and she opened the door wider, surprised when his arms wrapped tight around her, his rain gear cold against her skin. 'Please forgive me.'

'Pacey,' she wriggled away from him.

'I got scared,' he admitted staring at his feet, 'I'm an ass when I get scared. Even more so when I get scared about someone I love. I'm used to fucking up Joey and then when I'm with you.. I feel like I can do anything, be anyone...until suddenly I don't and then I believe every mean thing they always said about me...'

'Your parents?'

'My parents, my siblings, Dawson - all of them telling me I'm useless, that I don't deserve you.'

'Pace,' her voice softened, and she carefully unbuttoned his rain jacket, then snaking her hands and arms inside pressed herself against him, even though his clothes were wet. 'You need to believe me when I tell you that your parents are the clowns. They're the screw ups because they don't _see_ you. I see you clearly.'

'I'm not perfect Joey, not like Dawson,' he muttered into her hair, his body still stiff.

'I don't want someone perfect, I want someone perfect for me, and that's you. Your parents and Dawson, they put you down, probably to make themselves feel better but I have no doubt that you are twice, three times the person they can even dream of being. And I mean all of them, Dawson included. You wanna know my biggest fear?'

'What?' he asked softly.

'That one day you're going to realize how much better than me you are and you'll wonder why you ever loved me. I'm not you - not as kind, not nearly as compassionate. I'm not easy, or funny, or upstanding...I'm scared, nearly all the time and it's only with you that I feel brave,' she spoke honestly, her voice soft.

'I love you,' he breathed, his arms finally wrapping around her. 'And you're every bit as wonderful as I think you are.'

'I love you too,' she pushed off his waterproof bottoms. 'I'm not sure how waterproof our waterproofs are,' she murmured. 'You're soaked. All my stuff is dripping.'

'Please tell me we have a bath?' he sounded a little desperate.

'We have a bath,' she nodded, 'let me run it for you.'

'Ok,' he looked exhausted. She left and turned on the bath, putting in the plug before returning to find him still stood in the doorway.

'Come on Pace,' she led him through to the bath room and peeled off his wet clothing until he was naked except for his damp boxers. After a seconds hesitation she pushed them down, unabashedly staring at him as for once he wasn't hard.

'You're staring,' he broke the silence.

'I've never...you know...' her eyes were wide.

'Seen one before? Come on, I know that's not true, you've seen it plenty,' he chuckled softly, the sound beautiful to her ears after his somber mood.

'Not when you aren't hard,' she admitted and he laughed louder,

'The problems of a beautiful, sexy girl...' he smirked. 'Keep staring and it'll be a brief experience.'

'You like me looking?' she asked and he nodded. Looking up at him she pulled her towel open and went back to staring at his cock. 'And now?' she asked watching with interest as it seemed to expand, straighten and begin to lift up before her very eyes. It was very strange. 'That's quite impressive,' she murmured staring at him.

'Joey,' he said her name in her favourite way, like a plea.

'Would you like me to kiss you, here...' she ran her hand across him, looking up at his face, watching his eyes flutter shut.

'You don't have...' he trailed off as her hand continued its movement.

'I asked if you want me to...'

'Yes,' he groaned and so she put her mouth on him, softly, teasing him, one hand tugging him closer by his butt, the other helping her mouth as she took him in as far as she could, doing everything in her power to increase that sexy noise he made, the one that told her how turned on he was, how desperate for her. His hand on her breast made her gasp, and what she really wanted was his hand between her legs, so she put the hand that had been on his ass between her legs, rubbing at her clit herself just he did and pushing her own fingers inside of herself. Her soft moan caught his attention and then he was staring not at her mouth on his cock, but on her hand between her legs. 'Fuck,' he thrust at her mouth and then he was coming. 'Oh god,' he was kneeling in front of her, his eyes still on her hand, 'don't stop,' he rubbed at her nipple, 'please.' So she closed her eyes and thought about him pushing himself inside of her, she thought of rocking on top of him, his cock slipping between her legs until she was rocking her body hard onto him and within moments she was coming, her body tightening around her fingers repeatedly, before she opened her eyes to meet his dark ones. He slumped to the floor and pulled her to him, holding her on his lap.

'I'm sorry,' he said again.

'Why are you still apologizing Pace?'

'I shouldn't have made tonight about sex.'

'I don't think you did,' she rolled her eyes. 'I did.'

'I was angry and I vented frustration at myself onto you...and you...'

'We had a fight and we made up,' she stated.

'But you did nothing wrong...' he mumbled.

'We both argued Pacey. I didn't understand, I didn't let you vent. It does take two you know.'

'I know,' he pressed a kiss to her shoulder. 'I should have just held you.'

'First you need to have your bath, then you can hold me. We'll watch a movie, order a pizza, and we'll be close. We're going to argue a lot you know Pacey. I'm an argumentative kind of girl and when I'm cross, I'm pretty mean. I won't see it your way, not until I've calmed down. And you...you take self blame to new levels and given the wonderful person I think you are, that makes me angry. And as previously discussed when I'm angry I get mean and I won't see things your way, not until I calm down...so you gotta accept that we're going to argue. Sometimes when we make up we'll hug. Other times I'll want to be in your arms. Sometimes, you'll turn up looking like a drowned rat, looking utterly adorable, and I'll have to strip you naked because you're so wet and maybe...maybe I'll get carried away...there's no right way to make up and there's no wrong way.'

'Ok,' he nodded.

'In the bath before you get sick,' she stood up and helped him to his feet.

'Will you sit in with me?' he asked and she smiled softly.

'In the bathroom or in the bath?'

'In the bath?' he asked, 'I just want to talk to you.'

'Sure,' she nodded and climbed in after him, sitting in sideways due to the lack of room. For a long time they sat in silence and then he spoke, his voice cracking a little,

'You know once...once when we were in grade two...you remember how Mrs Malinsky would give us those spelling words?'

'I remember,' she frowned slightly, thinking back, wondering where he was going with the story but always happy to find out. 'Always a strange mixture...like ten words that were regular spelling words and then five that were slightly bizarre.'

'Yeah,' he took her hand. 'One week the words were pretty strange, but they were all survival words...you know like hypothermia...emergency...tsunami...hazardous and hurricane...'

'You still remember those or are they examples?' she smiled.

'Oh I still remember them. I was the fifth kid Joey. My mom didn't want me and my dad sure as hell didn't want me. My brother and sisters were universally irritated and frustrated by me. I didn't have a soul listen to me read ever. No one gave me the facts of life talk, I read it in a Cosmo Gretchen left in the bathroom. I was taught to read in grade two, in a special remedial reading class because no one had bothered to help me at home. I'd never passed a spelling test Jo, because no one tested me, taught me little tricks and techniques to help the spellings stick...'

'I still remember my mom teaching me a special way to say the letters of the word because...I still say it that way in my head when I write it.'

'I was one of _those_ kids, the ones everyone assumes is either too thick to amount to much or a bad seed, or to unmotivated to work, or you know...neglected.'

'Well it wasn't the first three,' she told him darkly.

'But I was the sheriffs son. No way was I neglected. I was lazy. Lazy and little bit stupid. You know why I remember that spelling test?'

'Why?' she almost didn't want to know because she hated how awful he'd been made to feel.

'Because I was sick of getting marks that made me look dumb. Other kids saw and they said stuff. Even Dawson. So I wrote out the damn spelling words that week, every night by myself. I was seven and I practiced. They were cool words.'

'And what happened?' she asked.

'I got them all right. Every single one. I was so proud of myself,' he looked down and let out a bitter laugh, 'I was asked to stay after school. My mom and dad turned up and the teacher, she said what had happened, she said that one of the other kids had accused me of copying off them. I was furious but my mom and dad, they looked at that perfect test score and they asked me to own up. I told them I'd practiced all week and they ignored me, apologizing to the teacher, telling her they'd have a talk with me at home and by talk they meant my dads belt across my backside. I said I'd spell the words now and my dad he looked at me and he says, "don't embarrass yourself Pacey. Not anymore than you already have."'

'Pacey,' she hated it, tears stinging her eyes, 'They don't know you.'

'They're my parents,' he stated.

'I know. But have they ever bothered to get to know you? Do they talk to you about anything?'

'No,' he shrugged. 'They only yell at me. Tell me what I can't do. So you see, I am prone to blaming myself, to thinking I can't do something, that I'll mess it up.'

'You're really not messing up you and me,' she told him. 'And I think your finals, they prove you aren't stupid or lazy. The thing is Pace, even if you'd failed them all, I could never think of you as either lazy or stupid. I think you're amazing. You're clever in ways that really matter and motivated in the same way.'

'The way you see me and the way I see me...they're quite different,' he admitted.

'The thing is Pace, I don't imagine I see myself the way you see me,' she shrugged.

'You're right,' he let out a sincere chuckle, 'I mean I know you have no idea how utterly stunning you are. I love that you're confident with me that you can concede that I think you're an utter goddess, but you've always been crazily doubtful about that fact.'

'I'm too tall and...'

'Shh,' he interrupted putting a finger to her lips. 'I want you to think all I think about you as much as you want me to believe what you think about me. I know you have fears about who you are, about where you're going but you...you're going to have a great life because I don't know anyone that deserves it more...'

'I do,' she said and looked at him pointedly.

'Maybe the gritty underdogs deserve a great life together?' he asked but she scowled.

'Gritty underdogs? I'm sorry?' she sounded put out.

'I think Dawson called us that once. About the time your dad was burning down restaurants and mine was punching me in the face. We don't really take it lying down Jo. We still believe we deserve the life we want.'

'Well of course, otherwise we wouldn't be here.'

'No we wouldn't,' he agreed.

'I'm glad we are,' she told him.

'Me too. Can I tell you something?' He took her wet hand and held it under the water.

'Of course?' she shrugged and rubbed her other hand along his wet calf.

'When you told me you loved me, when you said you feel like you've met the perfect person and you're too young to not mess it all up. You remember that?'

'Of course,' her heart pounded because it was all still true.

'I feel that way too.'

'So maybe we'll be scared together?' she asked and he looked at her with those stormy blue eyes of his.

'Please.'


	20. Chapter 20

**I travelled down to the Florida Key's once when I was a little older than these two. I strongly remember swimming in the sea, gorgeous sunrise and then it was rudely interrupted by an unwelcome guest. This snapshot has no sunrise, nor swimming but there's an unwelcome guest...**

**Chapter 20**

The pelican

'Joey,' Pacey turned to look at her from his chair that was up on deck where they were both enjoying the sunshine of Florida.

'Pacey,' she looked over at him from under her sun hat.

'So I know the plan has always been to get out of Capeside, and I know college is super important to you...but what would you like to be? Do you have a career in mind or are you still deciding?'

'I guess,' she began, putting her sketchpad down on her lap, 'I guess that all I've ever wanted to be is a success, which is just about the lamest career aspiration of all time.'

'What did that aptitude test deem suitable?'

'Oh that thing? A career in the stage apparently. Or a librarian...'

'You'd be an utterly sexy librarian,' he interrupted.

'Let's deal with my career then your fantasies,' she chided, looking at him from under her lashes.

'Sure, sure,' he grinned.

'So the stage, librarian, publishing, or teacher...'

'And of those?' he gave her a questioning look.

'Well in all honesty, they all leave me feeling a little dead inside. I mean they each have merits, but do I really want to spend my whole life _doing_ any of them?'

'What do you dream of spending your life doing?'

'This?' she was only half joking.

'To support this?' he chuckled.

'Well that's the problem. All the things I dream of doing for the rest of my life, they aren't the sort of things most people have any success at.'

'Like what?' he asked, nudging her foot with his.

'An artist, a writer...you know we're not all Dawson, able to somehow see our dreams as possibilities.'

'Why don't you just keep writing, just keep drawing...if that's what you want?'

'I'm good Pacey, but I don't think I'm good enough,' she admitted. 'I have ideas but when I write they can be a little dry. My plots are gappy, and I find it hard to create tension. I've never finished a story.'

'Builders aren't born knowing how to build. Chefs aren't born knowing what goes with what...and writers...they need guidance too. I'm good with food but with instruction I could be great. Maybe the same is true for you and writing.'

'Maybe,' she mused, 'do you think you'd like to be a chef?'

'I'm kind of with you in the whole success thing. I want to not be broke. I want to not be bored. I want people to say, "nobody thought he'd amount to much but look at him." I know, I mean deep down, that it's not important what other people think and that my success in life won't be measured by their opinions, but God to I want to show them all.'

'I understand that. I really do. I want to prove myself, for me and for all the naysayers. I hate that it matters to me but it does.'

'Back to the gritty underdog thing,' he grinned and she rolled her eyes,

'I suppose so. The less people think of me and my family the more determined I am to prove them wrong.'

'I think it could easily go either way for me,' he admitted.

'What do you mean?'

'Sometimes I feel like people think so little of me, expect so little, that why bother. I half convince myself they might be right, so what's the point in trying?'

'But they're not right,' she half yelled, 'sorry. But they're not. You will fuck up Pacey. So will I. We all will. At times you and I in particular are gonna feel that we're playing right into expectations but we don't have to like it. We don't have to take it lying down.'

'But you and me - we're different Joey.'

'How?' she stared at him, hating his wry chuckle,

'Well your dad's a criminal but he worships you. Your mom isn't around but when she was she only saw great things for you. All I ever hear is how that Potter girl has got such a great future ahead of her. Everyone knows you're smart, determined and utterly capable. There isn't a soul out there saying the same about me.'

'I am,' she stated fiercely and he gave her a look. 'I am Pacey and don't you dare say I don't count. If you love me like you say you do then I have to count more than anyone else.'

'Of course you count,' he admitted with a soft smile and gentle eyes.

'I've told you before and I'll tell you again, I think you may very well surprise everyone with how smart you actually are. I think you're smarter than I am, which is why your opinion matters so much to me. You can be a total dumbass. I don't retract that.'

'Well no, I wouldn't,' he reached across and took her hand.

'And you can be determined. Hell, would you and I be here on this boat together if you weren't? I don't know anyone more determined... And that all goes hand in hand with capable. You manage people Pace. Get them to do the things necessary...you are all those things. More than me.'

'So you're saying you think I stand a chance?' he squeezed her hand.

'A chance?'

'At college? At having a senior year like the year we just had?'

'Yes. Absolutely.'

'I would like to be a chef Jo...to answer your question but the thing is there are so many other opportunities open to me that I've just never thought about, that haven't been options. I guess I need to consider them as well.'

'So secret career dreams...spill... I told you my embarrassing ones...'

'Shouldn't be embarrassed,' he teased softy. 'Though saying that, I've never spoken mine aloud before...'

'Do it,' she encouraged.

'Ok...so...well some of these are less serious and some are more...'

'Stop making excuses and spill,' she laughed.

'I'd like to write...sounds so unlike me I know but that's because I've let Dawson shine - he's the creative one and I could never compete. Then there's run a coffee shop or a bar...firefighter... I could so see my way to working in a hospital...probably nurse rather than doctor...then you know run a boat company, hire out sail boats...or something sailing related...maybe just lessons for kids. I like kids Jo and they like me, so maybe a teacher...' he spilled it all so rapidly, so enthusiastically.

'Wow, you've been holding onto all that for a while, huh?' she gave him a smile and he turned a delightful shade of pink.

'Maybe.'

'So let's take it all seriously, let's look into those things and you can apply...'

'I want to apply to the same places as you, at least the same cities...'

'Well good,' she traced letters on his palm with her index finger, which he watched her do.

'Looks like you wrote something..'

'Just the usual...'

'Which is?'

'I'm in love with you...' she shot him a look from under her lowered lashes.

'Well good because I'm in love with you,' he told her, though his face fell when her's did,

'Holy crap!' she yelled loudly and Pacey stared at her confused, especially when she jumped up from her chair and backed to the edge of the boat. He turned to look at where she was staring, and backed up beside her.

'Well they're a whole lot larger than I imagined...'

'Look at the size of its beak? If that thing wants us for breakfast I don't think we stand a chance...' she gripped his hand.

'I didn't imagine Pelicans to be so big...or so frickin' intimidating...'

'Well they are...Get rid of it Pace...'

'Me? Why me?' he eyed the enormous bird perched on the railing of the boat.

'You're bigger than I am. It's less likely to eat you. Crap...' she squealed as the bird advanced on Pacey's left over breakfast.

'Raaaaa,' Pacey yelled loudly and the bird opened it's wings and they both screamed.

'Charge it,' Joey told him and he took his eyes off the bird long enough to give her a scathing look,

'Nice to know you love me, toots,' he snarked, before grabbing his flip flop and chucking it at the bird, which cawed loudly.

'Don't hurt it,' she chided.

'Seriously?' he stared at her again, before grabbing his other flip flop and hurling that, and they watched as the massive bird took flight. 'Jo...' he began but never got to finish as she threw her arms around him and kissed him,

'I do love you I do,' she moaned into the kiss, her intention clearly no longer an innocent kiss, 'thank you for getting rid of it...'

'Well you know,' he cooed clearly rather pleased with her reaction.

'God, those things are monsters,' she shivered, pushing her hands under his shirt.

'Total monsters,' he agreed, slipping his down the backs of her bikini bottoms.

'I never knew I would be so pathetic in the face of wild fowl...' she ran her hands across his biceps, then back up his shirt.

'You weren't pathetic...that bird had an evil glint in its eye...'

'It did, right?' she nodded, 'but I always thought I'm rather brave but...'

'You are brave. I've had to drag you from a burning building.'

'That was more stupid than brave,' she dismissed.

'Well I hope we never have to discover how brave you are,' he peppered her neck with soft kisses, and her blood surged with a mixture of adrenalin and desire. She wrapped her arms around his neck, deepening the kiss before perching herself on the railing and drawing him between her legs, moaning at the feel of his hard on against her. With only the slippery material if her bikini bottoms and his swim shorts between them it felt both amazing and frustrating, and she found herself pushing at his shorts.

'In the cabin,' he hissed, looking around the busy marina.

'Yes,' she didn't move though, only kissed him more enthusiastically.

'Now,' he growled and picked her up, allowing her legs to wrap around his waist before maneuvering them below deck, where he perched her on the kitchen surface, the small space making life difficult, but neither cared so long as he could thrust his body against hers and drive them both closer and closer to the result they both craved.

'Not working,' she muttered in frustration and pushed his swimming trunks down and grabbing hold of his hard cock, her hand smoothing up and down it.

'Fuck,' he gasped and kissed her with abandon, groaning as she released him, and wrapped her legs around him so he could move against her, so he could help her body climb up and then fall into the hedonistic tide of her orgasm, her feet still urging him closer even as she came, until with a jerky movement of his hips, his come was spilling onto her stomach.

'Oh god, that felt good,' she sighed, closing her eyes and resting her head against his.

'I need to lie down,' he gasped. 'With you...'

'Hmmm, yeah,' she allowed him to step away from her and pull up his shorts which were still half on, and followed him to the bed.

'That was...'

'I know,' she nodded curling up in his arms.

'I love you Joey.'

'I love you too,' she agreed readily, pressing kisses to his chest which she was pressed against. 'Can we talk about something?'

'Of course, what do you want to talk about?' he asked easily.

'Sex,' she admitted.

'What about sex?' he sounded cautious.

'Well I have my eight of clubs,' she began drawing a heart on his chest.

'You have several. I put five packs of cards on this boat and you've nabbed every eight of clubs...' he chuckled softly.

'I did,' she agreed. 'I was drunk that night, you were right. And I was totally drunk on lust as well...'

'That hurts my ego to hear,' he teased.

'Oh ssh. Let's face it we're both ridiculously animalistic and pathetic in our interactions. We cannot keep our hands to ourselves. Everything turns into an embarrassing grope fest...'

'Embarrassing?' he smirked.

'Embarrassing stroke hot. Extremely hot.'

'So you were drunk on both booze and lust that night and you have your eight of clubs. Five of them. Where were you going with this?'

'I'm not using them as you may have noticed,' she rested her head in her hand, her elbow bent, so she could look at him properly.

'I have,' he nodded, 'I assumed it was because you weren't sure...'

'You assume to much,' she told him clearly. 'I told you I meant it when we got lost and I did mean it. I want to have sex with you Pacey. I want to more than anything.'

'So why aren't we having sex?' he narrowed his eyes, his hand trailing down her arm to rest on the hollow of her hip.

'Because I haven't felt entirely sure that you're ready,' she admitted and he flushed,

'Me?'

'I don't assume that you're ready just because you've done it before.'

'Then you've been better than me,' he admitted looking down.

'I don't understand?'

'I've been assuming you're not ready because you haven't done it before,' he admitted.

'So all your clarifying, you saying no that night, all of that is because you're making sure I'm ready?'

'And you've not pushed it because you think I'm not ready?' he grinned.

'Well yeah,' she shrugged.

'Well let me be clear. I'm ready. I'm utterly in love with you and my body wants yours almost constantly. It's your move sweetheart,' he tugged her hip and shifted her a little closer.

'Well I'm not going to make my move now,' she rolled her eyes.

'You're not?' he looked disappointed.

'No. Far too much pressure. I'll surprise you. When you least expect it.'

'Hmm, I can believe that,' he kissed her briefly.

'We should go make dinner,' she said at length.

'Do you want to?'

'Not at all,' she pressed a sloppy kiss to his chest.

'Are you hungry?'

'No,' she shook her head, moving her lips over the skin of his chest as she did so.

'So let's just hang here. We could play cards?' He smirked.

'Haha. How about you read me a story?'

'You want me to read you a story?' he laughed.

'Well this place is light in the way of electronics so yes, I do want you to read me a story. You can pick. I like your voice.'

'Well ok,' he turned over to look at their collection of books. 'Oooh, this one,' he plucked _Catch-22_ up and smiled.

'Ooh I liked the sound of that one. Read away sir,' she stretched and wrapped her arms around him as he plumped up pillows so he could half sit and began to read.


	21. Chapter 21

**This has taken ages and ages. I'm happy enough with it to post. Some may hate it...others may be happy with it. Please keep in mind that in this story I feel this is appropriate, and that the timeline i****s ok. I hope you agree! Please let me know one way or another...**

**Chapter 21**

**The Argument**

Joey was in a bad mood and she wasn't really sure why, just that everything was irritating and things just felt _off_. Well maybe she knew that part of it was hormones, and the fact that she was going to get her period in the next few days, but she loathed the way hormones could effect her, and she absolutely hated Pacey daring to suggest that her bad mood might be in any way down to them. She was also pretty certain part of her bad mood was his utter inability to leave her alone, despite the fact that she was clearly finding it difficult to be pleasant. She wanted to read and thus he wanted to chat. She wanted to draw and he needed her to do some other sailing thing that she just didn't want to do. And if he even dared suggest she gut the fish - yet more fish! - for their dinner, well she was going to throw him overboard.

'Feeling better?' he dropped his weighty arm along her shoulder, and she sighed in irritation.

'Pace, I'm really not in the mood,' she muttered.

'Not in the mood for what? I just asked a question,' even his frown and inability to comprehend what she meant irritated her.

'For physical contact,' she shrugged at his arm which he removed with a huff.

'Normally we're in constant physical contact so you could at least say it nicely,' he defended perfectly reasonably but it just wound her up,

'But I'm not feeling nice,' she growled.

'What is your glitch today? Is this hormones or did I do something to seriously piss you off?' he was staring at her expectantly and she crossed her arms defensively.

'You mean like leave the toilet seat up yet again in the middle of the night? You mean like dropping your clothes all over the floor? What about like just expecting me to clear up the breakfast crap? You never make the bed and if I have to eat fish again I'm going to throw it at you.'

'You took my clothes off me Joey, and then threw them!' he threw up his hands in frustration, 'I asked if you minded doing the breakfast stuff because I was busy getting us ready to leave. So I never make the bed - newsflash Jo - neither do you! We're both as bad as each other and there's not a lot I can do about the fish until we pick up some more work...'

'Let me guess, more work hurling fish!' she glared at him.

'I'm gonna ask you again Jo - what's your glitch? I get that I suck about the toilet seat, and yeah the bed is messy. I'll try and do better, but seriously, you're gonna start on the type of odd job we have to pick up? There isn't anything I can do about that. If you wanna be here then it's hauling fish I'm afraid.'

'Maybe, right now I don't want to be here,' she stormed and stood up, hopping off the boat and onto the dock.

'Don't cop out and run away,' he yelled at her retreating form and she turned back to glare at him,

'I am not running away. I just don't want to be here right now so I can clean up, or have my space invaded, or just...anything to do with fish.'

'Fine, be like that!' he shouted.

'I will,' she snarled.

* * *

Joey grabbed at the phone and shoved money into the slot. Dialling she then waited as the call connected and finally rang,

'Hello,' Jen sounded like her mouth was full.

'We had an argument,' she poured her woes into her phone frustrated to find herself crying.

'Oh hey Jo, of course you did,' Jen hurried to say.

'What do you mean?' Joey sniffed.

'You're on a boat together...that's a very small space...you're gonna irritate each other...'

'But normally we don't,' Joey complained hating the tears that snuck down her face.

'Are you hormonal?' Jen asked and Joey humphed,

'No,' she complained.

'Joey...' Jen's voice was teasing.

'Ok, so maybe a little, but I hate that always being the reason for every bad mood. You know he's messy, and always there and...God...I'm totally hormonal...'

'It's ok Joey. You know Pacey is annoying, you've always thought so,' Jen was clearly smirking.

'Oh shut up Jen,' Joey rolled her eyes, 'he's annoying _and_ adorable. I love him like mad. I just...I don't know, I'm having a mood.'

'What type of mood, if it's not pre-menstrual?' Jen asked and there was a long pause, 'Joey...come on you can be honest...'

'I'm worrying...'

'What's new?' Jen asked.

'I get scared of how much I love him Jen. That's so stupid, and then I get to thinking about how I've lost Dawson because of this...of how much life has changed. My life is always changing Jen. I don't get to keep anything...'

'Joey, worrying about losing Pacey is understandable. But you guys love each other. Have faith in that...'

'But I loved Dawson and apparently Dawson loved me and now he hates me. I could very easily cause everyone in my life to hate me. I'm not that nice Jen.'

'I know you're horrid but apparently Pacey thinks the sun shines out of your ass.'

'Haha,' Joey rolled her eyes,

'Joey you deserve this. You do. You deserve to be happy and so does Pacey, and he loves you for a reason.'

'I told him I want to sleep with him,' Joey admitted quietly.

'Oh my god, that's huge...'

'But not a surprise,' Joey acknowledged.

'No, not a surprise,' Jen laughed.

'We both want to sleep with each other,' Joey stated.

'You mean your hot boyfriend wants to have sex with you? I'm so surprised.'

'Jen,' Joey complained.

'So you both want to have sex together...what's the problem?' Jen was now taking it seriously.

'You remember when I rang you about the poker night...'

'Hell yeah,' Jen laughed.

'Well that night was fun Jen. I did...you know...what you said. It was...well yeah,' Joey blushed.

'Wow, Joey Potter, you saucy little minx,' Jen shrieked.

'Well our betting got a little extravagant and I won, and...well the end result is that when I give him a certain card we have sex.'

'So give him the goddamned card Joey!' Jen yelled causing Joey to wince.

'That's the thing Jen. I'm so confused. I want it to be romantic...it's my first time, but I also can't get enough of him and well sometimes I just want to rip his clothes off. I find it very difficult to work out how on earth it should go. I mean, romance is all fine, but if it's too romantic I may over think it and sometimes when my brain gets in the way it's harder to get carried away, if you know what I mean...'

'I know what you mean. The thing is Jo, you love him and he loves you. Doesn't matter if you end up doing it in the bathroom, it'll still be special...'

'Maybe,' Joey hesitated, 'but not in the bathroom,' she added and Jen laughed,

'I don't think you'll be anywhere near a bathroom. You want my advice?'

'That's why I'm calling?' Joey rolled her eyes.

'Don't try and make it a big event. One day he'll do something that makes your heart throb with love and then, just go for it. Sex doesn't need to be worried over. And don't be put off if it isn't as wonderful as you imagine. It usually isn't at first.'

'Ok, thank you Jen. And sorry I'm always asking you for advice.'

'I love that you ask me for advice. I love that we're friends,' Jen said.

'Do you want to talk about anything?'

'Yeah I do,' Jen stated. 'About how excited Jack and I are to get to Key West.'

'When are you leaving?'

'A week Tuesday. Make sure that tent is set up Jo...'

'Course I will!' Joey laughed.

'Seriously this summer has been so dull. Dawson is all into photography and Andie is all about summer school for extra credit. Joey, I know you're extra credit mad too but that's crazy.'

'You probably shouldn't say that,' Joey grinned.

'Ok, ok...' Jen laughed, 'we are having fun Jo, but not as much as if you and Pacey were here.'

'Well that's always nice to hear,' Joey stated happily. 'And um...Dawson...is he ok?'

'He's ok. Still pissed about you guys. Makes him kinda hard to tolerate sometimes, but I am tolerating him. I am looking out for him, and he's ok. If he could let it go, he'd probably be happy. His mom and dad are back together, he's actually pretty good at photography, he's not ugly...he's really milking the jilted lover thing.'

'He wasn't a jilted lover. He's a friend that didn't like his other friends being together...'

'I know, I know,' Jen sighed. 'And he still doesn't get that.'

'Will he ever come round?'

'I think so Jo. At some point he's got to otherwise he's going to be lonely.'

'I don't want to put you or Jack or anyone in an awkward position Jen...'

'He's putting us in the awkward position Joey. Not you, not Pacey. Him and he's gonna have to deal with the consequences.'

'Thank you Jen.'

'Now go apologize to your boyfriend for being a hormonal wench.'

'Hey,' Joey protested.

'What?'

'Only Pacey gets to call me a wench.'

'For gods sake you soppy girl, go screw his brains out then.'

'Maybe I will,' Joey muttered. 'Bye Jen.'

'Bye Joey,' Jen giggled.

* * *

Joey approached the boat feeling nervous. All her anger and frustration had completely evaporated and all she was now feeling was a little embarrassed. She wasn't exactly sure how Pacey was going to react to her, especially given her over reaction earlier. She climbed onto the boat, and called out softly,

'Pace are you here?' she looked over the deck, but the boat deck was empty, and the cabin was dark. She sighed and fought back the sting of tears. It was possible, she conceded, that she had messed everything up. She hoped she hadn't because the alternative was unbearable. The difficulty was that when life was unbearable she wanted and needed Pacey, and so she was beginning to feel a little sick. She swiped at a tear that escaped her eye and headed down the steps hoping the cabin wasn't locked. Thankfully the door opened and she stepped into the darkness.

'Joey,' Pacey's voice came out from the darkness and she screamed.

'Oh my god,' she gasped, her heart racing, 'you scared the living crap out of me.'

'I'm sorry. I wanted to surprise you,' he whispered.

'Well success,' she put her hand to her heart, still blinded by the darkness. 'Any chance we can turn on a light?'

'Sure,' she heard his laugh, but was surprised by the fairy lights that turned on rather than the normal lamp they used. 'Pacey?' she asked faintly looking around. The place was spotless and there were new, clean sheets on the bed.

'I'm sorry,' he murmured and she had to smile because it was so like him to apologize for something that wasn't even his doing.

'And what exactly are you sorry for?' she asked softly.

'For always leaving the toilet seat up, and for never making the bed,' he walked towards her and she pretty much fell into his arms. 'I'm sorry I can't leave you alone _ever_. I know I talk and talk, and I can't stop touching you, but I love you. I love you so much. I just want to be close to you. I know you hate the fish and I know that throwing fish isn't fun. Well unless you hit me in the stomach with one - then you laugh like a goof. But I'm sorry for irritating you, for blaming your bad mood on hormones. I know you hate that and I'm really sorry.'

'Please stop saying sorry,' she whispered the words into the warmth of his neck, tasting the hint of salt on his skin. 'This was all me.'

'You may have been a _little_ grumpy, but I have given you a few things to be grumpy about,' his arms were tight around her, as if he were hanging on.

'Not really,' she admitted, 'the truth is I had a funk today. I don't now why. I am pre-menstrual but I don't think it was that entirely. I'm missing Bessie today a bit, and I got myself all anxious about certain things..'

'What are you worried about?' he stepped back and took her hand, pulling her across to the bed so they could lie together.

'I don't know. This feels grownup Pace. Travelling like this and I'm not scared of that, but things keep changing and that does worry me. Change worries me because things don't always seem to change in a very positive way.'

'I can be childish if you want?' he asked only half in jest.

'Don't joke,' she stated feeling hurt.

'I'm not trying to Jo, really I'm not. Growing up is grown up,' he attempt and she shifted away from him.

'Pacey,' she complained unsure what he was trying to say.

'I'm expressing myself all wrong,' he sighed, 'I understand what you're saying. All this change, all this impending responsibility, all the responsibility you and I have just taken on through this trip, it feels like we're taking care of ourselves?'

'Yes,' she nodded.

'But you and I Jo, well we've been taking care of ourselves for a long time. and you, you've been taking care of your whole family for years Joey. It is scary, but it's also exciting...'

'That's true,' she lay back down beside him, resting her head on his chest.

'And you know, we're best friends. This is your safe space. I know that, you've told me that,' he squeezed her.

'It is. I don't worry when I'm here,' she admitted.

'Well it's my safe space too. Being with you.'

'Pace,' she hugged him.

'And here's the thing Joey. I can understand that with everything that has changed between us, with the potential of sex between us, well maybe it feels a little like this safe space is changing?'

'That's a good point,' she conceded, resting her chin on his chest so she could look up at him. 'Though kissing hasn't changed anything,' she said and he frowned making her laugh, 'well not for the worse. Neither has all the touching,' she smiled at him softly.

'No, the touching is good,' he agreed.

'The touching is great,' she shot him a sultry look. 'But I love the fact that sometimes a hug is just a hug.'

'Joey, no amount of sex, no matter what kinds of sex we have, a hug can always still be a hug. Surely you get that?'

'What kinds of sex are we talking about here?' she arched a brow clearly amused, amusement that grew with his blush.

'Joey,' he chided softly.

'Seriously Pace?' she smiled, 'I'm glad. I worry that if I mess up, and Pacey I am so gonna mess up, but I worry that I will lose the right to this space.'

'So you're talking about a situation where I'm hurt by you or upset, or something and...'

'Dawson, I'm talking about a situation like Dawson. He apparently loved me. He was apparently my best friend. If I needed him for comfort I'd be screwed...'

'Aww Jo,' he gave her a quick kiss. 'I can understand what you mean. The thing is you did need Dawson for comfort. I understand that and I'm not even jealous of it. You used to talk to him. And I know you miss him, but you're doing ok? Right?'

'Well I have you,' she admitted.

'So here's the thing Jo. You'll always have me. We were friends before we were anything else, but if for whatever reason you didn't have me, the truth is you'd have someone else. I hate the thought of anyone else providing you with the comfort I do. It makes me insanely jealous of a person that doesn't yet exist, but you'll always have someone Joey. I want to promise myself to you because that's how I feel, but I know you're a realist, and realistic people needs realistic answers. The truth is, if I am not around for whatever reason, someone will be.'

'Well I like the thought of someone else about as much as you do,' she frowned.

'Well good,' he grinned. 'As you should.'

'Now back to the types of sex,' she rolled so she was lying on him, her hands threaded together on his chest, her chin resting in them.

'Jo,' he frowned.

'Don't Jo me, I want to know. Do you mean like positions or what?' she asked seriously.

'We already have sex Jo,' he attempted.

'I'm sorry, did I miss your cock inside of me?' she asked with a laugh.

'I mean the other things we do and how we do them,' his cheeks were pink.

'In what way?' she persisted.

'Well,' his voice made his chest rumble pleasantly and she dropped her head to rest on it, her eyes shutting. 'Sometimes we're slow with each other, we can kiss for such a long time, and the build up is slow and delicious. Sometimes we're crazy for each other, and I want my fingers inside you as much as you do, if not more. Sometimes I thrust up against you and we're coming in minutes, and other times it's like a slow heat...you know?' his voice was so goddamned sexy and she loved hearing him attempt to describe it.

'And actual sex?'

'It's the same. Sometimes I want you so badly Jo, I just want to fuck you, but other times, God, I want to take my time, push into you slowly, carefully.'

'Pacey,' her body thrummed at his words. 'I want that too,' she rocked against him, loving how hard he was already. 'I want so many different types of sex when I'm with you but I don't know what to do.'

'You're a fast learner,' he put his hands on her butt and rocked her.

'One second,' she held up a finger and rolled off of him. She headed into the small bathroom and breathed in and out a couple of times, then reaching for her wash bag she dug around inside for a couple of things and then headed back out, after a quick look at herself in the mirror. Her hair was a mess and her cheeks were flushed, but she was happy with how she looked - slightly wanton and a whole lot loved up. She stared at Pacey lying on the bed, his arms crossed under his head, his tall frame toned and tanned. She stared at the way his shirt had ridden up, the firm muscles of his stomach visible, his face relaxed and boyish in the light from the fairy lights he'd restrung. Her heart constricted with love and her body lurched pleasantly at the thought of being with him, even as nerves churned her stomach.

'Hey,' he turned and smiled at her, and just his smile made her smile in return. 'All ok.'

'Yeah, just needed a couple of things,' she shrugged.

'You want me to read to you?' he asked. She shook her head and he frowned a little, looking concerned.

'I have something for you,' she attempted, surprised to find her voice was a whisper.

'What?' he asked and she held out what was clutched in her right hand letting him take it. She watched his face as he took in the card he held and what it meant. That particular eight of clubs was a little damaged from living in her toilet bag, but it still meant what it meant. His eyes widened slightly and then flicked to hers.

'I'm playing my card,' again her voice was a little above a whisper.

'If this is about the argument...' he began but she frowned and climbed back onto the bed so that she was straddling his lap, a knee on either side of his thighs, his hard cock pressing against her.

'Pacey. When I was twelve you hugged me. I remember how it felt like the weight of the world was no longer just mine, even if it was for just a few minutes. Even more than that, you made the world feel like it was an ok place. It used to be that the smell of you, the feel of your arms around me...they calmed my racing pulse and they gave me back my sanity.'

'Joey...' his voice was deep, his eyes huge and dark.

'Then it all changed. One day you're calming my pulse and the next everything you did could make my pulse race, my heart hammer and draw me into this crazy insanity where I could never, ever seem to get enough of you. I found you so unbearably sexy.'

'Found?' he was teasing, a slight smirk on his lips, especially when she tugged his t-shit up and off of him, her hands than smoothing over his defined pecs, and across his shoulders.

'I find you unbearably sexy,' she gave him an indulgent look. 'Clearly,' she rocked her body against him letting out a slight gasp at the sensation, at the way it was exactly right, before gripping the bottom of her top and pulling it off over her head. 'Then...then you loved me. And I loved you and everything in my life sort of fell into place. Maybe you didn't pull me out of insanity, or calm my pulse in the way you had, but you made the world feel very, very right. You always make things feel right, whether you're calming me or making me want you desperately,' she reached behind her back and flicked the catch on her bra, then pulled it down her arms and off.

'You don't have...' he began and even managed to raise his eyes from her naked chest to her eyes.

'With you Pace, I never _have_ to do anything. The only thing you want from me ever is for me to be happy, and that's why I _want_ to do this.'

'But...' he began and she smiled putting a finger to his lips.

'Pace, we've been together a while and you've always understood without a word why I wasn't ready, so you have to ask now why I am?' she arched a brow, before picking up one of his hands and kissing it softly, 'you taught me to drive. You knew it was my mom's bracelet I was wearing at prom. You bought me a wall,' she untied her sarong and pulled it off.

'I didn't buy, so much as rented...' he attempted, his hands splayed on her hips, his eyes on hers.

'I want you,' she whispered, 'I want this...my love,' she lowered her body to his and kissed him, taking his right hand with her left one and pressing the condom she was holding into it.

'Joey,' his groan made her stomach flip flop, and she rocked her body against his.

'I don't know what I'm doing,' she kissed his neck, warm, wet kisses and rocked again.

'Mmmm, you do,' his hands slipped down the back of her panties and smoothed over the rounded curve of her ass. 'Just kiss me,' he told her and so she did. She kissed him until she wasn't thinking about anything but kissing him, and the steady beating between her legs that urged her to rock against him harder and faster. Just when she felt her body begin to tighten, begin to implode before it exploded he flipped them and his hand was down the front of her panties, his fingers pushing into her as his thumb tormented her clit and she was coming so hard and fast she felt dizzy. She desperately wanted him to feel the same way, but her mind was too fuzzy and her body too relaxed, small shock waves of pleasure still tingling through her, his fingers still in her, moving and God it felt good.

'I want to touch you,' she growled but he have a wry chuckle,

'If you do...this will be over,' he admitted and so she kissed him instead, kissed him and pushed impatiently at the swim shorts he was still wearing, until the hot hard heat of him was against her thigh.

'I want you inside me,' she begged as she pushed her panties down. Pacey stared at her and pulled them down her legs and off, before lying on top of her between her thighs, his hard cock pressed between them. 'Please,' she pleaded as the steady pulse beat between her legs kicked up again. She fed her hand between them and grasped hold of his hardness, and rubbed him against the wet slick heat between her legs.

'Oh fuck,' Pacey's breathing was deep and erratic, 'this may not be my best performance,' he moaned as he kissed the pulse point below her ear, before brushing a strand of hair out of her eyes and tucking it behind her ear. That one gesture squeezed her heart and she took the condom from his hand and tore the wrapping.

'Now,' she said and watched him take the condom before leaning back on his heels and unrolling it on himself - it was an oddly erotic sight, especially when she allowed herself to think that he would be pushing all of himself into her body. The pleasant swooping sensation between her legs had her reaching up and wrapping her arms around his neck when he was done, pressing a kiss to his lips, and brining him back on top of her. His hand was between them and she thought he was going to do it but instead his fingers were back inside of her and it felt good but like it wasn't enough, not when he was ready and she wanted it more than ever, so she reached between them and pushed his hand aside before taking hold of his hardness and brushing the tip along herself, again and again until he thrust forward and it was pushing into her slowly, his arms shaking slightly. Unable to kiss her, unable to do more than breath heavily against her chest and moan softly. The sensation was strange, strange to be filled up in such an intimate place, to feel her lover breathing heavily above her, to feel the shake of his arms as he fought to hold himself still. There was a slight burning pain but it was negligible, especially compared to the fact that he was in her, that she could feel him in her.

'You ok?' he whispered softly, pressing kisses to her face.

'I'm ok,' she confirmed, running her hands lightly across his shoulders and into the hair at the nape of his neck. 'I'm good,' she breathed the words into a kiss, a kiss she deepened. His soft groan spurned her on and she squirmed beneath his weight.

'Joey,' the gravel of his voice was fuel to her adrenalin, and she attempt to create movement, unsuccessfully. However, Pacey seemed to heed her need and he pulled out of her before rocking back in, causing her to gasp at the sensation. Not only could she feel every bit of him filling her up but his body created a friction on her clit, and the two feelings combined were amazing.

'Again,' she whimpered softly, her nails digging into his shoulders, moaning as he pulled nearly all the way out of her before rocking back in again, his own moan driving her hips up to meet his the next time he thrust into her.

'Oh god,' he half cursed stilling for a second.

'It feels good,' she breathed, 'again please,' she urged, until he found a rhythm, one she encouraged with her legs, wrapping them around him, a rhythm that tormented her by taking her to the brink of her orgasm but never head first into it.

'Oh fuck,' he cursed, his movements speeding up, becoming increasingly erratic until he was crying out, his face buried in her neck, his hands in her hair, as she felt his cock pulsing inside of her. She loved the feeling and despite feeling her own body's desperation she found huge pleasure in having made him feel so good. 'I'm sorry...I...you...' he panted and he rolled off of her, moving his hand between his legs and pushing his fingers in and rubbing his thumb almost roughy on her clit, his mouth claiming hers.

'Oh god,' she moaned into the kiss, her whole body instantly back on the brink it had been on before Pacey had come. It didn't feel quite the same with his fingers as it had when he'd been inside of her, not quite as good, but she didn't care, her body didn't care either as her orgasm took hold of her and each part of her came to life with the deliciously blissful feeling. His fingers slid from inside of her and he pulled her tight against his naked chest.

'I love you,' his whispered words made her smile.

'I love you,' she pressed a kiss to his chest.

'I'm sorry I didn't...when we were...you know...I just...you're sexy and beautiful and...' he was looking at her with eyes so beautiful she could cry and she wasn't one to cry over eyes, but they were simply the most beautiful thing she'd ever seen.

'That doesn't matter, you sure made up for it,' she pressed another kiss to his chest.

'That was ok?' he asked carefully, 'you're ok?'

'I'm good,' she sighed with a smile.

'That was, um...ok?' he asked with a small amount of hesitancy and she frowned. 'I mean if you were to tell Bessie about it...' he began and she giggled,

'You really want me discussing my boyfriend's sexual prowess with my sister?' she asked with amusement loving his blush,

'Well ok, say Jen, I mean what would you say?'

'About the prowess?' she asked with an amused smirk rolling her eyes.

'Yeah, the prowess,' he clarified and she smiled again.

'You know, just when I think you're the antithesis of the typical male, there you are dragging your knuckles with the rest of them,' she teased kissing said knuckles.

'Jo, you should never underestimate the primates desire to hear about his prowess in the sack,' he explained with a kiss to her forehead.

'Pace,' she smiled.

'I could do this you know, the sweetness and the sarcasm. I could do this for the rest of my life, you know? With you as my partner in irreverence,' he pressed his nose to her neck.

'Have you ever stopped to think that you're just the first of many, Pace?' she asked quirking her eyebrow when he looked at her.

'Oh well,' he chuckled, 'I guess I'll have to satisfy myself with being the Neil Armstrong of the bunch.'

'You do that,' she found herself laughing.

'So Jo, normally after an event like this there's a...you know...post game wrap up of sorts.'

'Ah, back to the prowess,' she giggled, 'You want to know if you were any good?' she laughed again because surely he knew it had been good.

'I'm more interested in how it was for you,' he clarified with a certain glibness that belied his true interest in her answer,

'Of course,' she narrowed her eyes, 'you being Pacey Witter, friend to women and all.'

'Precisely,' he nodded, kissing her head.

'Pace, it was...it was nice,' she placed open mouthed kisses on his chest.

'Nice?' his whole chest rumbled with his chuckle.

'Hmmm, very nice,' she smiled into her kisses.

'A guy might hope for an adjective with a little more...zest,' he ran his finger tips up her spine making her shiver.

'Well in my limited experience, it was nice,' she looked up at him and then kissed him because he was hard to resist. 'I just hope it was good for you too.'

'Yes,' he answered a little too quickly and then laughed at himself, 'clearly, yes. You were amazing Jo, every shiny adjective under the sun. Truly.' She kissed him again, 'And I'll do better next time,' he mused into the kiss.

'This time was perfect,' she told him firmly, 'everything you did was perfect,' she thought back to the way he tucked her hair behind her ear and she felt how much she loved him in her bones.

'You come first next time,' he claimed her mouth with his.

'If you insist,' she rolled onto him, surprised to feel him hard between her legs, surprised to feel the instant desire to drive her body down onto his, she rocked against him allowing the tip of his cock to enter her.

'Condom,' he groaned loudly and reached across to a nearby storage box and she watched him tear the packet open and unroll the sheath onto himself. When he was done, he looked up at her and smiled and so she shifted until she could feel him, the tip of him at the apex of her thighs. Using her hands to hold herself away from his chest she slowly pushed down onto him, moaning at the sensation.

'Oh man,' he ran his hands down her spine and to her hips where they encouraged her to rock forward up his body and then back down, the whole movement causing the perfect friction for her, so perfect she groaned,

'Pacey,' his name a lament.

'Feels good,' he concurred gruffly, helping her find a rhythm, until she didn't need his help, until she was moving faster and faster, pushing back onto him harder and harder and then crying out loudly as her body exploded, pleasure radiating out from where they were connected, especially as she felt herself contract around him. Without a pause, he flipped them over and he was pushing in and out of her, faster and harder, until his whole body shook and he groaned into her neck. 'I'm sorry,' he bit her ear lobe.

'Do you always apologize after sex?' she asked with a lazy smirk. 'I honestly can't imagine what you're apologizing for,' she stretched in a feline way loving the fact that he was still inside of her.

'I'm sorry,' he said again and then laughed when she caught his eye with a grin. 'That apology was for apologizing,' he admitted sheepishly.

'And the first one? I mean I clearly enjoyed that greatly.'

'That one...well I wasn't very careful...I..'

'Fucked me,' she whispered with a blush and he nodded, burying his face back in her neck. 'I like you fucking me,' she rubbed the back of his neck with her fingertips.

'Yeah, but maybe I shouldn't do that the second time we have sex,' he brushed a finger over her cheek.

'I liked it. I don't mind. I love that I make you feel like that. I love it,' she shrugged, sincerity dripping from every word.

'So you're happy we just did this?'

'That we had sex?' she clarified.

'Yeah,' his insecurity was yet again clear.

'Oh god yes,' she told him honestly hoping to wipe away his doubt. 'I'm glad that I had sex Pace, and I'm really glad that I had sex with you. I just want to rest now so we can do it again,' she admitted and he chuckled.

'Rest then,' he pulled the sheet over them both.

'Thanks Pace,' she whispered as her eyes fluttered shut. He chuckled softly,

'Anytime Jo.'

**A/N n.b. I deliberately tried to keep the first time physically and verbally a little awkward. I tried to use DC dialogue but to emphasis closeness unlike whatever the show tried to achieve with the disaster of the post sex discussion where it was all about distance. I'm also on strong painkillers after busting my elbow ice skating so anything doesn't make sense, typos etc let me know!**


	22. Chapter 22

**Hey All,**

**Thanks for all the reviews you guys! This is a short chapter, really short, but I hated how the show dealt with the morning after. I know I redid some of the conversation after but this is the next day...**

**Please review you guys!**

**Thanks, Tab:-)**

**Chapter 22**

**The morning after the night before**

Joey awoke to find herself closely entwined with a very naked and very aroused Pacey. She was pressed firmly to his chest, his arms tightly around her, their legs so entangled that she was pretty sure her right one was now a dead leg and that when he finally moved his legs there would be pins and needles. His warm breath was fanning the skin of her neck and his hard on was resting innocently against her stomach. Despite his body's evident _joy_, Pacey was still asleep. Joey took the opportunity to look closely at this boy who was now her lover, examining how long his lashes truly were when splayed across his cheekbones. His hair was a little longer again and she decided that she preferred it that way. The sun had given his skin a warm glow and working on the boat, on a diet of mostly fish, meant his body was slim and toned, with actual muscles. He was utterly gorgeous and she loved him. She knew without a shadow of a doubt that she loved him a ridiculous amount. She ran a gentle finger across his cheek and smiled at his smile. She wanted to kiss him badly, so she reached for her mints and grabbed two popping one in her mouth and feeding the other through his closed lips, then she closed any distance she'd created and pressed her mouth to his.

'Mmmm, morning,' he moaned into the kiss.

'Morning,' she trailed her hand down his side and grasped his erection in her hand.

'Oh fuck,' he cursed kissing her with more urgency and she smiled into the kiss, desperately wanting to feel him inside of her again. She thought to be self conscious, to let him instigate sex, but then she realized that Pacey wouldn't mind who instigated it,

'Will I look like a floozy if I tell you how much I want a repeat of last night?' she asked between kisses and was rewarded with his deep chuckle,

'Floozy up,' he cupped her boobs in his palms and brushed across the nipples with his thumbs, causing her eyes to roll back in her head momentarily.

'Hmmm,' she managed as she moved away from him, his hands falling to her hips as she reached across him and into the storage bin for a condom. 'Can I...put it on you? Or try,' she asked after a second and he nodded, swallowing thickly.

'Ah, sure,' he sat up and leant back on his hands watching as she tore the wrapper and grasped it the way he had the previous night, before placing it on the tip of his cock and carefully rolling it on,

'That ok?' she asked and he nodded. 'Stay like that,' she half ordered and half requested, biting her lip as she took all of him in. She shimmied up his body, kneeling on top of him. She wondered momentarily if she were ready to have sex so soon after waking up, and put her hand between her legs to feel that she was indeed ready, her body apparently craving him as much as her mind did.

'Lemme,' he groaned softly and his hand was between her legs, his finger dancing there before slipping into the warmth, his thumb circling her clit in tight, measured circles that drove her nearly mad.

'Stop,' she rasped and taking hold of his cock, pressed it to the opening between her thighs and pushed herself down onto him hard. He wasn't a small guy and it hurt a little, but only for a few seconds, at which point she began to realize just how much she loved the feeling of him inside her and how she would probably now crave the feeling constantly. She could feel a little pressure in her pelvis so she angled herself until it felt better and then she moved up so he was most of the way out of her and then pushed her body back onto his. It was amazing how something so simple could feel so good. Even though there was no friction on her clit, even though it was creating no build towards an orgasm, if felt amazing, especially when she looked at his half lidded eyes fixed on her in adoration, his hands holding tight to her hips and helping her with each movement. And then he was using his hands to tilt her a little further forward, not a significant amount but apparently enough because she began to feel the tell tale tingle of her body building up to the lofty height it required before she crashed down the other side. He smiled at her then, a soft knowing smile that told her he knew exactly what he was doing, a fact supported by the movement of his hand, until his fingers were pressed over her clit. He didn't move them really, but applied just the right amount of pressure so that when she pushed down onto him it felt divine. She didn't even realize quite how loud she was moaning.

'Oh god, Pacey,' she moaned feeling ever closer.

'I'm gonna come so soon baby,' he groaned softly,

'Not yet,' she begged and slammed her body down onto his several times more until every nerve ending felt like it splintered in an almost alarmingly divine way and she cried out his name, which was apparently enough to send him over the edge and his hips bucked up into hers in an uncoordinated way as he groaned loudly, his hands pushing her down onto him.

'Of fuck, man, Joey...that was unbelievably...amazing...you're so beautiful and gorgeous and man I love you,' he pressed erratic kisses all over her face, before resting his forehead against hers. 'I love you,' he repeated.

'Give me a sec,' she was panting, her skin hot and sweaty against his, his cock still inside of her due to her inability to find the will to move. 'Hmmm, I love you too,' she agreed, she dropped entirely onto his chest. 'I need a shower,' she said at length and he laughed, somehow extricating him self from inside of her without actually creating any real distance between them.

'Yeah, sex can be a little messy,' he pressed more kisses to the hand he'd dragged to his lips.

'It can be lot amazing.'

'What d'ya know, I improved on nice!' he grinned and she used the hand he was holding near his lips, to slap him softly around the face.

'Yesterday was amazing too, you doofus. You were asking a virgin to describe her first sexual encounter with her far more experienced lover...nice meant everything.'

'Then nice is my new favourite adjective,' he stated in a grand manner.

'You're the adjective King,' she rolled her eyes.

'Just because you can't muster up a description beyond nice,' he teased.

'I'm sorry I didn't bring my thesaurus,' she pursed her lips and widened her eyes and he laughed,

'Ahh, there's no place for a thesaurus in this bed...'

'Unless you're wanting a description of the prowess...then I imagine you'd welcome a thesaurus...'

'Jo, you're you...your brain is a thesaurus,' he teased, tracing patterns across her shoulder blades with his finger. 'And perhaps I _am_ wanting that description...'

'So let's say I'm feeling less virginal this morning...' she began and he grinned broadly,

'A whole lot less,' he waggled his eyebrows.

'Yes you deflowered me Pace, congratulations,' she rolled her eyes.

'Back to the prowess description,' he urged and she giggled,

'Ok, so with my less than virginal mindset on I could describe your prowess as addictive, as insanely addictive in how utterly divine you make it feel to have your body inside of mine. You are amazing Pacey. However sex is between us, it is amazing and I love every moment. I could become seriously addicted to sex with you Pacey.'

'That was like music to my ears,' he nudged his nose into the skin of her neck, right up close to her ear causing a sliding sensation to swoop through her body.

'You like me feeding your ego, huh?' she smiled widely.

'I love you feeding my ego,' he agreed readily and she laughed,

'Pace, you know you're good with women. Everyone knows that. You're first sexual experience was with a woman twenty years older,' she tried to say it lightly but he clearly picked up on something,

'Hey,' he moved so he could look at her, 'are you bothered by that?'

'Bothered that you weren't a virgin too?' she asked rhetorically, 'no, Pace,' she rolled her eyes because he could be really dumb sometimes, 'But, you know, I do wonder how I measure against two previous sexual partners who meant an awful lot to you.'

'Girls worry about stuff like that?' he frowned and she was pretty sure her eyes were going to get stuck rolling around and around in her sockets,

'Um, duh, yeah,' she prodded his stomach with her forefinger.

'I would never compare you, ever,' he told her vehemently and whilst she believed him she had to ask,

'But if you had to?'

'We're discussing your sexual prowess now huh?' he grinned widely and so she tickled his sides. 'Ok, ok...uncle,' he begged and she stopped tickling, staring at him expectantly instead.

'Jo before last night I wanted to have sex with you. I mean I'm a teenage boy and I'm in love with you, I adore you. Wanting to have sex with you was a total given. Now I've had sex with you...well, I want sex with you more than ever. I concur with your addictive sentiment. I find the thought of being inside you pretty much instantly arousing,' he took her hand and placed it on his now apparent hard on making her smile. 'You were fantastic. You make me feel fantastic and really...I couldn't compare you with anyone else because they don't compare...'

'You say the sweetest things,' she teased softly, her cheeks burning red.

'I say the truth,' he shrugged, moaning slightly as her hand gently squeezed him and then ran up and down.

'I really need a shower,' she kissed his chest, kisses that trailed up his neck until she was kissing him.

'I really don't care,' his words muffled by the kiss, but making her smile none the less.

* * *

'Feel better?' Pacey asked meeting Joey outside of the shower block.

'I feel clean. I already felt amazing,' she slipped her hands onto his waist and he smiled down at her, the big happy smile she adored.

'Ok, pick one,' he stepped back and waggled his closed hands in front of her. She tapped his left hand. 'Pick the other one,' he told her and she tapped it. He opened his hand to reveal several foil covered chocolate hearts. She bit her lip feeling suddenly bashful. 'I know it's hardly the most equal of exchanges. You give me your virginity, I give you a bunch of candy hearts. But I wanted to give you something. To commemorate the event.'

'Had I known there were prizes involved, I would've asked for a car. Nothing too expensive. Just something to tool around in,' she teased feeding her hands up his t-shirt and sniffing him indulgently.

'How about the Witter Wagoneer? I can give you the Witter Wagoneer if you want,' he offered gamely.

'The Witter Wagoneer? Do I look like some two-bit floozie to you?' she arched a questioning brow and he shook his head laughing.

'You look like a girl I wanna take on a date,' he told her tucking the hearts into her back pack and then wrapping his arm around her.

'Chocolate hearts and a date, wow Pace,' she let out a low whistle.

'You gave me your virginity,' he shrugged, but she snuck a look at his face.

'You're pleased about that aren't you?'

'Delighted,' he admitted honestly, 'I mean I wouldn't have cared if you weren't a virgin,' he rushed to add, 'but you gave _it_ to me,' he smiled, 'and I can't deny that that makes me feel special.'

'Well given that I gave you that, sure, I'd love to be taken on a date. But aren't we preserving money for when Jack and Jen are here?'

'You're gonna love me,' he widened his eyes theatrically. 'I got us a job.'

'And I'm going to need another shower aren't I?' she asked glumly.

'You sure are baby, unless you wanna go out tonight smelling like fish.'

'Ugh.'

'I'm sorry,' he wrinkled his nose.

'Hey, I'm not one to shy away from a little hard work,' she kissed him, 'but I expect a lot of loving later to make me feel sweeter about it all.'

'You drive a tough bargain,' he muttered sarcastically.

'Yeah, yeah.'


	23. Chapter 23

**Ok, so this is really, really M. I've been married since I was 23, so ten years now, but those early days of intimacy when you literally can't get enough of each other...really important to do them justice, in my opinion anyway.**

**I'm glad everyone is enjoying this and I'm loving the reviews, so please keep it up. Reviews = Motivation! Thank you for taking the time to let me know what you think!**

**Tab:-)**

**Chapter 23**

**Getting ridiculous**

'Pacey,' Joey protested, though her protest lacked any true feeling behind it, especially when she gasped loudly as he rocked back into her.

'I know, I know...they might be here any minute,' he groaned as her legs wrapped around him, driving him deeper into her with each movement.

'They cannot discover us like this,' she wrapped her hands around his face and stared into his eyes, but he only chuckled and rocked almost entirely out of her before driving back in, close enough that her eyes practically rolled back in her head. 'Ohhhh,' she sighed.

'Face it Potter, we're nearly constantly entwined...chances of discovery are high,' he moaned as she lifted her hips to meet his.

'But...'

'And of all positions we might be discovered in, this is less of a visual, I mean earlier when you were on all fours and...' he attempted to sound calming but his groan ruined it,

'Pacey,' she complained at his vivid description.

'Oh god, I'm gonna come baby...' he pressed a sloppy kiss to her lips.

'Give me like ten seconds,' she begged and continued to thrust her hips up to meet his until her body unravelled beneath him as his hips bucked haphazardly and he groaned loudly.

'Finally we manage to come together again,' he grinned widely.

'Hmmm getting better at it,' she murmured feeling utterly soporific. 'Well done,' she told him patting his back dismissively.

'I think we may have to sleep on the boat rather than this tent,' he told her.

'And whys that?'

'You're loud, I'm loud and we are ridiculously addicted to sex at the moment.'

'At the moment, huh?' she raised her eyebrows in amusement.

'All the time,' he chuckled, removing the condom and pulling her close.

'Pace, you know that I cannot be heard having sex, right? I can't. I'm not that person. They can't catch us either and I mean it,' she told him firmly. 'I find this stuff too personal...'

'It's not that you're worried they'll mention it to Dawson is it?' he asked and she rolled her eyes,

'I'll mention it to Dawson if you're worried about that. I wasn't planning to broadcast the fact to him because I don't exactly want to hurt him more than we already have,' she told him but then she sighed, 'not that Dawson should be anything to do with our relationship.'

'Dawson is always something to do with our relationship,' he told her far too glumly for her liking.

'Pace, we just had sex. You were inside me a couple of minutes ago and you want to talk about Dawson? You have got to hear me when I tell you that I love you. That I want you. I'm not embarrassed about people knowing you and I are completely together, even though I don't really want to rub it in Dawson's face. It must be obvious I'm gonna tell Jen we slept together and let's face it, it won't take long for Jack to figure it out I'm sure - I mean we're clearly _close_. I get embarrassed about people hearing the details, of people being around the details.'

'Well that I understand,' he admitted looking sheepish, 'and it's really wrong of me to bring up another guy when we're together like this. I'm sorry.'

'It's ok,' she ran a hand across his forehead and cupped his cheek. 'It's ok,' she kissed him then, a kiss that grew increasingly heated until she was rolling on top of him and rocking against him, pleased to find him recovered enough for her to do so.

'God Joey,' his voice rumbled into the kiss but she didn't break it, just slid her body up his until the tip of his cock was tauntingly close to being inside of her.

'This is ridiculous,' she groaned, moving just slightly so he slid a little ways into her.

'Doesn't feel ridiculous,' he responded his hands grasping her hips and ensuring that he didn't go all the way inside of her.

'We can't stop doing it,' she groaned reaching beside them and snatching up a condom which she squashed into his hand, lifting her body just enough for him to put it on before she sunk her body down onto him moaning loudly.

'I like doing this with you,' he stared up at her, watching her rock her body down onto his repeatedly, her hands on his chest bracing herself.

'Mmmm, me too,' she agreed, loving the feel of his heart racing under her hands, the look on his face each time she drove her body down onto his, a look that was something like a cross between being nearly overwhelmed and utter desire. His look told her how much he wanted her. 'But we do it an awful lot,' she moaned as she altered her angle slightly and all of a sudden something was working very, very well.

'Oh fuck that feels good,' Pacey brushed his thumb across her nipple and then trailed his hand down between them, rubbing her clit. The effect of his thumb on her clit was instantaneous, and she cried out loudly, her whole body shaking as she continued to move on top of him as her orgasm rolled through her. Even as it ended she kept shaking, her toes still curled and her hands gripping his shoulders. Then she slumped on top of him, entirely spent.

'You have to finish yourself cos I can't move,' she mumbled into his neck.

'Hmmm, ok,' he laughed as he rolled them over and began to move.

'Mmmm,' she moaned because he always managed to make it feel so good.

'God Joey, you're so gorgeous,' his hand grasped at her boob, squeezing the flesh softly,

'Harder,' she urged him, and used her hands to indicate that she wanted him to move harder and faster,

'Fuck,' he groaned until he was bucking against her even faster and then almost yelling out, before he collapsed on top of her, pressing wet, sloppy kisses all over her face.

'We are ridiculous, you see?' she asked but was smiling.

'Hmm, maybe we are ridiculous, maybe this inability to keep our hands off one another is ridiculous but I happen to really enjoy being ridiculous!' He gave her a look, a challenge to disagree but she just laughed,

'I've never had so much fun being so ridiculous,' she concurred.

'I love you Joey,' he told her softly and she frowned slightly at the change in the conversation. 'Don't look at me like that. I just like to tell you all the time, because I feel it all the time - even when we're discussing our "at it like bunnies" problem...'

'I wouldn't call it a problem,' she hedged.

'Not now, no. But when Jack and Jen are here it could be a little frustrating...'

'A little frustration will surely make it feel oh so much better when we have alone time?' she gave him a saucy little look and he grinned.

'Hmmm, I think you might have a point,' he agreed and then looked at her with wide eyes at the sound of a car door slamming and then a voice,

'That's the tent and this is the spot,' Jen was saying, her voice bright and happy.

'Do you think they're here?' Jack asked, equally upbeat, 'look at this place...I'm wishing we took off for the whole summer as well.'

'I know, and look at the awesome pitch they got! And they should be here. I mean, they said they'd hang out here until we arrived,' Jen said and Joey could almost see her shrug.

'We're here,' she called out rolling her eyes at Pacey who looked utterly panicked and gestured to the fact that they were naked and that he was indeed still inside of her. 'We are here and...'

'Well come out and say hi,' Jen yelled and at the sound of a tent zip both Joey and Pacey yelled loudly in unison,

'No!'

'No what?' Jack was laughing and the zipper was still unzipping.

'Just no, don't come in the tent man, please um...' Pacey hurried to say, pulling out of her and pulling a blanket over them both in case.

'Are you coming out?' Jen asked pointedly, 'or you need a little while?'

'We may need...uh...a minute,' Pacey shrugged helplessly at Joey who had wide panicked eyes,

'Whys that then?' Jen was obviously smirking, even if they couldn't see her.

'Go check out the beach,' Joey told her through the canvas and Jen laughed,

'You'll meet us there?'

'Mmm, yeah,' Joey agreed.

'Have fun,' Jack told them both with a giggle and Joey pressed her burning face into Pacey's shoulder.

'They didn't see or hear anything,' he defended and she found herself laughing.

'Still mortifying,' she gasped through her laughter, 'Come on, let's get dressed, I can't wait to see them.'

'Sure, sure,' he moved off of her and pressed a kiss to her lips before sorting out the condom and passing her her bikini.

'Make sure we get rid of _all_ evidence...' she warned pulling on her bikini bottoms.

'They'll still know what we were doing,' he teased.

'No, they'll be suspicious,' she dropped her bikini top and wrapped her arms around his neck pulling him roughly to her so she could kiss him. It took him a second but then he was kissing her back with total abandon, his arms entwining her tightly against his body.

'We have to go,' he grumbled,

'Hmmm, yeah,' she agreed but didn't stop kissing him for another minute. 'Ok...better now,' she murmured bending down to retrieve her bikini top and turning so he could tie it at the back. She grabbed her sarong from beside the air mattress and tied it around her waist,

'You may want to tie back your hair, I mean I love the sexed up look but if you're trying not to be obvious, obvious...'

'Fine,' she tipped her head forward and grabbing her hair tied it back in an elastic. 'Better?'

'Much,' he grinned tugging on his t-shirt, and unzipping their private section of the large tent and then the main door, before reaching for her hand, after closing the zip behind them.

* * *

Jen and Jack were sat in the beach soaking up the sun, Jack wearing a pair of ridiculously bright swimming shorts and Jen in a blue bikini.

'Hey guys,' Joey called and then they were jumping up and all hugging.

'God, you guys look disgustingly tanned and relaxed,' Jen grinned.

'And happy,' Jack added.

'Let's just say the boating life agrees with us,' Pacey shrugged easily,

'Sure, sure, that's what it is,' Jen rolled her eyes.

'It's the boating life that stopped us entering that tent huh?' Jacks smile was both cheeky and gleeful.

'It was Pacey's bare ass that stopped you entering the tent,' Joey quipped with a little blush.

'Joey, we all know Pacey has a perfectly delightful derrière, so if he's sticking it in the air without any clothes on, you really aught to share,' Jen said seriously.

'He's my boyfriend, and therefore his posterior is mine.'

'All the fancy words in the world for ass can't cover up the fact that you and Pacey were naked in that tent together Jo. If you were planning on that being a secret you're just gonna have to say please...' Jack gave her an affectionate hug.

'It's not a secret but please can we not broadcast the fact.'

'Of course,' Jack grinned.

'Ok, so Joey and I are going for a little walk,' Jen slipped her arm into Joey's. 'You boys get on with the manly bonding thing and we'll see you for dinner.'

'See ya Pace,' Joey kissed his cheek, 'catch up with you later Jack.'

'Yeah, yeah, bye,' Jen waved cheerily and dragged Joey up the beach. 'Ok spill. Despite all our teasing and innuendo Jack doesn't think you were actually doing more than making out with a lack of clothing. I want the truth now Ms Potter?'

'Remember the argument?'

'Of course. You said you made up?' Jen frowned.

'You told me to go screw his brains out? You remember that?' Joey looked pointedly at her friend.

'And you did!' Jen started to laugh, 'oh god Joey I am so proud of you right now.'

'Proud of me?' Joey frowned.

'I was so worried Dawson was going to mess with you and Pacey. Not in any devious underhanded way, but that emotionally he was going to take a toll on you both - you in particular. I figured with the whole calling you a slut business he'd make you self conscious. I'm proud that you're embracing what you have with your hot boyfriend entirely.'

'Well then, I'm proud of me too,' Joey rolled her eyes in a self deprecating way but Jen just smiled at her.

'And?' she asked.

'And what?'

'And, was it good? Is it good? I assume you were _fucking_ in the tent?'

'Jen,' Joey felt her skin heat up.

'Joey,' Jen mimicked her tone,

'Suffice to say it is fabulous,' Joey admitted coyly.

'Suffice nothing, I want details,' Jen elbowed Joey in the ribs. 'Lots of details.'

'Like what?' Joey dragged Jen into a small shop and bought them both a can of diet coke which they took back to the beach.

'Position?' Jen asked promptly as they sat on the sand.

'How can I even begin to answer that...' Joey began,

'Wow, that many,' Jen interrupted with a pleased smile.

'Jen,' Joey nudged her shoulder into Jen's.

'Ok the first time?'

'You know...him on top...'

'Missionary,' Jen nodded wisely. 'Don't underestimate missionary position.'

'I don't,' Joey flushed.

'Has he made you come yet?' Jen asked, watching her friend turn and even darker shade of red, 'I mean during sex.'

'Not the first time, but now he makes sure I come first every time,' Joey couldn't quite hide her pride in this fact, and practically glowed at Jen's impressed look,

'That's no surprise to me at all, knowing Pacey.'

'No, I suppose not,' Joey conceded.

'You're glad then? That you decided to do it?'

'I'm very glad I decided to do it with Pacey,' Joey shrugged.

'Wow, you're a woman now,' Jen mused with a sideways glance at Joey, fighting her smile.

'Haha,' Joey nudged Jen's shoulder with her own.

'I am kidding around, but you know, I still want more details,' Jen stated bluntly.

'Like what?' Joey still hadn't lost her blush.

'How often are you having sex?'

'Jen, what does that have to do with anything?' Joey stared out at the sea.

'Everything,' Jen stated simply, also staring at the horizon.

'We're having sex a lot. I mean an awful lot. Except for the painful five days when I had my period...or maybe three days,' she knew she must look like a beetroot.

'Well ok then,' Jen chuckled softly.

'Why did you ask then?' Joey turned to her friend, interested in the answer.

'If you weren't ready, or you weren't sure...I guess it wouldn't be like that. That's what I've found to be true...'

'You mean in your experience?' Joey was now staring at Jen not the horizon.

'Yeah. In my experience. When I rushed into things with a guy, and I didn't really want to...well I wasn't at it all the time...I didn't do it at the start and the end of my period because I was so desperate for him.'

'He begged Jen, and God he's so hard to resist,' Joey defended.

'Oh I don't judge you. Come on, the start and end are nothing...nothing but understandable. That boy worships you. He worships you so much every girl in school is jealous because they want to be worshiped the same way.'

'That's not true,' Joey rolled her eyes but Jen nodded vehemently,

'It is true. They want a guy to look at them that way and then they want Pacey because no other guy ever does, and the guys - they all want you because he looks at you like he's the luckiest guy alive.'

'I'm the lucky one,' Joey told Jen who frowned, 'seriously Jen, I am. Why does everyone miss how special he is? He's smart...probably smarter than anyone else I know, but no one seems to get it because he hides it behind this Labrador puppy, heart on sleeve, glib exterior.'

'You get it,' Jen said simply, 'and for Pacey that means more than anyone.'

'Enough anyway, I want you to tell me every single story from the road trip down here and you leave nothing out.'

'That is a long, long story...' Jen warned.

'I have a long, long time, you know,' Joey grinned.

'Well ok then...'

* * *

'It's nice having them here, right?' Pacey whispered in her ear when the tent was finally silent, or as silent as it was going to get with Jen's gentle snore, and Jack's less gentle snore.

'Great having them. Their snoring? Not so much,' Joey teased softly.

'They're just tired - they drive seven hours today, seven yesterday and I don't know how many the day before.'

'I have to admit I prefer the boating trip down. I don't do so well on long road trips.'

'As I recall,' he smirked and when she thwacked him gently in the chest he explained. 'We argue over music, you hate crumbs and there's always that moment when you turn a little green,' he slipped his hands under her tank, as she turned and pressed her back against his chest, loving the feel of him up close to her, his evident arousal pressing against her behind.

'I turned a little ogre green those first few days on the boat,' she mused, sighing at the feel of his hands on her skin.

'Hmm, you're always beautiful, even as ogrey.'

'Is that an attempt to mix Joey and ogre together?' she asked scathingly.

'Too right,' he grinned. Not that she could see his face in the dark and with her back to him but she could feel it against the skin of her neck.

'It's really dark,' she whispered.

'Could you be really, really quiet? I mean if I just...' as he spoke he trailed his hand down her body and pushed it under the waistband of her shorts - or rather his boxers she was wearing, and brushed his thumb over her clit as he ran a finger across her tantalizingly.

'They're right there through two bits if canvas,' she half hissed, half moaned.

'Asleep,' he encouraged, his finger teasing her by not quite making it inside of her.

'Mmmm, they are,' she agreed, 'but still...'

'Joey, please,' he begged placing warm, open mouthed kisses on her neck before nipping her ear lobe, and clearly encouraged by her quiet whimper he pushed not one but two fingers inside of her, his thumb brushing at her clit with almost too much skill, as a loud moan filled the snore filled silence.

'Pacey,' she protested but he didn't relent.

'I wanna be in you,' he breathed the words into her ear and her whole body felt like it clenched in anticipation.

'Pace,' she stated his name unsure whether she was begging him to stop or begging him to continue.

'You're so gorgeous Joey, you drive me so crazy. It's been so hard holding back all day, not touching you like I want to touch you...'

'You didn't hold back all that much,' she laughed softly, arching her butt against him, loving his soft moan and the way his hips drove forward against her.

'But I wanted to be inside you,' he pushed the boxers she was wearing down her legs and his fingers were then back between her legs, pushing in and out of her with more enthusiasm.

'We have to be quiet,' she relented,

'I can be quiet,' he was already wriggling out of his shorts and pushing her knees up slightly towards her chest and brushing the tip of his cock against her.

'Ohhhh,' she sighed and her hips thrust back against him instinctively and they both moaned as he slid into her.

'God, no, condom,' he hissed jerking out of her,

'You need to get tested because that felt amazing...'

'Get tested?' he asked as he reached for a condom, batting about in the dark, looking for the tent pocket he'd stuffed them in,

'Bessie says it's ok to forgo condoms if you've been tested and are clean, I'm on the pill, and we're completely committed.'

'I'm like a million percent committed,' he was fumbling in the dark. 'And I was tested after Andie and I broke up, even though we always used protection.'

'So why are you messing around with that stupid condom in the dark instead of inside of me?' she pushed her butt back against him.

'Fuck Joey, you have no idea how much I wanna just do that,' his hand grasped roughly at her chest, and she could feel him hot and hard between her legs, 'but I love you and I'm not risking anything.'

'But you've been tested,' she told him.

'That's not what I'm worried about,' he was back to attempting to put on the condom in the dark. Sighing she fumbled around for the flashlight and then held it up for him. 'Thanks,' he smiled at her in the flashlight beam.

'What are you worried about? I promise you that there's zero chance I have anything,' she pouted slightly over her shoulder at him and he leant forward and kissed her,

'I know you're on the pill Joey, but I clearly come from a fertile family and Kerry - she got pregnant on the pill because she had a stomach bug and threw up.'

'I haven't thrown up Pace,' she frowned.

'Except for the night when it got stormy and we were below deck and you felt all sea sick...it was just a little but I don't want to risk...'

'Pacey I love you,' she whispered still looking at him over her shoulder.

'Huh?' he frowned.

'Because even though I'm telling you to have sex with me without anything, you won't because you want to be extra sure.'

'Well I love you. I don't wanna fuck up do I?' he stared at her.

'No,' she smiled at him. 'Are we protected?' she asked and he nodded, 'then what are you waiting for?' she felt him shift behind her until he was pressing against her and she shifted so he could slide into her slick entrance. 'That feels so good,' she pressed herself back against him so that he was deeper inside of her. It was a slightly awkward angle with him curled around her from behind, but even though he was moving slower, each thrust of his hips seemed to take him deeper into her, hitting every pleasure nerve ending on its why.

'You gotta be quiet gorgeous,' he bit at her lobe and she gasped loudly, a low moan following it, and her hips slamming back into his. He groaned and bit down on her shoulder,

'You be quiet,' she managed to whisper.

'You can both be quiet,' Jen's voice floated through the canvas and both Joey and Pacey flushed bright red and stilled their movements, 'it's hard enough to sleep with Jack snoring let alone pretending I can't hear the two of you. Give me thirty seconds to put in my earphones and get some music on.'

'Sorry,' Joey squeaked through mortified laughter.

'I'll make you pay, don't you worry. Almost sorted the music, ok, so five, four, three, two, one and continue...'

'That was you,' Pacey accused moving out and then back into her abruptly, his fingers finding her clit and his lips her neck.

'No,' she whimpered, 'you're making me make noise,' she pushed back against him rewarded by his deep groan,

'You're one to talk,' he argued keeping up his momentum with both his fingers and his hips until she couldn't stop the noises she was making, her hand reaching backwards to rake through his hair and tug onto the short strands.

'Pacey,' she pushed one of her legs back so it was draped over his and then she came apart, everything becoming centred on where they were connected, and then streaming out to the very extremities of her body, her hips pushing back against his and the hand not in his hair pressing down on top of his hand that was between her legs. His hips jerked back and forth until he groaned, bucking into her, his mouth biting softly at the curve of her neck, just above her shoulder.

'It should be a sin to be as fucking amazing as you are,' he half growled and she loved hearing him say it, her whole body glowing - half in bodily pleasure and the other half in mental pleasure at his words.

'We should sleep on the boat,' she turned, hating that it meant he slipped out of her, but loving that she could press her head to his chest. 'We can be as loud as we want there.'

'Mmm, I love it when you're loud,' he purred into her ear.

'I don't,' Jen's voice again.

'Oh god,' Joey gasped and burrowed down into their covers,

'Oh god? I thought you were done,' Jen was clearly finding it all very amusing,

'Nothing's happening here except Joey dying of humiliation,' Pacey stated boldly, utterly amused.

'I told you I'm a private person,' Joey hissed.

'Then next time, do _that_, in private,' Jen was laughing now.

'We're in semi private. We're in our own section of the tent,' Pacey was chuckling which made his argument less convincing.

'You might wanna try somewhere with even a hint of sound proofing.'

'She means the boat,' Joey groused from under the blanket.

'I mean the boat,' Jen agreed through the canvas.

'We're sorry,' Joey's face burned as she made the simple apology.

'Ah, don't apologize, I'm glad you guys are happy. I'm glad the sex is _so_ good,' she was giggling again and Joey moaned with embarrassment.

'Go easy on her Lindley, the poor girl is literally burning with horror right now,' Pacey brushed the blanket off Joey and looked at her lying with her hands covering her face.

'I really couldn't hear with my music on, maybe just at the end there, but nothing distinct. You're all good,' Jen told them easily. 'Now I need sleep, so hush.'

'Will do,' Pacey agreed.

'Remember the whole, I'm a private person conversation?' Joey whispered 'how I didn't want anyone near the details?' her whisper had become a hiss.

'I'm sorry, I did remember, I guess I thought we could be quieter.'

'Apparently we can't,' she frowned.

'Don't be mad, please Joey,' he pressed a kiss to her forehead, 'I'm sorry, I am. They were asleep and you're you and I just thought, well how nice it would feel, how much I want you,' he pulled her tight against him. 'It was only Jen and she's your best friend. She didn't hear anything really,' he consoled, his arms tight as his hands soothed.

'Oh, it's not all your fault,' she admitted grudgingly, 'but tomorrow the boat.'

'The boat,' he agreed. 'I love you.'

'Love you too,' she pressed a kiss to the area above his heart, her favourite spot to kiss.


	24. Chapter 24

**Hi All,**

**Thanks for reviews, favourites and just reading! I feel we need to be through summer - answer the question at the end if you have an opinion:-)**

**Thanks, Tab :-)**

**p.s.T80 - you ok? I know real life can get in the way of fanfiction lol**

**Chapter 24 **

**The Phonecall**

The truth of it was, having Jen and Jack with them in Key West was a blast. Pacey and Jack were big on male bonding, whilst Jen dragged Joey shopping, to look at cute boys and to have deep and meaningfuls out on the sand. Occasionally Jen and Pacey would go for a pootle in the boat, and Joey and Jack would hang out, or go draw something. Joey and Pacey were more than happy to be with their friends but would find many a moment to disappear off together, whether it was for a stroll along the beach, alone time below deck, or just for the opportunity to talk. Mostly the four of them hung out together, sunbathing or swimming, eating lunch at an outdoor cafe. Pacey found somewhere that would sell him alcohol and they'd spend evenings on the deck of True Love eating chips, drinking beers and playing cards, evenings that ended in the early morning after Pacey and Joey stumbled below deck half entwined, and Jen and Jack made their way back to the tent. It was idyllic and fun, and Joey didn't think she'd ever been happier, not for many, many years.

'Can I ask you something Joey?' Jen asked one day, a week into their vacation. The two of them were laying in the sun whilst Jack and Pacey mucked about in the water.

'You overheard me having sex Jen, I think that means all barriers between us are officially obliterated,' Joey deadpanned and Jen giggled,

'Have you called Dawson?' she turned her head and looked at Joey over the top of her shades.

'Hmmm,' Joey stared at Pacey as he threw the frisbee back to Jack. He was so tall and strong, and she loved the way his biceps stood out, and the subtle v shape that was just visible above the waist band of his swimming trunks.

'I know he's hot, but focus.'

'Was he always this gorgeous?' Joey asked and Jen giggled again,

'He was always cute but he was young. Let's say a summer of boating and lots of sex have helped define his body.'

'Truly they have,' Joey agreed still staring and wondering whether she might be able to steal him away from the others.

'Now stop evading the question,' Jen ordered breaking into her thoughts and Joey sighed,

'The truth is I called once and no one was home, so I left a message. I called another time and had an awkward conversation with Mrs Leery, or Gale as I'm now supposed to call her.'

'And what did you and _Gale_ discuss?'

'She asked about the trip and I asked about Dawson. Neither of us gave much away. I said we'd invited him down with you guys but she didn't seem to know anything about it, so I said that probably meant he wasn't coming.'

'He was undecided even as we left. He said he'd think about it. I still think he and Andie might decide to drive down for the fourth,' Jen shrugged.

'Which makes me feel like an awful friend,' Joey admitted.

'Huh? I don't get it.'

'Because I'd rather they didn't. I mean yes, it would be a positive step in mending bridges, but the four of us is fun. Pacey and I can be ourselves.'

'No kidding,' Jen teased loving her friends pink cheeks,

'If they were here everything would be awkward. Conversation would be stilted, I couldn't, I don't know, sit on Pacey's lap to play cards, or kiss him whenever I wanted...'

'Or have sex within others hearing...'

'Oh ha. Shut up about that,' Joey thwacked Jen playfully on the arm.

'Sure, sure,' Jen bit her lip in amusement.

'That was once.'

'Sometimes I'm half convinced I can hear you from the boat,' Jen continued to tease.

'You cannot,' Joey huffed.

'Only if we arrive in the morning and you're not done,' Jen laughed.

'Well you have Henry and I'm sure one day soon I'll be hearing all about it, even if not actually hearing _it_.'

'Hmm, hopefully that's true,' Jen nodded.

'Now let's discuss Mr Hot on the boat four berths down,' Joey decided there was little point being truly embarrassed given that it only served to fuel Jen's teasing.

'What about him?'

'Well he clearly has a thing for Jack, and Jack clearly has a thing for him. I think we should invite him over for poker tonight.'

'I think that's a good plan,' Jen nodded. 'Pacey will get beers?'

'Yeah,' Joey nodded and flushed.

'Well that's a strange response for such an innocent question. Do tell?'

'Oh hell no, that's way too embarrassing,' Joey shook her head.

'Joey...' Jen sing songed.

'All I'm saying is it may have involved a little um...you know pretending to be people we aren't,' Joey half huffed.

'Joey Potter,' Jen let out a whistle, 'will you never cease to impress me.'

'I'm not giving details,' Joey shot Jen a glare.

'Spoil sport,' Jen glared back until they both smiled.

'It was fun.'

'You don't say?' Jen rolled her eyes.

'Have you ever...you know, been a little adventurous?'

'Me?' Jen laughed and shook her head, 'it is a sad fact that I've never been with a guy long enough to be adventurous, to be confident and secure enough to be adventurous.'

'Well it wasn't _that_ adventurous. I mean we were being silly, and one thing led to another...'

'I'm utterly envious of your sex life,' Jen admitted.

'You'll have that too, you know.'

'I know,' Jen agreed, 'I do know, but I don't have it right now.'

'Do you wish Henry was here? Or that you were where Henry is?'

'I don't know Joey. I know that I'm glad I chased after him, that I said goodbye properly. I just can't help thinking that we aren't into things like we should be. I mean we are nothing like you and Pace, and I mean that as a compliment to you guys. You're nice to be around, yeah a little affectionately full on but really, it's nice to be around you because you give me something to aspire to. And what I have with Henry - well it isn't anything like what you guys have. I want what you guys have.'

'I wish for a Pacey for all my friends, because truly, I am happy, and he is wonderful. But you are wonderful too so I have no doubt you'll find your Pacey, who of course won't be Pacey or maybe anything like him, but will be someone who makes you feel like he makes me feel.'

'Thanks,' Jen smiled.

'So shall we go ask Mr Hot now?'

'Actually I wanted to suggest something,' Jen suddenly looked awkward.

'Well suggest away,' Joey shrugged easily.

'Yeah sorry, we kinda digressed,' Jen smiled, 'I was going to suggest that you call Dawson.'

'Call Dawson?'

'Yes,' Jen nodded. 'Everything you said about hoping he doesn't come down here, all of that, I actually agree, but I think that things stand a better chance of returning to normal if you make one last effort.'

'You're probably right,' Joey sighed. 'In fact I know you're right.'

'Wanna go now?'

'Strike while the iron is hot and all that,' Joey agreed. 'I should probably tell Pace.'

'Let's just go do it, you can tell him after,' Jen gestured to where Jack and Pacey were mucking about out in the water with the frisbee.

'But it's _Dawson_,' Joey attempted.

'Who's just a friend. You've called him before.'

'True,' Joey held out a hand and pulled Jen to her feet. By some unknown force Joey looked to Pacey and at the same moment he looked at her, a huge grin on his face. Joey made a hand signal for a phone and blew him a kiss. He threw him self back in the water as if the kiss had had a huge impact and Joey laughed, before walking off the beach with Jen.

* * *

The phone rang so long that she almost hung up. Just as she was about to, the ringing broke off and she heard a shuffling followed by a slightly somber hello. She decided to channel her inner enthusiasm,

'Dawson hi! It's Joey.'

'I recognize your voice,' it could have been an affectionate comment but Joey didn't think it sounded very affectionate. She looked to Jen who gave her an encouraging smile.

'How are you? I've tried to get hold of you a few times.'

'Twice,' he clarified.

'It's not always easy to find a phone,' she defended but she knew she probably could have tried him more often.

'I'm sure,' he muttered and she knew that he was hinting at something derogatory about her and Pacey.

'I haven't called more because I haven't really known what to say Dawson,' she stated firmly. 'I'm sorry you're hurt, I'm sorry that you can't be friends with me and I'm really sorry that you are so angry at Pacey. I haven't called because you don't want to know how anything is going. You don't want to hear about the fun things we've done, the places we've seen and how amazing everything is.'

'So you're still _in love_?' and the way he said it made it sound cheap.

'Dawson,' she really didn't want to go there, 'I rang to ask if you and Andie wanted to come down for the fourth? We have a tent pitched and...'

'As if either of us want to stay in a tent with you and Pacey.'

'We sleep on the boat,' she said simply.

'Right,' he let out a bitter bark of laughter.

'Dawson, Pacey and I are together, but you know what? You, Pacey and I - we've been friends for a long, long time. Does that really all have to end because I fell in love with him and he fell in love with me? We didn't do that to hurt you. And Dawson, just because we love each other it doesn't mean that we feel any differently about you. You're still important to me like you were before Pacey and I. I need you in my life Dawson. I can't force you to feel differently and you can't force me to feel differently, but I'd hope our friendship means something. I want you to be happy, but I'd hope that wouldn't come at the expense of my happiness.'

'I'm not sure what you're asking of me,' he stated and she hated his cold voice.

'I'm asking for you to come to Key West. Jump on a bus, on a plane, in a car and come and have fun with your friends.'

'You're asking me to watch the two of you together, in close proximity.'

'I'm asking you to hang out with your friends. I love Pacey. I really, really love him and I think he's the most gorgeous boy alive. You should be here teasing me about how I used to call him a cretin and could imagine nothing worse than him touching me, in fact I wouldn't contemplate it. You should be making fun of us and finding some cute girl to kiss down on the sand.'

'I should go.'

'I gave your mom all the details. I hope you change your mind.'

'I hope I do too,' he admitted and hung up.

* * *

'Hey Jo,' Pacey climbed down the stairs and appeared in the doorway of the cabin, his chest bare and his hair still wet from the water, a complete Adonis of a silhouette. She found herself licking her lips despite the slight headache she'd gotten after spending too much time in the sun, a headache that had forced her off the beach in search of tablets and her bed. Seeing her less than subtle appreciation of him, Pacey stepped right into the cabin, and flopped himself onto the bed beside her, kissing her soundly, his wet hair causing a cascade of drips.

'Pacey,' she protested without much conviction, but then put her head against his chest and took several long, indulgent breaths.

'How are you feeling? I came straight back when Jen said you weren't feeling great.'

'You didn't have to. I said that to Jen, to tell you to stay. I'm honestly fine, just a bit lightheaded from the sun and I have the start of a headache.'

'Well, you lie down and sleep.'

'I was,' she pointed out with a smile, 'till my hot, wet boyfriend interrupted my peace and quiet.'

'I wanna lie here with you,' he pouted.

'Sure,' she didn't protest because the thought of lying in his arms was utterly appealing.

'Lemme get you some meds and a glass of water,' he pulled away from her and she watched him move around the small cabin space before returning with said items.

'Thanks,' she whispered staring at him as she swallowed the tablets.

'Don't look at me like that, it makes me want to get you very, very naked.'

'Does it, huh?' She smiled, always pleased to hear him say it, her eyes still on him in an entirely appreciative way.

'Mmm, yeah,' his hands found the skin at her waist, moving his fingers gently back and forth.

'Hmmm, you can't touch me like that. It makes me want to get you very, very naked.'

'I wouldn't complain,' he placed featherlight kisses against the column of her neck, his body shifting closer to hers, causing a sigh to escape her despite the slight throb that still beat in her head. 'You and Jen have fun earlier?' he asked as his hand trailed up her tank and he squeezed gently at her boob.

'Mmmm,' she murmured ineloquently, her own lips finding purchase on the smooth tanned chest in front of her.

'Head any better?'

'Better enough,' she whispered with clear intent, pleased with his chuckle and the brush of his thumb across her nipple. 'But be gentle,' she cooed arching against him,

'Sure,' his lips met hers and they kissed languidly for quite some time.

'Where'd you guys go?' he asked as he kissed her chest, warm, soft kisses.

'Mmm, does it matter?' She pushed at his shorts, smoothing her hands over his firm ass.

'No,' he chuckled as she pinched his butt.

'Didn't think so,' she moaned softly as he pushed off the pair of his boxers she was wearing before trailing his hand up the silky inside of her thigh, his fingers brushing between her legs before floating back down again. 'Pace,' she complained putting her hand on top of his and guiding it back up her thigh and then using her fingers to push his inside of her.

'We're supposed to be having poker night soon,' he pushed his fingers in time with hers, his thumb rubbing circles on her clit.

'But not yet,' she pushed his shorts all the way off and wrapped a hand around his cock.

'Oooh,' he groaned, biting down slightly on her shoulder. 'Fuck Joey,' his hips rocked forward as she brushed her thumb across the tip and rubbed her hand against him.

'Pace, I want you,' she used her hands to put him between her legs and to push his hand aside. 'I want you now,' she suddenly found her headache to be gone and she rolled him onto his back climbing on top of him and pressing the warmth between her legs against him, loving the feel of his naked hard on against her.

'Joey,' he groaned her name, his hands at her hips sliding her against himself though preventing her from pushing herself down onto him.

'We're safe,' she hissed, 'please.'

'God Joey, I want to but what if...'

'What if nothing. I trust you.'

'I can't put you at risk.'

'You're not,' she insisted. 'I'm on the pill. I am safe and I want you inside of me Pacey.'

'It's really hard to resist when you're sat on me naked. I mean, God, look at you,' he gazed up at her, her back straight, her large eyes looking down at him. With Pacey looking at her with such lust heavy eyes, Joey had never felt more beautiful, or more sure of anything, and she took his cock in her hand and held him as she pushed against his hands holding her above him, and sunk down onto him, crying out. 'Oh fuck Joey, fuck,' he stared up at her and she smiled, deciding to try sitting straight up on him instead of leaning forward.

'I'm not stopping now,' she whispered and swirled her hips pleased as hell with his reaction, a cross between a feral growl and desperation. In an instant he was sat up, his hands helping her rock onto him and swivel her hips. By sitting he brought his body close to hers and she gasped as it created a delectable friction, spurning her on. 'I love to have you inside me,' she whispered, her breathing deep, 'especially without anything between us,' she rasped as the pressure between them built.

'God your sexy,' he kissed her breast, sucking and then kissing it.

'I'm gonna come Pacey,' she moaned.

'Me too,' he trailed his kisses up to her mouth, unable to stop the soft noises filling the evening air. 'Oh god, me too,' he thrust his hips up to meet hers as she slammed her body down onto his at an increasingly frenzied pace.

'Oh god,' she cried out loudly as her body exploded, each nerve ending lighting up like a fuse until it burnt out, just as he tumbled over the edge with a strangled cry, his hands pulling her firmly onto him, as his hips jerked and she felt him pulse inside of her.

'That felt...my...fuck...'

'Wow, so verbose there Pace,' she smiled lazily against his chest.

'I've never...'

'Never what?' she looked at him confused, especially at the vulnerable look on his face.

'Well two things really,' he admitted. 'I've never done it before...you know, without a condom...'

'That was ok?' she frowned feeling a thread of insecurity, but his arms wrapped around her tightly.

'It was very ok. I'm glad we did that together because I have never, ever loved anyone the way I love you. That was the second thing,' his voice was low and sexy and it made her shiver in pleasure,

'The feeling is mutual,' she told him easily, because it was true. Even when she thought she was in love with Dawson, she hadn't felt like this. It hadn't even come close. Thinking of Dawson reminded her of her phone call. 'Um Pace, before I forget, it was Dawson I went to phone,' she said the words and felt him instantly stiffen beneath her, and not in the good way.

'I thought we weren't talking about other guys when I was still inside of you,' he stated his tone unreadable though it certainly lacked the warmth it had held only moments earlier. 'But whilst we are discussing other guys, how is it that my declaration to you - the one where I tell you that I've never loved anyone as much as you - results in you thinking about Dawson?' he stared at her, and she shifted off of him because it felt wrong to be so closely entwined physically, when suddenly there was a void between them emotionally. She knew she was wrong in mentioning Dawson like that, but she also felt defensive because the thought processes hadn't been what he clearly thought they had.

'I just wanted to tell you because I thought honesty was important between us,' she attempted but he frowned.

'I think honesty would be telling me before you called him,' he stated and she began to feel irritated.

'Since when do I have to tell you who I'm planning to call, you're not my boss,' she scowled at him.

'But I am your boyfriend and calling Dawson isn't like calling your sister or Jen.'

'Of course it is,' she yelled.

'It isn't. You were in love with him. You still love him. It's not the same. I'm not saying you have to ask for permission, of course you don't, but some warning would be nice. Why did you call him anyway?' he stared at her with large, wounded eyes, the colour nearer grey than blue.

'I wanted to ask him to come down here for the fourth, you know - one last time,' she admitted and he stared at her before letting out a harsh laugh and looking at his hands,

'Of course you did,' he pushed himself off the bed and grabbed his swimming trunks, pulling them on. 'Of course you want him here. I might have guessed that would happen in the end. I guess...I guess I just thought you were more into this,' he gestured between them, 'than you actually are.'

'How can you dare suggest that?' she stared at him shocked, 'you think this doesn't mean anything? I have sex with you Pacey...'

'That doesn't mean anything, people have sex all the time and regret it...'

'You have the audacity to suggest you think I regret it?' she glared at him, yanking her tank on, and her boxers.

'Sure looks that way to me,' he muttered viciously, gesturing to her pulling on her clothes.

'You're being ridiculous. You know me! Or I thought you did,' she glared at him.

'Don't bother storming off,' he raged, 'tonight it's my turn,' and he yanked a t-shirt from his storage bin and left full of steaming anger.

* * *

Joey was left on the bed feeling both shocked and furious. Just as angrily as Pacey had, she pulled on a skirt and a tank before stomping off the boat and in the direction of the tent.

'Woah, what happened?' it was Jack she discovered there who took one look at her and could tell that something had happened.

'Is Jen here?'

'Jen went into town with Mr Hot, who's name is a Ben, by the way. They are going to pick up a disposable barbecue and barbecue food. Will I do?' he gave her a kind smile and she was horrified to find herself crying.

'Pacey is such an unreasonable guy sometimes,' she sniffed and felt Jack wrap his arms around her and pull her in for a hug. It was nice, but not as nice as being in Pacey's arms, not as comforting and not as right. The world did not right itself from within Jack's embrace.

'What happened?' Jack asked gently.

'Can we walk? I'm too cross and upset and I'll cry if we sit.'

'Sure,' he nodded and together they headed for the beach. 'You ready to talk?' he asked at length.

'I understand why he's upset, I do. I get it, but it doesn't mean he's not being an ass. He _is_ being an ass.'

'I think maybe you should start at the beginning,' Jack chuckled softly.

'Oh I rang Dawson earlier. Jen suggested it. I didn't want to but we both thought it might help make things...better. I was gonna tell Pace, but you guys were out in the ocean and so I didn't. When it was done, I was feeling hot and headachy and went to lie down.'

'Ok,' Jack frowned, 'doesn't sound like the sin of the century?' He looked to Joey, who felt her cheeks burn,

'Well it wouldn't be if I'd told him when he came to check on me.'

'But you didn't?'

'He was half naked Jack. His hair was wet, and did I mention he was half naked _and_ he was looking at me,' she defended, watching Jack try to contain his laughter, 'oh you might laugh, but when he turns those eyes into smoulder mode - I can't be held responsible for my actions...'

'Which were what?' he grinned widely.

'I'm sure you can imagine...' she chided.

'If you want my advice I need to fully understand the situation,' he stated haughtily.

'I let him get me naked, I got him naked and well, yeah...'

'What's a, "_well, yeah_"?' Jack asked, his tongue poking out between his teeth, because he was enjoying teasing her _that_ much.

'We had sex Jack,' she sighed, 'incredible sex, in an incredibly intimate new way for us.'

'Wow, I mean I thought maybe you were sleeping together..but I didn't know and I didn't want to assume and well...' Jack mumbled.

'It's ok. I'm not embarrassed for you to know it - I figured it was pretty obvious,' she shrugged.

'So if it was incredible and intimate, where did it all go wrong?'

'After...you know...well he said that he had never, ever loved anyone the way he loved me,' Joey admitted and Jack let out a soft whistle,

'Pace is a class act,' was all he said.

'He is,' she agreed despite her current temper.

'So what did you say?'

'I said the feeling was mutual,' she stated firmly, 'I did.'

'And what else?' he looked at her expectantly.

'I told him I'd gone to call Dawson earlier...'

'Joey,' Jack frowned,

'I'm sorry but I needed to say it...'

'What even made you think it in that moment?'

'It's not what he thought, not because I have feelings for Dawson. It was because my feelings for Dawson were never ever even close to my feelings for Pacey that I even thought about him, and then when I did, I realized I better tell Pacey because I didn't want him to behave stupidly over it.'

'That plan worked well,' Jack mused with sarcasm.

'Oh I admit it was the wrong time and I know that Pacey couldn't have known why I thought of Dawson at that moment, but he could have let me explain. Shouldn't it be obvious by now that I love him. That I'm in love with him. That whatever feelings I may have had or have for Dawson are nothing in comparison to what I feel for him. I want to fix things with Dawson, and I want Pacey to fix things as well, but I'd sacrifice Dawson for what I have with Pacey. I would, even if that makes me a terrible person - I'd do it because I love Pacey. I love him a scary amount Jack. It makes me vulnerable and I hate to be vulnerable.'

'Why did you call Dawson?' Jack asked gently as they kicked off their flip flops and strolled into the water.

'It was Jen's idea - to convince him to come here for the fourth. I'll be honest, I don't want him to come. I'm having fun. I think we're all having fun...'

'We are,' Jack nodded,

'But Jen said that maybe we all stood a better chance of recovery if we extended the olive branch...you know.'

'I do know. I think it was a good idea. What did Dawson say?'

'He said he'd think about it. And honestly I'd rather he doesn't come. I hate how self conscious he makes me. However, I know that if we value our friendship, and I know both Pacey and I value our friendship with Dawson, well then I better hope that he does come.'

'Ok, so Pacey says he loves you, you say you love him too and then you mention you called Dawson. I get that the segue may have been a little off but I don't really get why he flipped?'

'Well firstly there's Pacey's feelings of inadequacy in relation to Dawson, and more specifically Dawson and I.'

'I thought those were better?'

'They are but not entirely.'

'Clearly,' Jack arched his brows, 'any secondly?'

'Well secondly we were still...um...rather...er intimately..._positioned_,' she croaked.

'Ahhh,' Jack bit his lip in an effort not to smile.

'You could try not to laugh,' Joey bumped Jacks shoulder with hers.

'I'm sorry, but that's pretty funny. You know it's not very classy to talk about other guys when you're intimately entangled...'

'I know, I've had to tell Pacey that before. I know. I guess I was worried that if I waited to tell him, he'd read into the fact that I hadn't told him. It was a lose, lose situation.'

'I think it was,' Jack wrapped an arm around her shoulders and kissed her head. 'But he'll realize he was an ass and apologize. He will, because...'

'That's what Pacey does?' she asked rhetorically.

'Yeah,' Jack nodded.

'I need to apologize too. My timing was bad...'

'Your timing was goddamned awful,' Jack sniggered.

'Ah, shut up,' Joey pushed Jack away but he just laughed more.

* * *

Joey went back to the boat and cleared up because someone had to prepare for the evening. She put out the small card table and some cushions to make sitting on the deck more comfortable, then dug out a couple of kerosene lanterns from the cabin. She made the bed from their earlier activities, but she hated doing it because, whilst she didn't think the argument was a deal breaker, she craved the security of the intimacies they shared. Sighing she pulled out some plates and some napkins and headed back up on deck. Pacey was sat on the cabin roof and she jumped in surprise.

'Pacey,' she gasped his name.

'Sorry, I'm sorry...' he looked at her. 'I didn't mean to scare you.'

'Just a shock,' she bit her lip and cautiously moved across the decking and sat down next to him. 'I'm sorry too Pacey.'

'And what are you sorry for?' he asked with a shrug.

'For telling you about the phone call when I did.'

'Why did you do that?' he asked turning to look at her.

'Mention the phone call after what you said?' she clarified and he nodded, lifting his hand and resting it in hers, an action that helped her release a deep breath and a whole lot of tension. 'You said what you said...'

'That I'd never, ever loved anyone as much as you.'

'Yes that,' she turned her hand and squeezed his. 'It's true that the feeling is mutual. I have never, ever loved anyone like I love you, or as much as I love you. You have to know that Pacey. I mean surely that's obvious?'

'It's not unobvious,' Pacey admitted with a small smile.

'Well good,' Joey pressed a light kiss to the corner of the smile.

'I still want to know why...why me saying that made you think if Dawson,' he frowned again.

'The only person I ever thought I loved before you was Dawson. When you said that and I said the feeling was mutual, I realized how much I do actually feel it. I utterly adore you, and I was thinking all this, and thinking about how naive I was to think my feelings for Dawson were something special and how childish my feelings actually were. I was thinking about how little I feel for Dawson and I realized I needed to mention the phone call and I did. It was really, really bad timing. I'm sorry.'

'Hun, you know what - I was an ass. I am irrational when it comes to you and Dawson. He stakes a claim on you and any hint that you're thinking about him at the wrong time, or in a way that threatens me, well I guess I freak. I see Dawson as a threat.'

'Which is almost laughable because you're the only guy Dawson has ever seen as a threat, which I guess is why he hates us together so much.'

'Dawson sees me as a threat?' Pacey screwed up his face.

'Yes,' she laughed, 'you're a threat to his position in my life, in my heart, and he's right you are. But you're wrong. He's not a threat to what I feel for you. He holds no sway on me romantically,' she took a breath.

'But? I can always tell when there's a but coming...'

'He was my best friend. He was there for me, same as you, through a lot of really awful times in my life. It irritates me that he won't accept us. It makes me feel awkward and self conscious, and guilty. I feel really guilty, and though I won't give him what he wants, even though I'd never do that, I can't just magic the guilt away. If I thought you were doubting you and I, doubting my feelings for you, well I'd tell Dawson we had sex. I'd tell him all the wonderful things we do in bed. I'd tell him how much I love feeling you inside me, and how I really loved feeling you inside me without a condom. I'd tell him how it feels to come with you, to feel my body explode with your name on my lips. I would literally rub his face in it. But only if you needed that. I don't want to tell him, but I won't stop doing it, I won't regret it. I'll be discreet. I won't stop wanting you but I might find it harder to be constantly entwined. I hate feeling guilty. Especially when we haven't done anything wrong, but the guilt comes from hurting him and we did hurt him.'

'We did,' he pulled her onto his lap and they both let out a long breath as his arms wrapped around her.

'Oh god, but I needed that,' she sighed.

'It's always been your space,' he kissed her temple.

'Jen suggested I call and ask him down for the fourth again and she was right. I said I should talk to you and she said do it after. You and Jack were playing frisbee in the water and I didn't think about it really, I just figured you'd be ok with it.'

'I don't mind that you called him.'

'I know, but I do think you need to know that I don't want him to come. Not if I'm honest. But I also do want him to come because I do want things to be ok. I just hate the thought of all the angst we're going to have to go through to get to ok.'

'We'll go through the angst together,' he shrugged.

'Please,' she agreed.

'I'm sorry I stormed off,' he kissed her lips.

'You came back,' she told him simply and kissed him back. It was crazy how much she loved kissing him, her whole body existing as if to respond to his.

'Wanna go make out?' Pacey asked with one arched brow. She looked at her watch and saw that they had fifteen minutes until the others were supposed to arrive,

'Sure,' she gave him a nod, 'but _just_ making out.'

'Sure,' he mimicked her casual nod but grinned widely as he followed her into the cabin.

**Dawson comes to Key West for the 4th? - yes or no?**


	25. Chapter 25

**Hey all,**

**Sorry I'm not updating as quickly as I was! Here is part one of the fourth of July with its nifty little cliff hanger. I hope everyone enjoys it. Please do review - I love my feedback! **

**Thanks, Tab:-)**

**The Fourth**

'Party on the boat and watch the fireworks,' Jack stated as his suggestion for Fourth of July activities. The Fourth was the following day and they had realized they needed to have some sort of plan to make it a special night.

'I agree. We're less likely to get caught for underage drinking,' Jen said convincingly.

'It's the fourth - who'll care?' Joey shrugged, 'we'd have more room down on the sand.'

'But we are more likely to get caught there,' Pacey's arms tightened around her waist.

'So why don't we play some poker, have a few drinks and eat on the boat and then head to the beach for the fireworks?' Joey asked. 'If we don't have drinks in our hands, then we're much less likely to get caught.'

'There's a reason everyone thinks you're so smart sweetheart,' Pacey told her affectionately and kissed her neck, warm open mouthed kisses.

'Don't you "_sweetheart_" her, Pacey,' Jen warned, leaning over and gently swatting at his head, '_she's_ supposed to help write an email to Henry.'

'And what does that have to do with me calling my girl a sweetheart?' Pacey laughed, his whole attitude one of cavalier relaxation, his fingers sliding under Joey's tank and smoothing across her stomach.

'That,' Jen pointed at his roving hands. 'You call her sweetheart and that makes you extra touchy. Oh it starts innocently enough, your hand nudging under her shirt, but within five minutes _she_,' Jen gestured wildly at Joey, who was pushing herself backwards into Pacey, her arm hooking itself around the back of his neck, even as Jen was speaking. Pacey continued to press kisses to Joey's neck, '_she_,' Jen emphasized, 'is looking at you with those doe eyes of hers and you, you can't resist those eyes, and then you disappear to the boat!'

'She makes an excellent suggestion,' Joey turned to look at Pacey with the doe eyes Jen described.

'That we disappear to the boat? I know, it does seem like a good idea,' he slid a hand into the hair at the base of her head, helping to angle her so they could kiss for a moment.

'Hey,' Jen stared at them slack jawed whilst Jack sniggered.

'We're just _really_ tired,' Joey yawned as she turned back around on Pacey's lap.

'You are not!' Jen's jaw was still dropped.

'Exhausted, aren't we _sweetheart_?' Pacey agreed.

'Mmm,' Joey stated ineloquently as Pacey causally brushed a finger under the top of her bikini bottoms, her tank helping hide his activities.

'I saw that!' Jen squeaked, 'and you're not disappearing to the boat for sex when you said you'd help me write my email,' her voice became a whine.

'Jen, you don't need help right this second. Give me...an hour?' Joey gave Jen a look, a cross between optimistic, pleading and patronizing

'Two,' Pacey amended hastily.

'Two, and we'll still have plenty of time,' Joey stated comfortingly. 'I promise.'

'Jack,' Jen turned to look at him for help.

'Oh I'd let them go, they're no use to you now,' Jack giggled, 'let's go for a swim and I'll be sure to steal Pacey in an hour and a half,' he looked pointedly at Joey and Pacey as he said the latter,

'Deal,' Pacey agreed and pushed Joey to her feet, using her body to shield his as they headed hastily to the boat.

* * *

'How long until Jack comes calling?' Joey threaded her hands through his hair, loving the feel of his naked body so close to hers. She was in his arms, and being naked, having his skin slide across hers, it made her feel not only safe and content, but wild and wonderful, hazy with longing, and utterly crazed with love.

'Ten minutes,' Pacey told her pushing her thighs apart with his body and laying between them.

'I want more than ten minutes,' she complained.

'You always want more than ten minutes,' he shifted his body allowing his cock to slide into her.

'Mmmm,' she moaned softly, 'you took too long to recover.'

'Did I now, my insatiable girl?' he laughed loudly, a laugh that turned into a groan as she clenched her internal muscles around him.

'Roll over,' she commanded and despite the bossy request he acquiesced. She braced her self on her hands, one on either side of his head and looked down at him from amidst a shower of mocha locks, and Pacey wasn't sure he'd ever seen a more beautiful sight, or felt one as she rocked her body forward and nearly separated them, before rocking back onto him, as deeply as possible. She moved in long, steady strokes and it felt divine. 'I'm not insatiable...you're just...I just want you...'

'I think that's the definition of insatiable,' he tried to be humorous but he couldn't think about much beyond the feeling of her driving herself onto him.

'Then fine, I'm insatiable,' she spoke in a sultry voice and she moved one hand to cup his cheek, before slamming her body back onto his.

'Fuck,' he cried out. 'I'm gonna come if you do that.'

'Really?' she arched a devious brow and did it again.

'God yeah,' he grasped at her hips, desperate to help her repeat the move and desperate to stop her so he could make her come first.

'I'm nearly there,' she rasped as she slammed against him again, and so he pushed his hips up against hers as she pushed her body down. 'Like that,' she groaned.

'Fuck...' it was as eloquent a warning as he could manage, his hips bucking into her as he came hard.

'Pacey,' she cried out his name as she drove her body onto his one last time, before she shattered, burying her face in his neck as she shook. 'Hmm,' she practically hissed, lying on top of him entirely spent. 'I have such great stomach muscles thanks to how much we do this,' she whispered.

'Your pillow talk is so romantic,' he smirked.

'I love you for giving me such great stomach muscles by giving me such great sex,' she giggled.

'Better,' he smoothed his palms across the curve of her ass.

'I could detail how much I love every bit of your body,' she offered coquettishly.

'Hmmm,' his smile grew as he kissed her softly.

'Hey guys,' Jack's voice and a banging on the cabin door.

'And times up,' Pacey breathed into her ear, before kissing her again.

'I know you don't want to leave your kinky space, but Jen needs you Joey...' Jack called way too loudly for Joey's liking.

'Ugh, she needs me,' Joey knew that meant she had to go, that she wanted to go.

'You love Jen, I understand,' Pacey smiled at her.

'You're right, and I want to call by the shower block,' she gave him a pointed look.

'Hmm, I could meet you there,' he trailed kisses across her jaw and then kissed her, apparently unable to stop.

'In the shower block?' she gave a sceptical giggle.

'Mmm,' he kissed her again, deepening it.

'Pace, I think you may have to accept the fact that you're also insatiable,' she grinned.

'Well look at you,' he rolled them over so he was lying on top of her and pressed warm kisses across her chest, 'God I love you,' he looked her in the eye. 'You know that?'

'I know that,' she shrugged a little because he was staring at her, intently, as though he couldn't quite manage to stop. 'We have to go. Jack's waiting, so's Jen.'

'I know,' he sighed deeply and rested his forehead against hers for a moment, 'I know.'

'I love you too you know?' she gave him a smile.

'I know,' he said softly.

'Are you worried about something?' she asked after a beat.

'Not really...maybe a little apprehensive that Dawson will show but I just...I don't really care...'

'If he comes here Pace, he will intrude. It will change the way things are, you know that and I know that. My head will be all over the place and I know that means yours will, but honestly Pace, you have my heart. I am one hundred percent yours. Truthfully, I can't imagine ever being anyone else's.'

'Well that's nice to hear. Always.'

'It's the truth,' she said simply.

'I'm always gonna be yours, you know. As long as you want me.'

'I thought we'd established that I'm insatiable. You said that means the same as me always wanting you,' she gave him a small secret smile.

'Come on you guys,' Jack shouted again.

'Joey, you come out or I'm coming in,' Jen sing songed.

'Ok,' Joey laughed and stood up and began pulling on her clothes. 'Oh you can stop watching and put these on,' she rolled her eyes and threw Pacey a pair of boxers and a pair of cargo shorts.

'I find it hard not to watch,' he admitted.

'Well regardless, I'm outta here,' she kissed his forehead and headed up the stairs to where a smirking Jen and Jack were waiting. 'I'm sorry,' she murmured sheepishly, as Jack grinned and headed into the cabin.

'No need,' Jen linked her arm through Joeys. 'Though if I decide to write dirty, you better come up with something good...'

* * *

'So is he gonna turn up? What do you think?' Joey asked Jen a little while later after the lengthy email to Henry was written.

'I think no. But then I blink and I think yes.'

'And we stick to plan if he turns up? If he turns up with Andie?' Joey frowned.

'I think if he turned up with Andie maybe all your problems would be solved,' Jen quipped and Joey smiled,

'That is true.'

'And you wouldn't feel even a spark of jealousy?' Jen narrowed her eyes at her friend.

'Hmm, good question. Ok set the scene for me...'

'Dawson arrives and at first you're pleased because he's here, but then you begin to worry that he's going to sour what's been a fabulous trip so far. But then he walks around to the passenger door and he opens it and holds a hand out to Andie. Hand in hand they walk towards you and you feel?'

'Relief,' Joey wrinkled her nose. 'Maybe a little miffed he moved on so easily after making such an enormous fuss, but basically relieved.'

'Wow. You know what? I pronounce you cured of your infatuation with Dawson. Congratulations Joey!'

'I'm very proud of myself,' she mock bowed.

'As you should be. Come on, let's go meet up with the guys so we can plan more for tomorrow. Besides which you've got that shifty look you get when you want to see Pacey.'

'Then I must look permanently shifty,' Joey grinned.

'Oh you do,' Jen laughed.

'Come on then.'

* * *

'This has been the most beautiful day,' Jen sighed as they lay around on air beds and cushions that they'd dragged from the tent and into the shade of the trees.

'It could be a little less hot,' Jack griped.

'Oh shush your row,' Joey rolled her eyes from where she was resting against Pacey. Pacey was leaning against a log, a bunch of cushions behind his back and she was nestled as close as she could get, her legs stretched out between between his, his large hand splayed across her bare stomach, her arm resting on top of his.

'Yeah Jack. Was swimming in the aqua coloured, warm ocean too much for you? Or was it Ben asking if he could join us tonight whilst looking at you that caused so much trouble?' Jen asked kicking at his foot with hers,

'As I said, it was the heat,' Jack glared, but ruined it by smiling, 'I don't get why we had to leave the lovely cool ocean is all...'

'Man, I can see your shoulders. I'm pretty sure satellites can see your shoulders. We had to leave,' Pacey deadpanned and Joey giggled, angling her head so she could kiss him languidly, every movement lazy and delicious.

'How long until we have to head to the boat?' Jack asked.

'We don't _have_ to do anything,' Jen pointed out, 'that's the beauty of a no parent summer vacation.'

'Of course I want to do it,' Jack rolled his eyes, tossing a handful of chips at Joey and Pacey who were still kissing. They both smiled as the chips hit but continued their unhurried kiss.

'Looks like we've found you guys,' Dawson's voice shocked them all, Jen actually cried out in shock, Jack who had been lying on a deck chair borrowed from Ben, fell off, and Pacey's arms tightened around Joey as if he were scared she might disappear. Joey, for her part, jumped a mile and felt her heart practically spasm I'm her chest, her hands holding onto Pacey's and squeezing.

'Oh my god Dawson, Andie, you scared the living crap out of us,' Jen squeaked.

'You came,' Joey stated blankly, caught completely off guard. She thought to jump up and hug him or something, demonstrate they were the friends she'd been purporting them to be, but Pacey's arms were vice like.

'I was invited, right?' Dawson coughed awkwardly, avoiding looking at either Joey or Pacey.

'Of course...how did you guys get here?' Joey asked and Andie answered with a brief smile in Joey's direction,

'We...um...took the cheats option. We flew to Miami and hired a car, thanks to dad...' she looked at her brother and smiled.

'Wow, glad he sorted that for you!' Jack let out a low whistle and then everyone moved at once, Jen and Jack jumping up! the latter off the floor, and Joey prying Pacey's fingers off one by one.

'Pace, we have to say hi,' she whispered as she turned to look at him, but he looked panicked. 'What are you so worried is going to happen? I'm not going anywhere,' she told him gently and was relieved to see him take several deep breaths,

'Ok, yeah, right, I know,' he nodded, 'sorry, irrationality got the better of me for a second.'

'Gets the better of all of us,' she told him and successfully pried his last finger from around her arm. She got to her feet but then turned and took his hand, sliding her fingers through his. 'I'm glad you came guys,' she murmured feeling a little shy, but releasing Pacey's hand to hug them briefly.

'D,' Pacey nodded at his one time best friend and then smiled at Andie, 'always a pleasure McPhee,' he gave her a one armed hug.

'This better be the party of the century or we wasted a lot of our summer earnings heading down here,' Andie told them.

'There's fireworks out on the ocean,' Joey stated brightly.

'And we have some drinks,' Jack added.

'There's lots of good looking guys and girls,' Jen pointed out.

'It's warm, the sea is warm, and this place is super friendly,' Joey continued.

'So what is the plan then?' Dawson asked, still awkward as he and Andie sat down, everyone returning to their former seats, though Joey and Pacey didn't continue the kiss, they did sit as entwined as they had been.

'Cards, dinner and drinks in the boat,' Pacey told them with added flair because he was trying hard to make it normal. 'Followed by fireworks on the sand.'

'Simple but fun,' Joey added, clearly nervous.

**'**Drinks?' Andie asked awkwardly.

'Well Pace found this place in town that'll serve him. Apparently the scruff on his face has them convinced he's older than he is. I mean, the fact that he walks in like he owns the place and always over buys apparently doesn't hurt,' Joey babbled, looking up at her boyfriend and taking his hand, because these days they were always touching and she no longer thought about it. She didn't see Dawson's eyes narrow in on the gesture bcause she was looking at Pacey and fighting the urge to kiss him.

'Sounds like you have everything sorted,' Dawson mused with a wry smile.

'We do,' Jen nodded, 'and now the party is complete. We were going to shower and dress - it's the fourth, you know,' she looked at Andie.

'Oh I'd love a shower,' Andie nodded and smiled.

'Your section of the tent is all set up, right Pace?' Joey looked at Pacey with wide eyes hoping that all evidence of their activities in said tent had been removed. Pacey grinned at her,

'Yep, all set up and ready to go,' he squeezed her hand.

'You guys don't mind sharing, right? I mean Jen and I have been sharing but I mean I can go with you Andie, or if you girls want to share...' Jack gave his sister an encouraging smile.

'Um, actually we're fine to share,' Dawson stated boldly and reached across and took Andie's hand, looking at her briefly before meeting Joey's eyes expectantly.

**To be continued...**


	26. Chapter 26

**Ok, so I wanted to finish off the Fourth in this part, but the countdown to my vacation is on, and so I want to keep the writing coming. This is what I've got so far...part three should be a scream...**

**Thank you guys for all the reviews! I love them - a lot! 1trueluv, I hope you continue reading The things we do for love, past my lousy chapter 8 - it'll all make sense in the end! T80 - as always thanks! Thanks everyone! My aim is to get back to you all personally (those who aren't guests) but time, time, time! Soon. I promise:-)**

**Chapter 26**

**The Fourth part 2**

_'Um, actually we're fine to share,' Dawson stated boldly and took Andie's hand, looking at her briefly before meeting Joey's eyes expectantly._

Joey saw the expectation and in the first instance she felt like a rabbit trapped in headlights. But the suspicions crept in very quickly, her eyes flicking quickly to Jen's widened, surprised eyes. Joey did not doubt that this announcement, that Dawson and Andie were together, was in fact a ruse. Joey however made up her mind to buy into the ruse and to not let it achieve what they possibly hoped it might. She searched quickly through herself to see whether there was a spark of jealousy, and was surprised to find that there wasn't. It was definitely weird, though in a way - she figured Dawson and Andie might actually be a good match. What was weird was that he'd been so cold on the phone, that he'd gone from indignant anger at her relationship with Pacey, from proclaiming love for her, to being with Andie. She had to get her reaction right, she knew she did, because otherwise, knowing Dawson, every suspicion would suggest to him that she was jealous.

'You guys are together?' she attempted not to sound too bright lest it sound fake. 'That's great news,' she smiled broadly because really, now she and Pacey could behave however they wanted and neither Dawson or Andie could rain on their parade. They'd literally lied their way to a position where they couldn't glare, where they couldn't hate on Joey and Pacey, and Joey was thrilled. She didn't even have to look at Pacey to know that he'd realized the exact same thing.

'You know I'm not surprised. Andie's got a sweet little soft side that's just right for you Dawson,' Pacey nodded gamely. Joey watched as Dawson faltered for just a moment at their reaction.

'Wow, I'm pleased for you guys,' Jack grinned broadly and Joey didn't think he saw any subterfuge in their friends relationship.

'How did that happen?' Jen asked in her direct way.

'Well you guys were all gone,' Andie stated nervously.

'We were spending time together and one evening when we were watching a movie...it just happened...'

'Who kissed who?' Joey's eyes were shining as she asked, leaning forward, lips pursed.

'Well I kissed him,' Andie said uncertainly.

'Don't embarrass the girl,' Pacey chided her lightly, pulling her close and kissing her soundly, 'you know full well that sometimes neither person initiates it entirely.'

'What's that mean?' Dawson asked bluntly, and Joey figured he was still going to act mad at Pacey on account of his apparently poor friendship.

'I'm just saying that sometimes it can happen. You know. There's a build up...a touch here, a look there, and then there's that moment...no one really kisses the other...'

'Is that how it was with you guys?' Jen asked with a smile. 'We never really asked you?' Jen smiled. It was true, nobody had really asked, but that was because of the fall out.

'No,' Pacey laughed. 'Well not entirely. The build up, yeah that was pretty awesome...but Joey called me a moron a lot. She wanted me to kiss her and I didn't and so she called me a moron. When I worked out what she meant I kissed her.'

'Why didn't you kiss her before then?' Andie frowned, but was still holding Dawson's hand, so Pacey, apparently reassured that he could answer, did so.

'Joey and I have been hugging for years...' Pacey began.

'And it had always been just hugging...' Joey smiled at him.

'But then I don't know...it didn't feel like just hugging anymore...'

'Pacey developed a wondering hand,' Joey rolled her eyes. 'Or something like that,' she bit her lip in amusement.

'Your hand wondered a little as well my dear,' he continued unperturbed, though she noted the blush on his cheeks.

'But with all the wondering hands, he didn't kiss me.'

'You guys have a disgusting amount of chemistry. I'm surprised it took so long for your hands to wonder,' Jen grumbled. 'I wish Henry and I had a little more.'

'Was it like that?' Jack asked turning to Dawson and Andie.

'We didn't have to overthink it,' Dawson put in. 'I just looked at her watching the movie and realized I wanted to kiss her, but then she did it.'

'I'm impressed Andie. I've never been able to make the first move,' Joey shrugged.

'I...I wasn't sure you know. I didn't know whether he'd feel the same, but we've bonded a lot,' Andie looked at Dawson softly and for a horrible moment it looked to Joey as though Andie actually did have feelings for Dawson, Dawson who was not staring at Andie but at her, his eyes unrelenting.

'But he did,' she smiled.

'He did,' Andie agreed.

'I think we girls need some bonding time and I suggest we head to the shower block for. it. You guys might want to sort out the tent so we can sleep, and set up the boat. Ben is coming over in an hour, and we don't want to get to the beach too late if we want a good spot,' Jen ordered.

'Yes ma'am,' Pacey teased, and kissed Joey, who'd turned to say goodbye. 'Love you,' he whispered into the kiss.

'Love you too,' she kissed him again.

'Joey,' Jen hollered loudly and Joey broke apart from Pacey looking sheepish.

'Sorry,' she murmured.

'It's ok Jo,' Jen rolled her eyes, looping her arms through her friends and looking to Andie who turned to Dawson,

'I'll...see you in a bit,' she said and with a bright smile. Dawson nodded, and after a beat kissed her, the whole event stilted and awkward, especially when he didn't stop kissing her, though Andie clearly thought the kiss was over. It didn't ring true ,and when Joey caught Jen's eye, she could see she thought the same.

'Come on Andie...shall we find your wash bag in the car? And have you got clothes sorted for tonight?' Jen asked.

'Not that what you're wearing isn't awesome,' Joey shot Jen a look.

'I'm coming,' Andie got to her feet. 'And I have a dress.'

'Let's go then kiddos,' Jen bossed and Joey spared a thought for Pacey who was left with Dawson, and more importantly for Jack who was being left to mediate between the two.

'Play nice boys,' she shot over her shoulder.

* * *

Andie was quiet as they got ready, so Jen and Joey fed the silence with their own conversation, asking Andie lots of questions, being supportive over her new romance, and telling her lots of things about the summer, attempting to draw her into their rather exclusive friendship. They hadn't intended the friendship to become that way, and they certainly didn't want Andie to feel excluded in any way and so they shared the little things, details to help her not feel that way.

'All I can ask of you Andie is that when you and Dawson make out in the tent at night, that you try and be quieter than Joey and Pacey,' Jen chided light heartedly as they brushed their hair, post showers.

'Jen,' Joey protested.

'Oh my god, you didn't hear them?' Andie gasped, half horrified and half amused at the notion of such scandal.

'Why do you think they've been relegated to the boat?' Jen arched her eyebrows and Andie laughed, embarrassment and amusement.

'I think she was over reacting,' Joey dismissed with a slight blush on her cheeks.

'Sure you do..._gorgeous_,' Jen mimicked Pacey's deep voice and Joey's blush grew before she thwacked Jen on the shoulder,

'We can always talk about Jen's saucy emails to Henry,' she defended and Jen just laughed,

'I'm proud of those Jo...'

'Because we're not discussing you're actual sexual activity, merely your written words,' Joey pointed out.

'You mean my sexual imagination,' Jen clarified.

'I mean exactly that...'

'Kinda sounded like you had some sexual imagination of your own,' Jen interrupted, teasing her friend with a nudge to her shoulder.

'Jen,' Joey was clearly embarrassed but was laughing, before they all were quiet for a few minutes, putting on lipstick. After a minute Joey sensed Andie staring at her, 'what?' she asked with a small frown.

'You really love him don't you? I mean not as friends, but as in wildly in love?' Andie was clearly going somewhere with it.

'I do,' Joey admitted easily but then frowned, 'I mean I know he's your ex and I am sorry because I never wanted to hurt you, I hate hurting people. I know how it feels, and I did think about your feelings, but I guess I thought about mine too...'

'You don't need to apologize Joey,' Andie let out a small laugh, 'I mean I know how easy it is to fall in love with Pacey, but I'm not there anymore. Not because I don't think he's wonderful. I don't know if he's the kind of guy you ever get over, but I can see that he has something with you that we never had. I don't know. It's different between you two...'

'You think?' Joey had stopped all pretence of doing make up.

'He didn't ever look at me the way he looks at you. I believe he loved me - or at least I believe he believed it.'

'I'm really glad you came Andie,' Joey said, 'and he did love you. He loved you with good reason.' Joey would have thought the words would be hard to say but she was surprised to find that she wanted Andie to feel reassured because she wanted them to be friends, and because she trusted Pacey. She had no fear that he had any residual feelings for Andie at all and therefore she was confident in telling her that his feelings had been genuine.

'And now Dawson,' Jen said brightly.

'As Dawson pointed out to me - we are an incestuous group,' Joey arched her brows humorously.

'The worst,' Jen agreed.

'I think I object to that phrase - people may get the wrong idea considering Jack is my actual brother,' Andie stated brightly and both Joey and Jen laughed.

'So you and Dawson...how much do you like him?' Jen asked and she and Joey waited eagerly for Andie's response.

'Oh it's al new, I don't want to jinx it, you know,' she mumbled slightly, but then looked at the other two,

'So tell me about this hot guy that's into my brother...'

* * *

'Hey boys,' Jen sang as they approached the boat, where the three boys were sat, Jack clearly dominating with a monologue about the awkwardness of his unfortunate jelly fish sting and Pacey's peeing gallantry. Pacey was chuckling, because he always chuckled at the story given that it was ridiculously funny. Especially with the manner in which he teased Jack mercilessly about his "new fetish."

'Wow you all look extraordinary,' Pacey smiled at them, 'most especially you,' he pointed at Joey, 'but then you always look beautiful.'

'Charmer,' she chided with a soft smile.

'It's not an attempt to be charming if it's true,' he shrugged, jumping off the boat and wrapping his arms around her waist, and kissing her. He clearly intended it as a hello kiss but it had been a long time since they'd seen one another and she couldn't have said who deepened the kiss, but it didn't end when it should have.

'Joey and I are just gonna go get the...um...yeah...from the tent...'

'I think we have the _um...yeah_,' Jen teased.

'Hmm, we'll be back...soon...' Joey didn't appear to have heard Jen.

'The party starts in half an hour,' Jack told them laughing.

'Meaning?' Pacey asked without looking at them.

'He's saying you've got half an hour,' Jen bossed.

'Half an hour for what?' it wasn't light hearted like it should have been, but Dawson was staring at them.

'Come on man, you have a girlfriend,' Pacey stated lightly.

'Yeah my sister, oh god, I don't like that thought,' Jack frowned. 'You two go before you give him ideas...'

'But just half an hour and I mean half an hour, and for gods sake use the middle section of the tent...'

'For what?' Dawson asked again an edge of panic to his voice.

'They need to be kissing, making out, God knows what for a good portion of the day or they get testy...' Jen laughed easily cracking open a beer.

'Really?' Joey shot her a look.

'Testy and inappropriately handsy for being in public...' Jen shot her own look.

'You always accuse us of that...' Joey defended.

'That's because you guys apparently have never had enough alone time...now scat.'

'Hmm, going,' Pacey snatched his girlfriend's hand up in his own and marched her away from the boat. 'You believe it?' he asked in a hiss.

'Not for a second, but hell, if they want to alleviate our guilt and discomfort by pretending to be together then I'm all for it,' she tucked her hand under his shirt and down the back of his cargo shorts.

'Hmm,' he wrapped an arm around her neck and kissed her head quickly, 'I think the desired outcome was our jealousy, not our utter joy.'

'Well the plan back fired,' she shrugged.

'Really?' he asked and she picked up on his tone of uncertainty and stopped walking, turning to face him and wrapping her arms around his neck,

'There is not any part of me whatsoever that is jealous. I wish it were true. I think for Andie it could be. Trust me Pace, I'm all yours.'

'Good,' he grinned, but then looked serious again.

'Spit it out Pace,' she encouraged.

'So you're not jealous...but there are other feelings, I mean other than jealousy.'

'There are,' she nodded still staring up at him,

'Jo, do you have any other feelings?' he clarified and she smiled.

'I have lots of feelings,' her eyes were dilated and her expression soft and he smiled,

'I mean about Dawson?'

'Ah, Hmm, I think if it's true then that boy doesn't know what he wants, not if he could try so hard to ruin things between us and then start something with Andie weeks later. Then again I don't think Dawson has ever known what he wants, just what he doesn't want others to have, or you to have.

I feel irritated that he's made us feel the way he has and is trying to manipulate things further with a futile attempt to cause jealousy. If he's using Andie, he loses my respect. I hope he's not. If he's not and he cares for her then I'm happy, because he can't say a damn thing about us! That thrills me. I haven't had to temper my behaviour once since he arrived, and I don't plan to.'

'You're awesome,' he smiled, his whole demeanour relaxing. 'I immediately realized what you did...you know that we didn't have to watch how we behave, but I guess I thought there might be jealousy...I know you and Dawson is a complicated relationship...'

'You and I have a relationship. Dawson and I have a patchy friendship at best. I'm not holding anything back here, you have to trust me. I've seen Dawson with lots of other girls...'

'And I've seen you jealous about it. I've comforted you...'

'Don't you see Pace. Even when I was jealous over him, I needed you? I still need you and I'm not jealous over him at all. I don't feel a spark, a zing or anything. I actually hope he's madly in love with her. Anyone comes near you - then we have a problem,' she kissed him softly.

'I love you.'

'I love you too, but we're wasting valuable time away from the others,' she slipped her hand into his and tugged him to the tent.

'We are wasting time,' he agreed.

'There's never enough time,' she complained as they fell in through the tent door. 'Oh my god it's a sauna in here.'

'So get naked,' he encouraged, tugging off his t-shirt the epitome of an over enthusiastic lover, his shorts following. He turned to find her smirking at him, clearly amused.

'By all means continue,' she told him with arched brows.

'You don't wanna?' he looked momentarily shaken, confused.

'Don't wanna _what_?' she asked staring at him.

'You know,' he sidled up to her and pressed his lips to her neck.

'Ahh, that,' she tilted her head. 'I was just enjoying your striptease. You know I spent a little time on my outfit for tonight, I'm not sure I want to throw it on the ground,' she shrugged, smoothing over her knee length navy skirt and her white tank, that emphasized her tan.

'And you look gorgeous,' he trailed his fingers under the bottom of her top.

'I'm not lying on that floor,' she looked pointedly at the sandy, mucky floor of the tent.

'I'll lie,' he suggested optimistically, 'and keep your clothes on.'

'Hmm, they might get in the way,' she frowned. 'What do you think?'

'The only thing really in the way...' he trailed his ands up her thighs, 'is your...' he trailed off and groaned as his hands met bare skin and no underwear.

'My what Pacey?' she asked primly.

'Fuck,' he practically growled, rubbing his hands over her ass.

'Yes Pace, you may...' she teased with an amused glint in her eye. She almost laughed at how enthusiastically he shoved his boxers down and then looked around the limited space in almost a panic, before he grabbed her and hoisted her by her butt until her legs were wrapped around his waist and his cock was inside of her. She cried out and bit his shoulder, her heart pounding wildly, her lust addled brain sparing a thought for the show of strength Pacey was exhibiting, but then he was using his arms to lift her up and almost off of him before pulling her back close to him and it felt amazing. 'More,' she begged, attempting to help as much as she could, the whole position entirely adept at creating a slew of amazing feelings that were rather quickly building towards what felt like it would be an amazing finale. 'Again,' she demanded, before biting his shoulder again, 'fuck Pace...that feels _so, so_ good...' she gasped as he repeated the move again and again, until finally with one final shift of her body against his, it felt like every atom of her body exploded as she came, her finger nails scratching across his back as she bit down yet again on his shoulder to stop from screaming.

'You like that?' he asked gruffly, his voice deep and sexy.

'Hmmm, next time I think you may need a wall,' she told him as she slid off of him and dropped to her knees before taking him into her mouth, one hand on his ass, the other assisting where her mouth couldn't reach, until he grasped at her hair, his hips bucking him deeper into her mouth, until he came, his legs shaking so much he sank to his knees.

'Best Fourth of July ever,' he whispered in her ear before kissing her long and hard.

'And all night you'll know and I'll know that I'm not wearing panties,' she gave him a sultry look.

'That's so hot,' he stared at her wantonly, 'this was so hot. Do we really have to go back?' he asked with a pout.

'We do. Perks of having a girlfriend Pace...nothing's a one time deal.'

'My entire life with you is a perk,' he mused kissing her again.

'Come on,' she said at length and tugged him to his feet and handing him his boxers. 'We don't want anyone to come looking for us.'

'That we do not,' he agreed. 'Just so you know, you're literally the best girlfriend ever.'

'Thanks Pace. You're not so bad,' she smiled as he pulled on his tshirt inside out, biting her lip to hide her amusement, but saying nothing. Sharing a last smile, they exited the tent, her hand finding his as they headed back to the boat.

**Coming up next...Dawson loses his shit**


	27. Chapter 27

**I debated (with myself lol) long and hard about how to resolve this. I hope it suits...it isn't the end of everything but I want to stick loosely to canon season 4...**

**As always THANKS for reviews and please keep them coming. I swear I write twice as much when I get one;-)**

**Tab:-)**

**Chapter 27**

**The Fourth - Part 3 "Dawson loses his shit"**

'Dawson,' Joey sat down beside him as the others set about barbecuing.

'Joey,' he nodded with a smile.

'I'm really glad you came.'

'I heard your heartfelt plea,' he told her and even though the conversation was awkward it wasn't as bad as it could have been.

'I didn't think you'd come.'

'Neither did I,' he admitted.

'But you did?'

'I guess with Andie and everything I figured it might change things...' He looked at her, carefully appraising her expression and it was on the tip of her tongue to call him on the Andie thing, to tell him she wasn't jealous but Pacey's voice came from in the cabin.

'I'm sorry Jo...I can't find the tongs...'

'Sorry,' she murmured and headed below deck.

* * *

Joey tried not to squirm at the feel of Pacey's warm hand on her thigh, a hand that was moving at an achingly slow pace, nearer and nearer the edge of her skirt. She tried to focus on the conversation, on the jokes, and the game of poker she was losing at disastrously, but all she could really think about was the thrumming between her legs and how desperate she was for Pacey's hand to take it away. She squirmed a little, effectively helping him get that hand under the edge of her skirt. Needing more contact she wrapped her arm around his neck, her hand playing with his hair.

'How long until the fireworks? When are we heading to the beach?' Andie asked and Joey couldn't help but hope they were soon. Perhaps with everyone distracted, his hand could reach its goal.

'About half an hour, we'll head to the beach. The fireworks are a while after,' Jack told her.

'We should head to the beach now,' Jen said with a drunken lilt and tossed her crappy cards onto the table.

'Hmm, we should,' Pacey squeezed her leg a little and she knew that he thought that might give them more privacy, and she concurred entirely, especially when she found Dawson's eyes trained on her and more specifically her leg and Pacey's hand on it, for the millionth time. 'I'll ask him to stop staring if you want?' His warm breath tickled her ear and a spark travelled down her spinal chord and seemed to zig zag between her legs pleasantly and she let out a soft sigh, merely turning her head and capturing his lips, relieved to feel his hand travel a little higher. The shower of nuts thrown by Jen clattered around them and Joey glared at her friend,

'We'll be pelican fighting in the morning - thanks for that,' she slurred her words slightly.

'Pleasure,' Jen grinned with a gallant nod. Joey smiled back but then found her eyes drawn to Dawson who's face was set in a mask of anger, seething anger. She almost gulped guiltily but then remembered he had no right at all to be cross. He supposedly had a girlfriend, one whom looked pretty uncomfortable and was whispering rapidly in his ear.

'Come on then guys,' Jack encouraged, as he and Ben chattered away, laughing over something totally unrelated to barely disguised anger.

'Oh boy is he mad,' Jen frowned as she fell into step beside Joey and Pacey, Pacey's hand wedged down the back of Joey's skirt, her arm around his waist, her hand unapologetically up his shirt.

'Surely he has no right to be mad about _us_ touching if _he_ has a girlfriend?' Joey complained shooting a glance over her shoulder at Dawson and Andie who were lagging behind talking animatedly, their joined hands swinging between them.

'Joey, they're trying to make you and Pacey jealous. Well Dawson is. I'm not sure where Andie is at. I don't think a bit of jealousy from Pacey would hurt her any, though I think she may have real feelings for Dawson. Dawson unfortunately is all about you. He's not over this in anyway and this little act is clearly meant to drive a wedge between you both, and show you that you care for him.'

'Well it isn't working,' Joey hissed.

'Well that's blatantly obvious,' Jen laughed loudly.

'What are you suggesting we do here Lindly? We call them on the lie and they think we're jealous. And if we believe it why would we change how we behave?'

'Oh god, I love Dawson,' Jen sighed, 'you know as a friend of course, but it is awfully amusing for me here on my lonesome to watch the steam come out of his ears at an increasing rate that matches Pacey's hand sliding up your leg. Fricking hysterical. I think he's gonna blow and well if he blows, that charade is all over and that's probably for the best.'

'Is it really?' Joey frowned. 'I like the charade because I get to adore Pace.'

'I'm not sure there's anything that could stop you actively adoring him,' Jen rolled her eyes.

'My dad's presence does it...' Pacey grinned, 'and my moms...'

'I'll believe that when I see it,' Jen smirked.

'My heads spinning,' Joey leant into Pacey.

'That's because you're a little lush,' Pacey pressed a sloppy kiss to her head. She wiped at her forehead,

'Ewwwee, slobber,' she complained.

'I wish I had some slobber,' Jen moaned with a pout.

'Are you missing Henry?' Joey threw her arms around Jen. 'Do you want to borrow Pace?'

'Hm, yeah, no,' Jen shook her head laughing.

'Seriously,' she smiled.

'Joey I don't have the slightest doubt that you'd literally claw my eyes out if I went anywhere near your boyfriend's slobber.'

'I would,' Joey agreed.

'Maybe just throw me a conversational bone every now and then whilst you make out in the sand, with the sound of the crashing ocean in your ears and fireworks literally going off all around you...'

'You paint a great picture you know Jen,' Pacey chuckled.

'Oh man, those two boys are great...look at the spot,' Joey grinned, as they approached the space where Jack and Ben had laid out blankets and laid out a small fire, a little further up the beach away from the crowds.

'I've got the fire permit,' Pacey pressed a kiss to Joey's cheek and headed to Ben and Jack to assist with fire lighting.

'What is it about boys and fire?' Joey murmured as the boys minus Dawson made an elaborate fuss over lighting the simple fire.

'I don't know but I'm a bit of a pyro myself,' Jen shrugged.

'Why doesn't that surprise me?'

'It's my dark and shady background,' Jen giggled as they flopped onto the sand a little ways back from the hoopla.

'Hmm, upper class New York wild child...not so dark and shady...'

'True. My behaviour was dark and shady. You, my friend, have the shady background.'

'I do,' she nodded wisely. 'Now some might say my dads a pyro,' she joked and Jen laughed drunkenly, her laugh turning into a fit of the giggle. 'Sorry.'

'What's so funny?' Dawson asked as he and Jen arrived.

'Joey cracking inappropriate jokes...'

'About what?' Dawson frowned. Joey was so done with Dawson's frown.

'My dad...I figure it's my turn to joke about him.'

'Joey,' Dawson chastised, but she rolled her eyes.

'You don't need to worry...I'm entirely over my father and his criminal ways.'

'You don't need to joke about it. We all know that can't be true...' Dawson looked serious. Joey felt contrite, after all it was true that she wasn't over her dad, but at the same time it was fun to finally manage to see the lighter side of things, to crack the occasional joke. She knew Dawson had always had the serious side of her father issues and so the joking side was sure to spike concern.

'Thank you for worrying Dawson,' she told him sincerely, 'I mean you're right, but I'm tipsy and I'm ok with cracking a joke. I mean it. I'm ok. I don't think so much about my dad these days,' she didn't mean for her eyes to flit to Pacey who had his head on the ground and his butt in the air along with Jack and Ben as they all blew at the flames to encourage them to catch. It was a ridiculous sight and her laugh got caught in her throat, as she pulled her camera from her bag and snapped a picture.

'You seem to only think about one thing these days,' Dawson muttered darkly.

'Well you must know what that's like now you're with Andie, right?' she shrugged pretending she was entirely oblivious to his dark mood, and his clear displeasure at witnessing her adoration of Pacey.

'Right,' he muttered moodlily but her attention was back on Pacey's ass which she rose to her knees, crawled a couple of paces across the sand and pinched.

'Joey,' he looked over his shoulder and glowered at her as she dropped back beside Jen looking innocent.

'I know, I know, the fire is terrifically important,' she snickered knowing she was being childish. Jen beside her apparently was feeling just as mischievous because once Pacey returned his attention to the fire she snuck out across the sand her and pinched his ass, returning to her seat before he responded,

'Seriously Jo,' he turned to look at them again but they'd dissolved into giggles and he shrugged dramatically.

'Pacey,' Joey sing songed when they'd managed to stop laughing.

'What now?' he huffed and turned to look at her. She let her knees drift open, just enough to remind him that she wasn't wearing panties and then clamped them shut again.

'Love you is all,' she gave him doe eyes and he abandoned the fire, crawling across the sand until he was half on top of her and kissing her.

'Don't mind me,' Jen laughed and went to take his place at the fire, just as enthusiastically as he had been before Joey coaxed him away, leaving the two of them off to the side in an entangled heap.

Joey sighed at the relief of being back in proximity.

'It is ridiculous how much I hate being away from you,' she breathed into his ear.

'That feeling is mutual,' he agreed, his hand nudging up and under her skirt, 'I fucking love you in a skirt,' he moaned softly between kisses before deepening the kiss and setting her pulse racing as fast as his heart, her whole being becoming centred on the feel of his hand, the gentle brushing of his fingertips across her sensitive skin. The thrumming between her legs became a deep ache, almost painful in how much she wanted his hand. She'd settle for a finger, anything to sooth her body's craving.

'Pacey,' she moaned his name, the rest of their friends fading from existence. She couldn't care less about glowering ex boyfriends, fires, fireworks, even the crash of the ocean mattered little to her, all she could focus on was the boy kissing her, one hand on her thigh but nowhere near high enough.

'Booze makes you amorous,' he smiled into the kiss,

'You make me amorous,' she clarified, chasing his lips with her own when he chuckled.

'Clearly I'm feeling the same,' he pressed against her allowing her to feel how hard he was, which only served to intensify the ache between her legs.

'I want you to touch me,' she pleaded.

'I want to touch you but we're not alone frauline.'

'I don't care,' she rasped, 'I need your hand on me, I need your fingers sliding into me, I need you to touch me Pace. I'm literally hurting for you...I ache so much because I want you so badly...you have to touch me,' she begged and she felt him shift over her a little more as he groaned, his body serving to shield them a little more from the others. His hand slid up her thigh and grazed the opening between her legs but he moved it immediately at her loud moan.

'Baby, you gotta be quiet,' he kissed her and kept his lips glued to hers as he floated his hand back up her thigh and brushed a finger across her swollen clit and down across the wet warmth.

'Oh,' she cried out.

'Fuck,' he swore, 'God I want to but they'll all know if you aren't quiet...'

'I don't care,' she hissed putting her hand on his and trying to force it.

'You do care,' he insisted.

'I don't,' she pouted.

'You do,' he kissed the lobe of her ear and she glared at him as the ache intensified again,

'I hate you.'

'Anywhere away from here and I'm all yours,' he brushed the hair from her face and tucked it behind her ear. 'I'm desperate to be yours,' he pressed against her yet again and she whimpered,

'Pacey,' she dragged his mouth back to hers and grabbed his hand putting it back on her thigh.

'Goddamnit Joey,' he cursed as he squeezed her thigh and pulled away from her with great difficulty, 'let's go,' he held out his hand as he got to his feet, and then pulled her to hers using her body to shield his fairly evident desire.

'Again?' Jen asked.

'We were trying to sneak,' Joey attempted to be secretive but everyone was looking at them, Dawson looking increasingly agitated.

'No,' the word burst out of him and everyone's focus shifted away from Joey and Pacey and to him, where he was sat next to the fire with Andie, who was staring at him.

'Dawson,' she whispered.

'No, no...I didn't come all the way here for...for this,' he gestured angrily at Joey and Pacey who were stood uncertainly, clearly unsure whether to beat a retreat or sit back down.

'I don't understand,' Joey frowned, 'it's the Fourth, we're just having fun...'

'You're embarrassing yourself,' he stared, 'and what's more - he's letting you.'

'Now Dawson,' it was Jack that said it but they were all thinking it.

'You're not alone you know? You are both acting like horny teenagers and frankly it's disgusting. No one wants to witness you two mauling each other...'

'Are you gonna call me a slut again?' Joey put her hand on her hip and waited expectantly, her lips pursed.

'I'm not calling you anything - I don't have to,' Dawson stated pointedly.

'You are,' she narrowed her eyes furiously. 'You are standing there not saying it, but saying it all the same...'

'Well honestly - look at the way you're behaving! This isn't you and I can't believe that you've let him change you into some...some...'

'Go on, you can say it,' her voice was like steel.

'Fine...into some slut shoving a boys hand up her skirt in front of...' Dawson got no further because Pacey's fist hit his face.

'You shut your mouth,' Pacey yelled and no one could doubt quite how furious he was, holding Dawson by the collar of his shirt, 'what the _fuck_ does it have to do with you? And where the hell do you get off calling her that nasty word when she's merely having a fun time with her boyfriend? The reason it's entirely appropriate is because you'd have to be looking really damn hard to see it and nobody but you is looking. It couldn't be further from the truth to call her that and you look small...really fucking small, when you resort to name calling because you don't like to see that she's grown up, and that innocence you set as a standard for her has evolved into something infinitely more beautiful and stunning because for once in her life this beautiful girl actually feels beautiful and loved and you can see it in everything she does.'

'What like slumming around with you?' Dawson spat back angrily, pushing Pacey off. 'Before you she would never have behaved like this.'

'Well good. I'm glad I've made her feel beautiful and sexy and confident,' Pacey growled. 'You're only losing your shit because you don't make her feel like this.'

'Is that what you think? This isn't who she is. You claim to love her but you don't even know her. Joey is innocent, and beautiful and she was mine...she was mine and you've...'

'That's enough Dawson, I swear to god if you don't shut your mouth...'

'You'll what? Punch me again? Punch me Pacey because I don't care. I'm sick to death of everyone saying what a great guy you are, how you stand up for people, how honourable you are. I see you for who you really are and you think...you think you can screw around with Joey...'

'Dawson I think you and I need to go talk,' Joey stepped between him and Pacey, clearly furious.

'Come on Jo...seriously,' Pacey turned to her incredulous, his face set in anger.

'One minute,' she said to Dawson and took Pacey's hand and led him off to the shadows.

'I can't believe you're gonna give him the time of day after what he said...' Pacey began at once his voice furious but Joey stopped his words with a hard kiss to his mouth,

'I love you,' she stated firmly, 'I love you Pacey, but I need to stand up to him for myself. I need to tell him what I think and I need him to listen.'

'This is all bull shit,' he grumbled, his thumbs tracking over the skin of her hands, 'Ok...yeah ok.' He nodded looking anything but happy about it, 'I get it I guess. I mean I hate it, but I get it...'

'I need your boxers though.'

'Huh?' he looked at her confused.

'I need your boxers Pace because I can't have any kind of conversation with him when I'm not wearing underwear.'

'Oh, right,' he stared at her. 'God I wish you hadn't brought that up,' he gave her a long, ardent kiss before he pulled away.

'Now strip,' she smirked and watched him drop his shorts, pull off his boxers which he handed to her, before pulling his shorts back on. She daintily pulled on his boxers. 'Can you see them?' she asked.

'Pull them up a little - there's a hint of plaid,' he smiled at her, a genuine smile. 'I like you in my clothes.'

'I like you in me...' she offered up.

'Hmm, yeah I like that too.'

'Ok...give us time. I'll be back for the fireworks and if I'm not come and find me. We'll be at the boat.'

'Ok,' he nodded and watched her walk back to the fire and nod to Dawson who followed her. He watched Jen and Jack turn to Andie, but was relieved when Jack and Ben came to sit with him a few minutes later.

* * *

They walked to the boat in silence, Joey attempting to get her thoughts in order so she might handle the situation properly. It was hard to know whether to be sad, happy, angry, guilty, betrayed or all those emotions together. She was happy because Pacey had proven to her once again that she was the person she believed him to be, but she was sad because Dawson wasn't the person she'd hoped he was and she felt betrayed because her friendship with Dawson was clearly reliant on her fulfilling his limited expectations of her and that, obviously, made her angry.

Together they sat in the cabin roof and the silence stretched until she could stand it no longer.

'I had sex with Pacey,' she said even though it was a private thing, and really after his particular brand of name calling, instinct should have had her keeping that particular secret, but she didn't want to fight anymore and so she told him. 'I've been having sex with him for the last three weeks or so. I knew I wanted to for a lot longer than that but we waited until we were both really sure we were ready. You know what Dawson? I didn't think I'd like sex. I've never felt especially pretty and I certainly never felt sexy. I'm not confident, or sassy like Jen. I'm awkward, and self conscious.'

'Why are you telling me this?' he asked shaking his head, his hands rubbing his neck.

'Because I guess you can call me a slut if you really want to. I have sex with a boy. I have a lot of sex with him. You see, I do like sex, well with Pacey I do. I love it. I feel beautiful and sexy and confident. I feel powerful and I feel empowered. I can be sassy. I can be the instigator. You blamed Pacey for tonight but that was all me. I was begging him to touch me.'

'Joey,' Dawson looked like he wanted to cover his ears and curl into a ball.

'You've been my best friend for years. You were there for me when my dad was arrested, and when my mom died. You were there when I was lonely and when I was sad. So was Pacey. You don't own me Dawson. I might be your soulmate but I might be his as well. This behaviour is destructive and I'm not talking about me having sex with my boyfriend.'

'I have a right to be angry Joey,' Dawson said harshly but Joey just sighed,

'Do you?'

'I love you,' he thundered.

'It doesn't feel like love,' she told him carefully.

'You can't tell me how I feel...'

'But I can tell you how I feel Dawson, and when you call me a slut it doesn't feel like love. When you try to tell me I don't love the guy that I know I do, it feels like you don't respect me enough to trust my decisions. You actively try to shame me for my behaviour, for the affection I show him. You don't seem to like me or my choices. You want me to make the choices you would, to behave as you want me to, to be someone I don't think I am anymore. I'm still me, I'm just a more confident, happy me, and that means I'm not constantly seeking reassurance. I don't think you love me. I'm not even sure you like me.'

'It's not like that,' Dawson began instantly and Joey shook her head,

'I understand how defensive you're probably feeling right now and yeah you can argue that Pacey and I were being a little brazen down on the beach, you could argue that had it been you and I we'd probably be waiting to sleep together, you can argue that you're trying to save me, that you want me to think about the consequence of my choices...but the one thing he does that you don't is _trust_ me. He listens to what I say and he goes out of his way to make sure my happiness is his number one priority, so you know what? I'm not a slut. I'm a girl who is in love with her boyfriend and expresses that physically. I was being a little inappropriate down on the beach - I was tipsy and having a little fun with my boyfriend whilst we hung out with our friends. But we didn't _do_ anything, and before we did we stood up to seek privacy elsewhere...mainly because Pace knew I would hate to do what I wanted to do in public. He protects me when I need protecting but he trusts me...we wouldn't be sat here if he didn't.'

'I don't know what to say,' he looked out to sea and Joey felt sorry for him.

'Are you and Andie really together?'

'No,' he shook his head at length, 'I mean our first kiss was genuine enough but I'm clearly not over you.'

'You could do worse than Andie,' Joey offered.

'I think she could do a lot better than me. I used her to try and make you jealous. I told her it would make him jealous...'

'He's not jealous. I'm not jealous.

'That's been painfully obvious,' he muttered ruefully.

'Sorry?' she offered uncertainly, not sure why she should apologize for her lack of jealousy.

'Ha, I think the apology needs to come from me...'

'Dawson...whilst I think what you think of me is wrong and on _so_ many levels...you are entitled to see me however you wish...don't apologize to me if you still think that...'

'My apology is sincere Joey. I feel sick with jealousy when I see you with him and it makes me...lash out I guess.'

'This isn't the first time you've called me a slut Dawson.'

'It has hurt unbearably to see you open up like you have to Pacey,' Dawson admitted, 'and I think I have used that term to try and make you hurt as much as me.'

'That first time you used that phrase I looked up the definition on the Internet. There were several and most of them weren't very nice and didn't really describe me anyway. There was one...it said a slut was a girl who likes sex and so she does it. It connotes self respect I think. I do like sex, but I only like sex with Pacey. I'm not a slut Dawson. I'm not promiscuous, I'm not inappropriate. I don't plan to sleep with the male population of the senior class. Even if I did, I dislike that word on principal and I think you should stop using it. I think it contributes to the inequalities that still exist between males and females. If you ever use it in relation to me again, I'll hit you and Pacey will have to restrain me.'

'I hear that,' Dawson said at length.

'You better,' she looked at him and smiled a small smile. 'I thought for a long time you'd be my first...' she admitted, 'well maybe I didn't think it, but I hoped. In reality I thought it would never happen and I'd be a virgin until death,' she rolled her eyes and he smiled wanly. 'At one time you were all I wanted...'

'I still feel that way,' he murmured but she ignored that,

'But even when I wanted you I needed him. I'm not saying that to hurt you...' she looked at him and then took his hand,

'Then why are you saying it?'

'To release you?' she offered. 'I don't think I'm the one for you. I don't think you're the one for me. I actually think we're entirely too young to know for certain. But when I'm with him...when we're together... I get as close to certain as I think I can...'

'What am I supposed to do now?' he asked looking lost.

'Come back to the bonfire. Chat with your friends. Toast a marshmallow. When Pacey and I forget to come up for air beg some nuts from Jen and chuck them at us. Give Andie a chance Dawson. Give yourself a chance. You're a nice guy.'

'When I'm not name calling.'

'When you're not name calling,' she confirmed. 'When you remember to be a friend rather than a scorned ex.'

'I am your friend,' he sighed.

'I would really like for you to try and be Pacey's friend again,' she squeezed his hand and waited until at length he squeezed back,

'I'll try.'

'That first time...the first time anything beyond friendship occurred between us he said it was wrong. I was the one that insisted...please...give him another chance...another opportunity to be your friend. He misses you and I know you miss him. Please...'

'I will try,' he repeated more certainly.

'You have to Dawson. You have to try with him and you have to try with me because I can't keep doing this. I said I wouldn't choose but if things keep going like this I will choose.'

'I really am sorry,' he looked at her and she smiled a little,

'I believe you,' she said and then looked to the dock at the sound of Pacey's cough,

'We all ok here?' he asked and she saw his eyes flit to her hand holding Dawson's and then away again as if he felt guilty for noticing. 'Just that the fireworks are starting soon.'

'We're ok,' Dawson nodded and released Joey's hand. 'I was apologizing to Joey,' he looked at Pacey for a long while, 'I should apologize to you as well...'

'Should?' Pacey frowned a little,

'Well I want to try and do better. I've not been a particularly nice person of late and I can blame it all on losing the girl I love but jealousy has played a huge role.'

'Understandable,' Pacey shrugged, his eyes finding Joey's for a moment.

'I _am_ sorry for my behaviour towards Joey. I _am_ sorry I haven't been a better friend to the both of you. I _should_ apologize for the things I've said and felt about you...but it's going to take time before we get back what we had, if we ever do.'

'Any effort in that direction is appreciated. I miss you man,' Pacey said simply, a deep sigh echoing in the night air.

'I miss you as well,' Dawson admitted.

'Well that's a start,' he smiled.

'I guess so,' Dawson shrugged.

'We should head back to the beach,' Pacey held out his hand to help Joey jump onto the dock, surprised when she gave him an affectionate kiss, 'what's that for?' he asked smiling widely, clearly surprised that she'd end a deep and meaningful with Dawson and kiss him so brazenly.

'Just because,' she said and squeezed his hand as Dawson jumped to the dock beside them. 'Come on then.'

'So does Jen just carry around a stash of nuts to throw or should I buy my own?' Dawson joked in a deadpan voice and Joey found herself laughing,

'She might be willing to share.'

'Just don't throw to hard,' Pacey slapped a hand to Dawson's back, 'I'm pretty sure you're still figuring you owe me for the punch to your jaw... You just remember my girl...'

'I deserved the punch to the jaw Pace,' Dawson rolled his eyes,

'You did, you did,' Pacey nodded. 'And come on, what's a holiday without a punch up.'

'Not all of us grew up Witter,' Joey reminded him.

'You can bet back in Capeside someone by the name of Witter is suffering, I'm just glad that for once it isn't me.'

'There's still time boyo,' Joey teased.

'Definitely,' Dawson concurred.


	28. Chapter 28

**Hey all,**

**Thanks for all the wonderful reviews and support! I really, really appreciate it. This is the last summer interlude before we're back on canon with season 4. This is mostly fun, sexy stuff - you've been warned. Enjoy! And please keep up the reviews - they give me joy. Joy = writing!**

**Thanks, Tab:-)**

**Chapter 28**

**Vwalla!**

'You know I feel like I've been here before,' Pacey murmured against the skin of Joey's shoulder.

'Severe case of deja vu,' she laughed softly.

'I think there's a little b&amp;b here that holds a special place in my heart,' he tightened his hold on her, arms wrapped around her, her back tight against his chest.

'Because we were both forced to be naked after that crazy storm soaked our clothes?' she asked looking at him over her shoulder.

'Something like that,' he pressed his nose into the curve of her neck and sniffed.

'And didn't we argue?' she asked rhetorically.

'We did. But we also made up,' he said brightly.

'Hmmm, yeah,' she pressed her butt against him letting him know she remembered.

'You know I remember that day because you taught me something important...' he said seriously and she had a quip on the tip of her tongue but held it back because he was serious,

'What was that?'

'Well my parents argue. They argue a lot. In fact everyone in my family seems to argue with everyone else - at least when we're stuck in that house. I though arguing meant a relationship wasn't right - my parents with each other, my parents with me. I guess I can now see arguing with you as a healthy thing.'

'Really?' she asked with a little frown.

'Well yeah. I mean we've always been feisty, we've occasionally been mean, but we care so, _so_ much, and I don't want a doormat Joey. I want a girl who disagrees with me when it's right to disagree with me, and even sometimes when it's not. I want a girl that sees the same situation differently and can help me see it differently too. I want a girl who'll drop to her knees after a fight and I love a girl who'll let me drop to my knees after a fight.'

'You wanna know something Pace?' she swivelled in his arms until she was looking at him, looping her arms around his neck.

'What?'

'You are incredibly clever and wonderful,' she stared at him, 'I am in fact wildly attracted to how worldly smart you are. I also think you get things a lot more clearly than other kids.'

'What do you mean by _things_?' he asked.

'I mean everything,' she explained simply.

'I only get things when I'm with you,' he shrugged and she smiled,

'Then stick with me!'

'Planning on it.'

'Good,' she kissed him.

'So Potter, I have...' he scrimmaged through his pocket and pulled out his wallet. 'Seventy bucks. What's say we revisit that B&amp;B. This time without the arguing, but still with nudity and sex...' he waggled his eyebrows enthusiastically and she laughed,

'Yeah, it really was only the argument that sucked...'

'We can take spare clothes if you're really stuck on the idea but I quite fancied that large bath tub again...'

'Nudity is fine,' she rolled her eyes, 'in fact it's preferred, though I want pyjamas for when th ordered pizza arrives.'

'Don't want to greet the pizza delivery boy at the door in just a towel?' he smirked.

'Hmmm...we could pretend you're the pizza delivery boy - that would be fun,' she bit her lip coquettishly, staring up at him from under fluttering lashes, her hands smoothing across his chest. 'You see the thing is Pace, when I'm just wearing a towel I don't have any money for a tip,' she shrugged slightly.

'You don't?' he looked adorable with his slack jaw and wide eyes.

'Nope,' she shook her head. 'But it's really rude not to give a tip,' she mused.

'So um...what...what will you do?' he stumbled over his words looking entirely uncertain, though his dilated pupils was enough of a tell for her to know that though he might be uncertain, he didn't oppose her little fantasy.

'Hmm, I don't know. I mean..I appreciate the pizza right? But I have no cash. I mean maybe there'd be another way to say...thank you,' she put her hand to the front of his cargo shorts and pressed against his impressive hardness. 'Hmmm...what do you think Pace? What should I do?'

'I...' he stared at her, watching as she dropped to her knees and looked up at him.

'Do you think...maybe if I did this,' she pushed his shorts and boxers out of the way and then licked from the base of his cock to the tip, keeping her eyes fixed on him the entire time, 'do you think that would do?'

'Mmmmm fuck yeah,' he groaned.

'Well if that'll do,' she made to stand and he groaned, his hands in her hair halting her,

'I thought protocol is twenty percent...that was only one or two, you know..I know you hate to be rude,' he fixed her with a steely look,

'I hate to be rude,' she murmured her agreement, then at total odds with her words put her hand on him before swirling her tongue around his cock.

'Fuck,' he swore as she used her hands and mouth to bring him to the point where his knees were shaking and his hands were in her hair, his hips thrusting of their own accord and his hot cum was filling her mouth.

'You think that will do?' she asked as she daintily pulled up his boxers and shorts before looping her arms back around his neck.

'What I think, is that I'm answering the door,' he grinned.

'Hmmm, ok,' she agreed with a causal shrug and a satisfied smirk.

'You're full of surprises aren't you now my gorgeous little hussy.'

'Hussy?' she raised her eyebrows questionably and he stared right back,

'Hmm,' he pressed a kiss to her forehead and then looked down at her, 'you just gave me the best blow job in lieu of a tip you didn't owe me for a pizza I didn't deliver, so yeah, I think I'm going with hussy,' he watched her start to laugh and found himself laughing to.

'What have you done to me Witter? I'm a total floozy,' she sighed dramatically.

'And I for one am extremely thankful for that,' he continued to smile and she hit him lightly in the chest. 'Your little adventurous streak has been an utterly wonderful surprise.'

'Pacey,' she chided softly feeling her cheeks heat up.

'Aah, and there's the prude I know and love,' he sassed, hugging her tight and pressing a kiss to her hair.

'I'm not too...you know?' she asked at length.

'Too what?'

'Into it...you know sex? We do it an awful lot Pace and yeah I'm quick to suggest this or that...'

'And so am I,' he shrugged easily. 'I love sex with you Joey. I'd have sex with you quite happily for the rest of my life.'

'Really?' she gave him a soft look.

'It's not like I'm gonna get bored,' he teased with a smirk and she hit his chest again.

'You might,' she couldn't help the vulnerability still seeping in at times.

'Really?' he laughed because the notion was honestly ridiculous, 'I have the hottest girlfriend ever, I mean you are literally leagues above me and I have you. You love having sex, you're creative and dirty and then adorably bashful afterwards. I promise you - I'll never get bored.'

'Well good,' she rested her head against his chest listening to the steady thump of his heart.

'You ok?'

'I guess I'm sad to be going home,' she played with his hair, 'but excited all the same.'

'Yeah. Happy with how you left things?' he asked and she lifted her head from his chest to look at him, squinting in the bright sunshine.

'You ask that everyday?'

'You've been a little quiet since we left Key West and the others,' he said with a shrug.

'I'm ok Pace. I'm sad that I had to hurt him.'

'Want to expand on how exactly you hurt him?' Pacey asked carefully and Joey sighed. She'd kept the details of her tete a tete with Dawson to herself, but it was the third time Pacey had asked and she didn't want him to build it into something it wasn't.

'Remember when we were you know...intimately entwined just before Jen and Jack arrived? Remember how I said I was a private person and how I wasn't going to broadcast us sleeping together. You asked if I'd tell Dawson. You also said that Dawson is always a part of our relationship. The thing is, when he arrived, when he was trying to make us jealous and was then glaring, well I could see how that might be true.'

'You said you didn't want to rub us having sex in his face. I remember that,' Pacey shrugged as they sat on the cabin roof. Joey chuckled wryly,

'Well that was exactly what I did.'

'Rubbed it in his face?' Pacey's whole demeanour brightened instantly and he looked positively gleeful.

'Yes,' she whacked him on the arm but he just laughed,

'I know, I know, I'm back to dragging my knuckles but right now the inner me is doing somersaults and boo ya sucks to be you dances.'

'Boo ya sucks to be you dances?' she gave him a scathing look.

'My gorgeous, beautiful, intelligent, amazing girlfriend told her ex, the guy that actively wants to break us up, that we had sex? As much as I want the guy to forgive me, my inner Neanderthal male mind is positively gleeful,' he shrugged, 'what exactly did you say Jo?'

'Really? You really need to know?'

'Well did you describe the sex? Did you detail how phenomenal it is? Just how badly does he wish he were me?'

'You are such an idiot,' she sighed but rubbed a hand across his short hair.

'Please Joey,' he fell to his knees and shuffled between her legs looking up at her with large pleading eyes.

'You,' she poked him in the chest, 'are ridiculous.'

'Please,' he pouted and then grinned when he saw her relent,

'Oh god, ok fine. I told him we had sex, that I love sex with you, that it makes me feel...you know good about myself. I told him I can be the instigator, and that it was me begging for you to touch me on the beach that night.'

'_Really_?' He grinned broadly and his fingers slid along the skin at her waist.

'Yes Pacey,' she rolled her eyes.

'You told Dawson Leery that sex with me, _with me_,' he ran his hands up and down her sides and edged closer, 'is something that you love. You used the word beg...' he pressed a cascade of kisses across her face, her neck, her collarbone.

'You're going to be unbearable,' she sighed.

'I'm going to try and make you beg for sure,' he grinned into his kisses.

'Then I'll do my best not to beg,' she shrugged and he looked at her,

'This could be fun.'

'Hmmm,' she agreed, shooting him a sideways look. Clearly they both knew the challenge was on. 'Let's pack a bag and head to our little B&amp;B. We'll see who's begging.'

'We will,' he agreed and kissed her hard on the mouth, his tongue entangling with hers as his hands threaded through her hair. She moaned softly but pushed at him until they were breathing heavily, a centre-meter of air between them.

'Let's go,' she narrowed her eyes at him and he laughed before getting up off his knees and holding out a hand to her. 'Can we motor into dock?'

'Wanna get there sooner rather than later?' he asked pointedly.

'Up to you, I can wait,' she told him with a dismissive little shrug of her shoulders. 'I'll go pack, you decide.'

'Sure, sure,' he answered turning on the motor.

* * *

'This place is cuter than I remember,' Pacey stated as they approached the B&amp;B.

'Last time you were here you were pissed, then it was midnight and when we left in the morning we were rushing.'

'Like I was saying, it's a pretty nice place,' he slung an arm across her shoulders, their packed bag in his other hand.

'Let's go check in,' she chuckled slightly, smiling at him indulgently.

* * *

'So Potter, have you checked out the size of this bed?' she heard Pacey ask from the bathroom where she was indulging in a hot shower, a shower which was clean of other people's scum, a shower in which shower shoes were not necessary.

'Have you checked out the shower?' she asked smiling to herself. 'It's amazing.' The following silence surprised her because Pacey seemed to find it nearly impossible to shut his mouth for any length in time, a characteristic she actually found endearing and loved. His sudden appearance at the edge of the shower curtain scared the crap out of her and she screamed loudly,

'Jesus Pace, I nearly wet myself.'

'You asked if I'd checked out the shower,' he said casually hopping in entirely naked. 'That made me think of a hot shower, then a hot shower with you in it, then of course you'd be naked, that made me hard, then I realized you're actually in a shower naked and I'm allowed to see you naked these days, and touch you and then I realized I was a dullard for going on about the bed and so _vwalla_ \- here I am,' he gave her an optimistic smile.

'Well you might be naked, and wet, and _Pacey. _Andwell be_ entirely_ aroused and utterly gorgeous, but I'm not begging,' she patted him on the chest patronizingly.

'Are you sure,' he smiled at her, his hypnotic smile, with those deep soulful eyes of his and she considered giving him what he wanted but really, right now it was a toss up which was more appealing - the shower or the boy.

'I'm sure,' she grabbed the shampoo bottle, smiled at him sweetly and squirted the liquid onto her hand.

'Na a ah,' he shook his head stepping a little closer and scooping the shampoo from her hand, 'I wanna,' he kissed her shoulder and she realized he was probably going to win the damn bet because whilst cocky, confident Pacey was a formidable foe, sweet, caring Pacey with the soulful eyes was unbeatable. She attempted to relax as he lathered her hair and then turned her so the water washed out the soap, but despite her best attempts she was acutely aware of his skin sliding along hers, the movement causing a cataclysmic onslaught of butterflies and electricity. His skin felt like silk, mixed as it was with the water and soap, and she only hoped hers felt as amazing to him. She struggled to catch her breath, to slow her racing heart, to just enjoy the simplicity of standing under a cascade of water with the boy she loved. It didn't work. She was almost painfully aware of where their bodies were touching, and even more painfully aware of where they weren't. His hands smoothed over her back, the soap making their glide across her shoulder blades and down to her butt, effortless. She felt him step closer and she could feel how hard he was as he was pressed up tight against her, his cock against her ass and his hand gliding across her stomach to brush between her legs. Only he didn't dwell on her clit as she desperately wanted, a whimper of complaint escaping her, merely skimming the soap briefly there before rubbing his hands across her stomach and up to her chest. She sighed in relief as his hands carefully spread the soap around each boob, her head falling back to rest on his shoulder.

'Pace,' she could hear the need in her voice and apparently so could he because even though he only said,

'Yeah Jo?' she could hear the triumph.

'You missed a bit,' she pulled his hand back to her boob and he chuckled softly before tweaking her nipple gently. When he turned her around and dropped to his knees she did a mental cheer and threw a mental ticker tape parade just for the hell of it. Only he didn't put his mouth on her as she desperately wanted, wanted all the more for his denying her. He merely soaped up his hands and cleaned one foot, then the other, and then cleaned up each leg, his lips just millimetres from her throbbing clit.

'Oh god, fuck it,' she whimpered, 'please Pacey,' she threaded her fingers through his hair and tried to push his face between her legs but he resisted and looked up at her.

'Please what?' he asked far too innocently.

'Please put your face between my legs, please,' she begged crying out as he acquiesced and sucked her aching clit into his mouth. 'Oh god,' she pulled at the short strands of his hair, and felt his chuckle right at the opening between her legs, his hot breath divine. His thumb found her clit as he licked and kissed and worked his magic, this wonderful spell that drove her body insane, the build up of feeling so intense she almost wanted to cry.

'Please, please,' the words fell from her lips and he switched his hand and his mouth, his mouth doing something to her clit that felt insanely good, and when he thrust his fingers inside of her she came hard, her fingers clawing at his back, her legs wobbling worryingly, and her fingers and toes curling from the intensity of the buzzing pleasure that spread throughout her. 'Pacey,' she pleaded but she didn't even know why she was pleading, or what for, only that she hadn't known her body could come that hard.

'Can I fuck you?' he'd shimmied up and the words were breathed into her ear, intimate and loving despite his base request. She opened her eyes that she'd shut when he'd first put his mouth on her,

'Hmm, yeah,' she agreed but turned around, 'like this,' she told him and loved the near feral growl as he pulled her ass towards him as she braced against the tiles of the shower, tilted enough to allow him to push his way inside of her with one powerful thrust of his hips.

'God Jo, you're so fucking hot,' he cursed, as he pulled out and pushed in again, his hips working hard and fast. She loved hearing his muttered curses, loved the way his hand was rough against her chest without losing any of it's skill, and when he brought his other hand to her still sensitive clit, his thumb infinitely skilled in its movement, she cried out loudly and thrust her ass back into him as he thrust forward into her. 'Fuck, I'm gonna come baby,' he growled. She didn't question how much Pacey swore during sex compared to every day life - she totally understood why, and she absolutely loved the fact that he only ever called her baby when they were having sex.

'Me too,' she hissed, and then all at once her body crashed over, the nerve endings doing their happy dance, as he cried out, biting down on her shoulder almost painfully, though it only heightened the feelings of her orgasm. Her breathing was ragged as she felt him pulse inside of her, releasing all of himself into her, something she'd thought seemed kinda gross before she had sex, but now found erotic. The thought of his come inside of her made her feel possessive and strong, because he was hers and it somehow proved that. Then all at once she felt exhausted, and hot and lightheaded. 'I need to lie down,' she murmured before the world went black.

* * *

Opening her eyes, Joey instinctively sought out Pacey. He wasn't in bed beside her, they weren't on the boat, and she felt decidedly woozy as she looked at his beautiful, worried face looking at her from where he was kneeling on the floor beside the bed.

'What happened?' she asked.

'Apparently that second orgasm was just too much for you and you fainted,' he teased softly holding up a class of water. Shifting her head onto her elbow so the water wouldn't spill she took a sip.

'I think it was the heat of the shower,' she smirked at length.

'Definitely the mind blowing second orgasm,' he told her seriously.

'I don't feel hurt,' she mentally assessed herself,

'I caught you,' he shrugged easily and she melted a little inside, because of course he caught her, he _always_ caught her. 'I'm sorry,' he said with a wrinkling of his nose.

'You better clarify for what you're apologizing? The romantic hair washing? The insanely sexy body washing? The amazing feeling of your mouth between my legs? Or is it the mind blowing, faint inducing orgasm caused by you fucking me?'

'I love it when you talk dirty,' he climbed onto the bed beside her, one hand resting in the hollow above her hip, the other curled up under his head so he could see her better. 'You're ok?'

'I'm ok,' she smiled and pressed a kiss to his lips. 'We didn't kiss once.'

'Well I kissed you,' he gave her an impish look.

'You did,' she giggled. 'I love you,' she put her hand on his cheek.

'I love you,' he pressed a kiss to her forehead, as there was a knock at the door. 'Pizza,' he stated brightly, 'and at least two pieces so there's no more fainting,' he jumped up and headed to the door,

'Um...Pace,' she called.

'Yep?' he looked back at her.

'Clothes.'

'You make an excellent point my dear,' he made a grab for his cargo shorts and pulled them on, forgoing underwear entirely. Joey decided that the look was a good one as he answered the door.


	29. Chapter 29

**Ok. Last update before I head to the UK. This is a coming home for Pacey and Joey much as my trip to the UK will be a coming home. Hopefully I'll be inspired and find time to write. This chapter is long. There's good and bad. It is canon so some dialogue is lifted but reworked to reflect the new way things are.**

**Please read and review! I need the love;-)**

**Thanks to my regulars - you know who you are. I will list you all by name soon to prove I know who you are - really I do. The time you take to give me a review is so important to me. Thank you guys!**

**Tab:-)**

**Chapter 29**

Joey stared at the horizon absentmindedly wondering how three blissful months could so quickly be coming to a close. She didn't really know how she felt about senior year - part of her wanted to sail the seven seas with Pacey forever. She knew she may not feel that quite so strongly about boating life when winter rolled around.

'Hey! Just caught us some dinner,' the boy in question called cheerfully from the end of the boat.

'Ahh, seafood. Great change of pace, Pace,' she mocked gently.

'Was that a note of disgust I detect at our sustenance of the ocean born?' he grinned at her.

'After this trip, if I never eat a thing that breathes through gills again, it'll be too soon,' she kissed his cheek and hugged him close, wrapping her arms around his waist despite the fish clutched in his hand. She was surprised that he didn't have a quick glib comeback so she looked up at him to find him staring into the distance at the land, much as she had been doing mere minutes earlier, only she'd been staring out to the open sea.

'So there she blows, huh? Capeside, Mass. Our first and last port of call,' he mused somewhat sorrowfully.

'Doesn't look much different than when we left it, does it?'

'Well, that's cause it ain't, Fraulien,' he shrugged.

'I'm in no more of a race than you are to get back there, but it's not like we have another choice,' she sighed and nudged her hand under his t-shirt smoothing it across his skin,

'We don't have to go home,' he gave her a long look, 'I mean face it Jo - we survived three months taking odd jobs. We can survive as long as we want. Just as long as we're happy. You know, that place - it isn't any different, but you and me? We are.'

'Pacey, if you're so serious about this, then why bring it up now? Two hours from home?' she asked softly because really the whole notion of just drifting was appealing.

'Two hours from home? See, I think we should probably drop anchor here, have a bite to eat and then we can debate whether or not to scrap this whole mission home,' he gave her an encouraging kiss.

'You know, I don't believe you, Pacey Witter. I mean, as truant as your natural instinct may be, you'd never really suggest skipping our senior year entirely,' she poked him in the stomach as he dropped the fish on a plate.

'Think about it Jo - just what would we be missing from the land of poorly scripted melodramas, huh? Recycled plot lines, tiresome self-realizations. Throw in the occasional downward spiral of a dear friend, maybe a baby here and death there, and all you really got is a recipe for some soul sucking, mind numbing ennui, and I for one could skip it,' he kissed her soundly on the lips but she shifted the kiss until she was placing a tender kiss on his nose,

'You know what continually amazes me, Pacey?'

'What's that?' he wrapped his arms more firmly around her now that he'd got rid of the fish,

'How long you've lasted without being thrown off this boat,' she gave him a deadly serious look,

'Well finally. There's something we can both agree upon,' he released his firm grip on her and took her hand and with a last look at each other they jumped into the water. Joey came up gasping for air in the cold water, but as ever Pacey was there, one hand on her waist as he kicked steadily.

'We really aught to take off our clothes before we jump,' she kissed him because she loved him wet,

'Hmm, we tried that - remember? We just ended up having sex.'

'Are you saying that there's something wrong with that?' she teased and he flushed,

'No,' he laughed then, 'actually we should have thought this through because sex sounds really good right now...'

'Pace, are you serious? That you'd rather not go back?'

'In a way yeah. I'm selfish you know. I like having you all to myself. I like how free we are to be together,' to demonstrate the point he knocked down the straps of her top and pressed a kiss to her bare shoulder, his other hand skimming her waist.

'I don't know how I'll sleep without you,' she admitted.

'We still haven't finished our book,' he felt the same way. 'The truth is, if we had this back in Capeside...you know you and me together, free to be ourselves, I wouldn't mind. The problem is all the outside crap we put up with there.'

'The reality of life is outside crap,' she told him firmly. 'You're just meant to find someone who makes the outside crap more endurable, and who helps eliminate your inside crap,' she looked at him and saw that he was trying not to laugh.

'Inside crap?' he queried. 'I think you may need a strong laxative not a boyfriend to eliminate your inside crap...'

'Oh shut up,' she threw herself on him and dunked him, her hands tickling his sides.

* * *

Joey found it hard to describe her mood. She was excited to be home, excited to see everyone, most particularly Bessie, but she felt awful about not getting to be with Pacey - she honestly wasn't quite sure how she'd get through the full 24 hours of separation they'd stupidly agreed to. She saw it as cold turkey from a severe addiction.

'Boy! That's a little on the heavy side. Who's that one for?' he handed her a heavy wrapped package and she blushed, laughing at the same time,

'Well I didn't know what to get Dawson, not at all, especially not after Key West but I got everyone else something...'

'So what did you decide on?' he was smirking.

'A brick,' she told him with just a hint of sass, rewarded with his huge smile,

'As a symbol of the friendship you're rebuilding?' he waggled his eyebrows.

'Some thing like that,' she admitted.

'That's cute,' he winked at her.

'Pacey,' she flushed, 'Is that everything?'

'Yeah for right now. I figured we'd just leave the rest of the stuff on boat and pick it up tomorrow. Uhh, before we leave though, there is one other thing we should cover.

'What's that?' she frowned.

'Well, they're gonna ask,' he shrugged.

'Who's gonna ask what?'

'The masses. They're gonna ask what happened on the boat. Between you and I, you know, sexually speaking.'

'No one cares, Pacey. Okay, maybe they care, but they're not going to ask. It's too crass. Besides, lets face it Jen, Jack and Dawson know, which means Andie probably knows. That is far too many people knowing about what is meant to be private.'

'We live in a crass age, sweetheart.'

'Okay, so what are you going to say?'

'That really depends,' he looked at her pointedly.

'On?'

'On what you're going to say,' he chuckled.

'Well, I guess I'm going to say nothing because it's no one's business, not with as many people knowing as currently do.'

'That's good. Nothing sounds perfect.'

'Besides, they're not going to ask.'

'Oh, they'll ask.'

'Well, this is it. The last of our summer. I go left, you go right and we spend the next full 24 hours away from each other,' she spoke with false bravado, her heart aching slightly at the impending separation. Her heart also somewhat miffed at Pacey's apparent indifference.

'If you're curious as to why I'm not currently awash in sadness, it's only because, to be perfectly honest, you were starting to get on my nerves, Jo,' he gave her a shoulder nudge.

'Good, because you know, I'd hate to think after all of our intimate talks, you were actually covering up your aching heart with false bravado.'

'Well, put your mind at ease. I guess I'll call you tomorrow, maybe,' he was entirely dismissive.

'Oh, if you think about it. Sure, okay. Good luck out there.'

'Thanks,' he turned and walked, and so did she, only to return seconds later, met by his strong arms and fevered kisses. 'Not ready,' he breathed unwilling to break the kiss. Joey dropped the brick, her bag and even the Carolina Jasmine she'd picked up for Bessie, looping her arms behind his neck.

'Let's live on the boat forever,' she really didn't care that much about senior year anymore.

'Deal,' he picked her up and edged back towards the boat.

'If you're planning on trying to lift me onto the boat we'll be swimming with the fishes,' she grabbed his hand and jumped on board, followed hastily by Pacey, stumbling slightly in his eagerness.

'I don't wanna swim with the fishes, I wanna drown in you,' he cooed whilst placing warm kisses on her neck, following her below deck. She laughed,

'Such a romantic,' she teased.

'I'm not being romantic,' his hands found her bare thighs and brushed up them pushing her skirt aside, 'I mean I literally want to drown in you,' he brushed his fingers between her legs to emphasize his meaning and his intent.

'You're obsessed,' she chided lightly falling back on the bed.

'With you? Yes I am,' he peeled off her panties and then lay on top of her, his hard cock pressing against her naked flesh exquisitely.

'So why are we having a 24 hour break,' she sighed as he trailed kisses across her neck.

'That was your crazy suggestion,' he pointed out resting his face in the valley between her breasts for a moment, clearly pleased to be there despite the clothing in the way. 'If I had it my way we'd always be together,' as if to emphasize his point he shimmied down her body and breathed hot air between her legs, 'you're so wet,' he groaned, his words vibrating against her inner thigh, 'it makes me so hard,' his tongue sweeping into her took her by surprise and her back arched off the bed,

'Pacey,' she cried out his name and dug her fingers into his hair as he relentlessly licked and kissed and sucked, whatever it was he did that sent her body crazy, her heart racing, a pulse thrumming between her legs, and her lungs gasping for air. Just when she felt her body about to fall hedonistically into Pacey induced heaven he stopped. 'Pacey,' she growled his name in complaint, but then he was above her looking into her eyes, his hard cock against the thrumming ache, nothing between them. 'Please,' she all but whimpered and he took no mercy slamming into her, his body close to hers, and with that one movement she fell apart, her thighs clamping around him, as she arched upward. He didn't allow her recovery time though, apparently he had an aching need of his own and he thrust in and out of her, her legs still tight around him, until she was scratching her nails down his back and his hips were moving faster and more erratically, his own cry swallowed in a needy kiss.

'Twelve hours,' he whispered.

'Huh?' she frowned.

'You wanted twenty four hours. I think I can only manage...you know twelve minutes, but let's face it, that's a little pathetic, so twelve hours. If you need more, you got it, but I'm gonna call.'

'Call,' she agreed.

'Now let's make you somewhat decent so Bessie doesn't ask that question because the answer so obvious.'

'Hmmm, no one knows we're back,' she mused. 'Maybe we could just lie here.'

'Anytime Potter,' he agreed, pulling her close.

* * *

'Finally managed to tear yourself away from Pacey, huh?' Jen fell into step beside Joey as she ambled towards the B&amp;B.

'Jen,' Joey greeted her friend and they shared an awkward half hug. 'And what do you mean?'

'I saw the boat in the dock, saw the way it was rocking and walked away.'

'You did not,' Joey blushed and nudged Jen, unable to help the smile despite her embarrassment.

'It wasn't rocking, I admit it, though I saw those items currently in your hands dropped to the ground, and I put two and two together...you get a little separation anxiety?'

'Something like that,' Joey admitted. 'I think we have a problem.'

'Trust me Jo, it's not a problem. A problem is a boyfriend at boarding school, not a boyfriend you want to have a lot of sex with, who loves you fiercely. So not a problem.'

'Sorry about Henry,' Joey wrinkled her nose and Jen slipped her arm through Joey's.

'I'll cope, which is of course all wrong. I shouldn't be able to cope, you know like you - the girl who abandons her gifts on the dock in favour of hot nookie.'

'So you don't think I'm a sex crazed animal?' Joey asked, a touch of insecurity.

'Oh you are, you absolutely are. You and Pacey are all out crazy for each other. However, I don't think there's anything wrong with that. In fact I think there's everything right with that.'

'And what are you going to do about Henry?'

'Wait it out I guess. Probably end things. I don't know. What I do know is I've found you a job.'

'Good because I desperately need one of those,' Joey smiled, 'where am I working?'

'You're a serving wench at Leery's Fresh Fish,' Jen smiled proudly.

'Well that beats the yacht club for sure. Andie suggested there back in Key West...'

'It's ok, I recall your reaction,' Jen chuckled. 'Let's work together - and you know the boss is good.'

'I don't think I'm ever going to escape food of the ocean,' Joey sighed.

'Not for a while. Let's see where you go to college...'

'Haha,' Joey laughed.

* * *

'Guess who?' Joey felt warm, familiar hands cover her eyes.

'Uhh, let's see. It can't possibly be my boyfriend. We're not supposed to see each other till tomorrow. He was growing sick of me.'

'Yeah, that was before he found out he was homeless and needed to bum a couch for the night,' he plonked down beside her and began to shell peas with her.

'If you only want me for my couch you can think again...'

'Well you know I want you for your bed and your body, but I didn't think Bessie would be down with that.'

'Well you can't have either. The B&amp;B is booked so I'm on the couch till Tuesday. It's not big enough to share,' she shrugged.

'Is it just me, or are you starting to get the distinct feeling that this town really didn't miss us all that much,' Pacey grumbled.

'You mean it's like the reverse of "It's a Wonderful Life", except everybody's better off without us.'

'Except for each other,' he cut in and she laughed,

'They're pleased to see us grumble puss. You know they are, so stop feeling sorry for yourself.'

'Jack and Jen, absolutely, everyone else is a no. My parents gave my room to Carry's kids, Gretchen is home from college for no good reason, for no known amount of time, so even Dougy doesn't want me...'

'I want you, even grumpy and pouty as you are.'

'So you'll stay on the boat with me?' he looked so optimistic she kissed his nose,

'Beats the couch. You can tell Bessie though.'

'She asked, huh?' he gave her a shit eating grin,

'She asked.'

'And you said?'

'At first I evaded, but she's my sister...I planned to just say yes we did it, but then she wanted details and whilst I love my sister and yes we're close, I can't tell her how you make me come so hard I faint, or that I love you on top of me, inside of me, behind me...I have such a bad, bad mind these days. How is Shakespeare going to squeeze his way in between thoughts of naked you?' she looked at him slightly desperately only to find him laughing so hard he was making no noise. 'Oh shut up,' she bashed her shoulder into his.

'I'm sorry,' he breathed heavily trying to calm down, 'so Bessie didn't get details?'

'I told her it was good, that you were sweet and kind, that you bought me chocolate hearts. I told her you were an excellent lover before you go all pouty.'

'You did huh,' he looked inordinately pleased.

'Yeah, and don't be so smug. She says you can't stay over. Not good for the B&amp;B's image.'

'That's not true. I'm excellent for the B&amp;B's image...' he frowned.

'I tried every argument in the book,' she arched her brows, 'they didn't fly.'

'I'll try too,' he mused. 'You think she'll let you sleep on the boat?'

'Well she let me all summer, and it's gotta beat me on the couch in front of the guests.'

'Well good,'

'So what do you want to do tonight? Wanna grab some pizza and hang out on the boat or, I was thinking maybe we could go catch a bad summer movie at the $1.50 theater. What do you say?'

'Well, uhh, actually, Jen invited me to the Dive-In,' she squeezed his finger threateningly as he grabbed for her pea and he flicked her back,

'The Dive-In? Everybody from school is gonna be at the Dive-In. To be perfectly honest, I don't think I'm prepared for that quite yet,' he sighed over dramatically and so Joey shot him a look, because they weren't supposed to be spending the night together. 'Oh I get it, you were you gonna go without me?'

'We could just go together. I think it would be fun. And healthy. You know, to see everyone.'

'To see Dawson,' he said and she didn't like his tone. He was honestly ridiculous when it came to Dawson sometimes.

'Yes, to see Dawson, which we've talked about, Pacey. It's no secret that I'm anxious to improve things between us. You know that. Don't be crazy jealous Pace about it, ok?' she tangled her fingers through his.

'It's no secret, I know. And to be perfectly honest, I don't really care where we go or what we do. As long as we do it together,' he kissed her and she sighed into the kiss. She didn't think kissing Pacey would ever grow old.

* * *

The dive-in was crazy crowded, but she and Pacey soon found Jen, Jack and Andie on a boat and joined them, Andie hugging Joey enthusiastically.

'How goes it all?' Joey asked her.

'So, so, you know. Dawson and I aren't together...which you guys know of course, but we did try to date when we got home...it just didn't really work. But I'm good. You look great,' she touched Joey's tanned arm.

'Doesn't she, just,' Pacey dropped his arm around her shoulder but she shrugged it off.

'Go boy talk with Jack,' she suggested and he wrinkled his nose in amusement before joining Jack at the front of the boat, Jen taking his spot.'So you're ok about Dawson?'

'Actually yeah. I think we could be good but I'm not able to compete with his feelings about you,' Andie admitted. 'No offence.'

'Well Pacey's sister is back in town...Dawson used to have the biggest crush on her. He thought Pacey and I didn't know but we so did. Dawson can't hide it. Maybe she'll knock the shine off me. You are far better for him than me, he just needs some time and distance to realize it.'

'Have you seen him?' Jen asked and Joey shook her head.

'I was hoping to see him tonight. I went round to his house but he was out. His room was like a stranger lived there...'

'He went for a big overhaul. A fresh start to mend his broken heart.'

'It was a relief to see the picture of the six of us in Key West up otherwise I might think our friendship was in my imagination.'

'He's just doing his best,' Jen offered kindly.

'I know, I do. I miss him is all.'

'And he misses you,' Jen gave her a hug, 'and speak of the devil.'

'I'm the devil?' Dawson asked with a low laugh.

'I was just saying I went to see you today but you were out. I wanted to catch up. Shall we go get drinks together?'

'Yeah ok,' Dawson smiled. 'Hey,' he nodded cooly at Pacey, who smiled back, though it didn't reach his eyes. 'I forgot to bring nuts. Am I to assume they are still necessary?' it was his attempt at a joke and they took it for what it was,

'Here man,' Pacey dug in his bag and tossed a bag of nuts Dawson's way.

'Thanks,' Dawson actually laughed and Joey jumped off the boat.

* * *

'There you are,' Pacey met her on the sand but he didn't look as happy as she expected.

'What's the matter?'

'You've been gone for over an hour,' he frowned.

'We got to talking?' she frowned back.

'We should go,' he looked angry and she honestly didn't have a clue what his problem was.

'Excuse me?'

'Well maybe I should go, 'cause it seems like my presence is superfluous to requirements.'

'Maybe you should,' she could be just as angry, 'I'm having a fun time.'

'I'm sure you are,' the insinuation was heavy.

'And you're not? Because I'm not hanging off you? Is that it?'

'You know that's not it,' he growled.

'It can't be because I'm talking to a male friend? I'm pretty sure you wouldn't want to be _that_ kind of boyfriend.'

'That's not fair,' he told her. 'An hour. You disappear when we're spending an evening together for an hour - with the guy that has tried to convince you to break up with me countless times.'

'If you recall, tonight was supposed to be about a little time apart...'

'And you just couldn't wait to get to Dawson could you?' he glared at her.

'I can't believe you're behaving like this,' she shook her head,

'And just how am I behaving?' his eyes were narrowed and it just made her more cross,

'I don't know, currently I'm deciding between asinine, immature child, or arrogant infantile boyfriend,' she narrowed her eyes - two could so play at that game.

'You know, I shouldn't have come here in the first place,' he shook his head.

'Maybe you shouldn't,' she agreed.

'Yeah, I guess you would have loved that. It would have given you all the time in the world to sort things with Dawson. Those were your words, right?'

'I said I wanted to work on our friendship.'

'You said relationship.'

'For gods sake Pace, I didn't. You and I have a relationship, Dawson and I have a friendship. Fixing that friendship is a reality for me, for both of us.'

'I'm pretty sure the guy hates me and I can't fix that.'

'Well, you can try!'

'I am trying. I'm always trying. Maybe I'm sick of trying so hard all the time.'

'Well I do want to keep trying. I think it's worth it and I'm sorry if you have a problem with that,' she was sick to death of this same issue the whole time.

'You're damn right I have a problem with that. You're not even unpacked yet, and the first thing you think to do is seek him out for alone time...

'Look, I can't help it if it has been on my mind, lots has been on my mind. But it doesn't mean what you think it means...' she was beginning to feel weighted down, like the argument was more than she could deal with.

'I don't know what it means. I don't care what it means. I just watched you grow more and more preoccupied every day this week, and I'm tired of it. And it better stop,' he told her and she found the strength and the complete willingness to fix him with steely eyes,

'You better watch who you're ordering around Pacey. We're not on the boat and we haven't been for a day,' she hissed the warning. 'I also find that hugely unfair.'

'Maybe you could try thinking about how you'd feel if I disappeared up the beach with Andie for an hour at a time,' he looked down and coughed, 'sometimes I feel like you don't get it. I want you to have what you want, but some times I do feel like throwing a tantrum about it. I love you. Do you get that, I love and adore you and when you go with a guy that's held you heart and soul for years...I freak out...especially after a summer entangled with you...'

'You'd think a summer like we just had would have given you a little faith,' she chastised.

'I have faith that what you two have will always be that much more than us,' he told her, most unfairly In her opinion before he stalked off.

* * *

For the first half hour following Pacey's storm off Joey was mostly angry. The anger changed to hurt and after a soul searching twenty minutes with Jen she just felt sorry and entirely determined to undo Pacey's very stupid belief that he was second best to Dawson in particular, but really second best in lone in general. She'd thought her readiness to accept the evolution of things between them months earlier would have given him confidence. If that didn't, standing up and saying to everyone at Aunt Gwen's that they were together should have. And if both those things failed to let him know how highly she thought of him, how important he was to her, more important than anyone else, well surely the sex should have emphasized it. And not just the sex but the accompanying intimacy. And telling Dawson about it. She hadn't realized he'd been broken so thoroughly by his parents until that moment. They called him a loser - had done so in front of her - he clearly believed them and she just couldn't have that.

She hitched a ride home with Jack and then drove the truck to the boat. She wasn't sure how to start especially in the face of his stoic magazine "reading." Really he was ignoring her,

'Well, I've decided something. And it is perhaps the singularly most important thing that I've realized in the last 45 minutes, so I must share it with you. This town has far too many stoplights for somebody who's not very good at driving stick. I stalled 7 times coming over here,' she spoke clearly and calmly because he was going to hear her this time,

'Too bad it wasn't 8,' he said and she rolled her eyes.

'I stalled 7 times and 6 out of the 7 times, you know what I thought about? You,' she sat beside him, his tenseness radiating off of him. The things was he had never had someone who thought he was the best, who believed in him and her realization of this made her ache for him, because she understood how that felt and whilst she doubted her father, and Bessie at times, she never doubted that Pacey loved her. She trusted it implicitly and hurt to think he might not trust in her love so easily. She took a breath,

'It's this secret thing I do whenever I get really pissed off or confused or angry or upset or sad. I think of you and I immediately feel good inside. I guess it's kinda like taking a good-mood pill or something. And I swore to myself that I would never tell you that I did this because it is so girly and stupid. And I just told you because I needed to score major points for not explaining what went down tonight. Or where I've been the last week when I haven't been on this boat.'

'Keep going,' he didn't look at her but she felt him breathe out.

'Pacey, you remember that time you took me to see my dad?'

'In sophomore year?' He frowned looking at her for the first time, apparently confused.

'Yeah. When you bribed the guard,' she nodded.

'Where's this going?' he asked because she clearly wasn't forgiven.

'I needed to go there that night because I wanted to ask my dad if he loved me. That must seem crazy...'

'Not so much,' he admitted and she risked resting her hand on the back of his,

'I spent a long time after my mom died and dad was sent away feeling really lonely. Bessie didn't hug me, or say she loved me and so I had you and Dawson. He soothed me verbally and you, you gave me safety and security...you gave me a little peace. Neither of you loved me. I used to feel very lonely. And sad,' she admitted.

'What did your dad say? When you asked?'

'He said...' she laughed a little wryly, 'he said he loves me more than I can ever know and he said that Dawson loved me.'

'Right,' Pacey sighed and looked the other way off the boat.

'Dawson does love me. I don't think he loves me as a girlfriend any more than I love him as more than a friend, but I don't have many people. He's important and so I wanted to see him. To try and be friends. I hurt him deeply and I hate that.'

'Your dad really said that?'

'Yes,' Joey admitted and then blushed. 'Apparently he saw us hug...I mean after the visit...you remember? You held me.'

'I remember,' he said simply.

'When he was released...he asked about you. A lot. He would tease me which was crazy because you were with Andie and I was with Dawson but he knew.'

'That sounds more like it,' he turned back to her and offered her a small smile.

'I have been distracted lately. But not because of Dawson. Because of you. I was stupid and I began mourning the end of our trip before the end of our trip. My head wasn't on the boat. It was on school, on college and yeah on Dawson. I kept wondering how all these things might change us. I am fiercely protective over what I have with you. You're mine Pacey. Wherever my head may go, my heart never leaves you. And it won't.'

'Okay, you got me,' he admitted wrapping and arm around her and kissing her head, 'I do wanna know one thing, though.'

'What's that?'

'I want to know what exactly it was you thought of the 7th time you stalled.'

'That I was never going to drive stick again,' she grinned, loving his laugh as he kissed her,

'How very practical,' he rested his head against her.

'Pace.'

'Hmm?'

'Can we go read our book? I just feel like I need to...I don't know just be with you.'

'Yeah we can,' he smiled and pulled her to her feet. 'Before we go in I need to say something.'

'What?'

'I'm sorry. Some of the things I said I were way out of line. I shouldn't have spoken to you that way or bossed you around. That was the green eyed Pacey talking.'

'I know who you are Pace so I know that.'

'I'm sorry. I want you to know that too. I think my inside and outside crap collided and I got a little crazy.'

'I can relate to that. And I hear that you're sorry.'

'Good.'

'I'm glad we're here tonight. I've hated the thought of not being with you,' she admitted as they headed into the cabin. 'All part of the stress we had going on I guess.'

'I feel ya,' he agreed stripping off for bed. 'You need to do teeth? I did mine earlier.'

'Did them before I came. I was optimistic we'd resolve our argument.'

'Maybe I should just marry you,' he mused softly, watching her undress. 'I would you know. I love you that much.'

'But then you'd be stuck with me forever,' she laughed.

'That's the idea,' he rolled his eyes.

'You're stuck with me regardless. Forget everything inside that makes you doubt that and trust me. I'm in love with you. Wildly, madly, insanely in love.'

'You sure you just wanna read?' he edged closer as she pulled off her bra.

'Tonight I want to read,' she told him firmly taking the tank top and boxers he had selected for her.

'Come on then Potter,' he pulled her to bed and once he was in she fixed herself firmly to his side, her head on his chest and breathed a sigh of relief at the sound of his voice soothing the worries out of her. She hoped her words had sunk in, hoped he believed them, and that she in turn was soothing away his worries.


	30. Chapter 30

**Bonus update. Jet lag works wonders for writing. Let me know if you think the story is losing pace. I have a plan for it, but if you want / need more drama sooner rather than later I can oblige. Do people want me to do season 4 like I did season 3?**

**Thanks guys,**

**Tab:-)**

**Chapter 30**

The return to school had been crazy, but surprisingly nice. The weather was warm, things were gradually improving between Dawson, and her and Pacey. It had still been awkward when they were kissing before class and he'd turned up, and stood waiting as they remained entwined in the doorway to the classroom, but it was really hard to stop kissing Pacey, especially when he was hellbent on using so many different terms of endearment all the time. Then after school, Dawson had accosted her, being all unclear but telling her Pacey had been called in to see his dad, who was apparently the guidance counsellor and that maybe she should check things were ok, but that it could mean trouble. His dad had sought him out to tell him that it wasn't good. In a panic she'd gone to look for him, finding him in the boat of course,

'Dawson seems to think you're in some kind of trouble. I'm not really sure why because he wasn't being clear. I'm not sure why his dad is the new guidance counsellor, or why he thinks he can tell Dawson even if something is going on, but now I'm in a panic...Pacey, talk to me.' She sat down beside him, her heart racing.

'Take a breath Jo,' he teased but his tone wasn't cheerful or happy.

'Are you ok?'

'My grandma died.'

'Oh Pace,' she took his hand.

'It's ok. Really. I mean she raised my dad so let's face it she's not the gem of the jewel box, but she did like me - well more than anyone else in my family. She didn't call my dad on his derogatory comments but she did tell me not to believe it.'

'Was she sick?'

'No...she was ninety six. Sharp as anything with the sass and sarcasm that's a clear Witter trait - I owe it all to her.'

'I'm really sorry Pace.'

'Funnily enough that wasn't why they called me to see Mitch,' he took the hand she proffered and linked their fingers together.

'So why did he want to see you?' she was confused.

'For my grades,' he looked at her surprised face and smiled indulgently, 'Yeah I was surprised too.'

'They told you before we left how well you'd done...'

'Thing is I did even better,' despite his somber mood the small smile that lit the corner of his mouth grew.

'How much better?' she held herself in check.

'With all things included, the finals, the papers...I did really frickin' well. I got A's Jo. Me,' he looked at his hands and shook his head. 'I might not just need to be in the same city as you - I might be able to go to the same college as you.'

'Pacey,' she threw her arms around him, assaulting his lips with her own, her mouth fusing with his in a mind swimming kiss. The kiss was broken by his laughter, a soft, gentle chuckle that sent bolts of desire through her. She loved that sexy laugh of his and she pretty much climbed onto his lap, his arms holding her there. 'You must have done really well.'

'If I continue like that for this year as well, throw in some extra curricular's and I'll be near the top of the class.'

'I told you you're smarter than me,' she pressed kisses to his neck.

'Well I don't know about that,' he scoffed a little.

'I know,' she reiterated.

'I think you still did better than me,' he mused.

'We can compare grades if you want,' she teased, but he coughed a little,

'Actually I have even more news,' he said and at her worried expression kissed her forehead, 'before we get into grade comparison.'

'And the news is?' she prompted.

'Gretch is apparently back for some time. Carry and Jerry are still in out and out warfare which means I'm homeless for the foreseeable future. As much as I love this floating love shack, she just ain't gonna cut it in the winter months...'

'So what?' she knew she must look beyond worried because she wasn't sure what exactly he was telling her.

'You can get that franticly worried expression off your face. I'm moving in with Gretchen. She's looking for places this week, Dougy and his irritating personality quirks are driving her nuts already.'

'A place with your own room and no parents?' she asked.

'Yeah.'

'I'm in love with that idea already. I know Gretchen will be there but she's hardly the parental figure Bessie is. She's only two years older.'

'You're thinking of sex!' he accused with a smile.

'Well ok, yeah I was,' she admitted blushing. 'But I'm also concerned as to how you're planning to afford this place?'

'I have a job,' he grinned broadly and waggled his eyebrows.

'What am I missing here?'

'Well I'm hoping that you enjoyed working and living together all summer?'

'You're working at Leery's?' she smiled.

'Mitch offered me the job when I told him about the homelessness. I'm not sure how Dawson will take it but it's not like he works there, so I'm a waiter come busboy - whatever they need. I'm going to have similar shifts to you - time after school for homework and assignments, and one day on the weekend. I am planning to beseech Mitch's inner romantic and try to wrangle the same day shift as you...'

'You surprise me all the time Pacey,' she stared at him, her heart racing.

'What do you mean? My success surprises you?'

'No. Your personality. Your good nature. Your optimism in the face of it all.'

'Let me tell you Jo, if I'd failed classes I don't think I'd be feeling so optimistic. Gretch and I looked at this beach house today. It's old, and draughty but all I could see was the upside. When things don't go right I can see life in a very half empty kinda way.'

'Why do you bring up failing classes?' she frowned.

'You remember how this started? You, me and a failing math grade? Or even further back - you, me and a snail ménage et trois! All due to another failing grade?'

'But that changed?'

'Joey...I'm gonna be honest here. You wrecked me. In the best possible way, you wrecked me. You see, I fell in love with you knowing that there was never any possibility of being with you, knowing that a sizeable chunk of your heart would always be ... wrapped up in our friend Dawson. And that much was ok with me, right up until the moment that you chose me,' he sighed, 'cause then you just turned everything on its head. I got _everything_ I'd wanted and from that day forward I've just been a wreak.'

'Why?' she didn't know where he was going with this.

'Because I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. I've never done well at anything, Jo. I fail. I'm a loser and a moron to the people supposed to love me. Then you chose me. Last year I'd do just anything to be near you. I wanted to be in constant proximity. I mean I still do. But you, you're motivated and you're smart, and together working felt so easy. I'd always just let it slide before. The outside stuff in my life made school less important, then you became everything important about my outside life and together...I don't feel dumb. I don't feel like a loser, or even a moron.'

'Maybe occasionally an emotional one,' she quirked an eyebrow and he smiled,

'Maybe. The thing is...had you not chosen me. Had we not had proximity, well I wouldn't have worked. None of it would have felt important. I could so easily be the loser flunking high school.'

'And I'd still love you. The details define us honey.'

'I like the feeling of success.'

'Then my boob is at your disposal for the entirety of our senior year,' she said seriously and was rewarded with his deep chuckle.

'And your boob won't accept failure?'

'All my boob wants is for you to be happy, and come the end of senior year to have you along wherever I happen to take it,' she wrinkled her nose at his continued laugh.

'All this talk of your boob - you wanna go makeout?'

'That's romantic,' she laughed as he pulled her to her feet.

'Come on, you're far too cynical for romantic overtures,' he slung an arm around her shoulders and kissed her head.

'Doesn't mean you don't earn points for trying,' she prodded his belly.

'Oh, come on, you love me,' he attempted as they headed into the cabin.

'You bug me,' she corrected.

'Well your boob loves me,' he clarified with an affectionate caress of her chest.

'You love my boobs,' she clarified back pointedly.

'They are wonderful,' he slid his hands down to her waist.

'They're small,' she pouted.

'Perfect,' he pouted back.

'Are you mocking me?' she asked with fake haughtiness.

'Oh absolutely,' he nodded with a grin.

'You'll pay,' she told him formally before pushing him backwards onto the bed and straddling his waist and tickling his sides mercilessly.

'You wanna play the tickling game?' he asked pointedly, flipping them over and pinning her beneath his body. She looked up at him laughing, as his fingers danced across her sides, until they came to rest on either side of her face, his hands cupping her smile, and just like that he was kissing her, heatedly, her body responding faster than lightening to his obvious want and need. He practically tore her clothes from her body and who was she to deny him, to deny herself, what they both wanted. She mewled her approval as he tore her panties from her in his frustration to remove them, his fingers finding the heat between her legs, as she grew increasingly frustrated with her inability to remove his clothes effectively. But then it didn't matter again because somehow she was on top of him, and his aching, naked cock was there between her legs and she was pushing down onto him, her whole body screaming its glee to finally have him inside her once again.

'Oh god I love doing this with you,' she hissed as used her thighs to lift herself up and then slam back onto him, deep, hard strokes that seemed to feed her mood. She wanted him to know his worth and she figured being the unselfish lover for once might do it. Normally she was entirely selfish when it came to time with Pacey. He made it so easy to take what she wanted because he gave it so willingly and seemed to take the utmost pleasure in doing so. He made her feel that everything was good for him and so she always got what she wanted.

'Fuck Jo, you look amazing,' he stared up at her from where he lay and she knew he'd wanted her like this, upright and confident on top of him. Oh, she'd been on top a million times but always lying, or tilted, never sitting on him, her breasts jiggling with each movement. She knew her legs would kill her in the morning, and that because he was big and the position was deep she may ache, but she didn't care because the look on his face was worth it, so she lifted up and pushed down, his hands finding her hips and moving her just so, so that the air was filled with his groans. 'I want to come with you like that, can I?' he rasped as his hands helped her move faster and harder,

'Yes,' she moaned as his hand found her clit, because no matter what, it wasn't in Pacey to be selfish. Her moan seemed to be what he needed, and he pushed her harder and faster until she was slamming her body onto his and his thumb was sending her own body spiralling toward oblivion, until all at once she came undone as he slammed up into her and came himself, his body shaking as he sunk back to the mattress pulling her with him, his hands in her hair as he kissed her.

'God baby,' he kissed her again.

'My legs are all wobbly,' she gasped, sliding them straight so she was lying flat on him, her ear to his chest, and their bodies still connected. His arms wrapped around her and she sighed in contentment at the feeling.

'You looked so hot like that,' he whispered. 'I love your face when you come. I love how your eyes squeeze shut, and your mouth makes this 'oh' shape. You look so beautiful and sexy, and I can't quite believe you're mine.'

'One hundred percent,' she leaned up slightly to look at him. 'My heart's all yours.'

'Even that large chunk we discussed earlier?' he looked cautiously optimistic.

'Even that large chunk.'

'You mean the whole thing is mine?'

'Left ventricle, right ventricle, right atrium and left atrium. Even the pulmonary artery and vein, the aorta, the valves and the vena cava's.'

'Trust you to weave school work into romantic declarations,' he grinned.

'Just making a point,' she grinned back.

'You wanna sleep here tonight?'

'Every night.'

'Good.'

'Um Pace?' she spoke into the quiet, their breathing and the gentle lap of the water, the boat sounds all so familiar that she didn't hear them any longer.

'What's up?'

'You have my whole heart. What about you? You're always so fixated on Dawson even though we were never what you and Andie were. Or even you and Tamara.'

'Look at me,' he shuffled her off of him and up the bed a little so they could lie face to face in the pillows. 'You are the single most important person to me. Doug knows how I feel. Gretchen, she knows you're something extremely special to me. You have to know how I feel about you. I'm not just in love with you. I'm forever in love with you.'

They stared at one another for a long while, the moonlight giving enough illumination to see the slope of each others faces, and the shine of their eyes.

'Good,' she said at length and shifted forward into his arms.


	31. Chapter 31

**Ok, so here is Chapter 31. Thank you all so, so, much for the reviews and support. This is a cannon chapter but definitely AU. Enjoy. I am writing when I can but visiting family and friends leaves little time to write. I'm still trying to work out a plan for this if I deviate from canon. Sorry...still jet lagged. Hopefully the chapter makes more sense than my m****essage:-)**

**Thank you again and please keep reviewing - the reviews make me so happy!**

**Tab:-)**

**Chapter 31**

**The Storm**

'Hey frauline,' Pacey dropped his arm along Joey's shoulders, 'you fancy a little rendezvous in the boiler room sans clothing and with a little me?'

'What's got you so chipper that you're mixing three languages in one sentence?'

'Got myself an A,' he grinned easily. 'An awesome A.'

'Pacey done good,' Jen appeared out of nowhere, '97% says he deserves the boiler room.'

'Jen,' Joey scolded. 'Well done Pace,' she added softly.

'Couldn't have done it without you, my wonderful study aide,' he said the words to her but his eyes dropped surreptitiously to her chest. She thwacked him with the back of her hand. 'If you won't concede to the boiler room, how about the last sail of the season after school?'

'Hmm, that I can do,' she suddenly didn't think the boiler room was a bad idea either, not with the way Pacey was looking at her - like she was something delicious to eat and the most beautiful girl he'd ever seen - a tall order for one look. 'I nearly got roped into this stupid debate with Dawson and this new guy Drue about Two Gentlemen of Verona, but I let them argue it out. Dawson knows how I feel about the best friend without me rubbing salt in the wound.'

'That made no sense,' Jen laughed.

'She's seeing an allegory in Two Gentleman of Verona and linking the motives and themes to our very own Capesidian love triangle. On the surface, you know, the girl comes between the cardboard cut out hero and Proteus, the best friend who is unfairly painted as the villain. On the surface it looks like it is a simple love story but I bet our friend Dawson would argue it's a story of male friendship and the depths of betrayal.'

'Something like that,' Joey looked at him with wide eyes,

'Where as the lousy best friend aka me, would argue that Valentine the hero is obsessed with his own honour and the play is much more about examining our obsession with self...or something along those lines, besides which Proteus realizes his true love is the girl he's always loved...not the other one. Really Jo, it's a poor allegory, and lacks even basic similarity to our affair. For one, you are both the girl I've loved forever and the girl my best friend see's as his, and two I'd never try to rape you as Proteus does to claim the girl. I really take offence that I'm Proteus in this little case study, though I'd rather not be Valentine...'

'Wow, Pace...' Jen looked at Joey with arched brows, clearly impressed with him.

'He's always had the same brain, he's just chosen to use it more lately,' she slipped her arm around him and looked up at him with goo eyes.

'It's attractive Pace. No escaping the fact that we like smart guys,' Jen stared at him some more.

'To be honest I didn't like either character and I didn't like the play,' Pacey said easily, 'but Potter is a strict girl and if we start we finish,' he looked at her pointedly as the flush danced across her cheeks.

'Who are you?' Jen stared at him and he grinned impishly,

'Every book Joey packed for the summer was on the reading list and we discussed them all in detail. The two gentlemen of Verona held particular interest.'

'Oh I'll bet it did,' Jen smiled widely.

'And though this is personal to say, you do love the fact that we had sex and Dawson knows, that you...if we want to be animalistic about it, claimed me.'

'I didn't claim you Jo,' Pacey was caught between offence and embarrassment at the nugget of truth in her statement.

'You didn't. I know,' she looked at him, 'but every time someone knows you feel a little knot of pleasure in your belly, because they know I'm yours. Entirely. I feel it about you. Else why would cheating be so abhorrent?'

'Good point,' he nodded.

'See you guys,' Jen laughed, slamming her locker and heading off.

'You can claim me right now,' she said softly in his ear.

'You've reconsidered the boiler room?' it was hard for him to hide his surprise and evident delight.

'Hmm, yeah,' she nodded easily and he took her hand, and together they hurried down the hall, to the door that led to a staircase down to the infamous boiler room.

It was much smaller than she had imagined, and almost entirely perfect for clandestine affairs. Not that she had much time to think about it given Pacey's apparently amorous state, high on his academic high. He shut the door behind them and pressed her against it, his heated kisses mixing with the heat of the room against her skin, until she was as heady with the whole entire notion of him and her and of being together. He was hard against her but she couldn't really recall a time when they were together, kissing, and he wasn't hard against her. His fingers were threaded through her fingers and the backs of her hands were pressed against the door in his desire to get closer to her and apparently to dominate. Given Pacey's utterly wonderful personality she didn't mind being dominated in the slightest and even moaned her approval as he refused to relinquish control of the kiss or her hands. His kisses were passionate, hard against her mouth, but everything about the kiss seemed to spark at her nerve endings, to beat a pulse between her legs until she was writhing against him, desperate for friction, desperate for him inside of her, and utterly desperate for her hands so she could get what she wanted.

'Please,' she begged as he pressed a warm open mouthed kiss to her boob, nipping lightly at her through her clothing.

'What d'you want?' he rubbed against her and she fought his hands again as she arched towards him.

'You inside me,' she hissed and almost cried with relief when his hands released hers, but he quickly caught them both in his right hand and his other hand trailed down her body, touching the side of her boob before dropping to curl around her ass, then back up, only this time his thumb brushed roughly over her nipple. It felt like her body was on fire, as she arched into him, moving to achieve more contact. 'Pacey,' she hissed his name, but he just gave her a wicked smile and squeezed her boob gently, brushing his thumb across her nipple one last time before grasping at her rib cage, his thumb brushing gently against her ribs and stomach which was not where she wanted it. She tried to find his lips but he resisted, his own trailing at an achingly slow pace down her neck and across her collarbone.

'Pacey,' she couldn't believe how much his name now sounded like a lament, like everything she desired in one word.

'Hmm?' he quirked an eyebrow above his black eyes.

'Fuck me,' she begged, shocked at her own crassness.

'Ask nicely,' he continued to kiss her neck.

'Fuck me, please,' she didn't ask nicely because she was too desperate, which both embarrassed and excited her. 'Please,' she repeated with a snarl. Within in a second he'd released her hands, not that she had time to do anything with them because he was kissing her hard and hoisting her around his waist and carrying her to a storage cabinet. He perched her on it and reached his hands under her skirt, peeling off her panties and tossing them across the room without a care as he shoved his shorts and boxers down and then he was hot and hard between her legs, tugging her ass to the edge of the cabinet and brushing his fingers to make sure she was wet enough, not that there was any risk of that not being the case. She felt almost delirious with how much she wanted his cock inside of her, that action the sole focus of her brain power. Satisfied, he was then pushing into her with one officious move of his hips and she cried out in relief, the word 'yes' ridiculously coming from her, emblematic of how much she'd wanted it. She tightened her legs around him, her feet on his bare ass allowing her to control his movements, to keep them fast and deep, and oh so blissfully close. The build up to her orgasm came almost instantly, and with each movement into her she felt herself build closer and closer, his noises of affirmation just serving to intensify her own enjoyment, until he tugged at her hips, pulling her ass to the very edge of the cabinet, so she was barely supported at all, but allowing for much more perfect friction against her clit. As he began to lose control, his mouth finding the pulse point at the base of her neck and kissing her there, she felt her whole body focus in on that one point where they were so closely connected for almost a minute before her orgasm rolled through her body, the waves of almost electric pleasure pulsating outwards, to the very tips of her fingers, the sensation heightened by the feeling of him coming inside of her, his teeth nipping at the skin of her neck.

'You don't like claiming me, huh? Not even a little bit?' she teased lightly into his ear, his body still leaning on her, still inside her, as he caught his breath.

'Every second of my life that I spend with you, I mean just together, is a perfect moment. And I fucking love every moment that we're intimately entwined,' she tugged his face from her neck and looked at him, 'and yeah, I love claiming you as mine,' he admitted sheepishly, 'partly, though not wholly, because it feels like you're claiming me as yours.'

'I am. You're mine mister and you better never forget it,' she kissed his lips. 'We need to get to class.'

'We do,' Pacey, the new academic, agreed.

'You flung my underwear,' she mused as he moved form inside of her and pulled up his boxers and shorts.

'Yeah, sorry,' he looked around the dim room.

'Where?' she asked and he shrugged looking a little guilty.

'As far away from your body as possible?' he offered gamely.

'Well I need them,' she began to feel a bit panicked.

'You've gone without before,' he said brightly.

'Not after we've had sex Pace,' she began to look around the room with her eyes, not moving.

'Huh?' his amorous hands and mind clearly weren't interested in finding her underwear, merely enjoying the length of her legs, the curve of her neck, the wanton position in which she was currently held.

'You came Pace,' she flushed.

'Hmm, yeah,' he stepped back up even closer to her.

'Not in a condom. In me...and what goes up...'

'Must come down,' he finished with an apologetic half grimace, half smile on his face.

'Yes. Now you know my problem,' she looked at him expectantly.

'You want to wear my boxers?' he offered, leaving her to hunt with greater enthusiasm for the missing underwear.

'To loose,' she shook her head, her legs crossed.

'I'm sorry,' he held up his empty hands. 'I'm really sorry.'

'Sorry is not a solution,' she stated begin to get frantic. 'I have to go to class, you have to go to class and I am not walking down the hallway with your come dripping down my leg.'

'You can use my boxers to...you know...clean up?' he looked so guilty that she acquiesced.

'Ok. But you have to put them back on. No one can discover this...I don't want anyone finding your come covered boxers.'

'Sure, sure,' he chuckled, stripping off and handing them to her.

'Don't watch,' she chided and with a big grin he turned as she cleaned up.

'All done?'

'I better be,' she pouted, handing him back his underwear which he put back on despite what was on it.

'What about your panties?'

'Well it should be ok. It's not like they have my name on them?' she gave a little shrug and he laughed, pulling her into his arms.

'Who'd have thunk it? Joey Potter meeting me in the boiler room for clandestine nookie,' he pressed a soft kiss to her lips. 'I don't think I quite believe it.'

'I'm pretty sure you'll feel the evidence for the whole of history,' she pointed out, 'which we'll miss if this quickie becomes a longie...'

'A longie? Seriously Jo? Worst new sex word ever...'

'Is not,' she groused as they headed up the stairs, Pacey poking his head out of the door and looking left and then right before pulling her into the corridor with him. He began to walk in the direction of History but she tugged him the other way,

'English is that way?'

'My locker and gym shorts are this way,' she explained.

'I love it when you don't wear underwear,' he complained.

'You'd love it less if someone else saw what my underwear hides.'

'Point taken, gym shorts here we come...'

* * *

'You said we could go sailing,' Pacey pouted.

'I was late to class. You abandoned me at the girls restroom and I got landed with some ridiculous assignment that is due tomorrow.'

'I'm sorry,' he pouted with a frown,

'I'll come with ya Pace,' Jen smiled easily and Joey smiled at her friend,

'See all good,' she said but Pacey still frowned a little his lips finding her neck,

'Ok, but I'll miss you,' he found her lips and pressed a quick kiss to them.

'I'll see you later,' she pointed out.

'And you'll ask Bessie if I can stay over?'

'I'll ask, but she'll say no...' Joey rolled her eyes.

'You're so optimistic,' Jen teased sarcastically.

'If she says no you'll stay at mine?' he caught her hands with his.

'Sure,' she laughed. 'Now go have fun, be safe, enjoy the gorgeous evening.'

'Two things,' Jen clarified, 'I refuse to make out with you and there's a distinct possibility I might puke...'

'What d'ya know? Those are my two things!' Joey quipped with an evil little grin at Pacey.

* * *

The storm came out of nowhere and Joey thought it might just be the worst few hours of her life, knowing that Pacey and Jen were out there, probably fighting to keep the boat upright. She was beyond worried, beyond caring what anyone might think - she needed Pacey, needed him to be ok more than anything, even Jen - her best friend. Desperation had her seeking help from Jack, Andie, then Dawson and Drue, the new irritating student. No one believed her, no one with any power to help, but at length Dawson, then Drue formed a plan, and together they "borrowed" a motor boat and she, Jack and Dawson headed together to some cove Dawson knew, just _knew_, Pacey would be sheltering in.

They found Pacey and Jen, and she could see the distress in his face that she knew reflected her own, so after Jen jumped into their boat, she jumped to Pacey, to him and his boat.

'What are you doing?' he'd yelled, and she'd told him that together they could navigate the boat to the beach area, that maybe if they grounded it they might save it. There would be damage but they wouldn't have to leave the boat to drift and be lost. 'You have to be safe,' he'd all but screamed, panic now etched on his features.

'And so do you,' she'd managed to scream back.

'I can't leave the boat,' he'd been desperate, 'all the good things in my life have happened on this boat. Everything good in my life, happened _because_ of this boat.'

'And I can't leave you,' she'd insisted, despite the frantic screams of her friends. 'Now stop for a second and think. Think carefully about how we best get the boat further into the cove and onto the beach. We can then climb the path and meet the others back at the yacht club.'

'Ok,' he closed his eyes for several seconds as the boat pitched about in the surf. 'Ok got it...' he said and Joey held a hand up and then turned to the others who continued to shout.

'Go,' she yelled to them.

'No Joey, no,' Jen was practically hyperventilating.

'Yes. We know what we're doing. We've done it before. We're going to ground the boat on the beach. We'll meet you back at the yacht club. I promise we'll be fine.'

'This is stupid Joey. If Pacey wants to stay he can stay...' Dawson shouted.

'We both stay,' she yelled, now completely drenched by the rain.

'You both come,' Dawson insisted. 'It's too dangerous and I can't leave either of you to drown...'

'We'll be ok. Together, we'll be ok,' she insisted. 'Now go. We need to do this,' then she turned her attention back to Pacey, back to his plan, her trust entirely in him.

* * *

'You saved my boat,' he lay on the beach panting, his hand grasping hers tightly as she lay half curled up into him, needing the rest despite the relentless rain and wind.

'We saved _our_ boat. All my best memories are on that boat too,' she informed him.

'The keel and the rudder are shot and there's some damage to the base but she'll be ok.'

'I knew we could do it. I know it would have been more sensible to leave her, but we know what we're doing on this boat when we're together.'

'We do,' he agreed swiping a wet lock of her hair off of her face. 'You look beautiful,' he told her honesty dripping from each word, honesty and awe.

'If you're into the drowned rat look,' she rolled her eyes.

'I love you. Thank you. I hate that you put yourself in danger for me.'

'You have got to remember Pacey, when it comes to life and death situations you're thinking for two these days. If you're in trouble I need to either drag you from it, or join you in it. That's the only way I can survive it.'

'I hear you,' he smiled, that smile that said he couldn't quite believe his luck - she loved that smile, it reassured her. She pressed her face against his soggy chest. 'Joey,' he said at length, 'I miss Dawson.'

'I know you do,' she murmured into him, 'I miss him too.'

'Jacks my buddy, he's a best friend as much as Dawson, but he isn't Dawson. As much as Dawson has crossed lines, has driven me crazy, tried to drive us apart - there's a reason we were friends.'

'If anyone will understand how you're feeling it's me.'

'I always get it mixed up in my head...your friendship with him with how you used to feel about him.'

'We're making progress,' she mused with a smile, 'you said how I _used_ to feel about him.'

'I guess that is progress,' he admitted. 'And I'm sorry I blur it up sometimes. I get insanely jealous. I'm talking can't see straight jealous and it's unfair because you haven't given me any reason to feel that way. I just get scared that you'll wake up one day and realize that whilst you love me, you love him more. I get scared I'll lose you, and I love you more than anything.'

'Don't you get it by now? I thought I was in love with him, but I wasn't. I woke up one day and realized that it was you I loved. That it was you I was in love with, you who I needed, you who I wanted, and you who made me feel alive. That's why Dawson has been so awful.'

'I'd never seen it that way,' Pacey admitted and pulled her close for a deep kiss. 'I need to get you warm and dry,' he said.

'Hmm, you do,' she nodded.

'Thank you for pointing that out by the way. I think I'll try a little harder with Dawson. I've not been trying as hard as I could. His name calling of you was beyond wrong and I haven't ever really considered things from his view point like that...'

'Come on then Pace,' she pulled her hood around her. 'I'm cold now.'

* * *

'Your beach house,' Joey stared at the building in wonder.

'Hell it's nearer than the yacht club. We'll call them from here. They can come over if they want to be sure we're safe, but you're getting in a hot bath, preferably with me.'

'Yes,' she shivered, her teeth chattering.

Together they clamoured across the beach and onto the deck, Pacey looking under the plant pot for the spare key, since Gretchen didn't answer when he knocked. Opening the door he scooped Joey into a half carry and got her inside. He stood her in the living area and despite how wet they were he carefully helped her remove her wet clothes right there before wrapping her in a blanket and sitting her on the couch.

'Kinda reminds me of our snail collecting expedition,' she smiled sleepily.

'I peeked then and I peeked now,' he smiled as he stripped off his clothes.

'You peeked?' she chided.

'I kissed you that night, remember? We had fun and when you stripped off you were gorgeous. Yeah I peeked.'

'I'm glad you peeked.'

'Me too,' he wrapped a blanket around himself. 'You sit there whilst I turn on the bath and call the others.

'Ok,' she nodded, resting her eyes for just a second.

* * *

Joey opened her eyes unsure of where she was. Pacey's strong arm was wrapped tightly around her, and after a few moments she recalled the storm, the rescue, the boat and the wind and rain. She remembered sitting on the couch but nothing more. She wasn't on the couch but in Pacey's sparsely furnished room, the mattress from True Love on the floor, a lamp, a homemade desk made of bricks and a slab of chipboard, and piles of books. She loved it, and loved how bits of Pacey's personality had begun to creep in - the CD player, and pile of cd's, the stack of comics, the lights from True Love strung around the window. A chair laden with clothes more dirty than clean, and a chest of drawers he'd stolen from his parents, in which he'd put her stuff and his. Despite the storm of the night before, sun was streaming in through the curtainless windows. She vowed to herself to find him something to cover the windows.

'Pace,' she turned in his arms, pushing her face up against his neck and kissing him, before reaching across his body for a couple of mints. She wanted to kiss him, especially when he was lying there so innocent in sleep, grubby from the storm, and hers, entirely hers. She popped the mint in her mouth and kissed him, tugging the blanket from around herself and finding him sleepy, naked and hard. She rolled on top of him, rubbing herself against him as she languidly kissed him, her hands finding his and pressing them into the mattress beside his head, the kiss never faltering even as he awoke, even as she shifted her body higher and then pushed back down so he slid inside of her, his soft moan the most beautiful sound first thing in the morning. She didn't feel like hard sex, she didn't feel frenzied, or desperate, she felt like being close, she wanted to feel every movement and so she rocked onto him in deep slow movements, her body responding quickly to the closeness until her breathing was ragged, and each movement drove her closer and closer to the edge, his heavy breathing urging her to hang on, until he groaned loudly, raggedly, and his hips thrust up against her, and he fought her hands, freeing his own to tangle in her hair, then run down her spine and to her butt, to help her make the last exquisite movement necessary to crash into her own hedonistic undoing.

'Morning,' he grinned at her, as she finally released his mouth.

'What happened last night? I don't remember going to bed.'

'I called the others. They all insisted on coming over, but you...you stayed passed out on the couch through it all. They didn't stay long. Long enough for me to apologize to Dawson - you know...just for the fact that my happiness was detrimental to his own. Jen fussed over you, but you just slept on. I carried you through here and you didn't murmur. Needless to say the bath went unused. They left and I climbed in beside you.'

'So let's have a bath now,' she said with a lazy insinuating smile.

'Ok, my amorous little minx,' his smile was bright and infectious, 'but we do have school.'

'We need to check the boat.'

'I called Dougy and he'll check on it. He promised.'

'So how long before school?' she asked.

'An hour?' he said after looking at his alarm clock.

'We need to get clean Pace. You have sand on your face, and seaweed in your hair.'

'You think I'm trying to put off kinky time in the bathroom?' he laughed loudly, 'oh my poor deluded girl...whether we're late for school or not, we're heading into that bathroom right now...'

'Hmm, good,' she smiled brightly.

**Ok, I'm so, so tired my eyes keep droppings shut but you guys have been so awesome about reviewing I do want to post. I hope this is good - any glaring errors message me. I'll try and proof it again! Thanks all Tabx**


	32. Chapter 32

**Thanks so much for the reviews - every single review gives me joy, and gives my fingers and brain some sort of super power lol! I'm fine writing on vacation - turns out my family spend every evening watching tv, so I sit with them and write...**

**So enjoy this part. I'm using canon to direct me a little but deviating whenever I want...I hope everyone likes this! I may deviate off canon quite a bit, but it'll generally dictate things a little...**

**Please review (imagine Puss in Boots and his pleading eyes) thanks guys, Tab:-) **

**Chapter 32**

'Why is it _1984_ was so much more interesting and fun when we were on the boat?' Pacey whined.

'I'm not reminding you of why, not here, not with my sister just the other side of that door,' Joey pointed out sternly.

'We were _naked_,' he mused proudly, and looking at her over the top of his book.

'Hmm, yeah,' she whispered back.

'I'm bored Joey...' He stood up and began to fiddle with her stuff, trying on a wooly hat and sniffing her perfumes.

'Look at these then,' she handed him some college pamphlets, 'give you some motivation.'

'Woah, college pamphlets? That's a little overwhelming,' he tossed them back on the desk.

'Pacey, the school under achiever is no more, you need to look...' she threw them back against his chest with a grin.

'Just tell me where you're going and it's a done deal for me...' he rather awkwardly shifted himself between the back of her desk chair and her, pulling her onto his lap. 'Let's face it, I won't do well in college without my favourite study aid,' he squeezed her boob pointedly and placed warm kisses down her neck.

'Well I'm looking at those places and you should to.'

'I still don't know what I want to do. If that college advisor suggests law enforcement tomorrow, I might have to leave...'

'Oh he'll suggest law enforcement,' Joey grinned, 'I'm almost sure of it.'

'Cheeky,' Pacey tickled her sides. 'Come on, we're done. We've finished the assignment, discussed and debated, and even decided that we're both applying to all the colleges you like...come and make out,' he encouraged, his hands wrapping around her,

'We have work in half an hour,' she laughed.

'Fifteen minutes entwined with me, fifteen minutes to get there,' he suggested brightly. 'We're both dressed for work, it's all good.'

'Ok Pacey,' she rolled her eyes dramatically.

'That's my girl,' he stood up, placing her on her feet in the process, before catapulting himself onto her bed and opening his arms wide. She laughed because he was quite honestly ridiculous.

'Stop wasting time laughing Potter, and get your cute behind over here,' he gestured for her, and so giggling she fell onto the bed, and into his arms, loving the way his mouth descended onto hers, with warm, enticing kisses that wiped all other priorities from her radar. She couldn't say how long they kissed for, but it was probably longer than they technically had, his body nestled up close to hers, her legs wrapped around his thighs holding him in place, and just kissing, mouth on mouth, his tongue tangling with hers in a perfect expression of love.

'Can I just undo this?' he murmured fingering the buttons of her shirt, his lips unwilling to part from hers.

'Oh god, Pace, the time. We have work,' she pecked his lips one last time and rolled from under him as much as his heavy body would allow.

'I hate work,' he pouted. She gave him an indulgent look,

'We can't just exist, you know living together and making out.'

'Well no...I mean we could have sex too,' he offered with a tug in her hand, that brought her to a sitting position on the bed. He pulled her down and covered her body with his again, 'I love kissing you, I love making love, I love fucking.'

'What about talking Pace?' she smirked and he laughed,

'Yeah, your personality doesn't hurt,' he kissed her.

'Work,' she moaned into the kiss, because he was apparently determined to kiss her senseless.

'I know work,' he agreed, but continued to kiss her.

The banging on the door made them both jump,

'I'm coming in so you better be decent,' Bessie yelled before opening the door, and taking in her sister and _the boy_, lying intimately on the bed.

'At least we're fully clothed?' Pacey offered optimistically.

'You guys will be late,' she pursed her lips, hiding her smile, 'take the truck and go.'

'Ok, thanks Bess,' Joey mused sheepishly as Pacey climbed off of her, and held out a hand.

'No funny business in the house,' she reminded them.

'I think we need to clarify _funny business _Bessie_,_' Pacey charmed as Joey fixed her make out mussed hair.

'You clarify nothing smart guy,' Bessie reminded him.

'Ok, ok...but surely a little kissing never hurt anyone?'

'Kissing is ok,' Bessie conceded, 'anything that involves the removal of clothes is not.'

'Hmm, I can work with that,' Pacey smirked knowingly as Joey grabbed his hand and dragged him to the door.

'Why don't I like the sound of that,' Bessie frowned, but the door shut in her face.

* * *

'Ugh law enforcement,' Pacey moaned for the second time.

'Oh forget it Pace,' Jen muttered, 'I got mediocre mediocre...aim for the middle guy college Ms Lindly.'

'Nothing wrong with the middle guy college,' Pacey shrugged,

'I'll deign to not accept that from the guy who climbed up from his position circling the drain...to, what did they say your class ranking was Pace?'

'Fourth,' he smiled widely, as Joey flopped dejectedly down at the table with her lunch. 'What's up pussycat?' he asked finding her hand.

'It's silly and pathetic and I just...ugh,' she flopped her head onto her arms.

'You can tell us,' Jen encouraged.

'Expand on ugh, hun,' Pacey said with a kiss to her hair.

'It's just well...I thought that if I worked hard at school all these doors...they'd open up for me. Maybe I was just being naive to think that I could do it...I just...'

'I don't understand?' Pacey looked at her blankly, 'you're amazing, you're clever and hardworking and talented...everyone is gonna want you...'

'But it got me fifth...' she admitted, 'my class ranking is fifth and I'm going to be going up against number one, two, three and four at every big college, and not just from Capeside but from every high school. My extra curricular's suck. The lack of parents has apparently left me sorely lacking in anything to add to my academic record because I've had to work my ass off just to eat. Just ugh.'

'But fifth is amazing,' Jen said, making brief widened, warning eyes at Pacey, who looked like a terrified statue.

'They told me I needed to accept it might not happen. I might not get Ivy League, especially not with all my financial requirements. The only thing working in my favour is the colleges are looking to diversify...apparently that's me. A lone individual from a family where no one has gone anywhere but prison.'

'Joey, you have one of the brightest futures on the planet, hun - any of those Ivy League places would be lucky to have you,' Pacey told her.

'Yeah, don't aim low. Aim high, because you deserve what you want,' Jen promised.

'I think I just want to stay in high school,' she moped. 'How did you guys get on?' she looked between them.

'I'm a mediocre gal apparently,' Jen shrugged. 'And the good news is I can be mediocre at a lot of different places.'

'Well I don't think you're mediocre in any way,' Joey frowned, 'I think you're great. But if you choose to be mediocre, I hope it's near wherever we are. Personally I think you're spectacular and you'll be spectacular no matter where you are.'

'Thanks,' Jen nodded with a wry smile.

'And you?' she turned to her boyfriend.

'I...um well they said law enforcement was good and with my pen-chance for arguing they thought maybe law?'

'Oh I can see that,' she laughed, 'you arguing it out, all eloquently, making the case for the underdog,' she gave him such a warm look Jen was convinced she could hear him quaking in fear. 'If they're suggesting law you're doing well enough for Ivy League applications. I'm so pleased for you,' she kissed him. 'What was your ranking? Did they say?'

'Um, yeah,' he wrinkled his nose looking terrified.

'Not good?' she frowned in confusion. 'But with your grades, and them suggesting law...oh,' she looked at the table, shocked by the sting of tears. 'What was it?' she tried to ask without her voice cracking.

'Fourth,' he admitted, 'now please don't go all crazy over that fact Jo, I know how you can be...'

'How can I be?' she looked at him, cursing the liquid filling her eyes.

'Aw goddammit please don't cry,' his voice was pained, 'I hate you crying and you've got no reason to...you you're the better candidate all round...'

'I'm not,' she shook her head, 'you're smarter, you have a ton of extra curricular's you didn't even mean to acquire and you're you...I don't think you have any idea quite how much everyone likes you...you charm everyone, and me? I'm defensive and awkward and fifth, with no extra curricular's...and it's ok, I'm ok, you deserve it. You do. You wouldn't be fourth if you didn't deserve it...' she stood up from the table abruptly, abandoning her lunch and leaving not only the lunchroom but the school.

'That did not go well,' Pacey mused.

'Nope,' Jen popped the p.

* * *

'Hey Jo,' Jen dropped down beside her. She'd taken the B&amp;B and Pacey the boat.

'You found me,' Joey muttered.

'You're fairly predictable,' Jen teased, 'well except for when you went for Pacey and not Dawson, oh and the boating all summer long...'

'Was my complete meltdown predictable?'

'Understandable,' Jen said kindly.

'I'm proud of him,' Joey said and sniffed.

'I know you are.'

'It's just all these places I wanted to apply - they're looking for number four, and if they're willing to consider number five, well number five is a concert violinist, or a winner of the Westingate science prize, or they're legacies like Andie. Or they're like Pacey - loveable, affable underdogs.'

'You're a loveable, affable underdog,' Jen consoled.

'At best I'm scrappy and vaguely appealing in my awkward naivety. Everyone is going to want him and no one will want me and I have to stay with him.'

'It wouldn't be the worst thing in the world if you went to different colleges Jo,' Jen attempted.

'Jen, I hate being away from him, I hate it. Even now I want him. And he's useless without me. You know how he does so well? His dirty little secret?'

'I think I'm about to find out?'

'Sex. He studies with his hand on my boob. _My boob_. He goes to a different college and before you know it he's using someone else's boob, and probably their everything else. And I know it'll only be to do well in class, but it'll be the end because I can't share him. He's mine.'

'That's why you're not so big on study parties,' Jen mused with realization.

'That's why we have sex after study parties, or make out, or whatever...'

'Hmm, it's a big problem.'

'Can we throw you a birthday party tonight? Please? It's Friday night,' Joey pouted.

'It's not my birthday,' Jen laughed.

'Then let's throw you an un-birthday party.'

'Sure. I'm pretty sure we can use my place. Grams is away in New York visiting my mom, and if you promise to help clean up tomorrow I'm happy.'

'Good. And I promise.'

'And you do the guest list,' Jen added.

'Can you get Drue to do the guest list?' Joey asked and then smiled wickedly, '_Jenny_?'

'Gawd, if I must,' Jen rolled her eyes. 'Though half the school will be there and you'll have one hell of a job cleaning up.'

'Right now I don't care.'

'Then party on,' Jen nudged joeys shoulder. 'Now back to school with you.'

'Ok, ok,' Joey mumbled.

* * *

'Hey,' his voice was low and intimate as he caught her hand.

'Hey,' she had avoided him until now, the end of the day.

'Are you...mad?'

'Mad that you're smarter than me? No,' she shook her head.

'I'm not smarter than you,' he scoffed.

'Our class ranking says you are,' she pointed out a little tightly.

'The class rankings are stupid.'

'They matter to colleges,' she couldn't look at him.

'So do SAT scores,' he halted their movement and moved her into a corner, her back against the wall so she had to stare at his chest to avoid his eyes.

'I don't think I can cope with knowing your SAT score.'

'Joey, look at me,' he begged until she raised stoic eyes to meet his, 'I'm sorry.'

'Sorry you're smarter than me?' she wrinkled her nose, 'I'm not upset that you're smarter than me. I'm really not. I've always said you're smarter than I am. I know you are.'

'Class ranking isn't about who's smartest...' he began,

'You wouldn't be saying that if I was fourth,' she pointed out tightly.

'So why are you upset?'

'I'm not upset.'

'You are. And I don't get why, I mean honestly, you're fifth. Stop worrying,' he attempted but she just frowned,

'Stop worrying?'

'This isn't a problem.'

'Right,' she said tightly.

'Don't overreact Jo.'

'You know what? It doesn't matter. I want to go home, have a shower and go to Jen's un-birthday. I will see you there,' she pressed a kiss to his cheek and side stepped around him.

'You know, just when the conversation starts to get emotionally complex, you want to bail? Who's the guy in this relationship?'

'You are,' she looked at him over her shoulder, 'and as the guy you have a choice. We can stay here and you can prove how emotionally insensitive you are, or you can go home, shower and meet me at Jen's unbirthday party.'

'Right,' he began, looking and feeling defensive, but just nodded, 'right, I'll see you there I guess.'

'See you there,' she nodded.

* * *

'Hey Jo,' Pacey approached her a little cautiously.

'Hey Witter, knew you couldn't resist a party! I see you brought the prim reaper,' Drue grinned.

'I came up with the whole damn party idea actually,' Joey informed him through narrowed eyes, 'but I'm glad your here, a chance to save your immortal soul. That's if you have one!'

'You organized this?' Drue looked sceptical.

'I came up with the idea and suggested to Jen she put you in charge. Now quit with the chit chat and pour me a drink.'

'Done,' Drue gave her a once over and Pacey shot a glare at him.

'Watch it,' he muttered, watching as Joey downed her drink and held out her cup for another.

'You might wanna go slow there Jo, it's a proven fact that you, madam, cannot hold your alcohol,' Pacey warned as he took his drink watching Joey down another and hold out her cup for her third refill.

'So what,' she turned to him derisively, 'you can drink at parties and I can't?'

'Yes, because I'm a guy, and if I'm going to get in trouble for being a guy, I think I should at least get to act like one every once and a while,' she turned hardened eyes on him, 'I mean with your prior approval and permission of course, of course I would t do it without, you know, asking first,' he stumbled onward.

'That's fine,' she said at length with a shrug.

'That's fine?'

'Yeah, we'll both be guys tonight,' she refilled her drink as he watched and headed into the crowd.

* * *

'Strip poker?' Joey couldn't believe him, 'I leave you alone, for like two seconds, and you end up playing strip poker?' she slapped him lightly on the back.

'Originally this was just poker, until I started beating his ass,' he gestured to Drue who was apparently enjoying the interaction, 'then he changes the stakes on me, but I'm uh finished now, and we can um just go,' he looked at her pleadingly because drunk Joey was an unpredictable beast.

'Why leave?' she slurred with her hand in her hip, every bit the goddess he loved, 'there's a half-naked chick in the room.'

'It's just a game and up until now no one has taken anything off but their socks...'

'In my experience it's always more than socks that come off,' she looked at Pacey pointedly and was inwardly thrilled by the red staining his cheeks. 'But this, this is all just good clean fun, right?'

'Yeah right, just good, clean, American guy fun,' he coughed, faltering under her saccharine gaze,

'Mmm,' she pulled up a chair and sat down, 'deal me in.'

'Excuse me?' Pacey nearly spit up his drink.

'You heard me! Now what does a girl have to take off to play this game?' she trilled.

'Ok, that's it, we're done,' Pacey stood abruptly, clapping his hands, 'it's time for us to leave 'cause you're drunk, you're bordering on disorderly, and you are definitely insane. So get up. Let's go. Are you finished? Great, come on then,' he rushed the words because he had played strip poker with Joey, and that was his prerogative and no one else's.

'You want me to stand up?' she cast him a scathing look.

'Yes, I'd like for you to stand up now,' he nodded.

'And why would I do that?' she laughed.

'Because, you're forcing me to do the ultimate guy maneuver,' he rolled his eyes and bending down, somehow managed to hoist her over his shoulder, whereupon she immediately began to hammer her fists on his back and butt.

'Put me down you Neanderthal,' she crowed angrily. 'Put me down Pacey, I'm fine, really, put me down.'

'Shhh,' he hushed her as he broke out of Jen's house and headed for the dock and a certain rowboat.

'I'm fine,' she reiterated pinching his ass instead of hitting.

'Time to get you home I think,' he eyed the row boat wearily, and plonked her as delicately as he could onto the dock. 'Can you get in the boat?' he asked.

'No,' she shook her head with a petulant pout on her face.

'Is that because you can't or you won't?'

'Won't,' she glared at him.

'Why not?'

'I was having fun,' she intensified her glare.

'You would not thank me if I let you strip off in front of all those people.'

'But I'm supposed to be just fine with you doing the same?' she snarked.

'I was winning,' he gestured emphatically.

'I could tell by the half naked girl,' she hissed.

'Joey, I only want to see one half naked girl.'

'Then don't play strip poker at parties, because all of this,' she gestured to herself, 'it's off limits.'

'Joey, hun,' he crouched down beside her, 'I love you,' he stared at her intently and in her drunkenness all she could really think about was how gorgeous he truly was. Without really thinking she grabbed the front of his shirt and yanked him forward crushing her lips to his. 'Joey...I..aaa...mmmm...' he lost his balance and crashed to the dock but she merely lay back and rolled into him, pushing herself onto her knees and climbing on top of him and then sitting, allowing her skirt to ride up enough so that he could see her panties. She loved him hard between her thighs and she rocked forward on him. 'Ah, fuck, Joey...I ...you're drunk...'

'I know,' she rocked again, enjoying the way his eyelids fluttered and his hands caught her hips. 'And you won't fuck me when I'm drunk,' she cooed.

'I um can't...in actual fact it's the um...law...'

'You're my boyfriend. I'm your girlfriend. We have sex as much as we can. Why if I have a few drinks can't we do it?' she complained.

'You're...um...ah...' he groaned as she rocked, and then pressed her fingers against her clit and rocked again.

'Hmm?'

'You can't...give consent...if you're...um drunk...' he managed.

'But I always want sex with you Pace,' he watched intently as she rubbed tight circles against her clit with her thumb and continued to rock.

'You were mad at me...I can't and God do I want to,' he used his hands to rock her harder, loving her mewl of approval.

'We love make up sex,' she arched her back and he could tell she was going to come, her eyes shut tightly, as she rocked against him and touched herself, 'oh fuck Pacey,' she threw back her head, her thighs tightening around his, as her whole body shook and shivered, until she dropped forward onto him and kissed him, trailing kisses down his neck and chest, and lower, 'I wanna kiss you here,' she rubbed a hand roughly across his hard cock and he groaned.

'Joey,' he moaned her name as she flicked the button on his jeans. 'Um...in the boat,' he offered and she shrugged,

'Ok,' she stood and wobbled to the edge of the dock, though he jumped to his feet and steadied her as she climbed into her boat, getting in behind her, 'now,' she said and pushed his jeans and boxers down abruptly, and taking hold of his cock.

'Fuck,' he cursed because she was formidable, and he stumbled onto the bench seat, the wood cold on his bare ass, watching as she kneeled before him.

'Hmm,' she mused looking closely at his cock, running a finger up and down it, before looking up at him, 'I really, really, want you inside of me,' she pouted.

'God baby, I want that to, but I can't...I just...it wouldn't be right...'

'Fine,' she rolled her eyes and without warning closed her warm mouth around him, bringing her hand up to grasp him below her mouth. He almost instantly felt his orgasm building, as she licked and kissed and sucked, and did everything in her power to make him sorry he wasn't fucking her. The problem with her insanely good blow jobs was that they never seemed to last long enough because within two minutes his hips were lifting off the bench and his hands were in her hair and he was groaning as he spilled into her mouth. 'Ok?' she smiled sweetly.

'God..um yeah,' he awkwardly pulled up his boxers and jeans and sunk to the base of the boat holding her tightly.

'Who needs sex, anyway,' she mused sleepily.

'I need to get you home,' he didn't have any inclination to move.

'Yeah you do,' she laughed and peeled his sweater off of him before pushing him up and onto the seat, then she made it into a pillow and curled up in the bottom of the boat. Laughing, Pacey began to row.

* * *

'All right you,' he shook her gently as they hit her dock. She opened a lazy eye, 'time to climb out of the boat Jo.'

'Hmm, ok,' she staggered to her feet and clambered onto the dock before dropping to her bum and wrapping her arms around her legs.

'I can't walk Pacey,' she told him as he stood looking down at her.

'Before I had to drag you kicking and screaming, and now you want to be carried?' he stated incredulously, 'no!'

'It's a woman's prerogative to change her mind.'

'Ah, but tonight you're one of the guys, and guys walk. So come on number five, up you get,' he pulled her to standing and she moaned softly,

'Uh... I don't really feel so good Pace,' she rested her head on his shoulder,

'Well guess what sweetheart? You're gonna feel even worse in the morning. And you still won't be any closer to getting into the Ivy League institution of your choice. You need to apply not get drunk.'

'I've been thinking Pacey,' she stuck out her bottom lip and looked at him with wide eyes,

'Yeah, drunk thinking,' he attempted.

'Maybe...maybe Ivy League isn't what I really want, I mean maybe I want to stay here...or go to a smaller college...or stay here...I mean look at here, it's beautiful,' she gestured at him rather than the surrounding beauty, 'and I could just...'

'Just what? Work as a waitress your whole life? You're losing me here Jo, and quite honestly you're not making any sense. None of tonight has made much sense. Are you angry that I ranked higher than you?' he looked down at her and she gave him such a sweet look his heart felt like it literally constricted,

'I wanna be with you Pacey. I just wanna be with you,' she told him with such sincerity he felt the wind go out of him and he actually gasped a little.

'And I only wanna be with you. If you wanna be with me then it'll be wherever you're going...'

'But you deserve the best Pacey. You deserve everything.'

'And you don't?'

'I do,' she admitted sadly, 'I do...but you know years and years of working my butt off, of extra credit stuff, and really...maybe I'm just not Ivy League material...'

'Bullshit,' he shook his head, 'you are the best and they will realize it. It's all bullshit. My extra credits were all done to stop me flunking...my grades are down to you. You Joey. I want to be with you. I will be with you wherever you are.'

'Really?' she looked up at him again.

'Really,' he pressed a kiss to her forehead and then frowned, 'not that you deserve to hear such things right now.'

'I know, I know. It was a very stupid thing to get drunk.'

'You know you have a very bright future ahead of you, and for a while there it looked like I might be going nowhere, and that - that would have been a huge problem. This situation...it's not a problem and if it was, alcohol never solved a problem before. Did you really think you could solve it all with alcohol?'

'No,' she shook her head.

'No, because alcohol you know, it never really has solved problems. Never. And I would hate to think that I fell in love with a moron.'

'So you're in love with me, huh?' she smiled.

'Well not currently, no. Right now you're just some crazy drunk girl I gotta get in that door without waking up all the paying customers at her sister's B&amp;B. But generally speaking, yes,' he gave her a small smile, one that broke into a grin as she threw her arms around his neck enthusiastically.

'May I kiss you right now?'

'Yes, please,' he nodded laughing as her mouth claimed his in a heated kiss. 'Mmm,' he wrapped his arms tight around her drawing her closer, and then closer still. 'Mmmm, but I'm still not carrying you,' he added, jumping at the pleasant sensation of her lips on his neck and then against his ear,

'Please?' she whispered softly, kissing the lobe of his ear - an entirely underhanded tactic.

'Nope,' he insisted as she raised the most spectacular puppy dog eyes that could unknot the very fabric of his willpower, 'You can give me the eyes, it's just not going to work. Oh, come oh, honestly, you don't...' he lost his train of thought as her mouth descended on his with renewed enthusiasm, her tongue tangling with his, her hands smoothing through the hair at the nape of his neck. Despite the kisses she steadfastly refused to end he continued his refusal tirade, 'Jo, what do I look like I just fell off? The turnip truck? Jo? You think I'm going to fall for this?' he managed to half pull away from her. 'Half way, that's it, I swear. I'm not kidding! My back's killing me here,' he wrapped an arm around her and hoisted her into a baby carry, stealing a kiss, as he headed to the door, 'Well, I guess since you're up here...'

'You're the best Pace,' she kissed him, as he allowed her feet to drop to the floor, 'and I'm so, so, so proud you're number four.'

'Keep talkin' number five.'

'I still want to have sex and I'm feeling a little more sober,' she batted her lashes.

'Nice try toots,' he grinned,

'But you'll stay?'

'Of course, even if only to hold back your hair as you puke.'

'I won't be puking,' she scoffed.

'I'm pretty sure you will,' he rubbed her back with an indulgent look and together they crept inside.


	33. Chapter 33

**Ok, so this is just a short, filler type chapter. I didn't love all of season 4 (what I remember of it) and have browsed through episode transcripts to keep vaguely cannon. Joey goes to the free clinic with Jen on the show but this is a spin off AU version of that as she's obviously already prepared. Also a little college prep. I'm not doing Andie and her drugs. Well I may, but I don't think so. Enjoy! I am completely needy so please review! Out tonight with friends so no writing but there's always time when I'm inspired by loving reviews (hint hint, wink wink, nudge nudge...)**

**Tab :-)**

**p.s. Jen is also not depressed. She's applying for colleges, not cut up about Henry, all good. Assume that Jen and Joey hang out a lot even if this story doesn't show it:-)**

**Chapter 33**

'Joey,' Pacey appeared in front of her, clearly bursting with enthusiasm just to see her.

'Pacey,' she smiled a half hearted smile.

'How's my girl?' his hands were instantly on her, his lips pressing to her temple.

'Ok,' she answered only half sincerely.

'What's up frauline?' he asked, his mood dampening. 'You look all sad and stuff...'

'And stuff?' she looked at him,

'Ah, you know what I mean. It's not...PMS...that's not yet, right?'

'No, and thanks for your excellent grasp of my cycle,' she rolled her eyes.

'I try,' he nuzzled his nose against her neck, 'you want to...Mmm...you know, go down to the boiler room?' his hands found the gap between her shirt and her jeans but she pushed them away,

'Um, not really Pace,' she shook her head and looked away, hating the tears that filled her eyes.

'Ok Jo, I know you pretty well. In fact I'd say I know you about as well as anyone can, and you are not ok.'

'Not so much, no,' she looked away blinking back tears.

'Ok, so let's go talk,' he took her hand.

'We don't need to talk. I need to get to English.'

'Jo, we need to talk,' he insisted.

'So we'll talk later,' she attempted.

'No, now,' he dragged her up the corridor and out of the school building until they'd made it to the deserted front steps. 'Come on Jo, I hate to see you upset but I can't do anything, not if you don't tell me what's the matter. Did I fuck up? I wouldn't put it past me...I'm a bit of an idiot and you...you know I can be a moron, so if I'm being a moron and not noticing please tell me...'

'You're not being a moron...' she shook her head but pressed her knuckles into her eyes.

'Jo, sweetheart,' he wrapped an arm around her as they sunk to the steps, 'you can tell me anything you know that... Is it colleges? I thought you were happy with the places we'd decided on and we're moving forward well with the applications...'

'It's not colleges Pacey, it's not you...well I don't know...I mean maybe it's you. I don't know.'

'Well ok, so now I'm worried,' his whole demeanour sunk.

'God Pace, it's too private to talk here...' she flushed and stood up abruptly. 'Just leave it for now,' she hurried up the stairs leaving him sat in confusion and apprehension.

* * *

'Ok Potter, you avoid me at school, you run away after school, but now there's nowhere to run. Are you gonna tell me what's bugging you?' he dropped to the end of the dock beside her taking in her slumped shoulders as she stared at the multitude of burnt oranges, browns, yellows and golds that swirled on the waters surface, Fall well and truly having arrived.

'Yes, yes I am,' she admitted at length.

'Should I be worried here?'

'I don't know,' she looked at him with tear filled eyes, 'that's the problem - I don't know anything. I wanted to talk to Jen but she's all flirty with Drue and there wasn't a moment. I went there after school and Dawson was over and I really don't need to have this conversation with him around.'

'Can I help? Please say I can help because I love you and if you hurt, I hurt and I can tell you're hurting.'

'I don't even know how to say this.'

'Just say it,' he encouraged and she tried to breathe deeply.

'Something isn't right,' she said and looked at him meaningfully, watching his face blanch.

'Between you and me?' he sounded shocked and horrified. He sounded as though the ground had shifted beneath his feet.

'Oh god, no Pace, not you and me, with me. You know..._with me_.'

'With you?' he stared at her blankly. 'I don't understand.'

'You know...with me..._intimately_...'

'Oh,' the colour flooded back into his face with the realization. 'What?'

'Well I don't know do I?' she looked at him panicked. 'And I can't get to Jen, and I'm not asking Bessie - she already thinks seventeen is too young for all of this,' she gestured between them, 'so I don't know. Bessie doesn't read Cosmo. Even Gretchen doesn't read cosmo, not any more. There are no cosmo's lying around Pace.'

'Did you think of talking to Gretchen?' he asked almost optimistically and she fixed him with a death glare,

'I'm not discussing sex with your sister...not this anyway.'

'So tell me...talk to me...'

'You don't want to know. I know teenage boys. I've seen the shows, the movies...I know what you guys want to think about girls and sex...you don't want the realities...'

'Well let me stop you right there Jo. I'm not a normal American guy, despite what I might try, on occasion, to insist. Nor am I your regular teenage guy. I mean look at the facts - I fall in love with you and that's it, I'm done. Fiercely monogamous and in a state of permanent smitteness. I mean I think about you all the time. All the goddamned time. If the world's not right with you, it's not right with me.'

'Well it's not right with me,' she sniffed, and then paused nervously, her hands knotting together in her lap, 'the um...monogamous...thing...' she barely breathed the words.

'Joey,' he sat back from her, truly offended.

'Oh please don't be offended, I just...I thought that when...when it's so uncomfortable that you can't hardly sit still, and...well...that it was an STI. I wouldn't be mad...I mean I would about cheating but if there was someone else...I mean other than Andie and Ms Jacobs...you know before me...'

'Joey, hun, you don't have an STI. I mean truly. You know me and you _do_ know my sexual past and I wasn't lying when I said I've _always_ used condoms. I always have, except with you. Always. And I was tested. I would never, ever put you in danger,' he spoke clearly, hoping his words would sink in because he wanted there to be no mistake. Joey for her part listened and knew he was telling the truth.

'So I don't need to worry? I've been imagining my trip to the free clinic and I just...'

'Oh hun,' he pulled her close and carefully onto his lap, pressing kisses to her neck. 'You might still need to go to the free clinic but they're not going to be telling you that you have some awful disease.'

'But I'm sore and uncomfortable, and I feel all...not right,' she bit her lip and hated the tears that yet again filled her eyes.

'You know,' he said gently, his thumb softly brushing away a tear, 'a couple of days ago when you talked me down to the boiler room...we were very...well...'

'It was amazing,' she nodded feeling his approval of the memory against her butt.

'It was fast,' he kissed her ear, 'and hard,' his arms encircled her waist, 'and we weren't careful, not at all, because it was so, freaking, hot.'

'I think it's obvious I don't want a repeat right this second,' she leaned back to kiss his cheek but gave him a frown.

'I know,' he kissed her back, 'but you stayed over that night and well...you know...'

'Know what?'

'We did it again that night, you know after we finished that science work...'

'We always do it after we finish an assignment,' she shrugged not understanding his point,

'But then in the morning, when you woke up, you...well, you woke me up in the best way possible, and we tried that new thing...you know...and well...'

'Spit it out Pace.'

'I think maybe, maybe you're sore from you know...' he trailed off awkwardly.

'Overuse?' she asked sceptically.

'Yes, enthusiastic, teenage boy, overuse,' he nibbled her ear lobe.

'Maybe,' she didn't seem convinced.

'Thing is...and this comes from having four sisters...you can get all _out of balance_ when things aren't normal for you...for example sitting in wet clothes, excessive, exuberant sex...your system I mean...'

'Oh god Pace, I so don't want to be having this conversation with you,' she buried her face in their collective arms.

'You know you probably don't need to go to the free clinic, I'm pretty sure a trip to the pharmacy would sort you out...Joey,' he tapped her bowed head.

'I'm never looking you in the eye again, I'm so embarrassed,' she whimpered from beneath her hair, almost outraged when he laughed.

'Four sisters Jo. Four sisters and mountains of Cosmopolitans. Sisters talking to each other in front of me with little respect for my young male ears. It's not embarrassing it's natural. You seriously can't be embarrassed about this. I mean I've stared at you there, I've kissed you there, licked you, smelt you...I mean that's one of my favourite places in all the world...'

'You're making me more embarrassed, not less,' she spoke in a voice muffled by arms and hair.

'Joey, look at me,' he urged and she should have picked up on the naughty note in his voice, but she didn't and so she raised a red face and looked at him over her shoulder, 'I love your vagina Jo, and your vulva, and every other part of you,' he grinned cheekily as she moaned and reburied her head. 'Why is it girls are so embarrassed by the correct terminology for their wonderful bits?' he asked. 'I mean seriously Jo, what do you want me to call it? I have a whole load of other words, mostly courtesy of my sisters and Cosmo yet again,' he frowned, 'though there's a couple from the boys restrooms at school.'

'Pacey,' she groaned into their arms.

'You're telling me that you prefer vajayjay? Or snatch? Cootch? Quim? Poon? Or even the more delicate lady parts? Girly bits? I mean what's wrong with calling it what it is?'

'You're not helping,' she muttered.

'Well I should be. I love you Jo, and sex can be a messy business. If I've made you hurt I'm sorry.'

'I'm not,' she looked up at him, her cheek with a crease mark from his watch, her hair all messy and her face still red, 'I love sex with you Pacey. Hard and fast, and slow and lazy, ordinary and experimental. As long as this,' she gestured vaguely at her lap, 'is normal and fixable, then you don't need to be sorry.'

'Normal and fixable, and sometimes it just happens, without the hot boiler room sex, or you know,' he leant forward and whispered descriptively in her ear, rewarded by her giggle, 'without that. It can just happen.'

'Will you please take me to the pharmacy then?'

'I'll do you one better. I'll drive, go in, and purchase what you need. You just sit in the car.'

'Really?' she twisted in his lap.

'Really. And tonight we finish homework, revise for that math test, and yeah I'll be needing your boob, but then we'll watch a movie and eat pizza and by tomorrow I promise you'll feel much better.'

'Mmm, you're the best,' she kissed him.

'Come on then,' he chuckled and shifted her off his lap, hauling himself to his feet and then pulling her up.

'Thank you,' she held his hand tightly.

'You know I'd even buy you tampons,' he nodded sagely and she pressed her head against his chest in a half hug but tickled him lightly,

'Watch it cheeky.'

* * *

'Hey Jo,' Jen opened the door of the Witter Wagoneer and dropped into the seat beside Joey.

'I spend all day trying to get a second alone with you and now here you are when I no longer need a second,' Joey rolled her eyes.

'What's up?' Jen smiled.

'You seem chipper?'

'Well I'm managing to resist Drue's naughty side but having fun doing it. I'm not swayed by my New York ways in the slightest.'

'It's because you have me,' Joey nodded wisely.

'In part,' Jen shrugged. 'I'm surprised at how not upset I am about Henry. How glad I am to be applying to college and well...you know, how happy I am.'

'I'm glad you're happy. And I know you're still a cynic,' she grinned.

'I'm glad you're happy and still a cynic,' Jen said back easily. 'So what are we doing casing out the pharmacy from the Witter Wagoneer? You guys run out of condoms? Have I interrupted something?' she asked and Joey noted that she didn't look sorry.

'No,' she admitted. 'Pacey is in there being my hero.'

'What's new,' Jen laughed. 'What's he doing?'

'I'm a little...you know..sore and he's getting me medicine...'

'Ha,' Jen laughed, 'well one, I know how you're feeling 'cause I've been there, though I didn't have a gorgeous boyfriend to go buy my treatment. And it will feel much better by the morning and probably be gone by tomorrow afternoon, though make sure he treats himself or you'll get it again.'

'Ok,' Joey nodded bright red.

'Don't be embarrassed Jo. Every girl gets it at some point,' she squeezed her friends arm. 'Besides which, Pace is a hero. Especially when he comes face to face with Jack and Dawson who are both in there too.'

'Oh god no,' Joey buried her head in her arms.

'They won't know what it is,' Jen hurried to reassure her, 'they won't even know what it is he's buying. But he'll be embarrassed all the same, just because...well you know.'

'You think?' Joey gestured to her general distress.

'Next time you'll be in there buying it yourself.'

'Next time?'

'Just kidding,' Jen laughed. 'Well not really. There may be a next time.'

'No way to avoid it?' Joey asked peeking from under her arms.

'Lube helps.'

'Oh god, Pacey had it right. I am a prude. You're my best friend and I can't discuss lube with you. I can't.'

'Well at least I know what to get you for Christmas,' Jen patted Joey's hunched back.

* * *

'So I need to tell you something,' she heard Pacey state from the front door of his beach house, before he appeared in the living room.

'You're home,' she threw the magazine she was reading to one side and jumped up, throwing herself into his arms and kissing him wildly. 'Mmmm, you taste good,' she cooed. 'I'm all better and I want you so much, so please, please, please can you get in your room and take off all your clothes...'

'I...' he attempted as she pulled off her top and kissed him hard on the mouth again.

'We've been talking and talking Pace, I don't want to talk right now, I want you to...' she mumbled the last words against his hand, which he's put over her mouth, wondering what his problem was, but then her eyes widened at the sight of both Jack and Dawson stood in the doorway, Dawson somewhat stoic faced, Jack wildly amused. 'What is it, Joey humiliation week?' she pressed her face into his neck and was compliant as he pulled her top back on her,

'Seriously baby, you have no idea how much I hate that they're here right now,' he breathed into her ear, his hands lingering at her waist. 'We have an assignment...'

'Oh,' she pouted, 'well I can't go anywhere seeing as I can never, ever, look either of them in the face again.'

'Joey as much as it's not my favourite sight in all the world I can't claim that that's the first time I've seen you throw yourself at Pacey,' Dawson offered.

'And I've seen a whole lot more than that,' Jack added.

'Now I think I'm actually more humiliated,' she muttered still hiding behind Pacey.

'Don't be,' he urged, 'everyone here knows the minute these two are gone I'm gonna be climbing through your bedroom window,' he shrugged.

'Not all of us love that knowledge,' Dawson couldn't help but say, 'but he's right.'

'Well I'm just going to go. It's been lovely knowing you both...' she walked across the room dragging Pacey with her and slipped out the patio doors, unsurprised when he followed her, 'God...I must look like a complete floozy,' she muttered.

'A sexy, gorgeous, beautiful floozy who is all mine,' he clarified. 'I do need to tell you something...'

'What?'

'Well one, the assignment,' he shrugged, 'and two...well...I don't know...I mean maybe...'

'Spit it out,' she rolled her eyes.

'I think Dawson likes my sister and even worse I think my sister might like him,' he rushed the words.

'Well that's weird, but surely in the whole saga of you, me and Dawson that's a good thing? I mean sister, ex-girlfriend - aren't they both supposed to be off limits?'

'You're seriously fine with it?'

'Absolutely. I think maybe you're not,' she wrinkled her nose as she smiled.

'Hmm, she's my sister.'

'And I was apparently his soulmate,' she murmured kissing his neck. 'You're even now. One best friend back.'

'You make an excellent, excellent point. If he gets together with Gretch, he has to forgive me,' he smiled and brought her mouth to his, clearly forgetting his assignment buddies and lifting her into the porch railing and holding her tight as he stepped between her thighs.

'It's too cold for outside sex,' she sniffed, before continuing the kiss.

'Just kissing you goodbye is all,' he rubbed a thumb across her nipple and rocked his hard cock against her in just the right way, both emitting small noises of contentment at the feeling.

'I think that's second and third base, not goodbye,' she corrected with a sigh, wrapping her legs tight around him,

'Mmm, it's just a thorough goodbye,' he murmured through kisses, moaning softly as her feet encouraged any and all movement of his body against hers, his hands trailing up and under her shirt.

'Mmm, your hands are freezing,' she mewled, but it didn't sound like a complaint.

'Sorry,' he growled, but that didn't stop his hand tugging her bra out of the way so he could smooth it over her soft, pliant flesh, the kiss growing increasingly out of control.

'Pacey,' Jacks voice at the door halted the kiss. 'Told ya I'd seen worse Jo,' he smirked with a lazy grin, 'We better get started Pace - apparently you take this school work thing seriously.'

'He does,' Joey hissed snappily, entirely frustrated. 'He's coming.'

'Unfortunately I'm not,' he whispered in her ear.

'Go,' she laughed as she pushed at his chest, unwrapping her legs from around him.

'Fickle mistress,' he chided.

'Later,' she said simply, with one last kiss to his lips. 'He's all yours.'

'Why thanks,' Jack said with heavy insinuation.

'Platonically,' she rolled her eyes.

'Come on Pace,' Jack grabbed his arm and tugged him into the house.

**If you want to know my reason for this chapter (I consider it very important ), or to know what was wrong with Joey, or have any comments I'm always more than happy to answer - just message and review. **


	34. Chapter 34

**So one of my kids took an age to fall asleep tonight. He gets super upset about bedtime and so I sit with him. Had time to finish this! Thanks for the love people - it makes me happy and happy makes me inspired, and being inspired makes me use every opportunity to write! So here you go...a little season 4 inspired angst;-)**

**Chapter 34**

'Are you sure you wanna do this, because you're not a stupid girl and this kinda thing just screams "glutton for punishment," I mean misery is written all over it. Too be honest I'm not sure I can really put you through this because you're special and this, what we're about to do, it's not special at all. It's a disaster waiting to happen, a chiauau on the edge of a crocodile pit, this ship will sink, Jo, it will...'

'Pace it's dinner with your family,' she laughed softly at his over exuberance.

'No dinner with a family is what we do at the B&amp;B, you know when Bodie cooks pancakes and we sit there with him and Bessie to eat them...people are nice and kind and are interested...'

'Pace that's breakfast and there are usually guests there as well,' she laughed this time.

'Well the guests always show a kind interest in my life,' he flashed back squeezing her hand. 'This is the lion pit where my family, the lions, plan to rip you and I to shreds.'

'I've eaten dinner with your family before,' she attempted and he turned to look at her with a horrified look,

'Oh no Jo, that was eating food my mother grudgingly prepared, whilst my dad got drunk in his chair and everyone ignored us...this...this is going to be different...'

'How can they be anything other than proud of you?' she asked with a frown.

'I don't think I can recall one instance of my dad having anything resembling pride over me.'

'Pace,' she leaned up and kissed his cheek, 'they don't deserve you.'

'I love you too toots,' Pacey kissed her, 'but the reality of how this will go...well I just wanted to warn you.'

'Well I'm here.'

'You are,' he nodded and smiled, as they climbed the steps to his house and pushed through the front door.

* * *

'Do you want a drink Joanna?' Pacey's mom offered as she perched at the end of the table,

'It's Joey ma,' Pacey pointed out tightly. 'Just kill me now,' he hissed under his breath.

'That's what I said Pacey,' she plonked a glass of water in front of Joey who thanked her.

'Just say if I can help. I can follow instructions though I'm not naturally talented like Pace.'

'Hmm,' his mother didn't seem to hear, or have anything to say to this because she returned to the stove, then a hoard of kids ran into the house, and into the kitchen, taking her attention entirely.

'I guess that means the whole family is coming,' Pacey murmured, shifting uneasily on his seat. 'Let's go upstairs until it's lunch,' he urged.

'Really?' Clearly Joey wasn't so certain, 'I don't want to be rude. I mean we did ask to speak to them.'

'Jo, everyone's ignoring us. We'll talk at dinner. Anna and Gretch are gossiping through there...they didn't even say hi. Kerry is probably with them, ignoring the kids. Doug is talking shop with dad, and dads drunk. Mom clearly isn't interested in a little bonding time. Please?'

'Of course,' she followed him up the stairs to the bedroom. 'Are you ok?'

'I'm ok,' he nodded, clearly anxious.

'They're going to listen to you, they are.'

'And then they're going to rip me apart,' he plonked down on his bed, one hand under his head as he lay contemplating the ceiling. 'You know they are. You've heard them do it often enough.'

'They have no reason to this time and I know that's probably small comfort considering they had no reason to every other time. But let's at least try and be positive?'

'Distract me Jo, please just distract me,' he looked at her with ridiculously beautiful eyes.

'And how should I do that?' she smirked at him.

'I don't know,' he offered staring at her, 'you could sing to me in your underwear...'

'You've suggested that several times lately...I'm beginning to think you wouldn't actually be opposed to the idea...'

'Well no, you'd be in your underwear,' he gave her a smile and she felt relieved to see it on his face.

'Well,' she locked his door, 'I can do the underwear but I won't be singing,' she peeled off her top, loving his wide eyes. As she shimmied out of her jeans he brought his hand from behind his head and subconsciously reached out for her - it was little things like that, that made her so confident. She pushed off her socks before moving within arms reach,

'Is all your underwear sexy these days,' he asked as he greedily absorbed the blue lace bra and panties.

'Jen and I underwear shop together - it's a bonding thing. Everything is sale rail I'm afraid.'

'That's not a problem,' he lazily smoothed a hand up her stomach, tracing the lace of her bra as she lay beside him. 'You're so beautiful,' he whispered and each word sounded so full of awe that she blushed, and lowered her head feeling suddenly shy. 'I'm _so_ lucky,' he continued as if he hadn't noticed.

'I'm the lucky one,' she slunk closer to him, her arms tightening their hold.

'It's funny. Gretchen called me lucky. When she first got back. Said you were beautiful and I was lucky. She amended it,' he added hastily at the look on Joey's face, 'said we were both lucky. The thing is, when you say it I begin to believe it. Not that you're luckier, but that I might not actually be a worthless piece of crap my dad stepped in and accidentally brought into the house.'

'You're not that,' she offered fiercely. 'You're not,' she pressed a kiss to his lips, opening her mouth to invite him further in, to deepen the connection. The thing about kissing Pacey was she never wanted to stop kissing him. Kissing him made her want more, and more, until she was greedy for him like a junkie for a fix. Whether she wanted more or not she could easily be content to kiss him. He was an _amazing_ kisser, not sloppy, not too much tongue and not too little. Somehow, his breath was _always_ minty and he made these little noises of contentment that just made her stomach clench in adoration of him. At her invitation he responded enthusiastically, his tongue finding hers and his hands getting lost in her hair, a soft noise of contentment being all that was necessary to have her swinging a leg over his body until she was half straddling him, a knee on either side of his waist, but bent over so she could kiss him.

'You in underwear makes everything better,' he moaned softly, running gentle fingers down her spine. 'You in general make everything better.'

'S'what I'm here for,' she rested her head against his chest just enjoying the feel of his fingers tracing patterns on her skin.

'Do you ever wonder what we did...' he half asked, trailing off before completing his thought.

'What do you mean Pace?' she matched his lowered tone.

'Well neither of us lucked out did we? You have one wonderful parent who dies and the other...he's not a bad dad, I mean he loves you, but he leaves you. That man left you and I'll never understand how he could be so dumb. Especially leaving you alone as he did,' his voice cracked but he continued, 'and me. I have these two parents, both still here and they hate me. And even if it's not hatred it's possibly something worse, a complete lack of interest. I bore them. I irritate them. I'm in the way. I'm not worth their time. I don't have their respect, their support. I'm not important in any way, and they don't care.'

'Pace,' she whispered his name as a term of endearment, as an expression of love.

'I know,' he squeezed her. 'I'm sorry. I don't mean to get like this.'

'Don't apologize. Please don't. My dad...he really isn't a good dad. He isn't because he did leave me and that left me always feeling that I wasn't worth sticking around for. I've spent a long time thinking that there must be something wrong with me. That I've had to prove myself, prove that I am worth something. You make me feel wonderful. He never has. Not ever. I've only ever been filled with self doubt and self loathing, convinced that if I'd been better he wouldn't have done what he did.'

'And I guess that brings me back to my question. Do you ever wonder what we did? Because you've always been worth something. You're the most important person in the world to me. I don't think you should ever doubt yourself and if you liked yourself even half a percent as much as I like you, your self loathing would evaporate. So why do we get this?'

'I don't know,' she answered honestly.

'No I don't know either,' he admitted. 'Maybe they didn't want me. Maybe I was a horrible baby, a naughty child. Maybe I wasn't very nice...'

'That's ridiculous Pace,' Joey interrupted, 'you were cheeky, and yeah a little naughty, but you were cute as hell, and when it really mattered you were strong, honourable, loyal and utterly adorable.'

'Then why?'

'Maybe they'll surprise you today,' she offered but he just chuckled wryly,

'Hmm, maybe.'

'Maybe you'll surprise them,' she suggested instead. 'Maybe something will seep in. Do you know how hard it is to break free from the expectations put upon us by our parents?'

'What do you mean?' he asked.

'Well when people tell you you're nothing, that you can't do it, that you're a loser...it would be understandable that you might believe them, that you may not have bothered had my boob not been so readily at your disposal or had you not fallen in love with me, merely because you'd have been convinced you wouldn't have success. People tell a child they're a loser, that child believes they're a loser. They tell a child they can't do it, well that child usually believes that they can't do it. I wouldn't think less of you if that were you, but you Pacey, you would think less of yourself. If you believed what they said entirely. Except you don't because you've proved them wrong. You are ranked fourth. That's amazing. You are brilliant, and kind, and clever, and gorgeous, and you have the hottest girl in school lying on top of you in her underwear and she...she loves you and she is crazy for your hot body,' she smiled at him as he began to laugh,

'Well that's true,' he trailed his hands down her back and slid them under the edge of her panties. 'You are the best and most beautiful girl. And you are mine.'

'All yours,' she agreed as he rolled them over, shifting his hand fluidly from the back of her panties to the front,

'Are you opposed to really quiet fooling around?'

'When have I ever been opposed to that?' she asked moaning softly as his fingers fluttered over her clit.

'Good,' he smiled at her, maintaining eye contact as his thumb pressed more firmly and his fingers flitted across the wet, warmth. She tried to calm her body's response, but it seemed to fully approve of nearly everything Pacey did and she moaned. 'I want to watch you come,' he breathed into her ear and the tickling sensation that one action evoked, seemed to resonate throughout her body. He held her eyes as he rubbed a deliberate, tight circle on her clit, then another and another, on and on until she was moaning loudly, not that she could stop because she was desperate, absolutely desperate for his fingers to be inside of her, for him to be inside her. Her eyes shut of their own accord as he continued his torture, and she clamped her thighs over his hand in an effort to force it, to move it into her.

'Pacey,' she pleaded, her eyes on him though her vision was blurred. All at once he pushed not one but two fingers inside of her, never breaking his thumbs relentless torture. 'Oh,' she gasped, and instead of urging her silence he merely smiled and tucked her hair behind her ear before kissing her briefly, then pulling back to watch her as she came, her back arching off the bed, her thighs locking his hand in place and her entire body shaking, as she moaned, eyes closed and every thought in her brain evaporating except for one, _him_. Even with the bliss still there she could only think of him, and she made her intention known, pushing at his jeans and his boxers and taking him in her hand, running her hand up and down his cock, before pushing at her panties and removing them with her feet. She tugged him between her legs, using her hand to make sure he knew exactly where she wanted him, and then he was pushing into her, this feeling of everything suddenly being right with the world coming over her. She took hold of his face and looked at him, staring him in the eye for a second before claiming his mouth with hers, and encouraging his deep, slow thrusts, movements that meant she felt all of him.

'Fuck, Jo, you're so fucking gorgeous,' he hissed as he pushed into her, his body shaking slightly with the restraint of the slow pace. The call to dinner caused them both to groan softly, smiles creeping onto their faces. 'I'm sorry.'

'No I am,' she shrugged before somehow managing to roll them over until he was on his back and she was straddling him, his cock still tightly inside of her.

'God baby,' he grasped at her boobs, flicking her bra down and rubbing his thumbs across her nipples. Joey lifted herself off of him and then rocked back down, finding a pace and then increasing it until his hands dropped to her hips and his eyes fell shut, and then opened to stare at where they were joined. 'I'm going to come,' he hissed.

'Good,' she managed as his hips bucked up into hers, and he pulled her as tightly onto him as she would go. Somehow he was suddenly sitting and his mouth was clamped onto her shoulder, as he shook, his hips still shifting toward her and his hands still holding her firmly.

'Please baby, do we really have to go down there,' his hands traced up her sides, until they were on either side of her face and he was kissing her.

'We do. And soon otherwise they'll come looking for us,' she said as someone pounded on the door.

'Look, I know what you're doing but if you don't want everyone else to know you better be downstairs in less than a minute.'

'Thanks Gretchen,' Pacey called, as Joey reluctantly removed herself from his lap and found her panties. 'And thank you,' he looked at her.

'You don't have to thank me for sex.'

'I wasn't. I was just thanking you for being you, and for you know, being with me.'

'In that case, thank you too,' she smiled.

* * *

The table was full. Doug was there, sat next to Pacey's dad and being a suck up - or that's how it looked to Joey. Gretchen wasn't all that helpful, giggling as she was with Anna and Kerry, Pacey's mom all but ignoring them, and focussing on Anna, who didn't seem to be all that pleased to see Pacey, or interested to meet his girlfriend.

'Shut up everyone, apparently we're here to listen but before that I wanna talk to Joey,' John Witter shouted abruptly and when Joey looked up in surprise she was rather worried to find him staring at them with a stony expression. 'I want to talk to her a minute and I can't hear nothing with all the screeching going on,' apparently when John wanted silence, the table fell into awkward silence. 'I wanna know why you been putting ideas of college into my sons head? I seen the information lying in his room...'

'I'm happy Pacey wants to go, but that's not come from me...' she began hesitantly,

'Well, I gotta blame someone, 'cause Pacey's big dreams means I'm going to have to finance another drop-out's half-assed education.'

'Gretchen didn't drop out of school, pop,' Pacey began loyally but his dad cut across him,

'Oh really? Cause I didn't realize that working as a barmaid in a fish restaurant qualified as a university education. Than again, I'm just an uncouth, uneducated police officer, putting his life on the line everyday for the people of this time. What do I know?'

'Mr. Witter, I really don't think Pacey will be dropping out. I think he's going to do great in college. Just you wait.'

'I appreciate the youthful optimism. My predication, if he doesn't drop out, he'll flunk out. That's altogether more likely. If can even get into a college - my understanding is he may as well just flunk out of high school. It's a waste of his time and my money,' Pacey's dad glowered at both he and Joey, the entire family shifting uncomfortably.

'Oh, honey, just because Pacey's flunked a few class's in high school doesn't mean he's going to do the same thing in college. Right sweetie? I have faith in him. And I know that one day my faith will pay off. So no matter how many times you let us down Pacey, my faith will be there to help pick you right back up. Let him try to get into college, I mean what can it hurt.'

'Your faith and my bank account. Though I suppose the chances are minimal.'

'Oh John!' Pacey's mom tittered, supposedly chastising him.

'I'm just saying that Pacey should set his sights on something he can accomplish. Like refrigeration and heating repair,' John banged the table and Joey stared at him in shock, 'We always knew Gretchen was college material.'

'Oh yeah,' Pacey's mom nodded.

'But Pacey,' his dad continued, 'You remember when he was a kid and he wanted to be a veterinarian and you always said...'

'I always said, dog groomer, honey. What about dog groomer?' his mom smiled sweetly and Joey found Pacey's hand under the table, gripping it tightly.

'Exactly. Someone has to be the dog groomer,' his dad gestured to Pacey. Joey stared at her boyfriend and then at his father.

'You know, I recently read an article in Ladies Home Journal that said a fun way to bond with your kids was to recall a favorite memory from their childhood. Why don't we do that for Pacey, help him think about what he really wants.'

'Oh joy,' Pacey groaned softly, squeezing Joey's hand so tight it actually hurt.

'I guess I'll go first. And my memory would have to be when Pacey was a baby. It was such a relief to finally have a late bloomer. Never bothered anybody. Used to fall asleep in cardboard boxes,' everyone laughed except for Pacey because of the insinuation. Doug was apparently inspired,

'Remember the time we almost left Pace at 31 Flavors?' everyone laughed again except for Joey and Gretchen who caught each other's eye briefly. 'We were practically driving away when this lady flagged us down with Pacey just wailing in her arms. I swear we would have driven home before we realized he was even gone. And he was so upset he peed his pants,' Doug turned to Kerry's kids, 'That's right, your uncle, he peed his pants,' everyone laughed.

'Thanks for that one, Doug,' Pacey muttered.

'You know my favorite Pacey memory?' Gretchen tried to sound forceful and they all turned to look at her, 'When I was in 5th grade, there was this bully named Max Brody and he was the meanest kid you'll ever want to meet. And one day he pushed me off the swing set. Hard. I split my lip open. And Pacey, who was in 2nd grade at the time, was sitting over in the sandbox. And when he saw Max push me, I've never seen anyone run so fast. And he just started punching and kicking him, screaming "Stay away from my sister!" That's Pacey. Bravest guy I know.'

'Brave and foolish. As I recall, Pacey came home crying because that that bully beat the pulp out of him,' Pacey's dad said sourly.

'I remember that,' his mom looked at him a little vacantly.

'What about the time that Pacey got up at 5:30 in the morning and decided to make pancakes for the whole entire family,' Kerry began and everyone fell silent, 'But he set the kitchen on fire and Scraps died of smoke inhalation,' the silence was uneasy and harried and Joey hated them all fiercely. She turned to see how Pacey was faring but his head was buried in his arms,

'Alright, I have a Pacey story,' his dad began but Pacey stood up abruptly,

'Oh enough! Enough! As much as I love being publicly eviscerated, I think we can all guess what the theme of this happy anecdote is going to be. Pacey messes up, yet again! Am I right? Pacey kills the dog or pees his pants or pukes or gets the pulp beaten out of him. But you know what else the theme might be? The theme of my entire life for that matter. No one gives Pacey a break. Everybody expects the absolute worst out of Pacey. Pacey gets the short end of the stick. Pacey gets endlessly harassed because how dare he want to go to college so he could possibly get out of this place?! But you know what, dad? I am going to college and I'll do it without you.'

'And how on earth do you think you'll manage that?' his dad stared at him.

'I'll get a scholarship,' Pacey glared, 'financial aid. I'll legally emancipate myself if I have to.'

'And who in their right mind would give a scholarship to you? A mediocre high school student on a good day, about to flunk out most days,' his dad had stood up and everyone was staring from Pacey to his dad.

'I'm not about to flunk out. I'm not failing. I'm ranked fourth in our class.'

'I'm sorry Pacey but that can't be true,' Mr Witter shook his head. Everyone's attention swung back to Pacey,

'This is my grade two spelling test all over again...' he shook his head bitterly.

'What spelling test?' his dad all but growled.

'The one I got one hundred percent on. The one you assumed I'd cheated on.'

'But you did cheat,' his mother said softly.

'I did not,' Pacey yelled, 'and I'm telling the truth now. I have straight A's.'

'It's true,' Joey stood up beside him.

'If he's getting an A it's only because of you,' Mr Witter gestured at her.

'You're right pop's, it is because of Joey. She told me I was smart, that I could do it. She encouraged me to study and you know what, she was right.'

'Seems suspicious,' his dad muttered.

'There's nothing suspicious about it. Pacey is ranked higher than me because he's scarily smart. We're applying to Ivy League colleges together.'

'Well he won't be going,' his dad pointed out.

'And why is that dad?'

'The convicts daughter will get the financial aid, not the police chiefs emancipated son.'

'Then we'll work it out together,' Joey stated firmly.

'We'll see,' Mr Witter laughed caustically and dug into his meal.

'I'm not staying,' Pacey muttered. 'Come on Jo.'

'Thanks,' Joey half murmured to his mother, but followed Pacey out into the cold air.

'Grrrr,' Pacey growled pacing up and down on the sidewalk. 'I'm so unbelievably angry right now.'

'I'm so unbelievably angry too,' Joey stated and Pacey looked at her, apparently surprised to see her face drawn in anger. 'They have no right...to be that way...' she was surprised at the tears that filled her eyes and ran down her cheeks. She brushed away at them furiously and stepped up to him, holding him fiercely, 'don't you ever believe them. Those stories could have been so different, told in a different way and by decent human beings. I've known you nearly your whole life and you drove me crazy, but you were always protective, always honourable, and always adorable.'

'Hey, it's ok,' he was suddenly soft, a thumb swiping at the tears on her cheek.

'No it's not,' she yelled loudly, 'it's not ok. I'm so mad. It's not fair to treat anyone that way but it seems especially cruel that they treat you that way.'

'They're not really keen on any of us except Dougy, though I think I've suffered the brunt of low expectations,' Pacey wrapped his arms around her and kissed her head.

'Oh this is ridiculous,' she huffed and pushed away from him, 'I'm upset because your family treat you like crap and you're comforting me?' she sat down on the porch step and gestured for him to sit beside her and then she pulled his head down onto her lap, his face resting in her chest.

'Remember when Dawson hit me on the dock over the stolen SAT?' he asked.

'Yes?'

'You said it'd have to be something really bad for me to rest my head against your chest. This must be really bad,' he said the words softly but she could hear amusement in his tone.

'You get to rest your head against any body part of mine you like these days, but yes, I think that today you deserve to be held in my arms with your head against my chest.'

'Thanks Joey.'

'Love you,' she ran her fingers through his hair and sighed before doing it again.

* * *

Joey couldn't say how long it was before Doug found them on the steps.

'I'd have thought you'd have gone further,' he said as he dropped to the steps beside them.

'To be honest, nowhere was quite far enough,' Joey said, as Pacey sat up and took her hand.

'Probably not,' Doug admitted, then after a long pause. 'Is it true?'

'Is what true?' Pacey asked moodily,

'Your class rank,' Doug embellished.

'Yeah it's true,' Pacey rolled his eyes.

'That...that's...exceptional,' Doug said.

'I know. I've worked my whole life and I'm fifth, Pacey applies a little effort and sails to fourth,' Joey teased softly.

'Yeah, yeah, so simple,' Pacey teased back, 'I don't know why _you_ had to try so hard.'

'Watch it,' she warned.

'Pace, I'm impressed and I'm not easily impressed,' Doug said slowly.

'It's amazing where a little honest faith can take a person. Joey didn't doubt me, and she made me not doubt myself. So the rest of you can honestly go fuck yourselves because I'm not stupid and I'm not a loser.'

'You're still an annoying little brat,' Doug said, but looked up at Pacey with a small smile. Pacey found himself laughing,

'Isn't that my job as little brother? I thought that was a prerequisite of the job.'

'Probably,' Doug nodded.

'I'm going to college whether he likes it or not,' Pacey said after a beat.

'What do you want to major in?' Doug asked.

'That's pretty funny actually. I have an aptitude for law enforcement, so you know, that's what we're going for...'

'Law enforcement?' Doug frowned.

'Law. I've applied to study law.'

'Wow,' Doug whistled. 'I'm...well...I guess I bought into the family propaganda and labelled you a loser and that was really, really wrong...'

'Because I got into college?' Pacey scowled.

'Pacey's never been a loser even when he was flunking classes. He's always been amazing,' Joey stated loyally and Doug laughed,

'Well you're bat shit crazy for the guy, of course you think he's marvellous!'

'I think he's marvellous because he is,' Joey glared.

'I'll admit he isn't bad. A few less quips about my sexuality wouldn't be a bad thing.'

'Just admit it's true Dougy,' Pacey shrugged,

'Fine, it's true,' Doug rolled his eyes.

'Really?' Pacey stared at him dumbfounded and Joey was pretty certain her expression matched.

'Really,' Doug stared at his brother.

'Aw man, now I feel like a shit, ragging on you like that when really you've been hiding who you are...I'm sorry...'

'I think I'm worse,' Doug admitted, 'ragging on you, saying you're a loser when really I was trying to deflect dads attention from myself. You're not a loser Pacey. You never have been, but I've been so scared of that man figuring out who I really am I've used and abused you. I'm the one who is sorry.'

'So you don't want this news to be public knowledge?' Pacey sounded regretful because he honestly hated the idea of someone having to hide who they were,

'Ideally not. I'd really appreciate it if you could keep up with the jokes as well. I am not ready to be the subject of that mans ire,' Doug admitted.

'And Pacey is?' Joey could have said it angrily because she was mad on Pacey's behalf but the words were soft because she recognized Doug's bravery in admitting the truth to them.

'I promise to defend you. I promise not to tell the stories in the way I have but to stand up to him. Starting with college. He should pay what he can, just like he did for Gretchen. You deserve it Pace.'

'Thanks Doug,' Pacey shifted away from Joey and embraced his brother who after a moments hesitation embraced him back. 'I'm really, really proud of you for telling us and I hope that one day it's a non issue for you, that everyone can know and you won't feel that you have to hide who you are. I love you.'

'I love you too Pacey,' Doug sniffed but wiped abruptly at his eyes. 'Now you guys go..go do something fun and trust me Pace, you'll have financial help for college if I have to provide it myself.'

'Thank you Doug.'

'No problem little brother,' Doug stood and left them and Pacey turned to her,

'Did that really just happen?' he asked, in a shocked voice.

'It did.'

'I can't actually believe that happened,' he smiled and then the smile grew and he kissed her. 'Come on, let's go out, let's forget this house and all except that last conversation with Doug.'

'Where are we going?' Joey frowned.

'For a date. We're going to go buy desert because we missed most of dinner and let's face it, the food was questionable at best, so I'm going to buy the biggest piece of cake for us to share and then we'll go watch the movie of your choice.'

'Would I be crass if I suggested a movie at your place with plenty of kissing?'

'Maybe a little,' he laughed, 'but I fully approve!'

'I love you Pacey.'

'You're not so bad yourself sweetheart,' he kissed her on the lips and stood up, a spring in his step. 'Come on then gorgeous.'

'Sure,' she laughed and loved the way his arm wrapped around her.


	35. Chapter 35

**Just a filler chapter because I don't have time for more. I manage to write these whilst away on vacation because my son takes a half hour to fall asleep and likes me in there with him. Reviews spurn me to write rather than check facebook...you catch my drift? *wink wink* Seriously guys, thanks for the reviews and support! **

**Tab:-)**

**Chapter 35**

'I hate winter,' Joey groused as they walked through Capeside in the icy weather.

'But we first fell in love in winter,' Pacey pointed out.

'I would say it was Fall,' Joey shrugged and tugged him along by their joined hands.

'Ok, but we first acknowledged it in winter. I mean it's true that I spent forever falling in love with you,' he stated dismissively, 'but the point being, we got together in winter.'

'I guess,' she frowned.

'Ok, so this conversation brings a good point to my attention. Did we get together in fall or winter? I mean we fell in love throughout the summer and fall, or maybe our whole lives, but when did we get together?' he gestured with enthusiasm, 'Was it that moment on the bed when you told me about AJ, or when we first kissed and declared ourselves? I mean, I guess I don't really know what kinda girl you are about anniversaries and stuff, and you know I just assumed we'd celebrate the day we got together with an all out fiesta. Is that day to celebrate the falling in love bit, which would be an everyday celebration, or is it the actual day we kissed by the welcome to Capeside and if it is I'm not actually sure what day that is...'

'Well if it was the first day you...evolved one of our hugs into a grope fest...'

'You groped too sweetheart,' he pointed out blithely as if she were contesting the issue.

'I never said I didn't...although now you mention it I didn't actually grope, I just allowed your body to keep touching mine...'

'Allowed?' he raised a sceptical brow at her. 'The way you breathed my name, that breathy, pleading voice...I wouldn't say 'allowed' covers that.'

'Ok,' she conceded, 'I turned to a mushy puddle of hormonal goo when you pressed your body to mine,' she gave him a sweet smile.

'Better,' he acknowledged. 'So do we count it from that day?'

'If we do,mee've missed the year mark by over a month or two.'

'Oh,' he looked crestfallen.

'And it's not exactly an anniversary if we say it's everyday because we were always falling in love.'

'So the kiss?' he smiled at her as they walked.

'Yeah, I count it from our kiss at the side of the road, the day we admitted how we felt about each other,' she said smiling back at him.

'Ok, and I haven't missed that right?' he looked at her with panicked eyes.

'Well that was right before Spring break, the sixth of March.'

'The sixth of March?' he looked at her.

'Which is soon.'

'It's not soon Joey,' he shook his head and she laughed,

'It is, it's really soon, tomorrow in fact!' she looked at him pleased to have known when he didn't, 'Now don't go all male on me and start panicking because you didn't remember, I honestly don't care about things like that and we'd never clarified when it was before...'

'I meant it's not soon Jo, it's today,' he grinned at her impishly and she rolled her eyes, swatting him in the chest.

'Nice try Pace...'

'I'm sorry to say Jo, but you've lost a day somewhere along the line because if you hadn't I wouldn't have decorated the boat up like this,' he gestured to the dock, the end destination of their walk, where in the distance True Love bobbed in the water, the lights twinkling on board, 'I wouldn't have cooked you risotto and I wouldn't have bought you flowers _and_ a gift.'

'Today is really the sixth of March?' It was her turn to look devastated.

'Yep,' he looked utterly proud of himself.

'Well ok,' she bit her lip and looked down before looking up at him with wide, doe eyes. 'The thing is I had a gift for you but I didn't bring it because I thought it was tomorrow, so I guess I'll have to give you a different kind of gift,' she ran a hand up his pant leg and cupped him, letting him know what she meant, as if it hadn't be obvious from the expression on her face.

'Sorry missy, but tonight I'm going to wine and dine you - we're going to talk. You can't distract me with sex,' he pecked a kiss onto her forehead, and slipped away from her,

'I can try,' she stated obstinately, walking after him.

'Well sure, you can try,' he smirked.

'You're so dead Witter...'

'I don't think dead is what you're after,' he grinned and held out a hand to help her onto the boat.

'Fine...you're so naked Witter...'

'Well eventually sure, after the wining and dining and gift giving...after the adoration...'

'Ok,' she shrugged easily, too easily he was sure, as they stepped into the cosy cabin. 'So glad you got that heater,' she took off her coat, gloves, hat and scarf.

'Me too,' he said and when she turned to look at him he was holding out a small box to her, which she took shyly.

'What is it?' she murmured and he laughed.

'Why do you always ask that? Open it and find out. I hope I got it right...I may have asked Jen for a little guidance...' he watched her as she lifted the lid to reveal the dainty silver necklace with a small arrow strung within it.

'Oh I love it,' she gasped entirely thrilled and took it out and handed it to him, 'please?'

'Sure,' he was smiling at her reaction, as she lifted her hair and he did it up for her. She turned around and he smiled, 'looks really pretty,' he said, or managed to half say before she pressed herself against him and kissed him, her hands running through his hair, as she shifted her body against the front of his, eager to find that friction that made her feel so good. For a nano second she contemplated her success at deviating his attention away from food, for he was of course impossibly hard and his eager hands were grasping at her ass to help her get closer, it was only a nano second though because then her mind was consumed with the feel of him, with one sole goal which was to rid him of his clothes and let him fuck her - she knew that was a good gift because Pacey was a selfless lover - no matter what he wanted, he wanted her enjoyment more, and she knew he had fantasies, ones he might even feel a little guilty about which involved him taking her, claiming her as his and it wasn't about her enjoyment but about his. Given that he wasn't sexist in the slightest, given that it was just a fantasy and the reality was he'd probably still try and make her come, well she was more than happy for him to play at domination. She wasn't up for the BDSM, not at all, but if he wanted to take her from behind and fuck her, well the thought was a complete turn on to her. It wasn't like he'd transfer that to his treatment of her out of the bedroom.

'Pace stop,' she managed to gasp and his hands were instantly off of her. It was things like that which made her comfortable with a little light role play. She took in his apprehensive expression, and peeled her top off, before pushing off her jeans and socks until she was in just her underwear.

'Joey,' he pleaded, taking a step forward but keeping his hands off. She slid off her bra and panties then looked at him.

'I want you to fuck me from behind, up against that counter,' she nodded to where the meal he'd prepared sat.

'Joey,' this time he growled her name but she merely stood facing the counter, resting her hands against the wooden edge.

'I don't want your fingers, or your mouth, I just want to feel your cock pushing into me,' she wondered where her baddass nerve was coming from, but she didn't feel embarrassed or self conscious, she just felt really, really ready to have him fill the space between her legs. The last time she could recall that feeling of heavy, pulsing need had been in Key West, the night she forewent panties, the night Dawson lost it. Without being able to see him, knowing how much he'd want her, she wanted it more than ever, and each second that she stood there waiting, made the beating desire harder to withstand.

She had no idea he could move so stealthily because it couldn't have been half a minute later and she felt his body close in behind hers, felt his hands grasp at her boobs, his feet kick apart her legs a little and then his cock was pushing into her, hard. He began to move in and out of her, hard, fast, and needy thrusts of his body into hers. His breathing was already erratic but so was hers, the area between her legs welcoming the intrusion with an enthusiastic response to each thrust of his body into hers. She didn't even know how she was building to a climax without any friction on her clit, but she was moaning and gasping, and feeling an unbelievably strong build up. The plan apparently had the desired effect on Pacey because he was fucking her hard, selfishly, his hands slightly rough on her chest but with a dazzling effect that only served to heighten her own excitement.

'Oh god, fuck, Pacey,' she couldn't even think to worry about how loud she was being, to blush as she might usually do over it, because she realized that she no longer knew her own body, and she had certainly underestimated the effect Pacey had on her. Her orgasm hit around the same time as his, she couldn't have said who was first, who's was longer, or much of anything, because her body seemed to come and then come again, until she was left like a marionette who's strings have been cut, just a rag doll in his arms. Pacey for his part seemed to be shaking, his arms tight around her preventing her from falling,

'God baby...Mmm...' seemed to be all he could manage and he muttered the words repeatedly for several minutes until he was ready to move away from her. 'Here,' he mumbled against her neck and then he was scooping her up and depositing her on the bed, before pulling back the covers and climbing in beside her, the two of them instantly cocooned in a ball of hugging beneath the fluffy quilt.

'Happy anniversary,' she giggled after a good half hour of silent hugging and she was rewarded with his deep, happy chuckle.

'Happy is right,' he pressed a kiss to her cheek. 'I am going to insist you put your clothes on. I did make a special dinner and I plan on serving it by candlelight and talking to you, not just ravishing you.'

'Pace, we rarely stop talking,' she teased, but he just rolled his eyes,

'That's because we like talking to each other,' he said as if that should be obvious.

'But I can't move,' she gripped onto him.

'Ok,' he nodded, 'ok...just lie there,' he said and she closed her eyes as he left the bed. When she opened them again he was back beside her and holding out a pair of his boxers and his T-shirt from that day, because he knew she adored wearing his T-shirt when they smelt of him. She looked around and noticed the lit candles and the smell of dinner which he'd put on plates at the bottom of the bed.

'It's an in bed picnic,' he smiled.

'It's perfect is what it is,' she told him. 'I love hanging out with you like this,' she mused as he passed her the plate.

'Well we're going to have to get creative when we get to college you know. Find new places to go on dates, maybe go out dancing. I would love to take you out somewhere where we could get a little drunk and flirty, and dance, not the cha cha, but up close,' he ran a hand across her cheek. 'We'll need to find new places to be intimate as well...I mean imagine we both have roommates...'

'Well I hadn't thought of that,' she frowned.

'I had,' he smirked.

'Maybe the showers...I've heard that might be an option...'

'Where did you hear that?' he asked.

'TV shows and movies,' she grinned.

'Well I think I could do that, I mean be in a shower with you...'

'You have done that,' she rolled her eyes, 'several times.'

'Hmm, maybe we should just get a place together. Can you imagine that? You and me in a little sunlit apartment. Jen and Jack nearby. I could cook for you...you could wash my clothes...we could play to our strengths. No crappy, weird roommates...'

'Well speak for yourself. In that little scenario you'd be my roommate and you're definitely a little strange. Strange and messy.'

'But I'm clean,' he pointed out.

'Pace we can't live together the first year of college,' she chided softly.

'Why not?' he pouted.

'Because it's a life experience. The weird roommates, college dorms, trying to hook up in awkward places...dorm room parties... I love the idea of living with you, but this isn't summer on the boat...'

'It's ok, I can take it,' he sniffed, a mock frown in place, 'I guess I love you more...'

'Oh shut it,' she nudged his shoulder with hers. 'You'll regret it if you don't experience it all and as I plan on keeping you, I can't have you resenting me.'

'As if I could,' he smiled and kissed her cheek, before shifting so he was lying on his tummy looking up at her, picking bits of salad off his plate. 'You're really beautiful you know?'

'So are you,' she murmured looking down and feeling her blush on her cheeks. It surprised her that his sincere comment could cause her to blush, but when he was fucking her earlier she'd felt no embarrassment.

'I would love to live with you. Maybe third year? We could even convince Jen and Jack if they're in the same town,' he suggested.

'We've all applied to Boston and New York, chances are we might get lucky.'

'Would you consider that then?' he asked with deep blue eyes fixed on her.

'If we're still together, I would,' she nodded.

'Why aren't we still together?' he asked pouting yet again.

'Because you get sick of me? Or you drive me literally insane. Maybe I get fat...'

'I don't love you because you're thin,' he pointed out.

'Well good.'

'I mean I do love your body,' he put the plates to one side and pulled her down on the bed beside him, so she was lying on her back. He ran a hand down her stomach, 'I love this bit of you,' he leaned across and pressed a kiss to the warm skin.

'But you'd still love me fat?' she laughed at him.

'Yes I would,' he kissed her tummy again and looked up at her, his lips still on the skin there.

'Even if I don't get fat, if I have a baby my stomach will never be the same...' she looked at him, loving the way his eyes twinkled as he grinned,

'But you'd have had a baby. I mean so long as it was mine...'

'You wouldn't mind huh?' she arched a brow.

'Exactly. God, I'd love you to have my baby, one day of course...' he added hastily.

'You mean not right now?' she smirked, her tone sarcastic.

'Not until we choose to,' he lay his head on the flat of her stomach and she put her hands in his hair.

'And how many babies would you love to have?' she asked.

'Hmm,' he thought about it, 'as many as you'd let me.'

'I'm not surprised,' she told him.

'Why not?'

'You're a big softy. You're good with kids.'

'And you...I mean I hope I'm good with you...'

'You're very good with me Pace,' she stroked his cheek and ran a finger lightly across his eyelid. 'You're very good for me.'

'And what if we don't get into the same school?' she could hear the insecurity, the concern. 'I mean what if college separates us?'

'Hmm, well I guess that we have to trust each other and trust what we have. Life isn't always going to be as smooth as it has been.'

'I wouldn't call Dawson's temper tantrum "smooth,"' he griped and she laughed.

'Or your parents,' she admitted.

'No. But you and I...I suppose we've always been certain, and I guess I trust what we have entirely.'

'Well that feeling is mutual,' she agreed.

'So...whilst we're talking...' he began and trailed off.

'Yes?'

'Well my grandma, the one who died, turns out she left me something in her will. She left us all something but for whatever reason she left me more. The will said it was to finance what my parents wouldn't...I guess she knew my dad pretty well.'

'How much did she leave you?' Joey sat up and he moved his head off her lap.

'I don't actually know, it's all still with the lawyers. My dad's been shouting about this and that. It's probably not much, but I'm hoping it would cover some of my college expenses and maybe I could do the rest with loans. I heard the figure fifteen thousand mentioned,' he shrugged.

'Wow Pace, that would be amazing!' she squeaked. 'That would help so much and if you do get some financial aid you could save it...spend it if you need it without having to ask your parents. Why didn't you tell me sooner?' she took both of his hands,

'Do you not recall my desire to wine and dine you? Me wanting to talk to you and declaring there'd be no hanky panky until after then?'

'It sounded more like a challenge to me,' she offered up sweetly and he laughed loudly before kissing her,

'A challenge you won instantly.'

'Which is as it should be,' she nodded.

'I'd like to pretend I have more willpower but it's blatantly apparent that when it comes to you I have none.'

'Not when I'm standing naked in the cabin of your boat and offering myself to you,' she turned herself around so she was sat between his legs, her back resting along his chest. 'Do you think you'll get bored of me?' she asked.

'Clarify that question please,' he kissed her neck.

'If I manage to convince you to be mine for longer than the average high school romance...I mean do you think you're going to get bored of me? Will I lose you through boredom or is it more likely to be circumstantial?'

'These are crazy questions Jo,' Pacey tutted softly. 'The bigger risk is that I lose you. Why are you worrying about this again?'

'Because everyday there's more and more evidence piling up that suggests you are a much more wonderful person than I could ever dream of being. I mean I got our anniversary wrong, there's an example right there.'

'It was sweet and you more than made up for it,' he held her a little tighter.

'I did have you an actual gift, one I wrapped up and everything...'

'Maybe next year you can wrap up you naked against a counter...' he suggested.

'Pace, I'm being serious. It's not as pretty as this necklace though,' she fingered the chain around her throat, 'it's just a couple of photos from last summer.'

'When I'm not with you I'm a bit of a romantic mush monster and I stare at pictures of you so it'll be good to have some to add to my collection.'

'Boys are hard to buy for,' she admitted. 'Christmas was a disaster...'

'I loved the boxers, it was very thoughtful gift,' he hid his smile in her hair.

'I guess I don't know much about men's underwear...I figured it was like bra sizes and you seem extra large to me...'

'Not around my middle,' he pressed a sloppy kiss to her neck.

'Personally I quite liked the automatic fall down effect,' she pouted.

'Not exactly practical.'

'Well no.'

'So listen,' he turned him self around so they were sprawled haphazardly on the bed facing each other. 'I hate hearing you doubt how much I love you. How much I fricking worship the ground you walk on. The truth is I won't be walking away from this, from you. It would take an awful lot to turn me away, and in all likelihood it would be about me and not you. I trust you. I literally trust you with all of me, that I am the most important person to you. I don't worry about Dawson anymore. I'm not bothered because you've made me feel that you love me more than anything. I want you to feel the same. What am I not doing here?'

'That's the thing Pace, you do everything. Everything makes me feel that way and I just love you. I love you so much and generally speaking I don't get to keep the things I love. They die, or they leave and the thought of losing you...it just makes me feel so panicked and so I'm always mentioning it so I'm prepared if it happens. As much as I can be. I figure maybe I get left behind because I'm not worth staying for,' she shrugged a little.

'Don't you say that. Jo, I can honestly say, that I'm certain you are it for me. I'm done falling in love. Whatever happens you're it for me.'

'How are you so sure?' she frowned.

'Because for me, everything I do is in an effort to make you happy. I want your happiness more than I want my own. That's the only important thing and I know, I know that if that meant Dawson, or being alone, or even moving to Paris, well I'd want that for you. I would hate it, might even die of a broken heart, but that's how I know.'

He stared at her and she had no words that did justice to anything that was going through her mind, the jumble of thoughts and emotions too complex to extrapolate into actual words and so she threw herself at him, hugging him tightly, kissing him everywhere, before pressing her head against his chest and finding the innocent relief and comfort she'd always found in his arms.


	36. Chapter 36

**Thanks everyone for the reviews. Malin I appreciate you reviewing, and the motivation even if you say the same thing :-) it lets me know people are still enjoying it so thank you! I know I beg for reviews, I do, but they mean I'm getting it right still, so please review even if only a one word review;-)**

**This chapter broaches the fact that college is on the horizon...**

**Chapter 36**

'Oh how surprising, you two entangled on the couch again. You do have a room you know Pace,' Gretchen rolled her eyes but her tone was teasing and good natured rather than pissed.

'Sorry Gretchen,' Joey mumbled tugging at her clothes to ensure they were all in place and pushing Pacey away somewhat.

'Oh it's ok. You're both wearing all your clothes this time and I'm not being faced with any of Pacey's nakedness, so really it's all good.'

'In our defence you were apparently staying in Boston with Dawson that night,' Pacey jumped up from the couch and moved into the kitchen with his sister picking up a glass and holding it up to Joey who nodded.

'Well apparently my boyfriend doesn't have the same urge for alone time that you two have,' Gretchen muttered under her breath.

'Ok, so firstly the thought of you and Dawson having alone time is just...Mmm...yuck. Secondly, if you insist upon dating my best friend, the one both Jo and I are trying to rekindle some sort of friendship with, well you can't expect me to like any comment on the status of your sex life.'

'We don't have a sex life Pace, that's the truth,' Gretchen grinned at the way Pacey winced slightly at the words "sex life."

'Well I for one am glad,' he stated grandly as he filled two glasses with water and put them on the coffee table before flopping back beside Joey.

'You shouldn't be glad,' Joey nudged his shoulder. 'Dawson could do worse than your sister and your sister could do worse than Dawson.'

'I still find it surprising, but comforting, that you are entirely ok with this,' he stared at her.

'I still find it surprising that you're not,' she smirked.

'It's _my_ sister,' he gestured to Gretchen who was still standing in the kitchen but was smiling at Joey, who was rolling her eyes at Pacey. 'My bitingly sarcastic, cynical sister...'

'Who are you more worried about in this scenario, me or Dawson?' Gretchen scoffed, 'because I assure you that my cynicism can deal with his eternal optimism.'

'That's why they work,' Joey put in,

'I don't understand,' Pacey took a long sip of his water.

'What attracts us to Dawson is what attracts Gretchen to him.'

'Exactly Joey,' Gretchen flopped down next to Joey on the couch, pushing her closer to Pacey. She curled into him and snuck a hand up his t-shirt and squeezed the flat warmth of his stomach.

'You know Jo, Gretch made a great point - I have a room here...shall we...'

'No Pacey,' Joey chided. 'We can't just disappear off the whole time to your room...it looks crass.'

'Crass?' he turned to her half offended. 'Crass? Wanting to be alone isn't crass it's normal.'

'My brother makes a point which is why I'm beginning to have second thoughts about Dawson and I. I understand he's going through a lot with Mr Brooke's and everything but really, between us, I need a little more.'

'So take him out,' Joey suggested. 'Why don't we all go on a double date together tonight, give him a bit of moral support and then we'll make a subtle exit...'

'Sorry Joey,' Gretchen burst out laughing, 'but no exit you and my brother make is all that subtle, what with your hands everywhere and that ridiculously loved up look in your eye...'

'Well fine,' Joey blushed, 'we'll make a less than subtle exit and go to the boat, that way you guys can have the house.'

'And that's not crass?' Pacey all but burst out, 'freeing up the house so my sister can make out...or God...worse with Dawson?'

'With her boyfriend,' Joey clarified patting his cheek dismissively.

'You guys would do that?' Gretchen asked.

'Of course we would,' Joey said at the same time as Pacey muttered,

'Kill me now.'

'Thanks little bro,' Gretchen kicked his leg under Joeys which were perched on the coffee table.

'Any time,' he kicked back.

* * *

'Crass!' Pacey stated yet again staring at her.

'Pace, you know what I meant,' she rolled her eyes dismissively.

'But crass? Wanting to be close all the time doesn't make us crass.'

'Well what does it make us?' she asked pointedly, 'I mean what's the word you would use to describe the fact that we're constantly disappearing to your bedroom, my bedroom, the boat, the boiler room and everywhere else for sex?'

'I'd say...it makes us in love,' he smiled widely but she just laughed,

'The in love bit doesn't have constant sex as a prerequisite.'

'No, but it doesn't hurt,' he stepped up close and pressed his lips to her neck.

'I think crass is a nice term compared to what I could have said.'

'What could you have said?' he trailed kisses down to her shoulder, before sucking softly on the pulse point on her neck and then nipping her ear lobe.

'Horny...' she angled her neck.

'Not embarrassed about that - look at you,' he slid his fingers under her t-shirt.

'Lust-addled,' she offered up us his hands smoothed up her sides.

'Hmmm, again that's true and doesn't intimate something wrong with it the way crass does...'

'You're a doofus Pace,' her voice had become breathy as she stepped closer to him.

'Why?' she felt his smile against her neck.

'It's only crass if we sneak out the second anyone comes in a room we previously had to ourselves...'

'Ok, I concede your point,' he pushed his hands down the back of her jeans and panties and onto her bare ass, whereupon he squeezed her butt cheeks.

'You concede my point?' she arched a brow.

'It may be crass but sometimes I don't care. I relish the act of being crass.'

'Really?' she laughed as he rather clumsily pushed them onto the bed, Joey falling onto the mattress and him landing on top of her, his lips finding hers in a heated kiss.

'Hmm,' he moaned. At the banging on the door they continued kissing,

'Dawson is here guys, so remove your lips from her ass Pace and get out here,' Gretchen yelled through the door.

'My lips are on hers Gretch,' Pacey yelled back.

'Moot point,' she bashed again, 'we're going now.'

'Come on Pace,' Joey pressed a quick kiss to his lips, but he immediately deepened it.

'Now,' Gretchen had opened the door and several balled socks landed on them. The two of them broke apart and looked to the door where both Gretchen and Dawson were stood smirking,

'I told you you need ammunition,' Dawson said smugly, though he didn't make eye contact with Joey. Joey had observed that he didn't really look at her much any more. It hurt because he was once her best friend and she hated that falling in love had cost her that. The truth was that with Pacey, she didn't need Dawson quite as she once had but that didn't mean she didn't need him at all. Both she and Pacey needed his optimism just as he'd always needed their cynicism.

'Come on you two,' Gretchen threw one last balled up pair of socks which hit Pacey on the forehead and Joey laughed spontaneously.

'Ok, ok, way to kill the mood Gretch,' he muttered climbing off Joey and the bed.

'My pleasure,' Gretchen smirked as Pacey held out a hand to Joey and they all left.

* * *

'You know Gretch, I didn't think we'd double date until we were in our late twenties, and certainly not with these two,' he nodded to his girlfriend and her boyfriend.

'Pacey, knowing you as an eight year old boy I didn't think we'd ever double date because I didn't think you'd ever have a girlfriend.'

'He was cute when he was eight,' Joey defended.

'Clearly you don't remember the bogey eating,' Gretchen shook her head dramatically.

'Well at least he wasn't a farter like your boyfriend,' Joey teased, thrilled by Dawson's dark red blush,

'Thanking you for that Joey,' Dawson muttered, but he had a smile, especially when Gretchen laughed,

'Oh my god, you two must have been delightful. Why did you hang around with them Joey?'

'I think mainly because they were the only two kids who'd hang around with me,' Joey stated with a dismissive shrug of her shoulders.

'Hey,' both Pacey and Dawson protested in sync.

'They both have some redeeming qualities I suppose,' she conceded with a trademark eye roll.

'We're all well aware of the redeeming qualities my brother seems to have in your eyes,' Gretchen said with heavy insinuation.

'I love him for more that just that. I mean he's sweet and loyal and funny and smart and a complete heart on his sleeve, happy go lucky, underdog,' Joey waxed and then hid her face.

'Awww I love you too,' Pacey patted her head, a huge grin on his face.

'I'm glad Pacey has found someone who appreciates him for being the unique creature that he is,' Gretchen said and Dawson laughed,

'But we do have to wonder how you'll both cope if college manages to separate you,' Dawson asked kindly.

'Ah, well you see my friend there will be no separation. I go where she goes,' Pacey said simply.

'It's not that simple,' Joey protested.

'It is,' Pacey insisted.

'What if you get financial aid from a New York school and I get financial aid from Boston? We aren't exactly in a position to refuse aid,' she frowned.

'I've told you before Jo, I only want to be with you.'

'Joey's right,' Dawson stated surprising them both. 'Pacey you deserve to go somewhere great. You can't give that up if Joey wants to go somewhere different.'

'I'm not planning on giving up anything. I'd pay to stay near her.'

'That's crazy. I know you love each other but this is high school. College is the rest of your life.'

'And would that be true if she was your girlfriend? The soulmate?' Pacey asked and Dawson rolled his eyes,

'Yes it would. You have both worked so hard and you both deserve to go somewhere great but the chances of the same city offering you both the financial aid you need, let alone the same institution are few and far between.'

'Why are we talking about this?' Joey asked, 'nothing says a fun evening like talking about the impending separation and destruction of all we hold dear.'

'I'm not trying to be a cynic,' Dawson stated carefully. 'Just a realist.'

'And since when has realism been your thing? I thought it was optimism,' Joey asked.

'I stopped being the optimist a while ago. Not everything turns out the way we expect - it's not necessarily worse or better, just different,' Dawson shrugged.

'Whatever the realities, whatever we both deserve, I don't think I could be a success without this girl and I really don't care to be where she isn't. Financial aid means nothing if I can't study, and I need Joey for that. I need her for everything really,' he took her hand under the table.

'As someone older and wiser, who's taken a bit of a beating at the hands of life, I'd say that I think my little brother is right. Being happy is more important than being rich. That said I think you're young. You guys may be crazy in love but there are a lot of experiences and people out there. You shouldn't limit your experiences for each other,' Gretchen stated.

'Why does it feel like everyone is suggesting we break up?' Pacey asked, his brow furrowed.

'Oh I'm not. You aught to hang onto that girl until you're old and grey,' Gretchen stated, 'I just think you aren't really considering how much of an impact new experiences and people can have. Boys will try it on with her. Constantly. You're my brother so you're quite frankly not my type, but I imagine all six foot three of you will appeal to the odd girl or two.'

'I'm not interested in other girls,' Pacey's frown grew.

'They're not coming onto you right now. You're here, always attached to your girlfriend but at college it's different. Bigger campus, bigger classes. It's not common knowledge if someone has a significant other. You can't be permanently attached. Joey's studying English, you're doing pre law. Aside from prerequisites you're not in contact.'

'I don't like this conversation,' Joey stated. 'We don't even know where we're going yet. We haven't heard from anywhere and when we do we can worry. Besides which, just because someone comes onto us doesn't mean we have to do anything with that.'

'But what if you want to?' Gretchen was apparently enjoying her role as Devils advocate.

'Why would we want to?' Pacey asked confused.

'Because it's exciting, because sex with a new person is interesting. Because of the opportunity.'

'I think you have a very jaded view of the world,' Pacey glared at his sister.

'Really,' she laughed slightly sarcastically.

'Sex with Joey is exciting. Sex is interesting and I have opportunity to be new and creative with her. It's also close and intimate, and it's always, always good. I know she's mine. She knows I'm hers. What do I want sex with a stranger for? I don't think I could love anyone more so really, what do I care if some girl comes onto me? She might be pretty, or even funny, clever, witty, but she isn't Joey so I'm not interested.'

'You know how to say the right thing Pace,' Joey said simply but squeezed his hand hard and shot him a look heaped with affection.

'I think you're both being naive.'

'And what do you think Dawson?' Joey asked.

'I think...' he looked between the three of them, 'I understand where Pacey is coming from, I do. You guys are very, very together. You're each other's best friends, you're everything to each other. But sometimes someone else can come to mean the same and then it's all over. Almost in an instant,' he looked down at the table and Joey realized he was talking about them. That once she'd been everything to him and for a while she'd thought he was everything to her, but then Pacey waltzed into the picture and really she hadn't wanted Dawson any longer, and all she'd felt for him evaporated and was replaced with deep, deep love for Pacey. She really didn't have anything to say.

'I think we should go Pace,' she stood up fighting back tears and left, sensing Pacey at her back.

* * *

They walked in silence through the dark, rainy night, Pacey's arm around her shoulders.

'Can we have a drink tonight?' she asked as they neared the boat. 'I really, really want to open that bottle of wine we have, the one we picked up in South Carolina but lost and then found. I know if I get drunk you won't have sex but I really need to get drunk.'

'We don't have to always have sex Joey, and if you're upset you can talk to me, rather than drinking. Remember the whole drinking doesn't solve our problems thing?'

'I don't think we have the problem,' she admitted, 'I hate everyone telling us we can't stay together, we won't stay together, we're naive, things change... I hate that they're right.'

'Huh?'

'Dawson was talking about us. About he and I and how we used to be so sure of our friendship, of how we felt and then you wormed your way into my heart and everything changed.'

'Did it?' he asked. 'Did it change that day our hug evolved, or was it that day I came to warn you about your dad when we were twelve? I mean maybe I've always been in your heart. Maybe I always will be. Maybe I was there first and Dawson was the passing fancy.'

'That might all be true but they're all right. We probably won't make it. Most high school romances die a dismal death as one or the other person cheats - emotionally or physically.'

'I would never cheat on you,' Pacey stated vehemently.

'And I wouldn't cheat on you, but the thing is Pace, what if you want to? What if there's a girl, and she's funny, and quirky, interesting, pretty and sexy and new...exciting and different to me and you wonder? You don't have to cheat for it to be over, you just have to want to cheat enough that you end it.'

'I can't promise to never look at another girl. You can't promise a guy is never gonna cross your path. I mean you, you're gorgeous, and me, well I guess I'll do. You're right that there will be temptation, but so what. That's life. I love you. The thought of you gives me butterflies and I get all excited at the thought of seeing you. Sometimes when you kiss me I have to catch my breath because I can't actually believe it's real, that I got that lucky. So I might look at another girl and she might be funny and quirky, interesting, pretty, sexy and new, but she won't be you.'

'I really hope we get into the same place,' she pressed her head to his.

'Well we'll hear soon,' he squeezed her hand.

'Can we still get drunk, be young and stupid and at least fool around?' she asked.

'We'll fool around during your first glass, but on your second we talk.'

'Fine,' she rolled her eyes as they climbed on board.

'I love you Joey. Don't doubt how much.'

'I love you too,' she murmured and kissed him. 'Now switch the heater on and find the wine. I'll be waiting in bed naked.'

'Deal,' he grinned.

* * *

Joey opened her eyes reluctantly. She didn't want to be awake but she was and her head hurt, her mouth tasted like smelly socks and she needed to pee.

'Morning sleepy head,' Pacey smiled at her looking every bit his chipper self.

'Mmm,' she mumbled and rolled away from him and out if bed before heading to the boat toilet, peeing and then brushing her teeth. She stared at her reflection and realized she didn't look quite as bad as she felt. Returning to bed she glared at Pacey,

'How come you don't seem to feel as bad as I do?'

'You had two glasses of wine and then stole my second when I went to the bathroom.'

'Ugh, I'm sorry.'

'Don't be. You were hysterical. Cute and funny and you,' he said easily.

'I seem to remember trying to convince you to sleep with me,' she moaned into her pillow before looking at him.

'I had a great time,' he grinned widely and patted her duvet covered behind.

'But you didn't give in,' she pouted.

'Nope,' he popped the p.

'I'm proud of you Pace, I'm pretty sure I was very insisted.'

'Oh you were utterly gorgeous frauline. I was a wreak. You completely tested all my powers of good boyfriendness, but then you were sick and it was easier...'

'Because I'm so disgusting,' she pouted yet again,

'No because it proved how entirely intoxicated you were and how incredibly wrong it would be to have sex when you were probably mostly unaware. You're always gorgeous. You also fell asleep,' he grinned and got out of bed.

'Where are you going?' she asked in a pathetically forlorn voice, so pitiful he laughed again,

'To get you some tablets for your head, a cup of coffee and some toast.'

'Oh I love you,' she re snuggled under the covers until he returned. 'I'm sorry I got so drunk,' she nibbled her toast and slurped her coffee.

'You seemed to need a release of some kind,' he looked at her and she knew he wanted something of an explanation.

'The thing is Pace, I'm a cynic. You know that and I know that. We've never really believed that good things will happen, that our hard work will pay off, anything really. So why do we get to be optimistic about us? We're so sure everything will be ok, and what if Dawson and Gretchen are right? What if everyone is thinking how stupid we are to think we'll stay together?'

'Since when have you and I cared much about what everyone else thinks?' he offered but she frowned.

'We've always acted like we don't care but we do,' she said and he nodded,

'Ok. Fine, we do care, but let's just prove them all wrong.'

'What if they're not wrong?' she asked putting down her coffee and toast plate beside the bed and looking at him.

'I know they are,' he told her simply, pulling her against his chest.

'But there are girls who are prettier than me, less irritating, more light hearted...I mean you could do better Pace,' she looked up at him and brushed a thumb across his cheek bone, surprised to find him laughing,

'No I couldn't,' he shook his head. 'Really Joey, you have no idea. Even when we're fighting, or disagreeing, or you're in a mood that I just don't understand, I want you and no one else.'

'Good,' she twisted in his arms until she could press her lips to his.

'I say we ignore everyone and just concentrate on us,' he kissed her gently.

'I'm good with that,' she stared at him, feeling her insides twist pleasantly at the look in his eyes. 'Pace...'

'Yeah?' his voice was deep with a husky quality that went straight between her legs,

'Wasn't I naked last night?'

'I thought you'd...um...be more comfy in a pair of boxers and my t-shirt,' he offered as she straddled his lap, elated at the fact that from the simple look they'd shared he was hard for her.

'Not really,' she peeled off the t-shirt feeling his hands on her waist, trailing up behind the hem of the t-shirt until they were wrapping around her breasts. She'd always thought they were too small but Pacey made them feel just right, especially when he wrapped his lips around her right nipple causing her body to shift on his hard cock, which felt amazing, though there were definitely still too many clothes between them. 'Take off your clothes Pace,' she growled, but he just shook his head, creating a soft tug on her chest, his morning stubble rubbing against the sensitive skin and causing her insides to swoop. 'Take them off Pace,' she hissed and tugged at his t-shirt pulling it all the way up until he had no choice but to help her remove it. 'Boxers to,' she swung herself off him and pushed off the boxers she was wearing. 'Feel,' she took his hand and pushed it between her legs, sighing as his fingers pushed inside of her, his thumb brushing determinedly up her clit.

'You're so wet,' he groaned.

'Hmm,' she pushed his hand away, loving his grunt of protest, but she was pushing him back, and climbing on top of him. She took hold of his cock and rubbed her hand up and down his length, brushing her thumb over the tip, and the she used her hand to brush it along the wetness that ached for him.

'Joey,' his fierce growl turned her on and she released her hand and sank down onto him. 'Oh fuck baby,' his hands ran down her back and to her ass, then he sunk his hand lower to feel where they were connected, but only for a second as she rocked her body on top of him, pushing down hard and fast repeatedly until her orgasm rolled through her. Blissful and ecstatic she pressed her lips to his and then rolled them over, so he could push into her body. Despite her lead of hard and fast Pacey apparently wanted to go slow, and traditional, moving between her legs in the missionary position, pushing in deeply and out slowly, his body rubbing against her clit until her body began to build again, and her legs were wrapped around him. Without warning he pushed himself onto his knees dragging her with him so that she was fully upright, her legs around his waist, his hands firmly on her hips and ass, driving her up and down on his cock, until her body exploded, traitorously before his, but a beautiful feeling that extended from where they were joined to the tips of her toes and fingers. As she moaned his hips bucked and his hands helped her rock until he was crying out and pulling her firmly onto him, so he was fully embedded inside of her as he came. 'Fuck,' he whispered into the skin of her neck, his breathing ragged. He lay her back on the bed, lying on top of her and still inside of her.

'If you'd only given in we could have done that last night,' she murmured sleepily.

'But then I'd have missed out on...' he lowered his head and whispered in her ear clearly delighted with her blush. 'And...' he whispered again. 'And you weren't even drunk at that point. The serenading was gorgeous, and the attempted striptease when you were already naked...'

'Oh shut up.'

'You love me,' he grinned.

'You bug me,' she clarified, the lines well used but apt.


	37. Chapter 37

**Hey all,**

**Thanks to those who reviewed. I'm going to be honest, not many reviewed the last chapter and I was plagued with self-doubt, to the point of re-reading it three times to check it. I apparently really need the reviews, so please, please do so. I'll admit it I'm a review junkie...as addicted to them as I am to coffee... Besides which I'm getting on a plane soon and it'll be hours before I can check if I've had reviews- just imagine my happy face:-):-):-) if I have lots waiting! One word will do - just feedback!**

**Thanks Tab:-)**

**Chapter 37**

'I'm here,' Pacey announced somewhat theatrically from the doorway to Joey's bedroom.

Joey who was lying on her bed surrounded by books looked to the doorway and smiled her welcome. After a week, where by happenstance Joey and Pacey had spent every night together either at his place or the boat, Bessie had lost it. She'd maintained that Joey was officially still a child and it was bad enough that she'd be leaving for college soon, and that until school was over five out of every seven nights had to be spent at the B&amp;B. Joey wasn't entirely proud of her incredibly teenage response, but had acquiesced - mainly because Pacey, unwilling to spend much more than a night apart, even sneaking in after Joey had been hanging out with Jen, spent five nights out of every seven at the B&amp;B as well. Neither said anything to Bessie but they didn't hide it either and Bessie, for her part, grudgingly produced an extra mug of coffee at breakfast.

'So I see,' Joey laughed softly because he did have a way of bringing up the mood.

'What cha doing?' he lay beside her knocking off several of the books on the bed in the process.

'Pacey,' she complained, reaching over him to retrieve the fallen treasures.

'Joey,' he mimicked her tone and did a girly huff.

'You know it's not attractive in any way when you do that,' she told him dryly.

'But it's a little bit funny, right?' he nudged her shoulder, deliberately too hard so she knocked against the books on her other side, sending a couple to the floor.

'You can leave,' she glared at him.

'Nah, I think I should stay,' he pulled a book towards himself and opened it up and began to read, effectively ignoring her which Joey hated.

'Hey,' she pushed the book shut and looked at him expectantly,

'I was reading that,' he somehow managed to sound indignant.

'A kiss first would be nice.'

'I'm in,' he said and somehow managed tug her arm from under her so she landed on her back amid the piles of books and he could roll on top of her and kiss her senseless.

'I meant a kiss hello,' she rasped when he finally released her lips.

'That _was_ my hello kiss,' he grinned down at her. With an effective tug to the back of his neck he was kissing her again, a long languid kiss that had them both making small noises of contentment. At length they broke apart and Joey smiled up at him,

'Work now,' she ordered and he nodded,

'More kissing later?' he asked confidently and she nodded,

'If we want to go on the class trip, for my own mental sanity we need to get everything done.'

'I can't believe Gale let all of us take the same weekend off,' Pacey rolled off Joey, allowing her to turn over, as he leaned over and nabbed some paper and a pen from the floor.

'Any mail?' Joey asked and Pacey shook his head,

'Maybe my dads hiding them,' he offered weakly.

'I'm pretty sure your dad wouldn't do that - I mean he's a cop and that would be a federal offence,' Joey frowned.

'You only got your Boston university letter yesterday, and who knows - maybe I didn't get in.'

'Or maybe you got in and got the financial aid I didn't.'

'You don't want to go to Boston anyway,' he pointed out.

'Neither do you,' she shrugged, 'and I guess with loans and massive debt maybe I could do Boston University. I don't know. I just hope we hear from Harvard.'

'I know Jo,' he smiled indulgently at her, 'the Ivy League dreams.'

'It's not a dream Pace. We have to believe we can do it. Getting into Harvard will only ever help you when it comes to law school, and if you decided you don't want to do that, well it'll be an excellent platform for anything...'

'You sound like the guidance counsellor,' he smirked.

'Well maybe, though don't forget two years ago when someone talked about you having an aptitude for law enforcement, they meant cop. Now they mean lawyer. You've done good Pace, and the colleges will all want you.'

'I just can't associate me and Ivy League. I mean for years I was flunking everything, I didn't work, and I didn't have success. What right do I have to any of this? Maybe this little patch of success is a fluke? I mean Pre-law, Joey? I mean I know we talked it through and I thought and thought, and I liked the idea of it, but what if I don't want to be a lawyer. Me a lawyer? I'm not going to work for big business and I don't want to handle divorces and wills...I mean maybe I should just go to culinary school and be a happy chef?' he looked at her with wide panicked eyes so she sat up and waited for him to follow suit before taking his hands.

'Pace,' she leaned forward and hugged him impulsively, before sitting back up, 'you be who you want to be, and yes be happy. Pre law isn't a conscript - you can change your post grad dreams, and your college courses accordingly. Get a college degree, _if you want_, and then be whatever will make you happiest.'

'I do want to go to college. I like being smart Jo, I like the way it's changed how people treat me. I hate it to though, because even when I wasn't doing well at school I was still the same person.'

'Stop panicking,' she ordered and picking up his hand placed it on her boob in an effort to calm him. 'Deep breaths Pace. Let's get all the college letters in and look at the options. I have no strongly held convictions about what you should or shouldn't do. I want Ivy League. I've always wanted that, but if you want culinary school and to forget college altogether that is your decision and I'll support you entirely.'

'Thank you,' he breathed out slowly, 'I do want to go to college,' he squeezed her boob affectionately, 'but I feel I may have got slightly carried away in my thinking with the law thing. I'll be honest Jo, I'm not sure I could take the lawyer life style. I always figured I'd be doing something to help people, or you know - make them smile.'

'But as you said, you never considered a lot of things. There's still plenty of time to change your mind. Let's get into college, and make a decision. You don't have to study law. You're smart enough you can do anything.'

'As are you,' he pointed out.

'But I'm a narrow candidate. I only want the arts,' she shrugged.

'Talking of the arts, do you know what I thought the other day?' he asked looking happier.

'What?'

'I'd really love to play the guitar. I bet I haven't got a musical bone in my body but I'd love a guitar.'

'You're a strange boy Pacey Witter,' she pecked his nose.

'I could serenade you,' he offered.

'Let's do our work Pace.'

'Seriously, maybe I could even write you songs. I mean I've never played a guitar but loads of people pick them up and just figure it out, right?'

'You'd write me songs?' she abandoned the book she'd picked up and looked at him.

'Yeah, tons of songs,' he gave her an impish grin surprised when she closed the distance between them and kissed him.

'I'll get you a guitar now let's work,' she kissed him again.

'Yes ma'am,' he gave her a mock salute.

* * *

'What are we even arguing about Joey?' Pacey grumped in frustration, his arms swinging around wildly.

'I saw you with that girl. I know what she was offering,' Joey glared at him.

'It's hardly my fault if another girl offers me sex. It's not a problem either because I refused. If I'd been even remotely interested _then_ it would have been a problem.'

'But she thought you'd say yes. You must be giving off a vibe that you want it or something,' Joey stated obstinately, unable to see past her jealousy fuelled rage.

'Of course I'm giving off a goddamned vibe. I do want sex, _with you_, nearly constantly because I love and adore you and I'm thinking about you the whole damn time.'

'Well that's easy to say,' she practically hissed,

'Because it's true Joey. You know I'm not interested in anyone but you. In actual fact I think I'm the one that should be pissed about the fact that you could even think that!' he threw up his hands in frustration flopping onto the armchair in their room for the senior class trip.

'No, no, no, you don't get to turn this around onto me. I go to the bathroom Pacey. I'm gone all of thirty seconds and when I return there's some bikini clad babe trying to plant her ass on your lap.'

'Trying,' he yelled loudly. 'Trying and not succeeding.'

'Well what made her think she could try?' Joey buried her head in her arms.

'You really want to know?' he asked and she looked up.

'Yes,' she nodded.

'I was sat staring at where you'd been as you walked off and the girl happened to be a little further away, I didn't even see her until she accosted me. I was staring after you and wondering whether I might be able to convince you into a little hot tub nookie after everyone else cleared out. Then I got to imagining said nookie, and well then I must have smiled because I liked the thought of all those bubbles and the thought of you hot and naked, your skin steaming in the cold air. I liked the thought of pulling you into my lap, but really pulling you down onto me. I mean we'd have to be careful because someone might discover us and I fingered that might pass for you sitting on my lap...'

'Pacey, it didn't happen,' she rolled her eyes, her anger lessening.

'But it did in my head, as I sat there watching the space where you'd walked away and I guess maybe I looked a little hot and bothered...but it was because of you,' he looked at her with those eyes of his, all deep and sincere and she melted faster than butter in a hot pan,

'Oh ok,' she said at last, 'fine. It wasn't your fault the bikini clad girl was trying to sit on you.'

'Thank you,' Pacey was elated with his success at defusing a jealous Joey. 'Remind me never to make you deliberately jealous ever.'

'I don't know whether it's a bad thing every now and then, because now all I want to do is claim you as mine,' she stared at him in a predatory way.

'That's good right?' he asked with a slight catch to his voice.

'We'll see I guess,' she shrugged a little before clambering a little awkwardly onto his lap and curling up into him. His arms tightened around her and she pressed a soft kiss to his chest. At length she pushed away, 'now move and sit on the edge of the bed,' she looked at him expectantly until he did as she said. 'I'm not going to indulge your poorly timed hot tub fantasy Pacey...'

'You're not?' the smallest of pouts graced his lips but she shook her head despite the desire to kiss that small plumpness.

'No, I'm not,' she stared at him.

'Am I still in trouble?' he asked uncertainly.

'You're not in trouble if you did nothing wrong,' she told him simply.

'Then I'm not in trouble,' he clarified.

'I don't like what she did though,' Joey shook her head, 'I mean you're mine and I'm pretty territorial you know...'

'You practically scratched her eyes out,' Pacey looked inordinately pleased.

'Like I said, you're mine and if anyone is going to be sitting on your lap when scantily clad, it's me.'

'Mmm,' he nodded, watching as she pushed off her pants and shucked off her sweater and top. His hands reached for her as she sat on his lap in her underwear. 'You can sit on me naked as well,' he offered, his voice deep and husky, his breath warm against her skin as his fingertips trailed across her body.

'I could,' she agreed with a smile and stood to shimmy out of her panties and bra before sitting back on his lap, her back to his chest.

'God Jo,' his breath was heavy as one hand snaked to cup her boob and the other travelled between her legs, his thumbs brushing both her nipple and her clit in a synchronized motion. Her breath caught and she let out a moan, a sound that rose above the crackle of the fire. 'You like that, huh,' he applied a little more pressure and rubbed his thumb in a tight, slow circle which he knew made her body go crazy. His hand on her boob squeezed lightly, as he rolled her nipple gently, again an art he'd perfected that played into what she liked.

'Pacey,' she moaned his name and he pressed a warm kiss to her ear lobe, loving how her whole body jolted, especially when he did it at the same time as using his thumbs against her clit and nipple. 'Oh god,' she groaned, as he pushed two fingers up into her slick entrance, pumping them in and out as he continued the torturous pleasure with his thumb. Without warning she pushed herself off his lap and his hands fell from on and inside her body and he grunted in protest, but then she was looking at him with heavy lidded eyes, 'take off your pants,' she managed, 'then sit back down.' He loved her confidence and did as she asked, entirely jubilant when she turned back around and sat back down on him, this time guiding his cock inside of her, both of them groaning softly. 'Fuck,' she breathed, the word from her mouth a total turn on. She took both of his hands in hers and placed them back where they'd been, but this time as he rubbed at her clit, she rocked her body up and down his cock, the whole thing maddeningly exquisite, in fact it was so damn amazing he could feel his orgasm building.

'Fuck baby,' he hissed, increasing the speed of his thumb in an attempt to push her over the edge with him. Joey heeded his need and within seconds she came, crying out his name blissfully, as the sensations rippled through her body, tipping him over the edge until he was rasping words of love into her ear, his hips still bucking up towards her as he rode out the end of his orgasm.

She pressed her back against his chest, her neck tilted so her head rested against his shoulder and she sighed a deep sigh of contentment.

'Mmm, that was fun,' she reached an arm up so she could put her hand in his hair.

'God I like doing it like that with you,' he half stuttered, his voice unbearably sexy.

'Ditto,' she said simply.

'I'm sorry you were upset,' he said at length.

'And I'm sorry if I overreacted just slightly. Not that I'm saying I did, but you know maybe I could have been a little more rational than I was...'

'I think you're formidable when you're jealous and I love it,' he interrupted with a smile, a smile that fell from his face at the banging on the door to their room.

'Stop fornicating and open the door,' Jen sing songed.

'We need your mini bar,' Jack called.

'And your toilet to throw up in,' Jen yelled and then there was a thump as she presumably landed against the door.

'Please let us in,' Jack begged.

'Give us thirty seconds,' Pacey called back as Joey wriggled off of him and grabbed a pair of his boxers and the t-shirt he'd been wearing earlier and pulled them on. Smiling at the sight he simply pulled on a tank and some pants, after all the fire had made the room warm enough. He kissed her quickly and rubbed a thumb across her cheek before Joey opened the door and welcomed in their drunk friends.

'Oh god it's nice to see you Joey. You have to stop Jack and I from making out. My ankle hurts and I'm sad, and we kissed and that's so not a good idea.'

'That's _so_ not a good idea. Neither is raiding our mini bar,' Joey grinned at Jen, and helped her over to the chairs in front of the fire. 'Let me get you water, some food and then you can tell me your woes.'

'I wouldn't call them woes exactly, I mean Jack's a good kisser, but really, my gay best friend?'

'So as you heard Pace, I kissed Jen, which is monumentally stupid because she's my best friend and I'm gay,' Jack told Pacey theatrically and the others laughed. 'Seriously Jen, I wish I could be with you. Life would be much simpler.'

'But it's far better to be true to who you are,' Pacey told him gently and he nodded.

'Shame I'm the only gay in the village,' Jack grumbled flopping to the floor in front of Jen's chair as Joey deposited two glasses of water and a bag of chips.

'Not quite,' Joey stated thinking of Doug, and then slapped her hands over her mouth.

'She knows something we don't know,' Jen sing songed.

'She does,' Jack concurred.

'Who's come out to you, you can tell us?' Jen stared at Joey and Joey knew why - whenever faced with honest eyes like Jen's she felt compelled to tell the truth and Jen knew it.

'Not my secret,' she stated hastily hating that she might have broken a promise to Doug so easily.

'Hmm,' Jen stared at them both and so Joey looked away, flopping into the other chair instead.

'She can't tell you so don't bother trying to convince her,' Pacey smiled, flopping to the floor in front of Joey's chair and taking her leg and rubbing it softly, digging his finger tips gently into the muscles sore from skiing.

'But we're drunk and we want to know,' Jen pouted.

'You're going to be in a ton of trouble if they find out you raided the mini bar,' Joey warned unnecessarily, but effectively changing the subject.

'They know that _mom_,' Pacey teased and she glared at him,

'I'm trying to work out how we help them not get in trouble Einstein,' Joey prodded his arm.

'Leave the room trashed and we claim they were in here all night,' Pacey said simply.

'That would work 'cept everyone knows you're almost constantly doing it,'Jack grinned at them both.

'Ah, but we had a fight,' Joey stated dramatically. 'I thought Pacey was flirting with a bikini clad girl and was inconsolable. You, my best girl friend in all the world, rushed to comfort me and help me navigate tricky waters. Meanwhile Jack rushed to aid a distraught Pacey, fearful he was going to lose me forever,' Joey sighed dramatically. 'Thankfully after counselling the two of us through the issue we finally resolved things in the early hours of the morning, whereupon we all fell asleep. You two in the chairs by the fire, Pacey and I entangled on the bed in a sweet and kindly cuddle. Whilst you were here some other irresponsible senior broke into your room and drank all the alcohol from the mini fridge and stole your stash of chocolate Jen.'

'No ones eaten my chocolate,' Jen corrected with a hiccup.

'Yet,' Joey corrected, 'Pace is about to go get it and I'm about to eat it.'

'That's quite the story Potter,' Pacey looked up at her affectionately.

'Denial. If they can't prove it, they can't punish you for it.'

'I love you Jo,' Jen blew kisses to Joey elaborately.

'Since you two are declaring love and all can I now get jealous and ask for really awesome make up sex?' Pacey asked softly, but Joey just flushed and wrapping an arm around his head pressed her hand to his mouth before leaning forward and whispering in his ear, satisfied with his soft barely audible groan.

'Stop all that and get the chocolate Pacey,' Jen pleaded, chucking a pillow at them, which Pacey caught with his left hand and tucked under his bum.

'Alright, alright,' he hauled himself to his feet.

'Be stealthy hun, we don't want anyone to say they saw you entering Jen and Jacks room lest you're landed with responsibility for the mini bar crime.'

'Right, stealth mode on,' Pacey looked shiftily from side to side before rather elegantly forward rolling across the floor towards the door and then rolling to standing before opening the door and looking left and right. Joey felt her cheeks ache from laughing and realized it was only Pacey who ever made her cheeks hurt from laughing too much.

* * *

'Are you alright?' Jen sat down beside Joey, who was staring at the still water from the end of her dock.

'Can't I invite you over after school for no good reason?' Joey asked as Jen sat down beside her.

'We normally go to my house,' Jen shrugged, 'or you go with Pacey.'

'Pacey and I are having a night apart. He's hanging out with Jack and Dawson.'

'So why aren't we having our normal sleepover?' Jen frowned.

'Because I can't think properly at the moment,' Joey admitted, feeling her heart begin to pound in her chest at the thought of admitting to Jen what she had decided to admit.

'What's the matter?' Jen wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

'I think I may have messed up,' Joey admitted softly and blinked back the tears that instantly stung her eyes. 'We've been so careful, you know, but Jen I'm me. I don't get happily ever after. I don't even usually get, happy for right now. I get drama and ruined dreams.'

'How late are you?' Jen asked and Joey looked at her in surprise.

'Just a few days,' she half whispered.

'Does Pacey know?'

'No,' Joey shook her head, 'He assumed I had PMS and that was why I'd been so touchy the last couple of days and when I asked for a girls night I think he took that to mean I had my period.'

'You're on the pill so the chances are minimal,' Jen told her calmly.

'I know,' Joey nodded. 'But we have a lot of sex Jen.'

'That doesn't effect the effectiveness of the pill Joey,' Jen reminded her.

'Pacey is really careful. He won't have sex if I'm drunk or if he thinks there's any chance that the pill might be less effective but I think he forgot last month and so did I,' Joey swiped at an errant tear.

'What do you mean?'

'We went out with Dawson and Gretchen and it was fun for a while. Then both Dawson and Gretchen told us how hard it would be to stay together, how much temptation would throw itself in our way. They both said we were crazy to hope we might both get into the college we wanted, with enough financial aid and actually go. It's not like we don't know it's unlikely to get exactly what we want from the same college, but it felt like they were saying we should give up. I don't want to give up and neither does Pacey.'

'So what happened?' Jen frowned.

'We went back to the boat and I got drunk. I really, really wanted to just be stupid and silly and Pacey didn't mind. I stole his wine, so I was definitely the drunker and I threw up.'

'Oh.'

'I know. Of course in the morning I'm feeling all amorous and Pace is being sweet and gorgeous and I initiate it all. It was all me telling him to take off his clothes, me stripping. Normally he remembers but I guess we both forgot I threw up and we didn't use a condom.'

'Ok, so I understand all that Joey I do, but it's still really, really unlikely.'

'Then why am I late?' Joey looked at her, begging for a plausible explanation.

'Probably stress. We're all stressed Joey, playing the college waiting game, lots of school work, work work as well, thinking about all the changes that are going to happen...'

'Maybe,' Joey wasn't convinced, 'but that just isn't how my life works.'

'Well maybe this time it will be. I don't think you're pregnant Joey,' Jen rubbed her back, 'but there is only one way to know for sure.'

'I can't do a test,' Joey shook her head, 'if I even bought one and Bessie got wind of it I'd be dead.'

'We'll go to planned parenthood,' Jen said easily.

'Then it'll be on my record,' Joey wiped at another tear.

'That you had a pregnancy test? Why would that matter? If you aren't pregnant, which I'm sure you aren't, so what. If you are, well it'll be on your record whatever you decide to do.'

'I should never have had sex. I wouldn't have this horrible problem if I was still a virgin,' Joey pouted as more tears ran down her cheeks.

'If you were still a virgin you wouldn't be as happy as you are. I'm sorry but it's true. There'd be stress in your relationship, you'd not have this wonderful, enjoyable release of tension that you clearly love, and maybe you and I wouldn't be as close as we are.'

'Ok, ok, you're right. I do love sex with Pacey. It's always good and fun and yes it's made us close and happy. I just can't stand the thought of telling him this...'

'Not telling him will only lead to problems,' Jen pointed out.

'Surely I should tell him when I know one way or another,' Joey attempted and then rolled her eyes at Jen's "get serious" look.

'Pacey worships you. He will know pretty soon that something is up, so go and tell him today. You'll feel so much better once you tell him and he's the one supporting you.'

'He's worked so hard Jen, it'll break his heart if I am. He'll think he's screwed up again. His family are so awful to him, his dad labelled him a screw up the day he was born. He's not a screwup but his self esteem is fragile.'

'This isn't his fault,' Jen reminded Joey, 'but it isn't yours either.'

'I can't stand the thought of seeing him blame himself. Which he will.'

'Go see him now,' Jen ordered firmly. 'I'll drive you.'

* * *

Joey opened the door to the beach house, Jen following her inside where the boys, playing video games loudly didn't appear to hear them.

'Boys,' Jen shouted over the general mele, and they all looked up in surprise.

'Hey,' Pacey jumped to his feet, a big smile on his face, and hugged Joey kissing her head.

'How come you girls are crashing our party?' Jack asked with a mock frown.

'We felt like hanging out,' Jen said simply.

'We're really being entirely boring,' Dawson admitted.

'I'm sure the game of truth or dare was only moments away,' Jen mused sarcastically and Dawson laughed,

'Now that you're here, it probably is only moments away.'

'You ok?' Pacey asked Joey who fidgeted nervously. 'I thought you wanted some space?'

'I actually need to talk to you,' she admitted. 'I don't mean to take you away from boy bonding fun, I know it's important but this is too.'

'Did you hear from a college?' he asked, concern all over his face.

'Nothing like that.'

'Your dad?'

'Pace stop trying to guess.'

'Ok, ok,' he held up his hands in mock surrender, 'my room or the beach?'

'Either...actually the beach.'

'Ok,' he grabbed a jacket and took her hand, 'I'll be back soon,' he yelled to the others who looked up, Jack cheekily yelling,

'We knew that - you clearly lack stamina.'

'Haha,' Pacey rolled his eyes as they headed outside, walking along the beach for a bit,

'Here is good,' Joey pulled him to the sand, hoping with every atom of her being that the conversation would be ok, and that in the end it would all be for nothing.

'What's up?' he looked at her and then frowned, 'you're looking all kinds of serious.'

'I...' she faltered, 'I don't know how to say this, I really don't...'

'You're not breaking up with me are you?' he asked, his voice cracking on the words. She looked at him and found him pale and panicked.

'No, no, never,' she rushed to say, taking his hand and holding it tightly.

'Well good. God I nearly had a heart attack,' he looked relieved but still shaken. Joey hated that she was about to deliver stress and upset. Things with Pacey had always been so easy and she didn't relish ruining that. She felt terribly guilty about thrusting grown up reality into their relationship.

'Don't celebrate, you may have one yet,' she stared at their entwined hands. How he managed to have sexy hands was beyond her, but somehow he did.

'What's happened?' all joviality was gone now and he was staring at her intently, waiting for her to ruin his life, or not she hoped.

'I'm late,' the words were barely above a whisper but she was instantly crying once they were out and somehow she was wrapped up tight against his chest as he patted her back, and kissed her hair.

'I'm sorry,' he whispered the words and she sniffed,

'Why?'

'Well I know you're careful about taking the pill so this must be my fault,' he shrugged sadly and her heart sank,

'Pacey, please, please, please can we not assign blame over something that may or may not be a reality. Something, that if it is a reality, is a two person creation. This is no ones fault.'

'We've been careful though? I thought we had,' he pulled her onto his lap and half cradled her so they could look at one another.

'That night we went out with Dawson and Gretchen. I was mad so I got drunk and I was sick. That's the only time I can think of that was less than safe.'

'How late are you?' he asked and she was glad he didn't apologize again.

'Late enough. A week,' she admitted.

'You're normally pretty regular,' he mused thinking. 'Well let's go get a test.'

'What, now?' she stared at him.

'You either are or you aren't and the sooner we know the sooner we can work things out,' he was so calm and rational that she envied him.

'How are you not freaking out?' she asked with wide eyes.

'Well if you're not pregnant things continue, only we'll be more careful. I don't think this stress is good for you. If you are, well, we'll decide what we want to do. I'll not make you make any decision alone, we can debate and dither as much as we need to and I'll support you Joey. If you're pregnant and want an abortion I'll hold your hand. If you want to keep it, well the same deal, except I'll hold the kids hand to. I never thought college was an option Jo and if you're having my baby I'll work and take care of it to support you. I'd do that happily. I like kids and I love you. Whatever happens it'll be ok.'

'Really?' she stared at him, 'you're really this amazing.'

'For now, yeah,' he chuckled softly, 'I may freak out later.' She put her hand over his heart and felt how hard it was racing, an utterly reassuring fact. 'The thing is Jo, freaking out won't change anything, so let's find out what we're dealing with.'

'Ok,' Joey nodded and together they stood and headed for the car.

* * *

'Well?' Joey asked from her cocoon in her bed.

'Negative,' Pacey grinned, 'like the last four.'

'So I'm really not pregnant?' she crawled out of her cocoon to look at him.

'Probably just stress hun,' he offered up shooting the test for the bin in the corner of the room.

'Pace, I peed on that, please don't throw it around.'

'They all sailed straight into the bin,' he said with an easy shrug.

'Oh god, I feel like I got my life back.'

'I don't know, I think a little baby of ours would be really cute,' he sounded wistful but she just shook her head,

'In about ten years a little baby of ours would be cute,' she corrected.

'Sure, sure, but you know if it happens one day a little sooner I won't be distraught,' he took her hand and pulled her from the edge of the bed to his lap.

'You're a strange boy,' she whispered but kissed him.

'You're the one in love with me, so what does that make you?' he arched his eyebrows theatrically.

'Crazy, I think. And lucky.'

'You're not so lucky,' he said self-deprecatingly.

'I thought you'd think I'd ruined your life,' she admitted.

'_You_ wouldn't have done any such thing. Like you said, sex is a team effort. I love you Joey,' he said simply, 'you having my baby just doesn't seem like the worst thing in the world. Of course that would change when it came time to tell my dad.'

'He'd be thrilled,' Joey agreed.

'I'd be his very own loser again.'

'It would be a mistake, but you've never been a loser. That wouldn't make you a loser.'

'I know,' he agreed, 'but dad would think it did.'

'Thank you for staying so calm,' she reiterated.

'You were pretty calm yourself.'

'I feel like a nervous wreck,' she admitted. 'You should get back to Dawson and Jack. They're still at your place, probably Jen too.'

'I want to stay with you.'

'I'm going to be boring and hormonal, go have fun.'

'No,' he shook his head. 'Only if you come too. I'll kick them out early.'

'I'm not in the mood for..._you know_...'

'I'm not surprised,' he laughed, 'I just wanna be near you Jo. Yeah I always want to fuck you senseless, mainly because it's a lot of fun, but I love you and hugging and kissing is pretty nice too.'

'Pretty nice?' she teased and he blushed,

'If you hadn't been ready to have sex I would still be content just hugging and kissing,' he wooed, pulling her close.

'I highly doubt that,' she laughed loudly.

'Ok, so maybe I'd have read all sorts of crap into why you didn't want to but I like to think I wouldn't have applied any pressure,' he attempted.

'Who knows,' she shrugged, 'being with you has always been kind of natural. I guess I always found comfort from your physically and so I was never very scared about the idea of sex with you. Sex with anyone else still a freakish and terrifying context.'

'Well you don't need to worry about that,' he claimed and at her slight frown explained, 'because you're never having sex with anyone other than me.'

'Ah,' she nodded. 'Fine by me.'

'This scare hasn't put you off? Because I would understand...'

'No, it hasn't,' she hastened to reassure him because he had to know how much she adored being close to him that way. In truth, the only time she felt right was with him, but even then, even with the security, the comfort and the familiarity there was still more. She didn't understand how he could fill her with nervous anticipation one minute and make her feel safe the next. Nor did she get how one boy could be so familiar to her and yet be unpredictable and unknown. Pacey as a boyfriend was different to Pacey as her friend and her comfort blanket. He was so many things rolled into one that the thought of spending her entire lifetime with him was utterly appealing.

'So you'll come back to mine?' he smiled at her.

'Yes. But you have to dispose of five pregnancy tests, boxes and instructions on the way. Somewhere Bessie will never find them.'

'Mission accepted,' he saluted her and began gathering the debris.

'Don't forget the bin,' she mimed throwing something into the bin and cheering, much as he'd been doing with the tests.

'So droll Potter, so droll.'

'I try,' she shrugged as he emptied the bin.

'Come on then, let's go see if everything is still standing,' he took her hand.

'We can stop for chocolate right?'

'Now you're sounding like a PMSing Joey!'

'Watch it Witter,' she pouted and hip checked him.

'You watch it, you don't want me to drop a pregnancy test wrapper now do you?' he waggled his eyebrows at her,

'I think if Bessie found it, you'd be castrated. I was only trying to protect you but why bother Huh?'

'Valid point,' he clutched his wares more tightly in his hands. Joey just laughed and kissed his cheek.


	38. Chapter 38

**Thank you so much for reviews everyone - made my day to arrive home and check my email to see so many㈳3. Love it! Please review this chapter and get me over 200 - I'm so happy that a Dawson's story written now, years after the show ended, has nearly 200 reviews - even happier that it's one of mine! THANKS!**

**This chapter has sexiness and angst and all that. It wouldn't be real if they didn't face something tough... **

**Tab:-)**

**Chapter 38**

'What's up with you?' Joey laughed as Pacey dragged her along by their joined hands.

'Nothing,' he turned and grinned at her, before tugging her close and kissing her, 'I just really, really feel like some alone time.'

'If you want to be alone I can go home,' she smirked, deliberately misreading his comment.

'Don't be cruel frauline,' he pouted, 'please, please, please can we go and be really fucking intimate,' he looked at her with puppy dog eyes but she just pressed a kiss to his lips,

'There's no point calling sex "intimate" if you're going to use the word fucking before it.'

'Stop being pedantic, you know how much it turns me on,' he groaned, pressing her against a nearby tree and rubbing up against her to prove his point. A soft sigh escaped her lips at the feel of his hard body pressed against hers, still a thrill even after over a year.

'I wasn't trying to be pedantic. If I was trying to be pedantic I'd point out that being really fucking intimate could imply anything from a serious heart to heart, to you pushing inside of me hard and fast the minute we get home.'

'The second one,' he moaned into her neck where he was placing warm, open-mouthed kisses. 'Definitely. I wanna bend you over the table and fuck you. _Please_,' the description sounded so lewd, but the please on the end was so soft and pleading that she didn't care if he was crude, she just wanted him to follow through on what sounded like a wonderful promise.

'Mmm, ok. On one condition,' she murmured.

'Anything,' he bucked his hips against her, clearly taken with her agreenest to his proposal.

'You make me dinner,' she half whispered as he thrust up against her again,

'Sure, yeah, of course,' he muttered before kissing her leadingly.

'And we make it home,' she laughed into the kiss, 'as much as I want you inside of me, I'll not be caught having sex in public.'

'There's no one around,' he attempted but the sound of a car passing by ruined that argument.

'Let's get home. Gretchen is at work, right?'

'Yeah,' he didn't seem inlined to move and she inhaled sharply at his fingertips skinned the skin at her waist, moving upward until they were tracing the side of her chest. 'You're so gorgeous,' he moaned between kisses, 'and so fucking sexy, sitting there through class, looking like you wouldn't so much as kiss a guy,' he ground against her eliciting a soft moan, 'but really I'm the only one who knows what a dirty little minx you are, and God...'

'Down Pace, we've still got to make it home,' she hushed him, blushing. 'And I'm not dirty...'

'Oh but you are, in a really, really good way. It's a total turn on hun,' he grazed her nipples with his thumbs and she wrapped her hands more tightly round his neck, desperate to wrap her legs around his waist. 'You have a wonderfully dirty mind when it comes to sex and I love it because it means you're relaxed and into it, and because when I called you a prude all those years I couldn't have been more wrong. I love how to everyone else, with the exception of close friends, you seem the absolute skittish kitten about sex but with me you speak your mind and better act on it.'

'Well I'll speak my mind now. Get back to your house and fuck me Pace. Over the table or against the front door, I don't care, I just want you inside of me.'

'Hmm, ok,' he withdrew his hands and grabbed her hand and they hurried the last five minutes in silence, shrouded by sexual tension.

Pacey unlocked the beach house door and dragged a compliant Joey inside dropping his bags and wrapping his arms around her. He kicked the door shut and immediately pressed her against it.

'Feeling amorous or something?' she smiled into the kiss, her tease bringing a smile to his face.

'Always,' he laughed, 'I want to touch you everywhere,' he ran his hands up and under her skirt, dropping them abruptly at the clearing of a throat right behind them, both of them screaming in surprise.

'Maybe wait until I'm gone,' Doug's voice.

'Dougy,' Pacey practically yelped, turning around and shifting Joey in front of him to hide his rather obvious attraction to his girlfriend.

'Yeah, sorry to interrupt,' Doug smirked, 'well I'm not sorry really, you yelped like a little girl Pace.'

'I was about to get very naked, of course I yelped. Besides which, no one is supposed to be home. Gretchen is at work and aside from me, she's the only other person living here.'

'Gretch let me in. Letters arrived for you that I figured you'd want,' he placed four envelopes on the table. 'I don't know whether you two plan on opening them all together, but Joey I called Bessie and there are a similar pile for you.'

'Why do I suddenly not want to go anywhere near them?' Pacey looked at the letters with obvious trepidation, his body still pressed up close to her back, his erection still hard against her ass.

'Because they mean change and it's human instinct to shirk change,' Doug supplied.

'Open them Pace,' Joey urged, moving a little so they weren't quite touching and he could calm down.

'Shouldn't we do that together?' he asked. 'And what if they don't say what we want them to? What then?'

'It'll be ok,' she reassured.

'It will she's right. Have a little faith Pace,' Doug pushed the letters towards Pacey.

'No, with you Joey,' he stated.

'Bessie and I thought you might feel that way. I'll call her and she'll come over.'

'Thank you,' Joey took Pacey's hand and gripped it hard.

* * *

'How much are you freaking out Joey?' Bessie asked as she burst in through the beach house door, immediately taking a seat at the table where the other three were sat.

'Depends on the letters..'

'You've had Boston. Here's what arrived today...' Bessie placed three envelopes similar to Pacey's on the table - Harvard, Columbia and New York.

'So what do we do here Potter?' Pacey asked carefully.

'You open Boston. I honestly don't know what we'll do though. If Boston offered me next to no financial aid, why would they bother offering me a place? And why am I not getting financial aid - it must be obvious that without it I can't go,' she put her hands over her eyes and Pacey rubbed her back,

'Breathe hun, we have all the answers now.'

'We just have to be brave enough to look at them, which is quite frankly easier said than done. Go on, open Boston. If you have the same sorry excuse of a financial aid offer that I did, we may as well accept that we're never going to college, well only Capeside Community College.'

'The triple C would be just fine,' Pacey rolled his eyes.

'There's no Ivy growing on those walls Pace,' she rolled her eyes back,

'Would you guys just cut it out and open the damn letters,' Bessie interrupted, 'I'm dying here.'

'Ok, ok. Boston first,' Pacey picked up the envelope and slit it open with the knife Doug handed him and pulled out the contents. He read and smiled, 'well I got in,' he let out a breath of relief, 'one place we can go together,' he shuffled the papers and for several minutes there was silence, 'decent financial aid,' he sent a cautious look Joey's way but she just breathed deeply, afraid of the tiny knot of jealousy in her belly.

'Well done,' she squeezed his hand because really she was very proud of him. 'What next?'

'We want New York least out of the other two, so New York,' Joey nodded decisively even though she felt sick, not decisive. Bessie handed her the letter from New York and Doug handed Pacey his. Together they opened the envelopes and read.

'I got in,' Joey stated, and Pacey nodded,

'Me too.'

'Can't afford to go,' Joey placed the letter down dejectedly and looked to Pacey,

'Decent,' he looked positively distraught despite getting what he needed.

'It's ok Joey,' Bessie comforted, 'you'll get everything you need from Harvard, I can feel it.'

'Why is nowhere giving me enough financial aid?' Joey could feel tears stinging at her lids, and she had to keep swallowing down the lump in her throat, as she picked up the finance sections from both Boston and New York. 'They say we don't qualify because the business did well last year,' she clarified at length and Bessie snatched the letters from her sister,

'That's just ridiculous.'

'Well I'm not surprised,' she managed to get out, her throat tight and the words strangled. Without another word she opened the letter from Harvard and the one from Columbia, staring at the acceptance's she'd worked her whole life to see. Without looking up she rifled through the Columbia package to the finance section, to see that her "parents" would be expected to pay $14,000 a year. With tears blurring her vision she flicked through Harvard and stared down at the finance section - a whopping $17,000 a year. Everything she'd worked so hard for she'd gotten but it had been all for nothing because she couldn't afford to go.

'I think I need some space,' she managed to half gasp before leaving and heading to the beach. She knew, based on Pacey's letters from New York and Boston, that he'd have a better finance package. He'd been living independently from his parents for a year, or near enough and his wage was so low. He'd be going and she wouldn't. How awfully cruel and ironic it felt. She didn't begrudge him his reward for the hard work he put in, but she couldn't deny she was jealous. Not only had he only started to work half way through junior year, but he hadn't even considered college much before the start of senior year. She was massively jealous that he was going to get everything _she'd_ ever wanted and the most she could hope for was Capeside Community college. She was bitterly disappointed that after all of Pacey's determination to work so they could stay together, she was the reason they'd be separated, because there was no way he'd be able to turn down Harvard. Not when he got to see the look on his dad's face. She was going to be stuck in Capeside, working at Leery's Fresh Fish and living at The B&amp;B. Financially there was no other option. She'd been poor all her life and starting life with massive college debts wasn't something she felt comfortable or able to do.

'Joey,' he'd caught up to her of course.

'I can't speak to you right now,' she turned away from him and kept walking.

'I'm sorry,' he wasn't giving up.

'Sorry?' she turned to him. 'Sorry you got in and got the financial aid so you can actually go? Or sorry that you're leaving me behind?' she couldn't help but sound cross. She wasn't cross at him exactly, but at the world in general.

'I'm sorry things are more complicated...'

'Complicated?' she scoffed at the word, because really, that was a ridiculous term to describe the trashing of a life long dream. 'I can't go. I can't go _anywhere_ I wanted. I don't get to leave Capeside. I get nothing and you...you get everything.'

'Jo, I'm not going without you,' he said it as though it were the most obvious thing in the world.

'_Yes_ you are. You are going and you are going to leave me behind. You don't get a free ride to Harvard and not go, it just isn't done. You have to go. It's _Harvard_ and it's what you wanted. I know that.'

'And if this were reversed would you go?'

'If this were reversed would you let me stay when I could go?' she hated the tears that fell from her eyes. 'I have to let you go. I have to accept that sometimes hard work doesn't pay off. I'm not going and the sooner I accept that the better.'

'I don't know what to say to you,' he admitted sadly.

'That's because you have everything I wanted,' she shrugged. 'I need some time and space Pace. I need to be able to feel sorry for myself, and to...you know...get over it.'

'Space from me?' he frowned, looking serious.

'Yes,' she tried to smile, but she just couldn't. 'I'm proud of you and I'm happy for you, but right at this second I can't actually show it. You see I'm not only losing my dream but I'm losing you too,' she couldn't stop the tears spilling from her eyes 'and you...well you're _everything_ and right now, I just need space and time to just think.'

'You're not losing me. I don't...'

'Don't say you don't want to go,' she all but yelled, her voice splintering with tears, 'don't because I know you do. I know how happy you'd be if I'd got the financial aid too. The thing is I thought I'd have a choice. I thought I'd get in and have enough aid to be choosing, but I don't get a choice. I don't even have one place. I get into every where I've ever wanted and I can't go. And _you_ can. So I lose everything all in one day. I feel like my future has disappeared in the blink of an eye, so don't say I'm not losing you. Don't even tell me you're thinking of refusing everything I've ever wanted and you now have. Just go home,' she dropped to the sand and wrapped her arms around her legs.

'I can't just leave you here. Not when you feel like this,' he stated obstinately, but she shook her head,

'I don't want you here right now,' she admitted and for the first time in years it was true. There would be no solace in his arms this time.


	39. Chapter 39

**Hey guys,**

**If you love fanfiction, then love jet lag. I'm getting loads written and I spend my wakeful hours in the night formulating ideas. The angst continues, but so does the very M rated nature of this fic...**

**Thanks for the reviews guys:-) Please keep them coming - I LOVE feedback and reviews are it. I literally write more when I get a review. I know, I'm shameless...**

**Chapter 39**

'How are you doing?' Bessie asked her sister sitting down next to her on the porch swing.

'You mean, am I done being jealous, sad and angry?'

'Kinda,' Bessie shrugged.

'Then not really,' Joey admitted.

'Are you more sad about college or Pacey?' Bessie asked and Joey sighed loudly,

'Well that's a complex one. I'm jealous he gets to go and I don't. That's the jealous. I'm sad, unbearably sad because we're going to be separated and I love him so, so much. I'm angry that I get into my dream school. I get into everywhere I applied and that's amazing, but I don't get to go. For once we do ok financially and somehow that means we can afford fifteen k a year? That's ridiculous and I'm furious that I can't go and there's nothing I can do about it. That all the hard work, God the _endless_ hard work, was actually for nothing.'

'Not for nothing,' Bessie told her softly. 'You got into Harvard! You got into Columbia, not to mention Boston and New York. They're prestigious places Jo and they all want you.'

'Not enough,' Joey muttered.

'I hate seeing you this way, so down on yourself and life.'

'What life Bessie? I've lost my dream, the one I've had since dad was carted off to jail, and even more than that I'm going to lose the love of my life,' Joey curled her hands into fists and pushed them into her eye sockets.

'You haven't lost Pacey, Jo. He's over here every day - it's you that won't see him.'

'I don't know what to say to him. I'm happy for him, I'm proud of him, but I almost wish he hadn't decided to start studying. I wish he was staying here with me.'

'You can go to college Jo. There are student loans...'

'I can't Bes, I just can't. You wouldn't do it either. We've spent so much time worrying over every cent, I can't just borrow tens of thousands of dollars. It would make me sick with worry. And I'd probably spend the rest of my life paying it off.'

'I do understand that Joey. I think we should go look round the community college. It's still an education and it may be better than you think. We can even bring some Ivy seeds and chuck them in the flower beds.'

'Ok,' Joey nodded sadly. 'Ok.'

'And you need to talk to your boyfriend. He's half insane. Besides which, you're going back to school tomorrow, so I would speak to him before he accosts you in the halls.'

'Ok,' Joey sniffed.

'Glad you said that, because look who's walking up the road...' Bessie nodded to the road where Pacey was making his way towards them. Joey stared at him and suddenly, for the first time in over a week, longed to feel his arms around her, literally craved it because she felt certain that only then would she be able to make sense of the mess her life had become. He looked good, the beginnings of a tan, his old cargo shorts and a navy v-neck t-shirt, a baseball cap on his head. She cursed her body's reaction to the sight of him, but nonetheless got to her feet and began to walk towards him. He smiled a half smile, clearly surprised but pleased to see her coming to meet him, and then she was running and all at once his arms were around her, and she was being squeezed tight against him, so tight she could hardly breathe, but she didn't want to breathe when not breathing felt so good.

'God I've missed you Potter, please don't ever cut me off like that again, please,' he pressed a kiss to her forehead, then her cheeks, her eye lids, to the tears on her cheeks, her chin and finally her lips, her mouth opening to deepen the kiss immediately, her hands tracking up and under his shirt, revelling in the feel of his warm skin. She didn't know why and nor did she care, but she wanted him, wanted all of him and in a very primal way. Vaguely she remembered that Bessie was home so pushed him off the road and into the secluded fauna down by the creek, all the while somehow managing to kiss him and keep her body tight to his. She broke the kiss to look around, to ensure they were alone and concealed before she took his hands and pushed them under her skirt and onto the waistband of her panties.

'Shouldn't we talk?' he managed to half ask between kisses.

'I don't want to talk,' she flicked his hands away and pushed her panties off herself, before tucking them in the back pocket of his cargo shorts. She took his hand and pushed it back up her skirt, and straight between her legs, loving his groan, and the slight buck of his hips at the feel of how wet she was. He didn't seem to be thinking about talking any longer as his fingers sunk into her, and his thumb worked its magic against her clit. She couldn't seem to think or move, just kiss him as he brought her body to the edge and then shoved her over, her body clenching around his fingers which suddenly weren't enough. She pushed his hand away, still dizzy from coming, but able to push at his shorts and his boxers, until he caught on and her back was slamming against the nearest tree and he was pushing his cock inside of her, each thick inch into her until he was as far as he could possibly go. She moaned and locked her legs around his waist as he pulled out and then slammed back into her, again and again and again until her head was swimming, and her whole body was yet again teetering on the brink of release, a release she so desperately needed, a chance to be free of all the concerns that plagued her every waking thought. All those thoughts had evaporated the minute she had kissed him, and they couldn't have been further from her brain as he continued pushing in and out of her.

'Oh god baby,' he hissed, 'I'm gonna come.'

'Not yet,' she ordered, 'just a few more seconds,' she pleaded, and then she was moaning loudly, and a different noise, more of a cry, escaped as she came again, her whole body seeming to explode with pleasure, a pleasure intensified by his groan and the feeling of him pulsating inside of her as he came.

'Fuck,' he bit her shoulder, harder than normal, but she didn't care. He held her tight neither willing to move until all the thoughts Joey had managed to escape for the last while crashed into her brain and she burst into tears, the salt liquid dripping onto his shoulder. 'Jo, sweetheart,' he took her face in his hands but she kept her eyes shut tight, afraid to look at him. 'Please look at me,' he begged and after several moments she opened her eyes, a wave of physical pain going through her at the sight of his beautiful face,

'I'm sorry,' she half sobbed, 'I don't mean to be so ridiculous, I just...' she couldn't finish the sentence so merely pressed her mouth against his shoulder and held onto him. At length he shifted and she unwrapped her legs and allowed him to slip out of her. She didn't look as he pulled up his boxers and shorts. She didn't reach for her panties, merely smoothed down her skirt, and reached for his hand instead, playing with his fingers.

'You're not losing me Jo,' he stated, firmly and in such as way as to invite no argument. 'It's just a fact that I love you and I don't want anyone else, ever.'

'You can't know that,' she attempted to sound strong but he just pulled her against his chest again, because he knew she wasn't feeling strong.

'I do know that. I'm so certain that you and I are supposed to be together I could marry you tomorrow whether we're going to the same college or not. Please don't doubt how I feel,' he begged.

'I don't doubt how you feel right now,' she admitted, 'but when you're at college, with these girls and I'm far away, and your thoughts are on college and parties, and having fun. You may want to have fun with them.'

'I can have fun without sex being involved,' he pointed out.

'Apparently you can't study without it,' she returned and he sighed.

'Jo, I wanted you. I can study without sex, it's just easier with you. I'm more motivated. However, if I get to go to Harvard and you don't, well that's motivation enough, it'll feel like I'm there for both of us. I don't need sex.'

'I just can't believe I get in and I don't get to go,' she let go of him and sunk to the ground. He sat down beside her and took her hand,

'I don't think you should give up so easily Jo, I really don't. Maybe there's a scholarship you can apply for. Even a meeting with the finance department might help. Please whatever you do, don't turn down the place yet.'

'I haven't. I haven't done anything. It was awful telling Jen and Jack, seeing their pity and then knowing they were going to be in Boston with you. Dawson didn't know what to say. He's got all this money from Mr Brooks and even if he didn't his parents can afford for him to go. Once again, he gets his dream. Is it wrong that I'm jealous?'

'No it's not wrong,' Pacey traced patterns on her hand.

'I'm jealous of all of you,' she admitted, 'most of all you.'

'You're jealous of me?' he asked as if such a thing hadn't occurred to him.

'Horribly. It's why I haven't been able to see you. I miss you and I love you but I'm just so jealous.'

'Because I get to go and you don't?'

'Why did that not occur to you?' she asked with a frown.

'It did, it did,' he admitted, 'I guess I really wanted you to be proud of me.'

'I am proud of you,' she sighed, 'but your achievement emphasizes my lack of opportunity. You going, only emphasizes the fact that I'm not.'

'I said I wouldn't go...' he attempted and she felt furious,

'I'm not asking you to make such rash and frankly stupid, sweeping statements. Of course you're going to go. Of course I want you to take advantage of something you worked damn hard for. I'm jealous because I worked just as hard, if not harder. I worked my whole life for that acceptance letter and it means fuck all. Fuck all Pacey, and so I am green with envy. And I'm mad, mad as hell that you're going and I'm not and that means you're leaving me behind. Harvard has spurned me and taken you and you're leaving me behind.'

'I don't want to leave you behind,' he sniffed and she looked at him, surprised to see his eyes glassy. 'Jo, I don't know if I can do it without you. I don't know if I can be happy without you and if I'm not happy, well the outside stuff takes over.'

'I hate being a senior. I hate real life,' Joey muttered, pulling him close.

'Please don't push me away anymore. Please. Be jealous - you have every right, but let's face this all together. Starting with a call to the finance office and a search for scholarships. There is also Bunker Hill Community College in Boston. I know it's not what you wanted but we could at least be together.'

'I've never heard of it,' she admitted.

'See, lots to do,' he pressed a kiss to her neck, 'please don't let this tear us apart. Don't give up on me or your dream just yet.'

'Ok,' she nodded, 'ok.'

* * *

'How's Joey,' Jen asked Pacey as they lined up for their lunch.

'I'm not sure,' they both looked over to the table where Joey sat with Jack and Dawson, both of whom were talking animatedly whilst she merely pushed her food around and stared at the table.

'I think she might be depressed,' Jen frowned.

'No kidding,' Pacey rolled his eyes.

'She shouldn't just give up on it all,' Jen grabbed an apple.

'She said she wouldn't but after the finance department at Harvard offered her no help and then the others said the same thing she hasn't been able to shake her mood. She's applied to Bunker Hill but it's like all her drive has gone. She doesn't see the point in college at all anymore.'

'Has she said no to her places?'

'No,' Pacey shook his head, 'but only because she's too sad to think of it.'

'What about scholarships?'

'The truth is there isn't much about. A lot of the deadlines have passed anyway, and many don't offer enough anyway.'

'God, but it's awful,' Jen muttered, 'it's a disgrace really.'

'Yeah,' Pacey growled, as they both headed over to join the others.

'Hey guys,' Jen trilled cheerfully.

'How's it going?' Pacey asked his girlfriend, relieved to see her eyes brighten at the sight of him.

'Same old, same old,' she shrugged and looked away from him. He hated it.

* * *

Joey was lying in bed and staring at the ceiling. She was tired but couldn't seem to fall asleep. Bessie had suggested Pacey head home and Joey hadn't fought it because she hated bringing him down and she knew she was. Everyone was excited about college except for her and it was creating a horrible tension, well for her it was, and she'd rather not be around them. Ever since they'd made up after her one week silence following the letters, things had bumbled along the same way as they always had. She stayed at Pacey's two nights a week and the rest of the time he snuck in. They worked, or she hung out with Jen after school, and he was trying, constantly trying to make her smile with flowers and dates and whispered words of love. Each night they were together. They had sex a lot. She found that her lack of control over her life was making her want to dominate during sex. It was the only upside to the horrible situation, because it was a new dynamic to their relationship and one that had resulted in phenomenal orgasms. She felt mild guilt on occasion that she'd become so bossy and demanding but Pacey didn't complain, and certainly enjoyed her phase, often far too vocally. She smirked in the darkness as she thought about the way he sounded when he came, insanely pleased with how much she seemed to turn him on, one thing she was successful at.

She jumped, her heart racing at the sound of her window sliding open. Even though she knew it would only be Pacey, adrenalin coursed through her body from shock at the unexpected noise. She watched him climb inelegantly in, half falling, before he kicked off his shoes and stripped off all his clothes except for his boxers. Quietly, clearly thinking her asleep he climbed in under the covers.

'Boo,' she stated loudly in the quiet night and he jumped a mile,

'Crap, you scared me,' he tickled her, and she was surprised to hear her own laugh, the sound odd because it had been so long. Clearly thrilled by the sound of her giggles, he stepped up his attack, rolling on top of her to pin her to the bed and tickling along her sides and up to her arm pits.

'Uncle,' she begged, because laughing was beginning to hurt, and at last his hands stilled, his face smothered with a shit eating grin.

'Hmmm,' he murmured instead of actual words and he kissed her. 'I missed you.'

'I always miss you,' she drew his mouth back to hers kissing him hard, before rolling them over so he was underneath her.

'I didn't come for sex...' he half mumbled, as she held his hands to the mattress and rocked her body against his, pleased she was only wearing a nightdress with no panties, and he his boxers.

'Well you're going to get sex,' she told him simply, somehow managing to get her toes into the waist band of his boxers and push at them, until she could feel him naked and hard beneath her. She didn't push her body onto his though, just kissed him and rubbed against him, allowing him to feel how wet she was but providing him no actual release. Subconsciously, the sexual torture was her taking control, a payback of sorts for his success, but she didn't really care to think about why she wanted to behave the way she did, she just knew that it made things more bearable.

'Please,' he begged, as she rubbed her clit up and down his length.

'No,' she held his wrists more firmly, as his hips bucked upward towards her, as she started to breath more raggedly, feeling her orgasm begin to rise within her, 'I'm going to come,' she hissed, and then she did, moaning loudly into the silent night, her whole body thrilling with the feelings. It was only then that she slammed her body down onto his, hard, taking all of him inside of her in one fluid motion causing him to cry out. Still holding his arms beside his head, she slammed her body against his again and again until she could feel him begin to resist her restraining hands, at that moment she shifted her position from straddling his hips to lying on top of him, the new position giving maximum friction against her clit until they were both gasping, his hands beginning to fight hers for freedom, as she swivelled her hips and he was crying out loudly, his hands breaking free of hers and pressing against her ass to hold her close as he came, the whole thing enough to send her flying over the edge again, as she pressed a sloppy kiss to his lips.

'Joey,' he moaned her name, as they lay sweaty on her sheets.

'Shhh, I can sleep now,' she muttered, unwilling to move off of his body. Seeming to understand he wrapped his arms around her, and pressed a kiss to her head.


	40. Chapter 40

**So the angst continues. Remember Pacey's melt down at the end of season 4 - how's Joey doing when the tables are turned? Never fear, this is a P/J fic and I would never promicide you all:-) This isn't prom but we're on our way there...**

**Thanks for the reviews guys! You're the best. Sorry I always beg, but I can't seem to help myself. I have two addictions - coffee and fanfiction reviews... Fairly healthy as addictions go! And yeah, that was me begging again:-)**

**Chapter 40**

'Hi Pacey, thanks for coming to see me,' the head sat opposite Pacey and acted as though he'd had a choice, which of course he hadn't. If you're called out of class to go see the head, of course you're going to go.

'Am I in trouble sir?' Pacey shifted uncomfortably wondering whether someone had spotted his clandestine meeting with Joey outside the door to the boiler room, and their subsequent disappearance.

'Oh no Mr Witter, you're not in trouble,' the head laughed, 'look at all you've achieved! You've gone from starting fights and skipping school to ranking first in the class, with a place at Harvard and Columbia. You're every teachers dream. You're a Capeside High success story.'

'First?' Pacey coughed, uncomfortable with where he feared this conversation was going.

'Whatever is working for you don't change it. The last semester of assignments have been outstanding. Due to your ranking and your success story, the faculty and I unanimously decided to award you the honour of class valedictorian.'

'Me?' Pacey coughed not sure he could actually believe the words coming out of the mans mouth.

'You have shown an array of skills over the last couple of years. Despite difficulties within your home environment you have performed the grade about turn of the century and you are an example to everyone of what hard work and determination can achieve.'

'I can't be valedictorian,' Pacey shook his head. When he thought over the last two years he knew that Joey deserved valedictorian. He wouldn't have achieved anything without her, and she was a real succes story. He might have a crapoy family but she barely had one. He also knew that him achieving this would simply push Joey over the edge. That it might indeed destroy what they had.

'Why not? It's a huge honour,' the head frowned, clearly surprised.

'My girlfriend sir,' he said simply.

'Miss Potter. I heard she had achieved similar success. She has also moved up to second spot on the class rank,' he shrugged as if he couldn't understand Pacey's predicament. 'I can't see why she wouldn't want this for you.'

'She's second?'

'Yes Mr Witter, but you are first and we believe best placed to inspire this years graduates.'

'But Joey...'

'Surely she's pleased with your success? It did not escape the faculty's notice that she played some role in your motivation.'

'She is happy for me, but you see sir, she can't go to college,' Pacey managed to say. 'She didn't get the financial aid she needs and so she can't afford to go. She's devastated. I'm going and she isn't and it's all she ever wanted her whole life. I can't go and tell her I'm valedictorian as well. I think it might destroy the last fragile remnants of her self-esteem. Why not make her valedictorian? She's a success story. Look at everything she's overcome to be second? She's amazing. Me, I just worked hard to impress my girlfriend.'

'So you're rejecting this offer? This honour?' the head stared at him.

'Yes. Give it to Joey,' he nodded surely.

'Once again proving why you were so deserving of the honour in the first place,' the head sighed, 'as you wish Mr Witter.'

* * *

'Joey,' Jen chased after her friend, surprised to find her smiling when she finally caught up, 'have you and Pacey been in the boiler room again?' she chided lightly.

'No, no...nothing like that,' Joey shook her head.

'Then why the big smile? You know they've been kinda rare lately.'

'I was asked to be valedictorian,' she half whispered, disbelief and Pride evident in her tone.

'Oh my god,' Jen threw her arms about her friend, 'that's amazing. Of course it wouldn't be anyone else but you! I'm so happy for you!'

'Thanks,' she blushed. 'Should help with the late application to community college,' she sighed a little sourly.

'Community college will be fun. Just you wait and see,' Jen teased, pleased when Joey actually laughed,

'At least I can be in Boston with the rest of you,' she added and Jen was pleased because it was the first positive thing she could recall Joey saying about college since receiving her acceptance letters.

'You can even stay with me and Grams.'

'Really?' Joey looked up, clearly touched by the offer.

'We spoke about it and we'd love it.'

'I'd love it too, thank you Jen,' Joey hugged her friend,

'I know it's not dorms, but we can make it as much like dorms as possible. Grams has found the perfect place with a room at the back of the house. She claims that we won't bother her there.'

'Thank you Jen,' Joey's thanks were sincere so long as she didn't think about the Harvard dorm rooms, and all the idle fantasies she'd previously held about them.

'Hey you guys,' Jen stated loudly as they approached the others lunch table.

'What is it?' Andie asked brightly.

'You look almost happy Joey,' Jack frowned.

'Joey's valedictorian,' Jen announced and the others clapped and cheered. Joey felt her blush, but didn't care. It was something amid a sea of nothing and she was going to take it.

'Well done sweetheart,' Pacey kissed her cheek and she threw her arms around him,

'I'm sorry I've been so awful lately. I just...'

'You don't need to explain why. I completely understand why,' he kissed her softly,

'I haven't really allowed you to celebrate though and I should have.'

'I haven't wanted to celebrate Jo,' he reassured.

'Well I think we should. I called Bessie and told her and she's organizing a barbecue for tomorrow after school. We'll celebrate everything then. I might be going to community college but I have this now and this means something,' she smiled at him and felt the world right itself a little bit. Her acceptance to four excellent colleges had been overshadowed by her inability to go, by the lack of financial aid, but she felt valedictorian was some kind of recognition of all she had achieved and it made community college an easier concept to accept.

'How excited was Bessie?' Dawson laughed.

'Oh she screamed loudly,' Joey grinned, 'loud enough to wake up Alexander.'

'I'll bet she did,' Pacey squeezed her, 'I'm so proud of you. So happy for you.'

'Unsurprised,' Jack added as they sat down.

'You'll all come tomorrow right?' Joey asked, 'it's a party for all of us really.'

Everyone rushed to assent and Pacey stared at Joey, loving the smile back on her face and the little bit of light in eyes that had been deadened only hours before. She turned to look at him and smiled, that secretive smile that she saved just for him, the smile that spoke a million words and his heart felt like it expanded with love.

* * *

'I'm sorry Bess...' Joey muttered into the payphone in the school corridor.

'You're the guest of honour Jo. All your friends are here, your boyfriend is cooking...'

'I just wanted to make sure I finished up everything. The computer wouldn't save my stuff and so I had to get someone to help otherwise I'd have lost my application letter.'

'Ok, ok, but now you're done so hurry. Please.'

'Do you need me to pick up anything on my way past the store?' Joey asked and heard Bessie hesitate.

'Some ice and some chips. Bodie never gets enough chips.'

'Sure,' Joey laughed and hung up the phone, before picking up her bag and slinging it over her shoulder. The school was quiet, but then again no one usually hung around on a Friday, everyone keen to get off and start enjoying their weekend. When she was walking past a classroom she heard the word "valedictorian" and she couldn't help but stop and listen. Two teachers were apparently discussing her and she wasn't one to avoid hearing what people had to say,

'She got into all the colleges but isn't going,' the female voice stated. Ms. Macintosh.

'You have got to wonder about the cost of a college education when a girl as bright as that gets into Harvard and can't afford to go, so ends up at some crappy community college.'

'Community colleges are worth their weight in gold Hank,' Ms. Macintosh chided the other teacher, Mr. Milo.

'I know, I know,' he grumbled. 'So she gets the valedictorian, huh.'

'She deserves it,' Ms. Macintosh stated heartily warming Joey.

'More than the Witter kid,' Mr. Milo tsked.

'All that happened a long time ago and he was protecting his friend.'

'I'm not going to argue about it with you Helen,' Mr. Milo hadn't ever forgiven Pacey, not really.

'The boy has a sense of fairness, you can't deny it. Quite the romantic too giving up class valedictorian for his girlfriend,' Ms. Macintosh sighed. Joey jolted away from the door letting the statement sink in, feeling sick.

'Foolish really. It's an honour.'

'She's just as deserving of that honour as him,' Ms. Macintosh stated firmly.

'Then why'd they offer it to him first,' Mr. Milo grumbled and Joey fled, unwilling to hear more. She hated crying at school and so was thankful no one was around to see her. Once out of the building she headed for True Love, the only place she felt sure she could be alone. She felt like a fool. It had never occurred to her that she hadn't received the honour of valedictorian fair and square, that Pacey had achieved that as well. She felt a mixture of shame, fury and sadness roll into the pit of her stomach. She felt sick at the thought of the party Bessie was throwing, a celebration of this one thing she'd supposedly achieved despite all the other negativities, only it wasn't really her success. It was Pacey's. A success he'd turned down for her, which whilst it might seem romantic only stank of pity to her. She felt ashamed, ashamed of her celebration, of her pride over the stupid honour, the stupid honour that wasn't really hers, and the shame made her angry at Pacey. He aught to have known she wouldn't want such a thing out of pity. That she would hate it. She'd have rather suffered the jealousy of his triumph than the shame of him refusing the honour so she could have it.

'What do I do?' she asked the empty boat. The thought of Bessie, her wonderful big sister, hosting a party for her and her not turning up was excruciating, yet the thought of turning up and accepting congratulations on an honour that was only hers by default made her want to weep. She wanted to hate Pacey for putting her in such a position.

When she thought she was finally all cried out she stood, but the tears swept over her again, and she continued to cry for some time. At length she stood and looked in the mirror. She looked like hell, but looking like hell would have to do. With an aching heart she climbed onto the dock and headed towards the B&amp;B, forgetting ice and chips and everything really, except for breathing in and out.

She entered the B&amp;B by the front door, hoping everyone would be out back.

'Joey,' Bessie cried, 'finally!'

'I'm sorry,' she attempted to hold the fake smile on her face, thankful that Bessie was too manic to notice. 'I'm just going to freshen up,' she stated.

'Ok, fine, but hurry. Where are the ice and chips?'

'I forgot, sorry,' Joey hurried down to her room and shut the door behind her her heart beating like crazy and her stomach churning.

'Joey,' Jen hammered on her door and for a second she just stood there before turning and opening it. 'What's happened?' Jen asked after one look at her friend. Joey burst into tears,

'I'm sorry I can't stop crying. I must be such a miserable friend.'

'Joey, I don't care that you're crying, I care that you're sad. Should I get Pacey?'

'No, no,' she answered vehemently. 'Please don't.'

'What's happened?' Jen locked her door and sat Joey on the bed, sitting beside her.

'For some reason...' she trailed off, 'it seems I wasn't the first choice for valedictorian,' she sniffed.

'I don't understand,' Jen frowned.

'They offered it to Pacey. He turned it down so they'd give it to me and now I just feel so embarrassed, so stupid that I was happy about it. I thought I'd won it on my own merits but no...'

'Oh Joey,' Jen wrapped an arm around her shoulders and hugged her.

'I heard Mr. Milo and Ms. Macintosh talking. She said it was romantic, but I think it's awful. It feels awful...'

'I don't think you were ever supposed to know,' Jen told her calmly.

'So all the teachers and Pacey, they'd know I was a complete fake, that I wasn't who they had originally given it to. It's so humiliating.'

'It shouldn't be humiliating Joey. You were clearly in second place and these things are always so close...'

'They gave it to him not me. I'm only valedictorian because he's my boyfriend. There's no other reason that he refused except to ensure that I got it.'

'You can't think like that,' Jen soothed but Joey wouldn't take it.

'I can. I do. I can't be valedictorian. I can't. It's not mine. It's his. I won't do it. My poor sister is so proud of me and she shouldn't be. It's not mine,' she reiterated.

'What are you going to say to Pacey?' Jen frowned.

'I don't know,' she admitted, 'maybe...maybe it's over Jen. He shouldn't have done this. He wouldn't have done it if he knew me.'

'Don't say that Joey. He loves you. You've been so sad and it's been killing him to figure out a solution. This was something he could do. He'd have only done it because he thought you deserved it more than him. You know that.'

'I don't know anything anymore Jen. Everything is a mess. I don't know what I'm doing with my life now. I don't know what to aim for and I certainly can't see my future with any clarity.'

'You love him,' Jen frowned.

'I'm so in love with him,' Joey agreed, 'but I feel like I'm losing it. I'm meant to be organizing prom. We agreed last year that I'd organize prom this year. It was supposed to be fun, but I can't even think of what to do. I don't want to even go. I don't know how I ended up here Jen?'

'Joey it's not so bad,' Jen attempted but Joey rolled her eyes,

'I'm going to community college and am class valedictorian because my boyfriend gave it to me. I so wanted Harvard. I wanted it so badly. And yeah, I wanted to be valedictorian. I wanted both those things. And I wanted Pacey as well. I wanted he and I to be going to Harvard together. I'm jealous of him Jen. I'm jealous that he has everything I wanted and that makes me such an awful person.'

'Of course you're jealous,' Jen shrugged.

'It's not that I'm not happy for him. I always knew he was smarter than me. I'm so happy for him that everyone else knows it as well. And I'm proud of him. He's worked so hard and he deserves it all. But I worked hard too. Why do I have nothing?'

'You still have him. The guy loves you more than anything Joey.'

'I know,' she looked at her hands which she was knotting together, 'but I feel so hurt Jen. Hurt that he'd put me in this position. I don't want it anymore and I have to tell him. I have to tell Bessie, everyone that really it was never mine in the first place.'

'Do you want me to get him?'

'No,' Joey admitted, 'just help me look like I haven't spent the last hour crying.

'Ok,' Jen nodded.

'I'm sorry I'm such a buzz kill at the moment.'

'Don't be sorry,' Jen shook her head, 'seriously.'

'Thank you.'

'Any time,' Jen took her hand and squeezed it.

* * *

'Here she is, the girl of the moment,' Bessie trilled, clearly proud of her little sister. Bodie laughed and snapped a picture.

'Not really,' Joey muttered looking down with characteristic bashfulness.

'You look beautiful,' Pacey took her hand but she squeezed it and let go, moving off to talk to Andie and Dawson. Pacey frowned and looked at Jen, who gave him a knowing look.

'She knows,' Jen mouthed simply and Pacey felt sick, his stomach churning and his heart pounding so loudly in his chest other noises faded.

'Jo, could I talk to you for a second?' he asked interrupting Dawson's description of the course in LA.

'What for?' she asked surprising herself with how cold she could make the words sound.

'Joey, please,' he begged and she sighed and turned to look at him. 'In private.'

'No,' she shook her head. 'In fact we should probably have this conversation with Bessie here. Bess?' she called to her sister who came over. 'Pacey wants to talk about me being valedictorian.'

'What's _he_ went to say?' Bessie smiled.

'Joey, please...' he felt like he was going to throw up.

'I wasn't their first choice for valedictorian Bessie. In fact I'm only valedictorian because my boyfriend refused the honour so they'd give it to me. They didn't choose me, they chose him,' Joey stated, 'and I'm sorry Bessie. Sorry that you organized all of this to celebrate when really there's nothing to celebrate because I'm not going to do it.'

'Joey,' he didn't know what he wanted to say just that he hadn't meant her to feel like this.

'I feel ashamed about how happy I was, embarrassed that I thought they chose me. Most of all I feel stupid for thinking that with hard work and determination I could make something of my life.'

'I refused it because I thought you deserved it,' Pacey claimed softly into the silence, for of course everyone had fallen silent and was listening with rapt awe.

'If I'd deserved it they'd have offered it to me and not you,' she pointed out.

'They only wanted to give it to me so they could hold me up as an example of bad kid turned good.'

'Of course they did,' she agreed bitterly, 'you're the poster boy for what hard work can achieve against the odds.'

'But you deserve it. You've always worked hard and you're amazing. Look at all you've achieved. The fact that you're not able to go to college just makes you deserve this more.'

'It's not the students who choose valedictorian, it's the faculty and they chose you.'

'I didn't want it. I don't think I deserve it.'

'Well I don't want it either. It isn't mine to have,' she yelled at him.

'I didn't refuse it out of pity for you. I didn't,' he claimed loudly.

'I don't know why you did it,' she muttered coldly. 'I can only assume you thought I might lose it if you got that as well?' she looked at him and saw that it was true in a way. 'You should have given me more credit. I would have been proud of you. I happen to think you deserve it, that everything you have done should be honoured by a faculty that once lacked faith in you. But now...now I don't even know what to think...'

'I'm sorry,' he sounded so distraught that his sincerity was obvious.

'I don't think it's enough Pacey,' her voice cracked under the weighty implication, 'you should have trusted me, trusted that I could be sad for myself and happy for you...'

'You've just been so broken lately and it has broken my heart. I hate seeing you so down on yourself when I think you're so amazing. I'm in constant awe of you and I just wanted you to know that so many people feel that way...'

'I just needed time. I didn't need or want pity.'

'It really wasn't about pity,' he attempted, taking her hands, 'Joey, Jo,' he tried to get her to look at him, 'I was stupid. They offered me valedictorian and all I could think is that I didn't deserve it and you did. I thought it would hurt you more that they overlooked you and I couldn't stand to think of you hurting. I love you more than anything.'

'They didn't overlook me Pace. They offered it to you because you were the person who deserved it. We all know how much you deserve it.'

'But I wouldn't be here without you. I wouldn't have Harvard, I wouldn't be anywhere in the top fifty in terms of class rank. Before you and I, if anyone had suggested I might rank first people would have laughed. They've been laughing at me my whole life - Pacey Witter the clown, the loser. My parents still don't believe that I got into Harvard despite looking at the letter. I owe everything to you, don't you get that? If you hadn't wanted me, if you hadn't encouraged me, believed in me, then I don't think I'd even be graduating.'

'That might be true but it doesn't mean you get to make me class valedictorian.'

'I'm sorry, I didn't mean it that way. I just couldn't help but feel that it was really yours and I was the imposter.'

'I'm the imposter,' she said hollowly. 'You should enjoy the party,' she turned and walked past her staring friends, her sister unable to mask the disappointment, and headed to her room shutting and locking the door, before heading to the window and locking that too. She lay down on her bed and tried not to cry, but really the effort was futile. It was all she did these days.

* * *

'Joey,' she heard him through the wood of her door, her eyes opening. She hadn't meant to fall asleep, but she'd clearly been out of it for a while, the room a cool blue as the sun set on the other side of the house. 'I'll sit here all night,' he said and she heard his body slide down the door. 'You know, in my defence, you knew I was a screw up. It's what I do. Screw up when I'm trying to do the right thing. I admit it was stupid. It was really stupid. Can't you see that I'm stupid without you?'

She turned away from the door, hating to look at the door that hid him from her.

'I've really messed up, haven't I?' the question was muted by the door. It felt like a horrible torture to be lying on her bed without him, the boy who was so synonymous with comfort. He couldn't comfort her over this though. She felt impossibly hurt and he'd caused it. She loved him, she'd always love him but things felt different, it felt as though they were travelling in such different directions and perhaps they were on different paths. Instead of moving into the future alongside each other she was several steps behind, off to the side, somehow not quite there and she didn't like how it made her feel. How the inferiority she felt was creating an insecurity in her. 'Please let me in,' he begged. 'Please.'

With a heavy heart she climbed off her bed and unlocked the door, then sat back on her bed, holding her knees tightly. He opened the door and moved to sit on the bed opposite her.

'Please believe me when I tell you I'm sorry, that I didn't mean for you to feel like this,' he begged, his voice gruff with emotion.

'I believe you,' she told him carefully. 'I don't know what to do anymore.'

'What do you mean?' he asked reaching for her hand. She looked at their entwined fingers,

'I'm not the person I thought I was,' she attempted to explain.

'In what way?' he frowned,

'I'm not going to get a first class education. Doors aren't going to open to me. Maybe I'm a small town girl. Maybe I should accept that I'm not going to do great things. I think maybe I've thought too much of myself.'

'Joey, Joey, I don't understand how you can think this way about yourself. You're class rank is now second. Second! You got into Harvard and Columbia - how can you not be meant for great things? You are the most amazing person I've ever met. You're funny and kind, and fiercely loyal. Your outlook is unique, you take a situation that seems impossible and you own it. I've never known anyone else like you. You're special.'

'I don't feel special,' she admitted. 'I feel fairly mediocre. But you? You seem really special and I'm scared that this is the beginning of the end.'

'The beginning the the end?' he echoed and stared at her.

'Whether I got into those colleges or not, I'm not going Pace. I feel like a deflated balloon. All my talk about college, I mean I just took it for granted that it would all work out, but I'm not going. You are going to do amazing things Pace, you're going to make me so proud, but I'm not going to be there with you.'

'It doesn't matter where you go, or even if you go to college. It's not what makes you a good person, it's not what defines you.'

'But it has defined me, for years it's defined how I live my life.'

'The thing is Jo, you talk like this is over. That we're over and you're scaring the shit out of me.'

'You're going places and I'm not. I don't want to hold you back. You should go without any hindrances.'

'I think you're missing something important here,' he stared at her, 'I'm in love with you. Hopelessly in love with you and I can't leave you behind. If you won't come with me I don't want it, none of it. I'd rather sail with you than go to Harvard. I'd rather run a coffee shop with you than Harvard. I'd prefer working in Wallmart with you than Harvard. Anything with you over Harvard. I choose you Joey and if the community college isn't an option then I'm staying here with you,' he bowed his head to try and look at her bowed head, until she looked up at him fighting back tears.

'Really?' the word came out half strangled by tears.

'Really,' he took her face in his palms and looked at her liquid filled eyes. 'Really,' he repeated. 'I don't want any of it if I don't have you.'

'Oh Pacey,' she melted and clambered into his arms, wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing him, 'I'll come with you I will. I want you to go to Harvard and I want you to do great things. I want to sit there on graduation day and listen to your speech. I'm not surprised that you've achieved greatness - I always told you that you were more special than anyone realized.'

'So believe me when I tell you the same thing,' he entreated.

'I'll try.'

'You have to trust me that things will work out. They will. Somehow. I just know that you can't have put in all that work for nothing. I'm sorry about the valedictorian thing...'

'Oh it's a relief I suppose,' she admitted.

'A relief?'

'To know you can still mess up in that Pacey way of yours, despite proving yourself the smartest kid in school,' she gave him a small smile.

'Well messing up is a Witter speciality,' he shrugged.

'I know,' she told him, kissing his chest.

'Do you forgive me?'

'I do,' she felt at peace as she said it. She hated all that had happened but the sooner she accepted it, the less destructive it would be. She only hoped she could stop the bitterness from growing and taking even more from her.

'Thank you,' he held her tight, as if he were scared to let her go, as if he knew how close he'd come to losing her. 'I love you so, so much.'

'I love you too,' she pressed kisses to his chest. 'Has everyone gone?'

'They have. Bessie said I could stay if you wanted me to. Well her exact words were "if I'm forgiven."'

'I want you to,' she told him honestly. 'I'm going to the bathroom.'

'Ok,' he nodded and she slipped off his lap, heading into the hall and to the bathroom. She locked the door and stared at her reflection. Her eyes were red and puffy and her hair was a mess. She brushed her teeth and turned on the shower, washing thoroughly before climbing out and wrapping a towel around herself. She headed back to her room which was now lit only by moonlight. Pacey was under her duvet, his discarded clothes hanging on the chair at her desk. She took off her towel and hung it up on the hook on her door, before moving across the room and picking up his t-shirt and pulling it on. She sat down at her desk and brushed her hair, until all the knots were gone. She turned back to the bed and found Pacey staring at her. She gave him a small smile and moved to the bed, his eyes tracking her. She lifted the covers and got into bed beside him, lying back, half propped up by her pillows. She lay for a long while staring at nothing, wondering and worrying about what the next day, week, month, year would bring, hating the one tear that managed to escape. Pacey was clearly still staring at her because he kissed the track of the tear,

'It's ok,' he whispered, 'I promise it'll be ok.'

'How can you promise?' she wondered.

'It has to be. As long as we're together it will be,' he moved his lips across her cheek and held them against hers, a sort of close mouthed kiss, or the sealing of a promise, she wasn't sure. She opened her mouth, ran her tongue across his lips until he parted them and his tongue snuck out to meet hers. His weight sunk down on top of her and she realized it had been a long time since his weight had been on her, that she had perhaps dominated for too long, because his heaviness was reassuring, and sexy and wonderful. He refused to heed to her efforts to deepen the kiss, kissing her slow and softly, ardently, his weight pressing her into the mattress. She gasped into the kiss as he shifted and his hard on moved to press where she was bare between her legs. He moved his hands slowly up her sides, his thumbs grazing her breasts then dropping back down to her ribs, as he rocked against her eliciting soft moans from them both. His hands moved back down to the edge of her T-shirt and he pushed it up and over her head, staring down at her naked in the moonlight, his eyes wide and luminous. He pressed a kiss to the skin below her ear, and then trailed warm open mouthed kisses down her neck, across her collarbone and finally to the cool skin of her chest.

'Pacey,' she gasped his name and bucked her hips up against his, before feeding her feet into the waistband of his boxers and pushing them off, feeling nothing but relief and an intensifying of the throbbing between her legs as he pressed his naked cock against her. His teeth bit down softly on her nipple as he used a hand to take hold of himself and rub the tip of his cock against her. She moaned at the sensation, but then his hand was gone and he was moving slowly into her. His hand returned to her chest as he stilled once he was fully inside of her, rolling her nipple, before sucking it into his mouth. She moaned yet again and he rocked. It felt wonderful. He didn't even really move out of her, just rocked against her whilst buried inside of her.

'Oh,' she cried out as he did it again, until his mouth swallowed the noise, claiming hers in a languid kiss that matched his movements.

'Feels so good,' he told her, clearly getting what he needed from the gentle rocking, as she felt her body build up, ever upward towards what felt like oblivion. Her hands raked down his back and across the firm tautness of his butt, scratching at the skin, as she gasped and writhed underneath him, until all at once she felt herself go and she was biting down on his shoulder to stop from making too much noise. His moments grew erratic as he cursed slightly under his breath, and then he was crying out loudly, not muffled at all, and was collapsing on top of her clearly spent, his lips pressed into her neck in a still kiss. 'Can I stay inside you like this forever?' he asked.

'Might make day to day activities tricky,' she smiled.

'But it feels so nice,' he defended.

'Mmmm,' she agreed, and they lay still in the moonlight.

'Am I too heavy?' he asked at length,

'You're just right,' she kissed his head, but he shifted until he was beside her all the same, pulling her tight against his chest.

'Will you sleep like this tonight?' he asked softly and she laughed,

'With you? Yes, of course.'

'I mean naked,' he rolled his eyes.

'Oh,' she smiled, 'yes.'

'Good,' he smiled a huge smile.

'Still a teenage boy at heart, huh? Thrilled with a naked girl in your bed.'

'Technically it's your bed, and you're not just a naked girl. You're the most gorgeous, sexy, naked girl in the world,' he corrected, 'but yeah, basically still feeling pretty teenage boy about it all.'

'I'm pretty lucky to have a naked you in my bed,' she shrugged. 'You're not only gorgeous, but you're smart. Tall, sexy, and amazing in bed. You're funny too. And just about the most romantic guy on the planet all without being cheesy. Tell me Pace, how come you're so goddamned perfect?' she traced his cheekbones, eyebrows and lips with her finger tips.

'I think my screwing up proves I'm far from perfect,' he chuckled.

'Ah, forget that. You're perfect and you're mine,' she kissed him, then rested her head back against his chest. 'It will all be ok, right?'

'Gotta trust it'll work out,' he shrugged, but he sounded certain and so she closed her eyes,

'Ok.'


	41. Chapter 41

**Thanks so much guys for all the reviews! You'd think it would stop me begging for more but nothing stops me doing that! I love the reviews so please keep them up.**

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**Shout out to T80 for letting me run ideas past you - I appreciate it, and all the time you take to review each chapter-thanks:-) Also to all regular reviewers who keep me motivated: Yanaymel, Malin, Angelpete87 - you three always review and I thank you for it, Erica 3 Angels, spfan09, MsPurchase, firedarkness, shadowda, Shawn8204, caffeinequeen101 - all keeping me going, and all those who've made one off reviews (jazphace, Eve22, loveslifetn, dcfan121, ncar08, rimismine, Monica, holly, hawaiigirl84 and to the many guest reviewers) and given me feedback. I LOVE feedback. Thank you THANK YOU!**

**Chapter 41**

Joey sat at the lunchroom table staring at her fries. As fries went they were a bit of a disappointment - overcooked, so generally too crispy and way too salty. Her eyes flicked to the letter beside her tray and then back to the fries she was carefully arranging into letters.

'You love me!' Pacey sounded pleased as he dropped into the chair beside her, taking in her frie constructed "I love Pacey," a rather lopsided heart in place of the word love.

'The heart's a little wonky but I couldn't find any curvy fries,' she shrugged and popped one in her mouth, crunching it. 'Look what I got today,' she pushed the letter towards him but didn't watch as he opened it.

'You got in,' he stated enthusiastically, 'I mean not that there was any doubt.'

'And I got financial aid covering most of the costs,' she shrugged.

'And?' he looked at her closely.

'Well I love Bunker Hill Community College because they love me more than any other college. I can actually afford to accept.'

'What about Boston University?'

'It's still too much Pace. I've heard you and the bursar about loans but I don't want to start life with those kind of debts. It would be far too stressful. I can go to Bunker Hill and then you know, apply to Boston to make it a degree. I don't know,' she shrugged and stared at her fries.

'But...'

'No buts Pace. The only alternative is hanging around here for another year until I can declare myself financially independent like you.'

'No,' he shook his head and she frowned, 'this place will take you Jo. Days, to weeks, to months...you'd lose yourself.'

'Well that's why it's Bunker Hill for me. I'll room with Jen and Grams. It's not what I expected but it's what I get,' she sighed, 'now let's stop talking about depressing things and talk about prom.'

'I hate that college is a "depressing" topic,' he took her hand and drew hearts on her palm.

'I'm sorry. I'm still in the needing time part of accepting rejection,' she frowned.

'Don't apologize,' he pressed an impulsive kiss to her lips. 'Never apologize. You amaze me.'

'Prom,' she murmured into the kiss.

'We should go with the class as they're not being homophobic idiots?'

'That's what I thought. It's our senior year - we should be with everyone.'

'I know we said you'd organize this year but I'm more than happy to do it,' he offered but she shook her head,

'I think I should do it,' she told him simply, unable to explain why she needed to prove herself successful at something.

'Ok,' he nodded. 'If you're sure.'

'Don't make it sound like you think I'm not capable. I'm not an invalid,' she crossed her arms defensively over her chest.

'I didn't mean it like that,' he soothed.

'Well how did you mean it? I can't go to the college of my choice, it happens Pace. I wish everyone would stop acting like I'm going to fall apart. I'm ok. I'm devastated but you don't need to walk on eggshells around me. I'm a perfectly capable person even if I didn't get financial aid or valedictorian. My faculties are in full working order and I can surprise my boyfriend on prom.'

'Ok, ok,' he held up his hands in surrender. 'You're right.'

'I better get to class,' she muttered and pushed away from the table leaving her plateful of fries.

'Class isn't for another twenty minutes?' he stared at her.

'I have work to do,' she sighed and left the lunchroom as Jen sat down opposite Pacey.

'Where's she going?'

'Class,' Pacey widened his eyes, 'twenty minutes early to escape conversation with me.'

'To escape all of us,' Jen pointed out. 'How are things between you two?'

'I don't know,' Pacey admitted honestly. 'Sometimes, like just now, she's clearly thinking about things not related to what we're talking about. Or related to what we're talking about, but she's clearly not saying what she's thinking. Other times she seems ok. We went out to the movies the other night and she was chatty and you know...flirty.'

'Is that what we're calling it?'

'Can I be honest with you for a moment Lindly?' Pacey asked and Jen nodded.

'We're friends.'

'When Jo found out she'd got into college but she couldn't go, she became...how to put it delicately...feisty and dominant if you catch my drift?'

'It's not a hard drift to catch,' Jen nodded, a small smirk playing at the corner of her mouth.

'Since the whole valedictorian debacle, well she's handed control to me completely. I make all the moves and she lets me lead...well everything.'

'Is she um...enthusiastic?' Jen asked carefully.

'Well yeah. She's responsive if that's what you mean, and she you know...finishes. Often twice.'

'There's no need to brag,' Jen chastised.

'I wasn't,' he blushed fuchsia, but Jen just chuckled,

'Ok. So what are you worried about here?'

'Just, being so submissive, I don't know. It's as if she's lost her confidence. I feel like she's plummeted in self-esteem.'

'Well of course she has Pacey,' Jen rolled her eyes. 'Joey was pretty low on the self esteem before you guys got together and you two together has done wonders for her confidence, but she feels like she's been rejected...'

'But...'

'I know she hasn't, but that must be how it feels. These places she's dreamed about offer her a place but don't give her enough money to go. Rejection. Then with the whole valedictorian thing. I understand where you were coming from, I really do, but she had this fleeting moment of peace and triumph, and then it was ripped from under her when she realized that they hadn't wanted her. She feels rejected and she'd not risking anything at the moment. Vulnerability can certainly lead to passivity. She's not putting herself out there so she's not rejected again.'

'But I'm the last person on earth who'd reject her,' Pacey looked shocked.

'Since the beginning Joey's feared you're going to see her, "as she really is." She's said to me and to you, I know, that she can't see how she gets to keep you, not when you're both so young. She's always _seen_ you Pace. Even when no one else did, even when you were flunking out, she knew you were amazing and special, and she thought you would only be hers for a little while - that she didn't deserve you and you'd one day realise how much better than her you were.'

'So I need to do something,' he stated, 'I mean I really need to do _something_.'

'I'm not sure what you can do,' Jen told him honestly.

'Well I'm not having her feel like this,' he told her. 'She's smart, and kind, and amazing. _She's_ special. This is at the end of the day all about money. Money! Everything is falling apart because of money.'

'I know,' Jen shrugged. 'But what can we do about it?'

'Nothing,' Pacey tsked. 'Nothing at all.'

* * *

'Close your eyes,' Pacey dropped to the end of the dock beside Joey and took her hand.

'Why am I closing my eyes?' she smiled.

'So I can give you this,' he pushed a chocolate between her lips.

'Mmm, a good mood pill,' she teased.

'You told me _I_ was your good mood pill,' he pouted as she opened her eyes.

'You are, and you're far more effective than a chocolate,' she kissed his lips.

'Mmm, you taste good,' he deepened the kiss.

'You're in a good mood,' she murmured as he lifted her off the dock and onto his lap, nestling his face in her neck.

'I'm with you,' as if it should be obvious.

'Would you like to go sailing this summer?' she asked and he looked at her.

'Would you?' he asked in return.

'Why do you ask like that?' she smiled, 'after last summer, there's nothing I'd like more.'

'It was amazing,' he concurred, 'I guess I thought earning the big bucks might be a priority.'

'Oh it should be. But surely we deserve a few weeks off?'

'I'm game,' he nodded, 'you all to myself on a boat? Easy answer.'

'Besides which if Gale increases our hours at the restaurant that'll make up for some of what we lose when we're away.'

'Sure, sure,' he nodded.

'We should leave after graduation,' she murmured. 'Just float away.'

'Hmm, sounds perfect,' he kissed her neck and squeezed her affectionately.

'What will you do with the boat when you're at Harvard?' she asked and he winced internally because she never said "when you're in Boston" it was _always_ Harvard. She mentioned it way too much for it to feel ok.

'I don't know. The sensible thing would be to sell her,' he admitted.

'You can't,' she burst out, 'you really can't. Maybe I can cover the dock fees. I mean, I'll have a job in Boston, and you're probably not going to have time.'

'I'll have to have time Jo.'

'Not if you're in pre-law. I mean maybe you can work an evening a week, but you'll need to work hard.'

'And you won't?' he asked, as always carefully.

'Not like you. I've done all the required reading,' she shrugged.

'I wanted to talk to you about what I study,' he broached because when else was he supposed to discuss it with her? All subjects relating to college in any way felt barbed and difficult.

'I'm listening,' she said simply and he took a deep breath,

'I spoke to the dean and the different faculties and I've decided I'd like to switch to pre-med. I just, kinda wondered, well if you thought it as a terrible idea?'

'Why didn't you talk to me before?' she frowned and looked at him slightly bewildered increasing his feelings of guilt.

'Because I feel guilty. Every time there's anything to do with college I feel guilty. I feel terrible that I'm going and you're not and I hate even mentioning it to you.'

'But you have to Pace. How can we be together if you don't talk to me about this huge part of your life. I had no idea medicine even interested you!' she shifted off his lap which he took to be a bad sign.

'You've been so down Jo. So down on yourself and I haven't known how to broach the subject. It's not exactly easy to start debating majors with your girlfriend who doesn't get to go to college because money screwed her over. I wish you were going to be there too, but discussing it with you feels like rubbing salt in your wounds because you're not going to be.'

'You think it feels any better to know you're keeping things from me?' She looked so broken that he hurt inside.

'No. I knew it wasn't any better, but I just...I just didn't know what else to do. You're the person I want to talk to about everything, but I can see you hurting every time I mention Harvard. It's like I can see you putting up this brick wall, attempting to keep your emotions in check and I hate it.'

'I hate it too,' she admitted. 'And you're right. It would have hurt to discuss your options at this place I so desperately want to go to. I wish I could discuss my options, look at dorms with you and get excited, but I can't. But when you keep things from me, when you stop talking to me about Harvard and all it entails for you, well then you may as well break up with me. Leave me behind.'

'I don't want to leave you behind,' he whispered, scared because what she said was true.

'Are you sure? Because it seems that maybe you do.'

'That's not fair,' he stared at her, 'it isn't. I don't want to hurt you because I love you. The thought of losing you scares me to death. If we're being honest maybe it's you pushing me away. You haven't been easy to approach with things, and certainly not about things relating to college.'

'So it's my fault,' she nodded, 'I suppose it probably is.'

'I didn't mean that. I just meant that we both need to work at this. It's not an easy situation.'

'And I'm not an easy person,' she lay back on the dock and stared at the sky. After a couple of minutes he lay down beside her, turning on his side and leaning on his elbow so he could look at her,

'Am I stupid to consider premed?' he asked and eventually she looked at him,

'You would be an amazing doctor,' she reached a hand up and brushed it through his hair. 'You really would.'

'So I haven't made a huge mistake?'

'No. I don't think so,' she smiled a small but kind smile.

'I'm sorry I keep messing up,' he reached across and put a hand on her stomach, splaying out his fingers.

'I'm sorry I'm such a mess,' she put a hand on his.

'You're not a mess - you're justifiably sad that what you've worked your whole life for is so unfairly unattainable.'

'I wish I could win the lottery, or I don't know, be Dawson and have some old guy leave me all his money. I wish I was brave enough to face loans.'

'If I study medicine, I'm going to be facing a lot of loans too you know. Maybe it would be less scary if we faced them together?'

'I don't know,' she admitted. 'I don't know anymore. Somehow it feels worthwhile stacking up loans if you end up a doctor, but what am I going to end up as? An editor? An admin person? I don't know whether thousands of dollars worth of debt is justified.'

'It's not about whether it is or isn't justified by the job you end up doing Jo. It's about opening doors to the possibility.'

'Hmm, maybe,' she sighed and closed her eyes as the sun was bright. For a few minutes they lay in silence. 'I think you will be a great doctor Pace. It's a profession that actually suits you well. You're very caring, considerate and empathetic. When you're not screwing up,' she smirked, and opened her eyes to see his smile.

'That's me, Pacey Witter, empathetic to all but his girlfriend.'

'Oh go easy on yourself Pace. I think it has been a little too much empathy getting in the way of things between us lately,' she admitted.

'I am sorry,' he drew a heart across her stomach.

'You know back when we first got together I was worried that we might be separated by college. I know, so very Joey Potter to be worrying about such a thing in junior year, but you weren't into school. You were asking me for help with school work and I thought that maybe I'd be going and you wouldn't. Kinda funny how it's the other way around.'

'You're going to Bunker Hill though?' his hand stilled.

'I don't know. It's not what I want. I can't help thinking that I won't put myself fully into it because I don't really want to be there.'

'But we could be together,' the words were gasped in desperation as what she said sunk in.

'I'll still come to Boston Pace, but I think I'll get a job. Plenty of people carve a future through hard work. If I'm willing to start at the bottom, do the grunt work, there's no reason I can't get to a reasonable level, an ok income.'

'But college is your dream,' he removed his hand from her stomach and stared at her, his mouth open in shock and horror, 'you love the academic stuff, the research, the library. You live for it.'

'I used to,' she shrugged.

'I don't understand. How can you give up so easily,' he was still staring at her and she felt her shackles rise,

'I haven't given up _easily_. Nothing about this stupid mess has been _easy_. My whole life feels like it has been one struggle after another, so easy isn't a word I would use lightly. I had faith in the system Pace. I've put Bessie, Bodie, myself through no ends of torture all so I could get a place at college and I did it. The hard work paid off. Unfortunately my family working their butts off, in a situation none of us should have been, working to make something of ourselves, well that means we're expected to contribute more money than we can even dream of. We've never had money like that, not ever and Bessie - she's saving for Alexander's future not mine. Heck, even her future should come before mine. So I'll work. She did. She didn't go to college and worked so I'd have a home, so I wouldn't be in the system. Now it's my turn to sacrifice something for her.'

'I just...it doesn't feel right,' he shifted on the dock and pressed a kiss to her stomach.

'No it's not right,' she gave a wry chuckle, 'think if all the fun I could have had if I wasn't trying so hard to be first?'

'More boiler room trysts,' he gave her a soft smile.

'Many, many more,' she concurred. 'No working into the night on a Sunday when work got in the way of completing an assignment. We could have read fluffy summer books instead of required reading last summer...'

'Oh you enjoyed those books,' he chided.

'I enjoyed listening to you read them,' she agreed. 'You have a lovely voice.'

'I just can't imagine you not going to college, going somewhere with all the smarts you have,' he stared at her lying on the dock, her hair spread in a mocha fan around her head, her eyes shut, skin tanned, the most beautiful girl he'd ever seen.

'I'm just going to apply those smarts to the real world,' she said as if it were all so simple.

'It's not as simple as you make it sound,' he protested.

'Oh it is,' she sat up and opened her eyes. 'It really is very simple. You,' she prodded him in the stomach, 'just don't like it.'

'Of course I don't like it,' he all but exploded at her caviller attitude. 'It's all wrong. It's not fair and it's not right. You should be going and I shouldn't.'

'Pace, I didn't get financial aid because Bessie earned too much last year, not because you did get it. You got the aid you need fair and square. Stop feeling guilty.'

'I can't. This was something we were doing together. I don't want to do it by myself,' he took her hands and linked his fingers through hers.

'You do,' she smiled a little sadly, but sincerely. 'You do. You wouldn't have switched to pre-med if you didn't want it. Wouldn't have accepted the place. You want it and there's nothing wrong with that. You deserve it.'

'I can't accept you not going. I can't,' he shook his head.

'It's not up to you,' she told him easily.

'I can't believe Bessie would let you throw away all that hard work and...'

'Bessie is my sister Pace. She's a realist same as me. She understands better than most what it's like to give up on dreams. She's being doing it her whole life. She doesn't like it but she doesn't oppose it.'

'Well I do,' he all but pouted and she leaned forward and kissed his lip.

'I love you,' she whispered because she did love him, more than ever at this time in their lives when it felt like circumstances were trying to tear them apart. 'Tell me what your colours are for prom?' she said as an attempt to change the subject loving his confused frown,

'My colours?'

'You know your tie, and that thing you boys wear around your waists...'

'Cummerbund,' he filled in still looking confused,

'Yes your cummerbund. So I can match my dress to you,' she smirked.

'I thought I'm meant to ask you that,' he responded to her amusement with a smile of his own.

'Well I'm running prom this year so I figured I'd do the asking. I can get your corsage right that way as well.'

'I'm wearing a coursage?' now his smile was big and wide and beautiful.

'You are, my love,' she smiled and he pulled her onto his lap, his hands finding their way under her tank and his mood altered to amorous.

'Hmm, well I guess I should go with burgundy. Dougy leant me the stuff last year and I'm figuring that would be simplest this year...'

'Burgundy it is,' she nodded. 'You a limo guy?'

'Be creative,' he offered.

'Oh I can do that,' she nodded, but then he was kissing her, warm kisses that made her forget how her world had fallen apart and remember all the little things about Pacey that made him so amazing, so perfect for her. The way his tongue felt in her mouth, the way their bodies seemed to fit so well together, the little frown line on his forehead when he was thinking too hard, or just concerned. His chuckle, the one that made her insides flip flop, just like his voice did when he teased her affectionately. His constant good intentions, always coming from this place inside of him most people simply didn't have that made her heart ache with love - quite literally.

'I could kiss you forever,' he growled into the kiss - yet another way in which he made her crazy for him.

'Do,' she said simply, as his hands repositioned her on his lap so she could feel the effect of the kiss. Thankful for this she rocked ever so slightly against him and was rewarded by his groan of approval.

'Don't do that or I might forget we're on your dock in full view of the B&amp;B,' he tracked his thumbs across her nipples, sweeping them effectively. Her only response to his statement was to rock her hips against him again and to run her hands up the back of his tshirt across smooth skin. 'Hmmm,' he mumbled and with admirable strength he maneuvered them off the dock and into the surrounding scrub which hid them from view. Once out of sight his kisses grew more frantic and his hands more bold, as he laid her on her back and spread his hand across her stomach, tickling the skin there lightly before dipping it down the front of her skirt, under the material of her panties and into the warmth and wetness between her legs. He groaned and pressed himself against her leg, pushing two fingers inside of her and teasing her clit with his thumb, doing just enough to drive her crazy.

'Mmm, feels nice,' she moaned softly, her head thrown back and her eyes shut.

'Please,' he begged and she opened her eyes to look at him, 'touch me,' he took her hand and placed it against his hard cock and she squeezed gently, rewarded with his moan of approval, and a firmer, more result driven rub of his thumb on her clit. 'Please Jo,' he urged and she looked at him before flicking the button on his shorts and pushing her hand into his boxers. He half gasped, half groaned and emboldened she pushed at his shorts and boxers, which he willingly helped her move aside. She trailed her hand over him, up and down, brushing her fingers across the tip, all the time watching his face, watching the way his eyes shut when it felt particularly good. 'Would you...' he mumbled trailing off as she tightened her hand.

'What do you want Pacey?' she asked, noting that though his fingers were still inside of her, his hand had fallen slack.

'Your mouth,' he opened his eyes and she couldn't help but think that he looked ridiculously optimistic.

'Where?' she asked innocently and he moaned softly,

'On my cock,' he stared at her, his eyes dilated.

'Ok,' she pulled his hand from inside of her and kneeled beside him before licking him from base to tip. She kissed him softly on the tip and then looked up at him to see him sprawled in the fauna. She took hold of him with one hand and then wrapped her lips around with him, the effect instantaneous as he groaned loudly and his hips lifted from the ground. It never took him long when she used her mouth, and he was soon grasping at her hair, muttered curse words falling from his lips.

'I'm gonna come baby,' he warned but she didn't stop. 'Let me come in you, please,' he sat up and pulled her from him, 'in you baby,' he had his hands up her skirt and was pulling off her panties, before helping her straddle is lap, then his hands were between them and he was pulling her hard onto his cock.

'Oh god,' she sunk her teeth into the skin at the base of his neck, shifting up onto her knees until he was almost out of her, before dropping back down and onto him, a divine action that seemed to feel impossibly good, so good she repeated it again and again, each time driving her closer and closer to what she suddenly wanted and needed more than anything.

'Fuck,' his muttered curse and the feel of his hips thrusting up to meet hers was enough and her body flew over the edge, the scream that accompanied it muffled by his mouth which claimed hers in a fierce kiss. 'Love you,' his mumble came between kisses he plastered to her cheeks, her forehead, her nose. 'Love you.'

'Mmm,' she held him tight for several moments before climbing off of him, and allowing him to pull her against his chest as he lay back in the shrubbery.

'Do you know what I think?' Pacey asked at length, interrupting the gentle sounds of life on the creek.

'Nearly never,' she answered and he squished her sides. 'Ok, ok I'm sorry, what do you think?'

'I think we should build a little shelter and live in this patch of shrubbery forever.'

'Forever?'

'Yep,' he answered and she leant on her elbow to see him nod.

'And why this little spot?'

'Because it's pretty. You gotta admit the view is good,' he gestured to the creek.

'The views not bad,' she conceded.

'We have privacy to be delectably naughty,' he gestured to their state of dishevelment.

'That's true.'

'And we don't need to worry about anything much except being together.'

'We may eventually worry about food if we lived here forever,' she narrowed her eyes.

'I'd go forage at the B&amp;B. It'd be my job.'

'And where would we shower?'

'Creek shower. Like a boat shower but colder,' he answered brightly.

'And other bathroom needs?'

'B&amp;B silly,' he tweaked her nose.

'Where would the kids sleep?'

'Spoil sport,' he tugged her back onto his chest. 'Just imagine it.'

'It would be pretty nice,' she allowed herself to imagine it, though in her mind it was a desert island they were stranded on, with no B&amp;B's, no Harvards, no money issues, just the two of them, and an uncanny pristine bathroom facility.

'We could always build rooms for the babies in the shrub next door,' he offered.

'Hmm,' she closed her eyes. 'Sounds perfect.'

'Does, doesn't it.'


	42. Chapter 42

**Hey all, **

**It's nearly over. A couple more chapters, I guess, as I planned to end with graduation. I may do an epilogue if people would value one but I wouldn't know whether to go a year, two, three or how many into the future.**

**Thanks for the reviews. I found this chapter really hard to write and reviews helped keep my motivation up. Thanks to T80 for some help with this one. Hopefully I've done it justice - review and let me know;-)...please...**

**Tab**

**Chapter 42**

'Where have you been? You weren't in science?' Joey slid her arms around Pacey from behind, watching as he mucked about inside of his locker. He jumped and started stuffing them in his bag, completely flustered, and decidedly shifty.

'Oh I um...I had this thing...' he mumbled quickly still stuffing before slamming his locker shut, and smiling at her over his shoulder.

'A thing?' she smirked at his obvious discomfort at having been caught.

'Yeah...just um...you know...'

'I don't know,' she shook her head enjoying his inability to lie with a straight face.

'Just this...thing...'

'You don't want to tell me,' she stated moving her body between him and his locker and putting her hands around the back of his neck, loving how close he tried to get to her. 'Is it a secret?' she pouted as he moved his hands to her waist, nudging aside her tank top even though they were in the school corridor.

'Might be,' he admitted kissing her softly.

'You have secrets from me?' she asked, but her eyes were on his and she was surprised to find herself not offended.

'Good ones, ones that form surprises for _you_,' he leaned further into her body, her back hitting the metal of his locker.

'Why are you trying to surprise me?' she asked as his lips trailed to the warmth of the sensitive spot behind her ear,

'Cause I love you,' he sniffed her hair and then sniffed again before pulling back to look at her, 'you smell different,' he frowned looking mildly displeased.

'Bad?' she asked with a smirk.

'No of course not bad, but like cocoanuts instead of strawberries.'

'I felt like a change - surprise,' she mocked him softly and saw his frown relax.

'I like strawberries,' he admitted.

'Well I'll keep that in mind,' she stared up at him. 'So did you miss science because of my surprise or something else?'

'Couldn't say,' his eyes kept sliding from hers to her lips.

'You can kiss me Pace,' she laughed.

'Thing is, I really don't want to stop kissing you,' he murmured, his voice low and deep and so sexy she felt it between her legs.

'Boiler room or boat?' she asked and he didn't miss a beat,

'Boiler room,' he took her hand and tugged her away from his locker, edging down the crowded hallways, until they reached the boiler room and he was opening the door and they were slipping inside. She was about to say something teasing about strawberries and cocoanuts but she didn't have a chance, his mouth claiming hers in a hedonistic kiss that made her see stars, his hands clutching at her ass before pushing up and under her skirt and impatiently tugging at her panties, pushing them down her legs picking her up and hoisting her onto the storage cabinet they'd used many a time, in order to peel them off, shoving them into the back pocket of his shorts. Within seconds he'd undone his own shorts and pushed them and his boxers down and was moving his body between her legs, tugging her forward to the very edge of the cabinet she was perched on, his fingers brushing between her legs before he was pushing his cock inside of her, his groan rumbling through him as his hands squeezed her butt, pulling her too him as he pushed. It felt exquisite, and needy, as he moved hard and fast, his hands everywhere all at once.

'Pacey,' she mewled his name, her voice thick with desire, her hands scratching at his tshirt covered shoulders.

'I missed you today,' the words were breathed in her ear, his body moving in and out of hers, 'I spent all day thinking about you...you in that bikini you bought...the one with the strings. All I could think about was pulling those strings...you know, just tugging them and making you naked...'

'You did pull the strings,' she moaned as he did something with his hips that pushed all the right buttons.

'Yeah and all I could think about today was the moment those triangles of material fell away,' he nipped her ear lobe and she moaned, pushing herself closer, desperate now for the fall she was building up to. 'I love you naked, I love looking at you naked. I love how you smell and how you taste and sometimes I think I might go half crazy thinking about it.'

'I think about this,' she hissed. 'I think about you inside of me. When we're not together I think about this and I touch myself. Touching myself only works if I think of you, and how it feels the moment when you push for yourself inside of me. Or your mouth on me...'

'Fuck Jo,' he groaned, grabbing roughly at her ass, his hands not careful.

'Pacey,' she gasped, as all at once she came, her whole body shaking as the sensations ripped through her. Then he was kissing her, his tongue tangling with hers as he continued to thrust in and out of her, his movements increasingly erratic until he was muffling his scream in her neck, and gripping onto her so tight she thought there might be bruises. He clung onto her, breathing heavily and holding her. 'You ok?' she asked after a few minutes.

'I just really missed you today,' the words were muffled. 'I mean, I literally couldn't stop thinking about you...'

'Then you must understand how I feel most of the time,' she told him softly and was rewarded with his deep chuckle. He pulled his face from the crook of her neck and smiled at her,

'It can be a little debilitating not being able to get you out of my head.'

'That's why I aim for proximity. It allows me to function. Well unless we're doing this, then it doesn't help at all.'

'No,' he agreed pulling out of her and smoothing down her skirt before pulling up his boxers and shorts. 'You know the problem with this boiler room?'

'It's hot?'

'The other problem?'

'Tell me?'

'Can't get naked in case someone walks in.'

'We just had sex and you're already thinking about getting naked?' she rolled her eyes but he just tapped the side of his head,

'I told you it's a problem.'

'Well I'll make a deal with you. You come with me to Dawson's, be with me when I tell them all about not going to college and then I'll let you have another go at pulling the knots out of my new bikini...'

'Deal,' he grabbed her hand in a half caress, half shake manoeuvre and then kissed her soundly. 'Now let's go get a drink because it is really hot in here.'

'Pace,' she coughed pointedly.

'What?' he looked at her oh so innocently.

'My underwear,' she held out a hand.

'You don't need to put those back on, surely,' he sidled up close again looking at her with big eyes. She slid her hand into his back pocket and plucked them free,

'We're going to Dawsons where everyone sprawls around his room. This skirt is a little floaty for going commando. You like to look at me down there and that's fine, but no one else.'

'Fine, fine,' he pouted watching as she put them on.

* * *

'You're not going?' Dawson frowned as if he hadn't heard her properly, whilst Jen, Jack and Andie gaped at her like fish,

'Exactly. I'm not going to go to college,' she repeated, and seemingly as one they all turned to look at Pacey, which figured,

'Lady makes her own decisions,' Pacey held up his hands in mock surrender.

'But surely you don't _approve_ of this crazy plan?' Dawson asked.

'It's not my place to approve or disapprove,' Pacey began, 'do I like the decision? No. Do I understand it? A little. Does Joey deserve to go to college? Yes. Would she be truly happy anywhere other than Harvard? Well that's a no.' Joey slid her hand into his and squeezed because she liked his answer.

'Well I for one think you're throwing away all those years of hard work,' Dawson had turned back to her.

'I'm not throwing anything away,' Joey glared at him, 'I'm merely using it in a different way. I don't want to go to Bunker Hill Community College. It's nice and a good school, but it isn't where I want to be. Not when I had a place at Harvard. So I'm going to go to work, and I'm going to be excellent at it.'

'But college is about more than the education?' Jen looked utterly lost. 'I mean we were going to be in it together. What about living with me and Grams?'

'Well I'd still like to. Only you'll head off to Boston U and I'll go to a job. Hopefully a good one. I've applied for a position at the public library.'

'I actually get where you're coming from,' Jack had ceased gaping like a fish and had bitten into his sandwich, 'I mean,' he mumbled through bread, 'I associate you with all things academic so yeah, I'm gutted for ya, but really, if it's not right why do it.'

'You know I'm actually excited,' Joey told them half honestly. 'It's going to be different to what I was expecting all these years but different doesn't mean bad.'

'Well wow,' Jen nodded, 'ok. That's what you're doing, I'll support you.'

'Now tell them your news,' Joey nudged Pacey, clearly changing the subject, and as one they all turned to Pacey yet again.

'Nothing much,' he shrugged, 'switched to pre-med last week is all.'

'I never thought I'd live to see the day that news came to pass,' Dawson grinned widely, 'wow man, I'm proud of you. Apparently there is a way back from a snail ménage et trois.'

'Thanks D,' Pacey grinned. 'And for the snails that got eaten there was no way back.'

'Seriously Pace, you'll be an amazing doctor,' from Jack. 'I don't really understand all this snail business but I think this is a way better fit for you than law.'

'You're seriously trying to become more attractive?' Jen asked rhetorically. 'Because with your personality and all that six foot three height, this is going to definitely work in your favour.'

'It's a shame he's so ugly,' Joey mused sadly, laughing when Pacey elbowed her gently. 'You're gorgeous, you know it,' she rolled her eyes.

'I just...it's a great decision Pacey,' Andie was staring at him with an appreciation that Joey did not appreciate.

'I may not agree when I get there. I've heard it's a lot of work,' he quipped, and the others laughed.

'Pace will do great,' Joey smiled up at him but then looked at her hands, unable to swallow her disappointment completely.

* * *

'You don't seriously think Joey giving up on college is just fine?' Jen rounded on Pacey the minute Joey left for the washroom.

'I don't like it,' Pacey admitted, aware of all their friends staring at him.

'Don't like it?' Dawson stared at him. 'It's not right. She's lived and breathed the dream of college, and not just any college but an Ivy League college.'

'I'm working on something,' Pacey stated simply and Dawson frowned,

'Working on something? What's that supposed to mean? While you're working on it she's throwing away an opportunity to go to College at all.'

'You guys are gonna have to trust me, because I'm not getting her hopes up if I can't make it happen. I'm half way there but only halfway there. And if I can't make it happen fully it's up to Joey to decide how she wants to proceed..'

'But you're her boyfriend,' Dawson all but spat.

'Yeah, not her keeper. Of course I think college is a good idea, and I feel terrible that any of this has happened, but I can understand why community college feels pointless when she wanted and got Harvard. It has to be her decision.'

'But you have a plan?' Jen asked her forehead furrowed in concern.

'I do. And I'll know soon whether or not it'll work.'

'Ok,' Jen nodded. 'I hope you can work your magic.'

'So do I,' he shrugged.

* * *

'You disappeared again,' Joey frowned at him when she discovered him out the back of Leery's Fresh Fish pulling on his apron. 'For the whole day. This morning you said "see you at lunch," but you weren't on school grounds at lunch. You weren't in science or English or math. What's going on? I know you're the number one student these days so I'm sure playing truant isn't the best idea...'

'I wasn't playing truant,' he wrapped his arms around her and kissed her,

'Hey, there'll be no distracting me with kisses and wandering hands,' she peeled his hands off of her bottom and looked at him sternly. 'Where were you?'

'There was this last minute thing in Boston. Dougy took me up to Harvard to meet with the the medicine faculty...I had to sign this thing...'

'Oh. When did you find out?' she pouted.

'Gretch took the call last night, she called the B&amp;B, but we were on the boat. Bessie called Dougy and he caught me before my first class. I'm sorry. I didn't see anyone to get to tell you,' he did his best to look contrite but he was clearly in a good mood, his hands finding her ass and his easy smile breaking through the contrition as he kissed her.

'That doesn't feel like it's the whole story,' she appraised him astutely, surprised by his big, happy smile,

'Oh it's not darling, it's really not, but you don't get to find out about that until tomorrow.'

'The surprise,' she pouted again but he just kissed her bottom lip,

'That sexy little look won't work this time,' he shrugged. 'Though it does make me want to disappear with you to the storage room...'

'You guys started two minutes ago...there'll be no disappearing to the storage room,' Gale's voice, her boss voice.

'Sorry Mrs Leery,' Joey blushed and shimmied out of Pacey's grasp. Pacey just smiled engagingly,

'It's no good giving me the stink eye when I've caught you Mr Leery at it more times than I can count,' he smirked, watching Dawson's mom blush the same way his girlfriend had.

'You're lucky you're cute,' she chided sternly and looked pointedly towards the door.

'I'm going...'

* * *

'Ok, keep those eyes closed,' Pacey guided Joey with his hands across her eyes.

'You know, given the distance a blindfold would have made more sense,' she giggled.

'Ok, right you are, one sec...'

'What are you doing?'

'Fashioning a blindfold from your favourite shirt of mine that I just happen to be wearing.'

'I'm not a massive fan of the fishy shirt Pace,' she smirked as he tied it around her eyes, 'though it smells nice.'

'That's good considering the run around day I've had.'

'Talking of runaround days shouldn't we be at Leery's?'

'Actually no. Jen and Dawson are covering our shift, so you're officially free for the evening.'

'Wow Pace, the big guns,' she teased.

'Well I have something special that needs to be done and said, and well it can't be squeezed in between homework and waitressing.'

'Ok,' she pouted slightly, 'I don't know what it could be.'

'Well that's the point of a surprise silly,' he tugged on her ponytail.

'You know this blindfold is giving me ideas. Do we have time to squeeze this important thing in between kinky time?' she gave him a sultry look, and felt his warm body line up in front of hers, before the warmth of his mouth claimed hers,

'We'll see,' he grinned into the kiss, before sliding a hand down her arm and threading their fingers together. 'Come on though.'

'Where are we going?'

'You'll find out, just a bit further. Ok,' he stopped her forward momentum.

'Seriously? You put your hands over my eyes for a ten minute trek and blindfold me for the last thirty seconds?'

'What can I say, my mind got caught up with the idea of you blindfolded,' he lifted his shirt from her eyes. 'You can open your eyes,' he said and she opened her eyes to his smiling face. She shifted her eyes around.

'My wall,' her brow pursed.

'Yep,' he nodded and sat down on the gravel patting the space beside him. She sat and stared up at the words still on it, even after a year. 'I was gonna write something up there but I didn't renew the lease and that would have been willful destruction of property and that would have been my dad on me.'

'So why couldn't I see where we were going?' she giggled,

'Built the suspense,' he told her grandly.

'Ok, well what am I imagining is painted up there?' she looked at him and he rummaged in his bag before pulling out a pretty gift box. 'Ok?'

'This,' he said but she just stared at him. 'Just open it Potter.'

'What's in it?' she hesitated, unsure what might be happening, where Pacey was going with it all.

'Jeez lady, has no one ever surprised you? This is what it feels like - expectation and no knowledge of what's happening.'

'Fine, I'll open it,' she rolled her eyes.

'It's good I promise.'

Slowly she lifted the lid and pushed aside tissue paper, the first thing she discovered being a letter.

'A letter?'

'Yep,' he nodded. 'It's not for you but you can read it,' he watched as she pulled the paper from the envelope and read the letter.

'It's an acceptance letter for my place at Harvard,' she stared at him, dropping the letter to her lap.

'That's because we're going to go post that in a minute,' he stated with a smile.

'But I can't go,' she stated blankly and his smile grew,

'Oh contraire my gorgeous girl. You couldn't go but now you can.'

'How?'

'Well I did two things. One, I contacted the finance office and once I got through a stream of people who don't seem to know what they're talking about I found someone who did, and we discussed your case in some detail when I went up to Harvard yesterday. They managed to get you more aid. Not as much as you need, or would like but more...' he rummaged around in box and pulled the next envelope from it and handed it to her, watching as she read it through,

'So I only have to pay $9000 a year?'

'I know it's still a lot but it's a hell of a lot less than $17,000.'

'How? I mean I tried to talk to them but...'

'I have my ways,' he shrugged and she knew it was true. Pacey had always had ways and means of convincing people that his way of thinking was pretty legit, even when it wasn't.

'This is amazing, but that's still a lot of money, what with living expenses and...'

'Joey, have you finished opening your gift?' he asked patronizingly. 'No you haven't,' he rummaged in the box and handed her the next envelope, which she opened.

'What?' she frowned. 'What is this?'

'It's a cheque,' he told her rather obviously, because she knew it was a cheque, what she didn't understand is why it said fifty thousand dollars on it and was made payable to her.

'Huh?' she turned to look at him.

'You remember my grandma died and she left me some money?'

'Oh Pacey,' she stared at the cheque and then back at him, 'no, no, I can't, I really can't...' she pushed it towards him, into his hands.

'You can and you should,' he told her firmly. 'This wasn't a light decision you know. It's not something I haven't thought about and discussed with Doug. She left me a hundred grand not fifteen. That's a lot of money Jo and I need some of it. I do. I won't lie. But I don't need all of it. You need money and I have it.'

'I can't take money your grandmother left you. It feels wrong...'

'It isn't wrong,' he laughed softly into the quiet of the night, 'it's actually kind of perfect. Things are right between us Jo. I trust this entirely. I mean even if you weren't my girlfriend, you've been one of my best friends forever and I'd want to do this. Doug pointed that out. I'm certain of what you mean to me, and I'm pretty sure you are too. This is _our_ future,' he gestured to the cheque.

'Pace,' she stared down at their hands which were scrunched together with the cheque squashed in them.

'Don't say no Joey. Please don't. This is a chance for a future together. No college debts, no community colleges, but our dreams happening together.'

'But what if we're not together. What if you meet someone else, or I do? I can't see it happening but we're in high school and clearly it does happen - a lot!'

'It's ok. That was Doug's big hang up, until he pointed out that we've been friends our whole life. I'm never going to hate you Jo. Not ever. I'm never gonna stop wanting what's best for you. I want to do this for you and I can afford to do it, so just say thank you and accept it,' he was half excited and half anxious.

Joey stared at the cheque, at the college acceptance letter and the new financial aid package. Pacey was handing her not only the future she'd dreamed about, but the one she'd lost.

'Thank you,' she had barely whispered the words before he was crushing her tight against him and she was hanging onto him just as hard. 'There's conditions,' she gasped, barely able to breathe and he laughed, loudly,

'Of course there are, you wouldn't be you if there weren't,' he pressed impulsive kisses all over her face until she was laughing with him, and they were a tangled mess of arms and legs hugging and kissing on the gravel in front of her wall. Somehow she found his lips with hers and they were kissing, long leading kisses.

'Pace,' she broke the kiss with the murmur of his name.

'Hmm?'

'You are amazing. The most amazing person I've ever met. I love you.'

'I love you too,' he grinned at her.

'Could we maybe go somewhere less public?' she asked shyly and if his smile was a light he'd be on high beam,

'Well yes,' he answered, 'but first we're mailing this letter,' he plucked the acceptance letter from the discarded box and dug a pen out of his bag. 'Sign,' he gestured and she did. 'Ok, so let's go to the post office and make this real.'

'I can't actually believe it is real,' she closed her eyes, 'I really can't.'

'Well maybe instead of kinky time we can go and see Bessie and tell her. Maybe then it'll feel real.'

'You're passing up kinky time?' she looked at him with eyes shining like they hadn't in so long and he honestly didn't know whether he could actually pass it up, but he somehow he managed to nod.

'If it means you believe at this is real, that you're actually going to Harvard then yes,' he grabbed the gift box of envelopes and then her hand and dragged her towards the post office. 'Keep up doll and we'll make last post.'

'Doll?' she asked with a poignant arched brow.

'Thought I'd try it out?'

'Not got enough terms of endearment already?' she asked and he shook his head,

'Nope,' he stopped and pulled her in close before kissing her, 'there will never, ever be enough terms of endearment for you,' he proceeded to kiss her again, a kiss that grew increasingly out of control.

'I thought we were making last post,' she asked as his hands brushed way to high up her body for the centre of town.

'We are, we are,' but he kissed her again, his hands trailing down her back to the curve of her ass. 'Ok,' he pressed his forehead against hers.

'So are we going?' she asked him and he laughed wryly,

'Yep, just need to give me a few moments here,' he breathed deeply, 'I mean you walk away from a kiss like that and you're just walking away. Me - I'm being lewd in public. You have a pretty big effect on me you know?'

'I know,' she admitted, knowing she probably looked as pleased as she felt.

'Ok,' he closed his eyes.

'What do you think of?'

'Huh?' eyes open.

'When you're trying not to be turned on?'

'Oh,' he blushed, 'that's kinda gross.'

'Oh now I really want to know,' she widened her eyes, her whole face alive with amusement,

'Ok, but you're gonna regret it.'

'Tell me, tell me.'

'I tried the whole Mr Milo naked thing but really I can't hold that image in my head longer than a nano second and who'd want to? It just never worked. I've not seen Mr Milo naked...'

'Cut to the chase Pace.'

'I was the youngest kid, right? So we had this laundry bin in the bathroom. Every body's dirty crap went in this one giant bin and it stank Jo. This thing was gross and my sisters collectively were kinda gross, with their dirty clothes, my dad's sweaty vest, Dougie's sports clothes...it was a reeking, disgusting, sticky mess...yeah I said sticky because I was in charge of putting on the damn washing, I knew how gross and stinky and sticky it was.'

'Pacey, that's disgusting,' she wrinkled her nose with distaste.

'That's kinda why I think if it. If it wasn't disgusting it wouldn't do any good.'

'Well is it working now?' she asked and he nodded,

'Always does.'

'Why was it _sticky_?' she had to ask, a million different disgusting thoughts in her head.

'Oh, you really don't want to know,' he grimaced. 'Ok, good to go,' he took her hand and they headed to the post office and up to the counter. 'Hi,' he smiled engagingly at the lady, 'can we send this so it arrives tomorrow and so we know it definitely gets there?' The woman behind the counter took the letter and Pacey paid.

'Thank you,' she watched the letter go into its special envelope and into the mail collection area and felt happy in a way she hadn't for a long time. It felt like the world had suddenly opened back up and opportunity was once again hers.

'Let's go get you to Bessie.'

* * *

'I'm sorry, but you need to say that again,' Bessie and Bodie were staring at them like they'd grown horns, both of them with their mouths slack.

'She said she's going to Harvard,' Pacey echoed Joey's opening statement. She hadn't been very calm about it all, merely burst into the house and yelled it.

'But the money?'

'Pacey got them to increase my financial aid, and, well he's given me money to cover the rest,' Joey looked at him softly, but then Bessie swamped her view as she threw her arms around Pacey and actually started crying,

'Oh my god, thank you, I can't believe you...I mean how...'

'Let the poor boy breathe Bes,' Bodie teased and Bessie released him,

'I'm sorry, but I've been so distressed and then you've just...but how?'

'My grandma, she apparently liked me more than the rest of my family. She left me some money. The money cleared into my bank account today. We'll split it. It'll keep us mostly out of debt and Jo can pay her fees.'

'I'm not surprised my sister loves you, I love you,' Bessie kissed his cheek. 'That's a lot to give away. I mean, are you sure?'

'You sure can tell you two are sisters. Yes I'm sure. I worship the ground your sister walks on Bes. This way it'll be the ground near me,' he shrugged, and looked embarrassed as Bodie slapped him on the back and then hugged him.

'Ok, enough you guys, I'm taking Pacey out to say thank you.'

'You go, and forget the rules this week - stay where you want,' Bessie gushed, her arm around Pacey.

'You wanna give him a kidney as well?' Joey joked.

'If he wants my kidney he can have my kidney,' Bessie snapped at Joey jokingly.

'Whatever, it's your kidney,' Joey surrendered.

'I don't want your kidney, just your sister,' Pacey grinned.

'Sure, sure...' Bessie was getting a bit ridiculous, her hands rubbing across Pacey's back and his arms.

'We'll be going now,' Joey grabbed his hand and dragged him from the B&amp;B. 'I thought she was about to start begging for your babies,' she rolled her eyes.

'She got a little handsy,' he admitted.

'She's just happy,' Joey explained, 'you've given me what she wishes she could have and she's just thrilled. We Potter's get a little touchy when we're thrilled,' and as if to prove her point she slid her hands under his tshirt.

'You're going to get handsy with me?' he asked, clearly pleased.

'Hmmm, there's some shrubbery over there that's just the perfect make out spot.'

'I seem to remember it,' he nodded, as she tugged him hurriedly towards the dock and then off to the side.

'This,' she kissed him hard, 'is all about you...'

'Nope, today is all about you,' he argued.

'Who cares who it's about?' she asked as they tumbled in an unglamorous heap into the fauna.

'Not I,' he groaned as she pulled his body on top of hers.

'Off a sec,' she pushed him aside and peeled off her own panties,

'Joey,' he groaned his hand tracking up her thigh, before he pushed two fingers inside of her.

'Hmm,' she murmured appreciatively, but her hands were working on his shorts, pushing them over his ass. 'Forget foreplay,' she told him pushing his hand aside and drawing him to her with her legs, pulling him until the warm hard length of him pressed against her clit. She pushed her hand between them and repositioned everything so that with one final shove of her feet against his butt he was pushing into her, the whole thing messy but delicious, their clothes half on, the grass and branches beneath her uncomfortable, but the feeling of him in her, tight and close and perfect.

'You feel so good,' he pushed a hand up her top, squeezing gently at her boob, before closing his mouth over the nipple despite the layers of tshirt and bra.

'Move,' she begged, desperate to feed the pulse that beat almost painfully. Keeping his body close to hers he rocked on top of her, and it felt so close and so good it was almost painful. 'Again.' He moaned as he rocked again, before his lips claimed hers and his hips drove her practically crazy, never missing a beat but keeping a slow and steady movement.

'I'm going to come,' she hissed at length, her feet digging into his butt cheeks,

'Mmmm,' he mumbled, 'me too...'

'Together,' she begged, 'try.'

'Yeah,' was all he managed, as his body began to move slightly faster in and out of hers, still close, still delectable, until her whole body tightened up,

'Now,' she moaned and with one last thrust they both cried out. She could feel him pulsing inside of her and it felt amazing as she tightened around him. She tightened her arms and legs around him, holding him in place as she shook slightly, his kisses to her lips sloppy and full of affection.

'We should have gone as far as the boat because I'm not sure I can ever move again.'

'Hmm, agreed.'

'I feel suddenly nervous that either Bessie or Bodie might discover us so I'm going to...you know, not be on top of you half naked with my ass on display.'

'Boo, hiss. That's my favourite way for you to be.'

'It's my ass,' he kissed her before rolling off of her and somehow tugging up his boxers and shorts as she smoothed down her skirt. Pulling her back against his body he kissed her forehead, 'that was really good.'

'Hmm, yeah it was,' she smiled and smoothed her hand over his strong stomach.

'You do realize we're going to Harvard together?' his arms tightened slightly.

'I can still hardly believe it,' she half whispered, 'I mean, I really thought it couldn't happen, that there was no way it could. I actually can't believe you've made it happen for me...'

'The truth is Joey I need you and your boob nearby,' he teased, catching her hand as she thwacked him lightly. 'Ok, ok, so that was part of it. The other part of it was I couldn't see college being as fun without you there. I wanted us to experience it all together. It wasn't something I dreamed about and I guess my dream of college is tied up in yours.'

'You know I said there'd be conditions?'

'Don't ruin the moment by telling me them now,' he complained lightly.

'They're very simple really.'

'Ok, ok.'

'I'll only spend what I need to. What I don't need goes back to you,' she looked up at him and he nodded,

'Ok.'

'If you need the money you have to tell me.'

'Well I won't but ok,' he shrugged,

'Fine. Lastly, I'll pay you back...'

'No, no, this isn't a loan, it's a gift,' he stared at her, as if his stare could emphasize his words.

'I was going to add something,' she smirked.

'Oh.'

'I'll pay you back if we break up.'

'Huh?' he looked confused and she laughed,

'Well if we don't break up that means we're staying together and our lives are, you know, entwined. If our lives are entwined I guess that means we're working towards a shared future...with you know shared things...'

'You mean babies,' he grinned.

'I mean stuff,' she hedged and he laughed. 'So,' she continued still serious, 'I'll pay you back if our futures separate.'

'I don't really want you to pay it back ever...'

'Those are my conditions,' she stated carefully.

'Fine then, I agree.'

'Good,' she held out her hand and he took it and they shook.

'Anyone ever told you how romantic you are,' he murmured sarcastically against her neck.

'Oh shut it,' she pulled him to her and kissed him.

'You can't just kiss me to shut me...' He protested but she kissed him again.


	43. Chapter 43

**Ok so here is prom. I hope you enjoy it - please let me know;-) Thanks for reviews and feedback about where to go after graduation. Of course I'm going to beg for more reviews - I always beg for more reviews! **

**Enjoy, Tab:-)**

**Chapter 43**

**Prom**

'Wow. Where did you get that dress?' Pacey whistled softly as he stared at Joey in a floor length dark red dress that hugged her body in all the right places.

'Well you know,' she teased, 'I recently came into some money so when I was in New York with Jen, I picked this thing up from Bloomingdales. It only cost a small fortune.'

'Haha,' he rolled his eyes,

'Nifty second hand dress shop Jen knows in New York. Beautiful dresses at very reasonable prices,' she wrinkled her nose as he kissed her.

'Well you look beautiful,' he seemed honestly gobsmacked, 'I mean seriously Jo,' he nuzzled her neck.

'You look pretty beautiful yourself,' she murmured.

'We could skip prom,' he suggested, just a note of pleading.

'No way. I've got so much fun stuff planned. You'll get your nookie later.'

'Really?' he looked so pleased she kissed him.

'Duh,' she just rolled her eyes.

'So where's the limo?' he asked and she laughed,

'No limo darlin'. Can't waste college cash on a limo. We're getting there in a way that's much more fun.'

'Why am I instantly suspicious?'

'Can't imagine,' she tapped his nose with her finger. 'First of all, this is for you...' she handed him a box with a red and white coursage.

'It's lovely,' he smiled widely as she opened the box and placed it around his wrist.

'Oh my god Joey, don't start without me,' Bessie was suddenly there with her camera snapping away.

'Sorry, he was here,' Joey smiled. 'I couldn't resist, he looks so...well gorgeous.'

'Normally you make out until someone tells you to stop. I thought I had time to pee,' Bessie scolded.

'We didn't think it was wise to go down that path just now...not unless we wanted to miss prom entirely,' Pacey gazed at Joey, his eyes and face telling Bessie all she needed to know about his depraved thoughts,

'Head out of the gutter,' she whacked him around the back of his head.

'Ow,' he rubbed his head looking wounded.

'And that's why we need two cameras,' Bodie appeared, 'you can take the lovely posed photos and I'd take pictures of what really went on.'

'You should be more protective,' Bessie patted Bodie's chest, 'he thinks about Joey in an entirely depraved way.'

'She likes it,' Bodie grinned and even Joey looked scandalized,

'Everyone just shut up, ok?' Joey warned them all.

'Ok, ok,' Bessie held her hands up in surrender.

'And she looks at him the same way,' Bodie continued holding his hands up in protection as both Joey and Bessie hit him.

'She does, huh!' Pacey looked very pleased.

'Now hand me the camera,' Bodie took the camera from Bessie and snapped the posy photographs Bessie was so fond of, and a few more casual ones which Joey preferred.

'Now how are we getting to prom?'

'Rollerblades,' Joey told him with a casual shrug.

'Haha, how are we really getting there?'

'Rollerblades,' she pulled two pairs of rollerblades from behind the couch and held them out, 'tada!'

'Really?' he frowned.

'You said to go crazy, or be creative, or something like that,' she pointed out primly. 'We're stuck on the stupid cruise boat all night, so this way we can at least have fun getting to the dock.'

'It's gotta be three miles to the departure point?' a slow smile was spreading across his face.

'Better get our skates on then,' she grinned.

'You're a crazy gal,' he sat on the couch as if to put his skates on but then pulled her onto his lap. 'Do you know how long it has been since I last rollerbladed anywhere?'

'You go round the roller rink just fine,' she shrugged.

'I'm not wearing Dougie's pride and joy there,' he gestured to his suit.

'Stop being such a prima donna. Would you have rathered a limo? We stuck some streamers and stuff on the truck in case you threw a hissy fit?' she spoke softly, patronizingly, all the while patting his hand with hers.

'Oh I'm just fine to rollerblade,' he threaded his fingers through hers, 'but we hold hands and that way if I fall, hopefully I'll bring you down with me, and you can protect Dougie's suit from road rash.'

'So romantic,' she gushed and kissed him. 'Now skate up.'

* * *

'This is, without doubt, the most ludicrous mode of transport for prom ever,' Pacey told her keeping his eyes steadfastly on the road in front of them, his hand gripping hers tightly.

'I'm surprised you're so unsteady,' she gave him a look. Her stared at her, skating happily, her long dress hooked into a piece of string she'd tied round her waist. She looked totally at ease, and utterly gorgeous, her hair pinned into some fancy bun that could only have been Bessie's doing. Staring at her besotedly resulted in him nearly losing his balance but she held him upright,

'Eyes on the road sweetheart,' she quipped.

'Hmm, yeah...' he stared at the road. 'Why are you surprised, that was what I meant to ask before I got distracted looking at you.'

'Oh, ice hockey. You used to be pretty good. I figured ice skates and roller blades were much of a muchness.'

'Apparently there are more bumps on the street to unnerve me,' he told her.

'Well we're nearly there,' she shrugged.

'Don't get me wrong. I absolutely love that you had us rollerblade rather than a limo. A limo is so overdone and this...this I won't be forgetting ever. I'll be telling our kids about their crazy mom and her money saving schemes.'

'It wasn't really about the money,' she grinned, 'I just thought it would be funny.'

'Funny?' he arched his brow, his eyes crinkled in amusement,

'To both be rollerblading in these ridiculous clothes.'

'Your calling my tux ridiculous?' he gave her a look of incredulity.

'Well you look hot,' she clarified, 'I mean totally, rip your clothes off in an empty room on the boat hot, but it's kinda funny dressing up like this.'

'I happen to think there is nothing funny about you in that dress,' he told her pointedly.

'Ahh, but me in the dress with rollerblades on?' she looked so optimistic that Pacey didn't dispute it even though he happened to think she looked entirely beautiful and not at all funny, even with the rollerblades.

'Pretty funny,' he gave her a soft look.

'Don't give me that look or we'll miss the boat and my dress will get dirty,' she squeezed his hand.

'I can't help it if I think you look like an utter goddess. The rollerblades just make you look cool.'

'Cool?' she gave him a scathing look, 'I do not look cool. I have never in my entire life managed to look cool and if I was going to start, it wouldn't be with rollerblades.'

'I take back that entirely offensive statement,' he grinned.

'You better.'

'I've reconsidered and whilst I won't retract the goddess part, I will say you look ridiculous on rollerblades. They don't emphasize how long your legs are, nor do they have me imagining trying to do delectable things to you whilst we're both wearing them.'

'Honestly Pace, what goes through your mind? Wearing rollerblades? Seriously?'

'Absolutely,' he nodded. 'If you're having trouble imagining what I'm imagining I'm more than happy to demonstrate...'

'We'd miss the boat,' she gestured to the stream of limos passing them by, most beeping their horns at them, with some yelling from inside.

'Later?' he offered and she pondered the suggestion.

'I had a different plan for later,' she informed him.

'Than experimental rollerblade sex? You disappoint me.'

'I was a little more traditional in my after prom planning,' she explained. 'I don't think you'll be disappointed. We can do the experimental rollerblading sex tomorrow. I mean provided Gretchen is out. It doesn't strike me as a quiet or dignified experiment.'

'No dignity didn't feature heavily in my imagination,' he agreed. 'It sounds slightly less spontaneous when we plan it in like that.'

'So we'll go rollerblading one day soon and you can surprise me with it,' she rolled her eyes.

'Well no, tomorrow is good,' he smirked.

'Are you crazy?' Jen hung her head out of a passing limo.

'Of course they're crazy,' Jack grinned.

'Better speed up or you'll miss the boat,' Jen cat called.

'Anyone got a shoe I can throw?' Drue poked his head through the sun roof.

'Don't let them leave without us,' Joey yelled and Jen poked her thumbs up out of the car window.

'They won't leave with out us? I mean you did time this?'

'You worried Witter?' she looked at him. 'Don't want to miss all the dancing and frivolity?'

'It was more the clandestine removal of clothing in an empty room that you mentioned earlier,' he admitted.

'Is sex the only topic in that brain of yours tonight?' she asked in amusement.

'Well in my defence look at you! In that dress!'

'It's ok,' she assured him, 'my brain is fairly one track also.'

'So let's get on the boat, have sex and then we can enjoy the rest of the evening without feeling so antsy,' he seemed pleased with this but she shot him a sly look,

'Or, we spend the whole evening feeling antsy and het up and then when we finally do it, it'll feel all that much more gratifying.'

'Are you saying sex earlier wouldn't be gratifying?' he gave her a wounded look.

'Are we really going to spend the whole journey to prom talking about sex this year as well?' she asked and he nodded vehemently. 'Fine. Sex is always gratifying, but sometimes the wanting it is just as amazing.'

'I want sex on the boat,' he pouted.

'Sure Pace,' she laughed as yet another set of honking limos with yelling class mates passed them.

'I feel like we should bow.'

'I think if you bow you may trip and land on your head. Let's keep our heads up.'

'Thanks by the way,' he ran his thumb over the back of her hand.

'What for?'

'Agreeing to boat sex. It means a lot to me,' he said it seriously, his face a mask of sincere appreciation.

'You're such a doofus,' she let go of his hand and stopped. It took him a second to stop as well, and then skate back to her.

'Why did we stop?'

'I wanted a kiss,' she said simply and wrapped her arms around him, her feet rolling her until her body hit is,

'Bet you're getting why I want the rollerblading sex now huh?'

'Pacey, I love how much you ramble on about every little thing that comes into your head, but please just be quiet and kiss me for a second.'

'Sure,' he laughed as he kissed her.

'Well dammit,' she muttered breaking the kiss and taking his hand.

'What?'

'All I can think about is rollerblading sex,' she pouted. 'Let's get to prom before I decide we're not going.'

'Ok,' he chuckled as they headed down the slight hill to the yacht club.

* * *

'Joey,' Jen accosted them the minute they stepped on the boat, everyone else having found a table. 'When you said you didn't want to share the limo to prom I thought you had some other car planned. I didn't expect rollerblades,' she was laughing.

'I was still slightly down on all things academic when I planned how we'd get to prom. You know a little, "fuck you prom." I guess I couldn't think of a good reason to change my choice of transport.'

'I love Pacey's coursage,' Jen smirked.

'Very beautiful huh?' he waggled his arm in front of her face.

'He looks lovely,' Jack joined them, a big grin on his face.

'Everyone looks great,' Pacey offered up. 'Where's Dawson when we need a photo?'

'Behind you Pace. So you made it here in one piece?'

'She held my hand and kept me steady,' Pacey shrugged, 'which is good because Dougy would kill me if anything happened to his precious suit.'

'You're probably going to have to get your own tux you know Pace, Harvard is big on formals and doctors are always throwing some fancy shindig or another.'

'You speak from experience?' Pacey teased and Dawson laughed,

'My knowledge is entirely courtesy of Scrubs and Greys Anatomy.'

'Well maybe I'll just fail to give Doug back his suit.'

'Hmm, yeah, your brother would never miss it,' Dawson muttered sarcastically. 'Photo time then?'

'Best to get one before I spike the punch,' Jen told them brightly.

'Don't let me drink punch, it'll ruin my plans for later,' Joey whispered into Pacey's ear and could see his eyes dilate.

'Well don't let me drink it either then,' he put a hand on her hip, the warmth travelling through the material of her dress to warm her skin.

'She looks pretty, huh,' Jen teased Pacey lightly.

'Beautiful actually,' Pacey didn't take his eyes off of her, even when the classmate Dawson had accosted snapped the photo. 'Want to disappear now?' he breathed into her ear.

'Mmm,' she murmured in response slipping her hand into his and edging away.

'Seriously?' Jack looked incredibly put out. 'I had you making it to half an hour.'

'First ten minutes, pay up boys and girls,' Drue held out his hand to Jack, Dawson, Jen and Andie.

'You bet on us?' Joey looked horrified.

'I'm sorry Jo. I wasn't going to, but you know what Drue's like and they all had it wrong - or I thought they did. Seriously - less than ten minutes...' Jen rushed her words, looking guiltily at Joey's stricken face.

'You bet on us?' she repeated.

'Since you got into Harvard you've been, quite literally, inseparably,' Dawson informed her gently, trying to hide his smile.

'But you bet on us?' Her voice grew louder.

'Drue started it, you know we never would,' Jack stated optimistically. 'We just couldn't resist.'

'What exactly were the terms of the bet?' she frowned.

'That you'd sneak off for sex,' Jen explained. 'Simply that.'

'And how can you tell, I mean maybe we were going for drinks.'

'We can just tell. You get this look and you can't focus on anything but each other,' Jen explained,

'It's nice you know us so well. Mortifying, but nice. How much did you make?' she narrowed her eyes at Drue, watching him gulp,

'Ten from each of them,' he held up the cash he'd just been handed.

'Thanks,' Joey plucked the cash from between Drue's fingers. 'I guess I'll buy myself some new lingerie,' she gave them all a pointed look and tucked the cash down the front of her dress. 'Now we're off as predicted. We'll see you in an hour or so, depending on how we're feeling.'

'Just one thing,' Pacey held her hand and stopped her. 'Drue won? I'm honestly disappointed in the rest of you. You two in particular,' he pointed at Jen and Jack, 'you both know better than to think I'd resist for longer than ten minutes when she looks like that,' he tutted. 'As for you,' he looked at Dawson, 'really man?'

'To be fair I hadn't seen her dress,' Dawson grinned.

'Now Pace,' she tugged at his arm and he bowed slightly before walking off with her into the depths of the boat.

'You're not really mad?'

'Course not,' she rolled her eyes, 'but you know, forty bucks,' she smirked.

'Hmm, will you really spend it on lingerie?' his hand was on her butt, guiding her as they walked.

'Maybe on a post graduation party for everyone,' she admitted.

'Boo,' he pouted.

'Here,' she poked her head into a small room that looked as though it were a private sitting room or something. 'Do I really need the sexy lingerie Pace?' she looked at him batting her lashes, 'am I not enough for you?'

'Mmm,' he pushed the door shut and pressed her against it, 'any which way you're enough for me. Can't deny I love you in sexy lingerie though.'

'What do you think is under my dress?' she asked watching his eyes darken.

'I intend to find out,' he growled.

* * *

Joey couldn't stop laughing at Jen's impressions of Drue, as they chatted conspiratorially at the back of the boat.

'Where's Andie? She's never around anymore,' Joey asked, but Jen just carried on laughing,

'I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Apparently I spiked the punch a little too effectively.'

'I'm avoiding the punch,' Joey frowned.

'Why?' Jen looped her arm through Joey's.

'So I can seduce Pacey in the backseat of the Witter Wagoneer later,' Joey stated and then caught Jen's eye and began to laugh, especially as Jen gasped for breath,

'Oh my god, that's your big after prom plan?'

'I figured it was a prom tradition to have sex in the back seat of your parents car. Doug's parking it up at the dock for me.'

'So why can't you drink punch? I thought being drunk was part of that tradition too,' Jen was barely understandable through her giggles,

'Pacey doesn't do drunk sex. Well me drunk. Apparently I can't consent if I'm drunk,' she rolled her eyes slightly, even though she was proud of him.

'Oh man, he really is gorgeous. I should have hung onto him for the brief few moments when he was vaguely interested in a casual sex pact.'

'Mine,' Joey mock growled and Jen laughed,

'I know, I know. Keep him.'

'Planning on it. At least I don't have to worry about Harvard girls now,' she practically sang.

'Oh you need to worry. They're gonna be like velociraptors around baby bunnies.'

'Huh?' Joey stopped laughing and looked at her friend.

'He's the baby bunny, Harvard girls are the velociraptors. He's a catch Jo. You know it. I mean you're gonna be inundated yourself...'

'We're not talking about me...' Joey gripped Jen's arm,

'Fine,' Jen rolled her eyes, 'they're gonna be all over him, salivating. He's amazing and the fact that he's so madly in love with you will only make him more appealing.'

'So I should switch to premed, right?'

'No,' Jen laughed, 'just keep doing what your doing and you'll be fine. Just be prepared to fend off some pretty determined velociraptors.'

'Doing what I'm doing? What's that mean?'

'Organizing the delivering of his family car to prom just so you can have sex in the backseat...'

'Well that's just...'

'Disappearing off to the boiler room, to the innards of the boat...'

'So sex,' Joey frowned, 'basically I keep him with sex?'

'Not just sex,' Jen rolled her eyes yet again. 'You have something that just does it for him. Every little bit of you. The thing is being you, you're not exactly privy to listening to Pacey going on and on about you. He loves the way you bite your lip, how you roll your eyes, when you get all het up arguing over things that matter to you. He thinks you're funny, _really_ funny, and that you're amazing. You still give him butterflies - he can't get over that fact, that's how come I know...'

'Ok stop,' Joey interrupted. 'You said I have to worry. I'm confused - am I worrying or not worrying?'

'Pacey loves you. You don't have to worry about that. All I'm saying is you have to worry about the Harvard girls loving on him. They'll be throwing themselves in his way...'

'They'll be there to work,' she attempted.

'Well yeah, but look at him,' Jen gestured to where Pacey was stood with Jack laughing about something.

'You're right, they're velociraptors in Harvard sweatshirts. What do I do?' she stared across the boat deck at her boyfriend, looking at how ridiculously gorgeous he was, even in a tux - heck, especially in a tux.

'Just act like they don't bother you, I mean when you're with them. Keep being your honest self with Pacey. Don't let them bring lies between you, that'll be doom and destruction. Besides it's no secret that he likes it when you're a little possessive, just not too much.'

'Should I befriend the velociraptors?'

'Yeah I guess. Just remember that even if they look like lambs they have both teeth and claws.'

'Got it,' Joey nodded.

'And you be careful of the boys. They're gonna be all over you.'

'I think we all know I'm not going to be looking at other boys...'

'The point is they'll be looking at you,' Jen stated, 'and Pacey, he's not immune to jealousy. In fact he's pretty good at getting in deep.'

'True,' Joey smiled warmly in his direction, her smile only growing when she caught his eye and he did that smile of his, the one that was all for her, the one that promised wonderful things,

'Oh forget it. You two are gonna be fine, despite velociraptors.'

'Really?' Joey frowned.

'Yep,' Jen nodded.

'So you and Drue, in Boston, together?'

'Me and Drue in Boston, we'll see about the together. We're not an epic love story like you guys. We're a bit of fun, we'll see if love comes to play.'

'There's a little love surely,' Joey nudged her friend and gestured towards the dance floor where Drue was dancing badly, rewarded with Jen's giggles.

* * *

'You know I thought a prom on a boat would be lame. I mean you're literally trapped. Imagine something terrible happened, like some god awful breakup and then you're stuck on the boat...' Pacey slipped his hand a little lower on Joey's back, basically dropping it to her ass.

'You love it when we're trapped on a boat together,' she pointed out and he grinned,

'Well yeah, that's because it's just you and me,' he kissed her neck, as they shuffled with everyone else off the boat.

'So you enjoyed the prom?' she giggled and he nodded,

'I did. It was surprisingly fun and we got to slow dance, we got to get freaky in a room not intended for the purpose and I got to spend an entire evening looking at you in that dress, knowing you're mine and I get to take off the dress later. Well I mean I hope I do,' he squeezed her hand.

'Actually you may not manage to quite remove the dress,' she frowned.

'What?' he looked at her sharply, 'I really want to watch it drop and pool around your feet again, especially with that sexy underwear you have on...'

'Chill Pace, before bed you can unzip the dress...'

'Ok, good, you had me worried there Potter. I really need to see that dress fall again.'

'Well first of all we have part two of prom,' she smiled, as Jen turned and hugged her goodbye,

'Enjoy Pace,' Jen smirked as she waved.

'I want to hear nothing about it in the morning,' Dawson added, bundling into the limo after Jen.

'See you guys, now home James,' Jack stated to the limo driver.

'I on the other hand wanna hear all about it Witter,' Drue disappeared inside.

'Bye guys,' Andie murmured softly, before ducking into the limo after the others and then they were pulling away whilst waving out of windows.

'So what's our mode of transport this time?' Pacey asked, watching his girlfriend scan the parking lot.

'Aha,' she grinned, 'over here,' and she dragged him through the lot to the far corner and gestured triumphantly at the Witter Wagoneer, '_tada_.'

'Hmm, I'm not sure how I'm supposed to be feeling right now,' he frowned. 'It's my parents car.'

'Yes,' she nodded and looked at him expectantly.

'I'm driving us home?' he asked clearly not catching on,

'No, we're having sex in the backseat,' she rolled her eyes, 'it's a prom tradition, right?'

'That's your after prom plan?' he asked uncertainly and she nodded, suddenly unsure but then he was grinning, 'Oh my god but I love you.'

'So you're good with the plan?' she clarified and he laughed,

'Hell, I'm great with the plan. How'd you get the car here?'

'Doug,' she shrugged.

'He know what for?' Pacey tried not to smile,

'Well no, but surely it doesn't take a genius to figure it out, I mean I asked him to park in a dark, secluded corner.'

'Please, please get in,' he begged and she tried the back door,

'I asked him to leave it unlocked,' she explained, and shimmied along the back seat making room for him beside her.

'Hmm, I'm surprised at my brother,' he slammed the door shut and put his hand on her leg, way too high on her leg, the heat burning her skin through the fabric of her dress.

'He's a romantic at heart,' she shrugged and looked at him in the darkness, his eyes liquid in the moonlight. Without another word spoken, he was kissing her, kisses with clear intent, his body leaning into hers in the limited space. His hands finding her waist as he tugged her down on the seat, until she was somehow half lying on the seat and his body was covering hers. Despite the awkward position he was enthusiastically amorous,

'You know, prom tradition didn't really consider two fairly tall people in a small back seat,' he murmured as his thumb brushed over her breast and his kiss swallowed her moan.

'Complaining?' she moaned again softly as he somehow managed to slot himself between her thighs, the fabric of her dress gathering at her waist.

'Hell no, just means I have to be closer and more creative,' as if to prove a point he took hold of her legs and tugged gently so she was further down on the seat, 'God, is it wrong that I find this incredibly hot?' he rocked his hips against her before trailing a hand between them and brushing his thumb across her clit softly.

'Mmm, no,' she shook her head, her eyes closed. Emboldened by her soft moan Pacey pushed his hand beneath her panties and let his fingers dance in the wetness, his thumb making swooping movements across her clit which was totally not what he normally did and made her feel all strange inside, her stomach swooping pleasantly, and the familiar beat between her legs going crazy. As he pushed a finger inside of her, she moaned and her leg slipped from where it was balanced on the back of the drivers chair, landing on Pacey.

'Ow,' he winced as her heeled shoe hit his shoulder and neck.

'Sorry,' she couldn't stop the giggle from escaping after the apology.

'We don't need these,' with his free hand he pulled off one shoe tossing it in the front of the car, following it with the other. Having ridden her of her shoes he turned his attention back to his other hand and pushed a second finger inside of her and did the swooping thing across her clit again, his fingers curling up inside of her.

'Oh wow,' she gasped, suddenly desperate to touch him as well. She tugged at his shirt, gasping as he repeated the hand motion thing that just drove her half crazy with desperation for him. She managed to pull the shirt from his pants but there were so many buttons and the stupid cummerbund was in the way of his smooth, taut stomach. 'Fuck,' she hissed, 'too many clothes,' she tugged at his shirt, quite willing to tear the offending item from his body.

'Want a hand?' he chuckled, the noise low and husky and incredibly sexy, only increasing her frustration with his clothes.

'I wanna know why it's so easy for you to get to me but I have to battle with chastity cummerbunds and modesty shirts. Get it off,' she pouted.

'Ok,' he laughed again, pulling his hand out of her panties, making her growl his name in protest,

'Can't do both,' he shrugged as he removed the cummerbund and began to unbutton his shirt.

'Fine,' she manoeuvred her legs from around him and pushed off her underwear flinging them into the front seat with everything else,

'I can just imagine my dad tomorrow, pulling your lace panties from under the brake pedal,' he grinned, as he peeled the shirt off his shoulders. Joey licked her lips subconsciously at the smooth skin, the firm strength of his biceps and pecs, her hands moving to track across him, featherlight touches that ended up fluttering over the skin below his belly button. She gave him a look from under her lashes before rubbing her hand down across his erection, straining against the front of his pants, running it all the way down and then back up again. She looked him over, uncertain whether he'd ever looked more gorgeous, before flicking at his belt buckle and undoing the bottom and zip of his dress pants. His breathing was noticeably more ragged, a soft moan escaping as she pushed his pants down and ran a hand over him, squeezing him gently through his boxers.

'God, but I want you inside of me,' she murmured, 'I can feel it right here,' she put a hand between her legs causing Pacey to gulp, his tongue wetting his lips as he stared at her hand between her legs. 'It actually hurts because I want it so much.'

'It hurts?'

'It's like it's begging me to pull you between my legs.'

'I think you should listen to it,' he couldn't move his eyes from where her hand was still between her legs, a low groan sounding in the air between them as she pushed a finger inside of herself. His hands pushed at the waist band of his boxers without his conscious say so. She laughed softly and put both of her hands to his, pushing them aside so she could push his boxers out the way, until he was mostly naked, his erection right before her as he knelt awkwardly above her, his boxers and pants bunched unglamorously at his knees. None of that mattered though because he looked beautiful to her. He looked like her lover and her best friend, like the boy she'd known forever and someone new, someone whom she'd never know completely, who could constantly surprise her. Her hand brushed against his cheek and he leaned into it, allowing her fingertips to trace his lips and his eyes. Her fingers brushed against his jaw, over the light stubble, before trailing down his neck and over his collarbone. She trailed them across his chest, before they fell down and she wrapped them around his erection, loving how his eyes fell shut and his hips bucked just a little bit towards her. She ran her hand up and down his length, her grip just as he liked it. She kept up the movement, swirling her thumb over the tip and collecting the small droplet of moisture there, before slipping her other hand back between her legs. Pacey must have opened his eyes and seen the movement because he groaned loudly and his eyes remained fixated on her hand and it's movement between her legs, his hand coming to rest against her chest, caressing the swell still hidden under the fabric of her dress.

'Please,' he begged at length, his gaze still trained on her hand and the fingers she was pumping in and out of her body, his hand moving down her body to brush across her clit, as he pushed one of his fingers inside of her with the two of her own already there.

'Mmmm,' she felt his infinitely more skilled thumb take over from hers, and her body climb upward, ever upward, the feeling emanating out from between her legs until she felt like every nerve ending was waiting for her eventual fall, and as he continued to push his finger in with hers, his thumb swirling and pressing, everything seemed to fall as one, her stomach swishing, as everything focussed in on where his hand was and then rolled out through every limb, every nerve, every vein, her toes curling, her free hand gripping his arm so fiercely her nails pierced his skin, as her mouth opened and she let out a noise she didn't recognize. Whilst her body sought to right itself his hand was gone, taking hers with it and his body was between her thighs, and he was pushing into her, finally giving her body what it had wanted. He pushed all the way inside of her, his body as close to hers as possible and despite the cramped space, despite the awkwardness of clothes bunched up, it felt perfect, as though he'd never been closer which couldn't have been true, but with her orgasm still rippling through her, with everything sensitive and throbbing it did feel perfect. Still without moving he claimed her mouth in a fierce kiss, and still kissing her he began to move, slow at first, slow and close, her whole body immediately building up yet again.

'Oh,' she couldn't help the gasp, nor the way her legs wrapped around him, urging him to continue, to push into her harder, to push into her as deep as he could, his own noises and muttered curse words mixed up with declarations of love. 'I'm going to come again,' she whispered her teeth finding the lobe of his ear as her hands scratched across his back, her feet digging into the firmness of his ass.

'I can't...' he groaned ineloquently, his hips moving harder and faster against her, his hand grasping at her thigh and pushing it upwards creating more room for him to move, and giving him a view of his cock moving in and out of her. 'Fuck,' he cursed and then she cried out, her eyes squeezing shut and he could feel her orgasm contracting her around him and with one final thrust he came hard, his whole body shaking as he spilled inside of her, his lips claiming hers in a heartfelt kiss.

'I never knew doing it in a car would feel so good,' she pulled his head against her chest as he collapsed on top of her.

'Hmm,' he muttered still incapable of speech

'Not very dignified,' she giggled softly as her feet pushed at his clothing still bunched around his knees.

'Fuck dignified,' he muttered into her chest.

'Hmmm, yeah, I think I agree.'

'Best prom ever,' he told her sleepily.

'The plan wasn't to sleep here,' she poked him in the side gently.,

'Where are we sleeping?'

'Boat - where else?'

'I'm so tired Joey,' he looked up at her and she smiled because he was ridiculously cute,

'All we gotta do is remove all evidence from the car and stumble down to the dock. It's not so bad.'

'Could just sleep here,' he nuzzled his nose against her boob and closed his eyes.

'You're still inside me,' she pointed out with a giggle,

'Makes morning sex hassle free,' he smiled against her body his eyes still shut.

'I'll sleep naked but only on the boat. This isn't comfortable. The seat belt bit is digging into my hip and my head is half against the door.'

'Fine, fine, you spoil sport,' he pouted as he clambered up and off her, pulling up his clothes and doing up his belt.

'We don't leave this car without my panties,' she warned as she pushed her dress down and he smirked,

'Though I would love to see my dads face...'

'I love you Pace but no way.'

'Fine, fine, I'll find your panties,' he kissed her impulsively before climbing into the front. 'Thanks Jo - you did a brilliant job of prom.'

'You were impossible to beat so I decided to have fun with it,' she shrugged.

'You did good,' he winked and she loved how it made her feel.

'So did you,' she leaned into the front and kissed him.

'Ok, now let's find your undies,' he switched on the car light.


	44. Chapter 44

**Hi everyone,**

**So this is it - the last chapter! For a one parter this thing certainly grew! Thanks for the support and the reviews - all of you, most especially those who've given me feedback on nearly every chapter. T80 especially has offered a lot of helpful advice when I've hit a block - so thanks!**

**I love reviews. I really, really do. I'm planning a two part epilogue...hopefully to appear in the next week or so, but please review! For the prom chapter I only had feedback from 4 people (thanks) but I felt all unsure as a result - yes I'm begging for reviews because I'm that needy - if you've read and enjoyed it let me know! Please, please, please! **

**Chapter 44**

'So have you heard his speech?' Jen narrowed her eyes at Joey across the table. Pacey sat next to his girlfriend gave a secretive smile and carried on reading, making occaisonally marks with his pen, his notebook shielded from view.

'No,' Joey pouted.

'Use your wiles,' Jen mouthed causing Jack to snicker.

'I have been. Excessively but he's not willing to share,' she deliberately nudged her left handed boyfriend who shot her a glare. 'Sorry,' she muttered sarcastically.

'You can try again, I don't mind,' he offered, his glare morphing into that little smile of his,

'I can barely walk, so dream on,' she prodded his side and he laughed before going back to his book.

'Really Jo, I'm disappointed in you,' Jack shook his head.

'You shouldn't be,' Pacey muttered in a low voice, shaking his head slightly.

'He's never had any intention of sharing, he's just taken full advantage of my efforts to convince him.'

'Well Pace, I'm proud of you,' Jack altered his tone and shifted his gaze to his friend who caught his eye and smirked.

'Hey guys,' Dawson pulled up a chair and sat down, and the subject shifted to a summer project he had planned. Joey's attention was on Dawson when she felt Pacey's warm breath in her ear,

'We're running out of boiler room opportunities,' he placed a warm hand onto her hip. She leant over and whispered seductively in his ear,

'And I seriously can barely stand up.'

'I admit the rollerblading sex wasn't a huge success,' he whispered, nuzzling his nose against the pulse point behind her ear.

'The sex was great, the spectacular fall when you came - less so.'

'I'm sorry I landed on you,' he bit the lobe of her ear, gratified with her shiver. 'I won't make you stand,' he offered, his fingers trailing patterns on the skin at her waist beneath her top, 'just come to the boiler room with me...'

'Pace,' she half complained, half sighed.

'Maybe I can test my speech out...' he offered and she turned to look at him with a fierce glare,

'You will not, that's just an attempt to convince me. I know better now Witter and I'm not going to try and convince you to share with sex.'

'But that was so much fun,' he grinned at her wrath and her face softened,

'It was,' she agreed wrapping a hand round the back of his neck, and looking into his eyes. 'Maybe Harvard will have a boiler room,' she ventured and his eyes darkened,

'Or a secluded corner of the library,' he offered.

'Ooh,' she murmured taken with the idea, 'sex and books.'

'You like that huh,' he nuzzled her neck again before placing a warm kiss on her skin.

'Maybe,' she answered coyly, drawing his face to hers so they could engage in a languid kiss. 'Ok,' she breathed.

'Ok?'

'Boiler room,' she clarified and his face lit up as he stood abruptly, shoving his notebook into his bag and holding out his hand to her.

'Subtle Pace,' Jen stated loudly rolling her eyes,

'Hmm, yeah,' he blushed, but tugged Joey beside him.

'We'll see you later, out front,' she smiled sweetly.

* * *

'So you're ok with your speech?' Jack fixed Pacey with a look.

'Because if you want us to listen to it, or you know give it a once over...' Dawson offered.

'I'm good,' Pacey fixed the preposterous hat on his head and rolled his eyes at his own reflection, an action which made him think of Joey, which in turn made him smile, 'I don't know how they'll take the speech but I figure they made me valedictorian for a reason.'

'Are your parents coming?' Dawson asked carefully and Pacey shot a look across the room where Joey, Jen and Andie were chatting.

'Who can say,' he shrugged, 'Joey lost it with them at Sunday dinner...I mean in a very Joey way. She wasn't rude, but she was slightly incensed when my dad said he might be working and mom muttered something about doing a favour for "Irene" that day. Dougy took Jo's side, so we'll see.'

'Do they believe you're going to Harvard yet?' Dawson asked and Pacey shook his head,

'They're doubtful I'll be graduating high school - my pops didn't want to be embarrassed - to witness one of my pranks, that was why he decided he was going to work today.'

'They're unreal,' Dawson shook his head.

'Hurtful and pathetic,' Jack added with a sour expression on his frequently happy face.

'It's ok. Why do I need their approval,' Pacey attempted.

'You don't need their derision either,' Dawson pointed out and Pacey sighed,

'I spent years trying to please that man, now I only, answer to one, formidable person and here she is,' he smiled widely at Joey.

'Well we all look ridiculous,' she smiled, straightening Pacey's hat and robes before frowning at Jack and doing the same for him.

'You really have something against occasion wear don't you?' Jen appeared beside her.

'What do you mean?'

'You claimed tux are ridiculous, formal dresses are ridiculous and now these graduation gowns...' Jen looked over her get up, 'which yeah are kind of ridiculous.'

'I like how the tux and dresses look, I suppose it's the expectation of dressing up in them, that somehow a boat or the school gym is fancy because we're wearing fancy clothes...'

'You just get shy when everyone is looking at you,' Pacey teased taking her hand.

'Maybe,' she shrugged.

'Ok, ok, photos before we're all separated by the alphabet,' Dawson ordered as they headed out of the classroom and joined the crowd of family members, Mitch taking the camera, as Bessie and Bodie, along with Doug, Gretchen, Grams, Mr McPhee and Jen's mom crowded round, everyone talking at once as they arranged them for a group photo, photo's in pairs, single photos and probably every other photographic combination possible.

'See my family came,' Pacey attempted joviality, gesturing to Doug and Gretchen.

'There's still time,' Joey reassured him.

'I should know better than to look to them for validation but you know, old habits die hard.'

'Of course they do,' she pressed her hands to his cheeks, 'I'm here. We're all here. Bessie and Bodie are here as much for you as they are me. Same with Mitch and Gale. Dougy and Gretchen and even Grams.'

'Thanks,' he murmured softly, leaning forward to kiss her.

'I can't wait for your speech.'

'I still think it should be you up there,' he admitted but she just shook her head.

'You're something special Pace - share that with everyone.'

'Ok,' he rested his forehead against hers before kissing it. 'Go join the P's and I'll see you after.'

'You sure will Witter,' she watched him head to the end of the line, where he looked back at her and blew a kiss. She blew one back and turned around to find Jack laughing at her from a few places ahead. Jen and Dawson were next to each other and whilst Dawson shot her a gentle smile Jen stuck out her tongue. With a quick smile at them all she slipped into place so they could file into their seats.

* * *

Joey watched as Pacey received his diploma and couldn't quite hold in her enthusiasm, clapping loudly and jumping to her feet. Apparently she wasn't the only one, all of their friends, several other classmates and lots of parents all stood and clapped. As the last in the alphabet he stayed on the stage as had been rehearsed, as Principal Peskin waited for them to quieten.

'I'd like to introduce to you the winner of this years pinnacle award, our senior valedictorian, Mr Pacey Witter,' he stepped back and as Pacey stepped up to the podium the clapping which had only just ceased began again, this time louder and more enthusiastic. Joey clapped but her eyes were fixed on Pacey. Pacey stood and shuffled slightly, shuffling his notes and coughing before catching her eye and smiling,

'Principal Peskin, families and fellow classmates, I stand here -probably as surprised as you are - to be your valedictorian. It is an honour to be chosen as valedictorian and I think I know why I was chosen for valedictorian even if you don't. I'm ranked first in the class and I'm going to Harvard to study premed - I mean, that's usually how valedictorian is chosen. However, I don't think that alone was the reason. Up until the second half of junior year I was flunking pretty badly. I believe I'm stood up here in front of all of you as an example of what hard work can achieve. The thing is, despite what others may think, I'm not stood up here because of hard work alone.

To anyone who knew me years ago, or has been absent from my life for the last couple of years, you are probably wondering how it is that I'm up here. Your confusion doesn't surprise me. So I'm going to tell you the story of how I managed to earn this honour.

One of my first memories is of my father reaming me for striking out at a game of pee wee baseball. I was 8 years old and I remember my father turning to my brother and saying "at least I have you.' This wasn't long after my second grade spelling test. I'd done well - gotten my first one hundred percent. However I'd never done well before and I was accused of cheating. No one defended me and I got a zero for the test. Why tell you these stories? Is it to show you how the town loser, the designated black sheep embarrassment to a perfect family, can come good? No. But I do want to talk about designations and how they only hurt people. Psychologists have seen evidence that we suggest we shouldn't classify children into types - the clever one, the sporty one, the artist, that it narrows our potential and alters how we view ourselves. As children potential should be broad and unspecific. The thing is we can also be classified negatively when we are kids - the troublemaker, the screwup, the loser, the stupid one, and just like the positive classifications narrow our potential and alter how we view ourselves, so do the negative ones.

I was called a looser, a screw up, a stupid waste of space more times than I could ever recollect. And so I was all of those negative types - I screwed up, nearly constantly. I wasn't good at academic work and I lashed out. I played the class clown because I'd been designated as such, and that was all I had so I figured I may as well own it. I was a loser, I was stupid and I got into one disaster after another. Working to bring up failing grade in science sophomore year I decided to initiate a little snail ménage et trois,' he chuckled wryly and several people laughed, 'only one snail was carnivorous and ate the others so my science partner and I went hunting for snails. I neglected to tie the boat up and it drifted. That's just one small example. There's the rumour of a certain teacher and me, the unfortunate incidence of a basketball and my face. I've gotten into fights, spat in a teachers face - though he truly deserved it, and generally been one of those students teachers can't stand - an academic low achiever who was frequently in trouble. It never failed to keep me uninspired when I witnessed the teachers bending over backwards for the honour roll students but couldn't wait to get rid of me, a student who actually needed help,' there were a few claps from classmates at this.

'So what changed? How is it that I am the example stood up before you of academic excellence? I didn't suddenly decide to work, and I certainly wasn't brilliant at reigning in my troublesome streak as Principal Peskin can testify after his unfortunate discovering of myself and another senior making out in the boiler room,' Pacey coughed and caught Joey's eyes, waiting for the whistles to die down before continuing, 'so I didn't reign in my tendency to bend the rules and get into sticky situations, and I didn't suddenly decide to work hard. The thing that changed was how I saw myself. By the middle of junior year I began to think differently. I thought I might be smarter than people believed, smarter than I believed and I began to think that I deserved more. That I could achieve more, and that it might even be fun. So what changed my negative view of me?

We're always told that we're the ones who change our destiny, that we have to believe in ourselves, but I would dispute that. Children aren't all born into homes where they are esteemed, or where life is necessarily easy. Parents die, they do crappy things and they are absent from their kids lives. Then there are the ones who are around, who drink, or suffer from mental illness, who dislike or resent their kids. Some kids are born fighting to believe that they are anything more than a waste of space. It's all very well to tell people to look inside themselves for the strength to be great, but if you're raised, or barely raised to feel that you are useless and that you lack potential it's hard to break free of that, especially when it is reconfirmed by other adults and even other kids around you. That's why teachers have such an important role. For most children they are the only other adults who can make a difference, and unfortunately they're working with children who think very little of themselves, who seem to constantly live up to their poor reputation. It's an awful truth that low expectation of a child is a self fulfilling prophesy. I'm proof of that. Because for a long time nobody in my life expected anything of me - except for me to screw up. I was a loser. They thought I was and so I was. Even my guidance counsellor told me I'd amount to nothing listing my failings and how they would only ever continue. The best I ever got was that I had potential but didn't meet it. So, the secret to my success. I guess that's what they stood me up here to share with you. I could give you the simple answer - wanting to impress the most beautiful girl in the world. Wanting to be around her, literally _all the time,' _again he paused as people laughed, whistled and looked at Joey.

'But the simple answer isn't the whole truth. The answer wasn't just falling in love with a pretty girl who liked to study and let me study with her - even if that didn't hurt. The thing is she managed to change the way I saw myself. I'm not gonna lie - she wasn't the first girl who told me I could achieve if I only tried,' he shot a quick look at Andie, 'but she was the one who managed to change the way I saw myself, and that...that is what allowed me to do what was necessary to be stood up here today. She said that I was clever and that was nice and I enjoyed hearing it, but she repeated it a lot and with sincerity. She saw intelligence in things that weren't necessarily school related and allowed me to see that it wasn't always about the A grade - that intelligence is often most apparent in the way we treat others.

So, I'm up here because I was lucky enough to find people who saw through the screwing up, the clownish behaviour, the dire academic record and allowed me to mentally change how I saw myself, and thus achieve. What I want to ask each of you is, had Joey not wanted me, had she wanted me but not become convinced of my general wonderfulness, and if I were here barely achieving a high school diploma - would I have proved everybody right? What if I weren't destined for academic greatness, because you know not everyone is? What if I wasn't a sporting God, or a math whizz? What if I was painfully mediocre, or in fact terrible at school in every way. What about me then? I guess I'm suggesting to you all, as you go out into the world, that you may be the star or the person that flunked high school but you can achieve and you can be decent - in the way we interact with others. There is so much criticism of the word nice, but do you know what, if you go out in the world and you're nice you can bring yourself some success. Or that's what I would hope.

We stand here today, theoretically all equal with our graduation from high school. But there is not one of you stood before me who actually believes that to be the truth. We are not starting our adult lives from an equal platform - we have the academic greats, the academic mediocres, the academic lows and the academic fails. We are not starting equally. Some of us are going to Harvard, Princeton or Yale, some to excellent state universities and some to community college. Others leave today to forge a future from the grassroots. Some may even leave with the plan to have a long stretch of vacation or even with the motivation to do nothing and the belief that they will not achieve. But as we leave maybe you can take the message that Capeside High taught me - try not to label others, try not to judge them and don't put them down in an effort to elevate yourself. We aren't all wonderful at everything, and some of us lack even the basic belief in ourselves to behave as though we're good at anything, or to even try. It's not a solution to all of life's problems but it is a start. Go out in the world and be nice - _that_ is my big advice. Working hard will do wonders but without the nice, success will be limited. So with a touch of half heartedness I thank our teachers. Hopefully my transformation from academic drop out to valedictorian has taught them that anything is possible, and to not judge a student too quickly, and that perhaps helping the students who seem not care, who seem to lack the ability, who lack the faith in themselves, is as important as helping the academic high fliers. I also thank all of you. Those of you who used to reiterate the lack of faith in me, thank you for being here today so I could prove you wrong and to those of you who have known from such a young age how to treat others with decency and kindness and without judgement, I say thank you whole heartedly. Good luck class of 2001 and congratulations,' he gestured to the students who clapped and hollered, family members and classmates standing to applaud. His eyes fleetingly landing on his parents who had apparently come, but then finding Joey who was flinging her cap in the air with everyone else, he all but skipped off stage to pull her into his arms.

'Great speech Pace,' she smiled at him, a huge genuine smile and then they were kissing, and neither cared about the bustle of their classmates, the flashing cameras, the friends attempting to pose with them for pictures. At length they parted and he kissed her softly on the forehead,

'I know, it was a little off kilter compared to the normal valedictorian speeches but they wanted to hold me up as an example and I thought it would be best to be honest.'

'Oh I don't think it was what they were expecting. We on the other hand couldn't be prouder,' she looked around them where their friends were gathered.

'I should probably go face the music,' he sighed looking to his parents who were stood talking with his siblings, and then the principal. Pacey looked like he might be sick.

'Should you? Really I think it's them who are gonna be facing the music. You called them to account Pace. And you did it beautifully.'

'Proud of you man,' Dawson clapped him on the back.

'Seriously proud,' Jack agreed.

'I appreciated my shout out,' Andie smiled.

'You ruled it,' Jen agreed, 'let them come to you. For once in their lives.'

'But they might not come,' he murmured looking at the ground.

'They will. At some point they will. They're probably feeling ashamed at this moment and unsure of how to approach you,' Joey squeezed his hand,

'Even Dougy and Gretchen are standing back,' he tsked bitterly.

'Don't be bitter Pace,' Dawson urged, 'you deserve to be, but don't let it ruin today.'

'Pacey Witter,' Gail Leery's voice rung out and she held out her arms and wrapped him in a tight embrace, 'I could lie but I won't - I never thought I'd see the day. I knew you had it in you, but seriously...I couldn't be prouder of you.'

'Thanks Mrs Leery,' he blushed.

'All of you,' she grasped her son into a hug and then Joey,

'I bet Bessie can hardly contain herself,' she smiled,

'Well now I'm going to Harvard she's more in the party spirit,' she shifted, slightly uncomfortably, as Bessie and Bodie joined the gathering, dragging Grams, Mr McPhee and Jen's mom with them.

'Gangs all here,' Pacey muttered.

'One second,' she kissed his cheek and stepped up to Bodie and Bessie. He watched her talk animatedly and gesture for a couple of minutes, her family remaining relatively silent and nodding, before Bessie said something very forcefully, and then Joey was back beside him, 'come on.'

'Where are we going?' he asked as she dragged him through the crowds, people offering congratulations and praise on his speech resulting in slow progress.

'Just away for a minute,' she pulled him up the steps of the school and dragged him down the corridor before looking up and down and dragging him into the boiler room,

'Well that's my kinda thinking,' he grinned, his lips claiming hers and his hands pulling her roughly against him where he was already hard.

'We're not here for sex,' she chided softly.

'We're not?' his disappointment was palpable.

'We'll be having a lot of sex later,' she told him, 'so there's no need for the pity party. I think I've already told you this, probably in a million different ways and I know you know it but thank you.'

'Huh?' he stared at her with confusion.

'I'm not thanking you for the money or for sorting out...well my life in general, but for something much simpler. We've been together for over a year and I'm more madly in love with you than ever...'

'That feeling is mutual,' he interrupted and she chastised him with a glare.

'But the thing is you've given me so much more than I think you understand. You...you made reference to me in your speech, but I don't think you know what you gave me. When you used to hold me, when you let me fall quite literally into your arms you didn't just provide solace and physical comfort - you made the world slow down and right itself. You hugged me, tightly, when no one else even touched me. I used to need you so much, and I couldn't even begin to describe how or why to myself let alone you. Since we were so young I have trusted you entirely with myself, that you would protect me, even from myself. You used to hold me and my heart would calm and now it's all crazy because you right the world but my heart goes crazy,' she lowered her eyes at his smile, 'I brought you here because I wanted to hug you. To try and bring a little calm after that speech. I could see you tensing and fretting over your family, and today your success shouldn't immediately be marred by that. I wanted to give you the space to reflect on what you've actually achieved and to actually let it sink in.'

'And you always say I'm something special,' he murmured as she pulled him close and wrapped her arms tightly around him. For a good few minutes they stayed like that until he breathed more easily.

'You good?'

'Yeah actually,' he nodded.

'Good because I wanted to talk about something from your speech.'

'You did?' he looked slightly worried but she rolled her eyes,

'It was an excellent speech. You made a really interesting point though, about what if you'd not done well. If I hadn't convinced you of how wonderful you are, or maybe if I'd responded more like I think we both expected when you and I first got together...'

'You mean what if I'd barely graduated?'

'Yeah. I just wanted you to know that I agreed with what you said, that being nice is most important and that there is more to intelligence than academic success.'

'What are you saying here?'

'With your personality, with your innate kindness, all the traits that make you you,' she wrinkled her nose with the effort of expressing herself properly, 'I'm trying to say that even if you'd barely graduated, or not graduated at all - I would still think you were something special and I'd still think you were extremely clever...even if it wasn't with academics.'

'You would?' he smiled brightly, the kind of smile that made his eyes shine and her heart skip a beat,

'Yes. _Which I have said before!_ No doubt you'd be plagued by self-hatred and despair, but I think I'd always believe you're something special.'

'You're pretty awesome yourself,' he wrapped his arms around her waist under her gown, the mood shifting to amorous, his fingers playing with the edge of her top.

'Well done,' she kissed him soundly, a kiss he changed with a slip of his tongue into her mouth, tangling it with hers as his hands pulled her closer against his body.

'We can't have sex,' she moaned into the kiss.

'Why not?' he pouted again.

'Bessie gave me ten minutes and she said if I wasn't back she'd come and get me and that she'd heard enough of our conversations, and mine and Jen's to know where to come.'

'I don't really fancy your sisters wrath,' he nodded stepping away from her.

'Or her staring at your bare ass.'

'Or that,' he nodded, reaching for her hand.

'Or worse Bodie. I'm pretty sure he and Bes discovered this room at high school.'

'Well ok, no need to continue, let's just head on out.'

'Better?'

'Much,' he smiled and they headed out of the boiler room, down the hall and into the bright sunshine.

'Pacey,' his dad's voice stopped them in their tracks. Joey looked down into the crowds and made eye contact with Bessie, noted that Mrs Witter, Doug and Gretchen were with their friends.

'Pops,' Pacey immediately tensed, she could feel it in the grip of his hand, and the rigidity of his body next to hers.

'I wanted to talk to you. Would Joey mind?'

'I mind. You can speak freely in front of her. We don't exactly have any secrets.'

'Ok,' John Witter shifted uncomfortably, as though the ground beneath him was shifting and he couldn't quite stand still. After a silence that was really too long he spoke, 'that was quite the speech.'

'Probably not the speech they hoped for when they made me valedictorian,' Pacey admitted and his dad actually smiled and let out a gruff laugh,

'No I don't suppose it was, but it was honest.'

'I could have said more,' Pacey pointed out.

'You could have said a lot more,' his dad acknowledged. 'So it's true...you're going to college...'

'Yes it's true,' he rolled his eyes.

'And you're going too?' he looked to Joey who shifted uncertainly not knowing what knowledge John had about Pacey's financial contribution.

'She is,' Pacey answered simply.

'I'm studying literature,' she mumbled, surprised by her nerves, her heart racing.

'It can't have been easy...working from where you were up to first place.'

'No,' Pacey answered, 'it wasn't easy.'

'But you did it,' his dad looked him in the eye for the first time. 'For what it's worth, I am sorry,' his voice cracked on the word and for a long time there was silence.

'I hear what you're saying. I do,' Pacey seemed to calm and Joey looked at him in awe, 'but I have to wonder whether you'd be sorry if I hadn't graduated today, if I was in a position where your apology would have meant everything.'

'I honestly don't know,' John pressed his fingers to his head as though it hurt and the silence stretched, 'I think I've been sorry most of your life. You think I don't know I've treated you mean, that I've been hard on you. It never felt good but I couldn't ever seem to change it. I'm just thankful you've managed to change it for yourself.'

'Ok,' Pacey nodded, seemingly unwilling to offer his father absolution.

'I'm proud of you Pace,' his dad's words seemed to hang in the air and Joey looked to Pacey who seemed to be holding back the emotions those words caused.

'I'm sure you are,' he managed to say and then squeezed her hand so hard it hurt, 'now,' the word was clear but full of emotion and with a nod in his father's direction he turned and headed down the stairs, taking her with him, until Doug was manhandling him into a bear hug and slapping him on the back, Gretchen throwing herself into the mix. Only then did he release her hand from his vice like grip.

* * *

'So we're graduates,' Jen mused as she and Joey sat on the back porch of Pacey and Gretchen's beach house, looking out to sea where the dappled moonlight reflected off the waves. The house was mostly packed away, ready for Gretchen's return to New York and for Pacey and Joey to sail for the summer before heading to Boston. It had been agreed that Pacey could stay at the B&amp;B when they were in Capeside working at Leery's. The siblings had agreed to one last big party before the lease expired and it seemed fitting that it should be a graduation party.

'And we'll be together in Boston,' Joey smiled, 'which is good because I don't make friends easily and I'm not sure what I'd do without my best friend around.'

'You seem to have a lot of best friends these days,' Jen teased.

'But only one is a girl,' Joey pointed out and Jen giggled.

'True. And one of the best friends has a thing for your breasts. Always staring at them during conversations,' Jen nodded,

'And the other is my boyfriend,' Joey quipped making Jen laugh,

'Dawson doesn't stare at your breasts, or suggest clandestine meetings in secluded places...' she chided.

'Ok, ok, not any more he doesn't,' Joey agreed. 'But he's a boy and our best friendship, whilst in tact, was altered irrevocably by me falling in love with Pace. So yeah I have Dawson, Pacey and Jack, even Andie a little, but really it's you.'

'Well considering I have the same, really it's you as well.'

'Awww, we're being uncharacteristically mushy,' Joey wrapped an arm around Jen,

'It's that end of an era thing,' Jen sniffed. 'I mean we'll still be close and we'll make plans but there's inevitably gonna be change as we meet new people.'

'I'll hate them on principle,' Joey teased and Jen grinned.

'Likewise.'

'Oh come on, who are you trying to kid? You're far more likeable than I am! I mean let's look at our first conversations. I gave you a play by play of my pitiful life...'

'I admired your candid honesty,' Jen responded kindly, 'and even though you hated to admit it you did tell me Dawson liked me.'

'Yeah I did I suppose. Then I went on to question your virginity, lied about myself and was rude about your hair. I'm a real princess,' she rolled her eyes.

'You know what. You're right, you are entirely screwed and you're not gonna make a friend at Harvard, well unless they're a lesbian.'

'Huh?' Joey turned with confusion to Jen.

'Jealousy. If the girls come onto Pacey, and they will come onto Pacey, you're gonna be mean. You're always mean when you're jealous. If they're a lesbian they'll think you're hot, clock your hot boyfriend and you'll be good.'

'So I stand a chance of friendship if a classmate is gay?' Joey clarified and Jen nodded,

'Either gender is fine. Pacey will hate the guys that want to befriend you, so they'll steer generally clear.'

'So I get to go to college with my gorgeous boyfriend but I have no friends?' she pouted and Jen laughed,

'I'm teasing you Joey. I've experienced far too much change and if you never made another best friend that would be perfect, but you probably will...'

'I've got far more to worry about - everyone likes you and you aren't nearly as prickly as me.'

'Yeah, but I have an awful, mostly dislikable boyfriend,' Jen gestured to where Drue was chatting up some girl round the bonfire on the beach and Joey laughed.

'He's a peach.'

'Ah, I'm not worried. He'd never actually do anything. Well I don't think he would.'

'Hey,' Pacey dropped onto the step beside Joey as Dawson sat beside Jen,

'You mind if we interrupt your girl time?' Dawson asked and they both shook there heads,

'We're contemplating change and the formidable task of making new friends.'

'No good looking, academic, effeminate types. I'll become insanely jealous,' Pacey told her and Jen gestured as if to say "_I told you so._"

'Spare a thought for me you guys,' Dawson requested. 'I've been friends with you two my entire life and Jen, Jack and Andie are about the only other friends I've managed to make.'

'None of us have been all that good at having a wide circle, huh,' Jen mused.

'Well except for Pacey who has always seemed to know everyone in one way or another,' Dawson amended.

'Really no surprise you were valedictorian,' Jen sighed.

'No pretty doctor friends,' Joey gave him the eyes, 'they'll all want you.'

'I won't want them. You know I see pretty girls the whole time and they come onto me but I'm not remotely tempted...'

'I'm sorry?' Joey stared at him in shock, 'you have girls coming onto you?'

'Well yeah, like at spring break...'

'So once?' Joey clarified and Pacey blushed,

'Well no...like the video store, or when I'm buying groceries...'

'Girls come onto you when you're buying groceries?' Joey looked and felt mortified.

'Velociraptors,' Jen whispered in a menacing voice.

'I have a standard response,' Pacey said but gave Jen a "_what you talking about_?" look.

'Your response?' Joey probed,

'I mention my girlfriend. For some reason it always does the trick,' he shrugged.

'That's because whenever he talks about you he looks ridiculously smitten and starry eyed. And to think about how much you used to tease her,' Dawson chuckled lightly.

'We've come a long way haven't we,' Jen stated.

'Long, long way,' Pacey concurred with a private smile, slipping his hand into Joey's.

'Doesn't feel like I only joined the three of you at fifteen. I like to imagine a past where I was there from the start,' Jen sighed slightly.

'So do I,' Joey agreed, 'I can't help but feel certain things might have been a little easier if I'd had you. We could have at least gone through the girly stuff together.'

'What did you do when you got your period?' Jen asked with a look at her friend.

'What do you think?' Joey gave her a scathing look.

'Cried and ran to Pacey?'

'Cried, went to the pharmacy and then yeah, Pacey,' she was surprised to find herself blushing.

'I never knew that,' he chuckled.

'Well I didn't usually speak. You were left to guess most of the time.'

'True,' he sighed.

'You told me,' Dawson stated with a smile. 'You muttered some biting comment about women's trouble.'

'Well I don't think I came out and said it but maybe something like that.'

'And Dawson told me at some point,' Pacey sounded wistful and Joey tsked,

'Can we stop our misty eyed remembrance of the start of my menstrual cycle?'

'Sure, sure,' Pacey grinned. 'Wanna go for a walk Jo?'

'Sure, that's what you're doing,' Jen reached an arm behind Joey and whacked his head.

'You're so painfully obvious,' Dawson complained lightly.

'Oh go party and we'll be back soon,' Joey stood and pulled Pacey to his feet.

'She promised,' he offered up in defence and reached onto the porch for a blanket. Joey was about to walk off when Jen grabbed her into a hug and breathed into her ear,

'On top or you'll be in pain for days...sand.'

'Thanks,' the sentiment was real but she flushed with embarrassment.

'What did she say?' Pacey asked as they walked past their classmates who were roasting marshmallows around the fire.

'Just a tip,' she shrugged.

'So what other things did you come to me for? You know, back before we talked?'

'So many things,' she laughed wryly, 'when they nearly took me away from Bessie. So many social worker visits and I think I sought you out after everyone. Then a fight with Bodie. I mean I used to fight with Bessie but never Bodie. There were tons of things. Sometimes I just felt bad and you made things feel ok.'

'And I can still do that for you?'

'Yes.'

'But now I make your heart pound,' he turned and tracked his hands down her body.

'You make my entire body pound,' she admitted.

'Huh?' he looked confused and she smiled.

'My heart,' she put his right hand over her heart, 'and here,' she pushed his left hand up her skirt.

'It pounds?' his fingers rubbed across the top of her panties, brushing her clit and lower.

'Like this beating and it makes me want you so bad, it's so strong that it almost hurts when you don't touch me,' she shifted closer to him.

'Is it beating now?' his eyes glinted in the moonlight. He was close, his whole body exuding heat.

'It is,' she moaned softly as his ministrations became more focussed.

'What does it make you want?' his voice was low and husky,

'You,' she moaned. 'You inside of me,' she clarified, 'your fingers, your mouth, your cock,' her eyes were closed as he brushed his thumb in tight circles, but then suddenly it was gone, as was the hand that had moved from over her heart to her boob. She opened her eyes and in the dark couldn't immediately locate him.

'Here,' he took her hand and tugged her down onto the blanket he'd spread out. 'Lie down,' he told her firmly and she did as he asked, the darkness making it slightly disconcerting. His warm hands at the waist band of her panties soothed her, and she lifted her bottom so he could pull them off, not that she could see what he did with them as a cloud moved across the moon and they were in complete darkness. For almost a minute it was as if she were alone in the dark, dark world but then his hand trailed up her leg, warm and sure and her heart beat hard.

'Pace,' she wanted to feel it was him, to have him a little closer and his chuckle reassured her,

'Feels a bit weird in the dark, huh?'

'Yeah,' she agreed but gasped as his hand met the apex of her thighs and his finger traced her slick entrance before pushing inside, his body coming to rest beside hers and his lips finding her cheek in the darkness, until she turned her head and he was kissing her, a kiss that reminded her of their first kiss by the side of the road, his tongue tangling with hers. Though his hand was playing between her legs, his thumb teasing her throbbing clit and his fingers pulling in and out of her with that special curl that made her body rise so quickly towards the moment when she'd crash, his kiss was intent, almost as if he weren't paying any attention to his hand and was paying all the intention to drawing her into a hedonistic kiss that made the world fall away. The combination of the kiss and his hand whilst surrounded by darkness was almost to much to bare and she found herself short of breath and desperate, just desperate for release. The air was filled with the smell of salt, the sound of crashing waves and her soft moans, moans that crescendoed as everything centred between her legs before ricocheting haphazardly through her body, her back arching off of the blanket and her hands tugging at him, squeezing any bit of him she could managed to grasp.

'Pacey, fuck...'

'Hmm,' he pressed a last kiss to her lips and then the warm night air, with the breeze from the ocean, whispered across her skin as he disappeared. She assumed he was stripping off his shorts and his body would be between her legs, that he'd be pushing into her and she felt her body respond to the thought with a clenching sensation. Only she didn't feel anything and she was starting to come down from her orgasmic high.

'Pace?' she asked a little uncertainly, her voice low, 'oh,' she cried out as his warm mouth was suddenly between her legs, as he sucked her clit into his mouth and rolled it with his tongue. He seemed to be intent on torturing her because she couldn't find words as he alternated thrusting his tongue inside of her, humming softly in appreciation and torturing her clit. It didn't take him long, it never took him long before she was half panting, her hands tugging at the strands of his hair as she pushed him against her, her hips lifting and his hands sliding under her butt giving him much better access. There was no embarrassment when she came and practically wailed, tugging his hair so hard several strands came out in her hands. Her legs clamped around his head, holding him between her legs as the pulsating pleasure thrummed through her for a second time.

'What are you doing to me,' she whispered rhetorically, releasing her legs and tugging him up towards her so she could kiss him. Apparently he had been busy between using his fingers and his mouth because as he slid up her body it took her about three seconds to realize he was naked from the waist down. He nudged her legs apart and as his lips reached hers he pushed his body inside of hers, in one move, no hesitation. It felt divine, her legs instinctively wrapping around him despite her blissed out daze.

'Fucking you,' he answered her rhetorical question as he pulled out of her and slammed back in, somehow managing to ensure he kept his body close enough to hers to cause friction against her still sensitive clit.

'Ohhhh,' she cried out because it felt good but almost too good, like she couldn't quite cope with it yet.

'Too much?' he asked and she imagined the quirk of his eyebrow even though she couldn't see him in the dark.

'Like this instead,' she pushed at him until he got the hint and climbed off of her and then she rolled over and pushed herself onto her hands and knees.

'I can't see you,' he complained.

'Feel,' she laughed. His hands landed on her ass, smoothing around her to grasp at her hips and he groaned and she felt him move his body up to hers. One of his hands felt across her behind and then found the wetness and warmth and then he was pushing into her, deep, pounding movements that fulfilled her in a way orgasm inducing sex didn't always. 'Kinda like my pool table fantasy,' she gasped.

'Fuck don't say that or I'll come,' he groaned, pushing his hands up her top and grasping at her breasts, his hips never halting in their movement. She knew he was close when he began to curse softly under his breath, a definite tell, along with whispered love, or even crude compliments about her body. She lifted a hand and put it to her clit making sure she touched him as he thrust into her, making sure he knew she would make herself come. His hands clutched her hips as he moaned his approval and she moved her fingers quickly, surely, until his movements became erratic and his language awful, then he was slamming into her one last time and crying out, clutching her close as he shook behind her. With one last swirl of her fingers against her clit she came, her body contracting around him causing another moan and mumbled curse word against the skin of her back as he half collapsed against her.

'Ne' t' lie,' he mumbled incoherently.

'Me too,' she understood completely and they separated before flopping down on the blanket in a half dressed heap.

'I'm quite sure I look ridiculous,' he murmured as he pressed kisses against her hair. She smiled and patted his tshirt covered chest and then his bare ass,

'You look gorgeously quirky. Well you would if I could see you.'

'A bare ass isn't _quirky_,' he grinned.

'I like the look, you know that, though I would prefer it without the tshirt,' she kissed his neck.

'Wish is my command,' he pulled at his tshirt until he'd stripped it off, letting it land on her face.

'Mmm, better,' she draped herself across his naked chest giggling as his hands patted her down,

'How is it after all that you're nearly entirely clothed?'

'I don't have my underwear on. I don't even know where it is.'

'So I'm lying here entirely naked and you're entirely presentable? he teased.

'Oh I happen to think you entirely naked is you entirely presentable,' she pressed a kiss to his chest.

'Ha,' he laughed but then hugged her close and they both drifted off for a few minutes.

'Thank you,' she said into the darkness and he startled slightly, somewhere between wakefulness and sleep.

'Thank you?'

'Yes,' she snuggled closer.

'For the three orgasms?' he asked, mildly confused, but sounding pleased.

'Pace you did the first two and they were fantastic, but I played my part in the third.'

'Surely it felt better with me inside of you,' she could hear his pout.

'It felt fantastic,' she kissed him, 'but I wasn't thanking you for orgasms. Unless of course you require thanks these days?'

'Haha,' he laughed again and kissed her, 'if you are so overcome that you want to chuck gratitude my way, I'm not a fool and I'll take it. However, with all interactions between us of the sexual kind I rather feel that it's I who should be thanking you. I'm always wildly grateful that you let me touch you, that you let me kiss you, let alone everything else...'

'Oh please,' she tapped his chest lightly, 'none of that nonsense, you know I love you wildly.'

'And find me irresistible?'

'Going fishing?' she teased and he tickled her sides, 'yes I find you utterly irresistible. I think that is probably obvious.'

'On occasion,' he agreed. 'So if you weren't thanking me for the _three_ orgasms, why were you thanking me yet again? You thanked me earlier.'

'The truth is Pace, I think I'm thanking you for everything.'

'You've lost me Jo.'

'I just, I don't think I'd be this happy a person if it hadn't have been for you.'

'Are you saying I'm a good boyfriend?'

'For the smartest guy in school you don't always get it,' she chided, 'I'm saying you're a good friend. I'm saying that when you chose to come and warn me about my dad, when you provided comfort to me despite not liking me very much...well I think I began to change. You made me feel worth it, because even with all our banter and our back and forth, you were always there for me. So thank you.'

'If my speech didn't make it clear enough, thank you as well.'

'Your speech was good,' she sniffed.

'I wouldn't have been up there if it wasn't for you.'

'So maybe we should just stay together for ever,' she held on a little tighter.

'That's my plan.'

'You, Pacey Witter friend to women, would be happy for the rest of his life with the girl you got together with at sixteen?'

'That girl is you,' he stated as if she were crazy.

'Mmm,' she shrugged,

'What about you? You still ok with the idea of just one guy?'

'That guy is you,' she echoed and he laughed,

'Glad we're in agreement.'

'This is still my favourite place in all the world.'

'The beach?' he asked knowingly and she tickled his sides,

'Being here, in your arms.'

'I would have to say that my favourite thing in all the world is having you in my arms.'

'We're being lovely and smultzy,' she kissed his chin and then his lips.

'Always.'


	45. Chapter 45

**Thank you so much for all the feedback. I always appreciate it and I've written 13,000 words of this in just three days as a result. I hope the first part of the epilogue gives everyone what they wanted. It switches from Joey's to Pacey's viewpoint and is written without a break in scene - something new for me. Enjoy a morning in their life, several years from where we left them!**

**And review please! If you want part 2;-) I need my reviews!**

**Epilogue Part 1**

Joey stared at Pacey as he lay in their large double bed reading the newspaper. They didn't often get to lounge in bed together, not since he'd become a resident. Thankfully her job as a newspaper columnist allowed for flexibility and if he had the morning off, then so did she. However, despite the suitability of her job to his, life was busy. There was the car to get to the mechanics, food to shop for, the apartment to clean, friends to see - endless friends to see. So whilst they had plenty of time together, they didn't often get to spend the whole morning in bed. This morning they'd taken full advantage - they'd made love, leisurely, taking the time for foreplay which seemed like a luxury as they got older. They'd made love a second time, because why not? They were a lot less leisurely and a lot more creative about it the second time. Pacey had made coffee and chopped up melon with Greek yogurt and honey, and they hugged as they ate, chatting about things in the way they always had, enjoying the warmth of the morning sunshine, the sounds of the city far below. They pulled out the newspapers eventually, reading them, then abandoning them for more sex, before retrieving the scrunched up papers as though nothing untoward had happened. It was fun and carefree and perfect and absolutely her favourite way to spend a weekend morning.

'What are you thinking?' Pacey asked, looking at her over the top of the newspaper, clearly aware she was staring and no longer reading.

'I was thinking we should break up,' she said with a shrug and he looked over her body which was naked underneath the sheet which only half covered her, her breast poking out of the top.

'You do huh?' he asked with a lazy smile, slipping a hand under the sheet and rubbing her thigh gently.

'Mmm, I do.'

'And why exactly?' he put the newspaper on the floor carelessly and rolled on top of her and kissing her neck, rewarded with a sigh and a moan.

'We're getting married,' she breathed, but just barely as he nudged her legs apart and pushed his body into hers.

'In a week,' he agreed before wrapping his lips around her nipple and sucking softly.

'Oh,' she encouraged his gentle rocking, 'thing is I'm sick of everyone asking if I'm sure. They can't get over the fact that I've only ever wanted you - despite everything that's happened. They're convinced that if I were single I might be less certain, or so they say.'

'Who are these awful people? I think you should make new friends,' he recommended continuing his skilled attack on seemingly every nerve ending in her body.

'Jen, Jack...Dawson,' she gasped.

'You say _my_ name when we're intimate,' he growled and thrust into her a little harder, a little closer and she nearly came, but then he slowed back down,

'They keep teasing me...'

'New friends,' he murmured.

'Saying that even if the entire world thinks you're perfect, everyone should see what's out there.'

'So we're breaking up?' he pushed in harder and closer and instantly her orgasm felt imminent and she urged him on, scraping her fingernails down his back lest he slow down again.

'Hmm, for twelve hours I'm single...'

'Pretending your single,' he interrupted angling himself just so and causing her entire body to crash without warning as he pushed back into her. She cried out and tried to tug him close but he kept moving in that special way, his body tilted in just such a way that her whole body clenched in anticipation of coming again, and she wasn't even over the first time.

'Hmm, I'll look at guys, you look at girls,' the words were stuttered between moans.

'Why?' he asked with a chuckle that became a groan and she dug her fingernails into his ass, then dipped her hand between his legs.

'So I know and everyone else knows that I was right, that what I knew at sixteen was right - you are the perfect person for me. You'll know I know and I'll know that you're not gonna be tempted.'

'Sure of that are ya?' he teased but as she lifted her hips and put her fingers to her boob, his attention drifted, his eyes fixating on her hand as he began to push in and out of her more erratically.

'I'm sure, you're sure...'

'So why...' he groaned, 'fuck...'

'Because we haven't been single in thirteen years. We're getting married next week and we can't pretend after that.'

'Ok,' he pushed into her and groaned loudly as he came, muttering obscenities and then pressing his face to her chest, as he rested his weight gently on top of her. 'You're actually gonna look at guys?'

'You can look at girls to. Think who you'd like if you weren't with me.'

'What if you look and then you can't turn it off? What if you're taken aback by all the possibilities?' he stared at her.

'Aw Pace, it was meant to be a bit of pre wedding fun. As I'm going out with Jen, and you're heading out with the guys...Jen suggested it and as everyone is always teasing us...'

'You thought why not?'

'Because I trust you and I trust myself, and I'm as insanely in love with you as I ever was, only more deeply and realistically, especially now we live together and you never put the toilet seat down, and your old boxers are always dropped beside the bed and not in the wash basket...'

'Those are quirks,' he offered.

'Well quirks and all, I'm pathetically gooey about you, and madly in love. If you're not sure about me and fear...'

'Oh shush,' he grumbled, 'I've been desperate to marry you since senior year. I'm batshit crazy for you. You know I love you truly, madly, deeply and that you can still give me ridiculous butterflies.'

'Well you see. It's just a fun..._if I were single would I chat them up_...'

'So no actual chatting up?' he clarified.

'Well no. If they spontaneously talk to us, we can talk back but no touching and no drunken mishaps...'

'We've both been out plenty of times without each other and gotten drunk - there's never been a mishap,' he kissed her chin.

'There must never be a mishap,' she nodded seriously.

'Never,' he agreed.

'Who's going tonight?'

'All the guys from the hospital, the new intern, you know Omar who I get on well with, a couple of the nurses...I guess about fifteen of us with Dawson, Jack, Doug and Drue.'

'Wow, that's a lot,' she put her hands on his face. 'Please don't actually want anyone. I didn't mean that. I was being silly.'

'I asked you to marry me. I love you. I don't want anyone but you ever. We can break up for the evening.'

'Ok,' she kissed him.

'Did you manage to convince Andie to come?'

'She's arriving at five. She emailed last night. I totally forgot to tell you this morning.'

'So that's everyone you wanted?'

'Yeah,' she smiled, 'Jen did great.'

'You have any idea where you're going, what you're doing?'

'Nope. Jen just said it would be ok, I wouldn't have to wear a penis hat or anything like that, and no strippers. _Oh god_, no strippers Pace,' she gripped his cheeks a little harder squashing his face.

'No strippers,' he concurred laughing, 'and if Drue has ignored all requests and hired a stripper we'll tell her Drue's getting married.'

'No strippers,' she repeated.

'Text Dougy and he'll make sure no stripper is allowed anywhere near me,' he promised and she nodded,

'Ok.'

'Is it time to get up?' he reached across to his bedside table and shoved several books to one side to check the clock, 'twelve,' he grumbled.

'We're getting up for a shower,' she rolled her eyes, 'taxing stuff Pace.'

'It's just that after the shower and sex...'

'No more sex,' she shook her head, holding back her smile.

'No more sex?' he looked at her with innocent shock.

'Pacey,' she crawled up close to him and wrapped herself around him, as always his arm clamping down around her. She rested her head on his chest, 'we've had sex four times...You have tomorrow off and I'd like to think we could be together again then. Besides it would also be awkward tonight if I can't walk properly.'

'Oh fine,' he grumbled and she gave him a stern look only to find him grinning, 'Jo, given I worked a thirty hour shift, I am so not able to have sex again. Well ok, so I can always have sex, but yeah...'

'It's ok. My opinion of your prowess is in tact.'

'So, as I was saying, after showers everyone starts to arrive.'

'Our best friends,' she teased.

'I know, I know. I'm a little protective of our time together. Especially now we're broken up,' he smirked at her and she pressed a warm kiss to his chest,

'You're just tired I think. How about I run you a bath, make a fresh pot of coffee and I'll come in and shave you?'

'Well that beats a shower!' he brightened considerably.

'Ok,' she kissed him soundly and then sitting up, climbed out of their bed, aware of his eyes on her as she cross the room naked. She looked at Pacey's chair, the one he dumped clothes on when they weren't clean and they weren't dirty, just a pile of worn clothing he couldn't be bothered to put away. She rummaged a little and pulled out a tshirt of his that fell to mid thigh and sniffed it. Satisfied that it smelt of him she pulled it on before scooping her hair up into a messy bun. She shot one last look at him lying on their bed, only to find his eyes still on her,

'I love you Jo,' he stated and though she was an efficient person and she was on her way to do something, she crossed back to the bed and kissed him,

'And I love you.'

'You're beautiful you know,' he brushed a thumb across her plump bottom lip,

'Sure,' she laughed, 'no makeup, no shower yet, wearing your tshirt.'

'You don't need makeup,' he shrugged. 'Maybe you shouldn't stay at Jen's tonight. You should come home and be with me.'

'You'll be drunk. Drue or Dawson, or one of the guys will probably be lying in bed with you, especially if Jack and Doug nab the spare room when they get here.'

'I could stay sober,' he offered.

'You don't stand a chance. You invited Drue,' she pointed out.

'Fine,' he pouted.

'Besides which we're all meeting for brunch tomorrow - well if we can manage it without puking.'

'Make sure you're safe,' he gave her a worried look.

'Andie's coming,' she stated as if that meant she'd be wonderfully safe.

'Andie overdosed once,' he stated back in the same tone.

'Well fine, Jen.'

'New York wild child,' he looked at her with wide eyes. Joey frowned at him,

'She has a baby Pace! She's the one person you can trust!'

'Fine, fine. You know I trust her completely but you're everything to me and I work in a hospital. I see horrible things everyday. They've involved you before.'

'And it's made you a little paranoid,' she said gently, bending down to kiss him, surprised when he pulled her down on top of him.

'I'm serious. You're everything to me. If anything happened to you again I wouldn't cope. You have to look after yourself. People get stupid sometimes and I just need you to be ok,' he spoke so earnestly that she practically melted,

'Well it's not like I don't feel like that about you,' she reminded him.

'I want you to have fun tonight, have so much fun, but just keep safe.'

'For all I know we're having dinner and our nails done,' Joey shrugged.

'Jen is leaving Amy with Grams for the whole night, it's not like she's planning dinner and nails!'

'Fine,' Joey admitted. 'I promise, but you promise too.'

'Of course I promise.'

'Ok, now I'm going to make that coffee and run that bath.'

'Thank you,' he held onto her hand until forced to let it go. Joey walked into the main part of their apartment. It was a reasonable size for the nice area of Boston, the main selling point it's spacious living area and reasonably sized bedrooms - two of them. The bathroom could have been bigger, but it had a bath and a shower stall and was easy to keep clean. She rinsed out the tub, put in the plug and turned on the taps, before heading through to the small kitchen, large diner, with added large living room and awesome view. The small kitchen was annoying, but she wasn't great at food prep and whilst Pacey was still a fabulous cook, he lacked time in a big way. She was pleased they'd managed to stay in Boston, especially as Jen was in the same building, which made life fun and sociable. She knew that they'd probably have to move one day, but they both loved the city and enjoyed how close they were to Capeside. Walking through to the living room as the coffee brewed she plumped cushions, and drew the blinds before gathering her papers together and heading to her small office to dump them. The den made the apartment perfect because even though she could write anywhere, it gave her space to get into work mode.

Landing her job as a columnist at the Boston Globe had been a bit of luck. She'd been interviewing, somewhat reluctantly, for editorial jobs. She was good at editing but it didn't make her heart sing. She loved to write. She'd been visiting Pacey at the hospital one day during his intern year and they'd been chatting at the nurses station. She remembered his hand had been up her top and he'd been murmuring about a visit to the on call room when a man had interrupted them. He'd been thanking Pacey profusely. Though a lot went over her head it seemed that Pacey had made a tricky diagnosis on the guys daughter and saved her life. She remembered being amused because instead of sharing the story with her he'd been so pleased by her surprise visit that he'd gotten all affectionate. Pacey had flushed, removed his hand and introduced her, babbling as he still did about how she was attempting to write but kept getting drawn into editing but it was a crime because she was so good. The guy had handed over his card. He was editor at the _Boston Globe_ and he told her to show up Monday at ten for an interview. The rest was history. Her column was daily Monday to Friday and she was occasionally asked to do weekend work for big news items. She loved it, most especially because it paid well, especially with the odd assignment writing she picked up, but it also allowed her time to work on her novel. She looked to the door at the sound of banging,

'Who is it?' she asked fully aware she was only wearing Pacey's mid thigh tshirt.

'Jen and Amy,' Jen called through the door and Joey unlocked it letting them in. 'How's the bride to be?' she grinned widely, as Amy reached for Joey. Joey put the baby on her hip and moved to the kitchen pulling mugs from the cupboard.

'I'm great,' she grinned.

'Clearly you and Pace have spent the morning in bed?' Jen smirked.

'We've broken up,' Joey explained brightly.

'Ooh, well done!'

'Thanks,' she winked at her friend who laughed,

'Where is loverboy?'

'Probably in the bath by now,' she shrugged. 'I better take him his coffee,' she scooped up the mug and headed into the bathroom knocking lest he be on the toilet,

'Come in,' he called and she pushed inside, knocking down the toilet lid with her knee and putting his coffee on it. 'Hey Amy,' he grinned at the baby and she reached for him, struggling against Joey and complaining when she wouldn't let her go.

'He's all wet Amy. Trust me, you don't want him right now,' she lifted the baby up and blew on her tummy, successfully distracting her.

'You're not gonna be in to shave me are ya?' he pouted.

'Sorry big guy,' she blew him a kiss, and Amy, back on her hip, did the same.

'You owe me,' he called as the door shut behind her,

'Sure I do,' she called, heading back into the living room where Jen had her feet up on the coffee table and was reading yesterday's Globe. Joey plopped Amy on the floor and Amy crawled to the basket of toys Joey and Pacey kept at their place for her. They also had a crib in the spare room so Jen could hang out in the evenings. 'I'm going to run through the shower, and throw on some clothes, then I'll be out.'

'Don't get distracted,' Jen called without looking up and Joey laughed and heading back into her bedroom and opened her underwear drawer. She stared at the packet - _Digital Pregnancy Test - 99% Accurate._ The only reason Pacey hadn't questioned her late period was the number of hours he'd been working. The sight of that test made her heart beat race and she got that sick, churning feeling in her stomach, the feeling of apprehension, nerves and disquiet. She slipped the test up the sleeve of Pacey's tshirt and clamped it in her armpit before heading into the hall, to the small toilet and sink off the living room,

'Still won't pee in front of him?' Jen laughed, slurping her coffee and buttering some toast for Amy.

'Gotta keep the magic,' she shrugged, keeping her arm clamped before shutting the door behind her and staring at the test. Taking several deep breaths she opened the box and read the instructions. It seemed simple enough, pee on stick, wait, see what it says. She opened one of the two tests and peed on it, and then she waited with it facedown on the sink counter, mentally counting the seconds. When it was time she turned over the test. **Pregnant**. She burst into tears, flushing the toilet to hide the noise from Jen. She was over a week late and the test was positive - there didn't seem to be much point in using the second test. She felt suddenly nauseous, and had no doubt it was the shock of the news and not the pregnancy that had her lifting the lid of the toilet and vomiting. She took deep, deep breaths and tried to tell herself it wasn't a disaster, even if it felt like one. She shoved the used test and wrapper back in the box and then opening the cupboard under the sink shoved the box way at the back behind a bunch of spare hand towels and toilet rolls. She looked in the mirror and took several more deep breaths then biting her lip to keep from crying headed through the living room, with a smile at Jen, and into the bathroom. She grabbed her toothbrush, stuck some toothpaste on it and stuck it in her mouth, brushing. Then turning on the shower, she pulled off her tshirt and jumped in, where she allowed the tears to come out of her eyes, and mix with the water on her cheeks, as she attempted to clean her teeth.

'Please can we have one,' Pacey asked and she turned to look at him. She couldn't really see him through the misted up shower screen.

'I don't know,' she murmured dismissively, or so she hoped. She turned her face into the spray, hoping he'd assume her voice was funny because of the toothbrush.

'Spoil sport,' she heard grumbled as the bath began to drain, thankful he'd not heard the tears.

'We could travel the world...' she attempted, knowing her silence would concern him.

'I took you to Paris,' he opened the shower door and climbed in with her, so maybe he had heard the tears. She kept her back to him as he grabbed her body wash and put some onto his hands and lathered her back for her.

'What about Vietnam?' her voice cracked a little so she swallowed before adding, 'India or Italy. I think I mentioned how much I long to see Italy,' she said the words with the water cascading into her mouth hoping it would hide her distress, her toothbrush now discarded.

'That's what our honeymoon is for,' he reminded her pressing up against her back and rubbing his soapy hands over her breasts, across her stomach and dipping them between her legs.

'Pace,' she didn't think she could hold it together if he touched her,

'I'm just cleaning,' he kissed her neck, but moved his hands from between her legs. He must think she was sore.

'You still think of the DWB thing, I know you do,' she told him, 'I think when your residency is up you should apply again. We can do a year somewhere, and then have kids. It doesn't sit right with me that we couldn't go because of me,' she wasn't sure why she was saying it, but she could feel herself falling apart inside. Apparently he could hear it now, and he turned her to face him,

'That accident wasn't your fault,' he told her vehemently, 'the courts agreed and that guy went to prison. You were in the wrong place, at the wrong time,' he dropped to his knees and kissed the scar on her abdomen where her spleen had been removed, and other parts fixed, then the thigh she shattered that was practically rebuilt, before standing up and kissing her heart that had stopped for an agonizing five minutes.

'But it messed with our plan,' she was openly crying. He was used to that since the accident. She'd been a lot better. It had been a long time since her last attack of tears, but still he was used to it.

'Jo, it's only been six months since you've been properly yourself,' he stared at her, rubbing his hands up and down her shoulders. It was true that her recovery had taken a long time. She'd been in the hospital for over a month, and then at home unable to get out for a further month. Her leg had taken a long time to heal and then it had taken even longer to get used to walking on it, to get her fitness back, to be free of pain.

She hadn't expected to almost die that day almost eighteen months earlier. She and Pacey had been due to leave for Pakistan after Pacey had got through the application for Doctors Without Boarders, and they had been called up. It was just before his residency and the timing had been perfect. The hospital had agreed to delay his residency for a year given the experience he would gain and that he'd passed his internship, so they would arrive home to a job, her job with the newspaper on hold. Only it hadn't quite worked like that. She'd been on the sidewalk after going to the bank to pick up travellers cheques and money. She was going with him of course, having completed several rigorous first aid courses, and several in field hospital organization. Neither had been willing to be apart for so long. She'd paused outside the bank, her eyes adjusting from the artificially lit interior to the bright sunshine. Apparently the guy behind the wheel of the Mercedes was five times over the limit. He and his wife had just separated and he was drowning his sorrow. In a fit of vengeance he had been on his way to empty the joint bank account. The car mounted the sidewalk and ploughed into her before hitting the building, trapping her between the two. There'd been so much wrong with her, they hadn't thought she'd make it. Pacey had been a mess. All the interns and residents that had thought they could sway him from her, despite his lack of interest, realized that day that they didn't stand a chance. All his usual calm had evaporated and he wouldn't let her go, clinging to her hand until they physically removed him from the room. She only knew because she had struck up a friendship with one of the nurses during her long stay, Maria, a friendship that still prevailed. Maria took to talking to Joey through her recovery, and she gave her all the hospital gossip. Particularly the gossip pertaining to Pacey.

He'd been bossy and he'd cried. No sobbing Maria told her, but scary silent crying, unable to move from the gallery above her OR. Maria had been the one to get Bessie's name and number from him, but he could scarcely function. He'd been with her in recovery, refusing to leave her side. He'd witnessed her heart stopping. He still couldn't talk about it, the whole experience leaving him traumatized, but Maria told her that everyone knew he was one hundred percent committed after that day. Before that day they'd all teased him a little about his high school sweetheart, the one he wasn't shy to mention. They'd all known he was loved up. The girls saw it as a challenge. After meeting her they had seen it less as a challenge and more as an impossible challenge, but he was good looking, strong, insanely clever, kind, good with the kids, the patients, the staff - he was hard to resist. It had been hard for Joey during Pacey's intern year, knowing these women kept throwing themselves at him, but she trusted him. He'd enjoyed a lot of territorial sex, at literally any hour of the day and any which way. She'd been easy that year, heck she'd been easy every year since they began having sex. She was glad because after her accident they didn't have sex for a long time. She hadn't thought about it in hospital and it was only after she'd been home a week that she'd began to crave him, all the while knowing she couldn't have sex. She'd started by insisting on giving him a hand job one evening whilst they were watching tv, if only to relieve his stress and tension which was in overdrive with his worrying about her and caring for her. After witnessing her heart stop, he'd become a little obsessive worrying about her. It had taken them both time to start to trust that she'd be ok, and for him to relax his hold on her. He simply feared that something would happen to her. The return to physical intimacy had helped. The hand job started a return to the intimacy they'd shared as teenagers before they had sex and it had been good for them. It was exciting and erotic. When her leg was finally out of plaster and she was getting somewhere with physical therapy and her pain she was finally able to have sex, only she hadn't bargained on having to convince him - he'd been terrified he was going to hurt her. Slowly, they'd returned to normal, the road back to the confident and sassy sex of his intern year, filled with slow sex, sensual sex, mind blowing sex, and eventually fucking when she'd finally visited the lingerie store with Jen. Things were getting back normal now, but it had shown both of them that they could make it through both the tough times and the good.

Needless to say they hadn't gone to Pakistan, or anywhere, except for a long weekend to Capeside, staying at the Potter B&amp;B six months earlier, a year after her accident. It was during their long weekend that he proposed. Apparently he'd planned to do so way before the accident, not that she'd known. He'd taken her down to the docks, and they'd eaten pizza on the deck of True Love, the boat that now belonged to her sister and Bodie, by virtue of their using it far more often than she and Pacey could. Sitting in the warm evening air he'd told her he was forever in love with her. He'd said the words quite simply. He'd told her it was nothing to do with nearly losing her, that he'd had the ring since his last year in medical school. Only he hadn't wanted to ask when there wouldn't be time or money for the wedding. He didn't want to just be engaged to her, he wanted to be married to her. He'd dropped to one knee, and asked her the question. She'd said yes, many times over, then they'd had sex. Lots of sex, because it was still new after her accident and she couldn't get enough of lying post coital enclosed in his arms. Bessie had been unsurprised. Everyone had been unsurprised but very happy for them, full of genuine joy. They'd had a lot of "about time" and "finally" thrown at them.

'That's why I'm saying we wait for kids,' she responded to his comment about it only being six months since she'd been fully recovered. 'I'm not ready, not after all that's happened. You have three years left of your residency. What about a year with the DWB then. We can have a baby when you do your fellowship,' she didn't know why she was saying it, whether she was voicing her fears, or what, but she couldn't seem to stop the tears. Pacey had quickly decided to work in paediatrics and his eventual fellowship in a paediatric department somewhere was a forgone conclusion. His ability with kids hadn't faltered over the years, and he seemed to have a particular skill when working with them medically.

'But you'll have my baby one day?' he meant it as a soft tease to relieve the tension but she frowned, wiping her eyes,

'You're always so desperate to have kids Pace,' she chided softly. She wasn't ready for a baby, not now. She liked it being just them, and they were only just over the impact of the accident. They could go hiking again now her leg was better, cycling, even running. She liked their getaways, going off with a tent into the wilderness and camping, or even taking True Love out for a few days. Baby's changed all that, and she certainly was scared of the prospect of change, that hadn't altered throughout the years. She still feared loss, and more than loss she feared having a family and being lost herself, much like her mother had been. She and Pacey had agreed to try for a baby after Pakistan but the accident had changed all that and she'd been hedging around the topic for a while now.

'I think you and I would make beautiful, smart babies. I love the idea of having a family with you, something different to what I had, to what you had. Our family. But you know all that,' he pressed against her, their skin sliding together in the wet. 'I know you want to wait and I understand why, I do. I'm not trying to pressure you, I'm really not,' he kissed her cheeks where her tears fell.

'But you are,' she admitted.

'Then I'm sorry. I guess I just want you to know I still want it. One day. If we never talk about it, it might never happen.'

'It will happen,' she told him desperately and he sighed,

'I know that after the accident you had second thoughts, that life felt fragile. But I see how you are with Amy and I know you'd be such a wonderful mom Joey. You enjoy being with her so much.'

'I do want a baby,' she told him carefully. 'But I worry about not being around for the baby.'

'Nobody knows. Everybody takes a chance on that score.'

'Maybe I should just get tested for the BRCA and then at least I'll know. Though I can't avoid sidewalks,' she looked down feeling defeated. 'Even if I try.' Her mental recovery from the accident had been a lengthy process, one with which she still struggled.

'Whatever you need Jo. If you want the test, more counselling. Whatever you need. I can wait until you're ready for a baby.'

'What if I'm never ready?' she asked still not looking up. For a few moments there was silence except for the noise of the shower. Then he was lifting her chin with his finger until her eyes met his,

'I love you. If we never have kids that's ok - if I have you.'

'Like I said, I do want them. But I don't want to be one of those moms, you know always hovering, always worrying. I want to be able to let my kid walk down the sidewalk.'

'You'll get there Joey, you will.'

'What if I don't?' she asked feeling panicked, scared she might be sick again, and he kissed her forehead,

'You will. And if you don't...well I guess we move somewhere without sidewalks.'

'You mean some Podunk town?'

'Sure,' he grinned, 'we'll head into Northern Canada if we have to.'

'I love you,' she pressed her face into his neck. 'I'm sorry I'm such a mess,' she felt more tears burn her eyes and had the urge to curl up in the bottom of the shower.

'Hey it's ok. You're not a mess, what happened was awful and it takes time to get over something like that. You're doing great. We're taking short hikes again. We're going to be going to Italy. I know you're still spending far too much time in your office here and not in the trendy coffee shops you used to boast about, but you have spent a couple of days in coffee shops. You went shopping with Jen. I reaped the benefits of said shopping. Things are getting better.'

'Only because I have you,' she swiped at the tears, her voice cracking. 'I just wish... I just wish I'd been anywhere else that day,' she slid to the floor of the shower and he slid down beside her, wrapping his arm tight around her.

'So do I. We can't control what happens to us Jo. If we could you'd have been safe inside our apartment that day. But we can try and gain control of how we're managing and you're doing that. You had counselling and you're willing to get more. You choose something you find hard and you work on it, like when you just couldn't climb stairs. You worked so hard.'

'That was physical. This is a mental block.'

'Fearing death when you died is understandable.'

'Seeing death everywhere isn't normal. I'm already panicking about the plane.'

'But I know you and you'll get on it.'

'Because I'm with you,' she covered her eyes.

'That's ok,' he chuckled, 'that's a first step.'

'You don't regret asking me to marry you?' she asked looking at him with red eyes and he laughed.

'I haven't regretted anything since you tickled me for calling you Josephine all those years ago. I fell so hard for you Joey that there's just no undoing it. I don't care how many times you cry on the floor of the shower in my arms, how many times we abort brunch because it doesn't feel right. I know you and I know how strong you are and I know it won't be forever.'

'It won't,' she agreed, leaning into him. 'You go see Jen. Just tell her I had a moment - she knows them well enough.'

'You're ok if I do that?' he narrowed his eyes,

'I want you to do that,' she agreed and he nodded squeezing her one last time before standing and pulling her to her feet. 'Seriously I'm ok. We had a lot of sex this morning and I need to wash, that's all,' she smiled at him and he nodded, blowing her a kiss before getting out. He brushed his teeth, put on deodorant and headed through to their bedroom pulling on a pair of cargo shorts and a tshirt, then headed through to the living room where Amy was playing with stuffies and Jen was pouring another cup of coffee. She frowned,

'What happened?'

'I asked if we could have a baby. I was joking around. Sort of, you know. I mean I want one, but only when she's ready. It was a lighthearted comment. She'd have taken it as such before the accident.'

'She's better than she was,' Jen offered and he nodded,

'Heaps.'

'It's not really been that long. I think she'll be just fine, she just needs time.'

'I agree. I hate that she beats herself up over it. It's completely normal for her to feel this way.'

'I don't think she's as far off feeling ok as she fears she is.'

'She talked about having the BRCA test again. To see if she has the gene.'

'Oh,' Jen frowned, 'well didn't you guys decided that if she had the gene you'd take proactive, defensive action?'

'We did. Part of that was having a baby before surgery though, and if she tests positive and isn't ready for a baby...'

'You trust her Pace. Don't overthink it. Like I said I don't think she's as far off feeling ok as you think. If she's talking about that test again, it means she is thinking of all that.'

'You think?' he asked optimistically and she nodded,

'You see how she is with Amy, and with Rebecca,' Jen alluded to Bessie and Bodie's new daughter.

'True,' he smiled. Joey, despite all protesting in her teenage years, was ridiculously in love with Amy and Rebecca.

'You've said it yourself Pace - time. You needed time as well don't forget. That accident shook you both up and it happened to her. It stands to reason she'll need more time to get over it.'

'As ever your words are wise,' he smiled as someone banged at the door.

'Oh, I buzzed in Drue, Dawson, Jack and Doug,' she told him.

'When are you taking Amy to Grams?' Pacey asked as he stood to answer the door,

'Turns out Grams and my mom are taking her. And coming here to collect her.'

'Your mom, wow!' Pacey said as he opened the door, and Drue, Dawson, Jack and Doug pushed inside as one loud, talking pack, all hugging Pacey or slapping him on the back before kissing Jen on the cheek and hugging her,

'1.30,' she answered Pacey's question over general chatter. 'Then we'll be out of your male hair!'

'You're not going?' Dawson complained.

'Course Jenny's not going,' Drue chided, but Jen had scooped up her baby, only to have her taken by Jack.

'God I've missed you Ames,' he snuggled her close, Doug close beside him cooing.

'We have to have one of these one day,' he mused.

'Gotta say, I can't believe we're throwing you your bachelor party Pace,' Dawson clapped him loudly on the back.

'Pace has wanted to marry that girl since he was sixteen,' Doug rolled his eyes, 'I'm surprised this didn't occur years ago.'

'I was half convinced they'd eloped in Key West,' Jack teased.

'Oh I thought about it,' Pacey shrugged easily.

'I'm gonna go see if Joey's fallen asleep in the shower,' Jen stated and Drue whistled, Pacey mouthing his thanks. When Pacey had been at work Jen had helped Joey a lot.

'Jo,' Jen tapped on the door to the bathroom and pushed inside, switching on the extractor fan.

'Still in here,' Joey sighed from inside the cubicle.

'Given that you were in Pacey's tshirt and mostly naked when I got here, I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that you and Pace had a nice morning?'

'We had a great morning,' Joey admitted. 'A really great morning.'

'So come out of the shower for the rest of your great day,' Jen suggested.

'I am coming out,' Joey told her, 'I'm just you know...'

'Yeah, I know,' Jen said softly. 'So here's the deal. I'm going to go into your room, make your bed, hopefully without getting something I don't want on me, then I'm going to lay out some clothes.'

'You are?'

'And I haven't had to lay out clothes for you for at least four months.'

'Oh fine,' Joey shut off the shower abruptly and pushed open the door, stepping onto the mat, not embarrassed by her nudity in front of Jen who had seen it often enough. 'Thanks,' she took the towel Jen held out and took a deep breath. 'Ok, I'm ok.'

'You are,' Jen nodded, then prodded her ribs, 'still too thin.'

'I'm working on that. Or rather Pace is,' she couldn't quite manage happy. 'I get bought a lot of chocolate.'

'You have to eat it,' Jen rolled her eyes. 'Ah well, there's food in your not to distant future.'

'Ok, bedroom, clothes and then we'll start our day.'

'So you're ok? Because you know you don't have to be?'

'I had a cry, got a little overwhelmed and now I'm good. I promise,' she lied, 'You know it doesn't last long. I mean so long as we're not loitering on sidewalks today?' she gave Jen a wan smile,

'I have tried to ensure limited sidewalks are involved and certainly no loitering.'

'That's why you're my best friend,' she sniffed.

'You're gonna be so drunk you won't notice you're on a sidewalk anyway,' Jen gave her a wink.

'Actually I'm not,' she didn't even realize her bottom lip had protruded though she felt the tears burn her eyes.

'You put me in charge and I'm assuring you that you will. It's not like you're spending the night with Pacey and he won't have sex - you're not having sex tonight regardless,' she rolled her eyes.

'I'm pregnant,' Joey admitted and could see by the expression on her friends face that she couldn't be more shocked. 'I'm fucking pregnant,' she dropped to the floor, curling up on the bath mat. 'I shouldn't be Jen. No baby deserves me as its mother. I'm going to die,' she pressed her eyes into the back of her hand.

'You are,' Jen said bluntly. 'Probably when you're an old wrinkly lady. If you're unlucky, before then.'

'I'm so, so unlucky,' Joey sobbed.

'You're not,' Jen sat on the floor beside her and put an arm around her. 'You lost your mom. There's a chance you might carry the gene. You're going to check. You don't know yet. But Jo, you've not been unlucky. You met Pacey when you were practically a baby and he's the love of your life. He's never faltered in his love for you. I'm your best friend and I'm awesome. I love you and I live in the same building as you! Your sister adores you. She'd do anything for you. You had a few crappy years and then your life fell into place,' Jen told her firmly.

'Then I died,' Joey looked at her with wet eyes,

'Yes you did. You died in front of Pacey and so I know how awful it was and how hard they fought to bring you back. I saw you that day and you were a mess Joey. We all thought we were saying goodbye, and it was horrid.'

'This baby is going to lose me and grow up without its mother,' she cried and Jen patted her head,

'Joey, you're not unlucky. You're so goddamn _lucky_. The accident was really bad luck, but surviving it - I don't think you realize how lucky you are. It is a miracle and I'm not a godly person. You are lucky. You died and were brought back to life!'

'I've never thought of it that way,' Joey admitted.

'That's because you never saw yourself,' Jen admitted. 'I've never been so scared in my life, so utterly distraught, and you're not the love of my life. The hardest thing for Pacey was knowing. He understood it all, probably too much. He knows how lucky you are even if he can't admit it. He knows how lucky he is. He doesn't want to waste time. He wants a life with you. Marriage, a big chaotic house full of kids. Camping trips, exploring Europe or somewhere...'

'He wants to help the world...' she tried but Jen just shook her head,

'He just wants to be with you. He can and does help here. Kids all deserve help no matter where they're from. He helps the vulnerable. He's good.'

'I'm sorry, I'm ruining today,' Joey sniffed and Jen rolled her eyes,

'All you've done is ruin my plans to get you drunk. I love drunk Joey.'

'I'm sorry,' Joey began to cry again and Jen laughed,

'You are ridiculously hormonal. I love not drunk Joey too,' she pointed out and Joey smiled, wiping her eyes again. 'Should I get Pace?'

'You think I should tell him?' Joey blanched.

'I think if you don't you are going against what's worked so well for you for so long. You're always honest with him even when it's hard. Tell him.'

'Ok. I'll go dress, if you send him through?' Joey asked with resolve.

'Sure,' Jen kissed her cheek, 'you're going to do great Jo. You're a lucky girl.'

'Thank you,' Joey caught her hand and squeezed it, before allowing Jen to pull her to her feet, something she still found hard with her leg. She went through to her bedroom and pulled out a bra and panties, sitting on the end to put them on - another hangover from the accident. Then she chose a skirt and a pretty, blousy top. She shoved some studs in her ears and brushed her hair. She was putting on her lipstick when Pacey came in. He whistled and sidled up close,

'You look gorgeous,' he pressed a warm kiss to her neck, then looked at her, 'seriously beautiful. Jen said you wanted to talk to me a second? You ok?'

'No,' she shook her head but at his worried expression felt contrite, 'well I am. Sort of.'

'What's up?' he looked pale, worried - the accidents impact on him. She moved to the bed and sat, twisting her hands together. She looked at him and then away from him not knowing the right words. She didn't know what they were. She opened her mouth and then closed it again, 'Jo, you're scaring the crap out of me.'

'I need you to get me something,' she managed. 'I left something I need in the little bathroom and I need you to get it for me before I go out and see everyone.'

'Couldn't Jen have...'

'No,' she shook her head.

'Ok. Scare the crap out of me for an errand,' he breathed deeply a few times and then smiled, 'What do you need?'

'I left something in the cupboard. It's in a box stuffed behind the towels and spare toilet roll.'

'Ok,' he frowned looking at her like she was weird.

'Please Pace I need it.'

'What is it?' he actually chuckled and she was relieved because at least he wasn't mad. He could get mad these days when he panicked. He was working on it, but she didn't mind - it was because he cared.

'A box,' she rolled her eyes and he nodded.

'Ok, ok, sure,' he left shutting the door behind him and she sat on the bed waiting. He'd see the box had been opened and look inside. She knew he would. It felt like forever but could only have been thirty seconds before the door flew open and he was on his knees in front of her, his arms tight around her, kissing her everywhere he could reach. 'Are you ok?' he asked holding her face in his hands, looking up at her unable to hide his joy.

'I am now,' she sniffed, as he pulled her off the bed and into his lap.

'Like hell we're pretend broken up,' he teased her, nuzzling his face into her neck as his hand made its way to her flat stomach, running across the scar from her multiple post accident surgeries, before resting flat.

'Like hell we are,' she agreed, still too emotional to properly talk.

'When did you find out?'

'Just after Jen got here. I was suspicious and I couldn't drink without knowing.'

'We could have done the test together,' he told her.

'It wasn't real until I did the test. I was putting it off.'

'Do you want this?' he asked carefully and she looked at his face, worried but joyous, his palm protectively over her stomach.

'Yes,' she admitted. 'I'm scared, but yes.'

'I'm scared too,' he admitted, 'I'm always a little bit scared these days.'

'I just keep worrying that it will change things between us,' she stated and he chuckled wryly,

'Well yeah, it will,' he shrugged, 'but you've gotta learn that change isn't necessarily bad.'

'I know that,' she complained but he just smiled,

'But it's hard to accept sometimes. And some of the change will be bad, I mean, we're not gonna be entirely in charge anymore. And we'll be tired and sleep deprived. Getting out of the house will be a military operation, and when it grows, it'll tantrum and be unreasonable...'

'You're not really helping,' she pouted,

'But there are the amazing moments too. When it falls asleep in your arms, christmas and birthdays. Trips to the beach. Taking the kid on its first hike. Teaching it things. Watching it grow and learn and loving it. Seeing which bits came from you, which bits came from me, and which bits got thrown in there at random. When it's a baby even its yawn will be a thing of beauty.'

'What if I die Pace?'

'What if I die?'

'Don't say things like that,' she buried her face in his chest.

'It hurts when you say them too,' he pointed out. 'Look, I know why, I do. All you can ever do is your best. Try and make good decisions. We won't be able to protect the baby from everything. We have to accept that. All you can ever do is love and cherish and hope you're lucky.'

'Jen said I'm lucky. In all that's happened I've never thought of it that way.'

'Lucky?' he stared at her,

'I died and they brought me back to life. She said there was nearly no hope and yet I'm here. And I can see it. I mean after all that I have life inside of me. That does make me seem lucky.'

'I'd always thought about the luck thing from my side, how lucky I was, but yeah, I guess it wouldn't hurt for us to be a little more positive about your luck,' he smiled and then kissed her. 'I'm really, really happy.'

'You're sure?'

'God Jo, yes! I've wanted this forever. We're getting married next week. You know I'm a big believer in the, "there's no right time to have a baby."'

'You came up with that when we thought I was pregnant back in second year of college,' she rolled her eyes.

'Still stands true. I mean there's always something a baby will interrupt, make more difficult or get in the way of,' he grinned. Apparently he couldn't stop smiling and despite her fears it was contagious,

'So this is ok?' she asked and he kissed her,

'It's wonderful,' he said his smile falling as she burst into tears,

'Apparently I'm feeling very emotional,' she sniffed into his chest.

'But you're ok? You don't feel sick, or worried, or sad? You want to do today and tonight? Because we don't have to. I don't mind at all,' he looked at her with those blue eyes of his and she knew he meant it.

'I feel better now we've spoken about it,' she admitted and he tucked a strand of hair behind her ear,

'I love you.'

'I love you,' she agreed. 'And I want to do today and tonight.'

'You up to seeing everyone?'

'Of course. They must think I'm such a wreck these days,' she flushed slightly, standing and looking in the mirror, adding a little lipstick and some powder.

'You look perfect,' he told her reaching for her hand, 'and they understand. Really they do.'

'Ok,' she trailed behind as he moved through into the living room, the chatter stopping as they all turned to them,

'Joey,' Doug was the first to react, but then again he'd seen her most through her recovery. He pulled her into a tight embrace, and kissed her cheek, Jack hot on his heels to hug her.

'Joey,' Dawson looked uncertain. They'd spoken over the phone, and she was fairly certain Jen and Jack had kept him in the loop with emails about how sick she'd been, but it had been a long time since they were face to face and she thought he was clearly having difficulty with the changes the accident had wrought. Subconsciously she touched the barely there scar on her cheek and wished she'd chosen pants instead of a skirt that showed the very edges of her leg scar. 'You look amazing,' he offered and she frowned. 'I think every time I see you its faded and so you always surprise me anew.'

'Ain't that the truth,' Pacey agreed.

'You ok Jo?' Drue lived in Boston and saw them regularly. He knew well enough how things were and he just gave her a grin from his spot on the couch where he was flying Amy.

'How are you?' Dawson asked carefully and she knew that he'd need to hear it from her,

'Better. Much better. I still have my aversion to sidewalks, but you know...'

'That's understandable,' Doug was fiercely protective and had driven up to Boston at 2am with Bessie on the night of the accident. During her long recovery he'd spent nearly every day off he had in Boston with her. Jack still lived with Jen at that point and the two of them had spent more and more time together. Joey considered their relationship one of the bright sides to her accident. As they chatted, Pacey sidled up behind her and wrapped his arms tight around her. Slowly her heart rate slowed and her apprehension began to lessen, but she couldn't help but worry about what the day might hold, couldn't think of much beyond that.

'Joey,' Dawson repeated, 'I asked how work is going? I read your column online and it seems to me that you're writing more articles? You've been back at work nine months right?' he looked at her blank face and she shook herself lightly.

'I'm sorry, what?'

'Today doesn't have to be a surprise,' Jack told her astutely, and Doug nodded,

'I'm ok. Just been a crazy morning,' she brushed it off and took in Dawson's worried face, 'I get apprehensive about going out. I know, rationally that I can't control what happens to me out there, that's why I hate rationality,' she joked and whilst the three guys laughed, Pacey squeezed her a little tighter.

'Rationally you know the statistics right?' Doug looked at her. They'd been over this before and she rolled her eyes looking like a teenager,

'Best way to ensure there's no bomb on your plane is to take on a bomb,' she parroted and Dawson laughed,

'When she's arrested as they leave on honeymoon, it'll be your fault!'

'Nah, statistically speaking the chances of having a second one in a million accident is really, really small, practically non existent,' Doug was in cop mode and Jack took his hand,

'I know,' Joey leaned her body back into Pacey's. 'And I trust Jen.'

'We're spending the whole day at that male strip joint, you know the one underground, so you're gonna be fine,' Jen told her and Joey giggled,

'I promised Pacey no strippers. And Drue he promised me no strippers,' she stated pointedly.

**Continued in next chapter as no more would save on this doc...**


	46. Chapter 46

**Sorry I couldn't get this to save. It's literally a continuation.**

**Epilogue 1 part 2**

_'I promised Pacey no strippers. And Drue he promised me no strippers,' she stated pointedly._

'Sure, sure,' Drue was utterly dismissive, not looking up from his game with Amy.

'Doug,' she pouted and Doug grinned,

'No strippers,' he chuckled.

'Ok, ok, I feel better,' she wriggled away from Pacey. 'Starving though,' she looked to Jen. 'Should we be dropping off Amy?'

'They're coming here,' Jen said casually, as if that didn't mean the world to Joey as she wouldn't be waiting in the car on the street, or worse, waiting for Grams to answer the door. Grams didn't have a front garden, and any house without a front garden freaked her out.

'Great,' Joey grinned widely.

'We should probably head to my place,, the others text and will be here in five,' Jen snatched the baby from Drue's hands and handed her to Joey, who hoisted her on her hip and kissed her face.

'What do I need?'

'One of those. Looks good on you,' Doug stated with a smile.

'Oh haha,' she flushed.

'Nothing Joey. Just as you are,' Jen glared at Doug who looked confused, taking her daughter from Joey, 'say goodbye.'

'Bye guys. Guess we'll catch up again tomorrow. Look after him or I'll kill you,' she smiled sweetly, loving Pacey's deep chuckle. Pacey had her back in his arms in seconds,

'I love you,' he practically purred, 'and I'm so happy,' he spoke softly, 'so happy. You call if you need me for anything. I'll be there I promise...'

'Drunk,' Drue put in helpfully.

'I won't drink if you don't want me to,' he offered, and Jack rolled his eyes at Joey as if to say _no chance_.

'I'm fine Pace,' she laughed, 'seriously. Go have fun.'

'You have fun too,' he nodded. 'Stay safe,' he couldn't help it. He knew they were as bad as each other. She was scared something would happen and so was he. He'd tell her nothing would happen, she'd pretend to believe him and then he'd remind her to stay safe. Ugh. He hated drunk drivers who mounted sidewalks and nearly killed the love of his life. He looked at her and the thought of the baby squeezed his insides into unrecognizable mush. He knew he shouldn't let the others find out but she was going out with his baby in her stomach, 'be safe,' he reiterated, his hand finding her stomach.

'Ok,' she looked at him with innocent eyes, eyes that reminded him of a twelve year old Joey just told by him that her dad would be arrested, a twelve year old who'd lost her mom, or even a fifteen year old hurt because the boy she thought she loved rejected her. He loved that their relationship had got rid of those old insecurities, that Joey of sixteen, twenty, and even twenty four had been confident and sassy and barely had a care in the world. He hated that the accident had been a reset, for both of them in a way, back to some old insecurities and whilst he knew they were strong people, that they would work through it, it was still hard.

'I love you,' he said again.

'Don't worry lover boy they're safe with me,' Jen said simply and he blinked, and looked at her. 'I've got it,' Jen reassured him. 'Go have fun. Horrible, male bonding fun Joey and I want no part in.'

'Ok,' Pacey nodded. 'Thanks,' he was always thanking Jen these days. Jen slipped her hand into Joey's, and Pacey finally peeled his off of her stomach and took a step back, 'have fun. Be safe.'

'We will,' Jen tugged her gently from the apartment.

'How long?' Doug asked with a grin and Pacey flushed,

'I found out ten minutes ago,' he admitted.

'No wonder you're both so edgy,' Jack pulled him into a hug and Pacey breathed out laughing,

'Sorry,' he offered.

'Huh?' Dawson hadn't caught the nuances of the conversation.

'She's pregnant. I found out like ten minutes ago,' Pacey saw no profit in hiding it now.

'I hadn't realized..you know that impact of the accident...' Dawson offered and Pacey understood what he meant. Understanding what had happened didn't mean you understood the huge impact it had had on them both. 'I should have flown out.'

'She's ok,' Pacey stated somewhat defensively.

'I could have been here for you,' he offered and Pacey smiled at that.

'Hey, it's all good,' he moved to the kitchen and poured a coffee for everyone,

'She's come a long way,' Jack stated.

'I'm so happy for you guys,' from Doug.

'I can't believe she's having my baby,' Pacey rubbed his face and pushed his fingers through his hair, 'fuck but that makes me happy. And nervous.'

'Heh, you're good with kids,' from Drue who was still on the couch. 'You don't need to worry.'

'He's right,' Doug agreed, 'women and babies...'

'It's so early though. I mean what if something happens?'

'Statistically the chances are fairly high that it might. But it might not,' Doug stated.

'You'll be a brilliant dad Pacey,' Dawson offered, 'I don't think you need to worry. If something goes wrong you and Joey will deal with it. Yeah aught to remember that you are both excellent at working through things together. You're a good team. That's why we're all here today.'

'He's right man,' from Drue, 'now can we quit being over emotional and go to the strip bar?'

'There's no strip bar,' Doug glowered.

'You put two gay men in charge of your bachelor party Pace - you're an idiot,' Drue muttered.

'You shut up,' Pacey told Drue off, Drue merely laughing. 'And thanks you two for the it's likely to go wrong but you'll cope speech. I'll be back,' he patted Jack on the back on his way out the door, hearing Drue's,

'Way to comfort a paranoid man,' as the door slammed shut. He ran up the stairs to Jen's floor and hammered on her door,

'Pacey,' Jen answered, unsurprised to see him, opening the door to where Joey was sat in the living room with Bessie, Maria, Audrey, Gretchen, Kerry and Anna. In the face of so many women he faltered slightly, his eyes flitting from Joey to the others, then back to Joey.

'Sorry,' he stood uncertainly, 'I...'

'You ok?' she asked,

'Yes,' he nodded, then shook his head, 'no.'

'No?' she frowned.

'I was fine, I was great, I mean really great,' he hesitated, 'then Dougy and Dawson started going on about things going wrong. I don't understand why they'd do that...and I just...I needed to see you. Do you think it'll be ok? I mean maybe I can examine you...'

'Is that code Pacey?' Gretchen narrowed her eyes at her brother and Pacey exited his trance and re acknowledged the other women in the room.

'Sure Pace,' Joey nodded.

'Well now we'll never get where we're going in time,' Bessie chided teasingly, as a knock at the door announced Grams and Jen's mom's arrival.

'We'll be fine,' Joey rolled her eyes.

'Can't you give her an afternoon off being your sex slave Pacey?' Gretchen stood and hugged her brother, 'it's slightly pathetic.'

'Haha,' he laughed insincerely his eyes on his beloved as she stood by his side and his hand took hers. 'Back to ours. I left my medical bag there,' he admitted and she rolled her eyes.

'I'll be back in ten minutes,' she told the assembled girls and Jen nodded, Grams giving Joey a hug as they passed each other.

'Don't worry. We won't be late. Gives me a chance to make sure everyone is with the program,' Jen reassured.

'Thanks,' Joey smiled as she and Pacey slipped out of the apartment and back down the stairs. 'Please don't tell everyone Pace. They say fourteen weeks, end of the first trimester because of miscarriage. You know that.'

'I'm sorry. The girls didn't figure it but the boys did,' he shrugged helplessly.

'Oh god,' she flushed, 'it's not that I'm not happy, it's just I could have done with a little more time. They're gonna be all...' she trailed off.

'All?'

'You'll see,' she muttered as they pushed back into their apartment. The boys all looked up and then they were on their feet. Doug grabbed her into a hug first, but Jack piled his arms on, and Doug pretty much handed her over, Dawson then pulled her in for a hug,

'You need anything Jo, anything at all,' Doug offered fiercely.

'Seriously. We can move to Boston,' Jack offered. 'We know you guys are going to need friends around.'

'To be honest we were already thinking of it,' Doug stated.

'I wish I could be nearer. So much has happened and so much more is happening...' Dawson began with utter sincerity. 'I'm just so far away. Maybe we should plan annual get togethers...'

'Hands off the little lady,' Drue ordered, and pulled Joey into a hug, 'you're gonna be fine. Forget these over protective idiots and trust me.'

'Really?' she looked at him.

'Pace is just about the most upstanding guy around. He's even smarter and more upstanding than me, and that's saying something. Course no one beats me on looks,' he waggled his eyebrows,

'Ok, ok, you can all take your hands off my girl...we're going for a little medical interlude.'

'That's what you're calling it,' Doug teased and Pacey rolled his eyes, because really his family all made the same joke.

'Yep, that's what we're calling it,' he pulled her to the bedroom, 'oh and the news is secret so no mentioning it to the girls.'

'What?' Dawson's voice as he shut the door behind them and turned to look at Joey, surprised to find her laughing.

'I told you they'd be all...'

'Protective and shit?'

'Yep,' she nodded,

'They all love you,' he shrugged and she knew what he meant, it had been a tough couple of years.

'This baby is going to have a lot of people in its life you know,' she lay on the bed after wriggling out of her panties.

'True,' he nodded with a wry chuckle sitting along side her feet and resting a hand on her thigh.

'Amy and the baby will practically be cousins,' she mused.

'Doug and Jack the overbearing uncles, only too thrilled to take the little thing so we can have some time to be ourselves,' Pacey traced the length of her thigh.

'We can have weekends in Capeside with Bessie and Bodie. You know Bodie will totally be my dad about it all and make us yummy food and coffee as we sit with our feet up,' she told him.

'I think Drue's going to surprise us. He'll come over on a weekend evening like he always does and he'll probably put the kid to bed,' Pacey smirked and Joey laughed. It was true that Drue had been kind of lost since high school and often hung out with Joey even if Pacey wasn't around, or met Pacey at work. He and Jen still had a special bond.

'Let's not even get started on Gretchen,' Joey rolled her eyes. Gretchen also lived in Boston and often spent evenings hanging out. Pacey had match made her with her boyfriend, a doctor friend who worked with him at the hospital.

'Oh she's going to be ridiculous,' Pacey concurred.

'So maybe we don't need to worry quite so much. Maybe we will be alright and if we're not, at least our baby will be? I mean you and I barely had enough pieces of people that loved us to make one person, but this baby will have loads.'

'What about what Doug and Dawson said?' Pacey asked and she shrugged.

'If there's something wrong with this baby, is that going to effect how much we love it?' she asked and it was an open question.

'No,' he said after thinking it through,

'I love it already. I think that's why I'm scared. I'll love it however it is, whoever it is. That's scary. But we will love it. So if we lose it? I mean that's what you and I spend our lives so scared of isn't it? Losing each other?'

'Nail and head,' he agreed.

'So we lose the baby when it's born, or after, or at some point we lose this child before we lose ourselves?'

'That scares me.'

'I think it scares every parent on earth, so perhaps we need to accept that fear is a _normal_ anxiety,' she sighed. 'So maybe we should remember who we are, or who we were before the accident made us crazy. If we're going to be parents we need to think like parents, we need to be parents and that means no crazy paranoia. And it means working on my aversion to sidewalks.'

'Wow, talk about responsibility changing a person,' he gave a low whistle and she ruffled his hair in protest at his teasing.

'You're one to talk Dr Witter,' she gave him a smile.

'So you took off your panties,' he traced patterns on her inner thigh,

'I was assuming you wanted to do a physical,' she gave him a demure look, flattening her skirt out as if to preserve her modesty.

'Hmm, yeah,' he agreed and trailed is hand higher and higher until it brushed between her legs. 'I could get my lube,' he looked at his medical bag, 'or I could just do this,' he held her eyes with his as he rubbed a loose circle over her clit.

'That's fine,' she murmured as he repeated the move several times, watching her eyes drop closed and her head fall back against the pillows, her lips parted in a sigh, a sigh that became a moan and a lift of her hips as he pressed harder and ran a finger along her entrance,

'Fuck you're wet,' he moved to sit beside her and pushed one, then two fingers inside of her, forgetting the pretence of the exam and pumping his fingers in and out of her as he tortured her clit. He put his right hand low on her flat stomach and pressed lightly, able to feel the shape of her uterus. Really he could tell nothing and he knew that would be the case, and so he trailed his right hand higher cupping her breast over her floaty, pretty top, his breathing and focus becoming erratic as he rolled between her legs and began to kiss her as though the world were ending, undoing the button of his shorts himself and pushing them and his boxers down, toeing them off with his feet and then lifting her skirt and pushing himself into her, loving her gasp as his hips took over and he continued to kiss her,

'I wanna go on top,' she rasped at length, and together they rolled. On top of him she looked entirely put together. Her hair was a little mussed, but her blouse was in place and her skirt fell over where they were connected hiding everything, as if she were merely sat on him. She leaned over him and kissed him, swirling her hips, and moaning, moving faster and faster, her hands gripping him tighter and tighter until she exploded, and she contracted tightly around him, only she didn't collapse on top of him she smiled and carried on moving, 'I wanna come again,' she all but demanded, and she set a punishing pace that had him thrusting up into her, his hands on her ass. Without thinking too much about it he lifted her skirt, it seemed like it hid such an awesome dirty secret. Like it was a peep show. Peering into the darkness he could see his cock disappearing inside of her and he groaned, feeling his body tighten,

'Come now,' he ordered, 'now,' he clutched at her hips, holding her skirt aside with his hand so he could continue to watch as she leaned closer and then cried out for the second time, and this time as her body clenched around his, he came, loudly and unapologetically, pushing his hips up forcefully as he held her in place. 'Oh god fuck,' he moaned, kissing her.

'I hope that's not how other physical exams go?' she asked with an arched brow and he laughed,

'Never,' he shrugged, pulling her close. 'Oh fuck...'

'What, am I hurting you?' she asked worriedly and he grimaced,

'No, but my guests probably heard that.'

'Oh,' she smirked, 'sorry,' she bit her lip.

'Like I really care - me I'm a stud. You're the girl that blushes fuchsia when she knows people know what she's been up to in the bedroom,' he shrugged with a grin at her pout,

'Well this once I don't care,' she stated, 'though I need a new skirt because it is my bachelorette party and I'm not going out with come on my clothes,' she stated primly.

'Sure,' he laughed, 'that sounds fair enough.'

'And I really have to go because I've given Jen the complete runaround already today and she's trying really hard to make this special and she can only be so patient,' she got up off the bed carefully, her leg a little stiff, in fact all of her a little sore. 'Ok, and we need to give my bits a break, we went a little crazy today.'

'Sure, sure,' he watched her drop her skirt and then get a clean pair of panties and rummage for a new skirt she considered acceptable. She perched on the edge of the bed and pulled on her panties and then sat again to pull on her skirt, before rubbing her bad leg.

'Oh,' she seemed suddenly defeated and he frowned,

'What?'

'My pain meds?' she looked at him. She probably took pain medication two or three times a week and she'd never thought much of it. 'I don't want to take anything.'

'Ok,' he nodded, sorting himself out and rolling off the bed, crouching beside it and rummaging in his bag, 'you know Tylenol and ibuprofen are fine if you're in a lot of pain.'

'I'm not,' she told him and he gave her a look. 'Really I'm not. Well not anywhere related to injuries. I'm a little burny elsewhere.'

'Sorry sweetheart,' he looked contrite,

'I'm not,' she smoothed his hair.

'Here,' he showed her the pain relieving gel in his hand before squirting out a glob and rubbing it carefully into her leg, aware of every wince she tried to hide. 'It'll help. Give it to Bes to put in her handbag.'

'Ok,' she nodded, and stood. 'This time we stay apart. The whole point of this day is a last blowout with our friends before you're shackled to me by law.'

'Awesome,' he grinned as they pushed out of their bedroom.

The assembled men applauded and whooped, Drue shouting something inappropriate, drowned out by Jacks whistle.

'Thank you men,' she curtsied, 'all your fault,' she chided Pacey but blew him a kiss and pushed open the apartment door,

'You love me,' he yelled as the door shut.

'You bug me,' she yelled back through the wood and he laughed.


	47. Chapter 47

**Ok, thanks for the amazing feedback to the first part of the epilogue. This part is not nearly so exciting but hopefully it rounds off the story nicely. So what I'm basically saying, is what I'm always saying - Please REVIEW! Only 38 reviews and I'm at 300... so go on even if you've never reviews before, review the last part! Those that regularly give me feedback, this part is because of you - you have no idea how hard it was to write! THANK YOU!**

**Thanks everyone! **

**Tab:-)**

**Epilogue Part 2**

'Where are the boys?' Joey complained to her twin daughters. At only a year old they didn't have much to say on the matter, merely stared at her from the stroller she was crouched in front of. 'If we'd met at the park like mommy suggested we wouldn't be waiting in front of this silly shop,' she stared at the Old Navy, 'though I suppose it's a miracle I'm willing to stand here,' she conceded. 'I know, I know only five years ago mommy couldn't stand on the sidewalk,' she grinned and made a silly face. Both girls smiled in response. Olivia matched her name entirely with her olive skin, dark hair and large hazel eyes. She was wearing a pretty navy and white striped tshirt dress with leggings underneath and Pacey had put ridiculously pretty clips in her hair to accompany her bunches. Tula couldn't be more different from her sister with her bright blond curly hair, and her big blue eyes, and her nose with it's four freckles. She was also wearing a dress, some pretty red and white thing her father had chosen. When Joey had discovered she was pregnant that first time on the day of her bachelorette party she had said to Pacey she'd work on her sidewalk issues, her accident related issues in general and she had - vigorously. She'd returned to counselling and had made a concerted effort to face her fears, and it had worked. She had very few hang ups from the accident any longer. Her main issues had been physically - related to scar tissue in her abdomen and lingering pain in her thigh that prevented her from cycling and made some other activities painful.

'You like my funny faces you little troublemakers?' she stuck out her tongue and Olivia giggled. She found the noise utterly addictive, and so she hid her face behind her hands and began an enthusiastic game of peek-a-boo, or 'boo' as Tula called it. Tula spoke a ridiculous number of words for a child so young, whilst Olivia was apparently happy to remain silent. Both the girls laughed and as always it was contagious.

'Hello girls,' Pacey stated and she stood, feeling his arms wrap around her waist as he kissed her on the neck.

'You're late,' she chided, 'and kisses won't make me forget it.'

'Hmm, sure,' he smirked, squeezing a little tighter. At the feel of two small pairs of arms around her legs she caved and her frustration was forgotten.

'Hey guys,' she looked at her two small sons.

'Don't be mad mommy. It really wasn't daddy's fault. The line up was just stupid,' her five year old said, clearly mimicking his father.

'Owen, you know we don't use the word stupid,' she reminded him softly and he bit his lip, whilst she shot Pacey a chastising look. He managed to look innocent enough, crouching down in front of the stroller to kiss his daughters.

'Sorry, but really it was. There were maybe ten of us in the line and they didn't open another till.'

'But we got the bunny food,' her three year old son Jay stated happily. 'So Dumpling won't die!'

'He was only going to be a bit hungry. He wasn't going to die. He has dandelions don't forget.'

'And grass,' Owen filled in. The rabbit had been a fifth birthday present for Owen, but all the children loved him.

'Shall we head to the park?' Pacey asked and she nodded,

'Sure, let's,' she gave his hand a squeeze as he stood up.

'We're sure, right?' he gave her a look. 'About leaving Boston?'

'Right,' she nodded. 'Grab a hand boys,' she ordered and Jay and Owen took a hand each whilst Pacey manned the stroller. The plan had been for a third baby. Owen hadn't been an easy baby. He seemed to oppose sleep and it was a tough first year, but at a year he suddenly started sleeping through. He may have woken a little early at 6 but they had eleven hours to themselves. They were a little sheepish because she fell pregnant that month. Literally. Yet again, they hadn't _meant_ it to happen. She hadn't been back on birth control and apparently age had made them incapable of using a condom properly - or remembering to put it on in the first place. Jay had been entirely different. He was a quiet, extremely intelligent child, not interested in physical sports but with a love of drawing even at three. He had slept pretty much from the first night, was easy going and non confrontational. He was willing to share and compromise and so a third child had seemed like a fun idea. Joey claimed that without her mother and father in her life, an extra sibling would have been nice. She loved claiming Doug, Gretchen, Kerry and Anna as hers, as her family. Over the years the waters between Pacey and his dad had even mellowed, and whilst they wouldn't ever spend Christmas, thanksgiving or the fourth with his parents, they were happy enough to do dinner. They hadn't expected twins, or indeed girls. They'd expected a third boy. Twins were something else entirely, but by about six months they got as on top of things as they probably ever would. The boys were both diaper free and sleepers and they told themselves the girls would sleep when they hit a year. At nine months they slept. They woke early, but Joey and Pacey couldn't have cared less because they had time with each other again.

'You manage to get the swimming trunks?' Pacey asked and she nodded.

'Yeah. Got myself a swimsuit as well,' she shrugged acknowledging his frown with a laugh, 'you can pout about it all you want but my bikini days are over,' she stuck out her tongue, quickly lest the kids see.

'I don't see why,' he stated blankly.

'Stretch marks from those two,' she nodded at the stroller.

'Hardly,' he scoffed.

'Caesarian scar,' she said, 'surgery scars. I have more battle scars than a Roman gladiator.'

'They're you. Your stomach is flat which is amazing after four kids, and you're gorgeous.'

'You're sweet,' she rolled her eyes. 'You get me in my underwear, the world gets me in a swimsuit.'

'Can I have you in your underwear later?' he asked casually, chancing a glance at the boys who were chatting together.

'And all the packing?'

'If you want to pack in your underwear that's fine, but I was thinking you could wear your underwear, not wear it for, I guess about an hour and then we could put clothes back on, pack, eat pizza and drink that bottle of wine Jen and Drue brought over the last time they came.'

'Ok, that sounds better. That means we're military precise about bedtime,' she told him pointedly,

'We're always military precise,' he laughed.

'Do you think Lily and Alexander are old enough to babysit together?' She asked and he frowned,

'Of course. Where'd that come from?'

'It's been so long since you and I spent a whole day together naked in bed. I want a day together naked in bed. I need it. Even a morning naked in bed and then an afternoon reading my book uninterrupted. Or hours of Downton Abby.'

'When you say in bed?' he gave her a sweet little look and she leaned in close and whispered elaborately in his ear, enjoying his blush.

'Awesome,' he nodded with a grin. 'I say we test their babysitting abilities ASAP.'

'I agree,' she chuckled.

'Mommy,' Owen looked up at her.

'What's up hun?'

'Why are we having the birthday party at the park?'

'Three reasons,' Joey said and both kids looked at her, Jay promptly tripping. Luckily she managed to stop him from falling on his face by holding his hand tight, 'watch your step buddy,' she stated and he nodded.

'So why?' Owen prompted.

'Well one it's a gorgeous day. Two, our house is a mess of packing boxes and everyone can meet and spread out at the park and three, the girls are only turning one and they love to be outside. It'll make them happy and as they have no idea why what a birthday is - perfect.'

'But there'll be cake?' Jay looked up at her worried. She didn't blame him for his concern, the kids weren't allowed tons of sweet food and cake was special.

'Aunty Jen promised she'd bring the cake.'

'Will it be pink?' Owen asked and Pacey ruffled his hair,

'What ya worried about? That you'll sprout ponytails?'

'No,' he pouted.

'Because you won't. Pink is just a colour, it's not male or female.'

'I know, mommy told me.'

'So will it be pink?' Jay asked.

'I think Aunty Jen is big into rainbow cakes. The party is a rainbow party, so I'm guessing there'll be every colour on the cake.'

'And who's going to be there?'

'Well lots of people,' Pacey explained. 'We're leaving Boston Ow and we've been here a long time. Sixteen years is a long time and lots of people are coming to say goodbye.'

'You said Capeside isn't far?' he looked up at his dad with a frown so like Joey's, Pacey felt it deep inside,

'It isn't far but it's not like living in the city. You know how it feels when we travel up on the weekend to go see family?'

'Like a long time,' Owen nodded glumly.

'It's not as long as it feels,' Pacey laughed. 'It's a half hour. That's why daddy can still work at the hospital three days a week.'

'Three days?' Owens face fell, 'we'll never see you.'

'You'll see him more guys, that's why we're doing this. You're right that those three days will be long, but the other days will be at the clinic in Capeside and daddy can meet us for lunch some days, pick you up from school when you start kindergarten, Ow.'

'Really?' Owen looked up at his dad.

'What about my preschool?' Jay asked and Pacey nodded,

'Not every day but yeah, I'll be able to be there. And for Little League. We'll have weekends.'

'Unless some kid in Boston is super sick,' Owen stated wisely.

'You know daddy always has to help the super sick kids,' Joey told him softly and he nodded,

'It's what makes him a superhero,' he stated in an elaborate whisper, making his brother giggle.

'So no more worrying about the move. When you see the new house, you're going to be so happy.'

'Really?' Owen and Jay both looked up at their dad,

'Yup. And wait until you meet the next door neighbours. They have a little girl just a bit older than you and a little boy who's four.'

'A year bigger than me,' Jay grinned.

'But I'll be bigger than him,' Owen smiled.

'But smaller than her,' Joey squeezed his hand as they turned into the park.

'Near the play area? Where all those balloons are?' Owen practically squealed.

'You run ahead bud,' Pacey told him, 'look after your brother and make sure you say hi so Uncle Dougy and Uncle Jack can keep an eye on you.'

'Yes, yes, ok, yes,' he took Jay's hand and they sped off ahead for the group of people beginning to assemble.

'How you doing sweetheart,' Pacey held her left hand with his right, and they each pushed half of the stroller.

'Ok...you know, sad but excited.'

'That sums it up nicely,' Pacey nodded, 'I guess it's easier for me. I still get to see my friends from work each week. I'll miss other people though. The ones not from work.'

'Trust me. With the canoe, the creek, the swings, people will be coming up all the time - if we invite them. And since we got the basement converted they can have their own self contained space which takes the stress off.'

'And I found a cleaner,' he said brightly.

'I don't need a cleaner,' she pouted, 'you make it feel like I don't do a good enough job. Not that it's my job,' she hastened to add.

'You do a great job. Our place is spotless, but you can't fool me. I know mopping the floors hurts your leg, vacuuming the stairs half kills you, and who _wants_ to do bathrooms? She's coming in once a week for three hours. She'll do the floors, the kitchen cupboards and the bathrooms. I work hard, you work hard and I hate to see my wife in pain. You do enough with the four kids, and working.'

'Ok, ok. I mean of course I hate cleaning,' she admitted grudgingly, 'well I don't hate it, I hate it because every meal is a massive clean up job, every snack is. And even taking their shoes off at the door there's mud everywhere.'

'A dog won't help either,' he told her matter of factly.

'We're not getting a dog mister,' she laughed.

'Oh we are,' he stopped walking and pulled her into a cuddle, pressing his lips to hers, 'please?'

'I wipe Jay's bum. I do double diaper duty. Do I really need more poo in my life?'

'No one _needs_ more poo,' he hedged.

'No.'

'But if I have to stay in Boston, because sometimes I will, I'd love it if there was a big guard dog...'

'Who'll be walking the big guard dog?'

'Me when I'm at home,' he nuzzled her neck and she couldn't help but smile,

'And when you're not?'

'Owen?'

'He's five.'

'It's going to be a _big_ dog,' he pressed a warm kiss to her neck and she could feel his smile fully aware that he was teasing, which was really just flirting.

'I love you Pace, but no,' she pulled his face away from her neck and kissed him. 'But we can definitely have sex tonight to help you over your disappointment.'

'Technically we'd already decided to have sex tonight, can we set the alarm early and have sex again tomorrow morning to help me over my disappointment?' he gave her the eyes and she rolled hers,

'The girls are up at 5.30. You really want to set the alarm earlier than that?'

'Fair point, fair point,' he nodded, 'ok, so tomorrow night as well?'

'Pace,' she stated and he looked her in the eye, 'I love you. I've been fairly addicted to having sex with you for pretty much sixteen years, with the exception of the three months following both the boys births, the four months following the girls and three or four months following the accident. I speak to my girlfriends. They do it once a month to say twice a week. We have sex whenever we can. Literally. Unless we're sick, if we're in the same bed we end up having sex. Stop bargaining for it,' she tapped his nose sternly.

'But it's fun to bargain,' he grinned, causing yet another eye roll from his wife. He loved to cause the eye rolls. He tugged her a little closer,

'Do you know what I think would be fun?' she asked and he shook his head,

'I say we make a den from packing boxes and have sex in that. If it falls over you did a good job,' she tilted her head to the side and he felt a burst of love for her,

'Yes,' he answered way to enthusiastically and she giggled,

'Ok. So you and the kids build the den, Fort thing, whilst I get the girls ready for bed, then military precision bed time.'

'Yes ma'am,' he kissed her then, quite unable to resist.

'Um guys, cut it out would you! You make the rest of us look bad,' Gretchen complained.

'Gretch,' Pacey released his missus and hugged his sister, before Joey did the same.

'We thought you might never make it over, so hurry the heck up. Jen, Bessie and I worked our butts off setting up.'

'We thank you,' Joey gave her an extra hug.

'Meh, look how cute they are,' Gretchen crouched in front of the stroller. 'The only problem with two, is you can't pick one because then it's like I'm playing favourites.'

'Doug and Jack double team it,' Joey pointed out,

'Or you could learn to single hand it like Jo,' Pacey grinned.

'No way, I might drop one,' Gretchen stated.

'Well here, check out their party trick,' Pacey grinned at his joke, as he moved to the front of his stroller,

'Dada,' Tula bounced around in her seat. Olivia gave him a wide smile.

'Wanna come out my little tulip,' Pacey asked.

'Out now,' Tula reached for him and as he unclipped her buckle, she pretty much fell into his arms. He laughed and pulled her into a big cuddle, which resulted in a happy Tula but a crying Olivia.

'Ok, Livvy,' he put Tula down, allowing her to hold his fingers.

'You good?' he asked but she just smiled at him. 'Hold Aunty Gretchen's hand, Tula,' he told her and pressed her small hand into his sisters who was smiling.

'Are you walking Tula?' Gretchen stared in wonder at her small niece.

'Tula walk,' Tula smiled at her aunt.

'What about Ms. Olivia?' Gretchen looked back at the stroller.

'Ms. Livvy is a hands free walker,' Pacey stated proudly, kissing his other daughter as he pulled her from the stroller. Olivia however had no inclination to leave her father's arms and rested her head on his shoulder and looked up at him, putting her hand on his cheek.

'Oh but I find you attractive right now,' Joey all but sighed, ridiculously dreamy.

'Because the baby is all in love with him?' Gretchen gave her a scathing look.

'Leave her alone,' Pacey tugged his sister's hair.

'Hmmm,' Joey found it hard to remove her eyes from him. She'd always been weak for Pacey, but when their children cuddled into him she was pathetic in her adoration. It was even worse when the girls, who were so small, were cuddled up against him.

'It's like he's half naked on an inspiration poster and you're fifteen,' Gretchen chided, as she and Tula led them all towards the party.

'You guys walk on,' Joey stated and dug around in her bag for her camera. She knew that moments like that were precious and it was Olivia's first birthday. It would be a nice picture for her daughter. 'Hey Pace,' she called when she found it and he turned. She was just thankful that Olivia was holding her position for whatever reason and took the picture.

'Just don't blow it up and put it above your bed,' Gretchen warned, as Joey snapped a picture of Tula with her aunt.

'What's Jo putting above her bed?' Doug asked.

'Oh never mind,' Gretchen watched her niece get stolen by her big brother, but felt better about it as Jack held out his hands to Olivia and she pretty much through herself away from her father and at Jack.

Pacey sidled up to Joey and took her hand.

'I need that for picture taking,' she told him.

'Everyone's here,' he smiled.

'Almost too many people,' Joey arched her brows, but at that moment Dawson came jogging up with a huge smile on his face and wrapped his arms around them both, 'Dawson,' she laughed.

'Hey D,' Pacey chuckled, slapping him on his back,

'I cannot believe you guys bought my old house. It's strange to think of it full of Witters.'

'And a lone Potter,' Joey prodded him,

'Yeah, yeah,' Dawson agreed amiably.

'Sorry we redid the basement,' Pacey patted his back again.

'Overdue,' Dawson shrugged.

'We did a little bit of revamping to the kitchen,' Joey added.

'It's your house,' Dawson laughed, 'it would be weird if there were still Spielberg posters on the walls and my family pictures.'

'The kids don't know it's your house yet,' Pacey told Dawson, watching Owen and Jay over Dawson's shoulder as they blew bubbles with their cousins. Kerry's kids were in their early teens but Gretchen's daughter was only a little younger than Owen and the little girl Doug and Jack adopted was three. What was nice was that they all played together nicely, probably better than Pacey and his siblings had.

'They don't?' Dawson seemed surprised, 'so they don't know they're moving in next to Jen, Drue, Amy and Oliver?'

'Nope,' Joey smirked.

'They're going to flip,' Dawson laughed.

'Feels kinda weird to be heading back to the creek,' Pacey mused and the other two nodded,

'Well especially for me - what with The Creek show and all of you there again except for me.'

'You could always come back man?' Pacey suggested.

'Can't make TV in Capeside,' Dawson shrugged.

'But you can make award winning films,' Joey pointed out.

'So let's settle something,' Dawson looked at them both, 'did you grab her ass?'

'Who can say,' Pacey was entirely dismissive.

'You claimed I didn't have one,' Joey punched his shoulder lightly,

'You know what, I think I can build a pretty good argument that presents a valid case for you putting your ass in my hand,' his eyes twinkled at her,

'Oh sure,' she rolled her eyes laughing cynically, 'as if my ass would have gone anywhere near your hand.'

'As if my hand would have gone anywhere near your ass,' he gave her a look.

'Um guys, you've been together nearly twenty years and are married with four kids...I think the ass grabbing is a moot point.'

'He grabbed it,' Joey glared at Pacey, who shrugged and pulled her close,

'Of course I grabbed it,' he chuckled, 'your ass is gorgeous.'

'Knew it,' she grinned widely.

'Your kids still don't know,' Jen huffed, pulling her top down over her stomach.

'And they're not gonna until we pull up into the driveway,' Joey warned her friend.

'You owe me the housewarming party to end all housewarming parties,' Jen looped her arm through Joey's.

'We'll do a barbecue for the fourth. All you'll have to do is show up with the new baby and we'll wait on you hand and foot.'

'Deal,' Jen stated quickly and the others laughed.

'You guys are going to have so much fun,' Dawson mused wistfully.

'Regretting the LA life,' Jack asked looking proud of himself, Olivia perched on his shoulders.

'The LA life is great, the lack of time and friends like you guys less so.'

'Hey we're all time poor,' Joey comforted him.

'Joey, Pace has sent me pictures of you working. You're either sat by the creek brainstorming or on the back porch in a comfy chair with your laptop.'

'But I'm still working,' Joey pointed out.

'Like you ever need to work again after the success of your first book,' Dawson laughed but Joey shook her head at him,

'I have to work. I go crazy if I'm just with the kids. I love them. I love them so much and I love spending loads of time with them, but I need to write.'

'And she does it so well,' Pacey pointed out. 'I love the kids but I love being a doctor. We're just lucky that Jo's work is flexible because she can pretty much always be with them if needed. She never misses anything important. But that's a luxury and we know it, especially because she gets to work as well.'

'Will you have a nanny?' Dawson asked and Joey looked torn, because in honesty she was.

'Jen and I will share a nanny,' she admitted, 'she'll come in a couple of mornings and two full days. Owen will be at school with Amy and it's not like we won't be there, but hopefully, we'll get enough time to do the work we need to do.'

'Jo's not wild about the nanny idea,' Pacey rubbed her shoulder.

'I don't know what I think, I'm so torn,' Joey admitted. 'I've had the luxury of being with Owen except for two days in daycare, and then with Jay full time when my book came out. I managed to work around them but I can't seem to work around four. I'm so tired in the evenings I get nothing done. I think for my sanity I need to get something done.'

'Most people have other people look after their kids. It's ok,' Jen reassured. 'I was lucky enough to have Grams for Amy, though Olly went to daycare three days a week.'

'And that's it, maybe a daycare would be better,' Joey frowned.

'We found the nanny together, we love the nanny,' Jen laughed.

'I know, I guess. I just...what if she doesn't like one of them?'

'Our kids are gorgeous, of course she'll love them all.'

'We're biased,' Joey pointed out.

'There is the cute little daycare just round the corner from the clinic,' Pacey pointed out.

'But that's a drive from home,' Joey grumbled,

'Which is how we decided on a nanny,' Jen nudged her arm. 'Now stop worrying and enjoy the girls first birthday. You need to take pictures and there are millions of people here, so come on.'

'Coming,' Joey nodded but turned to look at Pacey, 'tell me it'll all be ok.'

'We'll make it ok,' he reassured. 'Now go say hi to everyone. I can't believe so many people came.'

'Everyone loves you,' Joey kissed his cheek,

'And you, and the kids.'

'Meh, we're ok,' she shrugged. 'Don't forget to start the barbecue now, or get Doug to...'

'He's already on it,' Jack smirked.

'We'll do the cake at three,' she told them all bossily.

'Three,' Pacey repeated.

'And count the kids every now and then,' she reminded him.

'Always,' he gave her a look and she flushed because it was his special look. 'Love ya.'

'Love you too,' she smiled and headed off with Jen to see everyone, scooping up Tula as she came across her staring at a flower.

'Flower,' Tula offered the flower to her mom, but Joey just hugged the baby close.

'You're still entirely smitten aren't you,' Dawson asked, staring at Pacey who was staring at his wife and daughter.

'Entirely, irrevocably,' Pacey concurred with a contented sigh. 'Best decision I ever made.'

'What was?' Jack asked, both he and Dawson looking at their friend.

'Every decision I ever made that made her mine, that kept her mine,' Pacey answered. 'I knew she was it for me when I was twelve years old. I didn't understand it of course. All I knew was that when she hurt I wanted it to be me that comforted her and that I _hated_ it when she hurt.' Pacey stared at Joey who was chatting to a group of friends, Tula playing with the strands of her hair. She didn't really look that different to her fifteen year old self. Of course she was older, they both were - she was a woman, not a girl anymore, but she was just as slim, her hair just as beautiful. If Joey died it, he didn't know but he was pretty certain he'd recognize any change in the colour of her hair. Sure, when she smiled there were a few lines from her eyes, but when she looked at him, when her face was void of expression, she could easily be fifteen again. Her hair was still long, but usually worn in a bun at the nape of her neck. She wore a little makeup these days - lipstick, some blusher and some eyeshadow - she said it stopped people commenting on how tired she must be. Her taste in clothes was different. She seemed to wear summer dresses and sandals, or skirts with boots in the winter. It was feminine but fun and practical. Regardless of Joey's hair, her makeup or her clothes he always thought she was beautiful. Sometimes he thought she was most beautiful first thing in the morning - her hair a mess from sleep, no makeup, nothing fancy on, just a pair of his boxers and a tank. She'd bring the girls back to bed to nurse them, to hopefully allow the boys a little more sleep and he'd bring them both a mug of coffee. Oh but she was beyond beautiful in those moments. Even better were the mornings when the girls slept in but he and Joey didn't. She was the instigator, reaching for her stash of mints and shimmying out her night clothes before rolling into him, all wondering hands and warm kisses. But then he'd come home after a long time at the hospital and he'd be stunned anew by how beautiful she was, by the fact that he managed to get Joey Potter to have a life with him, to have his babies, to be his wife, to laugh with last thing at night as they snuggled under the covers of _their_ bed.

'Life isn't so bad is it?' Dawson chuckled.

'Nope, life is pretty wonderful.'

* * *

'We were so optimistic thinking we'd be home for dinner,' Joey tutted looking at the kids all fast asleep in the backseat of the car. They had a lot of kids so the car was a big minivan, Owen and Jay at the very back, the girls nearer to hand.

'We'll rouse them enough to brush their teeth, chuck on their pj's and pop them into bed.'

'So optimistic Witter. Like those two at the back aren't going to demand a story,' she snuck her hand onto his leg.

'So they'll have a very short story,' he grinned.

'And you'd do them so I can nurse the girls?' she asked and he smiled,

'Sure. Unless you have something expressed and I do them all?'

'Everything I've got Bessie might need for Monday, or tomorrow, so don't worry,' she yawned, 'I'm so, so tired,' she sighed dramatically.

'I don't recall the wild ragers of our youth being as exhausting as kids parties,' Pacey said and she laughed,

'No. Though they were as sticky,' she gestured to the pretty dress she was wearing.

'It was a much better stick,' he grinned and she nodded.

'It was,' she sighed, 'Ok, so let's get them all into bed and forget emptying the car until tomorrow. I'll put the rest of the cakes in the fridge but the rest can stay. We have to do some packing Pace or else the movers will be here and nothing will be ready.'

'I know, I know. You chill your beanio's mrs, I promise it will all get done.'

'Maybe we can beg Doug and Jack to have the kids tomorrow?'

'We wouldn't need to beg. They'd just go hang out with Jen and Drue. Call them now,' Pacey urged as they turned into their street. Joey made the call, secured babysitters and a kid pick up, and popped her phone back into her bag as she mentally prepared to get the four kids to bed.

'You look like you're preparing for battle,' Pacey smirked.

'I am,' she smirked back.

'And go,' he stated and they both jumped out of the car.

* * *

Pacey climbed down the stairs smiling to himself, because really his children were adorable. He'd peaked into the girls room and found them fast asleep in their cribs, and whilst Owen was only nearly asleep, Jay was fast asleep, despite the cool voices he'd used during the story. Owen would be asleep in minutes after the day in the park.

Pacey loved being a dad. It was pretty logical really, he loved kids, was a paediatrician for goodness sake, and he could be the kind of dad neither he or Joey had had. He was a good dad, he knew that. He worried some times, but he knew that even when he got cross he wasn't inappropriate and if he was, which happened to everyone with kids at some point, well he could apologize and talk to the kids about why. Owen was a little bean, always interested in everything, he was even able to read - nothing complicated but he was good. The kid was practically his replica except for his moms large hazel eyes. He was cute as a button, and despite occasionally asking too many questions for his mom's patience, he was very kind and considerate and loved his family fiercely, especially his younger siblings. Jay was a quiet kid, but he could read about as well as his brother despite being only three. He'd talked early too, and just seemed to get things. Owen could throw a childish tantrum, but Jay seemed to see the bigger picture. If Jay had two of something and Owen had none, Jay split it without being asked. He was a dream child, and an easy little brother for their headstrong first. He could be a bit of a worrier, and sometimes too kind, giving things away he really wanted, but it all came from a nice place. Jay looked similar to Owen but he had Pacey's blue eyes, and his hair was a few shades lightly. And the girls. He loved his kids all the same, but he was thrilled they had the girls. Joey didn't dress them all that girly, with their hand me downs from the boys, but he found that more adorable. Olivia's hair was always in its two dark bunches and Tula had her bright blond, curly hair in a bun. They had a bunch of overalls that Joey had gotten for the boys, and when teemed with pink shirts Pacey melted. They reminded him of their mom. Despite Tula's blond hair, she looked like Joey when she pouted, and Olivia was practically a replica of Joey. He loved his little chatty Tula, and his quiet, steady Olivia. They were impish, and cute. He loved his kids and his head was full of them as he pushed into the living room,

'You order the pizza hun? Should I start in here or do my office.'

'The pizza is here. In the dining room,' Joey called, her voice muffled. 'Let's do this room together.' Pacey sighed. It wasn't anyone's fault but he couldn't help but be miffed that he wasn't getting his wife naked. The party had overrun, they were exhausted and the house needed to be packed. That was life.

'Where are you?' he looked around the dining room. The chairs were all stacked in the corner and there were boxes everywhere.

'In here?' Joey poked her head out from between two flat boxes. Looking at the table he saw that it was entirely surrounded by flattened cardboard boxes.

'You made a fort!' he stared at her, utterly touched, more than a little excited, and heart stoppingly in love.

'Well I finished and you got caught up reading to the boys,' she shrugged, tucking her hair behind her ear, 'too childish?'

'Hell no,' the smile spread across his face - maybe he would get his naked wife. Joey looked at his face, that look of awe she was so fond of. She knew it had been the right decision to forget the packing.

'Come in,' she encouraged, 'though it's an underwear only fort I'm afraid,' she attempted to look sorry, but he threw off his clothes so fast it was hard to do anything but laugh. When he was finally clad only in boxers, she shifted one of the boxes to the side and he crawled in. It was a good Fort, if she said so herself. She'd grabbed the cushions off the couch and chairs in the living room and a bunch of blankets. They had a bottle of wine and pizza.

'Oh, this is perfect,' he stared at her, running a finger across the tops of her breasts, licking his lips subconsciously at the black lace bra and panties. His finger dipped into the cup of her bra and she smiled, because he was so obviously hard, so obviously intent on forgetting the pizza and attempting to bring the fort down. She expected him to say something. He looked for all the world like he had a whole lot to say, but apparently words were overrated and he was rolling on top of her, pushing her legs apart to make room for his body, his mouth claiming hers in a kiss so hot she was quite certain she might melt,

'Fuck but you look good,' he groaned and rocked his hips against her, rewarded by a soft moan, a moan that crescendoed as he clamped his warm mouth around her nipple, sucking lace and flesh into his mouth. 'I feel like a Viking pillaging...'

'Ha,' she giggled, 'it's not pillaging if I'm willing,' she wrapped her legs around him.

'How willing are you?' he asked, pushing a hand between them and into her panties, groaning at the wetness there, 'God I want to fuck you Jo, it's been too long since I got to fuck you.'

'You fucked me two nights ago.'

'Like I said, too long. And we weren't in a Fort,' he rolled off of her and rolled her body away from him, before shoving his boxers off and pressing up against her butt. He pushed his hand back between her legs, flicking aside the material of her panties and pressing insistent fingers into her, fingers that had found and memorized the place within her that made her feel like she was floating, like her body was a diamond about to shatter into millions of diamonds. She moaned as he pressed his fingers inside of her expertly, his thumb punishing on her clit. Her whole body felt like it was on the brink, everything clenching tighter and tighter, but then his hands were gone, and she grumbled her protest. Pacey didn't seem to care and he shoved at her panties, merely moving them out of the way before pushing his cock inside of her, his body somehow managing to recreate the angle his fingers had achieved, and almost immediately she was back where she'd been, back on the brink of splintering apart into a million pieces.

'Yes, more,' she mumbled almost incoherently, her voice all but gone, as he pushed in and out of her, again and again until she knew it was going to happen. He pressed his thumb to her clit and thrust into her, his teeth nipping her neck and she came, frighteningly hard, but beautifully, every detail of her orgasm exquisite, including her panted begging for more, 'fuck, more,' she pleaded, still amazed by her husbands ability to completely undo her, apparently at will.

'You want more, you take it,' he bossed and pulled out of her and roled onto his back to pull her on top of him.

'My panties are still on,' she tried to spread her legs over his hips to no avail. Trapped by her underwear around her thighs.

'Don't care,' he pulled her across his cock, the hardness rubbing over her clit until it found it's favourite place, and he pushed her down onto him.

'Oh god,' she all but collapsed, because her legs were so tight together, he felt huge.

'Fuck that feels good,' he hissed and placing his hands on her hips and attempted to rock her. She moved her hands to support herself, to help him and it was brilliant,

'Why've we never done this before,' her hands were in either side of his head and she pressed her lips to his, without waiting for an answer, feeling her heart pound, and her body begin to coil yet again, as he moved her faster and faster.

'I'm gonna come baby,' Pacey growled his hands gripping her ass and hips all at once, and then her body came apart as he thrust up against her before crying out as he pulled her down against himself. 'Oh man, fuck...' he cursed, his breath coming in short rasps, as he wrapped his arms in a vice like hold around her.

'This still feels really good for me,' she admitted to his neck, where her face was tightly pressed.

'Feels fucking ace for me,' he groaned.

'I'm gonna give you an eight out of ten,' she managed to remove her face from the crook of his neck so she was looking at him.

'I dispute that, you came apart like snow in a hot tub,' he protested.

'I meant an eight out of ten for cardboard box Fort destruction,' she rolled her eyes at the collapsed Fort.

'Oh,' he grinned.

'There's still a box standing,' she pointed out.

'I don't remember any of that destruction,' he mused, 'though I could eat pizza.'

'Ok,' she rolled delicately off of him before pulling up her panties and opening the pizza box handed him a slice. Returning to the box she grabbed one for herself.

'So you decided packing was overrated?' he asked, his eyes lazily running over her figure.

'We'll pack tomorrow. I promised you pizza, wine and sex in a cardboard Fort.'

'You did and I'm very thankful.'

'You had a tough week,' she shrugged.

'Every week's a tough week,' he admitted.

'That's because you love kids and you work with them. It's never gonna be great to see a sick kid.'

'But making them better - that's amazing,' he got that look in his eye she loved, the one that she'd always seen that showed his intelligence.

'You're amazing.'

'So you're not at all weirded out that we're moving into Dawson's old house?' Pacey asked as he poured them wine.

'Are you?'

'It'll be a little weird to see the boys sharing his old room, I'll admit,' Pacey shrugged, 'even weirder to sleep with you, and I mean all variations of that phrase, in his parents old room.'

'We'll have to have sex in every room. You know, claim it as ours.'

'Of course,' he nodded as if this were to be expected.

'I guess I just think it's a really nice house, in a really nice place. And it has a lot of really good memories. And Jen's next door. Ok, so that means Drue's there too, but we like Drue. In fact Jen and us are the only people that do like Drue,' she joked and Pacey laughed,

'He's growing on Jack and Dougy. He makes Jen happy and he treats Amy as if she walks on water. That's all you can ever want, you know, someone that loves your kids as if they're theirs.'

'Well that's why Doug and Jack are the kids guardians,' Joey shrugged.

'That's why they're perfect as guardians.'

'I never thought I'd see the day when I was excited to move back to Capeside.'

'Me either,' Pacey chuckled. 'God I couldn't wait to get out of there. You remember that meal, the one where my family told those awful stories and then Doug came out?'

'Of course I remember.'

'I swore to escape that day. It made me that much more determined, and I thought I'd never look back.'

'Except we both have. Constantly.'

'I think the minute Jen and Drue left six months ago, you've wanted to go back,' Pacey teased. It was true though and Joey saw no profit in denying it. Jen had gone back for all the right reasons, to give her family a safe place to grow up in a beautiful place. Joey had missed her like crazy despite weekend visits and it wasn't long before they were looking at real estate listings and Pacey was talking to the hospital. Pacey was obsessed with his work - he was passionate and excellent, but he was more passionate about his family. He didn't get to see Jay walk for a whole three days after he started. He missed Owen's preschool holiday concert. He missed Halloween and Joey had dressed all the kids up as skeletons - his tiny baby girls as skeletons! Sure he could look at the photos but he wasn't there. He was more than happy for a shift in his work patterns and if that meant three days as a top paediatrician and two days in Capeside clinic, then he'd do it. Heck, eventually he'd switch entirely to the clinic. He didn't actually mind because he was brilliant and there'd always be people seeking out his opinion. For now though, it would be hard to leave the hospital behind entirely, especially if he got more time with his beautiful, beloved family.

'I love you Pacey,' his wife sighed and closed the space between them until her head was resting on his chest. He slumped onto the cushions and wrapped his arms around her.

'I love you,' he kissed her softly. 'Always have, always will.'


End file.
